Elliot had to mentally prepare for his phone call to Kathy. He wasn't sure what to expect and that fueled the fire of anxiety. He pulled her number up on his screen and stared at it.

"You know, it's not going to dial itself," Olivia had her arms crisscrossed, leaning on the couch back, and peeking over at his phone.

"I know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "It's just hard."

She thought for a moment. "Do you want me to sit with you or would that make it worse."

"I always want you to sit with me." Oof. That might have been too flirtatious, considering he was currently calling his wife. He clumsily tried to course correct, "Um, through stuff like this. I like your support." That was stupid, but she gracefully let it slide. "I just worry that Kathy won't play nice and I'm not sure you're up for anymore defamation of character."

She nodded. "What if I just pop in some headphones? I mean, I can sit by you and you guys can say whatever needs to be said."

"That's a good idea actually."

She scoffed at the actually, "When will you learn that I have all the good ideas?" Damn, it wasn't outright flirting but the way she said it…

He grinned but before he could come up with a response she was already in her room digging for her headphones. He smiled as it took her longer than expected. "Liv! They're in the top drawer of your nightstand!"

"No they're… oh wait you're right. How the hell did you know they were in there?" She came around the corner, popping one earbud in.

He shrugged, "Looking for chapstick."

"What!? God Elliot, don't you have any sense of personal boundaries?" She laid on the couch, using his thigh as a pillow. Boundaries huh.

"Hey," he grinned, "I'm not the one who trotted into the kitchen this morning in nothing but a towel…"

She shrugged like it was nothing, but he swore he could see a hint of amusement on her face. "I told you I was starving."

"Uh huh, sure."

She shot him a true smile before popping the other earbud in and turned up her music.

Elliot took a deep breath and it hit the call button. He knew this conversation was going to be nerve wracking, especially Olivia's head basically laying in his lap.

"Hello?"

Why did he feel like he was going to vomit? "Hey Kath."

He heard a frustrated sigh, "What do you want Elliot?"

"Well we can't just stop talking to each other. We have things to figure out. You can't just say 'I want a divorce' and it magically happens." His tone was a bit more angry than he intended.

She matched his tone. "I know that, but I definitely needed at least a few days to figure out what to do after my husband flew across the ocean to see his… partner." She said the last word like it was a bad taste in her mouth. She could have said 'mistress' and that would have felt less damning.

"Kath, come on. I couldn't leave her alone with this."

"Damn it Elliot. Don't you see? You can't EVER leave her alone. Ugh you probably don't even see it, if you haven't figured it out in 13 years."

His temper flared. "You know what? Whatever. I'm never going to win on this. I'm never going to convince you that nothing happened and nothing is happening. We tried. And honest to God I tried. I moved to a different continent, hoping it would calm the irrational jealousy, but apparently I was wrong." He groaned in frustration. "Look, I'm needed in Italy in a few days. I need to tie up some loose ends at work, I'll grab whatever's important to me then."

"Fine," her voice terse. "You're moving back then?"

"Yeah. Why would I stay? There's nothing for me there."

"You mean Olivia's not there."

"God, Kathy will you ever let up on that? I swear we are going to have to engrave that on your headstone."

"What?" She asked bitterly.

"Never going to be as good as Olivia. I swear I have heard that more than a million times."

"You're an ass. You know that right."

"So you tell me." He rubbed his hand across his forehead. "Look, Kath, I didn't call to fight. We've done enough over the years. If this is what you want then we can just use the papers from before. For the kids sake, let's make this as painless as possible."

She was quiet on the other end. "So we're really doing this." He could hear the emotion in her voice, and his heart clenched in return.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I think we are."

He heard her swallow back emotion. "Um, call me when you get to Italy. We're going to need to talk about, uh," she struggled with the next words as much as he did. "Custody of Eli."

Eli. The complication, the glue that patched them together for all these years. He felt his own tears welling up. How could he do this? He couldn't do this. But somewhere deep inside of him he knew it was time. He had to let go.

-000-

Olivia tried to ignore the conversation as much as possible. She kept her eyes closed, but she could feel how tense Elliot's entire body was. At some point she felt some stray tears drip on her forehead and she struggled to stay still until the conversation was finished.

When she felt Elliot toss his phone on the couch next to her she finally opened her eyes. He seemed to be far away from here. His fingers casually brushed through her hair that was now spread across his lap.

She popped her earbuds out and asked, "Everything go okay?" Obviously it didn't, but it was a place to start.

He rubbed his hand against his forehead, "I mean, what would be okay? None of this is okay."

Olivia bit her lip, not sure what to say.

"We fought like we always do," She didn't let him finish.

"About me." She hated that she was the reason his life was chaotic.

"Not just about you." He continued to brush his fingers through her hair, and the movement felt relaxing. "It was fine. What I expected even." He shook his head, "I kept it together until we started talking about custody of Eli." The tears were back. "This is not what I wanted. I wanted to keep my family together. I wanted to be there for Eli. I wanted more for him."

Oliva couldn't help reaching up to touch his face, "Eli will be okay. Kathy is upset, but she wouldn't keep him from you. With scheduled visitation times, he might actually see more of you." She tried to make it sound like a good thing, but it didn't exactly come out that way.

"It just feels impossible right now. Getting through all of this."

"I know the feeling," she admitted. She stared up at the ceiling. "

"This is the ending of the biggest, most important thing in my life, and I hate endings."

"Yeah I got that when you left without saying goodbye," she really didn't mean to throw that at him. Not now. Not when he already had so much to deal with right now. "Sorry, I didn't mean…"

He waved her off, "No you're right. It was an ending, and I couldn't deal with that. So I just left. Look how much I screwed that up. How much more am I going to screw this up?"

Olivia thought for a moment before answering, "Just stop thinking of it as an ending. You still have a family. Kathy will always be in your life. It's a change. You didn't destroy your family. They are still here, they still love you. You are just changing the way it looks, and how it functions. There will be growing pains, but it will be okay."

"Change is still hard."

"Well, Obviously." She rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, Liv."

"For what?" Her sarcasm?

"For trying to understand this, I guess. Things with us, whatever they will or won't be, hinge on all this, and I don't know, I think it would be hard to watch someone mourn the thing that keeps us apart."

"It's more complicated than that for me El." She lifted her head from his leg and sat up. "I know how important your family is to you. I know how much you tried to make your marriage work. This is not what I wanted for you."

"I figure I was marked from birth, from conception really. I'm a cosmic mistake, and life has a way of beating the happiness out of me." She shrugged, downplaying how much this problem constantly affects her. "I resigned myself to never being completely happy, if you could be happy. Happiness isn't in the cards for me but I want it to be for you."

"That's pretty messed up Liv."

"I know."

"You can't be the sacrifice made to the universe to ensure my happiness." His arm draped around her shoulder. His next words came out as a breathy whisper, "And you aren't some cosmic mistake." He brushed his lips against her temple. "If anything, you're the beauty and goodness meant to balance out the way you came to the world."

She leaned her head against his shoulder, not even trying to stop the tears freely flowing down her cheeks.

He lifted her face tip to his before pressing his forehead against her. "The world is better because you're in it. My world is better with you in it."

Her breath caught. He was so close to her. It would take no effort at all to kiss him, but she worried if she kissed him, it wouldn't stop at that. She ripped herself away, effectively putting space between them.

He seemed surprised at her sudden departure out of his space, and didn't say anything while she settled herself cross legged on the other side of the couch.

"Elliot, um." Why was this awkward? They both worked sex crimes. This shouldn't be weird. "I think if we are going to live with each other we probably need to set some boundaries," her eyes lifted to his, "at least for now."

"For now," he said slowly.

"Yeah. I'm just going to come out and say all of this, because I'll probably not say anything and then I'd be screwed, literally."

He smiled at her joke, obviously understanding where this conversation was going.

"I'm not sleeping with you until your divorce is finalized."

"Technically you already slept with me twice."

"You're an idiot. You know what I mean."

"I do, and I obviously agree." He was enjoying this too much, "continue."

"We're us, and we have managed to stay non-physical for years, but that flew out the window when you came back." She gave him a side eye.

He rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah we are definitely out of practice." He turned back to her, "We are on the same page with that Liv."

"Okay. I know, but I don't want to assume, and I just want this to be right and you've gone back to Kathy before and I don't want to be completely broken if that happens," she was rambling.

"Woah woah, slow down." Both his hands gripped her upper arms. "Breathe."

She tried to slow herself down, and focus on breathing.

He palmed her cheek and she leaned into the comfort. "Olivia," he breathed, "I could never do that to you." His eyes dropped, "You have to know I would never sleep with you and then leave you. I couldn't ever do that."

"We'll see," she shrugged. She didn't want to make him feel worse, but he needed to know where she stood.

He seemed a little disturbed by her response. His brow furrowed and he asked, "Do you think I'll leave you again?"

Her eyes dropped to her hands, "Maybe. I mean, El, I didn't expect you to leave the first time. I want to hope you won't leave again, but I in no way know that you won't leave me." She picked at an imaginary piece of lint on the couch. "I'm worried she'll change her mind, and you will go right back, and I'll be alone. Like always."

She felt his eyes on her, but she couldn't meet his gaze. She felt his hand take hers.

"I'm not leaving," his voice was low, "and I know it's going to take time, but I hope one day you'll trust me."

She lifted her eyes to his. "I hope so too."

Thank you for your comments! I love hearing from you! It makes this whole process rewarding. Also, I don't hate Kathy...it might feel like it in this piece lol