-8:03 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-
Karkat Vantas groaned and readied himself for what he had begun to perceive as the single worst encounter he would have ever with Terezi in the entirety of his lifespan.
He didn't even know why he was readying himself for the conversation—Mituna was clearly unstable, didn't exactly have a steady job, and probably would step on the kid for all he knew. Sure, the yet-to-be-hatched grub was genetically his offspring, and Karkat definitely knew how important that was, but they had already come to an agreement, and he did not want to give Mituna that kind of leeway in their relationship—what if he thought it would be perfectly reasonable to just come over whenever he wanted next? What if he tried to live with them? The house was completely overflowing with Obrina and Augeth's random stuff everywhere, and just last week Karkat had to take away medical supplies from Katrina, who had decided that a syringe (God only knows how Augeth even acquired it!) would make a great addition to her dollhouse.
And then, there was the entire clusterfuck with Terezi: how the hell was he supposed to even broach the subject of her voluntarily giving away a child? With all of the miscarriages and the stillbirths and Isaac, he wasn't even sure how she'd react, let alone look at him in the eyes ever again. It felt like some enormous prankster's gambit that had been set out by the universe itself, all with the very specific task of undermining everything that had worked until this point. Karkat didn't even know how he felt about it—the emotions of the other two parties seemed to be completely overwhelming his own thought processes, and even though he absolutely was sure that he wanted to raise Ellen with Terezi as far as humanly possible from Mituna, he felt weirdly and inexplicably guilty even thinking about both potential outcomes.
He had convinced Mituna to put Ellen's egg back in the crib, where they had both tucked her in—a procedure he had to explain to Mituna in full, because the Captor seemed to draw a complete blank as to why a developing grub needed to be kept warm—and then ascended the stairs before sitting down on the couches and glaring at each other. To be honest, "glaring" didn't fully cover the flashing psiionic stare that was coming from Mituna, which Karkat found incredibly intimidating despite the fact that he knew that the yellow-blood hadn't been able to so much as severely injure anyone ever since the near-fatal accident back on Beforus. Still, the hypnotic red-to-blue dynamic was very unnerving, and Karkat glanced at his phone before swallowing and standing up. "Okay," he said, careful to keep his voice calm and steady, "Terezi won't be home for another ten minutes. I'm going to make some coffee, because honestly, this is going to be incredibly shitty, and I don't exactly know how I'm even going to tolerate the levels of bullshit that are going to spew out of your ugly mouth. Do you want anything?"
Mituna released a muffled sob, burying his face into his hands, and Karkat rolled his eyes before quickly absconding to the kitchen, where he was quick to realize that all they had was the shitty instant coffee that Obrina had bought by mistake. "Fucking stupid asshats," he growled under his breath, feeling almost feral as his anger mounted and began to swell, just under the surface of his seemingly calm demeanor. "Bullshit. Fuck. Ass. Goddammit."
He swore loudly as he realized that he had incoming call on his cell phone. "Jesus Christ," he mumbled, checking the caller ID and groaning before answering reluctantly. "Kanaya, what do you want? I'm sort of busy right now."
"I doubt that you are overwhelmed at this hour," drawled Kanaya, sounding completely aloof to any of his issues. He took note of this—usually, when they were still kids who would sometimes sneak away to each other's hives without their lusii's permission, she had sometimes gotten almost condescending in a way that he didn't really understand until he found out about her massive flush-crush on her ex-moirail. They seemed to be on good terms, though, at least now, so he didn't really understand why she was pulling the snobbish bullshit façade. "After all, given your lengthy schedule that you have documented and sent to me on multiple occasions, I hardly can believe that you are not at home, slightly tired after a long day with your daughter, waiting for Terezi while watching Gordon Ramsey on Master Chef Junior."
"It's a really good show, okay?" he sighed, not wanting to piss her off into abandonment. After all, it wasn't her fault that Mituna was being an asshat and that his wife was going to most definitely have an emotional breakdown. "Seriously, what do you need?"
"Actually, what I desire is a certain cultural extrusion of sorts," she said after a brief pause. "If I was not mistaken, we are currently engaged in a moirallegiance, and it is customary to support all members of one's quadrants at most given times."
Karkat blinked, the kettle on the stove beginning to boil. "What?" he said rather dumbly, trying to remember when exactly he had declared Kanaya to be his moirail. After all, he had been incredibly busy with school and parenting and trying to find a job that wasn't as demeaning as Starbucks but still paid a living wage, all while juggling Terezi's newfound emotional distance that she said was purely for the betterment of her mental state. "Wait, when—"
"Christmas Eve," said Kanaya automatically, as if she had the exact date and time written down for reference. "You had reached a slightly inebriated state. We sang karaoke together. You have a very nice singing voice, Karkat. Given the quality, it's a wonder you weren't swept up by the talent endorsement on Alternia."
"I…don't remember any of that," admitted Karkat, who couldn't really remember any of the previous holiday season, aside from waking up with a nasty hangover on Christmas morning and Katrina squealing at the sight of presents. "What did we sing?"
He immediately regretted asking, as Kanaya drew in her breath, as if waiting for some kind of horrific memory to slap him in the face and make him empty the contents of his stomach in pure disgust. "'Holding Out For a Hero,'" she finally said, savoring in whatever weird kind of guilt Karkat was feeling. "You kept insisting that a 'Fairy Godmother' sang it far better than Bonnie Tyler, and I have yet to research that particular artist. However, you did hit quite a few trills. It was impressive."
"You're…serious," said Karkat, trying to digest the fact that Katrina's love of Shrek 2 had somehow manifested at a party that he didn't even remember going to. "Oh, fuck, is that why John has been consistently sending me gifs of Donkey? Ugh."
Kanaya laughed, and Karkat put her on speakerphone briefly while stirring boiling water with the shitty instant coffee. "Okay," he said, putting her back on regular volume, "what kind of horrible piece of human culture do you want me to witness?"
"Rose and I secured these tickets in advance," said Kanaya. "However, due to her persistent nausea and general disdain for musical theatre in her current state of being, I have asked, with her permission, to take you instead."
"Musical theatre?" asked Karkat, wrinkling his nose. "What show?"
"See, this is the catch," she said. "It's not exactly what you would refer to as 'Broadway-worthy;' however, I have donated lots of time and hard work to the costuming department, and we would sit in the good part of the auditorium—"
"Auditorium? Wait, it's not at a theatre?"
Kanaya sighed. "It's…well, amateurs of the secondary school variety are putting on the production. The Wiz, to be exact. However, there are refreshments and a reception afterwards, and I know you love free food, Karkat."
"I guess I'll go," sighed Karkat, sipping his coffee and wincing. "Call me tomorrow, okay? Terezi's going to be home any minute."
They exchanged goodbyes and he hung up before walking back into the living room. "Okay, Captor," he said, back to his default grouch self. "I swear, this is not going to work out in your favor, so if you could kindly promise me to not short circuit the entire house, I would really appreciate it."
"Whatever," sniffed Mituna, wiping tears from his freaky eyes. "I just really miss Latula, okay?"
Karkat sighed at this. The mere idea of losing a matesprit was completely foreign to him, and he didn't really want to try to comprehend how fucked up it must feel to have someone you love just disappear without a trace. "You…have my sympathies," he said finally, slumping his shoulders as he sat down on the couch. "But seriously, do you honestly think that you can raise a wiggler right now?"
Mituna wiped his nose with his sleeve, looking vaguely desolate. "I mean, if you can do it, why can't I?"
Because I am a halfway competent adult! Karkat wanted to scream. Instead, he tried to think like a calm, respected individual in the community he had learned to call home, and quietly took a stance that he thought would register in Mituna's half fried thinkpan as so. "Captor," he said (because in pretty much every inspirational drama that he had seen on Lifetime, when there was a moment of tension before the actual climax—especially with male characters—an older, paternal figure would usually start addressing the said issue by initially calling out the individual with the appropriate surname before going into a well digested diatribe about life itself), "you've only been on this planet for like, a month. You don't even have a stable job that could actually act as some kind of income, which is pretty important when you're raising a grub. If you don't have money, how will you feed her?"
"I dunno, scraps?" asked Mituna, but Karkat realized that he had actually caught his attention.
"Well, that's okay for the first month or so, but then they need to have real food," said Karkat gently. "Like, there's a pretty big variety of nutrients that a grub will need in order to have a successful pupation. And then, when it's a wiggler, you'll have to go through even more money to just make sure that it's comfortable. And you'll need someone to watch her, all the time, until she's like five, and then you'll enroll her in school, and then you have to be a good parent who goes to meetings or whatever, and it's just really hard, okay?"
Mituna seemed to be actually considering what he had to say when Karkat heard the all-too-familiar sound of the front door unlocking. "I'm home!" called Terezi, kicking off her work shoes and hanging her bright red coat on the rack. "Karkat, you dingus, I smell the coffee!"
"Yeah," said Karkat, breaching back into full on panic mode. "Um, Terezi, hey, Mituna's here, and he sort of needs to discuss something with you—"
Terezi yawned audibly and cackled before practically body slamming against the couch, unbuttoning the top of her slacks and sighing in relief. "Being an intern sucks," she said, turning her head towards Karkat. "We have to make Rose a cake or something, though. It's honestly been one of the more…delightful jobs, actually!"
"Who the fuck is Rose?" asked Mituna, rubbing his eyes and trying to brush his hair out of his face. "Is she one of those dorky humans you trolled on Trollian?"
"Duh, Captor," said Terezi, laughing again. "Karkat, do you remember how stupid John was? I mean, he still is pretty stupid, but at least he doesn't majorly freak out if I talk about my personal opinions relating to a certain Nicolas Cage."
"Terezi, you basically harassed the shit out of everybody," said Karkat, remembering being six sweeps old with the kind of fondness that only a troll could muster. "If you did that on Earth, you would've been put in juvenile detention and have been labeled as a social deviant for the rest of your life."
"Big deal, Karkles," said Terezi, nuzzling him gently. "We should probably set up a Pesterchum for Katrina at some point. I mean, pissing people off taught me how to read."
"She isn't even two yet, you weirdo," said Karkat. He had almost forgotten that Mituna was there until the thin, not exactly hygienic troll coughed very loudly. "Okay, Mituna. Spit it out."
"I want Ellen," he said, looking bristled with some kind of unidentifiable emotion.
Terezi blinked and cocked her head, seemingly considering what he had said with deep thought. "How about…no," she said, lips curling into a sneer.
"I fucking want my grub," said Mituna, glaring at Terezi. "Latula isn't here, and she's probably dead or something, and she's all I have left."
"Yeah, well, too bad," said Terezi, propping up her legs on the coffee table. Karkat was mildly surprised at how she was reacting. "Latula and I made an agreement, and my family will raise Ellen. You're totally incompetent, Mituna."
"I'm not fucking incompetent!" he said, sparks flying. "And you don't even have papers or anything official to prove any of that stuff!"
"Mituna," said Karkat in a warning tone, but Terezi had already begun to go into some kind of legal banter.
"If we were humans," said Terezi clearly, "there would be documents, there would be written statements, there would be a metric fuck-ton of effort going into this, but because we are literally illegal aliens—more so you than any of us—we are not allowed those kinds of luxuries. Instead, we will replicate those ideologies to the best of our ability, and because you are essentially a deadbeat dad who doesn't even have a job or your own place to stay, I'm pretty damn sure that in a court of law, the judge would place Ellen in care of her best interests."
"I don't even know what that fucking means," said Mituna angrily, looking ready to break something out of anger. "And it's not like you know for sure that she'd be happy with you!"
"I know that she would be fed, and bathed, and not neglected," said Terezi, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I know that you, in your current state, could not achieve even one of those things. Honestly, Mituna, if you really loved her, you wouldn't try to take her from us."
Karkat held his breath, waiting for some kind of psiionic explosion or for his wife to completely go off the deep end. Instead, Mituna stood up, folding his arms against his chest, and exhaled deeply. "Whatever," he said, his tone that of defeat. He almost felt sorry for him as he left, almost tearing out of the house, completely silent.
Terezi sighed and placed her palms against her cheeks. They didn't say anything for a few minutes, just trying to digest exactly what had happened, when suddenly, Terezi's phone began to buzz in her front pocket. "I've got to get this," she said flatly, answering the call with what Karkat had decidedly defined as her "bullshit business" voice. "Hello? Vriska? It happened? Seriously? And you're sure that there aren't any complications…wow, okay! I'll come over soon. Tell him congratulations!"
"What happened?" asked Karkat, shifting his weight on the couch. "Did John get a promotion or something?"
"No, Karkat, Tavros had an egg."
"Wait. Seriously?"
"Why would I fucking joke about this?" asked Terezi, yawning and stretching her legs again. "Yeah, that purple asshole wriggled him up. They want me to do the honors in sniffing out the gender."
"How…" said Karkat, still trying to understand the concept of a male troll—or at least male by their very ambiguous secondary sexual traits—had actually gotten pregnant and had an egg without any major complications. "It isn't like, fucked up or anything, right?"
"Well, I'm assuming it's okay," said Terezi, curling up next to him. "Like, Vriska sounded really excited, and she's going to bring Augeth back over sometime tonight, so we'll probably hear every single detail pertaining to Nitram's nook—"
"Ew, Terezi," said Karkat, trying to push the image of Tavros's genitalia from his mind forevermore. "I'm just curious as to how he actually got knocked up."
"Well, Karkat," said Terezi, licking her lips and gaining the authoritative pose that she obtained whenever teaching Katrina about the horrors of the outside world, "when two trolls love or hate each other very much—"
"Yeah, I knew that much!" hissed Karkat, covering his ears and trying to drone out her high pitched laughter. "I just…kind of figured that even trolls would kind of replicate the male-female dichotomy of reproduction."
"Dude, Kanaya got Rose pregnant."
"Yes, but Kanaya…" Karkat didn't really know how to go on without making a complete fool of himself, but Terezi raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I don't know, she has that whole maternal thing set down pretty hardcore, and isn't jade genetic material used to precondition the slurry for gestation?"
"Are you implying that Kanaya is some kind of fertility god?" giggled Terezi, poking his side. When he didn't answer, cheeks flushed red, she exploded into peals of laughter. "Oh my god, you do! Karkat, that's so weird! I'm sorry, but of all of the naïve horseshit you've come up with, that takes the fucking spot!"
"Oh, shut up," said Karkat, hunching his shoulders and trying to not provoke any more ridicule. "You thought that Sollux had two bulges for the longest time—"
"Yeah, but I never disproved that factoid," said Terezi, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Do you think that Ellen might—"
"She's an egg, Terezi!" hissed Karkat, groaning at the idea of wigglers going through adolescence. "Oh my god, Terezi, they don't even have that kind of…stuff…until they go through the second molt!"
"Don't remind me," said Terezi, lowering her voice and pausing. "Do you think that Katrina will be okay?"
"What do you mean?
"Like…at human school. With humans."
"I guess, yeah," said Karkat. "Like, she's lived on Earth for her entire life. She's probably the poster child of cultural assimilation."
"Yeah, yeah, but I just can't help but wonder," said Terezi. "Like, when she molts and whatever, we're going to have to keep her inside for like a month! What will we tell her friends?"
"I don't know, that she has the flu?" said Karkat uneasily. "It won't be a big deal."
"Yeah, except that she'll come out of her cocoon and essentially be freakishly mature," snorted Terezi, scratching the back of her neck. "Huh...Karkles, when did you molt?"
Karkat turned deep red and looked away. "I don't know, a little after I turned six? Why are we talking about this?"
"Because I want to figure out when our kid is going to go through troll puberty, dipshit," said Terezi, leaning against him. "God, I hope Ellen doesn't have psiionics."
"Aren't psiionics just a yellow-blood trait?"
"Well, actually, they're supposedly a common trait, per se, probably dominant in the gene pool because most of them pailed together and basically continued their incestuous strain for thousands of sweeps without stopping," said Terezi, closing her eyes. "But Latula is from a completely different bloodline, and when I was still living in my hive I did get a chance to look at the genetic documentation. It was pretty interesting, actually! Our ancestor filled a pail every season from the time she was ten to shortly before her hanging, and as a rule she never had quadrants with other teal bloods. She was so cool."
"Lucky you," grumbled Karkat, remembering his shitty hive and shitty lusus and shitty neighbors. "I just had a bunch of creepy Dolorosa-wannabes come visit every so often and try to convince me to donate genetic material so the Signless could live on throughout the generations."
"Ew."
-Friday, February 1st, 10:15 am / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-
Roxy: 3 months 4 days
Rose: 5 months 10 days
Katrina: 1 year 8 months 23 days
Casey: 2 years 4 months 13 days
The television videographers and newspaper photographers were setting up the equipment in front of the store, and Mr. Egbert was absolutely frantic. Cookies still needed to be iced, cupcakes still needed to be placed on the tower, and his own child hadn't even shown up yet. Any attempts made to contact John or Vriska resulted in a voicemail.
"Joseph, can I help in any way?" Roxy quietly asked from a corner of the bakery. Though she was technically supposed to be on bedrest, she had gotten an okay from the doctor to be wheelchair-bound in special cases, such as today. Being out of the house was great, sure—Roxy was beginning to go stir-crazy—but being in a wheelchair wasn't much better.
"You can help by staying there," Joseph snapped before realizing his tone and sighing. "Roxy, I'm sorry, I'm just really stressed—"
Roxy nodded, still looking disappointed. "I understand; it's okay."
"Roxy, it's not okay," sighed Joseph, carefully placing a few cupcakes on the tower. "I'm just really worried about you. I don't want anything to happen to you, or to the baby."
"Me, too, Joseph, but really, it's fine! I understand you're frustrated today. I haven't heard from John or Vriska, either."
"I just wish he would actually try to contact me before he doesn't show up on time," said Joseph, trying to keep his composure under check. He had been feeling slightly more than overwhelmed over the last few months; in fact, he almost felt on edge all the time. "Even when he was in high school he was relatively punctual, but now he's just—"
"Joseph, listen to yourself," said Roxy, pushing her bangs to the side and examining herself in a tiny hand mirror while frowning. "He has a daughter, graduated college, and is about as successful as you can be when you're twenty-two. If he's late, he probably has something extremely important to do."
"I guess," said Joseph dryly, breaking into a smile as he realized that the cupcake tower was complete. "I think we'll be able to start by 10:30."
-10:17 am / John's car-
"Goddammit, Vriska, pick up your phone!" John muttered under his breath as he tried to drive into the downtown area of Maple Valley without getting stuck in traffic. Casey was in her car seat, talking nonstop about something Sesame Street-related, but of course Vriska had to run a "tiny errand!" before they left. That had been around eight, and she still hadn't answered any of his calls. Needless to say, John was slightly irritated.
"Gottamit?" asked Casey from the backseat, interrupting his train of thought. "Gottamit asshole?"
"Casey! Don't say that!" chided John, keeping his eyes on the road. "That's not nice!"
"Daddy asshole!" giggled Casey, and John silently promised himself that he would totally prank Vriska in a horrible, ethically dubious way if she didn't have at least a semi-decent excuse for saying "asshole" around their kid. "Daddy ass—"
"Casey, you cannot say that," said John, hastily pulling into an available parking space a few blocks away from the bakery. There was, of all things, a limousine taking up five spots, and John rolled his eyes at the utter excess of glitter and jewels. It was almost embarrassing to just stand next to it. "People who say bad words don't get hugs!"
Casey looked up at him, confused as he put her into the stroller. "But...Uncle Kat?"
"Casey, that's totally irrelevant. Uncle Karkat isn't a baby."
The toddler frowned and crossed her arms over her chest and continued pouting for two whole city blocks before they caught up with who John could only assumed had came in the limo. To be blunt, it was more of an entourage than anything, complete with a bubbly person of indeterminate gender dressed in a leopard-print bodysuit, two massive bodyguards wearing all black, a bored-looking teenager who couldn't be out of high school who wouldn't take her eyes away from her cell phone, an aging man who looked almost translucent, and finally, in the center of it all, a woman who had high heels that were reminiscent of a strip club. They were waiting for the light to change at the crosswalk, and when John pushed the stroller containing Casey next to them, one of the guards turned to the apparent leader and whispered something in her ear. The girl looked up from her phone and narrowed her pierced eyebrows. "What the fuck is with these goddamn midgets," she growled, and John blinked in shock.
"Midgets?" asked Casey, and the lady in charge flashed her a toothy smile before striding across the street. "Daddy, who that?"
"I'm...not sure," said John, making sure to keep his distance. Something seemed rather suspicious about the group, and it made him uncomfortable. However, he didn't have long to ruminate as his phone began to ring. "Hello? Vriska! You'll be here soon? Okay, see you then."
-10:45 am / Main Street-
"This is so stupid," groaned Meenah, peering at the bakery opening across the street. "Why are we even here? I thought you fucking hated humans."
"Shut your crusty windflap, bitch," said the Condesce, sipping her lemonade through a straw. They were "eating" at the cafe across the street from the Egbert bakery, but no one had actually ordered anything but drinks, and no one was actually talking. "Alternia law don't apply here, and I could crush you."
"Whatever, Mom," said Meenah, grinning at the silent fury she had caused only for a moment before sighing again and poking the old man sitting next to her in the ribs. "Yo, Orionn, stop looking like a pissy-ass cluckbeast ready for the slaughter and make some jokes or somefin."
The Grand Highblood sighed and scratched at his disguise. "All of your attempts at red romance."
"Fuck you!" hissed Meenah, but her mother glared at her. "Hey, at least I fucked royalty, buttslut. Your quads have been empty for sweeps."
"Actually, it's custom for the Empress to engage in a kismesitude with the heiress," pitched in Zenith, teasing her violently yellow wig. "Before you, there was Efeely. What a babe."
"Yeah, that lil' shit was pretty cool," said the Condesce a bit dreamily, still concentrating on the scene unfolding across the street. "Other than the fact that she tried to, y'know, stab me with my own trident in my sleep."
"Chill your tits, Batterwitch," snorted Meenah, licking the rim of her coffee cup. "You literally locked me in a cage and then proceeded to fuck me until I was wriggled up."
The Condesce seemed to consider this for a long moment. "You're my clone. It's okay."
"How does that justify anyfin?" growled Meenah. "I was seven."
"Yeah, but you're almost sixteen now," said the Grand Highblood lazily. "You're just another whore, Meenah. Deal with it."
"Y'all fucking suck," said Meenah as people started to enter the bakery. "Aw, fuck yeah. Can we go in?"
"Not yet," said the Condesce, examining her nails. "We have to wait."
Meenah wanted to explode. "What the shell does that mean? We've been here for like, two hours already. I want some fucking baked goods."
"Meenah, we've been on this shitty planet for three hours," said the Condesce. "Stop bitching."
"You're not even doing our thing," said Meenah in an exasperated tone. "Where the fuck are your fish puns?"
"I'm holding it in, you dumb piece of nookslime," whispered the Condesce, taking a fat tube of fuchsia lipstick from her purse. "What the fuck do you think I'm going to do, walk in there and be like, 'Hey! Jane-spawn! I'm sorry I never said hi, but how are you?' Fuck that shit, Meenah! I'd terrify the shit out of that fucker if I did that!"
The table was silent after that.
-11:22 am / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-
"Katrina, hold still," Terezi said as she attempted to subdue the toddler from wiggling off of her lap. "Daddy will buy you a cookie if you stay still."
"I wanna pway," said Katrina in a small, irritated voice. "Case is—"
"Casey needs to stay up front," said Terezi, tapping her foot nervously. The amount of stimuli was hard for her to completely register, and the smell of sugar masked pretty much everything that could be potentially dangerous. There were a few things that stood out—the bright candy red pulsing through Katrina and Karkat's veins, Vriska's perfume wafting near the counter, and the permanent smell of rainwater associated with Kanaya. There was also something only vaguely familiar to Terezi, but she couldn't properly investigate with a hyperactive toddler on her lap. "She has to be in pictures."
"Me too?"
"No, sweetie."
Karkat sat down next to them at the tiny bistro table with a bag of sweets. "Hey, Princess," he said, taking Katrina from Terezi. "Look, kiddo, I got you a cookie!"
Katrina squealed and began to take tiny bites while swinging her legs back and forth and humming. Karkat squeezed her shoulders before turning to face his wife. "Did you get any text messages from Augeth?"
"Nothing important," said Terezi, taking a donut with intricate icing. "Ellen's still in her egg, Mituna hasn't tried to come over, and Obrina attempted to make a 'classic Alternian dish' again."
Karkat groaned. "Have they found an apartment yet?"
"I think they've been talking to a realtor, but I'm not sure," frowned Terezi, checking her phone. She had started to get nervous about the entire adoption situation, mainly because the biological father was completely unpredictable in every way. Latula still hadn't tried to contact any of them, but Mituna almost "visited" daily, bringing random gifts and showing off his new uniform that he got when he became a cashier at an organic grocery store. He seemed to be stabilizing financially, but Karkat had visited his new apartment and had reported that it was still a complete mess, just with a better view.
"Hey, guys!" said John, grinning and bringing over a box overflowing with treats. "Dad accidentally stress-baked too many pastries, so he told me to give you guys a box!"
"Hell yes," said Karkat, taking the box. "Lemon meringue? Oh my god."
Terezi cackled and took a tiny cookie from the box. "Karkles, stop acting like you're having a religious epiphany, you huge dork!"
"Hey, in his defense, you're the hugest dork," said John, still smiling. "Remember when you used to obsess over Dave?"
"The key phrase in that statement is 'used to,'" giggled Terezi. "Unfortunately, the same can not be said for your obsession with shitty movies, Mr. Egbert."
"I'll inform you, Mrs. Vantas, that you really can't judge the quality of movies because you are literally blind to their quality," said John smugly before looking embarrassed. "Oh my god! I'm sorry!"
"Dude, it's okay," said Terezi, relishing in his shame. "You're just so ableist. Oh, well. I guess I'll have to sue you for stating the blatantly obvious fact that I am blind."
John pressed his palm against his face while Karkat tried not to laugh. "Hey, I think you're being...um...is there a word for hating a different species?"
"I think 'xenophobic' would qualify," said Karkat, ruffling Katrina's hair. "Then again, you are married to a literal troll."
"Hey, how do you guys...do it?" asked Terezi. She sensed that John went pink and laughed. "Well, you don't exactly have...a prehensile...yeah! How is that even fun?"
"Vriska said something about 'once you go gray, you're here to stay,'" mumbled John, and Karkat spit out his drink. "What? How do you even...never mind."
Terezi was about to say something else of varying degrees of insult when her phone started to buzz in her pocket. "Hello?" she asked, wondering if it was her new boss. "Who—"
"Terezi?" asked Obrina, sounding slightly out of breath. "Can you come back to the house?"
"Why?" asked Terezi, already standing up. "Is she hatching?"
There was a pause. "Um...yeah, actually," said Obrina, the line crackling with static. "Like, there isn't a break in the shell yet, but she's been rolling around."
"Oh my god," said Terezi, grabbing her purse and trying to not remember that things could go terribly wrong. "Obrina, you have to put blankets in the crib, or towels or something. Don't let her slip out!"
"Er, Mituna kind of already did that."
"What?" asked Terezi, essentially running out of the bakery, leaving a very confused Karkat and Katrina. "Why is he there?"
"He came over right before it started!" exclaimed Obrina, and Terezi heard another electric spark in the background. "Look, Terezi, he's been really helpful! Augeth is still at school, and I have no idea how to handle grubs!"
"Neither does he, dispshit!" shrieked Terezi, causing a few people on the sidewalk to glare at her as she started sprinting towards her parking spot. "Why did you even let him in?!"
"Te—"
Terezi hung up and realized that Karkat was running towards the car, holding a very confused Katrina. H e was saying something but she rolled down the window and screamed something incoherent in Old Alternian. He immediately understood and buckled Katrina into her carseat, and then, they were off.
-11:30 / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-
"Kanaya, please refrain from compulsively purchasing baked goods," said Rose in a practiced drawl. She was exhausted and didn't have the energy to deal with her wife buying yet another box of Egbert's Specialty Cake Mix that would never be made. She wasn't even sure if Kanaya could even bake a cake without burning it. "We have enough as it is."
"Darling, we need at least five more boxes," said Kanaya, as if the knowledge was a common known fact. "After all, commemorating this occasion is something I would always like to remember, even in my old age."
"...I highly doubt cake mix will last several hundred years," said Rose finally, groaning as the twins performed another round of "beating up her insides with no mercy." "I think that one will leave bruises…"
Kanaya kissed her on the cheek and went back to the counter to order more confectionary delights. Rose sighed and suddenly realized that she hadn't actually seen her mother since the opening ceremony. Mr. Egbert was behind the counter, laughing and selling as many goods as he could while an assistant placed another row of cookies in the oven, but Roxy wasn't even in the picture. Okay, she thought, trying to shift past people to the best of her ability, trying to smile when customers parted immediately as soon as they saw the expanse of her belly. Maybe she's in the back?
There was a small office area, an employee-only restroom, and a little waiting area all shoved into the back of the building. Roxy was clutching a box of tissues in one hand and gripping the arm of her wheelchair with the other, looking incredibly strained. "Mom?" asked Rose, standing in the doorway nervously. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," said her mother flatly, closing her eyes. "Why aren't you...enjoying the festivities?"
"I was wondering where you were," said Rose, realizing that her mom was dealing with one of her prime default emotions again. The last time she had been even slightly depressed was around her seventeenth birthday, and even then, she had become more histrionic than anything. Rose could deal with bouts of disillusion and "happy drunk" Mom, but Roxy, as it was, hadn't consumed alcohol for months and knowing as she was a distinguished lady who enjoyed a relatively enormous glass of champagne with every meal, Rose wasn't sure how she was coping, if she even was at all. "Why aren't you enjoying the festivities?"
Roxy sighed and covered her face with her hands. "Please don't spew psycho-babble bullshit right now, Rosie."
"I didn't graduate early for nothing," reminded Rose, sitting down on one of the plastic chairs in the tiny lounge. "Mom, seriously, what are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"Mom."
"Rose."
They stared at each other for a long, drawn out moment, not breaking eye contact until Roxy groaned and closed her eyes, attempting to wheel herself away. Rose stood up and grabbed the handles of the chair and hit the brakes. "You're not getting out of this without telling me what's up."
"Rose, I'm crippled," said Roxy, still messing with the wheels. "If I wasn't...well, in this stupid fucking chair, I could end you."
"Mom, your room had stuffed animals in it when you were thirty," said Rose, bringing her back to the couch area. "You built a mausoleum for our cat and hired a string quartet to play at his funeral. Do you even remember that one time when I gave you a card that said 'I hate you' on Mother's Day when I was six?"
"Not really," admitted Roxy, rolling her eyes. "What did I do?"
"You took one look at it and started bawling before you ran to the bar."
"Well."
"Mother, you are literally not of hurting another human being unless they've proven themselves to be evil. And sure, you're a bit...blunt, per se, but whatever!" exasperated Rose, sitting in front of her. "I'm just trying to say that I know you, and hiding in a corner at a party is a warning sign. Just tell me what's wrong."
Roxy looked slightly miffed to have been called out, but she eventually coughed before speaking. "I think I might be depressed."
"Okay," said Rose, reaching for her hand. "Depression is treatable, Mom."
"I know, it's just the...idea of it, I guess."
"What do you mean?"
"Rosie, it's sort of complicated, and I'm not sure if you need any more stress right now."
"Mom."
"Fine," said Roxy, staring at the ceiling. "Joseph has been trying to get me to see a therapist. The insurance covers it, but I'm not actually sure I want to talk about...things."
"Such as?" asked Rose, expecting to hear another flaky list about her mother's exuberantly wealthy parents.
Roxy looked at her with an almost guilty expression. "Before you were thought of, I wasn't exactly...savory in the character department. We were rich, Rose, you have to understand. Money wasn't a problem. It was the problem."
"Okay?" Rose knew that her mom had joined Tumblr, but the whole "economy is bullshit" speech wasn't something she was prepared for this soon.
"There were a bunch of SkaiaNet kids," continued Roxy. "Like, the engineers would marry each other and then have these super smart, super bratty children who would just run around the main campus and mess around with the interns. My parents fell into the same boat, and I wasn't...good."
Rose nodded, not really sure where any of this was going, but her mother hardly talked about anything of actual substance as it was. This was bound to get interesting.
"The company would have international conventions, and I met one of the head tech's kids. He was very polite to my parents and I, and when we'd see each other he'd give me random stuff. Watches, flowers, chocolates, the like."
"So he was like your first boyfriend?"
Roxy cringed. "I thought so."
"Did he cheat on you or something?" asked Rose, still confused. "He sounded sort of decent."
"Rosie, he gang raped me with his friends."
Rose blinked, trying to understand. "What?"
"I've just been thinking about it a lot," said Roxy dryly, picking at the skin on her hands. Her nails were still perfectly manicured, as always, but the skin on her knuckles was red and blotchy. "I never really dealt with it, and Joseph was the first person I actually told. I don't know."
Rose struggled to find words that would actually sound coherent. " Mom," she finally settled with, "thank you for telling me."
"It's—"
"No," she said, standing up and wrapping her arms around her. "You're brave."
Roxy didn't respond, just hugged her back.
-11:42 am / Karkat & Terezi's house-
Karkat Vantas was overwhelmed with emotions, most of them from self-restraint for not strangling Mituna Captor. The yellow-blood was slightly more than enthusiastic in his mannerisms, gesticulating wildly to Terezi as she shoved past him and darted up the stairs to the nursery, leaving Karkat and Katrina on the ground floor. "It's gonna happen really soon!" shouted Mituna, and Katrina looked startled and began to whimper. "Dude, I'm so excited!"
"Mituna, shut the fuck up," said Karkat, holding Katrina tight against his chest and striding up the stairs. "Hey, Princess, don't cry. You're going to be a big sister."
Katrina blinked and stared up at him in awe. "Real?"
"Really."
Obrina was placing the egg onto Terezi's lap, who immediately steadied it before flashing a grin at Karkat. "Come on, Katrina! Do you want to feel the egg before Ellen hatches?"
Karkat sat down on the floor next to Terezi while Katrina tentatively stuck out a tiny hand and touched the egg. She squealed and pulled back, cuddling against Karkat, who laughed and tried to comprehend the fact that they were actually doing this. The egg rocked violently underneath his wife's hands before quivering as the shell began to crack. Everyone—even Mituna—was silent as a tiny leg burst through the shell and waved almost frantically.
Katrina nuzzled closer against Karkat, still staring at the hatching process. "C'mon, baby," said Terezi, bringing the egg closer to her and rubbing tiny circles on the surface with her thumbs. "You're almost there, Ellen."
There was a muffled squeak from inside and then the casing collapsed as a grub with a honey-colored body sat up on its hind legs, sniffed the air, and clumsily toddled towards Terezi before curling against her leg and chirping contentedly. It took a while for anyone to speak, but Katrina finally broke the silence. "Bug?"
"Baby," said Karkat, watching Terezi scoop up Ellen and hold her against her chest, cooing some kind of lullaby. "She's perfect."
"Look at her little curly hair," murmured Terezi, stroking grub's tiny cheek. "Oh my god. She's so cute."
"Bug," said Katrina indignantly, looking slightly disturbed. "Squish."
"Katrina, we don't squish your little sister," said Karkat, brushing Ellen's hair back to see her horns. "Captor, she has your horn mutation."
"Hell yeah, she does," said Mituna tearfully, looking at her with little sparks at the corners of his eyes. "Does she have psiionics?"
Terezi checked underneath the fluffy mass of hair. Two enormous yellow eyes blinked back at her. "No, Latula's genetics trumped that gene."
"Daddy," whispered Katrina, still looking at Ellen with confusion, "why Mommy holding bug?"
"That's your little sister," said Terezi quietly while Ellen yawned and showed off a very sharp row of Pyrope teeth. "Hey, sweetie. I'm your mommy, and that guy is Daddy, and Katrina is your big sister."
"I'm your uncle!" said Mituna loudly, wiping his eyes. "Um, I'm just gonna go downstairs and eat your food."
"There's a box of cookies in the car that you can have," whispered Karkat, still admiring the tiny grub. "Hey, Ellen." She tried to prop herself in Terezi's arms, squeaking excitedly while extending her forearms towards him.
"She wants you," said Terezi, supporting the back of her head and helping to place her into Karkat's arms. "Was Katrina this vocal when she first hatched?"
"Not really," said Karkat, while Ellen decided that his jacket was delicious. "Hey! That's not food!"
Ellen looked up at him and whistled before continuing to chew on his front pocket, making little squeaking noises as she went. "I think someone has already proven that they're not a picky eater, thank God," said Terezi, holding Katrina. "Look, baby, she's not a bug. It's okay."
Katrina shook her head and yawned, resting her head against her mother's chest. "Nap," she commanded, and Terezi whispered that she would be back before standing up with the tiny wiggler, leaving Karkat alone with the newborn. He still couldn't believe that he wasn't dreaming or delusional, but when Ellen bit on to his thumb, everything was clear.
"Biting isn't nice, sweetie," he said as a bright red drop ran down his hand. "You're going to have a good life, I promise."
Ellen squeaked again and blinked. "Really," said Karkat. "You'll love it here, and even if you don't, there isn't a refund."
That seemed to placate any worry, and the grub gurgled before falling asleep in his hands.
-12:00 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-
"Babe, what the fuck are you doing?" asked Heather, who was currently practicing prenatal yoga in front of the television. She had gone to her first doctor's appointment, and had decided that being a pothead who only consumed deep-fried chicken byproducts and Mountain Dew was a terrible practice to continue throughout her pregnancy, so she had decided to go on a mission to only eat organic vegetables and read to the baby every night. Gamzee, on the other hand, was down to his last two containers of condensed sopor, and was starting to feel the itch for some form of excitement. "Gamzee?"
"Chill your tits, I'm in the ablution chamber," he shouted, violently scrubbing shampoo into his hair. He had started to think about Karkat again, and it wasn't exactly easy given the circumstances of the end of their moirallegiance. Actually, it was the absolute worst.
Stupid memories.
His cellular communication device vibrated on the floor next to the tub, and he groaned as he realized that someone was pestering the fuck out of him on Trollian. "Fuck."
-)(er Imperious Condescension [)(IC] started trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 12:02-
)(IC: mackerel where the fuck yo purple ass at
TC: WhO ThE FuCk iS ThIs?
TC: I'M TaKiNg a fUcKiNg bAtH RiGhT NoW AnD I ReAlLy dOn't wAnT To tAlK To aNoThEr tRoLl lAdY WhO WaNtS To rIdE My bOnE BuLgE. sOmEtHiNg aBoUt sIgNiNg uP FoR ThAt sItE WaS A MiStAkE, mAn, AnD If i hAvE To cOnFrOnT AnOtHeR ThIrStY AsS LoWbLoOd wHo nEeDs a mAtE FoR DrOnE SeAsOn, I'M GoInG To fUcKiNg fLiP My sHiT.
)(IC: are you fuckin kiddin me right now
)(IC: im not on here because of yo stupid datin profile ya sick lil beach
)(IC: did yo even read yo notification system
)(IC: it literally says who i am
TC: Oh.
TC: WhAt's uP, bArOnEsS?
)(IC: yo progenitor aboat to kick the bucket
TC: ThAt's rEaLlY FuCkInG VuLgAr.
)(IC: shut up pipsqueak its an -EXPR-ESSION yo land dwellin pleb
TC: Oh, RiGhT.
TC: SoRrY I'M HiGh aS FuCk rIgHt nOw.
)(IC: im not even wit yo and that is clearly a problem
)(IC: anyway yo stupid invertebro is a lil bitch and we can't have that in the palace
TC: KuRlOz iS A MoThErFuCkInG WeIrDo aNd yOu cAn't rEaLlY DeNy tHaT.
TC: He cHeWeD OfF HiS FuCkInG ToNgUe, BrO. tHaT ShIt wAsN'T CoOl.
)(IC: -EXACTLY
)(IC: how the fuck did he think he was gonna release the vast fuckin honk
)(IC: that's a fuckin shame that he went crabshit crazy
TC: SuRe mAn, WhAtEvEr fLoAtS YoUr bOaT.
)(IC: did ya
)(IC: did ya really just
TC: WhAt? DiD I FuCkInG OfFeNd yOu?
)(IC: lets not breech the subject shell we
)(IC: anyway do yo wanna be the next ghb
TC: WaIt a fUcKiNg sEcOnD.
TC: ArE YoU TeLlInG Me tHaT YoU'Re jUsT OfFeRiNg mE A PoSiTiOn iN A RoYaL CoUrT As tHe bEsT FuCkInG BrUtAlIzEr tHeRe iS? aNd tHeRe iSn't a cAtCh?
)(IC: goddamn kid im blushin
)(IC: but reely yo ass is welcome in the court after orionn dies
)(IC: i think he gotta sweep at the most
TC: WeLl tHeN.
TC: SiGn mE ThE FuCk uP.
)(IC: 38D
-)(er Imperious Condescension logged the fuck out-
-6:30 pm / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-
Joseph sighed and sat down behind the counter. He had done it—finally, after years of planning, he had opened a bakery, and the first day was a complete success.
There was the squeak of the wheelchair, and Roxy pulled up beside him, kissing him on the cheek. "You did an excellent job."
"You, too," Joseph said, kissing her on the lips. "We're technically done for the day. If you want, we could go out to eat…"
"I swear to God, I would cut off my legs if I could just go to Olive Garden," said Roxy, placing her hands on her stomach and sighing dreamily. "Could we go—"
The entrance of the bakery opened and a tall, thin woman whom Joseph had never seen in his entire life smiled at him. "Hello," she said, examining the menu. "You wouldn't happen to be closing already, would you?"
"Well, it is our first day," said Joseph proudly, putting his arm around Roxy's shoulders. "And at some point, we'd like to get home and celebrate—"
"With perhaps a bottle of champagne?" said the woman, raising an eyebrow. "If you're interested, I know a perfectly lovely restaurant a few blocks away. I think it's Italian..?"
"I've been there, actually!" piped Roxy, who was still salivating at the thought of garlic bread. "The service is absolutely amazing, though I'm sure having any alcoholic substances wouldn't be of best interest right now."
The woman looked confused, then smiled brightly. "A bakery and a new baby? I guess the two of you will have plenty of 'bun in the oven' jokes."
Roxy laughed and Joseph smiled sheepishly. "Well, yes," he said, wondering why she seemed so familiar. "Do you bake, Miss…?"
"Recreationally," said the woman, pouting. "I'd love to do it more often, seeing as it was my first accomplishment, but I've found that running a company can be difficult work."
"You own a company?" asked Roxy, looking genuinely interested. "Which one?"
"Oh, you might have heard of it," smiled the woman, and suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light.
Joseph reached for Roxy in his confusion, dropping his pipe on the floor and praying that something hadn't exploded. Her hands grasped his, and then, as oddly as it came, the lights were back to normal, and the bakery almost seemed as quaint as a postcard picture. Well, excluding the troll wearing a one-piece outfit and copious amounts of jewelry standing in the place of the nice lady they had talked to only seconds before.
For a moment, the Egberts stared at her without any words. She was taller than the trolls they knew, but seemed to be incredibly young and vibrant. Her horns nearly scraped against the ceiling, and instead of slightly pointed ears, she had long, delicate fins that quivered in the nighttime air as well as gills running down the length of her neck. Unlike the others, her nose wasn't very defined at all, almost childish in appearance, and her lips were full and a deep shade of fuchsia. But her strangest feature had to be the sheer volume of her hair, which was thick and black and almost moved on its own.
Joseph felt like he couldn't speak, but apparently, Roxy could. "Who...are you?" she asked timidly.
"Whale, some people call me 'Empress' or 'Her Imperious Condescension,' but those are reely fuckin' formal, don't ya think?" she said, her shark teeth forming a smile. She then looked directly at Joseph, her grin widening. "But you, buoy, can call me Grandma."
