-Tuesday, January 15th, 10:30 am / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-

The trailer park—or mobile hive structure, as Equius insisted—was made up of three major sections, which divided into subgroups depending on the terrain. Because of their large amount of near-bottomless funds, the party was able to acquire three trailers scattered throughout a cul-de-sac near one of the reclaimed quarry lakes. Tavros thought it was okay—after all, his eyes were still adjusting to the intensity of the Earth's sun, and the humidity was completely different (he could barely comprehend the snow, let alone the freezing temperature)—but once he entered the trailer he was going to share with Equius and Nepeta, he fell in love with his bedroom, which overlooked the expanse of the "community garden" that was grown in an initiative to keep GMOs out of carrots. Of course, the ground was completely frozen, but the realtor had promised a lovely view of tomatoes in the spring.

"Tavros!" called Nepeta from the kitchen. "I made sandwiches!"

Tavros groaned and attempted to prop himself up from his hammock. He had tried to message Vriska earlier—even though she did cause him grievous bodily harm on multiple occasions, he still considered her to be his friend, and according to Nepeta, the cerulean-blood had matured greatly—but of course, she kept coming up as "idle" on Trollian. In fact, none of his relocated friends had attempted to answer any of his trolling endeavors. It was nothing short of frustrating: after all, they actually knew how to integrate into human culture, whereas he barely could deal with the basic terminology for day-to-day activities.

The kitchen had faded orange and red linoleum floors and fake wood paneling walls. Tavros padded in uncomfortably, his metal feet clicking against the tiles and causing a tinny echo to resonate in the small room. Nepeta was sitting down at the circular table they had purchased from a "garage sale" (Tavros wasn't sure he'd ever understand the exact purpose of a garage) and licking banana residue off of a butter knife. "Peanut butter and banana," she said, flashing her sharp, feline teeth. "We don't have any jelly, but whatever! It still tastes purretty okay."

Tavros nodded and sat down across from her, wincing slightly as the egg shifted toward his metallic thighs. "Cool," he said, peanut butter sticking to his teeth. "This is...okay."

Nepeta's shoulders slumped slightly. "Yeah," she said, looking vaguely uncomfortable. "I really want steak or something, but Equius said that we should conserve our funds. Bo-ring."

"I mean, uh, you could go hunting or something?" suggested Tavros, not really sure if there was any game to kill. "I don't know...hey, where's Equius?"

"He's doing some stupid 'assimilating into society' bullshit," said Nepeta, trying to lick at the peanut butter stuck in between her fangs. "Fuck! What is this stuff?"

"I think we should throw it out," mumbled Tavros, trying to make himself comfortable. His shirts were getting too tight, now around his chest, and he really didn't want to have to deal with heftsacks. It was already embarrassing enough having more "feminine" features, and he was small in stature, almost petite, but the added discrepancy of having engorged breasts was a little too much for his liking. "It keeps getting stuck in my teeth…"

Nepeta raised her eyebrows. "Tav? You're flushed."

"Sorry, the wiggler is being a little shit," he said, arching his back ever so slightly and attempting to release some of the tension in his shameglobes. "Are you—"

He was interrupted by a sudden knock on the door. Nepeta immediately stood up and slunk over to the door, unlocking the huge mechanism set up by Equius with a little bit of difficulty. "Vriskers!" she purred, and Tavros began to sweat. "Wow, it's been furever!"

"Yes, it has," said Vriska, grinning as she stepped inside. "Hey, Tinkerdork!"

"Um, hey, Vriska," said Tavros, blinking as her tiny, half-human counterpart ran up to his legs. "Uh, this is Casey, right?"

"Yeah!" said Vriska happily, setting several grocery bags on the table. "Okay, so. I bought you basic human delicacies, alright? Check it out: Twinkies. These things are terrible, but they kind of have the same consistency as grubsauce. Weird, right?"

Tavros nodded and tried to hide his distended stomach underneath the table. Casey quickly realized that his legs were made of inorganic substances and began tapping on his electric joints. "Robot?" she inquired, blinking at the brown-blood with large, expressive blue eyes.

"Kind of?" said Tavros, trying to comprehend the fact that she wasn't a human fetus anymore. "How...how is John-human?"

"Oh, John's pretty great, actually," said Vriska, taking three boxes of Cosmic Brownies out of shopping bag. "I'm sorry that I didn't answer your message earlier, Pesterchum keeps going down…"

"What's Pesterchum?" inquired Nepeta, who had gotten down on the floor and was attempting to engage Casey in a game of peek-a-boo. "Isn't that like human Trollian?"

"Basically," said Vriska, cocking her head at Tavros. "Tav, why are you pushed in all the way? That can't be comfortable."

"No, it is!" exclaimed Tavros, shivering slightly and pushing his gut further into the table. "Totally comfortable. Maxed-out relaxation."

"I...really don't believe that," said Vriska, frowning and she stood behind him and began to inch the chair away from the table. "C'mon, Tavvy!"

"I said no, Vriska!"

"Dude, please just—holy shit!"

She had successfully pulled him away from his hiding spot, and now his spherical belly was completely visible. "Haha," said Tavros, blinking back tears. "Okay. Yeah. I'm wriggled up."

"You...are," said Vriska, trying to take in the sight of her (ex-boyfriend? Ex-flush crush? Former ashen playmate?) friend's new appearance. He essentially hadn't really changed since he was six sweeps, barely growing in height, his hips widening slightly, but he had taken on the outward look of a very pregnant woman. It was disturbing, to say the least, and Vriska wasn't even sure if it was possible until this point. "How...how far along are you?"

"A few perigees," chirped Nepeta, looking up. Casey was giggling and grabbing onto her horns, but the olive-blood didn't seem to mind. "He started getting really sick after Gamzee left."

"Gamzee…" said Vriska thoughtfully. "He tried to harass Terezi a few months ago, but I had no idea that he...um...had actually knocked you up?"

Tavros's eyes were burning. "Yeah," he said, examining his nails. "I...I don't know. It's stupid."

"No, it's not," said Vriska, rubbing his hand. "You'll be a great...parent."

"Yeah, but Gamzee is just stupid," mumbled Tavros, trying hard to not cry. "Jegus, I'm sorry, my anguish bladder is fucking ridiculous—"

"It's okay to cry, Tav!" said Vriska, almost aggressively. "Gamzee is a total asshole, but whatever! Fuck him!"

"Fuck?" asked Casey from underneath the table. Vriska blushed bright blue and chided her; meanwhile, Tavros tried to analyze what she had just said. He knew that Gamzee was a total asshole, but the fact that someone else was saying so made him contemplative as to why he hadn't realized that his ex-matesprit's terribleness wasn't centered on himself alone. It was definitely a new perspective, but he didn't know how he was going to digest it.

Vriska got back up from the floor, cheeks still cobalt, and smiled as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Okay," she said, sitting down across from him, Casey wiggling in her arms . "So, I'm just going to guess that you need some assistance, and because I'm a great mom, I'm going to school you, okay?"


-Thursday, January 17th / 8:15 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-

Karkat Vantas was nearly done with his essay on the causes of the second French Revolution when his cellphone began to ring. "Fuck," he said, answering it. "Hello?"

"Karkat!" shouted Mituna on the other end. "Fuck! Dude, I really need your help!"

"What is it, Mituna?" groaned Karkat, saving his essay and standing up to stretch his arms. "I'm kind of busy."

"Latula's gone!"

"Okay, is she at the store?" asked Karkat, not thinking much of it.

"No, man, she's been gone for three fucking days!" screeched Mituna, and Karkat heard the telltale sound of static. "I thought she was going to buy some motherfucking donuts, but she's gone!"

"Um, okay," said Karkat, checking on Ellen's egg. Unlike the previous stillbirths, she was still completely intact, with a very strong shell and barely any twitching. "Calm down, Mituna. Are you absolutely sure she hasn't been flash stepping or something?"

"Fucking nookslime, Karbro! She would tell me if she was doing that shit!"

"Calm the fuck down, Mituna!" shouted Karkat, stepping into the hallway. "Look, I'll come over, okay?"

"You fucking better!"

"Fuck you," murmured Karkat as he hung up and shimmied into his large wool coat. "What the fuck is with that guy…"

Terezi was sitting on the couch downstairs, reading to Katrina from a collection of fairy tales. "Karkat?" she asked, looking slightly concerned. "I heard you yelling; is something wrong?"

"Other than Mituna screaming at me, I'm great," he said, pulling on his boots. "Apparently Latula is missing or something."

Terezi narrowed her eyebrows. "Missing?"

"Yeah, I don't know," said Karkat, pulling his keys down from the hook on the wall. "Look, I might be gone for a while."

"Daddy?" called Katrina as she hopped off the couch and ran towards her father, looking as concerned as a two year old could get. "You kiss me night?"

"Of course," said Karkat, kissing his daughter on the forehead. "I love you, Princess."

"Try not to stay out for too long," said Terezi in a slight warning tone. "I'm serious."

"I wasn't planning on it," said Karkat, kissing her on the cheek. "See you in an hour."

Thankfully, the snowfall wasn't completely terrible as Karkat drove onto the highway to get to the apartment. He fiddled with the radio a grand total of once before classical music blasted through the airwaves. It was probably stupid, how much Shostakovitch and Bach sent him into a relaxed state, but he found that Baroque compositions often helped him concentrate on his multitude of overtly complex assignments. Then again, so did copious amounts of coffee, but that was merely an observation on his part.

After about fifteen minutes of driving, Karkat pulled into the icy parking lot and sighed before walking into the complex. He barely was at the door when Mituna burst through, looking incredibly panicked, his vision two fold flashing sporadically as he grabbed Karkat by the shoulders. "Fuck!" he shouted, placing his hands against the sides of his head in realization before running back up the stairs. "I can't find her anywhere!"

"Mituna, calm the fuck down," said Karkat, yawning as he walked up the sticky steps. "Aren't you the janitor? Why is everything so...dirty?"

"Latula did a lot of the detail shit," said Mituna, closing his eyes and opening his apartment door. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, Karbro, she won't answer any of my calls, and she was acting really weird—"

"How was she acting weird?" asked Karkat, sitting down on the beat-up couch. "Like, hormonal weird, or just 'done with your shit' weird?"

"I don't fucking know!" exploded Mituna, a burst of psiionics shooting from his pupils and zapping the lampshade. "Sorry, sorry, I feel like shit, and I miss her!"

"Mituna, please calm down," said Karkat, slightly freaked out by his outburst. At least Sollux had some control over what he did—his dancestor, on the other hand, was a trembling mess with an electric stare. "Look, should I call the police, or—"

"No," said Mituna, rubbing his eyes. "We haven't finalized the paperwork yet, and I really don't want to deal with...any authorities."

"Okay," said Karkat, reaching for the laptop. "Do you know her Trollian password?"

Mituna winced, crumpling his brow. "Uh...it's embarrassing."

"Come on, man."

Mituna hung his head. "Bumblebutt, lower case."

-territorialCommander [TC] began trolling gamergrlCoolkid [GC] at 10:22-

TC: HELLO, LATULA.

TC: YOU ARE REQUIRED TO RETURN TO ALTERNIA IMMEDIATELY.

GC: oh com3 on kurloz! th4t's so l4m3!

GC: 4nd b3s1d3s, you would so tot4lly lov3 34rth, m4n. L1k3, th3r3's no cr4zy cond3sc3nd1ng bullsh1t or const4nt ch4nc3 of pot3nt14lly dy1ng 4 t3rr1bl3 4nd p41nful d34th...

TC: AS AMUSING AS THAT MOTHERFUCKING SOUNDS, I'M AFRAID THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN LIVING ON A DECREPIT SHITTY PLANET WITH WORTHLESS FUCKING FLESH MONKEYS.

GC: :[ don't you th1nk th4t's 4 b1t h4rsh?

GC: 1 m34n sur3 th3y h4v3 no 1d34 how to prop3rly comm1t m4ss g3noc1d3, but 1t's not l1k3 th3y'r3 4ny wors3 b3c4us3 of th4t. 1f 4nyth1ng th3y 4r3 pr3tty n1c3!

TC: YOUR NAIVETY FUCKING DISGUSTS ME, SCUMBLOOD.

TC: IF YOU DON'T ARRIVE BY TOMORROW, I WILL SEND A DRONE.

GC: kurloz c'mon m4n! th4t's not 3v3n funny!

TC: IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE, BITCHTITS.

TC: IF YOU DO NOT OBEY, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT CAPTOR IS CULLED.

GC: ok4y l1st3n up dork4ss.

GC: just b3c4us3 3v3ry t1m3 you tr13d to h4t3fuck m3 1 r3fus3d do3sn't g1v3 you 4NY r1ght to pr4ct1c3 subjuggul4t1on on my M4T3SPR1T.

GC: h3's your MO1R41L.

GC: holy sh1t, dud3, k1ll1ng your qu4dr4nts 1s r3t4rd3d.

TC: I WILL DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY FOR MY CASTE TO CONTINUE EXISTING, AND IF I HAVE TO CULL MITUNA, I WILL DO SO WITHOUT HESITATION.

GC: ...fuck.

GC: you'r3 4ctu4lly s3r1ous, 4r3n't you?

TC: DOES IT SOUND LIKE I'M MOTHERFUCKING JOKING?

GC: 1

1 gu3ss 1'll h34d out ton1ght th3n

-territorialCommander [TC] ceased trolling gamergrlCoolkid [GC] at 10:30-

"Holy shit," said Karkat, blinking. He hadn't expected this at all.

"What's wrong?" asked Mituna, rocking slightly. "Is she okay?"

"Just let me check the rest of her messages, okay?" asked Karkat, clicking onto another log.

-gamegrlCoolkid [GC] began trolling chromosonalCorruption [CC] at 10:35-

GC: m33n4h! 1 r34lly n33d your h3lp, l1k3, r1ght now!

CC: what is it

CC: because im sorta incapacitated right now

GC: no duh, f1shf4c3!

GC: fuck1ng m4k4r4 1s d3m4nd1ng m3 to g3t th3 fuck b4ck to 4lt3rn14, 4nd 1dk, 1 r34lly h4v3 no 1d34 how 1'm suppos3d to l34v3 tun4 on h1s own.

CC: so

CC: what the fuck am i supposed to do aboat it

CC: cry me a fuckin river pyrope im literally stuck in a fuckin tower doin shell knows what

CC: youre not the one gettin your nook wrecked every night by your progenitor

CC: so its best advised that you S)(UT TH-E S)(-ELL UP B-EACH

GC: d4mn 1t, m33n4h!

GC: 1 fuck1ng push3d 4n 3gg out of my s33d fl4p 4nd 1 h4v3 no 1d34 how 1'm suppos3d to l34v3 w1thout m1tun4 fr34k1ng th3 fuck out!

CC: just leave beach

CC: dont have any traces

CC: idk theyll forget aboat you eventually

CC: and while youre at it you shorely could rescue my sorry ass

GC: f1n3! wh4t3v3r!

GC: m1ght 4s fuck1ng w3ll!

-gamegrlCoolkid [GC] ceased trolling chromosonalCoruption [CC] at 10:42-

Karkat blinked at the pesterlog and attempted to configure an appropriate sentence that would inform Mituna of his matesprit's whereabouts without completely crushing him. "Okay," he said, smoothing his hand through his hair while trying to think of a worthy approximation. "Mituna... I think Latula's on Alternia."

Mituna stared at him, his vision twofold making his eyes flash red and blue with no warning. Please don't have a psiionic flare up, please, thought Karkat, praying that he wouldn't go berserk. "She...left?"

"It appears so," said Karkat, blinking as the psiionic appeared to vibrate from his position. "Okay. I should probably leave."

"Yeah," said Mituna, almost choked. "Sure."

Karkat rushed through the door and was at the bottom of the steps when he heard it—the telltale static burst and a howling scream that echoed throughout the building. "Fuck," he cursed under his breath, unsure of how he could even assist the mustard-blood without potentially getting killed. After a few seconds of contemplation, he ran outside and looked up at the apartment, analyzing the dim light from Mituna's room. There wasn't any sign of an explosive meltdown, not even the telltale red and blue bolts of lightning, just loud, broken sobs that he could hear even from the base of the building.


-9:32 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-

Terezi groaned and tucked her legs underneath the couch, quickly going through her text messages before sighing and trying not to yawn. Her day had consisted of several gratingly long classes, attempting to make tuna casserole (spoiler: it burned), and finally putting her feet up and reading Katrina several stories out of her current favorite book, Tales of Princesses! which, in Terezi's opinion, was the single worst piece of literature that human culture had ever created. In the moment, however, she desperately wanted the luxury of eight hours of sleep, maybe even nine, and Karkat's ridiculously warm embrace.

She blinked, scratching behind her ears and frowning slightly as the door opened. It wasn't particularly late, by any means, but she was exhausted, and everything still was a trigger for an irate mood. "Karkat?" she called, sniffing in hopes of finding some social cue for the meeting. All she could smell, however, was something slightly electric, smoky and burnt. "What happened?"

He stepped into the room, pulling off his boots and shoving his weight against the couch. "It's stupid," he said, blinking. "Just...unfortunate and stupid."

"What happened?" asked Terezi softly, running her fingers through his thick hair. "Did you find Latula?"

"Not exactly," admitted Karkat, sighing enormously and letting his arm fall around his wife's shoulders. "We logged into Trollian, and...she's sort of on Alternia."

"What?" asked Terezi, suddenly alert. "What do you mean, she's on Alternia?"

"I don't fucking know," said Karkat, his chest swelling underneath Terezi's hand as he released another huge sigh. "Gamzee's creepy progenitor threatened her, I don't know, Carlos or whatever? But she left, and Mituna freaked out, understandably."

"Oh my god," said Terezi, trying to wrap her head around the mere idea of her dancestor running around on a war-torn planet without any reliable allies. "That's so…stupid."

"Pretty much, yeah," said Karkat, yawning immensely and nuzzling the nape of her neck. "Hey…"

"Mmm?"

"Do you want to do the stupid, um, big spoon little spoon thing?"

Terezi froze, trying hard not to make any stupid sudden movements. "I mean…"

"We don't have to if you don't want to," said Karkat quickly, retracting his arm. "Like, we could just cuddle or something—"

"I...I'm okay with that…" stuttered Terezi, shivering involuntarily. "I'm sorry, I don't know—"

"Terezi, it's okay!" said Karkat, careful not to get too close. "Look, I really don't know what's wrong, but it's okay. You can tell me."

"I...I really don't want to divulge any stupid details," whispered Terezi, bringing her knees to her chest. "I don't know. Can we just talk about it tomorrow?"

"Of course," said Karkat, kissing her forehead. "Look, I'm going to take a shower. Love you."

"I love you, too," said Terezi quietly, closing her eyes. Fuck.


-Monday, January 21st, 7:20 am / Rose & Kanaya's penthouse-

"Rose?" called Kanaya, ruffling the area between her horns with her fluffy pink towel. "Are you still asleep?"

"Hardly," groaned Rose, arching her back and looking down in disdain at her overtly swollen form. "I haven't been able to see my feet for weeks, Kanaya."

"It's a small price to pay—"

"A small price to pay?" demanded Rose, trying her best to walk in an elegant and dramatic manner (she failed. At this point in her pregnancy, she was incapable of any movement except for waddling like a distraught duck). "Kanaya, that's horseshit, and you know it."

"But we'll have babies," said Kanaya in a sing-song voice, wrapping her bathrobe tie around her figure nearly twice. Rose's eyes watered at the thought of being even slightly lithe again—the entirety of her overtly gravid state was painful and difficult and sometimes she wanted to punch Kanaya in the face for doing this to her. "And they'll look like me and like you and they'll be adorable."

"You're not the one carrying them," reminded Rose, leaving the bathroom and walking into the kitchen, placing her palms flat against the kitchen island and inhaling deeply out of frustration. As a certified psychotherapist, she was completely aware of her emotional regulation (or lack thereof), and it was irritating beyond belief. The majority of her childhood had been spent trying to keep herself completely composed, and she had become excellent at it by the time she entered her twenties. The entire "getting knocked up by Kanaya's alien dick," however, seriously changed her perspective on everything. Nothing was in her immediate control, not even the aspect of her bodily functions, and she felt incredibly useless, if not anything else.

Suddenly, she felt Kanaya's slim hands running down her sides, and she jolted upwards in realization. "Quit it, Maryam," she scolded, self-conscious as all hell. "Just put on some clothes or something!"

"Or something," said Kanaya sweetly, kissing the nape of her wife's neck. "C'mon, Rose, you're so tense—"

"Probably because I have two womb monkeys battering my insides, no thanks to you," said Rose, slumping down in a chair. "God, I hate being pregnant."

Kanaya sighed and stepped behind her, beginning to rub her shoulders. "I'm sorry…"

"You should be," said Rose grimly, rolling her eyes back as Kanaya's thumbs hit a particularly nasty knot. "Fuck."

"Was that too hard?" asked Kanaya softly, releasing the tension. Rose let out a soft moan, and she could only take it as a sign to continue. "If it's any help, you still look wonderful."

Rose snorted and looked down, swaying slightly with the force attuned to her back. "If you're interested in a bloated whale, sure."

Kanaya ruffled her hair and kissed her behind the ear. "You're hardly a whale, Rose."

"Sure," she said, wincing as one of the twins pressed against her ribs. "God."

"Are you alright?"

"It's getting a bit crowded," she admitted, hiccupping and rubbing the area near her navel. "Stupid muscle pain…"

"Is there anything I could do to help?" asked Kanaya, gently rolling Rose's shoulder blades until they popped. "Assuming you would like any assistance."

Just keep rubbing my back," murmured Rose, yawning and hiccupping again in quick succession. She was so close to fully enjoying herself when she remembered that she still needed to call her mother. "Fuck."

"What is it?"

"I totally forgot about Mom," she said, wincing as she sat up in full, groaning loudly. "She wanted me to come over yesterday, and I've been just so wrapped up with work—"

"We should probably discuss that matter at some point," said Kanaya quickly, helping her wife out of her seat. "I've been looking for nannies, and honestly, they all seem highly underqualified. I'm...not really comfortable with having a complete stranger raise our children."

"They wouldn't necessarily be a complete stranger," reminded Rose, frowning as she checked her phone for notifications. "I was actually planning on starting interviews next week."

"Next week?" said Kanaya rather incredulously. "Rose, they're not even born yet, and don't you want to have at least a month off for family leave?"

"I'd love to in theory, but honestly, it's not applicable with my work schedule," said Rose quickly, readjusting her dress and debating whether or not actually applying makeup would alleviate some of her perceived appearance. "I mean, half of my clients are already dealing with some form of subjective separation anxiety, and I would like to help counter that."

"But you'll cause separation anxiety with our children," stressed Kanaya, rubbing her temples. "God, Rose, I'm new at this! What if I irrevocably screw up or accidentally teach them Alternian norms, or—"

"What makes you think that?" asked Rose hurriedly, sliding into her thick wool coat, frowning when she struggled to close the buttons.

"Because I'm literally a completely different species," said Kanaya a little harshly. "We didn't even have the concept of motherhood, let alone parenting in general! What if, I don't know, I create some illusive bullshit about my past and they learn the truth?"

"I highly doubt they'll care," said Rose stiffly, still struggling to button her coat. "And besides, if they do find out that you're a chainsaw-wielding alien, whatever. They'll be half of that."

"I know," said Kanaya, and Rose realized that her wife was near tears. "I don't want them to have to deal with potential persecution."

"Kan, babe, that won't happen," said Rose, turning to face her. "Look...it's because of the fact that you're a freaky alien that I love you. You're the most wonderfully sincere person that I've ever met, Kanaya. I wouldn't have married you any other way."

Kanaya wiped her eyes, still looking distinctly disappointed with herself as she sat back down. "Okay," she said a little shakily, inhaling deeply. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


-Friday, January 25, 12:19 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-

Nepeta wasn't completely sure what was so terrible to humans about living in a mobile hive park. Sure, it was crowded and there were really tacky flamingos decorations as far as the eye could see, but she wasn't directly adverse to any of it.

She and Tavros were taking a walk and attempting to understand their new surroundings, bundled in thick coats and scarves that Vriska had brought from a local thrift shop. Tavros was still a little unsteady on his feet and kept complaining about how the cold was killing him, but Nepeta brushed it off as him being an anxiety-ridden progenitor-to-be. After all, he still hadn't seen Gamzee, and the highblood had made no effort of trying to contact him.

"He's so dumb," groaned Tavros, fidgeting uncomfortably and trying not to shiver. "Like, first he thought I was insinuating some bullshit, and then he blocked me! It's fifty shades of pathetic romance, and I'm so angry."

"Maybe he's just scared?" suggested Nepeta, squinting slightly at the trailer they were passing. She had realized that there was definitely a divide in the maintenance of properties, and this particular hive looked beat up and just gross. "Like, Purrim was purretty afraid of Aranea, or maybe just of confessing her feelings, but they're great together now!"

"Yeah, but Porrim and Aranea actually have a grip on their lives," said Tavros, reaching into his pocket and taking out some caramels that he bought at the dollar store. "Aranea already has a job! It's just so unfair."

"It'll be okay!" Nepeta exclaimed, trying to stay as eager as possible given their situation. Kanaya and Karkat had already faked several documents for them, but she was nervous about actually going out and applying for a job. The entirety of their situation had dawned on her, and she would curl next to Equius at night and try to sleep soundly to no avail. "Gamzee will remember how great you are!"

"He has a new matesprit," said Tavros bitterly. "It's a pointless endeavor, and—"

He blinked, and Nepeta realized that in the garbage of that particular trailer, there was an abundance of Alternian candy and Faygo.

"Tav," said Nepeta, reaching for his hand. "It's probably just a coincidence."

"Nepeta, we used the last viable transportalizer," he hissed, swallowing. "This is so fucking stupid."

Nepeta bit her lip but didn't say anything as he strode to the door, his metal feet clanking against the pavement. "Fuck," she mumbled as he knocked on the door three times in rapid succession.

Meanwhile, Tavros was in the depths of rage-fueled throes when he realized the sheer stupidity of actually knocking on the door. If Gamzee was there, which he probably was (given his laziness and abhorrent attitude towards responsibility), he could very well tear the egg from its gestation chamber.

He started sweating and was about to turn when the door swung open and he saw a human with horrifically applied eyeliner and natty, disgusting hair glaring at him. "Who the fuck are you?" she snarled, crossing her arms against her chest. "Are you another one of Gam's alien buddies, because I have no interest in sharing this house with another lazy piece of shit."

Her words registered, and Tavros laughed. "Seriously?" he asked, chortling despite his initial response. "If you think he's so terrible, then why are you red for him?"

She blinked. "What?"

"You're the one who pailed with him," said Tavros, grinning. "Like, spoiler alert, but his bulge has been in a lot of things with a working bloodpusher, so it might help to get tested."

Heather—because it couldn't be anyone else—looked at him like he was slime. "And you know this because?" she asked, still glaring at him.

Tavros inhaled and narrowed his eyebrows. "I'm wriggled up, you bitch."

It happened too fast for Nepeta to comprehend. One second, Tavros was applying his salty sass everywhere within reach of Gamzee's new matesprit, and the next they were slapping each other across the face and she was grabbing him by the horns. "Oh, gog," she groaned before trying to break it up. "Tav, dude, please. We've been on earth for less than a month! You can't get arrested!"

Tavros spit out some fudge-colored blood, and Nepeta realized that he had a broken nose. "Screw this," he said, attempting to lunge at Heather. Nepeta grabbed his arms and pulled him against her—after all, she was slightly taller and definitely more muscular—and began to drag him away from the scene. "I'll fucking wreck you!" he screamed over his shoulder, and Nepeta had absolutely no idea how she was going to explain this to Equius.

She groaned and attempted to placate Tavros. It didn't exactly work—he was shaking and bleeding and angry. "That fucking asshole," he swore as she took him inside of their trailer. "How is that better than me?"

"Tavros, I honestly don't really see the appeal of humans myself, but you can't try to start an altercation!" chided Nepeta. "What if Gamzee tries to hurt you next?"

"I don't care!" exploded Tavros, and Nepeta realized that he was crying. "He can go fuck himself, for all I care!"

Nepeta tried to inhale and think of a worthy solution to her current predicament when suddenly she heard someone pounding on the door. "Shit," she muttered, glaring at Tavros. "Stay here."

She glided over to the door and braced herself for whoever was there. It didn't matter—as soon as she opened it, she was face to face with Gamzee, who looked beyond angry.

"Hey, kittytits," he said, scleras an off shade of yellow. He placed a hand behind where Nepeta was standing and licked his lips, sniffing the air and blinking . "I bet you wouldn't know where that lil' gutterblood is, right?"

"Nowhere within your jurisdiction," smiled Nepeta nervously, trying to ignore the rampant smell of pheromones and sweat. "Purrhaps he's out at the store?"

Gamzee's face turned, and he bared his teeth. "Lying isn't a good habit, motherfucker," he said, running his fingers through her short black hair. "C'mon, where the fuck is he."

Nepeta simply grinned and leaned in close, barely an inch away from his face. "Not. Telling."

Gamzee roared in rage, and he shoved her to the floor before entering the trailer. She heard a crashing noise and attempted to stand, but something was wrong and she bit down on her lower lip to suppress a scream as she realized that at least one of her ribs was broken. "Equius!" she cried out, trying to drag herself into the main room. "Oh, fuck."

Tavros was curled into a ball, almost protectively, and Gamzee was crouched above him, hissing and spitting like a feral animal. "You think it's fucking alright to mess with my matesprit like that?" he shouted, fingernails scraping into Tavros's back. "You think you have any authority in this, motherfucker?"

Tavros was screaming and Nepeta tried to launch herself at Gamzee to no avail when suddenly something ran into the room and punched the highblood, sending him to the floor. "The fuck do you think you're doing?" growled Gamzee, glaring at the muscular figure standing above him. " You're nothing, Zahhak, and you'll be even less—"

"I'm afraid that the caste system is irrelevant here, Makara," said Equius simply, leering down at Gamzee. "And you have hurt my moirail, so get out, now."

His last sentence escalated in volume and Gamzee stood up defiantly before dashing through a window. Equius wiped the sweat from his brow before leaning down to help Nepeta to her feet. "You need to go to the hospital," he said, sighing deeply and trying to take everything into consideration. "I'm afraid you might need a cast—"

He was interrupted by a low groan, and Nepeta gasped when she saw Tavros. "Oh, shit!" she cursed, struggling to get to him. "Equius, there's so much blood—"

Tavros was curled on the floor, heaving and shivering. One of the circuits of his left leg had come undone and was jerking around violently, and fudge-colored blood had begun to drip across his pants. "Oh," said Equius, blinking. "I believe he has begun the laying process."

"No fucking duh, Equihiss!" shrieked Nepeta, gagging at the intense fumes and struggling to stand up. "Oh my gog, get help!"

Equius nodded and disappeared, and Nepeta reached for Tavros's hand and squeezed. "Hey," she said, trying not to go into overdrive. "Dude, please stop freaking out."

"Fuck you," groaned Tavros, an arc of vomit splattering across his shirt. "Oh, fuck..."


Vriska sighed and tried to configure a slightly reasonable method for assembling Casey's new bed frame when her cell phone began to ring. She frowned and squinted at the unfamiliar number before answering, praying that it wasn't a solicitor. "Hello?" she asked uncomfortably, examining her nails.

"Vriskers!" exclaimed Nepeta, her voice slightly muffled. "You need to come over here, now!"

"What's up?" asked Vriska, still slightly bemused at the fact that the other troll had found her phone number. "Did you discover the greatness that is children's cartoons, or is something actually wrong?"

"Gamzee was here, and he fucked up everything!"

Vriska paused, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. "What?"

"Yeah, it's really bad," Nepeta continued quickly, and there was a brief static break before Vriska could hear what else she had to say. "I think he broke one of my bellowsac enclosures, but Tavros is worse off."

"What the fuck did he do to Tavros?"

"I don't know, but he's bleeding and we think he's going to lay the egg."

Vriska froze, attempting to not freak out. "Like, now?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, um, fuck," she said, standing up and walking down the stairs. Casey was still at Joseph and Roxy's house, and she figured she could send over a quick text before things got too intense. "I'll try to get there as soon as possible."

Vriska sent the text to Roxy and began to put on her shoes. Shit, she thought, stopping mid-process. I don't know how to deliver an egg; the doctor did all that for me! An idea popped into her head and she whipped out her phone again.

"Hello?" asked a groggy voice that could only belong to Terezi.

"Hey, Tez," Vriska said with a nervous laugh. "Is your doctor friend around? 'Cause we kind of have an emergency here."


After trying her best to convince Terezi everything was okay, followed by nearly forcing Augeth into her car, Vriska was finally on her way. She turned on the radio and absentmindedly began bobbing along to some Top 40 hit as she drove down the highway to the trailer park. At the next intersection, she glanced down at her phone and saw that the same phone number that Nepeta had called from had sent her several pictures along with a text reading GET OVER HERE NOW VRISKERS!. Groaning, Vriska sped up, trying to avoid the lunch hour rush.

"Get ahold of yourself, Serket," she muttered, changing lanes only to be met with a long honk. As much as her past was studded with not particularly savory experiences (most of them regarding luring lowbloods to her lusus, along with the brutal few in which she hurt her actual friends), she felt as though it were necessary to have some kind of redemption arc, especially where Tavros was concerned. She shivered at the thought of her past self, who she could only think of as a terrible person with intense emotional irregularity and too much cynicism for her own good: six-sweep-old Vriska was horrible and misguided at best, her manipulative tendencies outweighing her affection for her friends.

"...You okay?" asked Augeth cautiously, who had very quickly noticed the other's reflective stare.

"Just...yeah. We'll be there soon."

However, they still didn't get to the trailer park for another fifteen minutes, and when they got to the actual trailer Vriska was immediately greeted by her dancestor.

"Vriska, darling, it's wonderful to see you after all these sweeps!" chimed Aranea, her blue lips parting slightly and revealing a perfectly sharp set of teeth. "You look stunning!"

"Thanks, Aranea, but where's Tavros?" asked Vriska, looking over her ecto-sibling/progenitor/twin's shoulder impatiently and trying to take in the scenery. There was definitely some fudge- and olive-colored blood smeared into the carpet, but the trailer was otherwise on par with its appearance from her last visit. "And...everyone, really?"

"They're in the back respiteblock," replied Aranea, leading her inside and removing a kettle from one of the burners. "However, if you're interested in reconciliation after all this time—"

Vriska ignored her, motioned for Augeth to follow her, and rushed down the tiny hallway before barging into the dimly-lit room. Tavros was curled up on his side in the center of the twin bed, trembling, and Porrim, along with Equius and a woozy Nepeta, were attending to him. Nepeta looked up from a very archaic-looking smartphone and narrowed her eyebrows. "About time," she growled. "Where were you, even?"

"Traffic," Vriska told them, setting down her bags and sitting next to Tavros. "Pupa, you gotta breathe."

"It's no use trying to console him, dear," Porrim said, a hint of irritation in her voice. "He hasn't been responsive to any audible stimuli for over an hour."

"Have you checked to see how dilated he is?" Vriska glanced at Tavros' pants, which were stained with dark blood and crumpled into a ball next to a bed. "It could work as an estimate for when the thing is actually going to come out."

Porrim's blank expression was enough for Vriska to groan and lift up the blankets around Tavros, wrinkling her nose at the barely-engaged egg. Augeth scooted next to Vriska and squinted, resisting the urge to physically interact with anything. "He's got a few hours," Vriska announced, and Augeth nodded in agreement. "Do you guys even have painkillers?"

"No," responded Equius, swallowing and letting Nepeta nuzzle against him. "Unfortunately, we did not take the actual 'pain' segment of the laying process into consideration."

Vriska blinked. "Are you...actually serious?"

"You're forgetting that natural birth, let alone reproduction from a non-mother grub standpoint, are unheard of on Alternia and the surrounding colonized planets," said Porrim lazily, brushing her heavy bangs out of her eyes and licking her lips. "Please remember that we'd have had more than a hefty chance of being prosecuted and culled by legislacerators and the court if we had stayed, along with perhaps being executed by the Batterwitch herself."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Vriska rolled her eyes and stood up. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Tav, don't pass out or die. Augeth, stay here and watch him while I run to the drugstore."

Tavros remained unresponsive, and Vriska sighed before walking back into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. Aranea was sipping tea and smiled coyly at her before glancing at one of the cupboards. "Would you care for anything to eat? These lemon poppyseed muffins are absolutely delightful."

"Aranea, I just got an eyeful of my ex-boyfriend's nook, complete with the beautiful display of an egg inside of it. I don't think I can handle anything edible for the rest of the day."

Aranea nodded, seemingly reconsidering the muffin on her tiny plate before pushing it away. "That's...lovely," she said, making direct eye contact with her dancestor. Vriska thought it was a bit creepy to look at her directly, especially with the combined psychic manipulative energy burning with their vision eightfold. There was also the irrefutable fact that Aranea was essentially her older, more sophisticated double, complete with pearl earrings and cat eye glasses. "I heard that you have your own offspring?"

"Ha, yeah," said Vriska, smiling at the thought of her daughter. "Cassia Jane Egbert, future world leader. Or something. She's only two, so it's kind of hard to tell what she's predisposed to be."

"I can only imagine," Aranea said, wincing as she drained another cup. "She is a hybrid, correct?"

"Technically?" Vriska had no idea where Aranea was going with this. "I mean, she looks completely human, just cuter. Her dad's a human."

"I wonder what her lifespan will be," said Aranea thoughtfully. "Considering that humans live to be eighty as an average compared to our own caste's prolonged lives, it's fascinating to contemplate."

"Sure," Vriska agreed, trying to digest what she had said. "Wait, how long does our hemotype live?"

Aranea frowned. "Darling, didn't you learn this in Tentabulges and You? I only assumed that the textbook was mandatory."

"I didn't actually finish that. You know, I was kind of busy feeding my massive bitchy lusus from hell."

Aranea clicked her tongue. "Spidermom was lovely."

"She made me kill other trolls and feed them to her."

"Well, yes, but the same went for me, and she was never too brutal!"

"Homicide isn't brutal?"

Aranea sighed and pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose. "Anyway, if you were really so interested in the longevity of the cerulean hemotype, it would best convert to roughly eight hundred Earth years, give or take a few decades."

Vriska blinked. "What?"

"How do you think our glorious ancestor afflicted her methodology onto Alternian history?" asked Aranea smugly. "If she was working with a human lifespan, she would've barely gotten anything done. And she was barely past the prime of her life when she was culled, so really, I'm quite surprised that you didn't know any of this."

"Um." Vriska cringed at the idea of being twenty-something for an eon. "Wait. What about the other castes?"

"Generally, rust-bloods and those with the amber to mustard hemotype will live shorter than the average human," Aranea told her, twirling a strand of her hair. "According to the text published before the mass genocide of lime-bloods, it was stated that the extinct caste would live well into the one hundreds—that is, Earthbound year conversions—before dying. The same goes for olive-bloods, but jades with usually live for up to five hundred years. Teal hovers around 650—sorry, my arithmetic may be slightly off—and after our particular caste, the respective potential age bracket swells into one thousand, multiplying until we have the near-indestructible tyrian caste."

"Shit. And...I'm just going to assume that there isn't recorded knowledge on the state of mutants?"

"Nothing," said Aranea unhappily. "Mind you, there are several other mutations that do not affect the blood. Consider the Ampora bloodline, for example. Due to a loss of pigmentation somewhere along the genetic code—"

"Okay, Aranea, I'd love to learn more, but I have to run to the drugstore and pick up some pain meds for Tinkerdork in there. I'll be right back."


-2:08 pm-

"Ow," gasped Nepeta, wincing in pain as Augeth gently touched her side.

"Does that hurt?" Nepeta nodded and Augeth moved her hands to another spot. "Yeah, I'd say that at least one of your bellowsac enclosures is definitely broken. Really, the only thing I can immediately do for it is ice, and pain medication once Vriska gets back."

Nepeta put her shirt back on and slowly stood up. "Is Tavros any better?" she asked, looking over towards the other bedroom in which Tavros was writhing in pain.

"I can't exactly be sure at this point," Augeth confessed. "He's still unresponsive, and I honestly can't do anything until Vriska gets back. But if he's anything like Terezi, he might black out—" Her face turned opaquely mustard and she covered her mouth. "—nevermind."

"What?"

"I'm not supposed to talk about that. Forget I even said anything."

Nepeta frowned. "I'm curious."

"Ask Terezi, but she might not even tell you." Augeth sighed and began pacing the bedroom. "I wish Vriska would get back already…"

The front door open and Vriska ran inside. "Tylenol, gauze, rubbing alcohol, numbing cream, needle and thread," she announced, out of breath. "The cashier at Walgreen's probably thinks I have herpes…"

"What's herpes?" asked Aranea, looking up from a magazine.

Vriska shot her a look and ignored the question. "Augeth, can you…?"

Augeth followed Vriska into Tavros' bedroom, where he was in the exact same position as before. "Tavros," the yellow-blood quietly whispered in a sing-song voice, trying to get his attention. He did nothing and continued to lay there, breathing heavily and moaning.

"Pupa, I brought you some stuff for the pain," Vriska gently said, attempting to show him the bottle of Tylenol. Tavros didn't even respond to that, and she sighed.

Augeth put a hand on Vriska's shoulder. "I think all we can do for now is wait."


-3:37 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-

"...'This bed is too soft!' exclaimed Goldilocks," Karkat read, mimicking Goldilocks' voice as best he could. "Goldilocks moved to the next bed. She laid down on top of it and smiled. 'This bed is just right!' she said."

Katrina giggled. "Baby Bear!"

"Yes, that was Baby Bear's bed," Karkat told her with a smile. "Okay. Goldilocks fell asleep. While Goldilocks was asleep, the three bears came home. 'Someone's been eating my porridge,' growled Papa Bear. 'Someone's been eating my porridge,' said Mama Bear. 'Someone ate my porridge and it's all'—"

The doorbell rang and both Vantases looked up from the book. "Stay here," Karkat told his daughter. "Daddy will be right back."

Karkat set down the book and got up to answer the door. He opened it and came face-to-face with an extremely distraught-looking Mituna.

"How did you get here?" he simply asked, seemingly ignoring the mustard-blood's state of wellbeing.

"Taxi," said Mituna, trying his hardest not to choke on his tears. "Karbro, I've gotta have her."

"What?" Karkat stared at him as he shoved his way inside. "Mituna, what are you talking about?"

Mituna sniffed and began walking around the Vantas' house. "Ellen, Kar. Look, I know we agreed on you guys keeping her, but—"

"Mituna, what are you doing?!" Karkat ran up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Ellen is Terezi and I's adopted daughter."

Mituna sniffed again. "You don't have any paperwork and she hasn't hatched yet."

"You can't just take her back," said Karkat gently, taking his hands away. "Terezi's been a totally different person since Ellen came. And isn't your apartment complex a children-free one?"

Mituna's eyes flashed red and blue, making Karkat jump back. "She's the last bit of Latula I have!" he cried, causing his psiionics to blow out the lightbulbs of the nearest light fixture. "Fuck, Karkat, I thought you would understand!"

"Woah, woah, woah." Karkat was a bit afraid of his psiionics, but he needed to get this sorted out. "Look, Mituna, Terezi gets off at five, we can work this out then—"

Mituna had already run upstairs, and had retrieved Ellen's egg from her crib by the time Karkat had run up there. "What the fuck are you doing?!" Karkat screamed, lunging at the egg. "Mituna, I'm serious, calm down!"

Nuzzling the egg, Mituna broke out into sobs. "She's gonna fuckin' look like me," he cried, looking at Ellen's egg before returning to sobbing. "And she's gonna look like Latula, and—oh my god!"

Karkat honestly didn't know what to do. Ever since finding out Latula had gone back to Alternia, Mituna had been pretty distraught, and at this point it did seem like Ellen was the only way he'd ever feel better given the circumstances. But at the same time, Ellen was the answer to Terezi's problem as well.

The question was, which choice was the right choice?


-4:25 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-

"Vriska? Can you come here?" called Augeth from the back room. Vriska sighed and got up from the couch before rushing into Tavros' bedroom.

He seized up as another contraction hit, and Vriska quickly sat down next to him, grabbing his shoulders and trying to say as many relaxing words as possible. It was definitely weird, playing labor coach for her sort of ex-boyfriend, but she'd seen worse. "Shh, Pupa, you're gonna get through this," she said, gently rubbing in between his shoulder blades. "Just try to relax, and it'll be way easier."

Tavros sobbed and Augeth checked in between his legs. "Okay, you're almost there," she said, adjusting her rubber gloves and squinting. "You only have a little bit longer."

"Yeah, Tav, and then you get to see your egg!" exclaimed Vriska, trying to stay as cheerful as possible. Tavros looked up at her and blinked, almost looking delicate, and she continued rubbing his shoulders. "You're going to be a great...dad!"

"What if I'm terrible?" he wheezed, tears streaming down his face as another contraction rocked through his body. "I don't even know how to have decent relationships! How am I supposed to be a good lusus?"

"Trust me, you'll be great," assured Vriska, continually massaging him. "I mean, I was really horrible before I had Casey, and now I'm pretty okay, I guess, but you've always been super nice. Your kid is gonna be so lucky to have you!"

"You really think so?" murmured Tavros, gasping and groaning before squeezing Vriska's hand tightly. "Oh, fuck…"

"Keep pushing, Tavros," said Augeth, completely calm as she reached for some scissors. "You're going to have to push as hard as you can—"

"Yeah, Pupa!" Vriska cheered, grinning and kissing Tavros on the forehead. "C'mon, dude, you got this!"

Tavros moaned and bit down on his lower lip before crying out in relief as the egg fell into Augeth's hands. "It's here!" exclaimed the mustard-blood, wiping off the remaining genetic material and holding it up in the light. To Vriska's surprise, it was larger than both Katrina's and Isaac's eggs—much larger, and more circular in shape. "It's definitely bronze!"

"Wow," said Tavros, sitting up to the best of his ability and reaching out. "Can I, like...hold it?"

"Well, duh! It's your kid!" Vriska laughed and gently supported Tavros' arms as Augeth rested the egg against his chest. "It's really pretty, Tav."

"You think so, Spiderbitch?" asked Tavros, grinning slyly.

"Fucking gorgeous," Vriska winked. "Augeth, is there anything else we need to do?"

"His nook is torn a bit, but I can stitch it up now," Augeth said, already getting to work. "Congrats, Tavros."

"This is so weird," he admitted, kissing the egg. "Are you sure there's a grub in here and I didn't, like...push a tumor out or something?"

"Yes, dummy! You can totally see it in the light," said Vriska, pretty amazed herself. "Dude, you're going to have such a cute kid. God, I'll come over tomorrow and bring Casey's old crib and stuff. Gotta get you ready!"

"Do grubs wear clothes?" Tavros asked, still examining the egg. "Oh my Gog, do you think Kanaya can make it little rompers or something?"

"Um, probably?" Vriska replied. "Like, she's pretty busy with The Great White Whale right now, but I'll ask her about it."

Tavros laughed nervously and kissed the egg again. "So what do I need to do?"

"Until it hatches? Savor your alone time," smiled Vriska. She gently ruffled his mohawk and laughed. "Congrats, man. I'm proud of you."