"Why are you acting so civil to me?" I asked bluntly, looking at the older man who was watching us silently from the porch.
It had been a few days since our spat and ever since then, a lot of changes happened that I honestly didn't quite anticipate.
And one of those changes was Rengoku Senior oddly taking a keen interest in our training regime — both mine and the stooges'.
"What do you mean?" He asked off-handedly as he took a sip of his tea — I was quite thankful that he had finally given up bringing his alcohol since around the second day. That was definitely a bad influence on the kids and I didn't want it anywhere near them.
"You know what I mean, Rengoku-sama," I tilted my head almost sassily as I replied, "I thought we didn't reach your mark of talent and would have been driven out of the Estate by today or so."
"I never said I would do that." It amused me how he avoided my gaze when he said that.
"Ah, so Ren-senpai stopped you, didn't he?"
"I'm telling you I didn't say anything about it!" he finally turned to look at me, his eyes glaring at me without any real heat behind them.
It was truly strange how much Rengoku Senior changed in the past few days — especially considering how he didn't yell or scream at us whenever he saw us anymore. Instead, he just silently watched us with his tired, observant eyes.
Which was something infinitely worse, according to Senjuro and Zenitsu.
I suppressed a smile as I remembered those two's reaction last time; they both seemed very proud but disapproving (at the same time?) of my spat with the old man — an odd combination if you ask me, but amusing nonetheless as I was nagged to hell and back to stay away from the 'drunkard.'
That was a very different thing that the said 'drunkard' seemed to seek us on his own the very next day — going as far as watching us train (and I, meditate) silently while almost everyone glared at him for simply sitting there.
Thankfully enough, everyone was used to his presence now; and since he only silently observed us, no one commented or interacted with him much.
Except, well, me.
"Glad to hear that," I smiled at him genuinely, "But honestly, why are you behaving so... docile with us? We genuinely thought you were sitting here to pick a fight with us or point out our flaws but instead, you just sit here and observe us, for some odd reason."
"I won't do that!" Rengoku Senior huffed before slumping back to his tired position, "I know none of you wants to trust me but I am simply just sitting here because—"
"—Because you are bored?" I smiled when he made a face at me, "And we are interesting? I mean, I won't disagree with you if you say that."
"You talk a lot of nonsense for someone doing nothing but sitting around for the past three days."
And that was another thing that changed — I and Rengoku Senior's spats turned into (playful?) banters, if you could call them that.
Since our last yelling match, we both somehow developed an odd relationship where he taunted me openly and I quipped back just as unashamedly — none of us actually looking to pick a fight but still walking on the thin line of respect and disrespect.
Especially in my case as I very often called him out and sassed him back without any hesitation; well, there was some hesitation in the beginning but once I noticed that he (oddly enough) didn't mind, I stopped holding back.
Much to Senjuro and Tanjiro's horror, unfortunately. Ren-senpai was amused as hell though.
I chuckled at his taunt as I stood up to refill his cup with tea, "That's true, but what can I do if the only thing I currently need is meditation, hm?"
"You are just making excuses." He off-handedly quipped back, making me nod as he wasn't technically wrong. I mean, I was coming here to literally talk to him, not exactly to train, so he wasn't wrong.
"Well," I shrugged, "If Ren-senpai, who is the one actually training me, doesn't mind, then I don't think anyone else's opinion matters."
That quietened him down real quick as he looked away. Thinking that the topic was dropped, I took my position on the porch and tried to meditate again.
Emphasis on the word 'tried'.
"He is not training you right then," Rengoku Senior said out loud a while later, making me contemplate if I should reply to him or just ignore him in favour of my meditation, "Can't expect much from him on this anyway."
Well, that sure made my decision easier.
"I agree," I didn't bother to open my eyes as I took a deep breath and expanded my reach, "After all, how would he know how to train someone when there was no one to guide him in the first place? I mean, look how he tried to train Kanroji-san as his successor and ended up making her into a Hashira with a completely different and new breath style than his."
"...You do know how to insult people in a backhanded way, huh kid?" I had to suppress the incoming smirk on my face as I heard him reply after a pause.
"Travelling alone for years will do that to you, Rengoku-sama."
"Travelling alone?" I could hear the frown in his voice as I took another deep breath to relax my posture, "Why would you...?"
"Mm, was a travelling doctor before becoming a slayer," I explained briefly, "Not that I wanted to be a slayer in the first place."
"And why is that?"
"Don't have the talent for it." I could feel the look he fixed at me at that, "Don't worry, I'm not taunting you this time — I genuinely don't have the affinity to be a demon slayer, especially considering how delicate my body is."
"But you said you faced two Demon Moons?" His voice sounded a little odd as I couldn't place the emotion he was portraying through his tone, "How did you do that if your body was 'weak'?"
"Well," I took another deep breath before replying, "I was working with other slayers — the three boys there and Ren-senpai. Not to mention, I said I only 'faced' the Demon Moons, not that I defeated them; because I wasn't the one who did that."
There was a pause in our conversation as I waited for his reply, feeling oddly anxious while I took another deep breath to calm myself down.
"Why do you call your body weak?" Rengoku Senior finally asked, making me frown as I wondered why he was suddenly so curious about this.
"Well," I thought about how to explain it to him, "This body of mine doesn't have much strength — not even enough to cut the head of a demon unless I risk damaging my wrist further, which already has a semi-disability that causes me pain... occasionally."
I shrugged as I decided to explain further, "It's not actually that serious of a pain but I've been told it can become severe if I treat it carelessly. Add to that my fu— uh, my extremely bad vision that I got due to my last mission, and I'm essentially useless. A liability if you may call it."
"...I never thought I'll hear you say that."
"Eh?" I opened my eyes and turned to the older man as I thought I heard him wrong, "You never thought what?"
"That after yelling at me about how I shouldn't talk like that about others," His frowning expression fixed at me as he continued, "You'll say all that about yourself. Do your defence and respect only extend towards others?"
"Well," I shrugged carelessly, "It's not like there was any lie in what I said. I mean, my body is strange with my blood and all."
"Hm?," Rengoku Senior interrupted me as he looked at me with a bewildered expression, "Strange blood? What do you mean by that? Also, you previously mentioned damaging your eyes in the last mission — what did you mean by that? I thought you can see well?"
I didn't exactly appreciate so many questions being asked so suddenly, but still decided to answer him as briefly as I could — it wasn't like it would do me any harm anyway.
Lord, was I wrong.
"You are a Dokuchi?" I hated how keenly he was looking at me currently, now that he knew more about my blood, "And a slayer? Wouldn't it have been safer—"
"—for me to be a Kakushi than fight in the frontlines? Maybe," I leaned back, noticing how we were suddenly sitting in a position where we were facing each other directly, "But that wouldn't have helped the Demon Slayer Corps much either; I mean, hiding me away as their ultimate weapon hardly sounds beneficial. Won't it be more useful to have me fight in the field and use that poison blood of mine?"
"Did Oyakata-sama say that to you?"
"No?" I gave him a strange look that he returned with a frown, "As if he would say it directly. Though, he did ask me to be a Slayer first before offering me to be a Kakushi when—"
I quickly shut myself up when I realized what I was gonna blurt out, making Rengoku Senior's frown deepen as he too realized that I was hiding something.
"When what?"
"Nothing," I smiled at him as I got up; it was better to leave the place before I blurted out something I shouldn't or insult him too much, "It's not something that I can let someone who is no longer affiliated with the Demon Slayer Corps know."
"Is that so?" I quite disliked how similar his red-gold eyes were to his sons yet somehow made me feel more uncomfortable than I'd ever been under their gaze, "Or are you trying to hide the reason why you voluntarily hide your worth from others?"
My heart thundered at his question; there's no way he would know that I know the future, right? He meant it in a different way, right?
'Calm down,' I took a deep breath and turned to glower at him, 'There's no chance he would, stop being paranoid, Miyasha. Ofcourse,hemeantitdifferently, what is wrong with me?'
"As if I have any 'worth' that you speak of, in comparison—"
"Don't try to deflect, kid—"
"Look," I firmly called out as I suddenly felt cornered, taking a deep breath before continuing "While I do appreciate our conversations, this is not something I wish to discuss. All I can say is that what you assume is inaccurate and I would rather prefer if you refrain from making such assumptions in the future, thank you."
I looked around myself as I felt someone's eyes on me; my gaze soon met Ren-senpai's, who was watching our interaction silently from the yard.
He nodded to me once, almost as if telling me that he is here if I needed him.
"It's quite hypocritical of you to hide away your actual potential and talk about saving lives to me," Rengoku Senior called me out mercilessly, making me almost flinch at the truth behind his words as he continued, "Is this how you dedicate yourself to the Corps?"
"As I said before," I kept my voice stable and devoid of any emotions as I met his gaze head-on, "The assumption you are making is inaccurate. I have no such potentialthat you presumably speak of and while I do have my flaws, it does not makes me ineligible to show you the error of your ways — especially when those are hurting the ones you should hold dear."
I turned to look at Ren-senpai who looked at us with a very alarmed expression but didn't take a step to actually interrupt us — almost as if he was giving me a chance to handle it myself, which I really appreciated.
"Stop talking as if you know everything, kid." The warning in his tone was clear, "Don't talk as if you have any authority to say that to me."
"You are right, I don't know much about all this to make that comment," I took in another deep breath before meeting his gaze, realising that his expression was more serene than shadowed by anger, "But I do know that the way you are behaving is very unbecoming of you, Rengoku-sama. Especially considering how much I've heard about you from your son as well as Oyakata-sama."
The beat of silence that passed after that was louder than anything I'd ever heard as we stared at each other silently.
"You..." Rengoku Senior's gaze lowered as he rubbed his face with a wry smile, "You are naive, kid. You don't know how much, how useless we are in front of those demons. So much so that we celebrate simply coming back alive from facing an Upper Demon Moon."
The hopelessness in his voice sounded more painful than I expected it to be as he continued tiredly, "Talent, skill, power — those are the only things that give us any remote chance to even come back alive from those unholy creatures. And only a few have that, kid. Only a few lucky ones like you can repel those demons with only your blood."
"Is that how it looks?" I chuckled as the irony of his words dawned on me, "Seriously? You think Ihave an advantage over demons? Because of my blood? Don't make me laugh."
My chuckles grew into a full belly laugh as I weaved my hand through my hair, my eyes finding the older red-gold ones as I stared him down, "How short-sighted of you, former Hashira-sama. Do you honestly think giving up is the answer to such adversity?"
"No," he answered honestly, "But what else do you suggest? Keep fighting another thousand years in vain?"
"Or else what?" I huffed a laugh before replying, "We literally are the only one stopping those demons from dragging the rest of the humans to hell. In fact, we already are in hell with how high the frequency of their attacks is — then why stop here? Why not drag it to the end of hell and push our way out of it by keep fighting them until we find the solution?"
I finally allowed my body to relax as I continued, "Look, I know what I am saying sounds nothing more than a few optimistic words spoken by a naive child, but that's the only answer I can give you. Or anyone can give you, honestly. Giving up hope is only the easier way out; I mean, literally, you are implying that the demons should be allowed to wreak havoc arbitrarily, without any obstructions or restrictions."
The silence that followed was heavy but somehow breathable as we stared at each other, giving me the hope that maybe, just maybe, my words were reaching him.
"I know I don't have any authority to say this to you," I decided to make the final push, "In fact, the only thing I have that makes me say all this to you is the audacity of a slayer who wouldn't have seen the light of the day were it not for your son stepping in to save me — almost sacrificing himself in the process despite knowing how hopeless that action might be."
I smiled at him, "What do you think? You are the only one who knows how hopelessness feels? Of course not — I bet the other Hashiras do too, since even the slayers do as well when they face demons regularly or when they clean up the leftover corpses of those who they failed to save. After all, we can't reach everyone but that doesn't mean giving up on those who we can reach."
"It is easier said than done," Rengoku Senior leaned ahead as he finally replied, "With the breath styles we have currently, we can hardly even stand a few demons — these are just watered-down versions of the original one."
"Yes, and?" I could see where he was coming from, but... "The motto is to save people regardless of breath styles; and while I do understand your point about the strength decreasing with branching off, we can still compensate for it with proper techniques and enough effort."
"Effort has its limit in this world, kid."
"And so do those demons," I pointed out bluntly, feeling tired myself as my shoulders drooped, "They might be hard to kill, but not to fight. One can use their weaknesses to overpower them if they plan ahead."
"You'll need to know the future for that then."
I froze as he pointed that out, making me realize how right he was — it was easier for me to say all this while doing whatever I wanted because I knew what was going to happen.
I had the unfair advantage that I wasn't even using.
"Is that how you see it?" I asked out loud, my eyes meeting Rengoku Senior's as he looked at me with a neutral expression, "Is that how you brush off the strengths and smarts of other people? In the name of talent?"
The prolonged silence that followed after that made my head ache — this whole conversation made my head ache and body tired. I was not a person who liked confrontations like this and with such a long-going one, it was even more tedious and painful.
In the end, the conversation was abruptly ended there as Rengoku finally decided to interrupt us; his eye gleamed with a strange emotion that made me question his intentions but I ignored it regardless — I didn't have enough energy to do any more psychoanalysis.
I was done for the day; maybe even the whole week.
"I'm sorry, Miyasha," Rengoku said once he took his father inside and approached me back in the yard, "And thank you."
I stared at him for a while before shaking my head, "It's the least I could do, senpai."
"I would rather prefer if you don't do that in the future!" His wry tone made me chuckle, "But I am no one to stop you! So, please never do this without me present there, alright?"
"I'll keep that in mind, senpai."
"Aneki."
I gulped fearfully as I was crowded by the three slightly taller (but still younger) slayers as they looked at me with varying looks of disappointment and exasperation.
'You're an adult, Miyasha!' I tried convincing myself as I smiled at them awkwardly while trying to build up my courage, 'A professional adult! Get your grip together and talk—'
"Y-Yes?"
"Is that all you have to say?!" Zenitsu loudly scolded me, making me shrink as I gave him a sheepish smile, "I told you not to talk to that old drunkard but you still kept talking to him!"
"Even insulting and taunting him!" Tanjiro added, making Zenitsu and Inosuke nod in agreement.
"Exactly! Do you seriously want to start a fight?!"
"No, but—"
"What do you mean by 'no, but'?!" Zenitsu interrupted me none so kindly as he continued without any hesitation, "Do you have any idea how much you worry us? What if that drunkard had thrown you out? Or worse — attacked you? You do remember he is a Former Hashira, right?"
"I do," I softly replied so as to not anger them any further, "But, first of all, he no longer drinks as much as he did before."
"How do you trust him on that?!"
"Well, because Ren-senpai told me so," that quietened them down real quick, "Either way, I would like to say sorry, but I don't regret doing what I did, so I'll only apologize for making you worry."
"Aneki..." Tanjiro sighed as he tugged Zenitsu and Inosuke, telling them to sit down, "Please sit down. And please understand that we worry about you — Rengoku-san... I know he is not a bad person but the way he is, it's hard to stop being that way so suddenly just because of a few words said by someone."
"I know, trust me," I was almost begging at this point as I sat down on the bed, "It's just, this is something I have to do."
"What do you have to do and why do you have to?" Inosuke asked seriously, "Who told you to do this, huh?"
Well, now that was a question I couldn't answer, can I now?
"Ino, dearie, it's not like that—"
"Then why are you doing it?" Zenitsu interrupted me again as I made a face at him for doing so, "Why can't someone else do it? Ask Rengoku-aniki to talk his father out of it. You just leave them alone and focus on us."
I sighed and rubbed my face before looking at the three stooges again; their stubborn expressions making me feel even more tired as I tried to think what to say next — how to convince them not to worry.
'They are worrying as if I've never been outside,' I made a face at that thought, 'Or even lived alone. Trying to protect me from things I already faced—'
It was then I realized that this was their response. They were telling me, quite expressly, that they weren't afraid to fight on my behalf, to protect me if they needed to.
And if needed, they would even go against my wishes to protect me, even when it means being in my bad graces.
It honestly touched my heart and made me feel warm — a feeling I still wasn't quite used to still, as I straightened my back and looked at them in earnest.
It was wrong of me to brush their earnest worries so carelessly like this; while what I am doing is necessary, what they were asking of me was done so with no less sincerity.
'When did my life turn into a slice of life anime from the action-fantasy genre it was supposed to be, huh?' I thought wryly, 'At this point, I would honestly just like to register a complaint against whoever is writing it.'
"Alright," I took a deep breath, "I won't engage with Rengoku-sama anymore."
I could see the relief in their eyes, making me feel a little guilty about how I was about to break it, "But," it was funny how their looks immediately changed into ones with doubt, "If he approached me, I won't ignore him — I mean, it would be rude if I did, to be honest. So, how about it?"
The three shared a look among themselves before turning to me, "How about you stay back for a few days?" Zenitsu suggested hesitantly, "I mean, with what happened today—"
"Avoiding him won't be helping me either, Itsu dearie," I fixed him with a look, "I know you are worried, and I acknowledge your worries, but please do understand that I am not that incompetent to not be able to handle these things."
"We didn't mean to insult you, Aneki," Tanjiro instantly replied, "We just don't want you to be in the harm's way... again."
Well, that sure did make me feel guilty.
"You three are too good to me, y'know?" I smiled as I reached to pat them, making Inosuke instantly jump to get near me.
"We only act that way because you care for us the same!" Tanjiro smiled as he said that, his eyes shining with mirth as he looked at Inosuke acting like a lovable idiot — which was not exactly a new thing as that's how Inosuke had been acting since I got injured after the Train arc.
Zenitsu, meanwhile, didn't appreciate the push Inosuke gave him unintentionally while jumping to get to me — thus, taking it upon himself to call names at him and poke him away from me.
Which was quite a wasteful effort in itself as that only ended up with Inosuke trying to bodyslam him before ending up jumping on the bed during the whole chaos — right on top of me.
"Oof!" I huffed as I removed the boar mask of his on my face, "Stop it, you babies! You'll break the bed like this—"
"Oi! Listen to Aneki, you moron!"
"Then stand still and face me, Monitsu!"
"Zenitsu, Inosuke, sto—!" Tanjiro toppled over as Zenitsu landed on him after Inosuke slammed him down from the bed, "Oomph!"
A wave of laughter escaped my lips as I watched them from the corner of the bed I had folded myself into; my laughter soon increased in volume as they attempted to get out of the tangle of limbs with no less struggle than one would make to climb an enormous mountain.
"I'm glad our pain makes you laugh, Aneki!" Zenitsu taunted, making my dying laughter revive again.
"Thanks for your sacrifice, dearest!"
"Ugh—!"
Ah, what a bunch.
I remember once thinking how ironic my life as Miyasha was. In fact, I even believed that my life was nothing but a comic-relief side plot that God made so to get a good laugh out of, now and then.
Well, with how my life was currently progressing, it looked like I was right.
"Do you honestly believe that effort and individual strengths can trump talent?" Rengoku Senior asked me seriously as he stood there, blocking my and the stooges' path when we were just about to enter the yard.
Even I could feel the heat of the stares the three behind me gave him — how the hell was he not getting awkward with this amount of tension in the air?
"Well, yes," I answered stiffly but honestly, "I stand by everything I told you yesterday, Rengoku-sama."
"Then prove that to me."
"Eh?"
"Then prove me whatever you claimed yesterday, Sarota," Rengoku Senior repeated as his eyes swiftly scanned the expression of everyone present there, "And let me teach you."
"Yo-You'll train me?" I couldn't help but stutter in surprise while the trio beside me grunted out at the suddenness of all this.
I mean, who could blame them.
"If you want, yes," he patiently waited for my answer, "You have the whole day today to think about it — consider it carefully and find me by tomorrow, alright?"
"...alright."
It wasn't until I was sitting on the porch did the chaos ensued; with the trio busy trying to convince me not to train under him and Ren-senpai appearing all confused at the scene, my mind disconnected itself from the situation and tried to think in a little more detached manner.
Would it be beneficial for me to train under him? Well, most likely — since he is a Former Hashira and a very strong one at that.
Would it cause ripples to the already messed up plot? Of course, it would, considering how I had already messed things up while trying to correct them. And well, I was way past the point of caring too, so it doesn't matter.
But, does that mean I should train under him? Well, that was a question I wasn't quite sure how to answer, unfortunately.
I mean, while it did look like a very alluring opportunity, I wasn't quite sure if I had the ability or even the proper fighting style to train under him — I mean, strictly speaking, my whole breathing style and aura-sensing is a completely different (even opposite) aspect than the Flame Breathing that he might teach.
So, would it be wise for me to join knowing that there might be very less I could actually learn from him?
"Miyasha?"
"Hm?" I blinked rapidly as Rengoku's voice broke me out of my thoughts, making me silently question how it was so quiet when the trio were wreaking havoc just a few minutes ago
"Are you alright?" His single red-gold eye fixed on me as his face twisted into a worried expression, the sunlight hitting his eyepatch just the right way to make it shine a little while making him look like a beautiful sculpture, "Would you like me to talk to my father?"
"Uh, no," I was baffled by his suggestion as I looked at him earnestly, "Ren-senpai, you don't need to worry about this — your father just, he just asked to teach me and he was very polite about it, trust me. Please don't take the trio's word too seriously."
Rengoku shook his head, "You don't have to defend him just because he is my father, Miyasha!"
"I'm not!" I cried out as I turned to him completely, "Trust me, senpai — you know I'm not someone who lies like this, right? Your father has been very civil to me almost every time we talked. In fact, it was me who poked fun at him every time, being disrespectful like a jerk."
I sighed as my shoulders slumped, "Please don't give up on him — at least not you."
"I'm not," it was strange hearing his usually cheerful voice being so serene, "I am just worried for you."
"You don't need to be!"
"Well," he gave me a wry smile as stared me in the eyes, "Since you don't worry about yourself at all, someone has to, right?"
"Senpai..." I fixed him with a look at which he only huffed a laugh.
"I won't stop you from doing what you want!" Rengoku finally said as he got up from the porch, "But if you need help in anything, or if you would like me to deliver your message to him, then don't hesitate! Please."
"I... thank you, senpai."
"That's all I can do, after how much you have helped me!" he shrugged before turning away.
"Eh, what?" He left me there confused as I looked at his retreating back, noticing how the trio kept sneaking glances at me before Rengoku called them out loudly to focus on their training.
'Well,' my eyes fell on my hands as I kept rubbing them unconsciously, 'That was that, I guess. Now what?'
Seriously, now what — should accept his offer to train me or should I reject it and keep training under Ren-senpai?
I mean, at worst it would be awkward; I trust Ren-senpai enough to know that he would keep his father in check from doing anything unsavoury.
But what about at best? If I agreed to train under him, would I really be able to learn? Or even keep up with him? What if I disappointed him or couldn't actually train under him properly?
'What a dilemma .'
"You really should have stayed back at the Butterfly Estate, Aneki," Zenitsu whined once the trio got out of their vigorous training, making me pity their tired and almost collapsing selves, "If you did, then that old bastard wouldn't have come after you like that."
"You are acting as if he is going to scam me or something," I pointed out jokingly before shaking my head, "Itsu, look, while I do get where you are coming from, you should also understand that me staying behind would have only delayed this — that, or Rengoku-sama might have sent the message about it to me through you guys."
"Then we wouldn't have brought that message back to you," Inosuke grumbled, making me give him a sharp look, "Problem solved."
"Inosuke!"
"It's not like he is wrong," I glared as Zenitsu pointed that out.
"It's disrespectful! Never do that, especially to an elder like him who is the predecessor of your mentor."
"The same predecessor who abandoned our Aniki," Zenitsu pointed out bluntly, making me sigh as I knew how true his words rang, "And now, he suddenly wants to train you? Don't you find that suspicious?"
"I do but," I sighed again, "I mean, what can I do? This offer is way too good to just leave it, y'know."
All three of them looked at me dejectedly as I shook my head, "But that doesn't mean I would agree just like that — just as you guys pointed out, it's way suspicious and quite sudden to just... agree to it as it is. So, I'll keep some conditions, maybe."
"Conditions?" Tanjiro spoke for the first time as he slowly got up from the ground, "What conditions, Aneki?"
"Well," I shrugged as I handed him a spare cloth to wipe his face before giving Zenitsu a flask of water, "I am still planning, so I'll let you know once I finalise, yeah?"
"Make him train us with you," Inosuke suddenly spoke up, surprising me as the idea he just spoke out was the same thing I was planning to do, "So that we can fight him down if he does any shit!"
"I'll keep that in mind," I simply stated as I brushed him off without giving away anything further — I need some time to plan and collect what I need for this to work. Telling the trio about it now would only make them try to help me; thus, complicating things more.
My mind reeled with thoughts and possible actions as I almost absent-mindedly made my way through the somewhat of a ritual we had made when we left Rengoku's Estate by the end of the day.
Rengoku looked at me worriedly as we were bidding our farewell, to which I tried to reassure him with my smile; all the while planning the havoc I was gonna cause tomorrow with his father.
'Hopefully, what I am planning to do would go well or else it wouldn't be worth it.'
"Aneki?" I hummed in reply when Tanjiro called, "Would you be going to Tomioka-san's residence again today?"
"Ah, yes," I pretended as if it totally didn't escape my mind, "Why, do you need me to tell him anything?"
Tanjiro shook his head in denial, "No, I just wanted to talk to him about something."
"He isn't back from his mission yet, is he?" Zenitsu asked as he turned to me for the answer, "Then why do you keep going to his Estate daily? I mean, he's not even there and you have to come back without meeting him anyway."
"Well," I shrugged, "He was the one who helped me develop my aura and guided me through the whole process — can't just abandon him now that I have Ren-senpai, can I? That'll just be unfair."
That, and I was worried about that idiot — he told me he'll be back within a day, and it's already been four days since he left.
'I hope he is alright,' I noticed how Zenitsu was staring at me with a strange look on his face, 'With how I'mplaying with the plot, at this point, his disappearance really scares me.'
Not that such disappearances weren't common in this line of the field; missions can often run longer than one can expect, and with how the Hashiras were given the most tedious ones, I don't doubt that it must be the case for Tomioka too.
But that didn't stop me from worrying though. Or thinking about him, continuously.
"I'll meet you three back at the Butterfly Estate then," I said once it was time for us to separate, "Don't wait for me today, though."
"Eh?"
I shook my head, "I would be out for a good while today — need to visit the market for some herbs and other materials too, so I might be late for dinner. So, don't wait for me today, alright? Sleep early."
I patted the trio before separating; using the alone time to recall the things I will need to prepare for the Red District and plan ahead with what I had to do tomorrow.
And that included talking to myself through imaginary conversations as I tried to anticipate how Rengoku Senior may react to my conditions.
By the time I reached Tomioka's residence and realized he wasn't there today either, I had already mapped out everything I needed and only had to write it down; which I was planning to do once I bought the stuff I needed from the nearby market.
I felt a pinch in my chest as my mind went back to Tomioka — he was genuinely worrying me and I had no means to actually contact him, especially considering how Shiori wasn't with me yet either.
'If only we had mobiles,' I huffed as that thought crossed my mind before shaking my head. No use wondering about my past life when I can't even handle this present one properly.
'Though,' my eyes briefly scanned his Estate from a distance, 'I am curious what kept him for so many days — I hope it isn't some Demon Moon and he comes home safe and sound, please.'
I took a deep breath as I looked up almost in desperation.
If there really was any God, then please don't make things harder for me. I beg you.
"I would like to train under you Rengoku-sama — however," I bowed as I stated my request bluntly, "I have a few... conditions, if I may keep them in front of you?"
My eyes briefly met his red-gold ones as he looked at me curiously, agreeing quite readily to listen to my request as he signed me to sit down in front of him.
Never had I ever thought things would come to this when I approached Rengoku Senior to talk some sense into him; but, then again, when had life ever not made fun of me?
"I would like to train with Kamado, Agatsuma and Hashibira under the guidance of you and your eldest son, Rengoku-sama," I bowed again, keeping my eyes down at the floor as I continued to speak, "That's all I ask for; please consider."
"Why them?" I could hear no animosity or anger in his voice, which reassured me a little.
"Because they need it more than me," I answered honestly as I finally sat up straight, looking right back at him as I continued, "My fighting style is quite distinct from Flame Breathing since I developed on my own, making me believe I may not be able to follow your teachings as much as a person with another breath style may. In addition, the three of them are very dedicated and want to become stronger just like me — thus, won't hesitate to show the effort you so want to see. So, please let them train under you as well."
I looked at him anxiously as he rubbed his chin and observed me silently for a few moments.
"It's the first time I've heard you talk so respectfully to me."
"E-Eh?" I looked at him in bewilderment as he nodded to himself.
"Alright," he replied as he stood up, "I'll train those three too, with Kyojuro — just don't talk to me like this again."
"...talk like what, if I may ask?"
"Like that," He pointed at me, "That strange respectful tone that makes you sound like you are pretending to be someone else."
I gave him a strange look as he looked away and started fiddling in his closet, "I would rather prefer if you talk to me like you were doing for the last few days — blunt, direct and to-the-point. Don't waste time on those formalities with me."
"Ah, hai."
"And," he took out a sword from his closet, making me follow his movements with my eyes as I realized that was his nichirin sword, "Call me sensei from now on."
"Hai, sensei."
It made me feel strange how readily he agreed to me — no, this whole offer-thing made me feel strange and suspicious as I silently observed the older man talk about his breathing style and brief me about what he was planning on teaching me.
"Where are those three you mentioned?" He asked as we walked down the hallway on our way towards the yard, "I thought you came with them today like always?"
"They have started their missions from today again, sensei," my eyes scanned the empty hallway before looking up to him, "So, forgive me for the delay that may happen while starting in with them."
"Don't apologise for useless things," he brushed me off casually as he slid open the door to the yard and walked out, "I didn't expect you to be waiting for us here, Kyojuro."
I looked at Rengoku Senior's back in surprise before I had to sidestep to look at Ren-senpai's figure ahead — sometimes I just hated my height (or lack, thereof) and this was definitely one of those times.
"Father!" it surprised me how formally Ren-senpai addressed his father, reminding me how I once used to address my mother in this life like that too, "I would like to talk to you about—"
"Yes, you can join in," he brushed him off, making his son stumble upon his words while he turned to me, "Sarota already asked me if you can teach her alongside me. And since you are already here, I think you are free enough to do just that."
The way Ren-senpai just stared at his father made me want to laugh; his expression was such a perfect mixture of bewilderment, disbelief and relief that it almost made me wonder what was going on inside his head.
"If you are done standing," Rengoku Senior's sudden harsh tone made me flinch as he seemed to address his son much differently than he did to me, "Then I hope you can help Sarota demonstrate her current skills with a spar — unless you don't want that?"
"Hai, father!" Ren-senpai instantly agreed as he looked at me from the corner of his eye, "Let me bring my sword first!"
I watched blankly as he almost sprinted in to bring his blade, my mind reeling with thoughts about the sudden change of behaviour in the older man.
'Why the fuck would you behave so well with a stranger and so harsh with your own son?'
Rengoku Senior (Rengoku-sensei?) gave me a look before sitting down on the porch, "Have you sparred with Kyojuro before?"
'Oh, so that's Ren-senpai's first name—'
"Yes," I nodded, "I've sparred against him once on the first day of him training me and fought alongside him during our mission."
"Good," His eyes went to my satchel, "Is that where you keep your swords or did you not bring them?"
"Well," I shifted on my feet, "I have my swords in my satchel but they are not my primary weapon."
"Swords, as in plural?" I nodded in answer as he hummed, "Then that must hamper your defence by a large margin. And you said they aren't your primary weapon, huh?" I nodded again, "Then what are your primary weapons?"
"My nichirin fans," I admitted as I reached to pull them out from my sleeves, "I'm more experienced at them currently than my swords."
"Open them," he ordered me as his eyes fixed on my fans.
I silently opened my fans and explained to him briefly how it worked — his eyes gleaming in the same manner his son's did when he was going to tease; thus, making me feel very uneasy as I stepped back once I was done demonstrating.
"Your blades are orange, huh?" He laughed as he leaned back on the porch, "Which branch of breathing did you learn?"
"I made mine," I answered honestly, "Um, Blood Breathing — don't judge on the name please, I know it's not good. And as for where I derived it from, then it's roughly from water breathing...?"
"Roughly?" He hummed as his son walked past him to enter the yard, "So, you didn't learn directly but adapted your fighting style into it?"
"Yes," my eyes met the red-gold one of Ren-senpai's as I nodded once discreetly, "I didn't quite start using my fans with the idea to create my own breathing style after all."
Rengoku Senior nodded again as he looked at me with a contemplating expression before asking (ordering?) us to spar with each other — Ren-senpai exchanging another look with me before we took our stance and did as we were asked of.
I noticed from the corner of my eyes how his posture became more vigilant than his earlier slouched position as I and Ren-senpai started sparring.
And while I didn't have actual hope of learning much from him, he proved me wrong very quickly as he called out the mistakes in my posture and fighting stance early on — his comments distracting me yet making me focus more on the corrections as I followed his advice word to word and noticed my flow improve.
"How many forms does your breathing style has?" Rengoku-sensei asked once we finished off our spar.
"Ten," I took a deep breath before standing up straight, "It has ten forms, sensei." I kept my voice neutral so as to not let the disappointment I was feeling slip in.
I couldn't gain an upper hand with Ren-senpai this time either; even worse, I couldn't even properly show some of my forms this time.
"Kyojuro, sit down," he stated suddenly before turning to me, "And you, Sarota, show me all your ten forms, sequentially. I want to see how good your swordsmanship... your skills with your fans can be, ideally."
I nodded in understanding before doing so as he asked; waiting patiently for his critical advice as I performed my each from thoroughly.
However, none came and when I did finish, Sensei looked at me with interest.
"Your forms are more flexible than how you performed them during your spar," Rengoku-sensei commented as he turned towards his elder son, "Kyojuro, spar with her again — but this time, be completely on your defence and let her attack," he then turned to me, "And Sarota, show me your forms when you are completely on attacking mode. I need you to only focus on that and not on defence as you fall back to it needlessly."
"Hai, father!"
"Hai, sensei," I avoided making a face at his last statement as I complied silently; while I didn't agree with him fully, I did understand what he was getting at.
'He wants me to start taking the initiative to attack than waiting for my opponent to attack me first.' I took a deep breath and spread my consciousness to detect the auras around me to help me in the spar, 'Maybe that was the 'hesitation' that Ren-senpai was talking about last time.'
It wasn't until the sun was about to set that we stopped for the day — my right wrist aching and body protesting as I turned to Ren-senpai who still looked as cheerful and energetic as ever.
' That must be an insane level of stamina, what the hell .'
"When will you come tomorrow?" The question directed at me surprised me as I blurted out unconsciously, "Whenever you ask me to, Sensei."
"Then be here by six," he stated almost carelessly, making me stiffen as Ren-senpai almost started protesting.
"Father—"
"We need to improve your attacks immediately if we don't want a repeat of your last mission," Rengoku-sensei addressed that to me but looked at his son meaningfully, "And while I know it can be difficult for you to—"
"I'll be there," I cut him off softly as I inserted my fans back into my holsters, "I'll be here by six. Should I bring the three with me if I can or...?"
"If you can, then yes," he again turned to his son, "Kyojuro will guide you out and... return safely."
"Hai, sensei."
"And," I paused as he started again, "Put a packet of warm water on your wrist once you reach home. Oil and a massage would only make things worst, so avoid them."
'So he noticed,' I thought absent-mindedly as my eyes traced his ragged figure in the fading sunlight from the back, 'If only he was even a little more kept together... I bet he would have had fangirls screaming DILF for him.'
I instantly made a face at my thought process, making Ren-senpai give me a questioning look as I shook my head and went back in to get my satchel.
'It's better to leave before I blurted out something rubbish again.'
A sigh escaped my lips as I rubbed my right wrist again — the ache in that joint had decreased with time but never went down completely.
The pain was almost irritating at this point considering how even the slightest movement made a small electric shock go through my hand, making me flinch if I went in too strong.
'Rengoku Senior told me to apply hot water,' I recalled before correcting my thoughts, 'Ah, no, Sensei, I should continue calling him Sensei.'
It was an unconscious practice of mine that I had somehow adapted to in this life; repeating names (or nicknames) of people in my mind so much so that I don't mess them up when I spoke them out loud.
It helped me to not only remember their names but also get used to calling them by the said name.
'Sure did help me a lot to get used to my own name in this life,' I thought wryly as I waltzed in towards Tomioka's residence for the fifth time this week, having little to no hope of meeting him today either, despite wishing desperately against it.
I gently knocked on the wooden door of the residence, waiting patiently as always as I looked around like I usually did.
That's when I noticed that the bushes around the entrance looked different than before, my eyes instantly zooming onto the small specks of blood clinging on some of the leaves as I leaned to check them out.
However, before I could do that, the door suddenly opened and blue eyes focused on me with a half-lidded expression.
"S-Senpai?" I gasped as I noticed his half-naked form — his whole torso covered with hazardously loose bandages stained with blood and grim, "What the hell happened?! Are you okay?"
"Miyasha..." my breath hitched as Tomioka's hand outstretched towards me, "Is... Is that you?"
"Of course I—" No wait, something was very wrong here, "Senpai, are you alright? How are you feeling? Dizzy? Nauseous? Wonky?"
"Tired," The tremble in his voice made my heart ache as I instantly reached towards his outstretched hand and took it in both of mine, "You... you are real."
"Senpai?"
"Sorry," His apology sounded almost like an afterthought as he looked at his hand in my grip, his expression making me wonder if he was high from medication or something.
'Or maybe something happened on his mission...?'
"Let's go inside first," I insisted as I slowly pushed him inside while he let me do so almost too easily, "We need to first clean your wounds and change the dirty bandages. Also, have you eaten something? Please tell me you didn't forget to eat on your mission again—"
I kept talking in a low but continuous tone as I guided him to a nearby room; the whole structure of his house seemed familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time as I kept comparing it with how I last 'saw' it through my aura-vision.
I shook my head and concentrated back on the task at hand — asking Tomioka shortly if it was his room (which it was, surprisingly, considering how bare it was) and made him sit down before looking for the fresh roll of bandages and medicines in my satchel as I unpacked almost everything out of that old white bag.
"Tomioka-senpai," I called out his name softly as I touched his cheek, making him look at me as if in a haze, "I need to remove your bandages. Can I do that?"
His blue eyes momentarily shifted before becoming a bit clear as he nodded.
"Thank you," I whispered instinctually as I started removing his bandages; my hands brushing against his still bleeding wounds as I applied some alcohol to clean the surrounding area once I was done with the bandages.
My heart sank as I noticed the deep cuts on his chest along with other small and some big white scarring of old wounds.
'His abdomen may need stitching,' I thought absent-mindedly as I cleaned the area before realising that I might just be able to handle it for now by wrapping the bandages tightly around his abs.
'I can'tbelieve someone could harm him right in these beautiful abs though—' I instantly closed my eyes and took a deep breath to control my thoughts.
Not the right time, Miyasha, not the right time.
'Even if his abs are so well-defined.'
If I could facepalm myself right now, I so would have — but alas, I can't since I have my hands covered with antiseptic and it would make Tomioka question my sanity as he was staring intently at me and my hands for quite some time now.
"Does it pain anywhere?" I asked softly as I gently covered the wounds with some medicines and started wrapping fresh bandages around them.
"No," His voice sounded much clearer as he looked at me with much more awareness than before, "How... How are your eyes?"
"Oh," I almost paused to look up at him before focusing back again, "It's good, to be honest. I mean, I can see well but just need glasses to... well, help."
Tomioka tilted his head at me questioningly, making me smile at his cuteness before I explained my situation properly.
There was something absolutely adorable about how he listened to each of my words with such dedication; my heart warmed over this thought as I focused on patching him up.
"Senpai," I called him once I was done with his bandages and looked up to him staring at me while leaning down, "What... What happened to you? Why were you injured like this and why the hell didn't you come to Butterfly Estate for a patch up? What was so important here that you needed to come here first rather than getting your injuries looked up?"
"...senpai?" I called out again as his hand reached to brush a strand of hair off my face.
(~×~)
"Sorry, I," Giyuu stumbled over his words as his still disoriented mind muddled over his reality — or rather, his imagination, maybe? He wasn't quite sure, yet.
In fact, he wasn't exactly sure of anything except the warmth of Miyasha and her skin under his unworthy palms.
"My mission," he finally decided to say as her worried eyes scanned his face for the tenth time, "It, it didn't go well."
"Ah," he hated how her face twisted even more in concern as she gently caressed his hand on her cheek, "Why so, senpai? Did you... Did you face a Demon Moon or—"
Giyuu shook his head silently as his thoughts mocked him for the irony of the situation; he, who was supposed to be a so-called Hashira, was almost defeated by a mere demon who wasn't even a Demon Moon.
That's why he refused to believe he was worthy to be a Hashira.
"Senpai?" His eyes focused back to reality (or maybe, it was just another scenario his mind conjured up under the demon's influence?) as her hands touched his cheeks, forcing him to look at her as she continued, "I think you need some rest before anything else. You can tell me about it later, alright?"
He could hardly understand her words as his mind fogged over even more; disorienting his thoughts as he nodded almost habitually.
However, it wasn't until he felt Miyasha shift away from him that he forced his mind to focus and reach out to her to pull her into his arms — his body instinctually closing itself around her as he buried himself in her familiar presence and smell.
"Please," Giyuu didn't care how desperate he sounded as he begged for her to stay a little longer, his voice only a little above a whisper as he finished, "Stay."
He couldn't comprehend her reply as his headache increased and his mind numbed completely — his whole being feeling heavy before he felt her soft, light touches on his skin that soothed him more than anything ever did.
Her presence brought a light to his life that he never experienced before and as he lost his consciousness, he tried his best to bask in her cool touches as much as he could.
.
...
The next time Giyuu gained consciousness, he felt a splitting headache pierce through his skull — an ache so great that he couldn't even open his eyes immediately.
"Shh, it's alright," Miyasha softly whispered as she massaged the wrinkles forming on his forehead due to his frown, "I'm here for you, okay? No need to worry, senpai."
Her soft voice was the only respite he felt as it somewhat soothed his nerve, if not the headache itself.
"Why—" Giyuu coughed as his throat ached from the unexpected dryness.
"Drink some water first," he felt her hands gently help him up to an upright position as he gratefully accepted her touches without any complaint, "You need to eat something too — especially, if my guess is right, then you wouldn't have eaten anything properly since your mission finished considering the condition you are in, right?"
Giyuu didn't dare to reply anything as he quietly drank the water offered to him while looking at the worried expression his female companion fixed him. It was then he realized that he was actually lying on her lap before she helped him up, for the past how many hours.
And that oddly made him regret that he couldn't linger in the experience of it for longer — or remember much of it either.
"Tomioka-senpai..." it looked like he didn't need to reply anyway as she seemed disappointed in him regardless, "You need to take care of yourself more — especially since you are a Hashira and need to set an example for others, senpai."
He looked away as a sharp ache went through his chest at her concerned voice; he didn't deserve her concern, her worries and her care for him.
He deserved none of it — even the Hashira position he had somehow coveted after Sabito's death.
"Senpai," Giyuu's heart skipped a beat as he felt her cool hands grab his face gently, "Look at me, come on. Looking away isn't going to help here — I'm not gonna let you drop this topic so easily."
He shook his head gently before brushing her hand away — despite how much he liked her touches, he felt unworthy of them.
And while it in itself wasn't a new feeling, the emotions Miyasha made him feel scared him — it made him feel... warm, happy and grateful.
It made him feel almost as if he was lucky to be alive; it made him look forward to coming back home, to meet her and see her smile and not die on the battlefield.
Giyuu looked back at her worried expression; seeing his own face reflecting back at him through those glasses of hers made him feel oddly content.
It made him feel like living was worth it and he felt so guilty about feeling like this — especially since the only reason he was alive right now was because he stepped through the corpses of his sister and Sabito to survive.
"...Giyuu?" He looked up as Miyasha whispered his name softly, as if afraid to be too loud, "Do you, do you want to talk about what you are thinking? Or would you like me to stay beside you?"
Giyuu closed his eyes as he leaned the back of his head against the wall of his room, "I... want to talk about it. Please stay?"
"Of course, silly," His lips quirked up at her playful tone, "But, before that, let's get something to eat — in fact, how about you tell me all about it while I cook, hm?"
He opened his eyes to look at the shorter female and her hunched over figure as she fiddled through her bag to find something, "Yes," he breathed out as she looked back at him with a dazzling smile.
After Sabito, the world around Giyuu turned bleak, almost dark in a way that most may describe as depressing; but within that dark world, Miyasha was like a sparkling star to him — wherever she walked, the darkness was torn asunder and he couldn't help but stare.
She was his personal heaven and he couldn't stop looking at her, noticing her... searching for her.
And, because of this exact reason, he told her everything — his sister, Sabito, everything.
He didn't pause as his voice trembled; he didn't deserve to feel the grief he was feeling since they died because of him—
"Giyuu, stop!" He felt himself being physically shaken as Miyasha interrupted him by grabbing his shoulders, "Stop pushing yourself, please. It's alright if you... if you don't want to say it. Please, stop."
That is when Giyuu noticed how badly his frame was trembling, making him almost feel foolish before Miyasha guided him to a chair.
"Giyuu, breathe for me, okay?" She softly whispered to him as she instantly offered him a glass of water, "I'm here for you, you know that right? Everything is alright, and I'll make sure you are fine too, alright?"
"I..." He hated his trembling voice as he rubbed a hand over his face roughly, "I don't need it."
"But—"
"It's a waste on me," Giyuu finally said out loud as he covered his eyes with his forearm after leaning his head back, "I, I don't deserve it, Miyasha — you don't understand."
"...you are right, I don't," he didn't dare look at her expression in fear that she would look at him with the same hatred he felt for himself, "Explain me then, please. Why do you think you don't deserve my help when you almost had a panic attack and clearly need it?"
"I," Giyuu stabilised his voice into a more monotonous tone before continuing, "I told you, I was not supposed to... live. If I had died then my sister wouldn't have to sacrifice herself, Sabito wouldn't have to sacrifice himself to save me and someone else could have saved the people I failed to, like Tanjiro's family and his sister."
"And who told you that?" Her voice sounded much nearer than he anticipated but he still didn't move.
"I, I know that—"
"I'm asking you senpai, who told you that your death would have solved everything?" The conviction in her tone made him shut up as she continued even more strongly, "Who told you that your friend Sabito wouldn't have died even if you weren't there? Who told you that Tanjiro's family could have been protected if someone else was there that day?"
Giyuu finally removed his arm to look at her kneeling before him, making his heart skip as her bluish-violet eyes gleamed under the light.
"Do you think anyone except you would have let Nezuko live?"
"...I could have protected his family if I was early—"
"—from Muzan? Alone?" Miyasha spat out, surprising Giyuu as he didn't quite realise that fact until she bluntly pointed it out, "Did you hit your head or something, senpai?"
He didn't know what to reply as he looked down at his hand while she sighed in exasperation.
"Senpai," her hands came to grip his own as she gave him a reassuring smile, "Trust me when I say that you are worth it — you are worthy of every single good thing that comes to you, even if you don't see it that way."
The grip of her smaller hands tightened on his bigger ones, "What you are feeling, this guilt and anxiety, is called survivor's guilt. It happens when... when we survive an ordeal where many have died. Because of that, our mind guilts us into thinking that we survived at the expense of other's lives."
Miyasha's smile turned sadder as she rubbed his hands gently, "But it's not like that — it's never like that, especially in your case. You yourself said how your sister protected you despite her marriage being the very next day; do you know why she did that?"
She paused as she looked up at him; looking at him almost like she was waiting for him to answer which honestly Giyuu knew and yet didn't know at the same time.
"...It was because she loved you," her voice came out softer and sadder than before as her expression crumbled into a more grieving one, "I bet she loved you so much that she didn't even give her own life a thought—"
"But why?" Giyuu interrupted her without really thinking as he almost leaned on her shoulder, "Why save me?! Who was she to decide to sacrifice her life like that for me? Who was she to decide if my life was worth more than hers? Who was... who..."
His tears dripped down on their joined hands as he trembled, feeling completely weak and vulnerable.
He felt Miyasha's hands caress his cheek before she got up from her kneeling position to engulf his trembling frame completely in her arms.
"She was your elder sister," she whispered after a few minutes, "To her, you were always worth more than her life — just like how you currently perceive your life as less worth than hers or Sabito's."
Giyuu wrapped his arms around her and burrowed his head in her stomach as she gently caressed him into a calmer state.
"Sabito died because of my incompetence."
"No," her caressing hands weaved through his messy, unbounded hair, "He died because of the Hand-Demon who was intentionally hunting down the students of your mentor as his revenge."
Giyuu frowned as he detached himself to look up at her in confusion.
"It's..." Miyasha gave him an apologetic expression as she explained, "It's something Tanjiro told me back when we were talking about the final selection. I... I'll highly suggest you talk with him about it once, yeah?"
He felt like there was something she was hiding, but he didn't question her still as he knew she would never lie about something like this — she was not someone who would hurt people intentionally or lie about things like this.
And he honestly trusted her more than he trusted himself.
"Giyuu," he liked the way she said his name and he didn't even know why, "I... I know I am no one to speak for your sister or your friend, but trust me when I say I understand how they may have felt when they did what they did."
"They protected you because they loved you," her hands brushed his face in the gentlest of touches he ever felt or deserved, "And thinking that death would be a good thing is disrespectful to them and their love for you."
Miyasha cradled him in a hug as she softly whispered, "I know it's not fair of me to ask you to live for them, but I just want you to realize that the guilt you feel is baseless. You, you are lied to by your guilt and your anxiety — you are not weak or worthless, you are not... you are not a burden and you deserve every single good thing that happens to you senpai, trust me, alright?"
The way she said those words was as if she truly believed them; she said them with such conviction that a small part of him wanted to believe them, too.
"Miyasha," he looked up at the wisteria-coloured eyes staring down at him, "...What measures the worth of a person? Is it measured by the love they receive or the number of people who love them? If that is so, then am I worth it?"
Giyuu asked her the question he often wondered in his free time — a question he could never ask or get a straight answer from anyone, except maybe her.
Or maybe it was because she was the only one he felt who could truly answer this question, as a person who seemed to be loved by everyone.
While he was the one who everyone forgot about and rightfully so.
"Your existence makes it worth it," Giyuu felt alarmed as he heard her voice tremble before she suddenly chuckled, "You have no idea how I and Tanjiro feel, do you? We feel better just because you exist — the very thought of your existence makes us smile and talk in a jolly manner. You... you are loved and I'm sorry we made you doubt like this."
"Miyasha..."
"No," her watery chuckle made him worried as he finally stood up from the chair, "I... I should have done this before. I'm so sorry for being late, senpai, but I promise you that I would never let you feel like this again. Never."
Giyuu gently grabbed her chin as she looked up at him with the saddest smile he had ever seen anyone give.
"I promise you," her hand found his as she gently moved his hand away from her chin and nuzzled it, "You are worth it and I will repeat it until you somehow start believing it."
"Miyasha—"
"No senpai," Miyasha chuckled again as she slowly moved away, "You are worth it just like how the stars are bright. The stars aren't bright because I said so — they were so even before I knew of their existence. I didn't decide what they were, but only acknowledged them as such. Just like how you aren't worth something just because I say you are since I merely acknowledged that you are so."
"That," Giyuu basked in the soft expression she gave him, "Is what I mean when I say that you are worth it. And I know it's difficult for you to currently understand it but I won't give up on you — even if you do so yourself. So please, remain strong for me. Everything that you have been holding on for is just over the horizon, even if you may not be able to see it, okay?"
"What if I... couldn't?"
"Trusting you is my decision," the confidence glimmering in her eyes gave him the hope he never let himself have, "And proving me right is yours. So, don't take responsibility for a decision that is solely made by me."
The lump that had once grown so hard within his chest, that he thought would never disappear, slowly started melting away without a trace as her warmth enveloped him.
"...Alright," Giyuu finally replied awkwardly as Miyasha smiled at him encouragingly.
"I'm glad my words reached you," she stepped away from him before focusing back on cooking a quick meal for him, "But even if they hadn't, I still wouldn't stop repeating them until you start believing them!" She gave him a cheery smile as she swiftly chopped the green onions, "So, start to believe in them as early as possible before I bully you into doing so!"
Giyuu huffed a laugh as he shook his head. At this point, he wouldn't mind at all if she actually did go ahead with that.
With how easily she could make him talk about the memories he thought he couldn't even recall without the pain and loneliness overcoming him, Giyuu was sure he soon wouldn't mind doing anything she asked of him.
"You pushed him over the waterfall?" She asked with a tone coloured with amusement as he narrated one of his childhood incidents, "Then what happened? How did Urokodaki-san react?"
"He pushed me down after Sabito."
Miyasha bursted out laughing at the imagery he painted, making him feel lighter and more open as she eagerly asked him about his childhood.
She turned his memories of loneliness into something warm as they talked and recounted memories he thought he had long forgotten, after burying them deep inside.
"I had a sister too," she too opened up as they shared a late-night meal together, "Younger sister though. She... she was the sweetest. An absolute angel — most of the time, that is."
He smiled as she recounted about her sister in a very nostalgic manner, her voice soon gaining a more melancholic tone as she confessed vaguely about how she parted with her sister — her experience making him wonder if his sister felt the same when she protected him.
Even if she did, he still wasn't quite comfortable with the idea yet — the idea that he was worth being sacrificed for.
"Well, I still recovered from it, I guess," Miyasha chuckled without any humour as Giyuu helped her gather the dishes, "I mean, I had to continue to survive despite what happened — couldn't just keep continually tearing myself down now, can I? I need to move on, find ways to cope and see myself in a light that I may have never thought was possible. That's what recovery is, after all." She gave him an encouraging smile as she continued, "I hope you can do that too, one day."
"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to... recover," Giyuu admitted as he knew she was right while he realized how he himself wasn't quite recovered yet, "I still don't believe I'm worth it, but I'll try."
For her, he'll try.
"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be," Miyasha recited with an understanding smile, "So, decide a goal on how you would like to be and work on it. I'll be there whenever you'll need someone to help."
Her words assured him in a way he never thought he could be and honestly, he wanted to be better, for his sister, Sabito and... her.
"Thank you, Miyasha."
"Ah, no need," she brushed away his gratefulness humbly, "You have done so much for me in the past — so much so that I was afraid that I'll start taking your help for granted."
"Then take it for granted," Giyuu replied honestly, "If you need it, use it. Don't worry about it."
"Senpai, you—" He watched as Miyasha covered her face with both her hands while continuing to speak in a muffled voice, "You can't just say it like that, senpai! Please can misunderstand — also, that's very unhealthy. You should never sacrifice yourself like that for others without any thought!"
"...unhealthy?"
"May Lord have mercy— okay, okay. Let me first teach you about healthy boundaries and relationships, how about that?"
(~×~)
"Moshi, Moshi~" I called in a sing-song voice as I peeked into the infirmary, noticing Shinobu sitting there while doing some kind of paperwork...?
"Ah, Miyasha-san, come in," Shinobu directed a smile at me as she invited me in, making me feel mighty awkward as I looked around the familiar room, "How are your eyes now, Mi-ya-sha-san~? Are you experiencing any pain whatsoever?"
"Not yet, thanks to Aoi and your care!"
I smiled back easily as Shinobu brightened up before giving my eyes a general check-up.
"So," she started once she was done and in the process of handing me my new dosage of medicines, "May I ask how you met Tomioka-san last night~? I thought you went to train under Rengoku-san yesterday, hm?"
I almost choked on my saliva as Shinobu asked me that so directly — making me pause for a few seconds to collect myself before explaining to her what happened last night.
Well, explaining most of it except the part where he fell asleep on my lap, almost had a panic attack while talking about his past and then fell asleep on my lap again as the medication I gave him made him sleepy.
Technically speaking, once we had our light-yet-late meal last night, I dragged Giyuu back to his room to do a quick check-up on his bandages before leaving.
Unfortunately, (or maybe, fortunately since I noticed them early on?) the bandages were already bled through and I had to change them again — making me realize that I have to stitch the wound on the abdomen or else it would keep opening and bleeding like that again and again.
But since I didn't have the proper equipment with me at the time, I re-bandaged his wounds while talking about his previous mission lightly to somehow get my mind off his abs.
But it was easier said than done, considering how physically close to me he was and how he literally leaned into my touch — no matter how indecent it looked or could be interpreted as.
He was literally letting me get away with almost anything! Thankfully, my ass somehow pulled through without losing the last shred of dignity I had.
Was this what allosexual people felt around their crushes? Was this what people called sexual attraction — because if it was, I swear, how do people tolerate this shit?
Pushing my crumbling self-control aside, we talked briefly about the demon that he faced a few days prior — one that apparently had hallucinatory abilities that helped the said demon conjure up illusions through the gas he produced.
And it was behind those illusions that the demon hid and waited for his opportunity to attack his victims at their weakest — one of the main reasons why it took Giyuu so long to not only defeat him but also clean up after him since the effect of his gas was strong enough to make Giyuu hallucinate for days.
'The worst part was,' I thought to myself as I finally left the infirmary after thanking Shinobu, 'That the illusions Giyuu saw for those days were of his dead sister and Sabito.'
I can't believe that guy came back home directly in that condition, without taking any breaks or medication — how in the world did he survive, bleeding like that?
And then add the uncomfortable talk I literally pushed him to participate in the very night of his return.
Damn, I shouldn't have done that.
I sighed again before taking a turn and moving towards the room Giyuu was staying in — after the whole heart-to-heart and re-bandaging and him falling asleep on me semi-naked again, I dragged his ass here first thing in the morning before rushing back for my training with Rengoku-sensei.
Thankfully enough, I wasn't late. Unthankfully enough, I was still tired.
And as expected, I was not spared but rather completely run to the ground in the name of training.
'It's better than going easy on me, though,' I admitted in my mind as I noticed Aoi leaving Giyuu's temporarily assigned room with a tray, 'Not to mention, I need it. God knows when the RedDistrict Arc may begin and I need to be prepared for it.'
"Oh, Miyasha-aneki!" I smiled as Aoi greeted me in her usual manner, "Tomioka-san is resting right now, so I'll advice you against waking him up."
"Ah, thanks for informing me, dearie," I thanked her sincerely as I looked at the door to his room a little sadly; I was hoping to apologise to him for last night as well as for leaving him suddenly this morning, "Maybe I'll talk to him next time!"
"Also,"Aoi continued unexpectedly, making me turn to her as I was about to leave, "Someone is waiting in your room for you for the past half an hour."
"Oh?" Now that was something I didn't expect, "And who would that be, if I may ask?"
"Sorry," she gave me an apologetic look as she shifted the tray in her hand, "I didn't quite see who it was since I was tending to some other chores at that time, so you would have to see it for yourself."
"No issues," I waved off her apology, "But thank you for informing me and for all your hardwork — keep up the good work, dearie!"
While I had some guesses about who may have come to visit me at this time, none of them turned out to be right as maroon eyes greeted me as soon as I entered my room.
"Good evening..." I paused as Uzui's tall figure greeted me, against my better expectations, "...Hashira-sama. Forgive me for my lateness, I wasn't quite expecting company. However, may I ask you the purpose of your visit, if it is not too much of an issue?"
"I need your help," he started as directly as I had questioned his reason to visit me, "It's for my mission in the Flower District — I remember you saying you have your informants there too, didn't you?"
"I do," I breathed out as I came in and took a seat on my bed; my eyes never leaving Uzui's dark maroon ones as he stared me down, "What information would you like me to get for you then, Hashira-sama?"
"You can detect a demon's aura and all, can't you?"
I answered affirmatively as I wondered if he was here to drag me out like he tried with Aoi in the manga.
Because if that was the case, then there's gonna be a lot of issues considering I wasn't even remotely ready for this mission yet.
"Then," His eyes shifted as he seemed to look at the door behind me before looking directly at me, "Tell me about the demon living there — you shouldn't have missed it if you can detect them so well, right?"
'Is he interrogating me? What is going on?'
"There is a demon there," I confirmed as lying here may only get him more suspicious of me and decrease my credibility, "But detecting her aura is near impossible since she can mask it quite well — and while I may not be able to find her well, I do think she has the potential to be one of the Demon Moons, considering how well she hid her aura."
"Quite confident, aren't you?" I didn't like how he smirked as he said that, "If you so found that out, why didn't you report it to the Demon Slayer Corps?"
"I wasn't quite affiliated with the Corps when I deduced this information," I confessed honestly, weaving my words in a way that I could get away by skittering around the truth, "And when I did become a part, it escaped my mind — please forgive me for my tardiness."
Uzui stared at my bowing figure for a few moments before telling me to sit up straight; moving himself to the chair right in front of me as I sat against him on the bed.
"What else do you know about the demon?" He asked me directly as he leaned towards me in a manner that many may interpret as eagerness, "You used feminine pronouns for it, didn't you? Why so?"
"I, uh," okay, that was a stupid slip up, "I didn't exactly see her but I assume the Demon to be a female due to her lingering presence I sometimes felt inside the brothels where customers cannot enter. Though, it's all my speculation and I cannot give you any proof except for my words."
Uzui hummed before signing me to continue — as if he was interested in what I had to say while not finding it useful either way.
And while that did hurt my pride, I didn't let his behaviour influence my emotions as I answered him in the most neutral and professional manner I could.
"So, you think the demon is hiding as a courtesan?" He asked carelessly as he leaned back on the chair.
"Or an Oiran, considering how prideful they can be."
"But wouldn't that put them on the frontline of all the attention?" Uzui asked me with a strange look on his face, "Wouldn't everyone else get suspicious of it never ageing or dying?"
"Well," I shrugged, "Not if the one's getting such suspicions die first, right?"
"And you know such people who did?"
"Quite a few, unfortunately," I replied carefully, "They are covered by saying to have 'slipped their footing', if I recall correctly."
"Did you investigate it, earlier?" He asked tentatively.
"Not... exactly," I paused to think how to reply to it properly, "I mostly heard about it from my informants and by reading through the 'diaries' the victims were said to have left behind."
Uzui nodded as he relaxed his posture a little bit, "How do you normally talk to your informants? As customers?"
"Sometimes," I shrugged again, "Though, most of the time I just infiltrate as one of their courtesans by passing through the lowest brothels, where they keep the sick or pregnant courtesans."
I watched as Uzui's eyes widened at that, "That's a very flamboyant idea!"
"Thank you," I replied politely before burning down any ideas he might be getting from it, "But I wouldn't really recommend this way since it might endanger anyone who is not properly familiar with the layout and hierarchy system within the inter-brothel region."
Uzui hummed as a smile crept over his face, "And how did you know that I was thinking about sending someone there through that way, huh?"
"...Well," I frowned as I felt like he was playing with me; testing me in a manner I didn't quite like, "I don't think you would have come to me regarding this if you weren't. Not to mention, it already has been assigned to you as a mission, so."
His booming laughter echoed through the room as he jumped off his chair to stand up, "Very well then! I'll ask you a last question and leave you alone for today — what brothels do you think are the most likely for that demon to be hiding in? Which brothels do you think I should infiltrate?"
"I'll highly suggest you against infiltrating them directly," I spoke up firmly, "While I do not question your capabilities, the demon you might be dealing with has a high chance of being a Demon Moon — dealing with them directly may be against better judgement, especially if you go directly as you are planning."
"I never asked for that, did I?" His maroon eyes narrowed as I sighed and got up from my bed.
"Yes, Hashira-sama," I decided to not pursue him any further as I went to my satchel and took out my diary (journal?) and gave him the name of six brothels — three of which I knew were where Daki circulated the most since they were at the forefront of the whole District and thus, very popular.
"I hope my service was satisfactory, Hashira-sama."
I bowed as Uzui waved me off carelessly before disappearing off the door — not before opening it in a manner that the Trouble Trio (who were apparently listening to our conversation) fell through quite comically while the Sound Hashira gave them a look and jumped over them to leave.
That was quite a disappointing first interaction with Uzui but it made one thing clear to me — the Red District hasn't quite started yet, but soon was going to.
And if I didn't get my act together, then I will be dragged this time and get everyone killed due to my incompetence.
"Now, what do we do with you three little eavesdroppers, huh?"
Heya!
Ultra-long chapter with literal 14k words. Sorry for that.
Also, can you believe that canonically the time gap between the Infinity Train and the Red District is about 4 months according to Ch-81 of the manga? Crazy stuff. But that sure gives them enough time to train and shit
That aside, we are officially to the point where Miyasha is gonna (more or less) leave the restrains of the original plot!
As we have already noticed, she is slowly letting the fear of the plot go and only compensating for any plot points she found necessary — thus, this arc will be the point she (and the story itself) will start diverting from the manga/anime!. Now, wish me luck on writing that, lmao.
》Taishou Secrets《
The name 'Miyasha' means Goddess in Japanese — a name given exclusively to her by her mother due to the innate abilities she showed during her infancy. Thus, if she hadn't been reborn as she was, the body she was in wouldn't have the said name.
And that'll be all for this chapter! Thank you so much for your kind reviews and please review this one as well if you want to— I love reading from you guys, and honestly, it motivates me like no other!
Stay safe and stay healthy!
