Olivia felt weightless. Like she was floating. She was somewhere, but nowhere at the same time. She heard the buzz of voices surrounding her, but her eyelids felt glued shut.

Suddenly, memories from the past few days accosted her senses, and jarring reality rained down. She couldn't breathe. Elliot. Where is Elliot?

She jolted into a sitting position and ripped her eyes open. The bright hospital lights created a halo effect on everyone around her. Her eyes focused on the pair of hands steadying her shoulders. Nick. This had to be a dream. No way Lewis escaped. This was the content of her worst nightmares, not her reality. It had to be a dream. But the look in Nick's eyes, the terror and worried concern made her realize that this was real. Horrifyingly real.

Her throat felt like she swallowed sand. She had a question, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. Her heart pounded nervously when she asked, "Elliot?"

The look on Nick's face sent her over the edge. "Where is he?" She flipped her legs over the edge of the bed, with the intention of wandering the hospital halls until she found him. He had to be alive. Her mind couldn't comprehend the possibility of his death. She couldn't think about that.

She tried to stand, but the movement tugged on her IV and she became a tangled mess of tubes. "Liv," Nick untangled the tubes. "You need to stay down. You were extremely dehydrated, and you hadn't been taking your meds for your ulcer so they need to do a couple scans to make sure it hasn't started bleeding again."

"I don't care about any of that," she swatted Nick's hands out of the way. "I need to find Elliot."

Nick gripped her upper arms and shook her lightly. Once he had her full attention he spoke slowly and calmly. Problem was, no matter how calm he was, he couldn't change the storm of brutal anxiety swirling within her.

"Elliot is still in surgery. It's pretty bad."

She felt herself start to hyperventilate. "Liv, you have to slow down. I need you to breathe for me."

She focused on the feel of his hands gripping her arms and tried to slow down. Once her breathing started coming in slow even breaths, Nick continued. "He's alive. Okay? It's bad, but he is alive."

The words echoed. Her head hurt. And ask much as she loved Nick, he was not the man she wanted right now. She just wanted Elliot, and she didn't even try to stop the tears. She dropped her body back onto the bed, and curled up into herself. She wasn't okay, and she would never be okay if Elliot didn't make it. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, as she prayed to Elliot's God. She needed a miracle.

-000-

Amanda paced the hall. One arm crossed across her body and she chewed nervously on her thumb nail. "Stabler, if you die on her I swear…" she muttered to herself.

Abruptly, the once quiet hallway became a flurry of activity. She recognized the oldest woman immediately. It was Kathy. She bursted in, with a couple of her daughters trailing behind her. She looked around frantically, but there wasn't a nurse in sight.

Amanda turned away from the group, hoping she wouldn't have to engage. She didn't exactly have the kindest of feelings for Kathy. Her fingernails had almost been worn down to the quick. Something within her filled with sympathy. "Damn it." She muttered. Why couldn't she just be a crappy person for once. Ugh. She took a breath and headed down the hall towards the group of blonde women.

They must not have noticed her approach because she had to say Kathy's name before the woman turned around.

Amanda had never met the woman in person. She had seen a picture or two. Mostly the family pictures she saw when they dropped out of Elliot's boxes when he moved in. She was pretty, but in a completely different way than Olivia. Kathy, with her blonde hair and blue eyes stood in stark contrast to Olivia's dark hair and brown eyes. The women couldn't look more different.

Amanda cleared her throat. "I'm, uh, Amanda Rollins. I work with…" She suddenly realized Kathy may not be thrilled at the mention of Olivia. "I work in SVU."

"Oh with Olivia?" One of the daughters piped in. She looked familiar, but Amanda couldn't remember her name.

"Yeah," Amanda gave her an uneasy smile. Her eyes darted over to Kathy, who didn't seem uncomfortable with the mention of Olivia.

"Do you know what's happening with my dad? That's why you're here right? To keep everyone updated on what the doctors say?"

That was exactly why she was here, but not really to keep everyone updated. She was here to keep Olivia updated. "Yeah, uh," she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to focus on what they told her at the last update. She wanted them to get the information, but she didn't know how much sugar coating they might need.

"I'm not sure what anyone's told you about the situation."

"We know about William Lewis." Kathy finally spoke quietly. Amanda tried to keep a neutral facial expression, even when she was screaming on the inside. She knew Kathy was talking about the current William Lewis situation, but she had also known about the original William Lewis situation…and didn't tell Elliot. That made Amanda's blood boil.

Amanda controlled the distaste in her voice. "It's all a long story, and I can talk to you about it later if you want, but medically speaking, it's touch and go right now." She watched all three women suck in an anxious breath simultaneously. "His shot took down Lewis, but Lewis fired a shot at the same time. The bullet passed through his right lung, and nicked a sizable blood vessel. His lung collapsed on scene, and he experienced a lot of blood loss. They haven't given me a lot of information, but he is still alive. He's had two blood transfusions, and they successfully retrieved the bullet. They told me right now they are doing the repairs on the lung while continually draining fluid." Amanda stopped. This was a lot of information, and she hoped she wouldn't have to rehash it a million times.

The blood had drained from Kathy's face, and both girls were melting into puddles of tears. Amanda shifted her weight awkwardly. She wasn't exactly sure what to do at this point. It's not like she could walk away, but she also had zero desire to jump in and grieve with these people she barely knew.

One of Elliot's daughters surprised her when witg tear filled blue eyes she asked, "How is Olivia?"

Kathleen. That one must be Kathleen. "Um, she's okay. She hadn't slept for days and she was pretty dehydrated when she came in. She passed out before getting to the hospital. They gave her fluids, and braced a wrist fracture, but she's otherwise okay."

Kathleen nodded, and Amanda was grateful at least one of the women cared about what happened to Olivia.

"I want to see her, but I want to wait for an update on Dad."

"I can take you to her after we get an update." Amanda gave the girl a genuine smile. "She'll be happy to see you."

Kathleen returned a sad smile, and returned her attention to her mom and sister. With that situation taken care of, Amanda went back to her pacing.

-000-

"Take me over there." Olivia demanded.

"No Liv, you need to sit and rest. Amanda is waiting for news. She'll tell us if anything changes." Nick was begging her to stay put.

"No." The word was spoken firmly. Stubbornly.

"You haven't really slept in days, Liv. You need to rest."

She slid her legs off the bed again. "I'm going and you can either watch me stumble down the hall on my own or you can help me."

She began to scoot off the bed and he stopped her. "Fine, Fine. Has anyone told you how stubborn you are?"

"All the time."

"Let me at least get you a wheelchair please?" He asked. She reminded herself he was just trying to take care of her and she needed to let him.

It felt mortifying, but if a wheelchair was the way to get there, she'd do it. "Yeah okay."

Nick disappeared for a moment, but returned with a wheelchair and a nurse. The nurse untangled the random tubes. They had to be precautionary, because she hadn't been seriously injured. Her wrists throbbed, particularly the one with the brace, but that was nothing compared to the dire situation with Elliot. He couldn't die. He just couldn't.

Nick wheeled her in silence, but she needed to talk. She needed to get out of her own head. She needed to think about something else. Something other than Elliot bleeding out on the floor, struggling to breathe. "How's Zara?"

He smiled, "Really good. Life is crazy, but she is doing great. I hate how fast she's growing up."

The last time she say Zara she was looking less like a little girl and more and more grown up. "I bet."

Nick continued, probably realizing she needed small talk right now. "She's doing great in school. Maria wants to get her into this accelerated school, but I'm not sure about it."

"Why not?" Liv asked.

"I don't know. It's great that she does well in school, but I don't want to push her so hard that she forgets to be a kid. It's probably silly, but I want her to have the best childhood, and not be stressed out before her life even begins."

"I can understand that. It's a balancing act. I'm sure it's hard to decide how to prepare for her future without blowing past the present."

"Exactly." He pushed her down another hall. "I think Amanda is around the corner somewhere. I stayed with you while she went with Elliot so I haven't actually been over here yet."

For a minute her heart swelled. They had joked that she, Amanda, and Elliot were some kind of jacked up family. This exact situation made it glaringly obvious that they really were. Amanda knew that if Olivia couldn't be here for him, she needed to be. She always had Olivia's back, and now, by extension, she had Elliot's back too.

Nick pushed her around the last corner, and as expected, she found Amanda nervously pacing the hallway. What she wasn't prepared for was the three blonde women standing in a group further down the hall. She gripped the arms of the wheelchair and nearly asked Nick to take her back before anyone noticed her. Just as she tilted her head to tell Nick to get her out of here, a voice echoed through the hall.

"Olivia!" Kathleen broke away from Kathy and Maureen who watched her uncomfortably as Kathleen ran down the hallway.

In a flash Kathleen knelt in front of the wheel chair. "Are you okay? Can I hug you?"

Olivia nodded hesitantly, and Katie's arms wrapped around her. "I'm so glad your okay, Liv. I was so worried."

Olivia returned the hug, but she didn't know what to say. Right now, she sat in a wheelchair, perfectly fine, and this sweet girl's dad was on the operating table. If he died, she would be responsible. She was the one who left without backup, knowing Elliot would follow her. He was dying, and she felt the heavy weight of responsibility.

Kathleen released her and stood. She wiped her tears with the palms of her hands. "Sorry, I have been a hot mess since all of this started."

"It's okay," Olivia tried to soothe, but it felt forced. None of them knew if it was going to be okay.

Kathleen looked over her shoulder at her mother and sister, and Olivia's gaze inadvertently fell on Kathy. Her eyes were intensely focused on Liv. It was disconcerting, and Olivia wanted to leave, but she wouldn't.

For the first time she felt like she and Kathy stood on equal ground. Kathy was the mother of his children, and she would always have that bond. But now, Olivia held a place with equal weight. She was Elliot's partner, in every way, and he loved her. Whatever happened next, Olivia would not be shoved aside. Not anymore