We are entering the territory of 'Beast's Obsession' all appropriate trigger warnings apply. It's going to take me a little longer on the next few chapters because I have to basically rewatch the episode scene by scene. Hang in there people!
Something felt off. Amanda watched Olivia and Elliot dance around each other in the kitchen, never touching. That was weird. They almost always brushed each other comfortably, and would touch each other when talking. There was no touching. Hell, there was no talking. The air of the apartment felt tense. Something happened.
She pretended to be interested in her yogurt cup, reading the nutrition label on the back. Woah, why does this have so much sugar? She could worry about that later. Her eyes flitted between her two friends shuffling around the kitchen.
They all readied themselves for the day in a heavy silence, much different than their more typical mornings filled with jokes and banter.
Amanda subtly watched him squeeze Olivia's hand, and say something in her ear, before he kissed her cheek quickly and hurriedly vacated the apartment.
Amanda wanted to scream what the hell happened!? But from the look on Olivia's face, she knew to leave it alone. Something happened. Something changed. But Amanda had no idea what.
-000-
She felt Amanda's eyes on her on the short walk from the car to the precinct. She was fine. Everything was fine. At least she hoped it was. If she was honest, she really had no idea, but she needed to shove back the discomfort and deal with it later.
They walked in total silence until she finally had enough of the tension. She needed a minute by herself without the concerned eyes of Amanda and Elliot rolling over her. Just two minutes to let herself breathe, feel, without constant observation.
She pushed her best smile, knowing it wasn't convincing, "I'm going to grab some coffee real quick," she motioned toward the cart, "you go ahead and go in. I'll be right behind you."
"Okay," Amanda's voice held an air of worry and suspicion, but she hurried towards the stairs, allowing Olivia a minute to breathe.
The coffee line moved quickly, more quickly than she liked because in a couple minutes she held her coffee in her hands and stared at the doors of the precinct. Part of her wanted to turn around and go home. Call in sick or something. A dark premonition gripped her belly. She pressed her hand there, hoping to release the tension.
Her body startled when her phone started ringing. Shit. It was probably Elliot. They needed to talk. They did. But she really wanted to survive this day first. She thought about ignoring him, just for a minute, just to let her head think clearly for a moment. She knew he would continue to call if she ghosted him, and he'd likely panic if she waited too long to answer.
She sighed and dug her phone out of her purse, but when she lifted the screen it wasn't Elliot's face popping up. It was someone else's. Someone she never thought she'd see again. Someone she hoped would stay in prison forever. Someone she wished would burn in hell.
" Morning Sunshine." Her stomach lurched. " I missed you."
-000-
Elliot kept picking up his phone, staring at it and then dropping it back onto his desk. He should call. He picked it up again. To say what exactly? He groaned, this time tossing his phone to the far side of his desk.
He dropped his head in his hands. Last night . As much as he wanted to replay every minute of last night, every second, the flood of complicated emotion that accompanied the memories was almost intolerable.
He couldn't think about this right now so pulled open his laptop. He had one more week of doubling down at work. He spent half his days wrapping up paperwork with Italy, and the other half moving through the pointless, repetitive training associated with his new position.
Just as he settled into a comfortable rhythm, and maintained his focus on the monotony of work rather than the feeling of Olivia's perfectly tanned skin underneath his fingers, his phone pinged. Three times in rapid succession. That was never good. His stomach sank, and he slowly reached for his phone, dreading what he'd find. Amanda. Shit.
Get your ass here NOW.
This is REALLY bad.
William Lewis escaped custody.
Everything fell away. The voices around him faded into distant echoes. Only one thing was important. Only one person. He rushed from his desk, keys in hand. He needed to be with Olivia.
-000-
She was really starting to hate these bunks. There was no way in hell she would ever be able to sleep here ever again.
She sat on one of the lower bunks with her knees drawn into her chest. Amanda sat on the other end of the bed, muscles taught, feet flat on the floor. She dropped back into her role as self-appointed sentinel.
Olivia focused on the zipper of her boots, counting and recounting the number of zipper teeth. Outside the door she heard a rumble of noises. Mostly the yelling and arguing of her superiors. The movement of extra officers and the shuffling of their feet on the floor echoed through the halls of the precinct.
An electric charge filled the air. Those who previously witnessed the horrors of William Lewis looked terrified. Those who were new to the case looked jazzed. They wouldn't be once they saw the casefiles, or his work in person. No one was ever the same after that.
Her head popped up when she heard the argument grow heated, and she immediately knew he was here.
His booming voice carried through the closed door, "What the actual f—k is happening!? How the hell did he get out!?" She heard his heavy footsteps pacing.
LThere were more murmurs followed by, "Who are you?" Olivia visibly winced at the aggressive tone in his voice. She knew he was probably well past consolable, and adding complete strangers to this 'team' probably throttled his already weak trust in the NYPD's ability to recapture William Lewis.
Amanda shifted her weight and lifted one leg underneath her. She must have heard the same heated discussions Olivia picked up on. "Sounds like he's meeting Captain Murphy." Amanda observed.
"Yeah," Olivia said softly.
"You okay?" Amanda's eyes bore into hers in an attempt to excise the truth.
"I'd be better if he was dead." Olivia said darkly. She knew Amanda was precisely aware of who she was talking about.
"I think we would all be," Amanda agreed.
Olivia shook her head before laying it down onto her folded arms. "I wished I'd killed him," she admitted, her eyes focused on the wall.
"Why didn't you?" Amanda asked honestly. Olivia turned her head to answer but Amanda added, "If I survived what he put you through, I would have killed him in an instant. No questions asked."
"I thought I was going to. I thought I could. " She felt tears pricking at her eyes and she hated this. Whatever security she gained since her rescue had effectively been demolished. "And he taunted me, you know." Olivia let out a frustrated groan. "It was like he knew my every weak point and exploited it." She covered her mouth with her hand in order to muffle her oozing emotion. "I wanted him dead . I thought I might have killed him, but," she shook her head with anger, "but I couldn't. He's a f-ing monster and I couldn't kill him. He wanted me to, but I couldn't."
"You couldn't be him," Amanda observed.
"I think that's maybe it, but I don't know. I've shot to kill. All of us have. If anyone in the world deserved to die, it was him, but I couldn't do it." She motioned towards the mass chaos exploding on the other side of the door. "And all of this is happening. He's free. He will come for me, and he will kill anyone in order to get to me." Her tears were free falling and she aggressively wiped them away. "Whatever happens now, whoever gets hurt, whoever dies, I feel responsible for. If I would have done what was necessary all of us would be safe right now."
"You don't know that Liv."
"Don't I?" She sat up sharply. "I left him alive to terrorize others. Maybe it's better if I just give myself up now so he doesn't kill anyone else."
Amanda's face fell, clearly astounded at her comment. "You can't be serious." The intensity of Amanda's gaze made Olivia's eyes drop to the crisp gray sheets beneath her. "Olivia. There is no way in hell that I will let him get to you again. There is no way Stabler will leave you for even a second. You have an entire team out there, ready to put it all out on the line to keep you safe." Amanda's voice caught, "Do you think we would do that for nothing? Do you think any of us would recover if he killed you?" Amanda dropped another heavy blow, "What about Elliot? Do you think he would EVER forgive himself if he allowed this Lewis to get you, a second time?"
Olivia felt the tears coming as a steady stream of water down her face. "It's just…"
Amanda slid closer to Olivia so she could place her warm hand onto her shaking shoulder. "You may not think you are worth all this . I have no idea what your life has been like, but I'm fairly certain it's been as f-ed up as mine. Whatever voice telling you that you aren't worth all of this ," she again motioned to the continual energy taking place on the other side of the door, "is wrong. We're your people , and we all want to take down this bastard with you."
Olivia leaned into Amanda's shoulder, and thanked God for the people in her life. Her family.
-000-
After speaking, and sort of yelling, at the higher ranking officers, he decided at this point it was better to retreat and find Olivia. He had zero say in the logistics of this upcoming operation, hell, Liv didn't get much of a say either. At this point, all he could do was be with her .
His chest tightened a little at that thought. His stomach turned. He had to be with her this time. God knows if he screwed this up, he didn't ever deserve another chance.
He peeked through the small glass pane of the door separating the bunks from the rest of the precinct. His stomach dropped at the strange feeling of Deja vu that overcame him as he watched Amanda carefully watching over Olivia. The scene looked too familiar, and the pain looked nearly the same.
Thank God for Amanda. He thought. Liv couldn't have done any of this shit without her…and honestly, he couldn't either.
Are things weird because they DID have sex or because they DIDN'T? …
You all ready for this next arch?
