"Hey. Look who's finally up. You think you got it out of your system now?" Sean beamed as Alex stumbled out of the bedroom. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and tried to adjust to the daylight streaming through her windows. After returning home from Division the night before, Alex and Sean talked for a while about South Ossetia, Amanda, and Larissa. But, eventually, Alex fell asleep again. She didn't wake until mid-morning, well after Sean had had breakfast and read the newspaper. He was watching an old movie on TV when she finally joined him, yet he turned it off once he saw her. He wanted to give her his full attention.
Nodding, Alex fought to stifle a yawn. The only thing to explain how exhausted she had been was the copious amount of sedatives that had been used to disorient her and keep her under. But they had to have been out of her system now. She had slept enough to flush out anything the bitch could've done to her. Except, of course, the trauma. Yet that was likely to stick with her for a while. She wouldn't be able to shake that easily. Though, she could try. She had Sean and the ability to joke, after all, "God. Who knew going through hell and back with a psychotic bitch would make you so tired."
"Hopefully, it's just the sedatives finally leaving your system. You must've been pumped with a lot," Sean reassured himself more than Alex. He had to keep reminding himself that she had cleared the scan in Medical. Alex was perfectly fine. He hadn't lost her. Though, he had been close. Just thinking about that had him on the verge of a panic attack. He had to focus on something else. Taking care of Alex was a great distractor. He moved to the kitchen to get her a glass of water and something to eat. She had hardly eaten or drank since they had rescued her. She must've been famished. He couldn't let that be for long.
Following Sean to the kitchen, Alex nodded again. She honestly didn't feel as though she had been consistently drugged. However, Larissa had claimed that she had been knocked out for at least a whole day due to the sedatives. Larissa. If it hadn't been for her, Alex would've been dead. She had kept her alive. And Alex had failed to return the favor. She should've been able to save Larissa. She had pulled off grander miracles. Yet Nikita had turned against Alex, and she had broken her promise, "Larissa had helped."
"You said she was a medic?" Sean urged Alex to drink the water he had placed in front of her. He knew it was difficult to eat and drink when filled with guilt, yet she couldn't be so upset she stopped taking care of herself. Food and water could make her feel at least slightly better, after all. She could think more clearly with something in her system, and she could have more energy. He would make her some of her favorite foods while she sipped the water. Yet it was up to her to actively process and heal from what had happened.
"The Ossetians had held her prisoner. I promised to rescue her. I should've rescued her," Alex bitterly clutched the glass as she took a giant swig of water. Because Nikita hadn't listened to her, because of how Nikita had divided the team, because Nikita refused to follow her for once, Alex couldn't save Larissa. She and Sean hadn't been enough to face the soldiers, and Larissa had paid the price. It shouldn't have ended like that. Larissa was supposed to have been saved. But just like everyone else, she had died.
"You did your best, Alex. You tried. But without planning or equipment, there was only so much you could do. It's not your fault," Beginning to make Alex something to eat, Sean silently motioned for her to sit. She did, but with a humph and another harsh swig of water. He understood why she would feel guilty for Larissa's death. However, she didn't have to carry it on her shoulders. She had done all she could to save her friend. They had lacked proper planning, knowledge of what they were getting into, equipment, and resources, yet she had still tried. That in itself was a remarkable thing.
Rolling her eyes, Alex huffed. She had done her best to save Larissa. No one could argue she hadn't. That was why Alex knew not to blame herself or Sean. Yet there was someone who hadn't tried, who hadn't cared, who had put someone less worthy first. That person was to blame for the lack of manpower and popper planning. That person was to blame for Alex not being able to save Larissa, "You're right. It's not. If Nikita had followed us instead of stupid Ari and Amanda, I would've been able to save Larissa."
"You don't know that, Alex. We were in a warzone. It's completely unpredictable. Maybe Larissa would've been saved. Or maybe more people would've gotten hurt. Either way, what happened isn't your fault. You did what you could. Don't carry that guilt," Dating his sister's best friend, Sean had believed the toughest thing he'd have to do would be surviving their joint teases and taunts. He never thought he'd have to pick a side between them. That was something he couldn't do. So, he played devil's advocate, "Besides, Nikita had to get the black box. Amanda shouldn't have access to that damn thing."
"Then kill Ari. We had the chance," Alex echoed what Sean had said in the field. Ari Tasarov had had a killchip attached to his brain. If the team had just pulled the trigger, then Amanda wouldn't have had her key to unlock the black box. The threat would've been neutralized, and there would've been a full force of agents available to save Larissa. The killchip had been right there to use, and it would've given them the best outcome. Yet Nikita was too stubborn to take it. Why couldn't she just listen for once. There were more ways to do things- better ways to do things- than hers.
Sean glanced cautiously at Alex. He never thought he'd hear her advocate for using a killchip. Her feelings for them were the same as Nikita's. Actually, since there was a deactivated one permanently in her brain, she hated them more. She must've been too racked in her guilt to think straight. If that was the case, then Sean would help her out; he'd help her see something Nikita had pointed out in Division, "Right. But even then, Amanda could've had someone else decrypt the black box. She had found someone to decrypt Birkhoff's encryption. She could find another egghead. Recovering the device was the only option."
"Why do we even still care about the fucking black boxes?" Alex stared accusingly at Sean's back as he made her food. She should've known better for him to choose between her and his sister. Sean always remained loyal to his family, no matter what they did. Alex didn't understand it. When would someone take their rose colored glasses off when they looked at Nikita. Michael, Sean, Owen, Ryan, Birkhoff, they all would follow her off a cliff. They all thought she was perfect. But Alex knew the truth. She had for a long time; she had just forgotten. Nikita was a killer. She had killed Alex's father and then Larissa. Who was next.
"Because Amanda can kill with those secrets. Remember, my mother and sister are on that box. Amanda can use that information to hurt Jill and Sandy. She already had to hurt me. My other sisters need to stay out of this. And so do thousands of other innocents that Amanda will target with the government's secrets," Sean was confused about why he had to remind Alex about the dangers of the black box. Not too long ago, Amanda had baited the team with secrets about Madeline Pierce, and that had gotten Sean recruited. The bitch could cause irreparable damage with the black box. The team couldn't let her have it. It needed to be destroyed.
Although Alex understood the prospect of protecting innocents, she didn't understand why they had to protect Nikita. She had gotten herself on that box. Her decisions had led her down that path, and they had endangered her family. Sean shouldn't try to protect her, especially since all that did was hurt him. He should just let Nikita go. Madeline had, and it had actually brought peace to the family for a bit, "If Nikita had just listened instead of thinking she knows best, none of this would be happening."
"What?" Sean turned to Alex, unsure of what she had just said. A part of him thought he hadn't heard her correctly. She had grumbled the sentence mostly to herself as she had angrily finished off her glass of water. However, there was a part of him that did think he heard her correctly; he simply didn't want to believe it. He wasn't sure if Alex was still talking about Larissa and South Ossetia, or if she was talking about the war. Blaming Nikita for what had occurred on the mission was one thing, but to place the entire war on her shoulders was another level of shitty. Sean couldn't believe Alex would say something like that. Hopefully, she hadn't.
The tone in Sean's voice snapped Alex out of her anger. She hadn't realized how deeply she had been spiraling in her bitterness until he had questioned her. Once he did, she was able to clear her head of those dark thoughts and sigh deeply. She didn't want to dwell on serious topics anymore. She was home; she was with her boyfriend; she just wanted to be happy. Ignoring the outside world and just being with Sean would bring Alex to the joy she wanted. She was sure of it, "I don't want to talk about Amanda, or black boxes, or even Division anymore. Can't we just escape for a little while?"
"Sure. Whatever you need," Placing a plate of food in front of Alex, Sean smiled softly. Forgetting their troubles for a little while seemed like the perfect medicine after the hell they had gone through. The couple could create a bubble of peace and happiness around themselves and live in total bliss. Unfortunately, Sean couldn't forget everything. He couldn't forget what he thought Alex had implied about Nikita. He couldn't forget how she had advocated for a killchip. He couldn't forget how single-mindedly determined she was. And he couldn't forget about the chair he had seen at the abandoned hospital, the one with the terrifying and deadly needle.
"Since when did you become a southpaw?" Michael asked Nikita as he watched her walk out of Ryan's office shaking her left hand. Before they had gone home, she had wanted to talk to Ryan about Ari and the killchip. Michael knew that would involve some yelling and that a punch or two would be thrown. A part of him believed that Ryan deserved it, so he let Nikita unload her anger on him. However, she shouldn't stay angry for long. What had happened, happened. They couldn't change it. And since the idea had good intentions, it wasn't anything to completely hate. Once it was yelled about, they should move on. There were other things to focus on, after all.
"Since Ryan called my right hook," Nikita grumbled, continuing to shake out her sore fist. Ryan had known that she was going to punch him after she had stormed into his office, so he had tensed for the hit. She then switched the fist she led with so he would feel her full wrath. Her knuckles continued to be sore (mostly because she had had her engagement ring on) but she considered it worth it. Using the killchip, no matter the motive, was a shitty thing to do. Ryan had to know that; he had to know that he had fucked up. The words she had shouted hadn't been enough to convey that. She had to use a fist.
"I don't know how I feel about you using my engagement ring as a weapon," Tenderly, Michael took Nikita's hand in his and kissed her sore knuckles. He also massaged her fingers and twisted her engagement ring. That was the second time she had punched somebody while wearing her ring. She seriously had to remember to take it off first. Unless she really did intend to use it as a weapon. The thought caused Nikita to chuckle softly, which made Michael smile. He hadn't seen her that relaxed or even willing to smile in a long time. It was so great to see, "Hey. A laugh. Haven't seen that in a while."
Nikita chuckled again; though, it sounded more like a scoff than a real laugh. She couldn't argue with Michael. She knew how she had been recently. She wished she could've acted differently. But with everything that had been going on, it was difficult to not be so angry. She couldn't calm down or listen. Maybe she should step back and get away. Although Nikita hardly considered that thought as it crossed her mind, Michael ran with it when it crossed his. He squeezed his fiancée's hands tightly and offered gently, "Let's take a break. I don't think you've stopped since you were trapped in that fire."
"It wasn't that bad. I'm fine. We should be more concerned about Alex," Nikita didn't let go of her fiancé's hands, but she did dismiss his concern. Her experience in the fire a few days prior was absolutely nothing compared to what Alex had just gone through. Nikita was fine; she had found time to rest and heal while traveling on planes. Alex was the one who was still struggling. Her time as Amanda's prisoner had left her distraught. The team should do all they could to help her process and heal. Nikita should also talk to her about what had happened. Things shouldn't be left unsaid between them. They couldn't make it worse than it already was.
"She's taking some time off with Sean. She'll be fine," Michael assured softly. Alex was given some time off from anything Division related so she could rest and heal, and Sean took time off so he could be with her. With Sean by her side, holding her and comforting her, Alex would be alright soon. Nikita didn't have to worry about her. She should, instead, worry about herself. She had been running and gunning for days, not even stopping after she had lost consciousness due to smoke inhalation. Nikita needed some time to rest and breathe as well. She didn't have to do it all, "You can save yourself too, Wonder Woman."
A small smile broke across Nikita's lips before she collapsed her head against her fiancé's sturdy chest. He instantly wrapped his arms around her and held her close. In a moment, he would take her home and keep her there for a day or two. He'd help her take care of herself, and they'd both get some rest and take some time to reset before they were needed for another mission. In the meantime, he squeezed her tight and placed a tender kiss on her crown. She melted in his strong, warm arms- the weight of the world finally slipping off her shoulders.
