Nikita said something to Ari before she left interrogations. She wasn't sure what exactly; her mind just went blank. She had been so overwhelmed with guilt and self-hatred, that she checked out. She left the interrogations and aimlessly wandered the halls. Her feet knew she had to go to Ops, yet her thoughts rang with Ari's question. It was so loud that she couldn't process anything else. Of course she didn't forgive herself. Look at everything around her. How could anyone forgive themselves for that. She had made a mistake in Moscow- a mistake she'd be paying for for the rest of her life. Just like every other terrible decision she had ever made.
Ever since she was eighteen years old, Nikita had been brutally paying for every single decision she had ever made. Even when she thought she was making the right choice, the best choice, the choice that could help save so many people, she was wrong. She was always wrong and hurting people; she was always forcing her family to suffer along with her. None of her choices had ever been for the best. They've also never been so simple they couldn't hurt anyone, including herself. All she brought was pain and heartbreak to everyone she was around- everyone she loved. Maybe it'd be better if she just stopped.
Not looking where she was going, or even being aware of where she was, Nikita slammed into Michael. He instinctively caught her and helped her stay steady. His touch also inadvertently helped her come to her senses. Nikita glanced at her fiancé, so relieved and grateful to be with him and in his arms. Michael had intended to drop his hands once he knew she was steady, yet after seeing that look, he instantly pulled her closer. He ran a comforting hand up her spine and softened his gaze. Something must've happened in the room with Ari. He wasn't sure what, yet he didn't really care. His only concern was her, "Are you alright?"
"I don't understand why we're helping this snake," Before Nikita could say anything, Owen stormed into the hall. Nikita pulled out of her fiancé's warm, comforting arms once she saw Owen. she also pretended as though she wasn't going to say anything. She had a feeling she knew what Michael would say to soothe her anyway. He'd say all the things he loved about her, he'd call Ari a bastard and Amanda a bitch, and he'd tell her that Amanda's actions weren't her fault. He'd probably be right. Yet she'd still want to argue. It was difficult to accept such nice things when she already knew the worst.
"Besides the fact that he gave us intel on Amanda and her operation. After Amanda and Ari decrypted the black box, it was re-encrypted with two locks. His and hers. Without Ari, Amanda can't open the box," Already annoyed with Owen, Michael informed him bitterly. That conversation did not need to be happening then. The former Cleaner should know why Division was helping Ari protect his son. Not only was protecting a child the right thing to do, it was the least they could do after Ari had given them so much. With his intel, they could finally capture Amanda. They could finally close Division. They could finally end things.
"So she grabs the kid to make him talk. But since we have him, she's gonna have to deal with us," Owen couldn't wrap his head around why Division was keeping Ari safe. The kid, sure. Stefan Tasarov had nothing to do with what was going on. Yet Division could dangle Ari in front of Amanda, and she'd change course. A strike team or two could set up a trap for her then finally take her down. Playing hide and seek was taking too long. They should simply go on the offensive and get it all over with.
"We are not using a fifteen-year-old as a bargaining chip. End of discussion," Michael quickly and sternly shut down whatever Owen was thinking. Amanda was too smart to believe that Division would hand her Ari without a catch. They couldn't trap her, not in a way that'd be truly successful anyway. However, Division could protect Ari's son, Stefan, from harm easily and effectively. They could stop Amanda from enacting her revenge on him, and- if it came down to it- hide him in a more secure location. He was only fifteen years old. Their war wasn't going to touch him.
Owen stopped himself from saying anything further. He knew he couldn't argue with Michael; his energy was better spent on other matters. Like maybe figuring out what Nikita was thinking. She had remained distant throughout the conversation, and Michael immediately turned his attention back to her once he silenced Owen. The former Cleaner easily assumed that there was something going on with her. He wanted to know what it was and try to comfort her (it was one thing he and Michael had in common). However, before either of the men could ask, Alex interrupted them, "We got something on Stefan."
The agents quickly hurried to Ops, Nikita leading the way. She had always been a firm believer that the things involving Division were more important than her; then wouldn't be when she changed her mind. Birkhoff already had the information pulled up when they arrived. He didn't wait to get right into it. They had already fallen behind Amanda, "This was three hours ago. A shooting at a private school in Switzerland. No students hurt. But these dudes weren't so lucky. They're both on Amanda's henchmen payroll. Ex-Gogol."
"You know, my father enrolled me under an alias at a private school to protect me from his competitors. Check for any anomalies in the school roster," Alex suggested. The only reason Amanda and ex-Gogol agents would attack a high school would be because of Stefan (at least she hoped that was the case). Division hadn't been able to pinpoint the teenager to that school, but maybe there was a reason for that. Stefan had to have been going under a different name. It was the best way to hide him from anyone determined to kill him. They had to do serious digging to know who he was.
"Witnesses say one kid was taken by one of the shooters. We might know him as Stefan Tasarov," Reading from the police report, Michael shared. Alex had been right about Stefan's name. He was enrolled at the school with a completely different name. They were only able to figure out who he was based on the evidence and on a surveillance camera of the fight. How Amanda had found him when Division couldn't was a mystery. Yet it was a mystery they couldn't solve. Division had to focus on their next steps. Protecting Stefan from Amanda had just become even more important.
While Birkhoff and Sonya worked to track down Stefan, Michael arranged transportation to Switzerland, and Alex packed mission gear, Nikita returned to interrogations. She didn't think she could face Ari again. But they needed answers, and he had to know what had happened. Focusing on the facts kept Nikita steady. And it also seemed to keep Ari from panicking. Neither had to think about the danger in the world. They simply shared intel, "The man I hired is Amon Krieg, ex-German counter-intelligence, retired, the best that money can afford."
"So, you pay this guy to raise your son, but you have no way of getting in touch with him?" Confused, Nikita asked. She didn't think she could ever trust a person that much. How could a person pay another to raise their kid and then never talk to them- never connect with them, look out for them. Yes, Michael had no contact with his son so he could stay safe and live a happy life. Yet Max was different. He had his mother with him. Stefan had no one. He was left all alone with a stranger. When was the last time he had even talked to his father.
"Yes. In case I was tortured by my enemies in a secret underground bunker," Ari justified his reasons. He couldn't know anything about his son for his own well being. Although it was difficult, it kept him safe. And Ari would have that over anything, "Since I got into this business, I was a risk to my son. It was safer I didn't know where he was. It was also safer if Krieg knew about all my enemies, like Division. He won't know you're working with me. He is going to kill anyone that comes his way."
Nodding, Nikita took what Ari said seriously. It was already going to be difficult grabbing Stefan after Amanda's attack on the school. But since Krieg was already wary of Division, it was going to be a huge challenge. Alex and Nikita had their work cut out for them. A team probably should've gone with them, but they didn't want to spook Krieg or tip off Amanda. So after quick arrangements were made, it was only Nikita and Alex in Switzerland, setting up shop in whatever hole Michael had found for them, "Alright, Shadowbot is Shadowbotting. Until we find Krieg, locating Amanda or her goons is our best bet."
"I like this. Just the two of us in an old, abandoned staging area. Feels like old times, right?" Alex replied to Nikita with a fond smile. Honestly, there were times when she missed their time in the loft together. Despite detoxing and training and being a mole and all the other shit going on, it just seemed so simple. Everything was clear. The bad guys were cut and dry and the mission was straightforward. Even dealing with boys was less complicated; though, they definitely were still a challenge, "No boys needing rescuing. Well, maybe one."
"There's always one," Although Nikita grinned softly, her smile didn't last long. A part of her did agree that their time in the loft was simpler. She wanted to return to that. She wanted to be back in the times when her brother wasn't involved in Division, when everyone she loved wasn't constantly in danger (though, Alex constantly in danger had certainly been a problem) when she was the big bad rogue making her enemies pay. In the present, it just felt like she was trapped. Yes, she loved being with Michael, having her brother in her life, and knowing that Alex could be herself again. But everything was just so hard. And all the problems were her fault.
Alex cast a concerned glance at Nikita. She hadn't shared much since her earlier conversation with Ari. Besides information and necessary comments, Nikita didn't say a word. On the plane to Switzerland, Alex believed that it was because the former rogue was thinking about the mission. She was determined to find Stefan, or Amanda, or both. Yet after her failed attempt at smiling, Alex knew better. There was something on her best friend's mind that was weighing her down. Whatever it was, it had to be discussed. She couldn't hold on to it while they were in the field. It might be too dangerous too, "Hey. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just something Ari said," Nikita shrugged. She didn't think she could discuss her guilt and self-hatred with Alex. Whereas her fiancé was willing to carry that emotional weight, she didn't want to put that on her best friend. They should simply move on from the subject. Yet Alex kept asking questions, and Nikita couldn't help but cave. She had to say something about what she was thinking. She had to share her motivations and her desires. It was the only way she could think straight. And with their upcoming mission, that was what she had to do, "He said that when I let Amanda live, it changed her. The thing is, I wanted that. I was praying for it."
"You did what you thought was right," Alex offered. She had always been able to understand Nikita's decision to spare Amanda in Moscow. Though, she didn't believe that she would've done the same if she had been in that position; she wouldn't have been able to just walk away after all Amanda had done. Then again, Alex didn't know Amanda like Nikita did. She had experienced the softer, gentler, mother-like Amanda while she had been a recruit; however, she had known the truth the whole time. Nikita only discovered the truth after the fact. She still had good memories of the bitch- memories that were difficult to erase.
Fidgeting with the tech she was setting up, Nikita struggled to put her thoughts into words. She definitely knew then that what she had done wasn't the right thing; he should've left Amanda's dead body in Moscow and closed that chapter on her life. But even in the moment, she wasn't thinking about what the right thing to do was. No moral codes or heroic deeds were coursing through her mind. Instead, she had been hoping that a secret wish would come true- something that was probably so selfish that it doomed the whole world, "You know that thing Amanda says about the real us being hidden?"
"There are two Alexes," Scoffing, Alex loaded her weapon. Nikita had warned her of Amanda's famous 'masks' speech before she had been recruited. The former rogue had told her mole to be wary of what Amanda said, but to also pretend that the idea of masks was appealing to her. Alex struggled with the latter. She always wanted to scoff at Amanda's words. Sure, there were times when a person had to lock a part of themselves away- she had hid that she was an Udinov, after all. Yet Amanda's theory was just so ridiculous. And annoying.
"Right. I was hoping she was including herself in that group. That maybe there was a real Amanda deep down that would come out if I showed her mercy," Finally admitting her wish aloud wasn't as freeing as Nikita wanted to believe. She just sounded silly. She sounded like a recruit that had never learned her lesson and still believed in the good in people. Maybe a small part of her was still that person. Maybe that hopeless optimism had never been beaten out of her. It probably should've been. Then everyone could've been better off.
"Maybe it did. Maybe the real Amanda's worse," Softly, Alex responded. She really understood Nikita's actions then. Sparing Amanda wasn't just the right thing to do, it was also an attempt to save her. Maybe Amanda could've been the woman she pretended to be during her recruit sessions if someone was kind to her, if she got to see what real mercy was like. No one could've predicted that the act would cause the opposite effect. No sane person would've reacted like that, after all. Nikita always wanted to help people. She wanted to make the world a better place. She couldn't have known that her plan would've backfired- that Amanda was that bad.
Nikita had a different opinion than Alex, though. She had known Amanda the most. She had known what the woman was capable of. The former rogue had faced the Inquisitor and had seen what she'd do to her loved ones (Birkhoff's hand still hurt at times). She knew how evil Amanda could get. The fact that the bitch didn't take the shot when she had her pinned in the junkyard was a mistake. It would never happen again. Nikita couldn't force it to happen again. Sparing her from death didn't make her kinder; it didn't reveal the version of her from the recruit sessions. It only brought out the Inquisitor. And they were all going to be tortured.
