It's strange how used to one becomes to something as the time passes— even if you may think at one point in your life that you cannot live without something, you still get used to living without the said thing once enough time had passed away from it.

The same happened with me— after twelve years in this new world, I finally (somewhat) felt like a part of it. And majority of it was thanks to Shigeno-sensei and the twins, who never lost hope in me. After all, I dis knew how stubborn and know-it-all I could be.

"You're done with the dishes, Miyasha?" Sensei asked suddenly, breaking me out of my musings.

"Hai, sensei." I replied gingerly as I rinsed my hands, "Did you need something?"

"I wanted to talk to you regarding your training." He answered rather casually as he exited the kitchen, "I'll be in the yard— come in when you are ready."

When I'm... ready?
What the hell was this crazy old man up to now?

I mean, sensei was a very good man and a great teacher, but he was very random and unpredictable in his acts— which made him very very difficult to read or handle. Even after training seven years under this man, I was yet to even get used to his mannerisms. At least I could proudly claim that I was better than the twins, even though those two stayed with him way longer than I did.

A nostalgic smile spread on my face as I thought about those two numbskulls; their birthday was just around the corner, and I really hoped they visited the area once. Or at least, sent their crows in with letters or something.

It had been a good eight months or so since their final selection and damn I'm so fucking glad those two idiots made in— but felt low-key scared for them as well because they were now in the front-lines.

That's how much of an idiot I was— attaching myself to people who could easily die before their time due to them being in a 'profession' where they needed to lay down their lives to fight with things that were way beyond their capacity.

'Ironic how you miss them more than the family you left behi' I clamped down on that thought before it could be completed. I didn't want to think about my past any more than I already did; especially when my future was so uncertain— scratch that, even my present was not so certain either. Anything could happen at any moment and I still didn't feel confident enough about the idea of handling any situation on my own...

Regardless of that, I made my way to my room to retrieve the nichirin swords— I was given those to train with just a few days after I had turned twelve. And yes, swords as in plural because for the past seven years, sensei had trained me in dual wielding— wielding a sword in each hand, especially when he noticed that I had a strange imbalance while wielding with either of the hands separately. It was a very strange realization for the both of us; though, it did confirm a lot of things for me.

I was a right-handed person in my last life and I continued with the same habit in this one; but unlike my last life, my left hand in this body is much more... stronger? It was like Miyasha (not me, but the girl who was supposed to be born instead of me-) was supposed to be left-handed. This, in turn, caused me some major mishaps— unconsciously, of course. Like trying to punch or block in self defense with my left hand, which turned out as a very bad reflex because even if it was strong for a non-dominant hand, it wasn't as functional as a dominant one— at least not before my training

'What is sensei up to now?' I found myself thinking as I proceeded towards the yard of the temple. I had a very strong feeling that he would most likely attack me or something, to test my agili—

"Ah!" I instantly rolled aside as sensei jumped down from the roof of the temple, as soon as I entered the yard. In fact, he didn't stopped there; he tried jabbing his wooden sword directly onto my solar plexus but I jumped a few steps back to avoid it.

His attacks continued for about a few couple of minutes after that— making it very difficult for me to stay in defense as his attacks were relentless. This guy had the stamina like a bloody animal and his high speed and agility were definitely nothing to be taken lightly. The weight of the swords in my hands, on top of it, made it pretty difficult for me to dodge especially since they both were very heavy for my twelve years self.

Unfortunately, I dropped one sword as I ducked when sensei lunged forward, aiming his sword towards my throat. He instantly proceeded to turn in for a roundhouse kick as I jumped backwards, arms raised to block. The strength of his right leg slamming into my crossed arms sent me sprawling, making my back slam at the wall of the temple.

"Your speed," his gruff voice noted, "has significantly increased. Your strength however, leaves much to be desired; though I cannot blame you for that, since you still are of a quite small stature." He picked up the sword I dropped and unsheathed the turquoise blade, "Your defense has significantly improved as well, which I must say, is a very pleasant change from your rash attack tactic."

I blushed as I slowly recovered from my slumped position, "I was practicing on that for the past four months, just as you had asked me to..." I huffed loudly, trying to stabilize my rapid breathing.

"That's good to know." he praised me as he patted my head, "You seem to have maintained the swords quite well too, for which I thank you."

"Did you expected me to... break them like Toshi-senpai did?"

"No, but I kept my expectations low, just in case."

"Heh," I snorted as I handed over the other sword for him to look over once as well, "I don't like misusing things which are not mine."

"That's very responsible of you," he commented offhandedly as he inspected the other turquoise nichirin sword, "If only the other two were as responsible as you, child."

"Regardless of that," sensei continued as he sheathed the sword in his hand, "I called you here to inform you that I am done teaching you. You are free to go."

"E-Eh...?"

"You," he slowly repeated his words, "Are free to go if you wish to, from tomorrow onward. Your training under me is complete as you have mastered everything I could offer you."

"I-I am?" I blurted out in surprise, still not accepting the fact that my training is finally over.

"You are." his gaze oddly sharpened, "Now, stop doubting yourself, child. I have taught you every skill I could— except the breathing technique, as you had refused. And you, Sarota, have mastered every single one of them."

"I... I am not yet even familiar with many things, let alone mastering them and just now-"

"As are Hitoshi and Hiroshi, but you won't see them questioning their own capabilities."

"They," a smile spread across my face as I was reminded of their cocky attitudes, "have trained way longer than me..."

"So? They still can't get up in the morning, despite me trying to get them into that habit for years." I grinned as I remembered how Hitoshi was complaining (in his letter) about their crows pecking them awake in the morning for their missions. "It is true that you have trained far less than the boys, but you also have mastered everything I taught you far better and quicker than both of them combined. So, stop focusing on the experiences and credentials you don't have, rather than on the ones you already do."

"Yes, sensei." I mentally winced at my own unconvinced tone, drawing a sigh from the older man in front of me.

"In the end, it's only you who can satisfy yourself. Remember that, Miyasha."

Hah, ironic how I used to tell this to my parents in last life, and now have the same thing being told to me.

.
.

"By the way, Sensei?"

"Hm?"

"Did you really had to do that?"

"I can't send you to terminate any demon since you don't want to be a demon slayer, so yes."

"...fair enough."


"Missing them?" Shigeno-sensei asked offhandedly as he entered the common room.

"...no," I answered quietly as I folded the freshly dried laundries, "I was just... remembering that today we would have been celebrating their birthday if they were here."

"It's surprising that you more worry about them now rather than initially when they were out for their final selection." Sensei mused out loud as he started helping me with the dry laundry.

"I am not worrying, sensei." I huffed, collecting all the folded clothes into different piles, "I was just wondering why they couldn't even visit once... or just send a letter instead..." Like they did before.

"Some missions can be very taxing, Miyasha." Sensei smiled down at me, "Perhaps, they just couldn't get time to send their crows with the letters." I huffed again, pouting involuntarily as sensei took the now folded clothes to our respective rooms.

"Sulking would do nothing, child."

"...I'm not sulking!"

"Mmhm," he smiled cheekily, "Are you still going to make those mochi for their birthday...?"

"...No."
And I did end up making them.

"It's just... the New Year is almost upon us, and today is the twins' birthday. So, I thought I could make some cakes as a... celebration." Sensei laughed heartily at my half-hearted explanation, patting me as he went in the kitchen to bring in the plates and food.

"Very considerate of you, child." Sensei smiled and patted me again as we sat down to eat, "Thank you for taking care of them so well, though you do seem to spoil them a little more than you should."

What...? "You make it sound like I am their mother..." I mumbled, glowering at him as he started laughing again.

"I make it sound as such because you behave just like that," With a kind smile on his lips, Sensei continued, "And not just to them, but to me too." He gently teased as his green eyes twinkled with mirth.

I huffed loudly to show my displeasure at his teasing and stuffed a big bite of the fish in my mouth, making him laugh even more. He was just as childish as those two when he wanted to be.

Oh! That just reminded me-
"Sensei?"

"Yes, Miyasha?"

"...Can I leave tomorrow for the town?" I asked hesitantly, "I... wanted to visit somewhere."

Sensei hummed, "I won't stop you then. But do wear appropriate clothing for the weather and take a sword with you inside that large shawl you have— it is not safe out there, nowadays."

"Hai, sensei!" I smiled at his caring nature, "Oh, and sensei, do you... know any brothel that is near here? Or... at the bank of the river, which is near the temple?"

"Brothel?" He raised an eyebrow, looking at me with an unreadable expression. "I am not familiar with one near any river, but there are only two areas nearby that are have very popular brothels— the red district area: which is a cluster of brothels together, and the western district of Kurto which is the nearest one, being just a few towns away from here."

"Ah, thank you sensei." I smiled at him gratefully for both helping me and not asking the reason behind my question. It honestly wasn't that I didn't want to explain it to him, but rather it was that I wasn't yet comfortable to tell him the full details. Only the twins were aware that I was a daughter of an oiran and even though sensei was a man who never judged, I still found myself hesitating.

"But," sensei suddenly interjected, "Before you go out, take some medicines and food along with you- both the brothels are quite further away."

"Hai, sensei."

"Also," his voice strangely mellowed down as he asked, "Do you want me to guide you the way to the... brothel?"

I blinked twice at his... very expected question actually. "Uh-"

"It is far." He justified, "Not to mention that it might be dangerous for someone as young as you."

"I... um, this is... for my personal reasons and that's why I want to..."

"Go alone? Understandable. Let me make a map for you then, if you don't mind?"

That actually... won't be that bad.
"Yes please, sensei. Thank you so much!" I thanked him genuinely, making sure to let my expression be as grateful as I could because this man right here, was a blessing in disguise.

He treated me almost as an equal to him, rather than a twelve year child that my physical body depicted me to be. Not to get me started on the fact how he never hindered us (me and the twins) from experiencing anything, even if it may seem dangerous- which may seem irresponsible for a guardian, but was a necessity in this kind of world.

And maybe that's what I needed the most— lots of experience and trust in my own skills.


The chilly breeze outside was cutting through my skin like a sharp knife, making me shiver because of its harsh torture.

I used to love winter in my past life; the cold air felt refreshing to my too warm body that I was used to for nineteen years. I couldn't, for the love of God, handle heat at all back then.

But now?
I can't handle cold. How ironic can that be?

It was like my body was almost always cold— the tips of my fingers freezing cold even in the summer; such a drastic change from the sweaty hands I once had.

I clutched the large woollen shawl closer to my small body, rubbing my frozen digits on its coarse texture. The friction it caused made some heat generate back into my fingers, making me slightly warmer than before.

Japan always had these notorious winters— the snow making them beautiful but harsh at the same time. And the Kurto region— where the brothel I used to live in should be— had that harsh-beauty aspect at its finest, with all the heavy snow it gets here.

'It looks...' I looked around gingerly as I blew air onto my hands to warm them up, '...so empty. What happened here...? Did the demons-' I shook my head to get the gruesome thoughts out of my head.

It took me six days to reach this district; traveling by foot in this thick snow was far more challenging than I thought. But then again, I never exactly travelled so far in snow before.

'Except the time I dived into that river almost eight years back.' I mused as I made my way through the familiar, yet so unfamiliar streets.

Every door, every window was closed— there wasn't even a single sound to depict if there was still any life residing in these houses. And I would have even believed that, had I not have the ability to sense auras.

There was also this strange gloominess that clutched this district in a very ominous way. This bizarre atmosphere was overwhelming at best, if I had to describe it in any other way.

I walked through the maze of streets for a while, searching for that one similar path that I could still remember vividly— the one that I used most to go to the vendors near the brothel. It was the only one that I had somehow retained the memory of, within all the mess of memories I had from both my lives.

My breath hitched when I found that familiar street— even with all the snow covering it, I could never forget it. The snow just made it feel more... lonely, discarded.

Just like what I tried to with the memories of my past.

I slowly walked towards brothel, shivering in cold and a strange nervousness as the freezing wind brushed pass me again. My eyes watered involuntarily as I stared back at the arriving entrance of the once buzzing entertainment house. It looked so dark, empty, cold... tragic.

I took a deep breath— feeling the cold air burning through my lungs which hindered me from shedding any tears, making my body feel colder but more aware than before. I... don't want to break down. Not yet.

I entered into the brothel feeling numb— the wooden floor creaking beneath my small feet. There was... a moist feeling to this whole place; almost like a... stale kind of smell.

Maybe this was how abandonment smelled like, huh?

Forgotten memories trickled in as I slowly looked over the place— a little me running through the rooms doing tasks that I was allotted, Yeri-san playing koto as I sat down beside her, oka-san showing me how to dance with her fans...

Warm tears trailed down my face on their own accord as I finally reached the room oka-san and I shared. The sliding door was crooked; broken off its track. I remember the room being in disarray when I last... saw it, but now it was all... empty. Destroyed.

I slowly entered the room, marvelling at how the last rays of twilight illuminated it in such serene manner. A shuddering breathe left my body as I sat down in front of her dressing table— staring at the huge crack on its mirror near the left corner, wondering just how I ended up here. Just how I ended up in all this mess...

A humourless laugh bubbled through my body, making me almost double over in hysterical laughter as tears trickled down my face. I laid down on my back, covering my eyes with right forearm as I laugh-cried. My small body trembled in grief as I finally let everything out— the loss of my little sister, my mother, oka-san, Yeri-san... everything. Once and for all.

These walls felt just like I was feeling— abandoned, empty and disappointed. The stale taste felt so familiar and so... relieving.

I sniffled loudly, letting my body calm itself down on its own accord. My mind finally felt lighter than before, calmer, and a bit more... me.

Maybe this was not the closure I was looking for, but I would still take it— all this being reborn and almost dying and demons and everything was too much for me. Just being Miyasha was too much for me; pretending to live as someone I am not in a world where I should not exist and with knowledge I should not have... it was just too much.

And still... there was this strange pull I had— this strange... desire to live, excitement to see. Maybe because I already knew a part of the future? Did I really didn't want to be a part of the plot—

'Shut it.'
I am not going to think about all this. Not now, at least. Right now, I just want to be. Breathe. Sleep. Live.

After taking another deep breath of the stale air near me, I got up from the filthy floor— gingerly brushing away all the dust my clothes had collected as I had rolled around the floor without a care.

I slowly looked around one last time before taking off— 'Wait, what's... that-?' I reached out under the dressing table, grabbing what seemed like a colourful cloth...?

My heart skipped a beat as I pulled out the old wine red fan- the dusty golden floral pattern still clear on its firm hilt. It was a part of oka-san's favourite and most expensive pair of hand-fans that she loved to perform with.

But... 'Where is the other one?' I frowned as I instantly started searching through the room for its other pair. Unfortunately, the sun was already below the horizon, thus, taking away its natural luminous away from me. The dust and cluster of cobwebs didn't help in my task either.

Sadly even after searching an hour in the light of the candle (that I had the hindsight to bring along with me), I could not find the other pair of that iconic fan.

I dusted the wine red fan gently, thinking wistfully about how much this one fan summed up this whole journey.

'Gained some closure over the recent grief and yet, opened up the bottle of longing-ness for my previous life, or rather... for attachment? I am no longer sure myself.'


"I'm home..." my voice quivered as I called out the standard Japanese greeting after entering the temple. For the past whole week, it was as if everything made me want to bawl my eyes out.

"Welcome home, Miyasha." Sensei warmly welcomed me with a soft, but excited smile. "The boys have sent their letters when you were away. I haven't yet opened them, so rest assured."

"Oh? Where are those? Can I see the—"

"Not now." He sternly ordered, "You just came back from a two week journey. Go keep your satchel in your room and freshen up while I start with the dinner. Eat and then we can open them. If they can take time to reply to our letters, then so can we."

I suppressed a smile at his worrying, "Hai, sensei." I replied softly as I proceeded towards me room.

"And Miyasha?"

"Hai, sensei?"

"I am here for you, if you ever want to talk about it." He said warmly as he patted my back, "Also, the villagers were asking for you. Do make sure to go meet them when you are free."

I stood there for a few minutes more, watching him move towards the kitchen. This time, I couldn't stop the tears that streamed down my face.

.
.

"Idiots." I mumbled as I glowered at their sloppy handwriting.
Apparently those two idiots had got themselves injured and had been resting in the butterfly estate for the past one month.

"No need to be so harsh on them." Sensei defended them half-heartedly as he suppressed a smile at my reaction.

"How can I not? Those idiots trained for more than a decade and still ended up getting injured within the first year of their actual work."

"Yes, yes." He mockingly agreed as he drank his tea, making my vain pop.
Men will always be men— careless and carefree.

"But... sensei," I began, "why did you not take any more students than... us? Or train us for this long? I mean, you had trained them for, uh, longer than they needed— I mean, it's not like they didn't needed the rest of—"

"You mean to ask me why I prolonged their training while I could have ended it quite early?" He raised his eyebrow as I nodded back, "I don't want to rush in as many students as I can, because that would do nothing but end them making prey to the demons. Quality is my priority and that is why I have taught you three everything I could to the best of my ability."

"O-Oh..." that actually makes sense." But I don't want to be a demon slayer... then why teach me?"

"Why indeed," he hummed, "Maybe because I believe this art should not only be restricted for the demon slayers."

"What...? Sensei, if the breathe style is taught to everyone, then even demons would know about it... which would be counter-productive. Not to mention that you may have to perform..." I gulped as I couldn't bring myself to say that word.

"Seppuku?" Sensei asked with a half-smile, "I know. That is why I chose you."

"E-Eh?"

"It is true that you may turn into a demon, but I believe that you would never let it happen to yourself," he directed a knowing smile towards me, "Because no matter how much you hate humans, you could never bear to see one dying under your watch, let alone killing one."

"Y-You don't know that..." in fact, I didn't knew either.

"Oh? You would then?" Would I?

I...
I don't know.
And that scared me.

I mean, I know I would save people if I was given the chance... but if there was danger on my life as well, would I still do it?
And if I didn't, would I be a monster?
What if I couldn't save them? What if... I knew they would die and I couldn't save them? Would it be my fault? Would I be able to change things with the knowledge I have? Should change though—?

"Miyasha," his firm grip on my shoulder pulled me off of my panicked thoughts, the warmth of his hands somewhat bringing me back to reality. "Go to sleep. It is already pretty late."

And I tried, but I couldn't.
Sleep wouldn't come to me, even when I felt this bone-deep tiredness. It was like... my whole body was just numb and mind so full of questions.

I got up and opened my (still unpacked) satchel, taking out the dusty wine red fan. Its smooth red wine coloured silk had a serene shine to it which, along with the golden floral on its wooden hilt, made it look enchanting.

After washing it delicately— but meticulously —it looked even more beautiful. A sombre smile took over my face as I remembered how much oka-san loved to dance with it.

I took a deep breath and slowly brought up the fan with my right hand, turning over as I gracefully and delicately opened it with my left hand. Enacting through the dance she once taught me, I slowly let the rhythm of the steps wash away all my thoughts...


(~×~)


Shigeno smiled as he noticed her dancing in the yard.

Under the moonlight, her dance almost looked sacred— her peaceful expression and body language only adding to that imagery. He could almost feel the melancholy off of her graceful movements, as she flipped her fan open and moved it through the air.

He stood there on the edge of the yard, watching her dance her heart out. It was the first time he ever saw her so open— so very peaceful. Maybe this trip was necessary for her.

He sighed as he watched her finish her dance, her posture becoming stiff as soon as she heard him approach.

"That was Kyomai, was it not?" He asked casually as he saw her rise from her kneeling position.

"...Hai, sensei." She finally replied as she looked up to his eyes. Her violet eyes had a strange glow, emotions that he could not decipher brimming through them. But one thing he was sure of.

"Fan dancing comes more natural to you than swordsmanship, it seems." He smiled at the confusion that flashed through her eyes, "Maybe I can ask an old friend of mine to make some new weapon for you. He sure will love this new challenge."

His smile widened when he noticed that he had caught his student off-guard, "I may not be familiar with you as much as you are, but I still believe in you with the little I know of you, Miyasha. I hope the day comes soon when you see that power within you."

"T-This..." she started hesitantly, her lavender eyes clouding over with liquefied emotions, "...I-I don't want this power. I just... I just want to live. I... I don't want this..."

"One meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it." He said soberly as he looked at her tear-streamed face, "Accepting the destiny is the only way you can change it according to your own wishes."


(~×~)


"One meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

It's... so ironic.
So much so, that it was not even funny anymore.
What even more ironic was that I didn't even know if it was to be my destiny or not.

"You would need a weapon to take with yourself when you leave the temple." Sensei declared with a sombre expression, "I can ask a friend of mine to make a pair for you— though it solely depends on you if you want a pair of swords or..." he looked at the large fan in my hands.

"...fans?" I asked stupidly as I met his gaze.

"They form a good weapon and have quite similarities with swords, especially the ones as large as these." I nodded unconsciously as looked over red wine fan in my hand. It was at least a good thirty centimetres long and even wider than that, when fully opened.

"Should I...?"

"If you did," he started gently while brushing my unruly bangs off of my eyes, "I will not be able to train you. But, I will be here to help you. In the end, it is for you to decide your own fate."


(~End of Training Arc~)


Jaysus CHRIST. This is one long chapter and I sure as hell died writing and editing it— not to mention that this is literally my fourth draft and has been edited over four times more.

I have never been so tired (or relieved) after uploading a chapter xD

And am quite excited too! I mean, who wouldn't? We are meeting Tanjiro in the next arc~! I don't know about you guys, but I seriously cannot wait xD

Oh! And before you point it out— yes, I've deleted the first chapter (that waning one) and have changed the rating. I have delete the chapter because In felt that it was more relevant and useful on wattpad than here (Especially since people don't read the description there quite often) and for the rating, I am still quite not sure if I will add that amount of mature or not... so I'll cross the bridge when I'll reach it. For now, it'll be 'T'.

Anyhoo~ It's time for answering some reviews!

whatsername217: Hello dear! Thank you so much for your reviews! (I hope you continued reading this fanfic x'D) I actually really liked your theory on Miyasha's father and your input on her aura sensibility really made my day :') For now, I won't be disclosing any relevant info, but I can assure you this— It'll be disclosed in due time.

Einklley: This one was the longest I ever wrote, so I hope you enjoy :') And I really hope you stay safe and healthy too, dear! And don't worry, I sure am doing that. About those exclamation and emojis— I absolutely don't mind if you type in your reviews as you normally do! You don't need to change your writing style just because of me! I like you just the way you are, dear! And about the name— just call me Priya ^_^

Crystal Blue Butterfly: I'm really glad you liked this story! And thank you so much for giving this story a chance (^w^)

samuelpatricio96: Highly depends on which one you are talking about! If you are talking about the current life's one (which you most likely are), then she is already deceased.

And that's all with the comments— which were quite a lot! You guys literally made my whole month with your comments and I just can't thank you guys enough...!

Please look forward to the next chapter (Highschool AU this time) within the next hour or two!

Stay safe and stay tuned for more!