It took more than a minute for Elliot's brain to start working again. What the hell was that? Whatever it was, it felt like flirting, and even with their current restrictions, he loved it.
The next time Olivia emerged, she was, disappointingly, fully clothed. She sat next to him and grabbed another muffin, like nothing out of the ordinary just happened. After swallowing her first bite of muffin she asked, "What are your plans for today?" She reached over and drank from his coffee mug.
He grinned at her obvious lack of boundaries this morning. "Lunch with Kathleen. She might want to just bring lunch here. I'm not sure yet. I haven't had a chance to talk to her. Would that be okay?"
Liv finished another bite of muffin before answering, "El, this is your place too, you don't need to ask. Your kids are always welcome here."
"I know," he admitted, "but I don't want to overstep. This is your place Liv. It's not like I'm paying rent or anything, so it's definitely 'your place'."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." He knew she was just placating him. "Anything else?" She drank more of his coffee.
He gave her a look of mock anger before stealing his coffee back, "Well I'm going to start by finishing my coffee." His eyes danced with mirth.
"Okay," she huffed, but grinned.
He hesitated before adding, "I have a call scheduled with my boss in Italy later." Another hesitation. "And I need to call Kathy later. I need to know what her plans are."
Olivia nodded while breaking up her remaining muffin. "Busy day," she commented.
"Yeah," he sighed. "It's going to be a long day." He said, knowing that this breakfast was going to be the best part of this day.
-000-
Kathleen decided to bring lunch to the apartment for all of them. Olivia was grateful to have at least one kid's support in all of this. Especially when the whole situation filled her with a complicated blend of guilt and gratitude. Damn. She probably needed another therapy appointment after all this.
She watched Elliot compulsively clean her kitchen, twice, before Kathleen arrived. She'd forgotten he was a nervous cleaner. Probably gave him some control over his environment or some shit like that.
The knock at the door startled Olivia. She wished it wouldn't do that, but her nervous system was still shot after this disaster. She scooted her chair back, but Elliot waved her to sit back down. "I'll get it."
Olivia heard the door open and bags drop to the ground. She stood up to see what happened, only to find a sobbing Kathleen hugged tightly to her father.
Liv quietly tiptoed over, and picked up the bags. She gave Elliot a 'take your time' look before taking the bags to the kitchen. She pulled the boxes of food from the bags and dig out some plates and utensils. After another minute Elliot, and a tear stained Kathleen made it into the kitchen. This time Kathleen sought a little more comfort with Olivia. Olivia hugged her tightly, her fingers pressed into her blonde hair. She was suddenly taken back to when this girl was just little, and the most complicated thing in her life was a skinned knee. Now, things were much less simple.
Kathleen withdrew and wiped some stray tears from her cheek, "I'm sorry. I'm just a hot mess, and I feel all alone in this."
Olivia gripped her hand, "Don't apologize. None of this is your fault." Love gulped back some emotion before continuing, "It's going to be hard on all of us until things are settled."
Liv took both Kathleen's hands in hers, "Let's eat before all this food gets cold and then you and your dad," she looked over to Elliot, "Can get everything worked out." She put a hand to Kathleen's cheek and wiped away a stray tear with her thumb. "We will get everything worked out," she reassured.
Kathleen nodded and took a step back. "I um," she wiped her tears back, "I grabbed some stuff from that deli I know you both like," her eyes looked back and forth between them, as she began opening boxes.
Lunch was relatively quiet. Elliot commented on the last time they went to the deli together, and that made things a little weird for everyone for a moment. They shared some small talk about Kathleen's job, and how things were going in general.
After they finished eating, Olivia stood in the corner of her living room, feeling a little awkward when Elliot and Kathleen sat on the couch. Maybe she could quietly retreat, and let them have an unobserved father daughter conversation.
As she tried to shuffle away, Kathleen's eyes flit up to hers. "You can stay Liv."
Olivia waved her off, "take some time with your dad." She tried to lighten the mood, "I get enough of him anyway."
Kathleen gave her a forced smile and Olivia retreated to her room. She dropped face down onto the bed she and Elliot shared last night, and tried to breathe through the stress. Her life was a mess. Elliot's life was a mess. And she wasn't sure how to fix it.
-000-
Elliot preferred Liv stay with them, but he was glad for the time to talk to Kathleen without worrying how the conversation might affect Olivia.
"Katie," he said affectionately, brushing some hair away from her face.
She burst into tears again, and all the worry tumbled out, "I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to do the right thing. It felt wrong, keeping it from you. I'm worried I just wrecked everything."
Elliot dropped an arm around her shoulder and shushed her softly. "Absolutely none of this was your fault." He continued, "I needed to be here, and I'm grateful you were brave enough to call me." He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. "Katie, I'm struggling with not being here when this mess happened in the first place. I would have never been able to forgive myself if I hadn't been here for this."
She nodded and wiped her face on the sleeve of her shirt. "I know, and that's why I called. I couldn't stand the thought of all this being worse for you," she glanced over to the closed bedroom door, "and for her." She sniffled. "I love Olivia dad. And I love mom too, but it's more complicated than that."
"I know." He squeezed her shoulder. "It always has been, and Olivia has always been a flashpoint between me and your mother."
Kathleen nodded. "I know." She leaned her head on her dad's shoulder. "Everyone is just so mad. They think I made all this happen on purpose, but I didn't." She leaned her head back up, "I really didn't want all this. I just wanted you to be okay, because I know you haven't been okay in a very long time."
Kathleen had always been so perceptive, and it didn't matter that there was an ocean between them, she seemed to understand him in a way none of the others did. She seemed to instinctively know what he needed, in spite of how complicated it all turned out to be. "Thanks baby."
"How did you guys let Dickie grow up into such an ass?"
"He the instigator of all this?" Of course he was. Dickie still seemed convinced that Olivia and his partnership was salaciously adulterous. Nothing Elliot said could talk him off of that.
"Yeah."
"Figures. I'll try talking to them, but I think it's going to take time."
"I know." Katie nodded. "Mom and Eli will be here the day after tomorrow."
"I'm going to try to call her today, but I'm not sure she will answer my calls right now."
Kathleen shrugged, "She's gotta eventually."
"I'm not so sure."
"She will once she cools down."
"We'll see." Elliot clenched his jaw slightly.
Kathleen unlocked her phone screen. "I gotta go to work."
Elliot hugged her tightly, "Come over whenever you want. This is going to be hard, but we need to all stick together the best we can."
"Okay." She smiled sadly as she shut the door behind her.
-000-
Elliot quietly opened the door in case Liv had fallen asleep, but she was awake. "Hey," he said gently.
She didn't move, just kept staring at the wall, but at least she responded to him, "Hey."
He took a couple steps toward the bed, "Are you okay?"
She sighed and sat up. "I want to say yes," her eyes downturned, "but you'd know it was a lie."
He sat next to her on the bed. "What's the worst of it today? What can I do?"
She shook her head, "Sometimes I just feel. I don't know. My life feels completely out of control, and I'm flailing around trying to get a grip on something. anything."
"I know the feeling."
She leaned her head on his shoulder, "I know." She lifted her head back up. "Is Kathleen okay?" She seemed buoyed up by the thought of helping someone else.
"She will be. The other kids are being pretty rough on her."
"I get it," he watched guilt flood Olivia's face.
He cupped her cheek. "I know you don't believe me, but this isn't on you, and they will come around. They're grown adults. They can survive their parents splitting."
"Yeah." Her voice still sounded guilty.
"Hey," her eyes found his, "I need to make a call to my boss in a few minutes, but after we can drown ourselves in that tub of ice cream I saw at the bottom of your freezer."
She smiled, "Not sure I should eat my problems, but that actually sounds great."
"Good." He kissed her forehead quickly. Even that small contact made her heart pound. "I'll make this call real quick and we will eat our problems together." He grinned.
She gave him an attempt at a smile, "Okay."
-000-
Olivia could hear Elliot negotiating with his boss over the phone. She hoped he wouldn't have to go back to Italy for any amount of time, but that might be too much to hope for. She hoped he could secure a position back here in New York, but she also knew that might not be possible, and she wasn't sure what to do if he had to leave her again.
After a lengthy phone call Elliot popped his head into her room. "Ice cream?"
She nodded and hopped off the bed to join him in the kitchen. After she sat in a barstool she asked, "How'd it go?" Her stomach turned nervously.
He had tracked down her ice cream scooper and began scooping the ice cream. "Pretty good. I mean not ideal, but better than I thought." He slid a bowl over to her, picked his up and came around the corner to sit next to her. "He said he would approve a New York transfer into counterterrorism. Because of the extenuating circumstances."
That made her stomach chill out for a sec, but she knew it wasn't all good news. "That's really good," she smiled.
"Yeah," he agreed. "It will make things so much easier with the divorce proceedings, custody agreements, and being with the kids." He focused a little more intently on his ice cream, "and you."
Her heart soared at that admission, and she couldn't help reaching over to lay her hand over his. "It's not all good though." She felt some massive hesitation. "I need to go back to Italy for two weeks. He wants me there in a couple days so I can finish up a couple loose ends on cases before making the transfer."
Her heart pounded and she felt a little sick. She knew he couldn't be here all the time and forever, but the thought of being alone terrified her. She didn't notice she was shaking until she felt his reassuring hand on her back, and his voice in her ear. "I'm right here. Take a couple breaths." She complied and her heart rate came down some. Lips still close to ear, "I'm not leaving you here alone. You can come with me, or I will talk to Amanda and she can stay here while I'm gone."
While the offer to take her to Italy was enticing, it wasn't a thing that "just friends" or "just roommates" did. "I can't go with you to Italy, El. It's too much. I want you to be here, but the rumor mill would catch on fire if I left the country with you."
"So?"
"I know your reputation isn't super important to you, but mine is. I can get away with a lot right now, because everyone thinks I'm unstable, but the higher ups will not look kindly on me going on some Italian vacation with a married man." He started to say something, but she further defended her position, "It's bad enough being on the force and being a woman. I have to care about these things."
He seemed to understand. "You aren't staying alone," she wanted to protest, but he cut her off. " Liv, you can't get through a day without jumping out of your skin, and you haven't slept through the night since I got here." He was right, but she hated the idea of a babysitter. "Look, have Rollins stay with you after work. Think of it as an extended girls night, or whatever the hell you call that kind of thing."
She considered his words, "Amanda has a life."
"Maybe, but I'm willing to bet she'd put it on hold to make sure you're okay." She knew he was right, but she still struggled with leaning on the people around her. Elliot was one thing, for some reason, even through all the shit he put her through, he was still her person. It felt natural and comfortable, leaning on him. But with others, it felt nearly impossible.
"If you're worried about asking her, I will."
"I mean I want to say I can do things myself, and all that independent shit, but I feel mentally exhausted and I would like for you to do that for me." He stood, pressed a kiss on her forehead, like it was the most natural thing in the world, before taking their empty bowls to the sink.
