All three of them were exhausted by the time they got back to Olivia's apartment. They'd all avoided talking about everything for now. They were just too damn tired.

Elliot kept his hand on Liv the entire way back. He held out the apartment keys for Amanda who unlocked the door and let them in. Elliot dropped her bag of meds on the counter before turning towards Olivia, "What do you want? Nap or shower."

"I'm exhausted," she admitted. "I can shower after a nap."

He cupped her cheek gently and kissed her forehead lightly. "Let's get you to bed then."

He led her back to her room and helped her into bed, pulling the comforter around her. "Thank you," she whispered. She looked tired. Not just physically tired. Mentally tired too. He quelled the urge to punch something or someone . She didn't deserve any of this and he hated himself for bringing the added garbage into her life.

He kept the door cracked so he could hear her if she needed anything and wandered to the couch where Amanda sat sprawled out with Frannie's head on her lap.

He dropped down on the other side of the couch, and leaned back his back, resting his head on the couch back.

After staring at the ceiling for a minute he said, "I'm probably going to hell."

Amanda's eyes flicked over to his, "Save a spot for me," she said seriously.

"You religious?" He asked

"I'm from Georgia, remember? Bible Belt."

"I'm Catholic."

"I figured, ya know, name's a pretty good give away."

"Why are you going to hell? I can probably count ten different ways I'll get myself there."

"Divorce, for starters."

"Ah. You Catholics don't like that."

"Not really, no." His hand rubbed his forehead. "I'm living with a woman I'm not married to, while I'm still married to someone else, and it doesn't matter that we aren't sleeping together, because it's just a technicality at this point. Because for all intents and purposes I love her in a way I could never love my wife and I'm pretty sure God condemns that."

Amanda nodded in understanding, and gave Frannie a scratch behind the ears.

"Add to that I have thought of ten different ways to kill Brian."

"Only ten? I'm up to twenty three, and don't get me started on your wife."

Elliot groaned.

Amanda shifted her weight to the side so she faced Elliot. "Look," she started, "I don't think God is up there with a magic tallying system measuring our good deeds versus bad. The things you've told me, the 'sins' you've committed have either been things outside of your control or to help the person you love. It's not black and white. Life never is, and I like to believe that God accepts all of us, no matter what shade of gray our life sits in. Intentions matter and I'm sure the good you've done in your life far outweighs the bad."

Elliot digested that information, but his guilt was still eating at him. He probably needed to go to confession… honestly this was too deep of a conversation for how tired he was. He stood up. "I'm going to nap with Liv." He rubbed his forehead and sighed, then I need to talk to my wife."

Amanda gave him a sympathetic smile as he walked down the hall to join Liv in her bedroom.

-000-

He pulled up to Kathy's parents place, and wasn't prepared for the assault of memories. They were just kids when she got pregnant, and life got serious really fast. Neither of them knew who they were before they got married, and as time wore on, they realized they weren't a great match, but they made it work. They loved each other, in a way, but never in the way they should. They had kids, he worked a lot, and somehow they limped along. But then Olivia came along, and his marriage was never quite the same.

He took a breath and knocked on the door. He was not looking forward to any of this.

Thankfully Kathy answered the door, not one of her parents. Eli trailed behind her yelling, "Dad!" Before crashing into him.

Elliot gave his son a tight squeeze and squatted down to his eye level. "Hey buddy!"

"I got some new Legos and I built this cold rocket ship thing. Wanna see?"

Elliot gently squeezed his son's upper arms. "I need to talk to your mom for a minute and then you can show me all your Lego creations."

Eli pumped his fist, letting out an exuberant, "Yes!" He hurried back into the house and Kathy stepped out the door, shutting it behind her.

"Thought you were in Italy." She watched her feet, kicking a small pebble off the stoop.

Elliot tried to keep his voice even, but he sounded defensive and tense. "Well I had to hurry back for an emergency."

Kathy's face fell, "What happened?"

"I'm surprised you don't know. Seems like you figure things out before I have the chance to tell you," he said bitterly.

"Oh come on Elliot. Just tell me what happened."

He skirted around that story for a minute. "How about you tell me about your visit to the 1-6 first."

Kathy was instantly defensive. "I don't know what she told you, but it was very civil and I needed some things answered," she eyed him skeptically, "and I'm pretty sure my visiting Olivia wasn't an emergency."

"Can you not say her name like that?" The emphasis on her name immediately irritated him.

"Like what? God knows how you say my name to everyone else."

"That's not what this is about," his volume raised but at least he wasn't outright yelling at this point. "Why the hell did you go to see her? And it's not lost on me why you timed it while I was gone."

"You're making a big deal out of nothing, and blowing things completely out of proportion. I mean I should be used to the overreaction that comes with everything concerning her ." Her snide tone was baiting him, and the last thing he wanted to do was lose his shit at her parents house.

"What did you say to her? That's all I need to know. God, why is it so hard for you to just answer a simple question!?" Still not yelling, but getting close.

"Nothing!" She yelled, "I asked her if she called you about the trial and she said no. We talked about why I wanted out of this," she motioned between them, "and I told her I didn't blame her for everything." She shook her head angrily. "See? It's not like I came in screaming and calling her a bitch or anything. It was a civil conversation."

"Somehow I feel like I'm missing something because Olivia was hospitalized after you left!" Shit. Now he was yelling.

Her face registered genuine shock. "What happened? I swear I just talked to her and left."

"Whatever the hell you guys talked about was the straw that broke the camel's back because minutes after you left she was vomiting blood in her captain's trash can!"

"I swear Elliot. I tried to keep it civil."

"Whatever." He waved his hand dismissively at her, "we are just arguing in circles and it's pointless. Just do me a favor. Leave Olivia alone. She hasn't exactly had a great few months. Being kidnapped and tortured will do that to you, but God forbid you extend some empathy to her ."

He wanted to leave. He wanted to wash his hands of this conversation and get the hell out of here. But Eli.

Kathy mumbled something under her breath.

"You did not just say that! Are you f-ing kidding me?"

"You couldn't even let her own boyfriend take care of her!" Just when he thought this horrible conversation was over…

"Her boyfriend was an ass who cared about himself more than he ever cared about her!" His voice was shaking.

"Sounds familiar!"

"Are you serious!? This is not the same thing!"

"What? You putting your job and Olivia first, you know, the things you cared most about."

"Damn it Kath. I tried! I tried to make this work, I tried to prioritize you. I left the f-inf country. I ghosted her for years. I left her to deal with the worst type of monster . And it was never enough. To you I'll always be a selfish ass who always loved someone else." He turned towards his car. He would apologize to Eli. He couldn't be here anymore.

"Tell Eli I'll pick him up Saturday. I'll make it up to him."

"Oh sure. Blow him off too."

"Are you kidding me!?" He felt steam coming out of his ears at this point.

"Whatever Elliot, I'll just tell him what I always do. Daddy has to work . That's something he's used to. Something all the kids were used to."

He needed to leave. He didn't respond. He just turned and walked away. But she stopped him one more time.

"Wait."

He sighed, but complied. "What?"

"Just a sec." She hurried back into the house and back out. She held out some papers for him, and he knew what they were before even looking at them.

He snatched them from her grasp and stormed back to his car. He tossed the papers on the passenger seat, and looked up once more, watching his wife cry on the stoop as he drove away.

-000-

Olivia woke up a little disoriented. Her sleep schedule was all sorts of screwed up. She slipped out of bed and padded into the kitchen. Frannie bounced over to her in greeting so Olivia knew Amanda was still here… somewhere. She walked over to the couch and peeked over to see Amanda completely crashed out. She chuckled and made her way back to the kitchen.

She didn't see Elliot anywhere. She could have sworn he was in bed with her earlier, but she was so out of it she couldn't be sure. A note under some of her pills caught her eye.

Take these pills when you get up. Take the pain ones even if you don't think you need them. I'll be back in a little while. Amanda should still be there when you wake up. She was sleeping like the dead when I left.

El

She sighed, and shook the pills she needed out of the bottles. Hopefully Elliot just needed to go to the store or something. Part of her worried he went to confront Brian, and that was the last thing she wanted. She hoped he'd talk to her before doing that , but it was Elliot, and he wasn't exactly known for his long-suffering patience and forgiveness.

The worry got the best of her so she texted him.

O: Please tell me you aren't somewhere burying a body.

E: Funny. No, I'm actually on my way up now.

She tossed her phone to the counter and dug her discharge instructions out of the bag. Her dietary requirements were stapled to the other paperwork. She needed to see what she could actually eat. For the first time in a long time she was hungry.

She heard the key turn in the lock, and she hated how even though she knew who it was, it still made her heart pound in fear. As expected Elliot emerged from the hallway. He tossed the keys onto the counter and immediately enveloped her in a tight hug.

"You okay?" she knew he wasn't. She could almost feel the stress, sadness and tension radiating off of him.

He didn't say anything for a moment, and she knew he was keeping his emotions in check before answering, "I went to see Kathy," he murmured.

She closed her eyes and sighed, knowing this was going to be hard. She wasn't quite sure what to say, but Elliot kept talking, "I'm sorry Liv. This whole mess is my fault. Maybe if I had stayed away things would have been better for you."

She nearly tore herself from his arms. The tears started before she opened her mouth. "Don't say that." She shook her head, "I'll deal with anything if it means I can have you here."

He shook his head. "I'm not worth it Liv, and I think one day you might see that."

She grabbed his face, "You aren't listening to me. I need you. You don't get to run off and make decisions for the both of us anymore. I get a say over who I want in my life and I want you."

He pulled her back into his arms and she leaned into the warmth provided there. "Promise me you wont leave."

"I promise," he whispered.

He held her with her head tucked beneath his chin. "I take it things didn't go well with Kathy," she said into his neck.

"Not so much. No. And I was so mad I ditched Eli. So I'm feeling like a pretty shitty person right now."

"You're a great dad." she reassured.

"Not today."

"You'll make it up to him, and he will be okay. Things are difficult right now, but everything will settle." She kept her voice warm.

"Yeah I guess," he sighed. He held her for another minute before adding, "She gave me the divorce papers."

"God, El. That was a shitty visit."

"Yeah. I mean I knew it was coming. I know this is what needs to happen, but it feels horrible. I wanted us to work. I wanted Eli to have both parents." He let out a long breath. "I worry that I should have done more, tried harder," he let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know. Its all screwed up right now, and I don't know if I'm ever going to feel normal again."

"I know the feeling," Liv sympathized. She really did. It had been months since the abduction, and she still didn't feel normal. She was coming to the conclusion that she wouldn't feel normal ever again.

He pulled back to look at her face, "Did you take your meds?"

She nearly rolled her eyes. "Of course I did. I'm not an idiot and I don't ever want to feel that crappy ever again."

"Good." He kissed her forehead and stepped back. "Where's that paper that tells you what to eat? I'm hungry."

"Me too!" piped a voice from the other side of the couch.

Both Elliot and Olivia chuckled. "How long have you been awake over there?" asked Olivia.

"Somewhere around 'I went to visit Kathy.' Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt." She stood up and came around the couch. "Now that Elliot's back, I guess I can head back to my place."

"Actually, Amanda, do you mind staying tonight and with Liv tomorrow? The doctor wants her supervised and I have to meet with counterterrorism tomorrow if I still want a job."

"I'll need to check with Cragen but it shouldn't be an issue," she shot a teasing glance at Liv, "she's the favorite child. He'll give her whatever she needs."

"Don't I know it. I could get away with anything if Liv backed my play." He laughed.

"Right!?"

"Okay." Liv put her hand up, "No more bonding for you two. And for the record I get in just as much trouble as everyone else."

Both Amanda and Elliot snorted at the absurdity of that statement. "Sure Liv." Amanda laughed.

-000-

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Amanda sat in the driver's seat, and looked over at Liv nervously. "You don't need to do this now."

"Yes, I do." Her voice was firm.

"You just got out of the hospital. Maybe it should wait."

"I get what you're saying, but I want this done."

Amanda nodded in understanding. She would do the same thing. Elliot will be pissed later, but she figured Olivia knew what she was doing when it came to Elliot.

Olivia let out a long slow breath before opening the car door and walked towards the precinct