Warning:

Mentions of anxiety attack.


I was waiting for Tomioka at our usual timing when I heard the rain start falling again — an occurrence that shouldn't be surprising me much, since it has been raining on and off for the last two days, but still did due to my very evident lack of sight.

That and I didn't have any extraordinary hearing or smelling sense like the main cast.

'Oh well,' I mused wryly as I combed through Nezuko's hair while she slept on my lap, 'At least I got some original powers for my character. Or is it still quite typical for fanfictions?'

My attention diverted back to the sleeping demon girl on my lap as the said demon shifted and nuzzled into my hand that was combing her long hair absent-mindedly.

Lord, she was adorable.

Ironically enough, while Tanjiro actively avoided me, or maybe avoided everyone if what Zenitsu said was true, Nezuko was the one who seemed to try to make up for it as she actively sought me out to... well, sleep on me usually?

It was strange, really. But, then again, I didn't mind that at all even if all she did upon finding me was sit on my lap and roll around or sleep at her absolute best.

"Such an adorable yet unfortunate child," I muttered as I gently caressed her head with my other hand, "You deserve so much more than your fate has offered you... Trust me, I'll try my best to make things turn out better for everyone."

I promised her quietly as I heard the thunder crackle loudly outside, making the whole atmosphere rather serene and still.

This was the kind of weather I liked and craved in my past life the most — cloudy with heavy rain and cool breeze. Not only it was a great weather to stay home but also an amazing opportunity to either catch up on my books or maybe write some edgy poetry.

But in this life? Well, I still remember being very irritated by rain the first few of my travelling years as the clouds showered down any kind of plan I made, delaying my trip by a good few hours while I waited for the pouring to stop.

Oh, and don't get me started on the mud and bloody insects that came out after a good shower of rain. Lord, was that a nightmare to navigate through — especially when I had to travel through villages.

I shook my head to get those icky thoughts out; while I didn't mind mud or the insects particularly, a good few hours in them still made me quite irritated and exhausted.

Damn, what days were those.

I shook my head again, this time in amusement as I kept patting the girl in my lap and enjoyed the quiet noise of the heavy rain showering down outside.

'Maybe senpai won't be able to come today,' I wondered absent-mindedly.

It has been a whole day since Tomioka dropped me off at the Butterfly Estate and told me to 'take the day to myself and rest' despite us doing no proper training the previous day.

However, I still appreciated it a lot since I needed some time to sort out my thoughts; I knew why I was feeling this way as I was but I didn't know how to deal with it. And finally somewhat opening up to someone about how I was feeling made me feel way lighter and considerably better than before — something that I was extremely thankful to Tomioka for.

My lips tugged into an involuntary smile as I thought of the Water Hashira — that guy was sure something. Awkward? Yes. Stubborn? Absolutely. But infinitely kind and understanding too — something that I was still not used to.

His kindness... it made me feel like I was using him; like I was taking undue advantage of his kindness and that pure angel was just letting me because he didn't know any better.

And I hated this feeling. I honestly did.

I really need to do something to thank him — maybe cook him something? Didn't he like simmered salmon a lot?

I leaned back on my pillows as I recalled our conversation from the other day — I was talking about how I used to cook a lot for myself while I travelled and felt low-key spoiled now that someone else cooked for me.

That was when we started talking about food in general and Tomioka sheepishly, I think, mentioned that he absolutely loved eating fish but was quite partial to simmered salmon in particular; which honestly wasn't a surprise since the dish was as simple and yet delicious as he was.

Wait, that sounded wrong.

I made a face on my own thought process, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it whole before feeling two hands grip my own.

"Oh, are you awake, dearie?" I asked softly as I felt the girl slowly get up from my lap, "I hope you rested well?"

"Mmhm!" I heard her hum... affirmatively? Well, I never knew with her, so I tried to decipher it to the best of my abilities.

"There, there," I patted her affectionately, "I'm glad then." I caressed her face gently before tugging her bangs behind her ear and smoothing out the top of her hair that she messed up while sleeping.

It was absolutely adorable how she sat patiently while I brushed her hair back to normal with my hands; she was such an obedient person in general that it surprised me at times how she went out of her way to do some things — like throwing her wooden box at Obanai in the Hashira meeting.

I still can't believe that actually happened.

'It was amusing though, if I had to be honest,' I thought to myself as my lips tugged at one end, turning up into a smirk. The look on Obanai and Sanemi's faces still made me amused to no end.

"You are just like your brother in that regard, you know?" I mused out loud once I was done with her hair, "Kind and yet fierce when it comes to the safety of those you love. Such precious beans."

"Mm?"

"Mmhm," I hummed back and amusingly enough, heard her hum again in reply while I chuckled at our little 'conversation.'

'I wonder which family member she sees me as?' I mused as I remembered Nezuko being brainwashed by Urokodaki to see all the humans as her family members.

Maybe it's most likely her mother since I am older than her other siblings.

I smiled as I felt Nezuko crawl into my lap again — this time in her younger form, making me hug her tightly and shower her with kisses. What made my heart melt was that she leaned in willingly to my touches; Lord, how adorable was that?

"It's a shame you see me as someone else," I whispered to myself as I felt her turn to look up to me, "Though, it's not your fault either. I... I just wish you could know who I was as a person rather than seeing me as someone you once knew."

Heh, what a selfish wish that was.

My attention diverted when I felt three very familiar auras approaching my room, making me feel low-key excited as I turned expectantly towards the door.

'Tanjiro is with them too,' I couldn't help but think; the very thought of him made my worries come to the surface again before I shook myself mentally, 'It'll be alright. I'll just talk to him directly — yeah, that's what I need to do. Maybe he isn't avoiding me like I am thinking. Maybe... maybe he is just busy?'

That thought somehow didn't sit well with me either as I felt I was missing something — what, I unfortunately couldn't figure out.

However, my excitement soon dipped down as I felt the said auras move onto the other room across the hallway; Rengoku's, if I was correct.

'So you would rather visit them than me, huh?' The thought fleetingly passed through my mind, making me feel even worse as rubbed my face, 'Shut up. Don't think like that — it's unfair to expect them to always visit me and not him. God, how selfish can I be?'

I sighed deeply as I felt the strange ache in my chest return — I hated feeling like this but what I hated even more was that even though I knew why people did what they did, I still couldn't stop feeling this way.

It was ridiculous and immature and I knew it but still, I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I was ignored and abandoned.

My attention snapped down to the demon girl sitting in my lap as she suddenly hugged me, making me chuckle at her little gesture of comfort.

"You are such an angel, you know?" I kissed her forehead as she did her signature hum back in reply, "I wonder why you changed back to your younger form, little one. Wanted to save your battery?"

Nezuko hummed again as I chuckled at her mannerisms, "Ah, understandable."

As the silence fell over again, my mind wandered back to the thoughts I was desperately trying to ignore; the thoughts of what I was doing with my life, if I even should be here and the last one that I dreaded the most — would people notice my absence if I left.

The last one troubled me the most as I honestly knew people would but my mind kept trying to find facts to prove me otherwise — like with how my thoughts kept whispering to me that Tanjiro was ignoring me for whatever reason. While I knew that was not most likely the case, I couldn't convince myself otherwise either.

It also made me sometimes wonder if what I did was right — saving Rengoku like that and destroying the character development of the Trouble Trio.

Should I have left it alone? Or should I have done something more?
These questions literally kept me up at night, worrying me as my mind clouded with uncertainty.

Without a moment's notice, the door to my room slammed open, scaring the living daylights out of me as I squeezed Nezuko tightly in my arms in an attempt to protect her unconsciously.

"Haaaaaah!" Inosuke's voice greeted me as I finally registered the two auras that had entered the room, "Come with us, quickly!"

"What—"

"Oi, talk to them with some manners, you animal!" Zenitsu's voice followed as I turned to them in bewilderment.

"Itsu-kun? Ino-chan? What happened?"

"Aneki~! Nezuko-chan~!" The blond slayer greeted us in his typical manner as I felt him approach us, "Would you like to visit Rengoku-Aniki with us?"

"Ah, why not...?" I agreed hesitantly, knowing well that it was the better alternative than been left alone with my thoughts but still felt unsure with the sudden change in pace.

'I hope Tanjiro won't mind me being there.'

I shook myself mentally as I slowly got off the bed, my movements feeling hesitant even to myself as my mind reeled with absurd thoughts.

Was Tanjiro angry with me? Or was he disturbed with something?

Or was it the direct consequence of me changing the plot?

'Well, that it sure is,' I mused wryly as I somewhat lingered on the hallway while I heard Zenitsu simp over Nezuko and Inosuke sassing him for it, 'But what exactly changed his behaviour towards me? And would that... would that affect the plot too?'

"Oi!" My attention snapped back to the present as Inosuke's hand came to tug my own, "Walk faster! Or are you really getting slower after all?"

"Who knows," I shrugged nonchalantly, "I just prefer to take my time over things. You know, helps with thinking and all. You should try that sometime too, dearie."

"Hah! Being slow is—"

"I think she was talking about thinking, Inosuke," Zenitsu pointed out very amusingly, his voice almost bouncing with laughter while he continued to taunt him, "Weren't you, Aneki?"

"Both, actually." I answered back cheekily with a smile tugging on my own lips at the very annoyed huff Inosuke let out.

However, before he could yell our ears off, Zenitsu decided to speed up and open the door to Rengoku's room — something which I found very smart as Inosuke immediately lost his train of thought and instead focused on whatever they were talking about in the said room.

'Three auras...?' My mind passively observed as I heard both the young slayers rowdily enter the room and declare our arrival, 'Who is the new one?'

I smiled in the general direction of Rengoku while my mind zeroed in on the third aura — it was a calm and warm one, giving off a tone of brightness that was even warmer than Rengoku's.

Then again, his aura has always been brighter than it was warmer, if I had to be honest.

'Tomioka's is the warmest,' my mind wandered back to him automatically, 'I wonder where is he now.'

"Miyasha!" I smiled as Rengoku cheerfully called out my name, "Come, take a seat! It's been a few days since I last saw you! How are you?"

I chuckled at his enthusiastic approach as Zenitsu kindly guided me to a chair situated near Rengoku's bed — right near the new aura.

'I wish I was sitting beside Tanjiro though...' I thought absent-mindedly as I noticed his aura being quite... dim and strangely repressed away from me, 'Or is it my own interpretation of it than it actually being like that?'

"I'm doing well, thank you for asking, Ren-senpai," my smile widened as I felt Nezuko approach me, "And I'm sorry for not visiting you for the past few days — have been a bit preoccupied with my training, actually."

"Oh, to hone your ability to sense auras?" I heard him ask tentatively as I nodded while focusing on little Nezuko who was apparently trying to climb onto my lap.

"Yep," I took her in my lap and tried readjusting her into a more comfortable position before I turned to the retired slayer, "Though, can't say I've done much progress on it." I informed him honestly before I decided to lead the topic completely away from me, "Regardless, how're your injuries? Oh, and, I hope it's not an issue but... may I ask who is the new person, here with us?"

I smiled kindly at the person beside me; his soft yet expressive aura immediately flaring, in what I assumed was surprise, as I asked about him curiously.

Definitely not someone I have met already — he neither felt like any of the Hashiras nor the slayers I've met yet.

Rengoku laughed as I put out my question, "See! I told you she had a very keen sense of people's aura! I believe you have actually improved unlike what you think, Miyasha!"

"You're too kind."

"Deflecting compliments would do you no good!" I heard him cheekily reply as I shook my head and heard Zenitsu and Inosuke agree with him loudly.

Traitors, the whole lot of them.

"Anyhow, my injuries are doing well!" Rengoku continued, "And the one you sensed is actually my younger brother — Senjuro!"

"Oh..." my heart faltered as I remembered about his brother — Rengoku was an older brother, wasn't he? I actually forgot about it with all the sudden changes happening around me, "It's nice to meet you Rengoku-kun."

I smiled politely towards the younger Rengoku while my mind reeled with memories about them; I don't remember the manga covering much about him except—

'Except how he mourned for his elder brother's death.' I let out a shaky breath as the thought went through my mind, my head lowering down on its own accord as I started feeling heavy and overwhelmed all of a sudden.

"H-Hello, Miyasha-san," I felt my heart drop further as I heard how young he sounded, "Aniki talked a lot about you when I came to visit for the last few days... I'm glad to finally meet you now!"

I was at a loss for words as I couldn't get past the fact of how young he sounded — what was his age? Fifteen? Sixteen?

'He is almost as old as my sister.'

"Miyasha?" Rengoku's voice somewhat distracted me from my thoughts, "Are you feeling alright?"

"I..." I didn't know how to answer that. My chest ached, my head felt dizzy — I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know what I was doing.

"Sorry, I—" I took in a shaky breath as I made myself get up; almost startling Nezuko out of my lap as I continued, trying my best to sound as normal as I can, "I-I am not feeling well. I... I really need to leave."

"Miya—"

"I-I'm sorry," I apologised again as I stumbled my way out of the room — I can't break down here; not now, not here.

Not in front of his brother.

I covered my mouth once I reached outside in the hall; I remember Rengoku's death in the manga, I remember how everyone reacted to it when they got to know about it.

But what had left the most impact on me was the way his brother mourned for him.

I took in a deep breath as memories of my past life flooded in — I remember my sister crying when she first read that particular chapter, her heart reaching out to Tanjiro but even more so to Senjuro.

"I can't imagine losing you like he lost his brother, Di."

I forced myself to take another deep breath as I remembered holding her in my arms and comforting her about it — her worries about what she would do if I ever left her... her emotions about ever losing me.

"I know it's silly and all, but I just can't help but feel bad. I can't help but think how I would feel if I was in his place and it scares me."

I failed her, didn't I?
I left her alone there, didn't I?
Did she hate me for it? Did she... Did she mourn for me — like Senjuro did for his brother?

"Miyasha?" Warm arms engulfed me as I was startled out of my thoughts, "Miyasha? Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"Tomioka..." I breathed his name out in surprise before pressing my head on his shoulder, "I... can you..."

"Miyasha?"

"Can you please," I tried focusing all my concentration on not letting my voice break and taking deep breaths, "Can you please take me to my room, senpai? I-I... I'm not really feeling well."

I felt his arms gently lifting me bridal style; his warmth somewhat calming me down as I tried my best to focus on my breathing and not breaking down.

However, I couldn't concentrate even on that as my mind refused to focus on anything but my thoughts — my thoughts on my sister and how I left her alone.

I could feel my nose clog up and my eyes water as I desperately tried to repress my emotions.

"Miyasha...?"

"I-It hurts-s," I said out loud as I buried myself into his warmth, my voice breaking with restrained emotions that I myself didn't know how to deal with, "It hu-hurts s-so mu-much and I... and I-I d-don't know-ow h-how to deal wi-with this. I d-don't know wh-why I a-am e-even—"

"Breathe, Miyasha," I felt his chest vibrate as his voice echoed in my mind, "Breathe, please."

I did as he asked; his voice and continuous whispers guiding me through some basic breathing exercises which helped me calm down a lot as he grounded me with his presence.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked me after what felt like hours to me.

"B-Better than before," I admitted as I felt his arms linger around me before he gradually moved away, "Th-Thank you for helping, Tomioka-senpai."

I gave him a shaky smile as he gently handed me a glass of water, "Drink some water, your voice sounds strained."

"Thank you..."

The silence that had fallen haunted me as my mind went back to my thoughts — however, they didn't seem as occupying or as overwhelming as they did before.

'Did I almost had an anxiety attack?'

"Miyasha?" I heard him call my name again as he sat down on the bed in front of me, making me pause as I unceremoniously leaned my head back on his shoulder again, "Do you—"

I shook my head silently, causing him to turn quiet and allow me to just... lean on him. I hummed slightly as I felt his hand caress my head, making me finally notice how clammy my hands felt and how much my chest ached.

I felt awful physically and mentally as I contemplated through my symptoms and worries — my body slowly stopping its trembling as his warmth helped balance my own.

I absent-mindedly noticed how the sound of rain was more muffled now, making me believe he closed the window when he got up to hand me the glass. The fact that I was so out of it that I didn't even hear him do it made me feel even more vulnerable.

"I'm sorry for worrying you again," I started by apologising as I felt I had recovered enough to now detach myself from him, "I... I didn't know what came over me."

I tried to get out of the hug he had me in before he tightened his arms around me and stopped all my attempts.

"No," I heard him softly say as his huge hand rubbed my small of a back, warming me up against the cold weather and my own slight trembling, "Stay."

"Sen—"

"Please," his breath fanned on my cheeks as he requested gently, "Just for a few more minutes."

I chuckled nervously as I found myself getting embarrassed at the intimacy of the very act, "You're such a sly bastard, you know that?"

He didn't reply to me except softly tighten his arms around me, making me feel warm and fuzzy as I unconsciously nuzzled my face into his chest.

I felt myself flush when I heard his breath hitch — his body being so close to mine left no room for me to not notice his discomfort as I tried to detach myself from him again while he tightened his arms around me to cage me. Again.

"Senpai, you don't have to do it if you are uncomfortable!"

"I'm not uncomfortable," my heart skipped as I felt his forehead on my own, "I was surprised."

'What the fuck is this man doing to me?' I wondered embarrassingly as I felt his breath linger on my face, making me feel unnaturally warm unlike how I felt before.

I absent-mindedly noticed how my body had stopped trembling now and how I was feeling much more like myself than I was doing a few moments before — something that I had solely Tomioka to thank for.

Even though I still couldn't quite process the fact that he was enough of a distraction to me to completely swift me away from something as daunting as an anxiety attack.

"...I'm sorry for touching you inappropriately like that," I apologised once we slowly separated from our intimate embrace, "I should have asked you before I... before I did anything like that."

"Don't injure yourself," I felt his hands on my own as he stopped them from my habitual twisting.

"Um, I'm not—"

"Your hands are red," he pointed out directly as he gently rubbed my hands with his huge ones, "You rub your hands raw when you do that. So, don't."

"O-Oh, okay, senpai." I felt flustered as his hands almost engulfed my own. It made me feel even smaller than I already was feeling and I'll be lying if I said it didn't make me feel shy all of a sudden.

"I don't mind your touches," Tomioka's words pulled me back in the conversation as he continued, "I may not know social etiquettes that well or what some touched might mean exactly, but I don't mind when it comes from you."

My heart skipped several beats as he continued obliviously, "I like your touches. Please never stop them."

Oh my God.

I buried my face in my hands as soon as his left mine; my whole face flushing red as I kept chanting in my mind that he didn't know what his words may come off as.

God fucking dammit — he was too innocent for this world and I couldn't even fucking blame him for this.

"Miyasha...?"

"Just give me a second!" I almost yelled it out loud as my hands muffled my words along with my red face, "Just a second!"

God, what was I gonna do with this innocent man?!

'Okay, Miyasha, let's calm down first,' I mentally prepped myself, 'I think it's enough fangirling for a day. Let's focus back on the task at hand, yeah?'

What was the task at hand, again?

I shook my head mentally as slowly removed my hands from my face — I hoped my face was no longer red and that I looked remotely normal and not like I just almost passed out by his innocent yet very suggestive words.

'He said he wasn't much familiar with physical touches, didn't he?' The thought suddenly popped up in my mind, 'Then how did he calm me down so effectively? Was he... was he copying how I behaved with the Trouble Trio?'

Well, if that was true then it would explain a lot why the socially awkward guy was suddenly so into physically reassuring me. However, that made me feel bad real quick as I realised he might not even know how intimate these acts actually were.

And while I did behave this way with the three stooges, it felt completely different with them. Now with Tomioka...

I don't even know what to say what I felt with him.

"You don't have to do it for me..." I relayed softly as I felt him brush my unruly hair behind my ear, "Especially if you are not used to it or don't understand what they mean, senpai."

"...I like them, don't worry."

"That doesn't make it better!" I almost covered my face again with how hard I felt myself flush, "Look, these acts — hugging and caressing like this is considered very... intimate. Especially since they are based a lot on trust and how comfortable a person is around you. And... well, I don't want you to do this without knowing how intimate these sound and can be seen as, senpai."

I heard him shuffle around a bit before he asked, "Did I... make you uncomfortable?"

"What?" I blurted out in surprise, "Of course not! You literally just calmed me down from a potential episode — of course, I'm not feeling uncomfortable."

"...then, can I continue doing it?"

Oh my God.
Someone kill me, please. Or else this man definitely would.

"I—" rubbed a hand on my face as I wondered what I could answer him; I was already too flustered to even think anything straight by this point, "If you are comfortable and see that it's needed, then sure. But please remember that when I ask to stop, don't push me. Please."

"Of course," he answered back smoothly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Good," I nodded as I wondered how did I end up in this situation again, "Good, okay good. I just — God, what am I gonna do with you." I groaned as I felt overwhelmed again for a completely different reason.

How can a man as oblivious as him make me feel so embarrassed and flustered at just one simple act?
What was wrong with me?

"Remember when we talked about phrases and tones of how we said them, last time?" I started once I felt myself calm down a bit, continuing as I heard him hum affirmatively, "Good, so, touches are like that too. Context, situation and relationship between the parties matter a lot in a simple act of touch — just like tone does in how a phrase or word can be interpreted."

I took a deep breath as I explained, "When I hug or pat Nezuko, it's more... sisterly in nature — or even motherly, if you wanna extend it. Such is the same when I do it to Tanjiro or Zenitsu, since they even address me as one. While if I do that with Inosuke — which I don't do often since his boundaries are quite different than the previous three — it would be the same but the context would be way different since he doesn't allow touches like that usually."

"I don't understand?"

"It means," I patiently answered, "That since Inosuke is not a touchy-feely kinda person or a person who is as open to touch as others are, my touching him like hugging or patting him is even more special since he doesn't allow that privilege to everyone. This makes the context behind the touches even more... well, intimate and special. But since our relationship would still be that of friends or, uh, brother-sister ideally, the intimacy is not necessarily interpreted as... well, romantic."

"So, would our hug be considered romantic?" I swear to Lord; the way he asked this innocently was just, too much.

"It can be," I admitted, feeling strangely hesitant before I brushed it off and explained further, "We are... uh, friends? So yeah, since we don't have that kind of familiar bond, people would interpret it as romantically more often than not. Then again, situations do matter too, so today's case can be explained in that context and be exempted from such assumption."

"However," I readjusted my position a bit as I felt my legs go numb from sitting in one position for too long, "It may not always work like that — that's why I asked you to think about the weightage of such acts before... well, before you do them without being comfortable or aware of how people might view them as. And yes, these acts also includes carrying someone in your arms."

"When they are not injured?"

"Yes, when they are not injured because that would be one of the situations that would be somewhat excused. Like, even today, I was almost... well, I was panicking and needed reassurance so you gave me that — however, if you would have acted as such without any situation like what happened today, it would be seen and interpreted as romantic persuasion."

"...what do you think?" I heard him softly ask once I finished explaining, "Does it bother you?"

"It... doesn't," I answered him truthfully, "Honestly? I don't mind such touches. They... well, they give me comfort and make me feel like I'm valued. What worries me is that you may not know what they mean and I am just using your ignorance to my own advantage."

I could practically hear the confusion dripping from his voice as he asked, "But I wanted to hug you?"

"I—" I faltered as I realised that this guy was not someone I could handle or explain otherwise in any situation without dying in embarrassment first, "Look, I just, I understand and I just wanted you to know what they meant, that's all. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with what people might think of us when they see us like... this."

"Does it bother you?" He asked me again, making me shake my head in denial, "Then it doesn't bother me either. Is it alright if I... continue?"

"...you are too sweet for your own good, you know that right?" I chuckle as I rub my forehead, "What am I gonna do with you, I swear."

"...I'm sorry."

"Oh my God, tone, senpai, tone! I'm not saying that seriously—"


It was almost night by the time Tomioka actually left my room; however, we didn't get to do the actual training part since he insisted that I needed more time to recover mentally and that I should take things easier than I should.

I didn't get the thought process behind it as I was doing jackshit for training for the past three days — but apparently, Shinobu got it and had very much appreciated his advice, making me turn to her in betrayal.

I can't believe I was low-key scolded and told to chill out by two Hashiras.

Canon ones, I mean; since while the twins are Hashiras too, they weren't in the original cast — a fact that still bothers me as I can't, for the life of me, figure out how I even remotely managed to influence things in a way that it ended up adding two new Hashiras to the equation.

I just can't fathom it.

I shook my head to disperse my thoughts as I sat on the porch in the cool air of the night. The atmosphere was was still moist from the rain a few hours ago but the chillness of the night somehow made the cold feel sharper and prominent; unlike the moist and somewhat wet coldness I was used to after a good shower of rain.

'What are the chances of me freezing to death here?' I mused wryly as I blew warm air onto my freezing hands — well, more than usual freezing hands, 'How tedious.'

The sound of shuffling and the trace of a very familiar aura at the edge of my conscious pulled me out of my silly musings, making me focus keenly on the person moving around in the middle of the night on the... on the roof?

'Is that,' I got up from my position and neared the area he was sitting as much as I could, 'Tanjiro?'

My heart stuttered a bit at the thought of confronting him for his strange behaviour and his clear avoidance — however, I knew it was inevitable and very much needed.

'Not to mention,' I grabbed the lower edge of the roof before swinging my body in a trajectory motion and pulling myself over the roof with the help of that, 'This is the best time I'll ever get to talk to him privately.'

"Jiro-kun?" I called out unsurely as I felt his aura while I climbed the roof carefully, "What are you doing here so late in the night, honey?"

I didn't get any reply as I took my time to climb up towards his simmered aura — his lack of response and rather repressed aura didn't help my worry either as I repeated myself while taking a place beside him.

"...Tanjiro?" I softly called out again, gently reaching out to touch him, "Are you... okay?"

"I-I'm alright, Aneki." My heart almost stuttered in worry as his voice came out soft and trembling; the unexpectedness of it startling me while my hand lingered on his shoulder, "I just, I can't sleep. So, I decided to train—"

"It's way past midnight, dearie." I softly interrupted, knowing full well he was not being honest with me, "And you normally train in the mornings with Itsu and Ino."

Silence greeted me as he avoided answering; making me worry even more as I internally cursed myself for the lack of my sight. If only I could see and read his expressions; that would have made me evaluate him better.

"Jiro—"

"How are your eyes?" Tanjiro suddenly asked, to which I paused as my brain processed his words.

"They are better, actually." I replied suspiciously, wondering if he was trying to divert the topic, "I don't feel any pain or itchiness around the skin near it either, so I think it is healing well. Might get the bandages removed in another week or so, I think."

I let the silence stretch as I waited for him to reply, musing why did he suddenly ask me about my eyes, out of all the things. As far as I knew the boy, he wasn't the type to divert or avoid topics, so it made me wonder if there was something I wasn't getting.

"...Jiro?" I called out his name softly as I scooted near him; his aura was so low and... dull now that it was difficult to even read or register, "Are you... alright? Do you wanna talk about it — about why you have been avoiding me for the past few days?"

My heart sank even more as his silence greeted me once again, "Tanjiro, you know you can tell me anything, ri—"

"I'm sorry, Aneki."

"E-Eh?"

"I'm... sorry." His voice almost wavered as he apologised, my chest becoming heavier and heavier with each word he uttered, "I... couldn't do anything. I'm so sorry."

"Jiro, dearie," I carefully wrapped my arms around the boy, the whole process taking me more than a few tries as I couldn't see where my hands were going, "What happened? Why are you apologizing, honey?" I softly asked the younger male as I rubbed circles on his shoulders slowly and gently.

"I-I..." his wavering voice broke my heart, "...am so sorry."

I silently tried to comfort the boy as he trembled, the whole moment reminding me again how young he was. It broke my heart to even think about what he had gone through at such a young age and how much he still had left to go before it all ends.

'I promise I'll try my best to help you through it all.' I absent-mindedly thought as I rubbed his arms, waiting for him to continue as he trembled while still not facing me.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't strong enough," Tanjiro blurted out without a moment's notice, "I... I wasn't strong enough to fight or even see how..." his voice broke off midway through, making me freeze as I finally realised what he might be apologizing about, "I'm so sorry for not protecting you, Aneki! I dragged you here and I-I... you joined us on the train because I asked and now you can't see—"

"Tanjiro," I softly called out the sobbing boy's name, my hands pulling him slightly away as I tried to calm him.

"N-No," he flat out denied as I felt him shake his head, his arms moving up towards his face to what I presumed was either to cover his face or brush away the tears, "I d-didn't — y-you even warned us before and I-I forced you to... to come with us. And you al... you almost died—" He choked at the last word, making my heart ache as the weightage of his words finally hit me.

Tanjiro felt like this because he couldn't prevent my injury. He was... he was afraid that he'll lose me.

'That's why he was avoiding me,' The thought fleetingly crossed my mind as I could hear him shuffle beside me, 'He... He didn't know how to approach me after what he thought was his mistake injuring me.'

"Tanjiro..." I felt my bandages getting wet as my hands trembled while muttered softly, "...I love you."

I felt the younger male gasp as I pulled him into a tight hug, my own voice trembling as I repeated my words, "I love you so much, Tanjiro. You are the best brother I could ever have — You.. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me." I answered honestly as I felt the wet spots on my bandages increase.

"A-Aneki—"

"Shh... let me speak." I huffed jokingly, trying to hide how much his words had affected me as I tugged him under me in a way that I can place my chin over his head, my hands gently rubbing his back as I felt his stiff posture, "You... You have no obligation to save me, do you understand?"

I continued regardless of getting any reply from him, "You... You are so young, so bright and so, so kind — Otouto... I love you so much that you have no idea. You have... no idea."

I sniffled as I felt my nose clog up, knowing full well how much I was gonna regret crying like this in the morning, "I'm a demon slayer just like you, you know?" I asked rhetorically, "I... I would have gotten hurt regardless of me going in there with you or not. My blood... It makes things dangerous for me — but I didn't die, so please, stop blaming yourself for this."

I felt Tanjiro turn his head towards me as he silently hugged me back, "I'm sorry..."

"No," I softly denied as I distanced my face a bit to emphasise my point, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not noticing how it was affecting you up until now. I'm sorry for not... for not talking to you properly for these past few days. There's no one to blame but me."

"Aneki—"

"Shh," I shushed him as I brushed his bangs off his face, "I'm the elder one, so it's my responsibility, you understand?"

I gently rubbed his face, feeling the softness of his cheeks and the roughness of the mark on his forehead before I hugged him again.

"I love you a lot, otouto." I patted him affectionately, "And I'll say it to you no matter how many times you want to hear. I love you and you are absolutely worth every effort, every injury and every act I have to go through."

I felt him tremble again as he audibly sobbed, my hug tightening around the younger male as I whispered softly how much he meant to me and everyone in the Estate — and how he has saved so many lives and, in a way, saved me too.

"You are brave and wise," I rubbed his shoulder softly as his soft sobs turned into sniffles, "Braver and wiser than you should have to be at this age. And you still did it. And I'm so proud of you, Jiro-otouto."

I felt his hug tighten as I closed my eyes, the calmness of the night feeling even more raw once the boy in my arms quietened down.

"Thank you," Tanjiro's voice sounded hoarse from crying as he pulled away from me.

"Oh, hush, silly." I smiled as I patted him again, "It was my duty. No need to thank me — in fact, if you ever feel this way and wanna talk to someone about it or just want some company, don't hesitate to come to me, alright?"

"I..." I heard him pause before he took a deep breath, "Thank you so much, Aneki. And yes, I will."

"That's my boy—"

"Oh my God, Aneki! Your bandages!"

"Oh yeah, they got a little wet as I—"

"They are red! You are bleeding!"

"Wait, what?"


Crying, as it turned out, was definitely something I should have avoided or at least tried to avoid due to the very fact that I still couldn't change the bandages on my own — add the fact that I was apparently crying blood and you had a ready-made recipe for disaster.

"I'm sorry for waking you up so late at night, Shinobu-san," I apologised what was for the hundredth time as the said female gently wrapped the fresh bandages around my eyes.

"As I told you earlier," she gently tightened the bandage before tying it up, "It's completely alright, Miyasha-san. This could have happened any time — I'm glad you decided to call me instead of Aoi as it certainly needed my attention."

"Are her—" Tanjiro's voice drew our attention towards him as he cleared his throat before continuing, "Um, are aneki's eyes alright?"

"They are," Shinobu moved away from me as I heard her gather around the medicines she had brought along with her.

"B-But the blood—"

"The blood that you noticed wasn't from her eyes, Tanjiro-kun," Shinobu explained gently, "It was from her tear-ducts, which were very severely damaged due to the demon blood from her last fight — resulting in them being non-functional and, well, bleeding instead of actually producing tears."

"Does that mean I'll cry blood from now on?" I asked amusingly as my mind went back to the edgy vampire tropes I once used to read.

"I believe so," her sympathetic voice conveyed as I felt her move away from myself, "Their recovery is almost impossible at this point."

"Eh, that's understandable."

"I hope it doesn't pain when you..." Tanjiro stumbled over his words, making me smile amusingly at his attempt at tactfulness, "...when you cry?"

"It doesn't," I admitted honestly, "At least it didn't this time."

"It shouldn't actually pain you much unless you touch around your eyes when that happens," Shinobu relayed from the doorway to my room, "Or if you cry for a long time. I'll advise you to avoid both, if you can."

"I assure you I will," I smiled softly in the direction of the Insect Hashira, "Once again, thank you for your help and I apologise for disturbing you this late."

"Once again," Shinobu cheekily used my own words to reply to me, "It's my duty and it's completely alright that you did. Now, take some rest, both of you! Goodnight~"

We both bid her farewell softly, minding our voice as the silence of the night became even more apparent at Shinobu's absence.

"Jiro," I called his name as I reached out in his direction; his hair soon brushing against my fingers as I felt him lean towards my outstretched hand, "Hey, you wanna talk?"

"About what, aneki?"

"About how are you feeling?" I noticed how he completely leaned on me as I combed his hair affectionately, "You were dealing with some pretty heavy stuff alone for the past few days, dearie. Is there something you want to share or just, well, or just maybe say out loud? Get off your chest? I'm all ears for you."

I let the silence longer between us as I kept caressing his head; his breathing and aura felt much calmer and brighter than before — however, it didn't feel the same as it did before all this happened, so I waited for him to talk and maybe trust me enough to vent to me.

I sighed silently, "Look, you don't have to say anything if you are no—"

"I'm sorry," he softly started, making me shut up instantly as I focused completely on his words, "I... I should have come to you. I shouldn't have avoided you and— I just, I felt..."

I softly rubbed my fingers in circles on his rough hands, giving him all the comfort I could as he slowly opened up.

"I felt horrible," he admitted as his hands around my own tightened, "You have always helped me, always been there for me and Nezuko and I just... I just dragged you in a mission none of us was prepared for and almost got you killed!"

"I could give nothing back to you, Aneki," He softly continued after his previous outburst, "You... You stayed and sacrificed everything for us and I just keep asking for more and more."

Silence lingered between as I proceeded his words while still absent-mindedly rubbing his hands with my own — they were warm and rough like a warrior's, yet his hold was as gentle and careful as if holding a child.

"Is that how you feel?" I asked softly, pausing to get a short affirmation in reply before I continued, "And... why do you feel like you never did anything for me?"

"Because I didn't," he replied bluntly, "I was unable to even see your fight with the upper moon with how fast you and Rengoku-aniki were attacking and... and I couldn't even get up when you fainted in the meeting or stand up for you when I knew you were injured. I knew you could be hurt but I still—"

My hands softly engulfed his own, feeling how his hands were actually slightly larger than mine, "And you could do what?"

"I-I could have," he stumbled over his words as he tried answering my question, "I could have told them you were injured! And..."

"And what?" I smiled wryly at his answer, "Tanjiro, I knew the danger when I followed you to the mountain mission. As for the train one — I knew it could be dangerous as well. In fact, you asked me and I followed you still; it was a conscious decision. I jumped in to fight with Akaza on my own accord too, while you and Ino had focused on the Lower Demon Moon."

"But you went because I asked!" I could feel him shaking his head as he countered me, "You have already done so much for me and Nezuko, Aneki. And I couldn't even protect your once — you even bet your own life for Nezuko!"

"And why do you think I did that?" I asked softly as I patted his hands that were still in my own, "I did that because I trust you both. I... I love you both dearly — it was my own decision to do what I did and I assure you that you don't owe me anything. What happened to me is the consequences of my own actions."

"But—"

"As for the seppuku part," I continued gently as I explained my motive, "My blood makes me valuable to the Demon Slayer Corps., giving more power to my own words than others. That's why I gave my name out as well, so that your sister has more leverage and credibility in case any of the Hashiras decided to go against Oyakata-sama — which is unlikely, sure, but still something to be cautious about."

Silence greeted me as patiently waited for Tanjiro's reply or any kind of reaction to my words.

"...I don't understand that a lot," Tanjiro admitted, his rather sheepish tone made me chuckle while he continued with the same tone, "I'm not familiar with such tactics much, but I do understand you did it so that Nezuko could have a better chance of acceptance."

"See, you do understand!" I chuckled some more while Tanjiro squeezed my hands.

"Thank you," he paused for a moment before explaining, "Thank you for helping me and Nezuko that day and trying to give us more... leverage. Thank you for helping us whenever I asked you for help and being here when needed."

"You're welcome," I decided not to disagree and stretch the topic even more as I smiled up at the younger slayer, "Although, now that you have defeated a Lower Demon Moon, I'm sure your word will be taken more seriously—"

"I didn't tell them," Tanjiro suddenly confessed, confusing me for a moment before he explained further, "I didn't tell anyone we defeated a Lower Moon."

"Wait," it boggled my mind as he said it, "Wait, what? Why?"

"Because I didn't kill him alone."

"How does that even—?"

"And I don't deserve it," my shoulder sagged as I heard him continue, "After what happened to you and Rengoku-Aniki... I don't deserve it."

"Jiro..." I reached out to gently take him into my embrace, "You don't... it wasn't your duty, dear."

"But I still couldn't do anything while you both almost died!"

"And your participation would have helped?" I asked gingerly as I felt him shake his head and prepare to counter me, "No, Tanjiro, it wouldn't have — not only were you already exhausted and injured, you literally had just fought a Demon Moon directly; unlike me and Rengoku."

"If you had somehow forced yourself to fight alongside us," I continued after a moment of silence, "You would have ended up dying on the battlefield — leaving your sister alone, without your guidance. Is that how you want to fight?"

"No," I heard him whisper softly as I rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Then?" I backed up a bit as I patted his hair down and brushed my lips on his head in a platonic kiss, "What happened was out of our hands — even yours, so stop taking the blame on yourself, yeah? Moreover, blaming yourself will only divert you from learning from your mistakes."

"Thank you, Aneki," He softly uttered as he leaned his head on my shoulder, "And I'm sorry for bothering you with this."

"Oh shush you," I huffed, "What kind of 'Aneki' would I even be if I can't even do this much? This is literally the least I can do — I thought you'll know that as an older brother yourself."

"I, I know," I could hear the laugh he huffed after I called him out, "But you were looking so down for the past week and I didn't want to add to it."

"Wait, I did?"

"You did," he nodded as he repositioned himself while he pulled away from the hug, "You looked so lost and down and... strangely sad — even your smell was sickeningly sweet."

"That's..." I took a moment to wonder how to even reply to that, "That sounds very, very weird when you say it like that. And how sweet? Sadness smells sweet to you?"

"Yes, but not like a good smell," Tanjiro's explanation confused me even more as I tilted my head, "I mean, it smells sweet but so sweet that you don't like it! Like, rotting... sweets?"

"Your explanation skills make my head spin, I swear," I shook my head in amusement as Tanjiro apparently took offence to that and tried to explain it better.

Which he didn't — but at least he was trying his best.

"It's like," he stumbled over his words for the infinite time, making me outright chuckle as I shifted to make space for him, "I mean, anger is spicy but feels like spice when it's tossed in the air!"

"Yeah, that makes sense," I teased him as I hear him huff loudly at my words, "Now, lay down here beside me and explain your smell superiority from here instead of sitting there awkwardly."

"It's not superiority!" He retaliated as he followed my instruction without any protest, "I mean, the way you sense aura is great, too!"

"That is might be, but it's hella tedious to practice."

"Huh? Why so?"

I took in a deep breath and started venting about my own struggles with training, making Tanjiro actively suggest me some tips as we further shared our experiences of training.

I smiled down at him as I patted his head while he explained how he too had to meditate under a huge waterfall.

'Funny how fate works, huh?' I mused as I heard him complain softly, 'Can't believe I was trying to avoid this idiot a few months ago.'

"I had to do that too, actually." I admitted once he finished his own tale, "Though, I fell sick after the very first time, so that was that."

"You fell sick?!"

"Yep, and the twins tried their best to take care of me and later ended up sick too." That made Tanjiro laugh out loud as I grinned mischievously and recounted all about my own training sessions with the twins.

It was nice talking to him like this after weeks of training and occupied shit. It made me feel light and happy as we chatted about our past.

My lips tugged into a smile as I heard him slur through his words slowly as sleep overtook him, making me feel quite the urge to just pull his cheeks and gobble him up.

'Such an adorable child,' I quietly chuckled to myself as I got up and closed the window before covering him up with a blanket, 'I'll wake him up before Shinobu comes.' I nod to myself before sitting on the bed beside his sleeping figure, softly caressing his forehead.

I'm glad that I met him.


I'm so proud of myself for keeping this ONE deadline, I swear to Lord.

Also, how many of you bet that Miyasha deadass fell asleep too? And won't it be funny if she did? Shinobu would definitely scold them over their late-night chats, lol.

Anyway, the next chapter is the character POV! Guess who it might be~? And no, it's not one of the previous characters I've already done. And hopefully enough, I can pull that one off good cause that'll explain y'all a lot about how things are going from a more neutral perspective.

Taishou Secrets

Miyasha's favourite food is Yakitori (grilled meat covered with savoury sauce) while the twins are partial to mochi - almost all kinds, but love the ones Miyasha makes the most. They even bonded over with Mitsuri over their shared love of Mochi and had even shared some of the sweets that Miyasha had sent for them with her as well!

Now, onto the review replies!

Starrat: Thank you so much for your review and I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter! I hope you like this one too ^^

MehScrewIt: Personally, I feel like Giyuu is smart enough to pick up social etiquettes quite easily if someone properly guides him through it — and who is better than our Miyasha who somehow always ends up on the teaching part of the job, lol. And I hope this chapter answers your question about Tanjiro! Also, thank you so much for your review! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

ukitakeitalialover041757: You got it right! Miyasha has a lot of her own baggage to deal with and I'm glad I was at least able to portray it properly, lol. And thank you so much for your kind review! I'm glad you liked my lil fanfic ^^

And that'll be all for this chapter! Thank you so much for your kind reviews! They made me smile so much! Please review this one too if you want to— I love reading from you guys, and honestly, it motivates me like no other ^^

Stay safe and stay healthy!