Olivia sat calm and collected. She reminded herself that she has testified hundreds of times. This was no different.
As much as she wanted to believe that thought, she knew it wasn't true. This man had to be convicted. He couldn't get off again. He couldn't get away with the terror he forced her to endure. He couldn't walk away after the lives he took. It took all of her strength to pull herself from her thoughts and focus on the task before her.
She answered the questions as they had practiced in the previous weeks. Olivia tried to keep her focus on Barba, but Lewis objected any chance he got. Each time she heard his voice she was taken back to a place she never wanted to be.
"Benson," she was startled back to the present. "Do you need a break?" Barba held her gaze. She knew he was attempting provide support to keep her from spiraling.
"No. no. Continue." Liv said as she again yanked her mind to the present.
Liv kept a straight face while describing the four day nightmare that still kept her awake at night. She tried to stay focused, but it proved difficult as every minute of those four days paraded through her mind.
She wished her squad could be here. Their faces would provide warm reassurance that she needed right now. She wished he was here. She tried to shake away the thought, but how could she not wish for him to be here. At one time he was her family, her everything, but she put the thought out of her mind. As much as she wished he was here she knew it could never be true, and that hurt nearly as much as the torture she endured.
Barba continued his line of inquiry and she answered with their prepared responses. She felt calm as long as she kept her eyes away from the devil sitting at the defense table.
She inadvertently scanned the courtroom in an attempt to look anywhere but at him. Her breath caught when she found a pair of ice blue eyes watching from the back corner.
She could hear Barba talking but in that moment there was just her and HIM. She shook herself and closed her eyes. She must be stressed. Obviously she was stressed. Her mind must be trying to create a situation where she felt safe. There was no way he was really there.
She brought her attention back to Barba as she detailed the moment she hit Lewis with a metal bar. She maintained her focus on Barba's face as she tried to ignore the flashbacks. Barba thanked her and took his seat. She took a slow breath because she knew it was Lewis' turn for cross.
Olivia felt physically ill as William Lewis stood before the court. She felt his predatory eyes look her over. She held his gaze, unwilling to let him victimize her further.
To her surprise Lewis declined to question her until a later time. Instead two defense witnesses were called. She kept her eyes to the ground as she took her seat because she honestly felt like she was hallucinating. Again, she saw those eyes, that face, staring at her with concern from the back wall of the courtroom. She figured she was just losing it at this point. She almost felt relieved when Lewis asked for a recess. While she didn't want him to have the satisfaction of a break, she needed out of this courtroom.
The judge approved the recess and everyone filed out of the courtroom. Olivia met her squad in the hall. "Good work." Cragen said patting her arm.
"I just wish it was all over with. I hate extending this out another day." She did want it over with, but she couldn't deny her need for some rest.
"Its another delay tactic. It won't work." Barba interjected. "I don't like that he has more time to plan, but we have the facts on our side."
Olivia nodded absently. This whole thing made her so tired. Brian reached for her arm. "Hey Liv let's go. I'll make us dinner at home tonight."
She turned towards him to voice her agreement, but instead her eyes focused on the man standing behind Brian. He stood away from the crowds of people. He leaned against the the wall with his hands deep in his pockets. It had been two years and he looked exactly the same. Her hand rose to her stomach to quell the butterflies she suddenly felt there. She couldn't breathe. The conversation around her faded to the background. She couldn't be imagining this. This was too real.
She strode towards him without saying a word to the others. Those steel blue eyes never looked away from hers. He watched her tenuously. She stopped only a few feet from him.
"Elliot." She breathed. He took two steps forward and wrapped her in his embrace. She knew she should be angry. She knew she should yell at him and storm away. She knew she should leave him without a word just as he had left her, but the warmth of his embrace gifted her more peace and courage than she had felt in a long time. With his arms around her, she felt like she was coming home.
She didn't realize she was crying until he pulled back and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She didn't know what to say so she just leaned back into the safety of his arms.
