Olivia stopped before climbing the courthouse stairs. She placed a hand on her stomach, trying to quell the nervous flips she felt there. Her time with Elliot provided a sweet reprieve from the stress of the trial, her boyfriend, her friends, and her life in general. Elliot didn't watch her every move, worrying if she would break. He let her be. With Elliot she could be Olivia, the old Olivia, the Olivia who was strong, fierce, and independent. The Olivia before the nightmare of William Lewis.
Elliot climbed the first few stairs before turning, "Comin?" He reached his hand out for her. No questions about her mental state, no pity in his perfect blue eyes.
She took a deep breath, ready to dive in. Her hand grasped his and the made it up the stairs together. Once they made it into the courthouse Elliot dropped her hand. She knew he wanted to respect her privacy and diminish the probable rumors surrounding them, but she wished he kept his old on her. Damn everyone else. His hand in hers was the only thing keeping her grounded.
Elliot followed behind her, his hands ghosting her biceps, keeping the reporters at bay. Vultures. She thought. This story reeked of sensationalism. Kidnapping, police brutality, sex, and NYPD corruption. All would entice readers, but this was her life. Not a damn news story.
Elliot's broad body combined with his halo hold on her kept most of the photographers out of her face. She hoped he wasn't in too many pictures. Kathleen knew he was here, but she didn't know about the other kids. She knew they would be less okay with all of this. And Kathy. She never asked Elliot, but she was fairly certain Kathy didn't know the truth about where he was or what he was doing. A small part of her felt guilty at the deception, but the larger part accepted the necessary evil for the opportunity of having him here. Her heart pounded as she realized the personal risk he took in being here, in being seen with her. No matter what way this all went at least she knew where he stood. When the chips were down he was hers. Even if he flew back to Kathy tomorrow she knew a large piece of him belonged to her. And that was everything.
They settled in next to Captain Cragen just minutes before court was called to order and the jury was brought in. Olivia knew she should track down Brian, Fin and the others, but she wasn't ready for the confused judging stares they would give. Instead she focused on the judge, keeping her eyes forward as the jury began to read their verdicts.
The floor woman stood, but before reading the verdicts went on a moral condemnation of Olivia's overzealous brutality of William Lewis. Like he was the victim in this. She wanted to vomit, but she knew all eyes would be on her as the coming verdicts were read.
Her fingers dug into Elliot's knee as the first verdict was read. Attempted murder, not guilty. Her breath caught and she dug deeper into Elliot, likely drawing blood at this point. He slid his hand under hers, threading his fingers in hers. He gave her hand a light squeeze, letting her know he was there and sh could break the bones in his hands if she needed. She kept her face stoic and expressionless as the next charge was read.
Attempted rape, not guilty. Tears welled in her eyes. She pushed them back, not allowing this to break her. From the corner of her eye she saw Elliot's jaw clench in fury. She squeezed his hand, hoping to diffuse the rising fire in his eyes.
Her breaths came in and out with shaky regularity as the next charge was read. Kidnapping of a police officer, guilty.
She closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her free hand, choking back a sob of relief. Elliot squeezed her hand gently and she looked at him, his face awash with relief and his eyes filling with tears of relief.
She sat a little taller as the last verdict was read. Assault of a police officer, guilty. She slumped into Elliot's shoulder, overwhelmed with relief. Convictions on those charges ensured Lewis a sentence of twenty-five to life.
The judge remanded him to Rikers until sentencing, ending this nightmarish trial. She turned to Cragen who hugged her tightly, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. His relief was evident.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Nick and Amanda grinning, both exuding the relief they all felt at the conviction of this monster.
She scanned the sea of faces leaving the courtroom trying to find Brian among them. Amanda must of seen her looking for him and bent down closer to her, speaking low, "He already left, but I think he's just waiting in the hall." Liv nodded. Through the last few days she threw Brian around like a rag doll. She owed him an apology and an explanation.
She stood up, ready to face the outside world. Elliot followed closely behind her, still exhibiting his body guard stance, itching to punch any reporter that dared come close.
Olivia's eyes searched up and down the hallway, hoping to see Brian, but she didn't see him anywhere. She sighed, knowing she made a huge mess with that relationship.
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Olivia stood outside her apartment door, keys in hand, garnering the courage to go inside. Elliot dropped her off before heading to Kathleen's to update her on everything and spend a little more time with her.
She tried to run every possible conversation in her head but what was she supposed to say?
Hey Brian I temporarily lost my mind with the stress of this trial, and Elliot showed up which was confusing as hell, but hey I still love you, but I still love Elliot too and my whole life is a disastrous mess, but how are you feeling?
Honest? Too honest? Ugh. She couldn't take it anymore. Time to get it over with, hoping whatever improvisation she came up with would make sense.
She slipped her key into the deadbolt and slowly pushed the door open, taking a deep breath before entering her own apartment.
Cassidy waited for her on the couch, a beer in hand. "Hey." He didn't seem super enthusiastic to see her, not that she blamed him.
She dropped down on the couch next to him, deciding it was better to just dive in. "I'm sorry."
He took a swig of his beer. "For what exactly?" Eyes targeting hers.
She sighed, not knowing where to even start. "Everything."
"Do you have any idea how much you scared me? You can't just disappear, not anymore, and when you did respond to someone it was Rollins?" His voice shook.
"What the hell Liv?" She winced, but let him continue,"And after all the stress and worry I find out you were with him? Not only that, you spent the night with him!"
"It wasn't like," she couldn't finish the thought before he cut her off.
"You can't tell me it wasn't like that! It's always like that with you two! It's like there isn't anyone else in the damn room when you're together. And I tried to let it go, I tried to write it off as stress, but damn it Liv! You spent the night with him and last I checked he's married!"
She closed her eyes, allowing the shame to wash over her. He wasn't wrong. He wasn't exactly right, but he wasn't wrong. For years, she and Elliot were well practiced at maintaining distance and physical boundaries, but when he showed up, and they hadn't seen each other in years, those carefully practiced boundaries fell.
"Did you think about me? Even once?" She opened her eyes to see his pleading with her.
"I'm sorry Brian. This whole thing has been so messed up, and I have felt emotionally out of control through this trial and I just needed to be away.
"Without me," he said, shaking his head.
"No," she grabbed his knee, trying to reassure him. "I really couldn't be with anyone."
"Except Elliot," he spat bitterly.
She winced at the implication, but she didn't have a good explanation to give. She wanted to lash out with anger in return, but she felt like she's wedeserved his venom.
"And at the courthouse today," he took another swig of his beer, and shook his head, "Did it even occur to you that I wanted to sit with you, be there for you?" She fought the urge to cry. "But no, you sat with him. During the most pivotal point of your life, you weren't reaching for me. You were clinging to him." He drank some more before standing up, "And I have no idea what to do with that."
He left her sitting on the couch alone, and at the end of this hellish day, she curled up on her couch and cried.
