-Tuesday, March 12, 9:34 am-

-twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

TA: KK ii know you're probably takiing 2hiity hiigh re2olutiion photo2 of you and TZ'2 crotch 2pawn but ii need you two hiit me up at 2ome poiint twoniight

TA: liike iit doe2n't really matter when per2ay but ii want to talk two you before 2hiit really hiit2 the metaphoriical rotatiing metal blade fixture

CG: HOLY FUCK, SOLLUX, THIS IS WHAT, THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE ACTUALLY CONTACTED ME IN A YEAR?

TA: what the FUCK ii2 a year

TA: vanta2 have you gone completely 2oft iin the thiinkpan or what…

TA: nevermiind 2tupiid que2tiion

TA: anyway feferii and ii ju2t broke out of the fii2h prii2on

CG: WHAT.

CG: WEREN'T YOU ON COMPLETE LOCKDOWN?

CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO TROLLIAN? AREN'T YOU LIKE.

CG: WAIT. WHAT?

TA: wow the reward for mo2t ab2olutely fuckiing den2e motherfucker iin the room goe2 to karkat vanta2

TA: there'2 goiing to be an entiire ceremony whiile you accept your giilded 2hiit trophy

TA: ii wiill be clappiing and 2triider wiill 2ob liike a liittle biitch

TA: iin the background 2omeone wiill chant 'one of u2'

CG: STRIDER AND I DON'T EVEN FUCKING TALK, CAPTOR.

CG: AND STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE SHIT. I SERIOUSLY HAD NO IDEA.

TA: wow all aboard the 2ympathy traiin!

TA: whiile you have been preoccupiied nurturiing a fal2e 2en2e of 2ecuriity, 2ome of u2 have been actiively tryiing to not be u2ed a2 fuckiing batteriie2 for a war2hiip that could ea2iily bla2t through any chance of hope for you or your 2nivelliing off2priing

CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WERE YOU ALWAYS THIS PISSY?

TA: who i2 je2u2 and why ii2 iit fuckiing chrii2t

CG: HUMAN HALF DEITY WHO APPARENTLY BROUGHT SHITTY HUMANS TOGETHER.

CG: I DON'T KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE HE WAS SOME ALTERNATE HUMAN SIGNLESS BUT WITH A MORE CIVILIZED FOLLOWING GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

TA: weiird

TA: how do human2 even recollect thii2 2hiit

TA: don't they all have liike a pretty 2tandard and 2hort liife2pan

TA: 2orry ii am kiind of fucked riight now

CG: BUT...ARE YOU SERIOUS? IS THE CONDESCE ACTUALLY TRYING TO ORGANIZE AN ARMY?

TA: dude 2he'2 way pa2t that partiicular 2tage of development KK

TA: 2he'2 ju2t been...collectiing

CG: COLLECTING?

TA: ii couldn't 2ave the other2, karkat

CG: WHAT? DUDE YOU'RE LOSING ME.

TA: there

TA: there were a bunch of grub2 and wriiggler2 and they all had vii2iion twofold

TA: ii don't know but ii thiink ii mu2t have been one of the olde2t ones there

TA: liike half of them hadn't even hiit 2econd pupatiion

CG: WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS SHE

CG: OH

TA: they were 2tiill really liittle riight

TA: and they couldn't control the bla2ts and

TA: there wa2 2o much gold

TA: they were practiically 2wiimiing iin iit

CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY?

TA: 2hiit

TA: fuck ii gotta go

TA: feferii i2 2tiill adju2tiing to beiing free and 2he'2 2tumbliing around liike 2ome pathetiic iinfant twiigy leg lu2u2

TA: iit'2 actually pretty hiilariou2 but iit won't be okay iif 2he get2 u2 kiilled

TA: bye KK

-twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]-


-12:23 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-

Cronus groaned and immediately was aware of the heavy weight coiled around his body. He swallowed and realized that Porrim was sleeping on his chest, her hands cupped around his shoulder and her lips near his grubscars, violet and cobalt blood dried on her face. She was extremely warm and soft and he gulped as he started to feel just so slightly aroused. However, there was a loud 'ahem' at the foot of the bed and he realized that Serket was glaring at him over a cup of tea.

"Good morning, bulgewarmer," she said, a sneer on her plump face. "How are you?"

"To be polite, Aranea, I believe your matesprit is acting as the bulgewarmer," he said with a grin. "Assuming you're still working in that quadrant."

"To be polite, Ampora, she just likes the way you taste," growled Aranea, her fangs bared for a second before she paled and blinked. She stood up slowly, her bathrobe tied tightly around her waist, and continued giving Cronus the stink eye before leaving the premises.

The sea troll rolled his eyes and let his left hand twinge around Porrim's hairline. "Maryam, wake up. Spiderbitch wants to kill me."

"She always wants to kill you," mumbled Porrim, eyes still shut. She groaned and kissed Cronus lightly, almost in a pale sort of way, before adjusting herself and sitting up. "That was good," she sighed, her gray tongue licking the blood off of her lips, her yellow sclera glowing slightly in the early morning light. "Same time tonight?"

"Of course," said Cronus, rubbing the base of her horn. She purred and stood up, stalking out of the bedroom.

He didn't exactly live with them, or really any of the other trolls who were residing in the gross human mobilehive park, but he definitely was there enough to piss of Aranea. His...descendant? Dancestor? He and Eridan were too close in age for those labels to apply, but the other seadweller seemed to chase after him with admiration, always asking him about what it was like to almost be an orphaner and even moreso about what it was like to have experience with writing semi-decent fanfiction. The kid even adopted his old Trollian-Archive username as his trollHandle, which was equal parts gratifying and creepy. Despite the constant wave of praise, however, Cronus couldn't really associate with Eridan or even try to see him as an acquaintance. It was too close to home.

His thoughts were interrupted by a yelp from across the trailer. There was the creaking of floorboards and then a hushed shriek followed by some inaudible mumbling, and finally "Cronus, can you come here for a moment?" from Porrim. He sighed and wandered back to kitchen. Porrim's eyes were wide and she looked shocked, hands gripping on the back of a chair. "Okay," she said, biting her lower lip and sighing. "I need you to get me some towels and maybe some whiskey."

"Whiskey?"

"Yeah, um," said the jadeblood, rubbing her temples absentmindedly, "Aranea's having a bit of an issue."

"What, does she have a clinical case of being a fat bitch?" asked Cronus, only half joking. "Did she break a chair or something with her blubber alone?"

"No, you fuck," said Porrim, glaring at him. "I don't know, she's bleeding."

"Bleeding."

"I don't know why!" hissed Porrim, her voice breaking as a very clear inclination that she definitely knew what the fuck was going on. "Just get me some whiskey and some towels!" Cronus blinked and ollied the fuck out.


-12:46 pm / Mituna's Apartment-

Ellen was not a happy wiggler.

She had been permanently relinquished to Mituna's care about a month before and after sniffing his hand, she hissed and ran into the closet. Karkat had chased after her, but by the time he found her, she was already winding silk into a tight cocoon, glaring at him as she prepared to pupate. "She's pissed," said Mituna in awe, and he had left a space heater in front of the closet to make sure she would have a comfortable pupation. Karkat had left shortly after, a pained smile creasing his features, but what was done was done.

That had been a month ago.

It was time to hatch.

Mituna had called a few days off from work and was currently sitting in front of the closet entrance, watching the cocoon tremble slightly every few minutes. He was still relatively freaked out about the entirety of becoming an actual father in more than a biological sense, and he was a bit more than anxious about the grub's actual instincts when it came to recognizing him as a friendly adult and not a predator. Sniffing, he took a long swallow from his mug of coffee and leaned forward as the cocoon began to violently twitch.

"Shit," he said, retrieving his cell phone to take pictures. His coworkers constantly showed off photos of their drooling hornless children, and he felt like it would be cool to have a picture of his daughter as his lock screen. That was a thing normal human dads did, right?

As he set up the camera to record, he placed it on the floor at an angle and inhaled deeply as the cocoon wiggled back and forth. "Come on, Captor Junior!" he said, static fluffing his hair. "You can do it, you little shit!"

At the sound of 'little shit', the cocoon ripped down the middle and Ellen tumbled out, falling onto the pile of pillows and blankets set up earlier. Mituna held his breath as she looked up, still covered with silky down as she sneezed. Her horns were more prominent, and she had more defined features that reminded her father of Latula-a heart shaped face and a sharp nose, but the toothy fangs that were undeniably a Captor trait. She rubbed some of the excess fluff out of her eyes and blinked, gray pupils widening as she registered Mituna.

They stared at each other for a solid minute before Ellen sat up and growled. "Krrrk?" she asked, her vocal cords rusty. She coughed violently and shivered. "W...weh?"

"Um," said Mituna, not really sure what his kid was trying to say. Don't freak out, she probably can't talk for another month or two. Just feed her something or give her a bath FUCK HOW DO I BE A DAD I DON'T EVEN EAT MY OWN VEGETABLES FUCK FUCK FUCK. "Do you...want some food?"

"Krrrruhk," said Ellen with some insistence, arching her shoulders and glaring at Mituna. She spit out something intelligible and suddenly scampered further into the closet with a tiny shriek.

Mituna blinked and bit his lower lip. "...fuck."

Parenting was not going to be easy.

Parenting was not going to be easy at all.