Brian plunged his key into the deadbolt. Dinner was a disaster. He knew he shouldn't have gone. He would have been better off staying home nursing his pride with a can of beer. He shut the door behind him, being sure to lock the deadbolt, knowing Liv would still check it a couple times before they went to bed. A couple lights in the kitchen were on so Brian figured Liv beat him home.

He found her sound asleep on the couch, still wearing the clothes she wore to court today. He noted the tear stains on her cheeks and instantly filled with anger. "So much for his presence being a good thing," he said under his breath.

He placed a hand on her cheek. "Liv, babe, hey let's get you in bed."

She shook her head without opening her eyes. "I want to stay here. I'm too tired."

He hesitated, knowing she needed sleep, and maybe she would be better off crashing here. He retrieved a spare comforter from the linen closet and tossed it over her. He brushed her hair out of her face, and kissed her forehead. "G'night Liv."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

She mumbled something unintelligible, and he knew she was already asleep.

"Elliot!" Brian heard her scream from the bedroom. He sighed. Nothing new here. She'd had nightmares since coming home from the hospital. He couldn't count the amount of nights he awoke to her screaming for Elliot.

"Please no." She cried. He hurried to her side to shake her awake.

"Liv. Liv." Her eyes opened, wide with terror. "Hey, I'm here." Her arms flew around him, and he held her while her mind adjusted back to reality.

She stopped shaking and pulled back to look at his face. He swore she looked almost disappointed to see it was him, and he knew who she wished was here in his stead. "Hey, let's go to bed."

She still looked pale and terrified, but she nodded and took his hand. He led her back to their room. He tucked her beneath the quilt and slipped under next to her. She snuggled back into his chest and he wrapped her in his arms.

He fought the urge to feel angry. He had been here through it all. Though all the nightmares, sleepless nights, and therapy appointments. It didn't matter though. She still wanted him. No matter how much he tried he could never be what Elliot was to her. And that cut him to the core.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Olivia climbed the steps of the courthouse with Brian trailing behind her. She wanted this day over. Her stomach felt sour, and she already threw up twice this morning. She hated Lewis for having this hold on her. She hated that he took away her sense of self, her security. Most of all she hated how he turned her into a monster and a liar through his taunting and terrorizing.

She felt Brian's hand on her back, "You okay?"

No. Nothing was okay. There was no part of her that felt okay right now. "Yeah. I just want this over with."

Concern laced his eyes, but he said nothing as they entered through the courthouse doors.

#o——-……

Elliot made sure he made it to the courthouse early. He wanted to make sure he was in a place where she could see him. He wanted her to know he was here for her. After a couple minutes more people started to file in.

He felt a pat on his shoulder as Cragen sat next to him. "Hey."

"Hey." There really wasn't much to say. No one was looking forward to the hell of the day. They sat in silence for a long time before Elliot asked, "Is she going to be okay?" He felt his eyes watering as the ever present feeling of guilt flooded over him.

"You know Liv." Cragen matched his serious expression, "She's a survivor."

Elliot nodded in agreement, but he didn't feel like that really answered his question. He'd walked through many terrifying experiences with Liv by his side, but nothing compared to this. He felt like he was swimming in constant shame and regret. They fought for each other, they always had each others' backs, but in the hours she needed him most, he'd abandoned her. No matter how hard he tried he could never take it back.

The click of a side door grabbed his attention. Fury began building a fire within him as he saw the man responsible for putting Olivia through this never ending hell. He wanted nothing more than to beat the self-satisfied smirk of his face. He felt a little pride when he noticed the scarring on his face and the limp. There was something satisfying about imagining Liv beating the crap out of him.

More people filtered in until it was standing room only. The jury took their seats. Elliot prayed that they were all reasonable human beings and would see William Lewis for the monster he was.

The proceedings began and Liv took the stand. Elliot's hands started to sweat, and he realized how nervous he felt for her. He knew she was more than capable, they both testified hundreds of times, but this felt different, like much more was at stake.

It didn't take long for Lewis to border on the inappropriate. How could the judge allow him to terrorize her further by broadcasting her sex life? As his line of questioning continued Elliot felt his stomach lurch and bile rise up into his throat. He glanced over at the jury. They couldn't possibly be buying this bullshit. There was no way in hell she would have wanted any of this.

She reiterated her story clearly over and over. Elliot felt sick watching her try to be stoic, but tears still welling up in her eyes. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take, but if she was strong enough to confront him then he had to be strong enough to stay and support her.

Lewis' line of questioning continued, and Elliot saw it for what it was, just another way for him to terrorize her. The nausea returned as he continued to twist the events against her. His descriptions of her desire for him and her rape fantasy ignited a raging fury within him.

Elliot's fists clenched at his sides. It took every ounce of self control to keep himself from strangling the man.

"Easy Elliot," Cragen's voice stayed low and even.

Elliot unclenched and stretched his fingers while he tried to remind himself to breathe. An outburst had the potential to jeopardize the case and he refused to be a reason for a mistrial.

He felt as if he was in some form of purgatory while she suffered for his sins. She answered every question with exactness and certainty. Even when he bullied her, and screamed in her face, she responded with perfect stoic grace.

It always had been like this. His impulse to pound a peep into the ground was tempered by her calm matter of fact demeanor. He missed that dynamic. He missed her.

After what felt like a painful eternity, Lewis' questioning ceased and Liv was excused. She immediately fled the room, and without thinking Elliot immediately followed her.