Trigger warning for domestic abuse


November 2017

Stevie straightened her short black dress in the mirror and smiled at her reflection. Her and Declan had been together a year, she had given this man a year of her life. She was praying that today was going to be the day they start over, today her and Dec could start again, she could learn to love him again and become the confident, happy woman she once was. "Happy anniversary" she smiled to him as he walked into the kitchen "Food won't be long".

"What are we having?"

"Erm, I have made a roast, I know it's your favourite and then I thought ice cream for dessert"

"Good, can't wait" he kissed her head "I'll pop to the shop for some wine".

When he returned they ate a happy dinner and she felt at ease, they talked about work and he even seemed interested in what she had to say. She dished up the ice cream and placed the bowl in front of him. "I have some sauces, if you want them" she moved to the fridge.

"I don't like ice cream" he stated, stopping her in her tracks "Have you ever seen me eat ice cream?" she turned to him and his face was unreadable

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll make something else, what do you want?"

"I want my girlfriend to know me" he moved quickly to her "But I'm guessing you like ice cream you selfish cow" he shouted as he grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against the fridge, she felt the magnets digging in her back and she gave out a slight moan. He grabbed the bowl of ice cream from the table

"Declan please" she sobbed as he spooned a handful out and forced it into her mouth, she gasped for breath as he threw the bowl to the floor, watching it smash. She quickly wiped her face as he let go of her.

"Eat up Stevie" he shouted, she looked confused as he threw the spoon to the floor "Eat your ice cream Stevie".


Stevie had sat on the sofa, like instructed, drank her wine, like instructed. He placed a small present to her lap. "I'm not sure if I said happy anniversary earlier" he grinned. Happy, was he having a laugh. "Here is your gift"

"We said no gifts Dec" she smiled as she opened the small bottle of perfume, something she would never normally of chosen but she wasn't that person anymore.

"I gave you twenty pound last week, what did you spend that on?"

"I needed my prescription and some personal items" his laugh put her on edge

"So you put your own needs first?"

"It wasn't like that" she froze as he snatched the bottle and threw it

"It's okay" he reassured as he gently touched her face, "There is something you can give me" he pushed her back onto the sofa and held her down before ripping her dress and underwear from her body.

"Please Dec, I don't want to do this, please stop" she cried

"Shut up, you owe me" he replied. She focused her attention on the wallpaper, memorising the pattern, counting the dots, the stripes, noticing things she never had before, trying to take her mind off the intense pain she was feeling as he brutally attacked her and her torn clothes on floor.


Stevie sat at the kitchen table, she was unsure how she had got to this point in her life, the man who claimed to love her, had beat her and humiliated her at any given opportunity and last night he had raped her. Their anniversary yesterday had been a disaster, she had gone to bed and pretended to sleep, not that it stopped him from forcing himself on her for a second time that evening. "Morning" he headed into the room and placed a kiss to her cheek "Last night was amazing" he moved to the kettle.

"Amazing" she spoke

"That almost sounded sarcastic Stevie"

"You raped me Declan"

"You are my girlfriend"

"I said no"

"And I said, you are my girlfriend"

"That doesn't make it okay" she wasn't sure where her sudden burst of self respect came from but she couldn't hold it in "I don't think we should be together anymore, I want to leave"

"Okay, that's the door" he pointed. She was sure it wouldn't be this easy to leave but maybe he had grown tired of her. She stood up and moved to the door. Feeling her head slam against the door frame, she fell to the floor, her lip bursting, she felt blood begin to pour down her chin. "You will never fucking leave me, I'll kill you first". She curled up on the floor as the kicks and punches continued for what felt like a lifetime. "Clean yourself up and call in sick for work" she pushed herself into a sitting position "And if you so much as think about leaving, just remember, I will find you and we will die together, almost sounds romantic doesn't it" he kissed her head "I love you Stevie" he waited a few moments "Do you love me?" he asked.

"Of course" she responded through tears

"Then say it"

"I love you too Declan".


She had phoned in sick, like she had been told, she sat curled up on the sofa, too frightened to even contemplate leaving. This was it Stevie Moss was gone, she was just a toy for Declan to do with as he pleased. Hearing the doorbell, she padded through and pulled it open the smallest crack. "Smithy, you can't be here" she panicked

"I'm worried, five minutes Stevie, please? Declan is in interview"

"Okay, five minutes and then you leave" she responded opening the door

"Fuck Stevie" he spoke as her face came into view "Did he do that?"

"Please don't ask me questions Smithy"

"Okay" he hugged her close "But remember I'm here, I will always be here, any time Stevie, you ring me and I will drop everything". He held her close as she began to sob, she wasn't ready to talk to him, she was too frightened to leave but she was so relieved to be in his arms.

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