The night began with the typical insomnia. Olivia watched her ceiling fan whir above her bed. She tried to calculate Elliot's flight time and the time difference, but the math hurt her head and she gave up on guessing what time he might call.

She rolled over on her side. She closed her eyes and counted her breaths, but she missed the feeling of another person's rhythmic breathing beside her. She knew she could go lay on the floor next to Amanda, but she felt uncomfortable. Amanda had been wonderful and perfectly supportive through this whole thing, but she wasn't Elliot. No one could ever make her feel as safe or comfortable as he could.

She groaned and got out of bed to dig through her medicine cabinet. She had some prescription sleeping pills, but she avoided those. They lulled her into sleep, but they made the night terrors more vivid. She reached for her well used bottle of melatonin with the hope it would be effective in granting her at least some sleep.

She laid back in bed and pulled the comforter over her. She laid on her back with her arm resting above her head. Her racing thoughts began to slow and thankfully she fell asleep.

-000-

She hated the feeling of knowing she was having a nightmare, but being unable to escape its grip. This one felt different than some of the others, mostly because it didn't start with being knocked out with her own gun. This one revolved around Elliot. It was a weird mishmash of images that didn't totally make sense, but she was duct taped to a chair and Elliot walked away. She felt herself screaming for him to come back, and not to leave her there, but it was too late because he was gone.

The nightmare didn't go much further than that because she felt something wet brushing her arm, and it effectively yanked her from the grips of William Lewis. She looked at the ceiling, trying to figure out what woke her up. She felt that warm wet sensation again and turned her head to find Frannie laying next to her, licking her arm. "Oh hey you." She scratched behind her ear. The dog laid her head on Olivia's stomach, seemingly making herself comfortable for the night.

She continued to scratch Frannie's head, and the feeling of warmth and pressure helped drop her elevated stress response. Just then her phone started buzzing, and she quickly grabbed it, happy to see Elliot's name across the screen.

"Hey," she answered with relief.

"Hey," she could hear the smile in his voice. "Getting any sleep?"

"A little. Not much really." She gave Frannie another scratch behind the ears, "Insomnia is the worst, and then of course I had a nightmare, and I haven't managed to get to sleep since then."

"Wanna talk about it?" His voice exuded exhaustion.

"Not really. Amanda's dog got me out of it before it got too bad."

"Oh yeah?" She heard the smile in his voice.

"Yeah she licked my arm until I woke up."

"Not exactly the way I would have done it," he joked.

"I hope not," she laughed lightly, but it quickly fell away. She wanted to ask him something, but it was one of those things that made her feel weak, needy and small. Maybe she would be fine here with Frannie, and she shouldn't even ask.

"You okay?" he asked in response to her silence.

"Um, yeah." She let out a slow breath. "I was going to see if you could stay on the phone until I fell asleep, but you don't have to. I know you're tired and you need to get to wherever you are staying." She felt herself flush with some embarrassment before adding, "Nevermind. Its stupid. I'll be okay."

"Hey hey," he soothed, "I can do that. It's an easy ask. I mean you might hear a lot of Italian, and silence."

"I love Italian," she said softly, "and you don't need to say anything. I just need to know you are here."

"I'm here Liv. I always will be."

-000-

Olivia woke to Amanda looking for Frannie. Amanda knocked at her door and Olivia felt Frannie immediately lift her head. When she opened the door she scolded, "Frannie! Get outta here." She looked up to Liv as Frannie jumped off the bed and ran out of the bedroom, "God, I'm sorry Liv. I figured she stay with me because she usually sleeps with me, but she must have wanted to find a place more comfortable than the floor."

Olivia waved her off. "It's okay, she actually got me up from a nightmare so she can sleep in here whenever she wants." Olivia sat up and stretched.

"Oh good!" Amanda smiled sweetly, "She's such a good girl."

"She is," Olivia agreed.

"Did you sleep okay besides then?"

"I mean, not great, but it could have been worse. Elliot called so that helped too."

"Oh good. Did he make it there okay?"

"Yeah. He sounded pretty tired, but it was fun to hear him speaking Italian. I haven't heard him do that before."

Amanda tilted her head towards the kitchen, "I have some coffee made if you want any."

Olivia nodded and swung her legs off the bed. Time to ready herself for another day.

-000-

Therapy. Again. She sat across from Dr. Lindstrom silently. Doesn't the act of going to therapy improve mental health? Even if nothing is said? She heard that somewhere. Maybe.

She swore Dr. Lindstrom used uncomfortable silence as some kind of mind trick because she finally gave in and started talking. "Well this week has been… interesting."

"How so," he prodded gently.

She tried to decide which disaster to tackle first. "Um..well, my stress level has felt impossible. I basically feel like I want to throw up…all the time."

"What has changed in the past week that potentially triggered this anxiety?"

Ugh. This is where she wanted to clam up and spend the rest of the session in silence. Maybe she could start with a benign topic. "Well, I went back to full days this week."

"And that's been stressful? Usually work provides you some level of purpose and connection. Why would it feel stressful?" Damn it.

"It hasn't been too bad, but I hate feeling like all eyes are on me, waiting for me to break."

"Did something happen to make you feel that way?"

Honestly, everyone had been relatively normal. Beyond Fin dropping a burrito on her desk things were normal. "I mean, not really. I think I'm still a little self-conscious over my meltdown I had after the trial." Truth be told, that was more about Elliot than the trial itself.

"Okay," she watched him jot down a couple notes. She kind of wished she could see his clipboard from here. In an annoying change of topic, he asked, "I noticed you came alone today. I half expected your friend Elliot to be in the waiting room again."

Damn it. Why did all roads have to lead to the one person she really didn't want to talk about. "He flew out yesterday. Back to Italy."

He nodded. "That had to be pretty triggering. Probably more so than going back to work."

Nope. She didn't want to go there. Her stomach clenched and the ever present nausea returned. "It's fine. It's not like he can be there every second, and he's coming back."

"Is he?" She felt a stab in her stomach. The sensation nearly made her gag. Something told her he knew exactly what he was doing when he asked that question.

She couldn't answer that with one hundred percent certainty so she opted for silence.

When it became clear she wasn't going to answer, Lindstrom moved on. "Have you been leaving the breathing and grounding exercises we talked about last time?"

She wanted to tell him to f—k the breathing exercises, she just wanted her human security blanket back. She glanced at her watch, hoping this session would be over soon.

-000-

Olivia worked straight through lunch, trying to make up for the time she spent at therapy. Not that anyone cared if she made up the work or not. She just wanted to feel normal.

In the early afternoon Amanda texted her from the other side of the room.

A: Please tell me you've eaten something other than coffee.

Olivia met Amanda's eyes from across the room and Olivia knew she looked guilty.

O: I had some pretzels earlier. I'm fine.

By some pretzels she meant like two from a bag that still sat in her bottom desk drawer. She wasn't deliberately avoiding eating, it was just that nothing really sat well in her stomach.

A: Please try to eat something else. I have a sandwich if you want it.

Olivia decided to placate her.

O: I'll take it. Thanks.

A: Sorry if I'm being overbearing. I promised Stabler I'd make sure you stayed okay.

Olivia tried to insert a little humor into the conversation.

O: Ah. It all makes sense now. I knew I recognized that obsessive overprotectiveness somewhere.

A: Yeah sorry.

O: It's comforting in its own way lol.

A: Good because it seems annoying

O: Oh it's that too.

Only a few minutes later Elliot texted:

E: Work going okay? I can't remember. Did you have therapy today?

O: Works fine. I'm not talking about therapy.

E: That good huh?

O: Shouldn't you be sleeping off the jet lag or something?

E: Probably. Trying to stay awake a little longer.

O: Try thinking about a sadistic serial murder/rapist. Usually keeps me awake.

E: That was a little dark.

O: That's where my humor lives nowadays.

E: Call me after work?

O: You need to sleep

E: I need to talk to you more

O: I'll call later.

-000-

The next few days followed a predictable pattern. She and Amanda would come home from work, and find something to eat. They would watch dumb TV shows where they could both mock the characters mercilessly. Bedtime would sneak up on her, and she would lay for an eternity staring at the ceiling. When she fell asleep, she would be plagued by a horrifying nightmare, usually revolving around Elliot leaving, and her abduction. Before she had a chance to get pulled into a full blown flashback, Frannie would wake her up, and spend the rest of her night in her bed. Morning would roll around, and she would struggle to eat, down a bunch of coffee and get to work.

The predictability became somewhat comforting. She could do without the nightmares, but she was beginning to accept them as a natural part of her existence. More than anything she wished this two weeks was done and over with. Elliot texted throughout the day, and would call at least once. At least she knew he was thinking about her, but the fear of abandonment, while mildly irrational, still plagued her.

The day had been following the same predictability as the previous ones. She was already tired of desk work, but she knew she was far from ready to resume field work. Elliot had just texted during his normal daily check in. Her anxiety was high as usual, and the near constant ache in her stomach was annoying, but tolerable. She could admit the day was going well. At least until the afternoon. That's when all hell broke loose.