-January 10th, 9:00am / Joseph & Roxy's house-

Roxy opened her eyes and attempted to configure an elaborate plan for what she was going to do as the day rolled by. Mandy, the nurse assigned to do home check-ups, already had performed her weekly visit yesterday and had deemed the baby healthy. Still, the blonde couldn't help but be plagued with worry.

After she had told Joseph about the abuse, he had been even more empathetic. He installed a mini fridge next to the bed so she'd only have to get up to use the bathroom, purchased several fantasy book series for her to read over the next six months, and begun creating an entire savory menu just for her peculiar cravings. They had been nearly inseparable, but today he finally had to go back to the bakery to begin wrapping up construction and installation. To say that she was lonely was a bit of an understatement, and Frigglish had barely any interest in sitting on her lap all day.

Sighing, she looked through her phone contacts. Rose had texted her earlier with a long list of interesting sites that she could visit on her computer and a warning to not text her until after one. Kanaya as well had sent her several different pictures of fabrics for curtains for the nursery, and even Terezi had sent some encouraging messages. She had yet to tell her parents about what happened—in fact, she hadn't been in contact with them since shortly after her wedding. Do they even know about the baby? she wondered as her phone began to ring. "Hello?" she said, slightly irritated. "Egbert residence, Roxy speaking."

"Hey, Roxy!" said Vriska a little too brightly. "I was wondering if you'd like me to come over and clean, because I'm right around your house, and Casey wants to see you."

"Oh! Um...sure," said Roxy carefully. "I'd actually really like that."

"And do you want Starbucks or anything?" asked Vriska. "If caffeine is okay. I mean, I could totally get you a smoothie or something."

"Um, my doctor said no coffee or tea, but I'm pretty sure a fruit smoothie would be okay?" said Roxy, hesitantly checking the list of "do not eats." "Yes! Vriska, thank you so much."

"See you soon!" said Vriska, and they both hung up. Roxy sighed and placed her palm over her stomach. It had recently become slightly convex, and she was pleased with the results.

"Hey, baby," she murmured, opening up the laptop and powering it up. "Let's check out this 'Tumblr' thing…"

Twenty minutes later, Roxy had not only created her own blog, but had realized that she really enjoyed reading the personal stories under the "sexual abuse" tag. She had basically pushed her trauma into the recesses of her brain and was only starting to think about it a few days before she had the miscarriage. Will had tried to contact her once when Rose was barely in kindergarten, asked her how she was doing in a sickeningly polite manner, and then laughed when she told him to never call her again. She had put down the phone, shaking, and picked up a bottle of fizzy champagne, drinking into blackness. That entire year was actually a blur between trying to look nice for conferences with Rose's teacher and embracing porcelain. She didn't really remember anything—a few affairs at some point, but she never got their names. That would've made the entire experience real.

Sighing deeply, Roxy leaned back and exited Tumblr, trying to blink off another bout of hunger. "Goddammit," she whispered, reaching into the mini fridge and retrieving several tiny spinach and feta quiches. "Stupid, stupid…"

There was the creaky sound of the door opening downstairs, and she could hear Casey running up the stairs. "Not so fast, Peanut," called Vriska in a warning tone, and the door to the bedroom swung open, the toddler's cheeks bright pink as she grinned at the occupant on the bed.

"Gammy," said Casey, climbing on the bed (after kicking off her boots). "I'm gonna be doctor."

"Really?" inquired Roxy with a faint smile. She stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes. "Ooooh, Doctor Casey, I'm so sick…"

Vriska entered and laughed as Casey made a serious expression and poked Roxy's cheek. "You need cookies," said Casey, sternly wagging her finger back and forth. "Lots."

"Casey, you can't use reverse psychology on Miss Roxy," said Vriska, handing her step-mother-in-law a bright pink strawberry smoothie. "Sorry, I got her the whipped cream shake thing, and she's still hyper…"

Roxy smiled weakly and set her computer down next to the bed. "Thank you for coming over, Vriska," she said quietly, curling her fingers in Casey's long dark brown hair. "I honestly haven't been able to remove myself to do anything relatively productive, and—"

"Roxy, it's okay," said Vriska, flashing her bright white fangs. "I'll get the litter box and anything else you need. Just call me if you need anything, okay?"

She went downstairs, and Casey turned her focus to Roxy, big blue eyes flashing. "Gammy," she said slowly, smiling. "Cookies."

Roxy sighed and reached into her "super secret sweet stash" which she still could not eat due to persistent nausea. "Here you go, sweetie," she said, yawning and stretching. "Do you maybe want me to read you a story?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Casey, stuffing the entirety of the cookie into her mouth. "Gammy."

"Yes?" asked Roxy, still trying to comprehend being called "Gammy" on any level. "Is something wrong?"

"Party?" asked Casey uncomfortably, and Roxy blinked. "Sick?"

"A little bit, sweetie," said Roxy with a sigh. "I'm...just a bit under the weather?"

Casey frowned and made a tiny face. "Baby?"

Oh, god, thought Roxy, blinking rapidly. "What...about it?"

"Baby okay?"

Roxy inhaled. "I hope so, Casey."

Casey looked confused at how to carry on before resting her head on Roxy's lap and kissing her stomach. "Cute," she said, yawning. "Story?"

"Of course," said Roxy, glad to have some kind of change of subject. She reached at random for a book and found herself holding Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. "Does this look good? There aren't any pictures, but it's really interesting."

"Yes," said Casey, her eyes closed. "Start."

Roxy swallowed and opened the book. "Okay. Um..."


-9:15 am (standard galactic time) / Brooding Caverns on Alternia-

The transportalizer was primed for action, glowing slightly in the darkness of the massive chamber of the brooding cavern. Porrim was busy inserting the coordinates for destination, but Tavros couldn't exactly concentrate on the conversation being held in low voices between the other refugees. The egg was constantly shifting positions, and even though he hadn't been showing for very long, he couldn't help but feel a little bit overwhelmed at his bodily functions. His heftsacks were one of the main sources of discomfort: in the last week or so, they had engorged slightly and now rubbed against the inside of his shirt with the same sort of irritation caused typically by his cat allergy. Speaking of which, Nepeta was staring at her feet and lazily sipping a Faygo, washing the face paint of the subjugglators off of her face.

It was stupid, trying to mask themselves as highbloods, but there really wasn't another option to get into the brooding caverns. Only jade-bloods who were certified as attendants of the last Mother Grub and slavers were allowed onto the site. "Tav, stop looking so fuckin' pissy in your britches and try to help me out," said Eridan in a low growl, who was pushing brush out of the way and barricading the transportalizer from any potential assailants. Tavros still wasn't completely sure why Ampora had even offered to help them escape; after all, as royalty, he was essentially set for life on Alternia and the surrounding colonized planets, but Cronus, his progenitor, had left for Earth nearly a sweep ago and hadn't been heard from ever since, just like...ugh.

Gamzee had completely broken off contact, and Tavros was beyond worried at the implications. Ever since his matesprit had left early in the rainy season, Tavros had been racked with anxieties. Either he had been culled by imperial drones (highly unlikely given his blood status and potential to rise as the next Grand Highblood) or had escaped to Earth, which didn't make nearly as much sense seeing as he was engaged in a somewhat healthy matespritship and had no alliances on the alien planet—at least, that anyone knew of. The moirallegiance with Karkat had ended around the six sweep mark, and the failed kismesistude with Terezi had essentially pushed both the teal-blood and Vriska over the edge. That left Kanaya as the only option, but Tavros wasn't sure if they had ever had any kind of friendship to begin with.

"Tavros, your husk is glowing," said Nepeta nervously, and he winced before quickly logging into the Trollian interface. No new messages, of course, but a brief reminder that the system required an update in order to continue running at full efficiency.

"Fuck it," he mumbled, taking the chance to begin messaging Gamzee.


-adiosToreador began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 9:20-

AT: gAMZEE, wHERE ARE YOU,

AT: eVERYTHING ON ALTERNIA, wELL, iT'S GONE TO SHIT, aND I'M SCARED,

AT: i MISS YOU, sO FUCKING MUCH,,, aND ME AND SOME, uM, oTHERS ARE ESCAPING TONIGHT, sO WE CAN HAVE A REUNION,,

TC: HoLd tHe fUcK Up tAvBrO.

TC: I'M SoRt oF In a fLuShEd rEdRoM AnD I CaN'T ReAlLy bReAk tHiNgS OfF

TC: PlUs iDk iT JuSt wAsN'T WoRkInG OuT BeTwEeN Us pAl

TC: SoRrY

AT: aRE YOU KIDDING ME,

AT: gAMZEE, i LOVE YOU,

TC: Um yEaH AbOuT ThAt

AT: wHAT,

AT: i, i REALLY NEED TO TELL YOU, sOMETHING KINDA IMPORTANT

TC: SaMe aCtUaLlY

TC: CaUsE I FoUnD A MoThErFuCkIn sUpEr rAd nInJeTtE

TC: AlSo sHe's kInD Of hUmAn

AT: yOU'RE, wITH A HUMAN,

TC: YeAh

TC: Uh

TC: We'rE HaViNg a wIgGlEr

AT: pLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING,,

TC: Ha nO

TC: It's a fUcKiN' mIrAcLe iF YoU GeT WhAt i'm sAyInG

AT: lET ME GET THIS, uH, sTRAIGHT

AT: yOU PAILED WITH A HUMAN

AT: aND NOW SHE'S WRIGGLED UP

TC: YeAh iT'S AcTuAlLy pReTtY GrEaT

TC: It's gOnNa bE A BoY

TC: TaVbRo i'm gOnNa bE A DaDdY :O)

TC: LiKe wE'Re gOnNa dO StErEoTyPiCaL HuMaN ShIt lIkE ThRoWiNg sOfTbAlLs aNd wHaTeVeR AnD It's gOiNg tO Be gReAt

AT: gAMZEE,

AT: i NEVER THOUGHT, tHAT I'D ACTUALLY HAVE TO ASK THIS,

AT: bUT ARE YOU FUCKED IN THE THINKPAN

TC: HeY MaN YoU NeVeR GoT On mE AbOuT SoPoR WhEn i wAs bUlGe dEeP In yOuR NoOk :O)

TC: Yo iF YoU'Re gOiNg tO TrAnSpOrTaLiZe hErE CoUlD YoU BrInG SoMe cAuSe mY SuPpLy iS LoW

TC: DoN'T WaNnA Be sOmE RaGiNg bUtTfUcK AgAiN

AT: oKAY,

AT: i'LL BRING SOPOR,

AT: bUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMETHING,,

TC: ShOoT ThE ShIt pUpA PaN

AT: i'M WRIGGLED UP,

TC: CoNgRaTs mAn wHo fIlLeD YoUr qUaDs

AT: aRE,

AT: aRE, yOU FUCKING KIDDING,,,

AT: gAMZEE, yOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I'VE EVER PAILED WITH

TC: So lIkE ImMaCuLaTe cOnCePtIoN Or sOmE ShIt

AT: oH MY GOD

AT: yOU ARE RETARDED

TC: FuCkIn jEgUs mAn wHaT Is iRrItAtInG YoUr sHaMe gLoBeS :O(

AT: yOU KNOW WHAT, fUCK THIS

AT: i DON'T WANT YOU TO COME BY ME,

AT: eVER THE FUCK AGAIN,

TC: Is tHiS A PiTcH ThInG

TC: BeCaUsE I'M ToTaLlY OpEn tO ThAt

TC: MiGhT NoT Be gOoD FoR YoUr gRuB BuT WhAtEvEr

TC: I AiNt tAkIn nO BuLgE

AT: fUCK YOU

AT: fUCK YOUR MATESPRIT

AT: aND FUCK YOUR STUPID HYBRID WIGGLER

TC: ThAt's fUcKiNg hArSh

AT: aLSO FUCK YOUR BULGE

AT: bECAUSE, i FAKED IT EVERY TIME,

TC: FuCk tHiS MaN

TC: SoRrY ThAt yOu'rE A HoRmOnAl mEsS

TC: BuT I Am aBoVe yOu, MuDbLoOd

TC: AnD OuR EnTiRe rEdRoM WaS OuT Of pItY

TC: YoU PaThEtIc lItTlE ShIt

AT: fINE, i'M NOT BRINGING SOPOR FOR YOU, yOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF NOOK SLIME,

AT: i HOPE YOU RAGE, aND CULL YOUR MATESPRIT,

AT: aND I HOPE, tHAT YOU DIE IN THE MOST, pAINFUL FUCKING WAY POSSIBLE,

AT: i HOPE YOU HAVE, rETARDED KIDS, wHO HAVE SHIT FOR BRAINS AND CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION

AT: bUT DO I REALLY HAVE TO HOPE FOR GENETICS TO PLAY THEIR PART,

AT: yOU INEVITABLY ARE THE DUMBEST, mOST JADED PIECE OF SHIT,

TC: FuCk tHiS I DoN'T NeEd sOmE SaLtY StAiN On sOcIeTy tRyInG To bUrN Me wItH PrEdIcTaBlE FiReS

TC: HaVe fUn cOmInG To eArTh, BeCaUsE I WiLl fInD YoU AnD FuCk yOu uP BiTcH

AT: eAT LANCE,

AT: aND HAVE FUN, wITH THAT DISGUSTING HUMAN NOOK,

AT: i CAN SMELL THE FISH FROM HERE

AT: } : )

-terminallyCapricious [TC] blocked adiosToreador at 9:33-


"Tavros? You're shaking," said Nepeta, reaching out for his hand. "Are you okay?"

"I think I'm going to throw up," said Tavros, tears streaming. "Oh, sweet Jegus, I'm gonna—"

He bent over and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the igneous ground, trying not to sob. "Ugh, Tav, that smells terrible!" coughed Eridan, trying not gag. "What have you been eating, man?"

"Fuck you, Ampurra," hissed Nepeta, rubbing Tavros's back in small circles. "He's obviously purretty upset!"

Suddenly, the transportalizer began to flash. "Okay," said Porrim, licking her lower lips and grabbing the remaining rations they had packed before placing them onto the transport pad. "If this works correctly, we'll end up somewhere in North America."

"Somewhere," said Aranea quietly, who had been writing down every aspect of the trip up until that point. "Okay. Equius, do we have enough funds?"

Equius nodded—he had been working on transferring slightly illegal money from the main banks of Alternia and Beforus to an Earth vault, complete with converting boondollars into U.S. currency. "The papers are ready as well," he said stiffly, glancing at Damara, who was grimly typing out the last of the falsified documents. "Dam, I'm assuming that you're finished?"

Damara glared at him, pursing her lips. "Fuck you," she said quietly before going back to her husktop.

"Okay," said Aranea, blinking. "God, what are we going to do about Meenah and Feferi?"

Tavros finished vomiting and looked up. "Doesn't matter," he coughed. "They still have access to the transport in the Royal Palace. And besides, Meenah would rather continue her stupid blackrom with the Batterwitch."

"True," murmured Aranea, shifting uncomfortably. "Porrim, are we ready?"

"Completely," said Porrim, yawning and stepping onto the transportalizer. "Everybody get on."

The party rushed onto the transport pad and prepared for the various struggles of intergalactic travel. "There won't be any turning back," said Nepeta, blinking back tears. "Equihiss, I'm kind of scared."

"We'll be okay, right?" asked Eridan, a hint of anxiety touching his voice. "There's a lot of water there, right?"

"Tons," said Porrim, getting ready. "Okay. On three: one, two—"

There was a jolt and Tavros felt like his head was spinning on the axis of reality. Shit, he thought for three seconds approximately before he fell flat on his face in a cornfield. Everyone else was in the same predicament, and it took a moment for them to realize that they were no longer subjected to the bullshit brigade of Her Imperious Condescension.


-10:22 am / Mituna & Latula's apartment-

Terezi used the buzzer to be let in and waited two minutes before Mituna opened the door of the apartment complex. "Hey, TZ!" he said excitedly, shaking her hand. "Latula's upstairs. We're off today so, yeah... Wait. Did you bring donuts?"

"Of course," said Terezi, handing him the box filled with pączkis. "They're super fattening, though, just as a warning."

"It's cool," said Mituna, leading her up the suspiciously dirty stairs. "Yeah, humans are so weird. Like, elevators are fuckin' mandatory technology on Alternia, so, I dunno, it's kinda ridiculous for 'Tula to have to get up the stairs. Man, she got bigger. Is that normal?"

"It's been like, three days," said Terezi, who was having some difficulty with the stairs herself. "I remember when I had Katrina the egg tilted a little in the last week, but I don't think she'd be ready for labor yet."

Mituna shrugged and opened the door at the top of the third floor. "Yo, Latula, your dancestor is here!"

Latula was curled on the couch underneath a blanket, smiling. "Hey, Terezi," she said, yawning and adjusting her glasses. "Welcome to paradise."

"Yeah," said Terezi, not sure how to respond. It was incredibly cold in the apartment, which consisted of one room and a bathroom off to the side. "Where...um...is the kitchen?"

"We share a group cafeteria downstairs," yawned Latula lazily, letting her blanket fall down her sides. She was wearing the same ragtag sweater from a few days before, but it did look in fact more strained. "I think the wiggler is getting in position, though."

"Um," said Terezi, worry confirmed. "Have you been having any contractions at all?"

"A few cramps, but nothing that's sent me into absolute pain," said Latula casually. She made a face. "Ugh. They're pretty sporadic, too...hey, do you have any of the paperwork ready?"

"Paperwork?" asked Terezi. "What?"

"Like, for the adoption," said Latula. "I used that Google thing, and apparently there's a bunch of legal forms that we have to go through if we want to make this official."

"Latula," said Terezi, "we're illegal aliens."

"That didn't stop you from going to the doctor, sis," grinned Latula. "C'mon, though, how did you guys get documents in the first place?"

"Well," said Terezi, "we kind of falsified paperwork. Vriska and I are apparently the children of refugees from Russia, Karkat has dual citizenship in Canada and the US and is a recognized member of several different organizations for First People, and Kanaya...I don't know, I think Rose actually wrote an entire line of false correspondence between a fake couple in Great Britain and a real orphanage in Kabul? So really, Kanaya has the most secure membership out of all of us, but Katrina is a naturalized U.S. citizen."

"What do you think our best bet is?" asked Latula, biting her lower lip. "Like, nationality-wise."

"I mean, I could probably forge some documents saying that you're Vriska and I's older sibling, but I'm not sure about Mituna," said Terezi nervously. "Like, maybe he's from Mongolia or something? We only picked first world countries for Karkat and Kanaya because they were kind of, I don't know, more adjusted to human culture. Stupid, I know, but Rose could probably say that you're both recent releases from an institution. She's good at that."

"Okay," said Latula, wincing. "Oof. It's being a jerk."

Terezi's eyes widened slightly. "How...how far apart are contractions?"

Latula's shoulders slumped. "Like, every twenty minutes?" she said, unsure. "I've just been feeling really gross all day, honestly, and I had a little bit of discharge earlier and something fell out, but whatever."

"Oh my god," said Terezi, realizing what was happening. "Latula, you're coming to my house. Now."

"...Why?"

"You're in labor, idiot!" shrieked Terezi, helping her up. "Oh my god, how did you not know?"

Latula shrugged, her cheeks flushing teal. "For real?" she asked, a little dazed. "I mean...you're sure?"

"Definitely," said Terezi, looking at Mituna. "Hey! Can you stop eating donuts and help me?"

Mituna looked up from the box of pączki and licked the raspberry jelly off of his teeth. "Chill your tits, Pyrope," he said, pushing his sunglasses up his nose. Red and blue sparks were starting to fly. "Why can't she have the thing here?"

"Because it's unsanitary and I don't have any supplies!" shouted Terezi, practically dragging her dancestor to the door. "Oh, my god, I didn't expect it to be so early, fuck, I'll call Karkat—"

Latula groaned and hugged herself. "Will it hurt?" she asked nervously. "I really have a low pain tolerance, bro, and—"

She stopped and they both struggled to get down the stairs, Mituna following with the donuts. "How long will it take?"

"I don't know," spat Terezi, shoving open the door and running to the car. "You can sit in the front seat. Mituna, don't break Katrina's car seat."

Mituna grumbled and tried to fit in the back row of seats while Latula gasped. "Fuck, it just dropped a little."

Terezi bit her lip and began to dial Karkat's number, putting it on speaker phone. "Shit, shit, shit," she hissed, speeding out of the parking lot. "Karkat!"

"Terezi, I'm at work!" he shouted. "Why are you—"

"Latula's having the grub, right now."

There was a brief silence. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously, why would I even lie about something like this?" demanded Terezi, stomping on the gas. "Call Obrina and tell her to take Katrina across the street or something. I don't want her to have to see anything."

"I...guess I'll tell my boss," said Karkat. "Wow... Tell Latula good luck!"

He hung up and Terezi concentrated fully on the road. God, I had no idea that it'd be this soon, she thought, excitement overriding her nerves. Oh my god! We're going to have a grub!

Latula moaned next to her. "Terezi, why does it hurt?"

"Because, dear, you're going to be pushing a fucking egg out of your nook," said Terezi calmly, though with a little stress on her voice. "You're going to start experiencing really severe contractions, and you'll probably pass out or something, I don't know. But...Mituna, what are you doing?"

He looked up from the donuts. "Sorry," he said. "They're really fuckin' good."

"Mituna," said Terezi sternly, "I'm going to need you to support Latula fully throughout this entire fiasco. That means holding her hand and saying encouraging stuff, okay?"

"Yo, babe, your rumple spheres make me emit pheromones of a sexual nature," said Mituna in an impossibly seductive voice. "Is that good?"

"I...guess," said Terezi, cursing in Alternian. "Shit, shit, shit."


-11:05 am / Karkat & Terezi's house-

Karkat and Augeth had already pulled a sheet over the couch and had begun to sanitize a knife and the rubber gloves when Terezi burst through the door, supporting Latula. She sat her dancestor down on the couch and grinned at Karkat. "It's happening," she said, almost too brightly. "Mituna, remember what I said, okay?"

Latula blinked and gasped again, gripping onto the couch. "Fuck," she said, eyes bulging. "Ugh, holy shit, holy shit, Terezi, get it out."

"Where's Katrina?" whispered Terezi, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "I don't know how long this'll last, but she's only in the early stages, so I'm pretty sure that there's going to be at least another six hours."

"Six hours?" burst Latula, holding onto a pillow and crying. "Fuck, Mituna, what did you get me into?!"

"Um," said Mituna, sitting next to her and holding her hand. "Well, technically, you're wriggled up, but it'll be over soon!"

Latula screeched, and Karkat turned to Terezi, biting his lower lip and looking extremely concerned. "Obrina left with Katrina about fifteen minutes ago," he said nervously, handing his wife rubber gloves. "They're going to see a movie because we couldn't get ahold of Vriska."

"Okay," said Terezi, who had essentially gone into full on "deliver an egg" mode. She bent down and assisted her dancestor in removing her skirt, and she winced. "It's not even engaged yet, but it looks...gross."

"That's my matesprit you're talking about," warned Mituna, and Latula threw back her head and moaned. "Hey, next time I'll do it."

"Sure," said Augeth, speaking up for the first time. "Um...I'll boil some water."


-11:14 am / Gamzee & Heather's trailer-

Mornings in the trailer park were typically uneventful, with the exception of the few times that Gamzee had suffered from sopor withdrawals. Those brief occurrences were always controlled, though, because of the large supply of slime that he kept in Tupperware containers underneath his bed. Lately, there had been less and less to control any potential outbursts, and he was completely consumed in the practice of keeping himself completely okay. Self-medication with stupid, disgusting human marijuana wasn't proving to be very effective, and he was hesitant to sample any of the opiates consumed by Heather. Like, sure, using sopor was bad, but if he didn't, people would be dead. Heroin just made Heather a bubbly mess.

Today, though, he felt like grubsauce, all because of that stupid, insolent piece of shit Tavros. Fuck him, fuck his salty attempts at insultation, and fuck his stupid blood status.

Gamzee stumbled out of bed, yawning enormously and rubbing the base of his horns with mindless abandon. He had been on a slight edge ever since the week before, when Heather had formally introduced him to her biological parents. They approved of his face paint and his massive Faygo consumption, but they didn't really like the fact that he was pushing seven feet tall and was an alien. "Fuckin' asshats," he mumbled, wiping the drool off of his fangs and checking his husktop. There weren't any new notifications on Trollian, but the Pesterchum icon was absolutely lit. "Motherfucker."

Instead of answering or even checking the messages like a slightly civilized bipedal lifeform, Gamzee groaned, ignored it completely, and swallowed a few gulps of sopor slime. His brain crackled upon reception, but whatever—he didn't feel the throes of rage domineering his every move. "Heather?" he called out, licking the sopor off of his teeth. "Where the fuck are you?"

She didn't answer, and Gamzee blinked slowly before remembering that she was off on another grocery run. Huh, he thought briefly, stretching and yawning before ducking to get into the bathroom. A pot of face paint awaited him, and he prepared for another shitty day.


-11:47 am / Joseph & Roxy's house-

Vriska sighed and brushed her overgrown bangs to the corner of her face. She had successfully cleaned the entire first floor of the house, and she was ready to sit down and converse with Roxy. "Casey?" she called as she made her way up the stairs. "Are you being good?"

"Excellent!" Roxy called back, and Vriska smiled when she opened the master bedroom door and saw her daughter with a tiny French braid in her thick hair. "We read three chapters of Harry Potter."

"Dursleys are assholes," said Casey simply, smiling and reaching to be picked up. "Meanies!"

"Casey, we don't say bad words," said Vriska briskly, sitting on the edge of the bed and letting her daughter tackle her midriff. "We've been working on 'what's appropriate to say in public.'"

"That's always fun," said Roxy, reclining slightly and hiccuping. "Toddlers are delightful, honestly. I can't wait for this one to be ready."

Vriska sighed and hugged Casey. "Is Joseph okay with...I don't know, having another kid?"

"It was completely unexpected, that's for sure," sighed Roxy, relaxing her expression. "But really, unexpected things turn out to be the best. Look at Rose and Casey."

"True," laughed Vriska, playing with Casey's hair. "I was wondering...would you mind having some company maybe every few days? I applied for a job at a few places, but no one has called me back for an interview yet, and I was thinking maybe, if you're okay with it, Casey and I could come over and we could, I don't know, have some weird human bonding?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Roxy, sitting up. "You have no idea how lonely I've been, Vriska. It's barely been a week and I'm already going bonkers."

"I can only imagine," Vriska said, relating the bedrest to her own previous hospitalizations. "Anyway, I was thinking about what to do for lunch, so do you want me to pick up anything?"


-4:33 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-

Mituna Captor had done a lot of stupid stuff in his lifetime (i.e., caused many a good Alternian citizen to be permanently damaged by his ridiculously overpowered vision twofold, and after the excursion that caused his disability...well. Everything was kind of a blur after that). Still, even with every horribly dumb act that he had ever participated in, getting Latula pregnant topped everything.

Terezi and Karkat were yelling at him incoherently, and he was starting to mildly freak out. His matesprit was barely conscious—why was there so much teal?—and in the brief moments of coherency, she was screaming. "Latula," he said, letting her grip his hands. "Please!"

The other mustard blood—Augeth—was checking in between Latula's legs, biting her lower lip in frustration. "Okay, the egg is engaged," she said, retracting her hand. To Mituna's alarm, it was covered in blood. "Latula, I'm going to need you to push on your next contraction, okay?"

"Fuck," gasped Latula, sobbing as she held onto Mituna. "Just get it out!"

Mituna started shaking. He couldn't help it—the situation was just too high pressure for his liking, and he wanted to help but had no means of doing so. "Fuck," he said, wrapping his arms around his matesprit's shoulder. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—"

Latula screamed and suddenly relaxed, crying as Augeth pulled the egg out of her nook. "You did great," she said with a smile, wiping teal matter off of the large, oval-shaped object. "Terezi—"

She immediately reached for the egg, tears beginning to flow. "Thank you," she said, voice breaking as she held it close to her chest. "Thank you so much—"

"What is it?" asked Latula quietly, Mituna brushing her hair out of her face. A small smile—that of relief, perhaps—had graced her features, and she looked completely alright in contrast to moments before. "I mean, blood?"

"Mustard," said Karkat, smiling hugely. "Terezi, I'm assuming you can smell—"

"It's a girl," said Terezi, grinning as she wrapped the egg in a huge towel. "Oh, Jegus, Latula, thank you so much."

"What are you gonna name her?" asked Mituna, eyes widening as he held onto Latula, who sighed in relief before nuzzling his chest. "Is that appropriate to ask? Do humans usually name their wigglers, because I mean, they don't exactly have lusii or anything."

Terezi cleared her throat. "Actually, Mituna, we were going to give that honor to you guys."

"Rad," murmured Latula, completely exhausted. "'Tuna, you do it."

"Uh, fuck," stuttered Mituna, trying to think of a worthy name for his adopted niece/biological daughter. "Shit. Okay. Fuck."

"You can take your time, man," said Karkat, but suddenly, the perfect idea exploded into Mituna's thinkpan.

"Fuck! I got it," he said, nodding confidently and grinning. "Okay, so we've been watching your shitty human television broadcasts, right, and there is this lady who is beyond amazing in my book. She probably leads a revolution or some shit, Sufferer-style."

"Okay," said Terezi a bit nervously, starting to regret giving Mituna the privilege of giving her daughter a name. "Please don't tell me that this is anything from Cartoon Network."

"Fuck no, TZ," said Mituna, now excited. "We only watch superior daytime discussion pieces."

"If you think naming her Oprah is a good idea, I'm going to fucking do something drastic," sighed Karkat, preparing himself for the worst.

"Get this, Karbro. Ellen Degenerate."

There was a brief moment of silence. "Um," said Terezi, clearing her throat. "Her last name is Degeneres, actually—"

"Ellen Vantas has a nice ring to it, right?" asked Mituna hopefully. "And like, if she inherits my bitch-ass psionics, I don't fucking know, have fun with mood swings. Also, you should probably invest in some kind of, fuck if I know, grub-holding device."

It took a moment for Karkat to realize what he was talking about. "Fuck no," he said, wanting to growl or do something remotely feral. "We are not putting our daughter in a cat carrier."

Our daughter, thought Terezi, still reeling from the mere idea that she now had another child. "Ellen is a good name," she said, holding up the egg in the light. "Karkat, what does she look like? There's too many colors for me to identify anything, really."

"Um," said Karkat, squinting. "She has a lot of hair? Like, more than Katrina had. And I can't really tell what kind of horns she has, probably due to the afro this kid is going to have, but…"

"What's an afro?" murmured Latula, ready to sleep. "It sounds nice."

"Yeah," offered Augeth, removing her gloves and blinking. "Because there is a dermospectrum among humans, they have different traits related to the color of their skin. Like...really curly hair is common in humans that have ancestral backing from Africa."

"I guess," said Karkat, not really sure if he should correct Augeth's worldview at such a pivotal time. "She'll probably look more like Mituna, though. Katrina looks more like me, but with Terezi's smile, so maybe there's some kind of recessive genetic bullshit going on?"

"Hypothetically speaking, yeah," said Terezi, frowning. "None of the eggs were ever teal, so maybe there's some actual backbone to that particular theory, but whatever. Augeth, can you call Obrina and tell her to bring Katrina back?"

Augeth nodded and left as Latula winced before sitting up slightly. "What a trip," she murmured, looking dazed. "I'm gonna sleep now."

Her revelation was completely thrown off by the buzzing charm of Mituna's cellular device. "Shit," he said, blinking. "Uh. I have to answer this."


-geneticAmbrosiac [GA] began trolling totalAwesomeness [TA] at 11:45-

GA: Mituna Capto+r! Yo+u inso+lent fuckwad!

TA: H0LD Y0UR H0R535 M4M4 834R

TA: WH47 7H3 M3RC1FUL FUCK D0 Y0U W4N7 817CH 7175

GA: I swear to+ go+g, Mituna, if yo+u as much as dare as refer to+ me as "bitch tits" ever again, I will find yo+u, and I will cull yo+ur pathetic ass befo+re yo+u can say fuckass.

TA: FUCKCKCKCKCKCKKCCK Y0U

TA: WH47 D0 Y0U 3V3N W4NT P0RR1M 1M K1ND 0F 4CTU4LLY 8U5Y

GA: Go+ddammit, Mituna.

GA: Co+llectively, we need yo+ur help.

TA: D3F1N3 W3

GA: Because o+f yo+ur general stupid genetics, HIC has asso+ciated everyo+ne who+'s ever dabbled with befriending yo+u as a criminal o+f the Alternian Empire, which is very bad, seeing as no+ o+ne wants to+ be turned into+ ho+o+fbeast bait.

TA: UHHHHHH

GA: Anyway, we used the last kno+wn transpo+rtalizer to+ escape po+tential executio+n. I ho+pe yo+u're happy.

TA: 4R3 Y0U 0N 34R7H? 0H MY G0D!

GA: We had to+!

GA: O+nly a few o+f us actually go+t o+ut, tho+ugh... Rufio+h stayed behind to+ help start revo+lutio+nizing everything, and Ho+russ is busy wo+rking o+n ano+ther set o+f transpo+rts. I'm no+t co+mpletely sure abo+ut Kurlo+z and Meulin—we haven't seen them for perigees.

TA: 15 M33N4H 571LL 1N C0NF1N3M3N7? 5H3 H45N'7 M3554G3D M3 1N L1K3 F0R3V3R

GA: Mituna...no+bo+dy kno+ws where Meenah is.

GA: Acco+rding to+ so+mewhat questio+nable so+urces, the heiress apparent is busy building an army o+f so+rts. Altho+ugh no+t co+mpletely sure o+f her whereabo+uts, it's sure that she's been bo+rderline successful with recruitment.

TA: UH 0K4Y

TA: 8UT WH3R3 4R3 Y0U GUY5? L1K3 M4YB3 1 C0ULD P1CK Y0 UP IN V14 M070R1Z3D F0UR WH33L D3V1CE?

GA: I'm no+t exactly sure? We're so+mewhere in the No+rthwestern United States, I think, but I'm no+t co+mpletely certain as o+f where.

GA: The geo+graphic standpo+int was never my stro+ng suit.

TA: 5H17 TH3N

TA: 1'LL 7RY 70 G37 Y0U L473R. L47UL4 JU57 3XP3LL3D 4 GRU8

TA: L1K3 17 W45 1N73N53 Y0

GA: O+kay. Go+o+dluck with that.

GA: Try to+ message me ASAP, tho+ugh. It's co+ld in this field.

-geneticAmbrosia [GA]ceased trolling totalAwesomeness [TA] at 11:58-


"Who was that?" asked Terezi, still stroking the surface of the egg. "You were sticking your tongue out the entire time."

"Uh, Porrim," said Mituna with a shrug. "Yeah. A bunch of trolls transportalized over here, so—"

"Wait, what?" asked Karkat, looking terrified. "As in, other members of our species are here on Earth?"

"Yep!" said Mituna, rubbing his forehead. A psionic headache was starting to make its way through his thinkpan. "Knowing them, they probably already have papers and whatever, but—"

"Shit," said Latula, blinking out of her slumber. "Where are they gonna live?"


-12:17 pm / Kanaya & Rose's penthouse-

Brrring!

Kanaya groaned and answered her cellphone. "Hello?" she asked. "Kanaya speaking."

"Hello, Kanaya," said a ridiculously familiar voice. "How are you?"

"Porrim?" demanded Kanaya, putting the phone on speaker and sitting down on the couch next to Rose, who was busy knitting yet another baby hat. "Um. I didn't know that Sprint took intergalactic calls."

"They don't, darling," said Porrim salaciously. "We're on an organic hoofbeast farm. In Oregon. I totally messed up on the coordinates for the transportalizer, and I'm calling you off of a paid communication device."

Kanaya blinked, and Rose looked at her inquisitively. "Uh. Wow."

"Yeah, pretty much," said Porrim. "Anyway... We need immediate transport to your location, so if you don't mind pointing us in the direction of some kind of mass transport system—"

"Quick question," said Kanaya, still trying to analyze what she had just been told. "Erm, why are you not on Alternia?"

"Rebellion," said Porrim simply. "Subjugglators are conducting massacres in most of the cities, and because of our affiliation with the Captor bloodline, we're being subjected to...dilemmas. So, escaping was kind of our only option."

"Who's with you?" asked Kanaya, Rose looking completely alarmed at this point. "We could probably host a few people, but no more than three."

"Um, there's me, Aranea, Damara, Nepeta, Eridan, Equius, and Tavros," said Porrim simply. "Sollux is being forced to be the next Helmsman, and Feferi is locked in the Imperial Palace."

"Holy shit," said Kanaya, swallowing. "Look, you and Tavros can stay with us, but really, we can't hold any more than that."

"About that," said Porrim, swallowing. "Aranea and I have decided on being red."

"You're redromming a Serket," said Kanaya blankly. "Look, Porrim, I couldn't even have Vriska in a pale quadrant. Please don't do anything stupid."

"Whatever," sighed Porrim. Kanaya could almost feel the histronic shrug through the phone. "Look, Damara managed to get ahold of a motorized four-wheel device company, so we're going to start heading in your direction."

"Porrim, wait—"

There was a click as her dancestor ended the conversation, and Kanaya blinked. "Fuck."

"Porrim is staying with us," said Rose blankly. "And there's a massive rebellion occurring on Alternia."

"How did they even get access to a payphone?" asked Kanaya dumbly, trying to understand whatever was about to go down. "I'm pretty sure that they don't have any American money."

"You're ignoring the fact that you just invited three murderous aliens to stay with us," said Rose coldly. "They have absolutely no experience with humanity, and if Aranea Serket is as ruthless as Vriska was when she first arrived, we'll have to force her to undergo a huge lesson in human customs."

"I'm sorry," said Kanaya, slipping into her coat, "but Porrim is my—well, of my genetic strain. I can't ignore that."

"So are these," said Rose, staring pointedly at her distended belly, "but it's not like they're going to come out with fangs and a classist mentality."

"Rose, the hemospectrum only demonstrates violent attitudes in highbloods," said Kanaya sternly, trying to analyze the mere idea of having to face members of her own species that weren't completely assimilated into human culture. "And besides, culling fangs aren't developed until well after the first molt."

Rose blinked and Kanaya took her cue to abscond as quickly as possible.