Twenty Years Ago
"Hey! Leave him alone!" Nikita's small, shrill voice rang across the playground. Kids all across the park appeared to stop at the warning. They wouldn't dare mess with that shout. They wouldn't even continue playing. All they could do was watch the nine year old girl stalk towards a group of older boys torturing a kid in the sandpit. The middle schoolers were all bigger and taller than Nikita, yet that didn't deter her. She took the duffel bag she had been carrying on her way to soccer practice off her shoulder, and struck the biggest bully in the back of his head.
Regret jolted through Nikita when the much bigger boy turned around and glared. However, she soon shook the feeling away. She had to hit him, and she had to keep hitting him. Utilizing both her duffel bag and her cleats, Nikita was able to battle away the bullies. They got in their own fair share of hits and sand throwing. But her sheer rage and determination soon drove them away. The fight wasn't worth it to the middle schoolers. But to Nikita, it was everything. As soon as the bullies ran away, she crouched down in front of the six year old boy they had tormented. She wiped away the sand and his tears, smiling softly, "You okay, Sean?"
In complete and utter awe, Sean looked up at his big sister. He hadn't expected anyone to help him when the older boys kicked sand in his face and shoved him down. He thought he'd have to fend for himself, despite his small size. Yet, even from across the park, Nikita heard his shouts and came running. She helped him fight the bullies; though, she was hurt in the process. She just hid her tears over the swelling bruise on her cheek, and helped her little brother stand- he was more important. Instantly, he wrapped her in a tight embrace, "You're my hero, Nikki."
Present
Alex nearly ran over Nikita as she left Medical. Nikita tried to gain her attention, calling her back to see what was the matter. But Alex just kept walking. She rotated her injured shoulder, hunched over so no one would notice her. She must've been hurting. Nikita wanted to find a way to help, yet Alex was in her own world; she wouldn't acknowledge any of her surroundings. She hurried away, bumping into even more people without noticing. It was odd. It was really odd. Something was wrong.
A million possibilities raced through Nikita's mind about what could've happened. The only thing that made sense as to why Alex was so upset was that she had talked to Sean. Nikita had heard that her brother was in Medical. After the fit he had thrown at the celebratory engagement dinner, he was finally back in Division. Nikita wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Yet, it seemed Alex had already done that. Or, she at least tried to. Sean probably upset her with more of his bullshit comments.
On one hand, Nikita should've gone to comfort Alex; she should've seen if her best friend was alright. However, on the other hand, she was too pissed at her brother to think rationally. Where did he get off talking to people like he was better than them. He believed his opinions were the only correct ones, leaving so many people hurt. Even Michael was miffed after the ruined dinner, and he hardly let those things affect him. Nikita had to tear her brother a new one. She stalked after where she thought he would've gone, soon finding him in the garage. Before Sean could realize his sister was behind him, she shouted, "What did you say to Alex?"
"I'm done with this place. I suggest you should be too," Sean whirled around to snap at his sister. He probably should've just gotten into his car and left- called Nikita on his way out. He was only a few steps from his vehicle. He could get in it, take the carport up, drive away, and calm down. He needed to settle before having that conversation with his sister. Yet it was too late for his emotions to choose any other option. Sean had to shout at Nikita. He had to vent his frustrations to her. She was a part of the problem, after all. Just like Alex, she had the chance to return home but wouldn't take it. Why was no one leaving the line of fire.
"Don't tell me a Navy Seal is afraid of a little gas," Nikita huffed. Obviously, the situation was far more serious than that. Amanda had killed Division's medics. She attacked them, taunted them, scared the living hell out of them. Amanda having the cryptographic key was beyond horrific. If Division didn't take it back, they'd be dead. Those were reasons to stick together, though. The agents had to rally together to defeat the bitch and stay alive. Running away was what Amanda wanted them to do. The agents needed to stay strong, fight back. A Navy Seal would know that more than they did.
"Why can't you just leave things alone, Nikita? You couldn't leave the security videos alone, and look what happened. You can't ever go home. People are raging wars around you. Ms. Bennet died. The twins will never see you again. Birkhoff, Ryan, and so many others have to keep hiding here. Alex got so sucked into your crusade she was nearly killed. Michael can't go home either, because you won't let him. And you murdered Mom and Dad," It all spilled out of him. Every last terrible thought Sean had was spewed at his sister. He wasn't even able to think or hold anything back. His frayed, anxious senses forced it out of him. There was no stopping it.
Nikita blinked. She stared at her brother, slack-jawed. A part of her couldn't comprehend what he just said. How did he know some of her darkest thoughts. How did he know the things she had whispered to Michael in their bedroom under the cover of night. She knew her actions led to her parents' death. The stress of 'losing' a daughter caused her father's already high blood pressure to spike, and he had a fatal heart attack. The atrocious things she had done to Brandt forced him to want revenge, and he killed her mother to get to her. Nikita killed her parents.
Although Michael always negated that fact, always told her that she was never at fault for what happened to her parents, Nikita didn't believe him. When her brother yelled at her, she knew why. She was a monster. Her younger brother thought so, which meant it was undoubtedly true. Tears blurred her vision, and bile churned in her stomach. Rage and sorrow shook her frame. She didn't know if she was livid with herself or with the world. Either way, her anger was unleashed on Sean. Screaming, she shoved him away, "You want to leave? Then, get out! Get the fuck out of Division! Get the fuck out of my life! And never, ever, fucking come back!"
Sean regretted his words the instant they left his mouth. How could he have accused his sister of killing their parents when he never blamed her before. How fucked up did his anxiety make him if he was harming the people he loved. He should've fixed it. He should've reached for Nikita and apologized. He should've chased after Alex and decided to stay because he loved her. Yet Sean couldn't make himself do any of those things. Fear continued to pull at the back of his mind, begging him to leave. He was powerless to resist it. So, he followed the call.
Refusing to look behind her, Nikita stormed out of the garage. A part of her silently wished that Sean would chase after her, and they could both apologize. But then she heard him start his car and activate the carport. Her heart broke. Hot, heavy tears spelled down her cheeks. She rushed towards Ops, needing to distance herself as far from the garage as possible- as far from Sean. She didn't care if anyone saw her crying. What was the point in hiding it. She didn't want to be there anymore. She wanted to prove Sean wrong and end Division for good.
After calming the troops as they panicked over Amanda's attack and threat, Nikita had rushed off to find her brother. Someone had spotted him in Medical, and Michael urged his fiancée to go talk to him (it was why he had texted him the update in the first place). He expected Sean to rejoin the team and help them fight. Instead, Nikita returned to Ops alone and with tears simmering in her dark brown eyes. She wasn't fighting them back like she normally did. Her hurt wasn't hidden. She was too overwhelmed to be able to control herself. Something was wrong.
Michael could see it all over his fiancée's expression. Something was wrong- other than Amanda attacking Division. She never let others see her cry. Birkhoff and Ryan had seen her tear up once or twice. Alex and Owen had seen a few tears slip past her defenses. But only Michael had seen her sob. Even when her mother died, Nikita held herself together in front of her team (though, shock mostly lent a hand there). She strived to be strong, fearless, commanding, and capable in front of the others. They had to know they could rely on her. If she was openly crying, then something was drastically wrong. Her fiancé needed to know how wrong, "Where's Sean?"
"Fuck him. We're doing this without him," Although a sob choked her voice, Nikita commanded. She furiously wiped the tears from her eyes, and focused on Birkhoff. She had had an idea about a way to track Amanda after her horrific face popped up on their monitors. Even if she used the magical hacking key to access their servers, where she was hacking from could've been traced. An IP address, or something else technical, could've been left behind. The team had to try anything they could to locate Amanda. They had to capture her and kill her.
Birkhoff had already been thinking about that. The way Nikita phrased her request simply helped him think of ways to go about back-hacking the cryptograph. Except, while he furiously typed away, he spared a glance at Michael. Nikita's tears combined with her fierce determination was freaking the hacker out. She had seemed fine when she left Ops earlier. Sure, she was panicked about the attack like the rest of them. But it wasn't like that. Amanda pissed her off, she didn't make her want to break down and cry.
As much as Michael wanted to provide an explanation for what was going on with Nikita, he was as clueless as everyone else. He kept expecting Sean to join them all in Ops, but he never showed. He was just gone. That didn't make any sense. Gently, Michael tried to pull Nikita aside so she would talk to him. She had to explain why she was crying, where Sean went, and why she was so mad at him. However, she wouldn't leave Birkhoff's side at the computer. She shoved her fiancé's soft hands off her. She only wanted to focus on Amanda.
Glancing around the room, Michael only felt increasingly helpless. The situation with Amanda was already the worst. She had an army of former Gogol and rogue Division agents. She was working with Ari Tasorov on a scheme that was bound to torture the whole world. She had a piece of technology that allowed her to hack into anything. And, for some reason, she had her sights set on Owen. Everything was falling apart around the team. Nikita crumbling right in front of their eyes only added to the pressure. They had to find Amanda before the bitch caused more destruction, and before Nikita completely collapsed.
Sonya helped Birkhoff in his frantic search for a trace on the cryptograph. Every so often she cast her own concerned glances at Michael and Nikita. Ryan and Owen joined the group, instantly doing the same. Although Nikita managed to ignore them all, tearfully leading the team through her thoughts about what their next course of action should be, Michael felt the effect of each stare. He had to help his fiancée stop crying. And he had to reassure the others that it could be alright. He simply had no idea how he was going to do that, until he saw Alex walk into Ops. She'd know what to do. She was close to both Sean and Nikita. She'd know what was going on.
Except, as Alex moved closer to the others, Michael knew something was off with her. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with her, unlike Nikita. Yet something was definitely off with the young woman. Her eyes were too focused, her muscles were too rigid, her breathing was shallow, and she just looked entirely too alert. Alex was ready for a fight. She could probably walk into the field and take on all their enemies at once. Although that wasn't typically a bad thing, that wasn't normal for her. She wasn't normally so agitated.
If Nikita noticed that as well, she didn't comment on it. She simply roped Alex in on everything she had missed. The young woman listened intently, not even mentioning the tears disappearing from her best friend's eyes. Once Birkhoff and Sonya located Amanda, they were going to take off on their next mission. Half the team would grab the cryptograph, while the other half dealt with Amanda and Ari. With her arm in a sling, Alex wasn't considered for the attack. Nikita offered for her to lead the mission from Ops, yet that wasn't good enough. She ripped off her sling and seethed, "I'm with you. My shoulder's fine. Let's just fucking go."
Despite protests from the others, Ryan okayed the operation. Alex and Nikita would lead the different teams, one for the cryptograph, the other for Amanda. The rest of the team wasn't a fan of the decision, though. The women should sit the mission out; they should calm down and heal. But it was too late for any other decision. The computers chimed with Amanda's location, and there wasn't any time to waste. They would just have to plan on the plane to the bitch's hideout. Division couldn't miss their chance. All that pain and misery had to end immediately.
Honestly, the team should've taken the time to plan properly. Despite their impressive force, and the fact that they eventually made off with the cryptographic key, the mission wasn't entirely a success. It was almost as if Amanda was waiting for them. She made another grab at Owen, and almost managed to do something to him before Nikita saved him. Alex was severely hurt as she fought for the key, her nearly healed shoulder shattering once more. And chaos exploded all over the team. It was difficult to get a handle on everything that happened. The fact that they all made it back to the plane afterwards was a miracle.
What continued to be hell, however, was that they weren't able to kill Amanda. She, Ari, and Ann slipped Division's grasp once more. Alex and Nikita were the most upset by that fact. But they didn't talk to one another about it. The two simply glanced at each other, recognized the same look in their eyes, and kept their distance. That was among the list of things Michael didn't understand, and it was turning his confusion into anger. What was going on with Nikita and Alex. What were they holding back. And where the fuck was Sean.
