Amanda used her key to get into Liv's apartment. Funny how they all kept calling it Liv's apartment, when in reality it was her's and Elliot's. Frannie bounded down the hall in greeting. "Oh hey sweet girl." She scratched behind her ears. "It's been pretty lonely here the last few days hasn't it?"
Frannie's tail wagged in response. Amanda wandered into the kitchen and pulled the bag of dog food from its permanent place of residence in the cupboard. After scooping out some food and refilling Frannie's water she laughed. This might have been Olivia and Elliot's apartment, but she basically lived here. Her apartment had turned into a sort of storage locker. Frannie basically lived here full time. It was easier than carting her back and forth.
While Frannie ate, Amanda slipped into Liv and Elliot's room. She told Liv she'd grab her some clothes and her make up bag while she was here.
Amanda fished a backpack out of the hall closet and headed back into the room. It felt a little invasive picking through Olivia's drawers, but she really needed clothes and Amanda doubted Olivia planned on leaving the hospital anytime soon. She probably wouldn't leave until Elliot left.
They were cute, her two friends. Totally dysfunctional, but cute. It was nice to see Liv happy…for once. Amanda only ever knew Olivia in the post- Stabler era, and the different Olivia was striking.
She found the clothes she needed so she headed into the bathroom. Olivia's makeup bag was left out from the day the horror show began. Amanda scooped up what makeup was left out on the counter and dug out her toothbrush and toothpaste. She zipped up the backpack and slung it over shoulder. She gave Frannie another pat as she headed out the door.
-000-
"Liv."
She groaned. Who the hell was talking? Her eyes opened, and reality came crashing down. She was in the hospital, with Elliot, who had a GSW to the chest. She would give anything to go back to sleep, pressed against Elliots warm body.
The fluorescent bulbs cast an odd light as her eyes adjusted, and she could finally see who was talking to her. "Nick," she groaned, shutting her eyes, and settling back into Elliot's shoulder.
"I know. I'm sorry, but I can't put off IAB anymore."
She groaned again, "Tell them I died."
He chuckled. "Somehow I don't think they would believe me."
She sighed. Couldn't they just let her sleep? "Tell them I'm not leaving until he does."
"Liv." Nick's scolding tone was a little annoying, but he was right. She was just putting off the inevitable.
She finally sat up, ready to face the music. Her legs swung off the bed, and her socked feet touched down on the linoleum floor. Her muscles groaned from the movement. She was so damn sore. "Let me at least wash my face. I feel like a zombie."
"Yeah, okay. I'll walk you down when you're ready." Nick leaned against the wall near the hall door.
She gave him a quick smile before shutting herself in the bathroom.
-000-
The painkillers gave him weird dreams. None of which were good. His eyes felt cemented shut, but God, he wanted out of his unconscious mind. He became vaguely aware of the absence of Liv's warm body tucked against his side. That made him want to wake up even less. What was the point if she wasn't there? Still, vivid disjointed nightmares were far worse than his painful reality right now.
The hospital lights felt blinding as he peeled his eyelids open. When he saw who sat in the chair next to him, he almost preferred the opiate induced hallucinations. He swallowed. His throat felt cracked and dry. "Hey Kathy." His voice felt hoarse.
"Hey," she smiled small in response.
He shifted his weight to sit up better, but the movement ended in breath stealing pain. "Ah," the gasp escaped his lips.
She stood up suddenly, hands over him, but not touching. "Hey just stay down okay." She glanced towards the door. "Katie is here too."
He tried to relax, but he felt like all his muscles were tightening in response to the pain. He wanted to ask where Olivia was, but he knew there was a reason Kathy was here in Olivia's place. It wasn't like he could leave the room, so he had to stick around to hear whatever she had to say.
Kathleen came over, standing close to her mother. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and that made him want to cry too. He lifted his hand and Kathleen took it. "Sorry baby. Sorry for scaring you."
Kathleen's hand covered her mouth, trying to stifle the sound of her tears. She could only give him a light nod in response.
The three sat in awkward silence for a bit, gathering their thoughts. Kathleen spoke first. She could never handle long extended silences. "Olivia asked us to come up while she met with IAB."
Olivia was meeting with IAB and he was stuck in a room with his soon to be ex wife. Sounded like the start of a fun day.
"Maureen was here but she had to get back to work. Once you are transferred out of ICU the others want to come see you." Kathleen leaned in and dropped a kiss on his forehead. "I love you Dad." She took a step back and dropped his hand.
She made her way towards the door, and Elliot wanted to scream for his buffer to come back, but she gave a little wave, "I gotta get out of here before the nurses catch me up here. They are pretty strict on the one family member rule." She gave him one more smile before slipping out the door.
With her absence, the air hung heavy around them. Elliot couldn't seem to find the energy to start whatever discussion Kathy obviously wanted to have. For a moment the only sound was the rhythmic beeping of his heart rate monitor.
Finally Kathy gathered the courage to speak first. Her voice stayed low. "I'm sorry Elliot."
That caught his attention, and his eyes flicked over to hers. He couldn't hide his skepticism, "For what exactly."
"So many things…" she admitted. He wasn't sure how to react so he just waited. "I'm sorry for not telling you what happened to Olivia when it happened."
Oh. It was nice to hear, but he wasn't sure he was ready to forgive her for that.
"And the trial…"
Oh boy. He wasn't sure he could listen to this. She timed this perfectly. He kind of wondered if she was waiting for something like this so she could talk to him without him walking away. At this point, all he could do was stare at his hands.
"I…" she started, but hesitated. "I just… I don't know why I did the things I did. I know some of it was jealousy. Things had never really been good between us…ever… and I hated that things with you and Olivia were always so…easy."
"Kathy. You have to know that I tried."
Her gaze dropped to the floor. "I know. And I know she tried too. She tried to make you better for me, and for the kids, but it just wasn't working…and I think it was because.:." She sucked in a breath. "You were always in love with her, Elliot. Anyone could see that, and it didn't matter that you always came home to me because I knew there was somewhere you'd rather be."
"It's more complicated than that, Kath."
"Is it though? You fight for her more than I've seen you fight for anyone…including me." She motioned towards him laying in a hospital bed. "You risked your life, everything, for her."
"Kathy, I…"
She waved him off. "I'm not blaming you Elliot. I'm not mad. Maybe sad, but I think I'm more mad at myself."
He finally let his eyes lift to hers, and he was surprised by the sincerity he found there.
"I'm mad at myself because if I would have let go, then none of this would have happened. If I could have let go, I think all three of us could have been happier." She wiped the tears pressing at the corners of her eyes. "I feel like in some screwed up way, I'm the reason you're stuck in this bed, and I'm the reason that man ever got to Olivia."
"You know that's not true," he tried.
"No. I don't. And I'm not sure you can convince me otherwise, but I'm not here to have you make me feel better. I guess I'm here to just apologize. And…" she swallowed, "and um, I'm trying to let you go." She took a shaky breath. "God. Watching her in the hallway… I felt like such a selfish bitch. She loves you more than I ever could, and you…" she reached for his hand and to his surprise he didn't withdraw. "God Elliot, you love her in a way you could never love me. And it hurts, but it's okay." She removed her hand from his and stood. Her hands clung to the strap of her purse. "The divorce should be finalized any day now, and I…" she dabbed her palm at her watering eyes. "I might need some space for a while, but when you're feeling better and up to it, I want to set a schedule for you and Eli. He needs his dad, and um…I think I want him to get to know Liv."
That comment surprised him enough to pry words from his mouth that had been largely absent from this conversation, "wait what?"
"I know it's weird, but the other kids know Liv. He doesn't, and I know she will always be a part of the kids' lives…and to some extent my life…and I want things to be normal for him. I'm tired of fighting all of this, and I just want to find a rhythm that works for all of us, and I don't want Eli to have any resentments moving forward."
"Like Dickie…" Elliot murmured.
Kathy sighed, "He'll come around. You know he will. He just…you know he's my boy and he saw his mom hurting and I don't know… he might be a little protective of the ones he loves." She gave him a soft smile. "A little like someone else I know."
Honestly, his strained relationship with Richard was heavily due to their similar natures. They were just too damn similar. Dickie fiercely protected his mother about as fiercely as Elliot protected Olivia, and that often put them at odds.
She moved closer to the door, but turned again to face him. "Elliot?"
"Hmmm?" He was starting to feel drowsy again.
"Don't do anything stupid, like die on us. Okay?"
He opened his eyes and was surprised by the teasing glint in her eyes.
"I may be trying to move on, but I will never forgive you for dying on me or our kids…" she swallowed uncomfortably, "or Olivia."
"Thanks Kathy." And he meant it. This visit he thought would be a horrific battle scene was actually cathartic. They could finally acknowledge the difficulties that always kept them apart. They could finally accept that the best thing they could do now was get out of each other's way. Maybe they could be happy. He hoped she could be happy.
"Bye Elliot." She gave him one more sad glance, and walked out the door.
-000-
