20. Involuntary

The room is so black on all sides that I can't help but imagine it as the inside of a coffin. The chairs are black, stiff, and so high that facing the backs of them, you cannot tell whether or not a person sits on the other side. They all surround a long metallic rectangular table. Though there are 12 chairs, there are only 9 of us. For whatever reason, they direct me to the chair that heads the farthest end of the table, right beside Peeta.

Aside from myself, there is Peeta, Haymitch, President Paylor, and Plutarch as the only ones I recognize. Other than that, there are 2 stocky men who both hold their heads in a distracted and contemptuous manner. And then there is a very slight woman whose white skin almost matches the white of her hair. A black-haired girl, who is looking at me as if she is just now recognizing me from the Games and the tour, which makes no sense. At a meeting like this who else could I be? Then the girl glances at me and then at Peeta, who sits to my right, and her smile widens. Ah. So she followed and was fooled by our fake love story and feels awestruck. Well, she's the only one.

Then, as if trying to make my discomfort even more abysmal, Gale enters through the large steel door walking stiffly and wearing a black version of his stock uniform. He salutes the president and then is directed to walk over to the seat with his name it; the one right to the left of me. Great, I think. I glance at Gale cordially, and he smiles shortly, before sitting up bone straight and staring across to the opposite head of the table where the president is seated. Oh yes. He is the Captain of the Guards for 4 and all. I guess that makes President Paylor his official Commander-in-Chief.

I have no idea what this meeting is even about, but I can't help but to feel glad to have been included. That familiar feeling of being an important part of something is creeping in. I can already feel my fingers flexing and shaking on the metal table, my feet tapping as if they're waiting to be told where to go.

It isn't until I feel Peeta's hand grip around mine at the same time Gale is tapping my leg with his foot that I realize everyone is staring at me, disturbed by my loud fidgets. I gulp back the embarrassment and sit up straight. I glance at Gale nodding a thank you and then turn towards Peeta. This is the first time I've seen him since this morning. Being directed to my seat beside him, I still never looked him in his eyes, but they do seem calmer now, friendlier than when I saw them last. I smile at him. Mouth "Thank you." and look down at his hand over mine. As I do, he quickly moves it away and I briefly wish that he hadn't. Then, I remove my own hands from the table and looking sheepishly over at the president I say, "Sorry."

President Paylor smiles saying in her loud manner "No apologies necessary, Soldier Everdeen."

Soldier? I had nearly forgotten that one among my long list of titles and I choke out, "No, Just Katniss!" Again, everyone stares at me and I say softer. "I mean…just Katniss is fine now. No title, please."

President Paylor smiles, although everyone else, even Haymitch, is glaring at me with growing impatience. Even my black-haired fan shoots daggers in my direction and I sink down in my chair a little. "Okay, Katniss." President Paylor says and then her smiling face quickly changes to one of seriousness and she says sharply. "Dim the lights. Let's begin."

President Paylor stands, and I notice that she is wearing a uniform as well. It is similar to Gale's but a deep grey patterned fabric and with many more designs and medals lacing her upper right shoulder. Then a large Holo-screen appears, covering the wall that holds the door and I see what looks to be some kind of a mission board appear. Then she begins describing everything that happened during the last few days of the war.

President Paylor begins with the chaos caused by the bombing in the square. The bombing Coin commissioned. The bombing that took Prim's life. I don't dare to look at Gale, but I know that the discomfort he's feeling must be at least in the same arena as mine. I find Peeta's hand beneath the table and grip it tightly as she thankfully zips past the details of that, to her next part of the recap. She is talking about the decision by Coin to form the united council and then the meeting about the new Capitol supplied Hunger Games. She goes over the meeting with the victors and then President's Coin's assassination, by me. Snow's apparent death by trampling, the riot in the street and then she speaks briefly about my trial and everything leading up to Peeta and I being dropped off in District 12, and the calm that ensued from that point forward. The way she tells the story and ends with us makes me feel as if Peeta and I were the cause of all the destruction. But I know this isn't her intention. Just a side effect of the guilt I can't help but feel.

I am just seriously beginning to grow concerned that she is saying any of this, when most who are in this room were there and the rest surely know it. We know all the details and the aftermath so why would she call a meeting about this?

Then, President Paylor pauses and takes a breath, saying. "So now, that we are all caught up on our side of the history, let me tell you about the other side." She clicks a button, and her screen is now graced with pictures of almost 30 people. All faces look bright, eager, and strong. "Snow's Angels." President Paylor says and one by one she counts off the names and identities of these people. Their faces gleam brightly beneath the numbers that identify their districts. I quickly see that every single picture is splashed diagonally with large red letters that spell out DECEASED.

President Paylor informs us all that during the war, there was a fringe group of fighters, who call themselves "The Antis". Most of the leaders had managed to become district trained for the Hunger Game's, but they were secretly against the Capitol the entire time. When the war broke out they refused to join the rebels and were therefore also against Coin, apparently deciding then that they were against established rule period. Well, that explains the name.

When the war began, the Antis infiltrated many of the small rebel bands and just slaughtered. Killed their own brothers-in-arms, killed Snow's soldiers, and slaughtered innocent women and children. Because of the war, they managed to remain just under the radar enough that no one even knew they existed and all who may have found out are thought to have been immediately killed.

"The nickname "Snow's Angels" was given by conspiracy theorists in the Capitol, who claim some of them were trained under Snow's own instruction; one of them actually being the person who killed him." Paylor says and then she goes on to say that it wasn't until after the war when one of them, a young man named Devin Glist, finally came forward and exposed the entire merciless organization.

Glist's picture flashes on the screen and he is brown skinned and from District 11, Rue's district. Apparently, he just walked in and offered up the names of all the "Anti" factions and talked about where they were hiding and what they were planning: a new overthrowing of the current peaceful government. A razing of the Capitol as it stands now with use of stolen high-level weapons made during Snow's reign. Something that Devin said even he could never be a part of. "He told us,", says Paylor 'I knew that we were anti-government, but that was necessary when the government was tyrannical. I never thought that we would try to incapacitate a peaceful one.'

Paylor pauses and then eyeing Peeta and I wearily she says, "And he gave us their symbol, so we'd know what we were looking for." She clicks her pointer and, on the screen, flashes the symbol of the rebels, the mockingjay. My mockingjay. It is a metal pin the exact same as mine, only…the metal is stained red. Yes, it is meant to be blood as I note the way it drips down the bird's head until he is covered almost fully in the metallic red color. Also, there is a red slash diagonally across the bird. "The Anti-Mockingjay." President Paylor says, and I feel my stomach turn.

It's not as if they are after me specifically, but I can't help but to take it personally that they've used our symbol of hope and peace and tried to make it into something sinister, something evil. Not to mention that it shakes me up to know that there may've been some who were involved in some part of the District 13 army, just waiting for a chance to kill us.

Returning to her story about Glist, Paylor surprises me when she says that instead of killing him, they took him into custody, but he was still found dead by morning; strung up in his cell, killed by someone who was in some way connected to the Anti's. After that Paylor immediately sent out her men on a mission to destroy them. In a matter of days, one by one, every faction was destroyed, and the Anti's were all captured and killed. I feel myself letting out a deep breath that I did not know I had been holding.

"At least that is what we all thought." Paylor says, and I feel my free hand tightening into a fist as the room begins to spin slightly.

"What do you mean 'what you thought'?" Peeta says, leaning forward.

President Paylor looks hard at him, her face frowning as if he should know better than to interrupt her. I am glad he did. We have the right to know what all this is about. "We have received new information." President Paylor says sorrowfully, "That possibly there is at least one faction remaining." As she speaks there is a large, shadowed face where the identities once were, the district beneath is listed as 2 and the letters instead of red are green and spell out ACTIVE. My breathing intensifies, as Paylor continues. "Maybe Devin didn't fully disclose all of the identities, maybe he didn't know, we can't be sure. What we do know is that any remaining member of this group must be eliminated or taken into custody, or they will do their best to destroy the new Panem that we all fought and bled to give birth to." As she finishes her statement a wave of foreboding seems to cloak the room. I hope that I am wrong.

Peeta is gripping my hand even tighter than I was gripping his and I begin to feel light-headed.

"This," President Paylor says dubiously "Is where you all come in." No one says a word, and so she continues "I need volunteers, to head into District 2, and find out if this group still exists. Possibly destroy their hideout. And I want you, at least one of you, to be the head of my new team." The room's silence actually surprises me. But I am suddenly fearfully protective of the two sitting on either side of me. Even if Gale did unintentionally bring about Prim's death, I still don't want him dead. Not now. Not after all we've been through. I am sure as anything that Peeta would never do it, seeing as how he is cutting off the circulation in my hand. And for once, for all, I refuse to volunteer. Refuse to play any more of these games. No, I will not do it. I and my mother and Peeta-and even Gale-will be safe. We will never again be touched by the pain and the violence of this or any other government's battles.

And when I hear his voice, it pains me to realize that I hadn't even considered him. His words match the same ones that I uttered, what seems like decades ago, throwing my life into a volatile tailspin.

"I volunteer." Haymitch says, and inside I scream.