Enjoy

January 2018

Waking the following morning, Stevie glanced at the man she had shared a bed with. He had his eyes closed tightly and looked so peaceful, his mouth made a slight whooshing sound as he took each breath. She sat upright in the bed and looked round. She was safe, or as safe as she could be given her situation. She had spent her first night away from Declan and that filled her with joy. A smile outlined her features, she was free, Smithy had set her free. Hearing his sharp intake of breath, she turned to face him. He was awake but he looked like a rabbit caught in headlights "Morning" she spoke softly.

"Morning" he replied "I'm so sorry Stevie, you fell asleep and you were leaning on me and I didn't want to wake you and I must of fallen asleep" his voice was in overdrive and he had got from the bed very quickly. "I'm sorry"

"Smithy, Smithy" she said, trying to fit her words against his "You don't need to be sorry, I haven't slept that well for such a long time, I feel so safe with you".

"Oh thank god" he replied "I would hate to make you uncomfortable" he rested down next to her on the bed "How are you doing anyway?"

"I don't know, I'm happy to be free but I have lost so much of who I am and I am frightened of who I will become"

"Stevie", he took hold of her hand and kissed it gently, "I'm not going to lie to you, you might never get back to who you were, you have lived through an extremely traumatic experience but you have also survived it, be proud of the person you are becoming"

"Thanks Smithy"

"You will always be amazing to me and I am so proud of you and he can't ever take that away" she smiled, it was weak and she knew Smithy could see through it. "And besides, you're fit as fuck" she laughed loudly, he grinned at her before kissing her on the top of her head. "I'll make us some breakfast" he stood up and headed from the room.


The morning had been utter bliss, Smithy had waited on her hand and foot, even though she had insisted it wasn't necessary. She had worried that she was making a nuisance of herself and had offered numerous apologies, Smithy had reassured her each time but she still felt the need to apologise. They had been sat on the sofa watching a terrible film about love, she wasn't even sure love still existed. The film ended, typical happy ending, they definitely didn't exist. "Is it okay if I go and have a bath Smithy?" she asked

"Of course it is, you don't have to ask Stevie"

"I do"

"Stevie, you live here, don't be daft, of course you don't"

"I do Smithy, I really do" she could feel her eyes close to betraying her

"You can have a bath Stevie" he smiled reassuringly, taking her hand in his and kissing it gently. She stood up and began to walk from the room "Stevie, when you are ready, you can talk to me, about what he did to you"

"I don't know if I will ever be ready"

"That's fine too but if you ever are, I will always be here for you".


Her bath had been luxurious, although she had been to Smithy's for baths over the last few weeks, they were always rushed and she was petrified she could get caught out. Any bath she had at home with Declan was timed and were potentially just as frightening, with him holding her under the water on several occasions . Despite it only being just after 7, Stevie had put her mismatched pyjamas on, Smithy may be an incredible man but his packing skills could definitely do with some improvement. "The gossip," she heard the tail end of Jo's voice "How is she?"

"I don't know" Smithy replied "She doesn't want to talk to me, maybe you should try"

Stevie cleared her throat before walking into the room "Jo, how are you?" she asked

"I'm fine but more importantly how are you?" she replied. Smithy excused himself to get some drinks and Stevie sat in the space he vacated on the sofa with Jo

"I'm doing okay, it's strange but I'm just taking each minute as it comes at the moment"

"It's only been a day, it will get easier"

"Will it? I have told so many victims the same, it gets easier, it gets better, you'll be okay but what if that is all lies" tears began to escape her and Jo looked uncomfortable "What if all I'll ever be is a victim now"

"You won't" Smithy's voice interrupted as he entered the room, he passed them both a bottle of beer and he smiled at Stevie. "Stevie, you aren't a victim, you are a survivor and one day you will see that and when you do, you will see what we have been seeing all along, that you are still an incredible, beautiful, amazing woman" he gently kissed her forehead "I'll give you two some space" he spoke as he left the room and pulled the door closed.

"Wow" Jo spoke "He certainly nailed that speech and clearly he adores you"

"He is a pretty special bloke"

"Maybe there is truth in the uniform rumour mill"

"What?"

"That good old Inspector Smith carries a pretty huge torch for you"

"We are friends Jo, we have only ever been friends"

"I know, don't mean he isn't crazy about you though".


Jo had left about an hour later and Stevie had felt a little emotional after their chat, she hadn't spoken much about Declan and nothing about the abuse. They had spoken about cases, Jo's life and caught up on what had happened in the last year. Smithy came into the living room soon after Jo had left with another beer for her. He rested down on the sofa, stroking Houdini on the head as he cuddled into Stevies lap. "Smithy, are people talking about me?" she asked, thinking back to the tail end of his conversation with Jo

"Erm, yeah they are Stevie, Jo has shut a lot of it down, apparently Dec is telling people you are having a breakdown"

"Okay" she spoke her voice barely audible

"He is trying to undermine you Stevie, he knows the truth and it will eat him up inside"

"Yes, I guess so" she took a sip of her beer "I want to talk to Manson, make it official"

"Stevie you know I will be behind you, I'll support you one hundred percent but Declan won't make this easy"

"I know but I have to do the right thing, I'm a copper, I have to report him Smithy, I have to be a survivor" he pulled her into a slight hug, Houdini blocking him from a full on cuddle

"I am so proud of you Stevie Moss, you aren't just a survivor, you are a fighter".


Laying in bed that night, she watched the minutes ticking by, she had cried, quietly. She had felt happy, she had escaped. She had felt frightened, she had a huge battle in front of her but the thing she felt the most was the gap where Smithy had slept last night. It wasn't that she was used to sleeping next to someone, Declan often made her sleep on the floor. It was that she missed the safety, the warmth, the love and stability of laying in his arms. She walked through the flat and stopped by his ajar bedroom door, she pushed it slightly "Smithy, are you awake?" she whispered

"Yeah, you okay?" he turned and sat up in the bed to see her in dim lit doorway

"I can't sleep, would it be okay if I slept in here with you?". He lifted the cover and she walked over and climbed in next to him, he placed a kiss to the top of her head as he pulled her into a hug. "Thank you Smithy" she spoke.

"Anytime Stevie, I would do anything for you" he held her close as she drifted to sleep.

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