"It's just a half day, El. I'm going to be fine." She wanted to add that she managed to get to work after the abduction and she could surely do it after the trial, but she held her tongue. In all honesty she was grateful. It felt nice to have him care. It was a far cry from two years of silence.
He walked her to the doors of the precinct. "I'll pick you up at 1?" His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and he shifted his weight nervously.
"Yeah." She turned to leave but turned back to reassure him, "I'm gonna be fine. Relax." She gave him the most reassuring smile she could muster.
"Okay," she felt his eyes follow her into the building.
As the doors shut behind her she felt the weight of his absence. She hated how much of her happiness was tied to him. She realized that even if he left now, she would be destroyed. Her stomach flipped in anxiety at the thought, and she let out a slow breath. She had this. She could do this day.
-000-
Before ten she was swimming in paperwork. She knew she wasn't ready for the field, but paperwork was a bitch. Amaro dropped a coffee on her desk, and for a moment, things felt close to normal. She still felt eyes on her all the time, but at least people weren't treating her like she might break.
About two hours into the stack of paperwork Amanda wandered over to her desk and leaned against it. "So Stabler just called."
Liv didn't even look up, "Making sure I didn't have a nervous breakdown?"
"Yeah, and to ask me to stay with you while he's in Italy."
She looked around, making sure no one else was actively listening. "Would that be okay," she asked tentatively. "I'm sure it's no secret he's staying with me. Fin saw him there so I'm sure half the precinct knows."
Amanda grimaced, "Yeah sorry about that."
Olivia waved her off, "Nothing new."
"Anyway, I wanted to make sure that's what you wanted."
"It is." Olivia really hated this, but she hated being alone more. "He leaves tomorrow afternoon." Olivia hesitated. She was not one to overshare… or share in general, but Amanda had been amazing through this disaster, and she deserved a little trust. "The trial has me pretty triggered. Being by myself, especially at night," she hesitated again, "it's been rough."
She felt Amanda touch her arm, "It's okay. I'd be happy to stay. Do you care if Frannie hangs with us? I'd leave her home, but I don't want her to be neglected."
Honestly a dog might make her feel more secure. "Yeah, that would be great. Bring her over tomorrow night."
"Great." Amanda shot hee a genuine smile. "I got ya Liv. It's okay to need help."
She felt tears threatening her eyes but she blinked them back, "Thanks."
-000-
Elliot met up with the captain over counterterrorism, and the meeting went well. He felt he could easily integrate into their department. As he left the building he realized he needed to get a better idea of Kathy's plans. He would really like to see Eli.
E: Remind me when your flight comes in. I was hoping to see Eli.
K: Tomorrow morning.
E: I fly out tomorrow afternoon. Could we meet up for lunch?
K: I don't know, the flight sucks and I know we'll be tired.
E: Come on. I'm asking for 20 minutes to see Eli before I need to leave him for another two weeks.
K: That's fine.
E: Thanks. Call me when you land.
-000-
Olivia pushed through the doors of the precinct doors at 1:05pm and Elliot was waiting near the doors.
"Hey," she greeted.
"Hey," he smiled, and it brightened her mood. She was happy to be at work again, but work was heavy.
"You eat lunch?" he asked, before taking her bag from her so he could carry it.
"Nah. I figured my old partner could scrounge something up for me."
"Yeah, I got ya Benson." He grinned, and she smiled back, and for a minute it felt like no time had passed between them, and they were just them. Benson and Stabler.
-000-
After lunch they ran a couple errands, picking up a few miscellaneous things Elliot needed for his trip. With each passing hour her stomach knotted tighter. By dinner she was far too anxious to eat.
She pushed her food around her plate, knowing Elliot's eyes were on her, and she could sense his concern radiating from across the table. She finally gave up on eating, and took her plate to the sink. The echoing silence of the evening was unnerving. Without saying anything she laid on the couch and wrapped her arms around her middle. She knew everything was fine. Everything should be fine. Lewis was in prison. Elliot was here, and even though he was leaving, he would be back. Still, the walls of her apartment felt like they were closing in on her. Her mind was lost in a swirl of memories of the days after Elliot left, and the days of hell with Lewis, and none of it was good.
She hadn't heard Elliot approach, and she nearly jumped when he touched her arm. His brow furrowed with concern, and she knew he was going to ask if she was okay, and obviously she wasn't, but she didn't want to make this trip worse for him.
As expected he asked, "Are you okay? What's going on?"
"My stomach has been hurting, but it's no big deal. Maybe lunch didn't settle well or something." She avoided eye contact. He probably knew she was lying, but her eyes would betray her, and she wanted him to drop it.
His hand rested on her forehead, "You aren't warm or anything." He looked her over, and she realized she was drenched in sweat. So much for hiding any of this.
"I'm okay. Just sick I think. Maybe I need to go to bed." He nodded, but his face told her he wasn't going to drop it.
He reached for her arm and she resisted the urge to swat him away. She felt a complicated desire for independence, but also a deep need to cling to his presence. It was a push and pull, sometimes it differed one minute to the next.
He pulled her up from the couch, and she knew he wanted to hold her hand, but she began walking away and he let his hand drop. She only made it halfway down the hall before needing to stop and grip her stomach again. Damn. Maybe this wasn't anxiety. The quiet rumble of nausea crept to her chest and retreated.
Elliot rushed to her side to steady her, and she felt like she was making a huge deal out of nothing so she pushed him away, "I'm okay. Just a little dizzy, but I'm fine."
From the look on his face she knew her words did not disway his concern. He took a step back, giving her some breathing room, but when she attempted to walk his hand ghosted her back. She wanted to glare and tell him she was fine, but she knew she wasn't fine. Her insides were such a tangled mess she didn't know whether her anxiety was causing this pain or if her body was going to pieces.
Elliot helped her to bed, and she gratefully snuggled under the weight of her comforter. Even the light pressure of her comforter soothed her fried nervous system, allowing the tightening of her stomach to somewhat abate.
Elliot stood there looking like he wasn't quite sure what to do, but he eventually flipped the lights off and retreated from the room. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. As if such a thing were possible.
Elliot left the door open, and she smiled, knowing he did that so he could hear her if she needed anything. Her life. A complicated push and pull. Independence and connection. Fear and hope. She never quite knew where she'd fall.
-000-
Olivia awoke in the dark, still wearing her work clothes. She groaned and fumbled for her phone. 2:23am.
"Ugh." Her stomach still clenched into itself, but it was at least tolerable. She sat up and flipped her legs off her bed and nearly landed on a soundly sleeping Elliot.
He laid on her floor with his arm up over his head. He managed to find a pillow. He had a blanket draped loosely around him, tucked around his waist still allowing a perfect view of his bare chest.
She carefully stepped around him, and pulled her dresser drawers open to find something to sleep in. She snagged her pajamas and found her way to the bathroom in the dark. She quickly changed and washed her face before digging through her medicine cabinet for some antacid to chill out her stomach.
She passed back to her bed, again stepping around the hulk of a man sleeping on her floor.
His back would hate him in the morning. She bit her lip nervously. She wanted to pull him to bed, but she wasn't sure it was a good idea. She could wake him up and send him to the couch, but she knew he would fight her on it. He could have fallen asleep on the couch, but chose the floor to make her feel better. Their early talk about boundaries flew out the window when she stroked his arm. "El."
"Ermm," he grumbled.
She tugged on his hand. "Get up here. I'm not letting you sleep on the floor."
He sat up, but his eyes weren't open. She pulled on his hand again and he stood enough to flop over onto her side of the bed.
Whatever. She tossed the comforter over him and slid to the otherside of the bed, attempting to put some distance between them. Her eyes closed, but sleep evaded her. A combination of insomnia, and the breathing from the other side of her bed kept her awake. She noticed her stomach pain had eased up, and she didn't want to analyze why.
She listened to Elliot's even breathing and tried to match the rhythm. In. Out. Slowly her mind calmed, her body relaxed, and she was able to fall back asleep.
-000-
Elliot awoke feeling disoriented. He remembered falling asleep on the floor, but now he laid in Olivia's bed. He rolled and saw her sleeping soundly on the other side. She looked perfect with her hair spread across her pillow, and face relaxed in sleep. It took all his self control to refrain from moving closer. Boundaries he reminded himself.
He rolled onto his back and let out a long breath. No part of him looked forward to today. He had to meet with Kathy, leave Olivia, and endure a horribly long flight to get to a place he didn't even want to be.
Two weeks. How was he supposed to leave her here for two weeks? He knew she'd done life without him, and she could do this, but the idea of leaving her physically hurt. He wished he could have convinced her to just come with him, to take a break from her life for a while, but she was adamant. She wanted her life to settle and she couldn't settle if she was in Italy with him.
He turned when he heard her shift in her sleep, rolling over to face him. Her eyes fluttered open, and her thoughts seemed to mirror his. Neither wanted to love this day.
He hated the necessary distance between them right now, when all he wanted to do was hold her tight and never let go. He reached his arm out, hoping to hold her hand, but she grasped his arm and pulled herself into his chest.
"I don't want you to go," she whispered.
"I don't want to go," he answered.
He pressed a light kiss into her hair, desperately wishing all of this was over and they could just be. He held her for a few minutes, savoring the warmth of her body against his. "How's your stomach?" He asked, lips wisping against her hair.
"Dull ache," she responded, pressing her cheek into his chest.
"Are you working a full day today?" He whispered.
"Yeah. Amanda wants to drive home with me. We'll stop and grab Frannie before heading to my apartment."
Elliot pulled away from her slightly, "Frannie?"
Olivia chuckled. "Amanda's dog."
"Oh, I didn't know she had a dog."
"Yeah Frannie is her extra 'security'. She had a couple incidents, and Frannie helped her feel safe again."
He brushed a pseudo kiss into her hair, "Maybe we just need to get you a dog, then I might become obsolete."
Her deep brown eyes bore into his, "For me," her hand was suddenly on his cheek, "you will never be obsolete."
He leaned into her touch before sliding away, putting some space between them. "Let's get going," he prompted.
She nodded and rolled off the bed, giving him one more wistful glance before shutting herself in the bathroom.
