I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World or any canon characters.
Note: This might be the silliest idea I have ever used for a chapter and yet it is somehow one of my most favorite chapters. Hope you all enjoy it a lot.
Extended Family
Chapter 22 – Bacon Bacchanalia
Takes place after Harry and Katie got married but before Dahlia was born.
Harry sighed softly, trying to get comfortable. He was currently at home on sick leave, recovering from an injury. A rather nasty collision involving a Bludger, the opposing Chaser and Seeker, and some strong winds had made him walk away with many broken bones. Luckily he was able to walk away. The other two had to be taken off the field and would have a long time of recovery.
He did not feel bad though, for them anyways. Considering they conspired to injure Harry first they got what they deserved in his, and many other peoples', opinion. Still, the end result as that he was off the team for some time dealing with lots of bone repair, vanishing, and skelegrow.
Katie was out of the country for a bit on a conference and could not come back swiftly. He also did not tell her the true extent of his injuries so that she would not worry. Andromeda and Samantha were at the same conference and all of Harry's other friends were incredibly busy and off doing what they needed to do.
He found himself feeling a little bored and lonely. It was still a novel experience for him, the concept of being lonely. He had been alone for so long, until Hogwarts, and while he never took his friendships for granted, it still surprised him how truly lonely he could feel. Even at his busiest between his mastery work and Quidditch, he usually found himself spending time with someone outside of the Bells and Blacks and Tonks a few times a week.
McGonagall had banned him from mastery work while he was healing, something she and Pomfrey had insisted. They also claimed they would know if he ignored them and while he was reasonably sure they could not, he was not sure enough to chance it. While he was no longer a student, he still had a long-cultivated fear of their authority and tempers, especially now that they did not need to hold back with him.
So Harry sat at home, feeling a little bored and a little lonely. He eventually fell asleep. After some time, he slowly woke, feeling a pressure on the one part of his abdomen that did not hurt. He blinked slowly, greeted by large amber eyes. "Hey girl," he said sleepily.
Hedwig fluffed up, barking at him severely.
"I know," he groaned. "It was stupid and I'm paying the price."
She glared at him.
"I'm healing," he protested.
She sighed a very human-sounding sigh of exasperation.
He grinned and scratched her chest. "Thank you," he said. "You know, it's been a while since it was just you and me."
She cheeped and her eyes half-closed, enjoying the scratching. Her eyes opened and she peered down, staring at his rumbling stomach.
"Guess I'm a little hungry. How about you?" He chuckled as she licked her beak. "I think a couple bacon sandwiches apiece sounds nice, doesn't it?" He looked thoughtful at her bobbing head. "You know what, I just had an idea."
She fluttered into the air when he rose. She hooted disapproval when he slipped a jacket on, landing on his head and yanking on his hair.
"Ow hey! This will be fun for both of us. I promise. I'm just popping down to the market, the magical one so you can come too. I just realized the majority of the bacon we had at Hogwarts and here are usually rashers or occasionally streaky. Were you aware that there are other kinds?"
Hedwig gasped.
"Right? Let's go and get some different kinds and see what other types of bacon there are. We can see if they stack up." He laughed as she pulled his hair with her beak enthusiastically, goading him on.
Harry was a regular sight at the Isle of Skye local magical market. He got the majority of his groceries there, something the local farmers liked a lot. On top of his role as their star seeker, the residents there had come to really like Harry as a person and neighbor. More than a few waved and greeted him, wishing him well and hoping for a speedy recovery. All liked seeing Hedwig riding on the top of his head and they greeted her warmly too.
"Hey there Harry," a woman greeted. She had broad shoulders and bare arms with plenty of muscles, her smile was large and warm. "How's my favorite customer?"
"She's good," Harry said and Hedwig cheeped in affirmation. "How are you, Linette?"
The butcher smiled. "Doing good, can't complain. Oh and don't you worry, next time Ballycastle comes to Skye, we're going to give it to them. They'll regret trying to take you out." Others growled in shared indignation.
Harry smiled. "Don't be too harsh on them. I mean, they're Ballycastle so they're already pretty pitiful." He joined their laughter, wincing slightly holding his ribs. "I'm lucky I got off light technically."
"Well, we're still going to make 'em pay." Linette wiped her hands on a towel tucked into her apron. "What're you looking for? I got some nice steaks yesterday. Oh and the pork chops look pretty good today too."
"I was actually hoping you have some different bacons. I've been wanting to try some different kinds and Hedwig is more than eager too."
Hedwig hooted hungrily.
"Well now, I have plenty of different kinds. Let me throw you a sampler of all I got." Linette smiled when Hedwig leaned over to nuzzle her. "Aww, just for that, I'll throw in some extra. You're such a good owl, aren't you, my pretty?"
"Positively shameless," Harry smiled.
"She works hard keeping you in line I bet," Linette said. She laughed at Hedwig's weary hoot. "Here we are." She filled a bag with lots of differently wrapped packages. "A bit of everything except for the vegetarian bacon."
"What the heck is vegetarian bacon?" Harry asked.
"Damned if I know. That's why I don't have any." Linette laughed at Hedwig's shocked expression. "It doesn't make any sense to me either." She and Harry argued for a bit before she finally accepted some money. "Come back and tell me your favorites!" she called after them as they left.
A waiting customer had watched the whole thing with an amused smile. "Does that usually happen?" he asked her.
Linette smiled. "With Hedwig riding Harry about? Oh yeah. One of the best things about them being here in my mind."
-0-
Harry hummed softly as he opened the packages and laid them out along the counter. Hedwig joined in, hooting in time musically with him as she watched him carefully. He looked at the little cards that Linette had inserted into each package, the name and brief description of each bacon as well as suggested cooking written on each.
"Some of these are better for dishes apparently," Harry said. "But for today, we'll just have them as is."
Hedwig bobbed her head. She had no complaints at all.
Harry finished the streaky bacon and the rashers first setting them out as their control bacons. He started cooking the rest and it was to Hedwig's credit that she resisted munching on the finished bacon. Instead, she watched Harry with interest as he made the other types.
"So this is pancetta," Harry said as he laid out the circular slices of bacon. "It's Italian and not smoked. Looks nice." He and Hedwig munched their slices. "Hmm, more herby and less smoky than our bacons."
Hedwig barked.
"Yeah, it's oddly chewier and crispier somehow. Probably because it's really thin sliced but still has a lot of fat. Where do you think it falls under on a scale?"
Hedwig picked up the card with her beak and laid it alongside the control bacon.
"I agree, not better than the controls but still good. Right, this is also Italian. It's called guanciale. It's made from the jowl and not the belly."
Hedwig chomped down on it, chewing it with a thoughtful expression.
"It's very fatty," Harry commented. "Apparently you're supposed to use this with pasta dishes more so than just eating it as is. It's not bad though. Very strong."
Hedwig cheeped and moved the card further down.
"Yeah I agree. I bet it is tasty in a dish but on its own, a bit much. I'll have to try that carbonara though, it sounds tasty." He grinned at Hedwig waving her tail feathers. "I know you think the noodles get in the way of the bacon. More for me and Katie then."
Hedwig delicately took a slice from him, chewing this new offering carefully. She gave him a look.
"This does taste more like ham," Harry said. "Canadian bacon is a back bacon. Chewy and nice but not what I'd think bacon should be." He laughed as she moodily kicked the card further down the counter. "It's not that bad. I bet there'll be one you find worse than that. Don't believe me?"
She watched him with a disbelieving air as he made the next one. When he offered her the slice, she licked it and immediately dropped it on the table before kicking it to the floor, hooting with distaste. She then took the card and flew to the trashcan and threw it in, after shredding it with her talons.
"Guess you're like Dora then and don't like turkey bacon." He chewed it. "I mean, it's not bad but it's not bacon either."
Hedwig's hoots were incredibly offended.
Harry read the next card as he cooked the next type. "I'm not even going to try and pronounce this but it's apparently Chinese. Cured and smoked with their favorite seasonings." He bit into it and looked at it with surprise. "Wow! That is a lot of flavor! Sweet and savory."
Hedwig chomped on it noisily.
"I don't think I'd like this for breakfast but it'd be good with other things." He watched as Hedwig put it above guanciale and slightly below pancetta. "Yeah, that's fair I think."
He and Hedwig ate the next type. "I don't know about this one. It's called speck and it's more like ham but it doesn't taste very hammy. Hmm, it's not bad. But not what I want out of a bacon either."
She hooted in agreement and dropped the card beside the Canadian bacon card. She waddled back up the counter and chomped on a rasher, looking content and happy.
"Yeah, I think streaky or rasher is still my favorite too." He looked askance at the next one and Hedwig shared his trepidation. "This one looks a little weird." He cooked it and set the slice on the table.
Hedwig hooted a question.
"I think it's supposed to look like that. It's called peameal. Smoked back bacon cured and rolled in cornmeal." He chewed his half of the slice. "Yeah, not a fan really. The cornmeal makes it odd."
Hedwig was violently chewing a piece of streaky bacon, as if to eliminate the taste of the peameal. When she finished, she looked covetously at the pan with the next type of bacon cooking.
"I knew you'd like this one," Harry chuckled. "Slab bacon. Certainly looks the name, doesn't it?" He put the extra thick slice on the plate and watched Hedwig attack it. He smiled at her look of pure undiluted happiness as she gnawed and tore at the bacon. "It's basically streaky bacon only way thicker. What's not to like?"
About an hour later saw Harry cleaning up the stove and storing up all the bacon drippings. Hedwig was still chewing on a piece of bacon but much slower than she ever had before. Harry put the rest of the uncooked bacon in the ice box and the cooked into the cold box. "Well, I think we've managed to try most forms of known bacon and looks like streaky and rasher still is the best for general purpose and simple enjoyment."
Hedwig hooted in agreement. She hooted again as Harry walked past, giving him a pleading look.
"I think we finally found your limit," Harry said as he picked her up. He carried her to his chair and sat down, setting her on his stomach. "Never thought we would."
Hedwig burped and toppled over, lying on her back and her feet in the air. She hooted slowly before falling asleep, snoring lustily.
Harry chuckled and gently patted her belly. "Good girl," he murmured. "I'm glad you're with me Hedwig."
She cheeped in her sleep and flopped her wing over his hand.
He smiled and drifted off to sleep, comforted by her snores and her warmth.
-0-
"Harry?"
Harry blinked, waking up slowly. "Hunh?" he grunted. "Whozzat?" His eyes slowly focused. "Oh, hi Luna."
She looked down at him. "I'm sorry for coming unannounced but one of your teammates came to me when you didn't answer your door. She was worried about you. Are you okay?"
"I got injured in last night's game," he said, wincing from the ache in his bones. "Been taking it easy."
Luna looked concerned and her concern grew when she looked at Hedwig on his stomach. "Is Hedwig okay?"
He smiled. "She's fine. Just been over-baconed." He gently rubbed her belly and the owl belched.
Luna laughed. "My goodness! I thought your flat smelled like bacon but Hedwig positively reeks of it."
"Probably the best day of her life," he said fondly. "We had a lot."
"Second best I would say, after meeting you," she replied. "Why didn't you tell me you were alone?"
"You said you'd be busy this weekend last weekend," he said, feeling sheepish. "Everyone's been busy. I'm okay."
"I would have made time if I knew you'd gotten hurt."
"Well, that's not a reason in my mind to make you drop plans or whatnot."
Luna sighed. "Well I managed to finish my commissions up for a while so I'll help take care of you." She reached out and gently picked Hedwig up. "Goodness! Why is she so heavy?"
"We had a lot of bacon," Harry smiled.
Angry hooting filled the flat and Luna looked down at the passed-out owl in her arms with confusion.
"Oh, the mirror," Harry said and made to rise.
"No, you stay," Luna ordered. "I'll stick you to the chair if you move." She laid Hedwig down on a small bed beside her roost and walked into the bedroom to find the small two-way mirror shaking and hooting. When she picked it up the surfaced shimmered, revealing a very worried Katie.
"Oh Luna! Hi, is everything okay?" she asked.
"Hello Katie. I just let myself in. Miss Tanya came to me when Harry wasn't answering the door. He's fine."
"Oh thank goodness. Healer Finn sent me a message and I only just got it and I bet he didn't tell anyone."
"We all are rather busy to be fair," Luna said.
"And he doesn't want to bother anyone," Katie continued, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad you're there."
"Me too. He was fine. He and Hedwig ate a lot of bacon together and were napping together."
Katie laughed. "I'm so glad I never have to worry about Harry. So many people worry about their significant others getting into trouble or doing something bad and mine wants to sleep with his owl and eat bacon."
Luna carried the mirror out and Katie laughed at seeing the splayed-out Hedwig still in her bacon-induced coma. She glared at Harry when Luna pointed the mirror at him.
"It wasn't my fault!" Harry protested. "I was targeted!"
"I know, but I'm still upset that you didn't tell anyone."
"My main healers are all out of the country, what do you want me to do?" he retorted. He winced when he heard angry sounds come through the mirror and they had nothing to do with his injuries. "MumAndi and SamMum are right beside you, aren't they?"
"You better not complain when we get back," Samantha said.
"You're in for it," Andromeda said.
Luna waved her wand and a light mist spilled from the tip, falling in front of the mirror. "Oh no, I think the runes are starting to fizzle."
"What?! What's going on? Luna!" Katie shouted.
"Oh good thing Luna is here," Harry said, stifling a smile. "We'll have to cancel the enchantment on the mirror and redo the runes. Love you Katie and Mums! Don't worry, Luna'll take good care of me. We'll call back when it's fixed."
"Fizzling runes my arse!" Katie yelled before the mirror went blank, showing a grinning Harry.
"Thanks Luna," he said gratefully.
Luna giggled. "You know this will only make them madder right?"
"I know but we can actually redo the runes to show that we did it and pretend that was the problem," Harry said.
"I've been wanting to redo mine too so we can do them together." She laid the mirrors out onto the table and unrolled her rune kit that she brought along.
"Sounds good. What would you like for dinner?"
"I'm in the mood for something with bacon for some odd reason."
Hedwig hooted.
"She's insatiable," Harry said, shaking his head.
-0-0-0-
diffident-serpiente - I think the request was for an entire fic and I'm considering it for some reason. I just don't know if I want to try and make it sincere and fit the setting canonically or with minor differences or make it over the top with more of a Food Wars and Toriko combination setting. I really need to bounce some ideas off someone because I am leaning towards the latter and it'll be a lot of work but it might work.
Urgwaew - I thought it would be a fun and realistic way to show how they both are similar and different at the same time. The closing his eyes bit was my second favorite part of the chapter too. My favorite was the waves of bubbles pleasing the astronomy professor. I don't know if I will make a full chapter of Percy and Charlie but I might be able to work it in somehow. I'll think about it. I love to cook in real life so I'm sure I can make more cooking chapters and potentially a full fic as you might have seen. All the best to you.
jahi06 - I'm glad you do, thank you.
alix33 - It could have been someone's hoard of mice.
DOOOOOOM Lord of Waffles - Things work out in the end so Angie won't be distraught for long. Thank you.
