(A/N) we have a wiki now! i mainly made it so i could keep track of characters and stuff since this is such a heavy AU, but there's also pictures and other fun stuff! i update it somewhat regularly but also if anyone wants to help update i don't really care lol.
newplanetnewlife fandom
also here is the tumblr! newplanetnewlife
-Thursday, March 21, 11:16 am / Strider Penthouse-
Rose: 33 weeks
Roxy: 23 weeks
The penthouse was, as usual, unusually warm. Jade had Blake in his high chair and was attempting to remove his small, ridiculous aviator sunglasses to no avail: her son was completely and utterly emotionally bound to anything deemed even remotely "cool" by his father, and the sunglasses were essentially glued to his face at this point. "Blake," sighed Jade, tying her long hair back into a messy ponytail before getting back down on her knees and looking at him. "You need to take off your glasses."
"No," said Blake simply, barely making eye contact as he began to examine his food. "What this?"
"Blake, it's bananas. Your favorite ," stressed Jade. She had recently sent in a resume and a list of credentials to the local branch of SkaiaTech and was a bit more than nervous at the possibility of rejection. Although there was a lot of money in the penthouse, she wasn't quite sure where the source of the income was. Dave sat on the couch and occasionally went to his "studio" to record so-called sick beats, and his Bro...she really didn't know what Dirk did. Most of the time he slipped in and out of the apartment like a socially awkward ghost. Therefore, Jade felt the urgent need to get as far away from the entire Strider situation as quickly as possible: sure, she loved Dave, but the actual relationship with him seemed more like one of his deluded pipe dreams in one of the early drafts of a song on his EP. Paradise, although ideal, was not what she was living through, and Blake's recent behavioral issues were starting to worry her as well.
After her grandfather died, she had moved back to the mainland and had gone on to be put through foster home after foster home on Oahu. Kids made fun of her in the homes, mainly because living with her grandfather on a small island caused her to become disconnected from what most kids her age found popular, but after a while she learned to hide it completely, only researching astrophysics and booksmarts in the library. That was where she made her Pesterchum, where she really met Dave and John and Rose—uploading the occasional photo from her small, dog-shaped flash drive, always of her looking happy and smiling with a sunny background. She was never going to admit to anyone what it felt like being so alone, but then she got into a good university with a full ride scholarship and could do anything and everything that she wanted.
She was scared, however, because in the library, there had been a few books on neurological disorders and a fat, ugly copy of the DSM-IV-TR . She used to read it as a source of amusement— and to try to understand what Rose meant when she misdiagnosed Dave with an Oedipus complex—but there were always a few disorders that she was confused by. Why would anyone do that ? she pondered in her naivety, doubting if such conditions were even real. Now, ten years later, she realized that her son was displaying several symptoms that needed to be addressed.
As Jade began to collect her relative fears, Dave burst through the door, smiling enormously. "Yo, Jade," he said, sitting down next to Blake. "Hey, lil' man. Okay, I have some really good news."
"Hmm?" asked Jade, trying to keep him slightly happy. Lately he had been a little lethargic, but today he had actually gone outside on a "super secret mission." She had absolutely no idea what that actually entailed, but still . "Is that deli having a sale again? We really need some more lunch meat…"
"Well, yeah that, but this is way bigger than a chunk of turkey breast, Jade," said Dave, motioning for her to sit next to him. "Like, you should sit down."
Jade raised her eyebrows but complied, trying to look authoritative. "Okay? Spit it out."
Dave inhaled. "I got a record deal."
This was completely unexpected. "What?"
"Yeah, there's this branch of Interscope, right, and I kind of submitted my stuff when I was totally drunk. I don't actually remember sending it in? But, yeah!. I went in today, signed some contracts, and wham ! Ten years of Dave Strider, rap legend!" exclaimed Dave, gesticulating wildly as his grin spread across his face. "I'm gonna be like fucking Mackelmore, but with better hair and more solid lyrics!"
"Dave," said Jade, putting her hands over Blake's ears. "I'm really happy for you, but you have to remember—"
"Jade," interrupted Dave, looking almost manic in his happiness, "Blake won't have to go to public school. We can move out of this shitty apartment and get a fucking mansion or something. Money for ages , man."
She started to comprehend what he meant and plastered on a smile. "I...wow!" exclaimed Jade, still completely worried about Blake. Maybe we can get treatment early , she thought as she kissed Dave. Maybe he won't have to deal with special ed classes or bullies or anything negative. "If we move—"
"When we move!"
"Okay, when we move," said Jade, wondering if it was even plausible, "how about we go to Washington? All of our friends are there, and the schools are really good, and Blake could grow up with Casey and Katrina and Rose's kids—"
"Jade," said Dave very slowly, "that is fucking brilliant ."
-Saturday, March 23, 1:25 pm / John & Vriska's House-
"Thanks for letting me and Katrina come over," Karkat said to John, entering the Egberts' house with a sigh. "Things have been…intense."
John smiled sympathetically and closed the door behind his neighbors. "No problem. How is…everything? If you don't mind me asking, of course."
Karkat set Katrina down on the floor and watched as she toddled into the living room to watch TV. "Terezi really needed some time alone," he said uneasily, subconsciously bringing his voice down. "With the whole Ellen thing not working out…"
"I can only imagine." There was a moment of tense silence before John continued. "Do you want to maybe sit in the kitchen? I'm sorry Casey's not here to play with Katrina; Vriska's been taking her to see Roxy literally every other day…"
"How is she doing?" Karkat asked as the two made their way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Roxy, I mean. Is she any better?"
John nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, lots, actually! She's officially off of bedrest next week, and she and my dad are really excited. It… is going to be weird, though, having a sibling who's 23 years younger than me…"
His comment made Karkat remember his original train of thought, and the troll groaned in frustration. "I just…don't know what Terezi and I are going to do!"
"What do you mean?"
"He's just so incompetent !" Karkat managed to catch himself before he raised his voice to a shout, and let out a loud sigh to calm himself down some.
"Who?" John cautiously asked. He was only vaguely aware of the Vantases' situation based on what limited information they and Vriska had told him, not to mention he was still having trouble with the names of the new cast of recently-emigrated trolls. He was very curious of the whole situation; however, he knew there were delicate boundaries he didn't want to overstep.
Karkat continued to hold himself back. "Mituna!" He could feel the anger continue to build inside of him and he pursed his lips. "Yeah, sure, Ellen's his genetic daughter, but he literally has no idea what he's doing, and yet he's the one who gets to raise her?!"
John hadn't seen his friend this unsettled in a long time, and decided to establish himself as an external source of reason in the conversation. After all, they had gotten too far down the road for their friendship to sour any. "But didn't you say that Katrina and Ellen would actually end up killing each other at some point?"
"I don't know, maybe?" Karkat knew John was right; there was no way the two young trolls would be able to peacefully coexist within the same living space, at least while they were still so young. "Just, knowing that totally ruins everything ! We want more kids, but that's a terrible idea if it just means they're going to end up murdering each other! And it doesn't help that Terezi's pregnant again and I don't have a job and—"
"Wait—what?"
Karkat stared at John's wide eyes and immediately realized his mistake. " Shit ," he sighed. "Um. Yeah. She found out literally the same day I lost my job."
John didn't quite know how to respond, and merely offered his condolences.
-4:56 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-
"Regina, what are you doing?" asked Tavros, pulling the grub off the concerningly long curtains framing the window overlooking the living area. Kanaya had stopped by the previous week and had insisted on doing some type of interior decorating in the mobile hive he shared with Nepeta and Equius, complete with a fresh coat of paint in the kitchen and a gifted stack of rejected baby clothes "Because I May Have Been A Tad Too Enthusiastic And Now Rose Says We Have Too Many And I Do Not Want To Irritate Her Any Further." The faux wood paneling walls were now a bright shade of white, and while it did make the trailer feel a little less shoddy, it did nothing to prevent the already bright Earth sun from unintentionally blinding himself or his housemates at times.
To his surprise, parenthood had been relatively easy for Tavros so far. Fortunately it seemed Regina didn't inherit any destructive genes from her other father, and was easily placated when upset, and most of the warnings Vriska had given him had yet to apply to the grub. For the most part, Regina was content with simply being in the same room with Tavros, and seemed to occupy herself just fine with whatever old toys Vriska had given Tavros for her to play with.
Speaking of Vriska, the blue blood had been even more sympathetic since Regina's hatching, to the point where Tavros was beginning to find it extremely irritating. She checked up on him nearly every day, whether it be by text message or an in-person visit, and somehow found a way to insert unsolicited advice into nearly every sentence she said to him. In fact, she had insisted on bringing Casey and the dog over for the evening, not only so John could work on another piece of his research in peace, but presumably so she could irritate Tavros even further than he already was.
Tavros cradled Regina in his arms and was about to sit down with her to watch some TV when he heard pounding on the front door. "Coming!" he called, placing the grub in the playpen in the corner of the room before going to answer the door.
"Hey Tinkerdork!" exclaimed Vriska, fangs gleaming in the afternoon sunlight as Sammy and Casey darted past her and into the trailer. "What's up?"
"Um…the same thing as three days ago?" he answered, unsure of where this particular visit would go. He had briefly spoken to Karkat on the subject of grub-rearing, and they had both come to the mutual understanding that because of the whole alien thing, external childcare was most certainly not an option, at least not until Regina pupated. As the only troll in the household without a job, the task of watching Regina naturally fell on Tavros, and he was beginning to go stir-crazy.
"Just wondering, dude." She shut the door behind her and carried three grocery bags into the kitchen, setting them down with a thud. "I brought dinner and snacks!"
"Yep," said Tavros, glancing at the dog and toddler who were both inspecting Regina in the playpen.
"First…" Vriska pulled out her phone and began fiddling with it. "…some cooking tunes!"
"Um?"
"It makes cooking so much easier ," explained Vriska, putting a playlist on shuffle and turning the volume up. "Besides, you'll get some exposure to some real human culture bullshit. I swear, if I hear 'High Hopes' one more time, I'm going to go feral…"
Her last sentence was somewhat concerning to Tavros, but she beamed and began pulling the ingredients she had just bought out of the bags. "Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Hamburger Helper ." She proudly set the box of pasta on the counter before taking out a package of ground beef. "All you gotta do is cook the meat, mix the pasta and some water in with it, and let it sit for a few minutes."
Tavros was unsure. "It's...that easy?"
Vriska scoffed. "Yeah! John doesn't like it when I buy it because it's Betty Crocker brand, but whether or not we buy it doesn't change the fact that he's related to the Batter- bitch ."
It took Tavros a few seconds to digest what Vriska had said, and after a long pause he finally uttered a "What?"
"Yeah, it's really weird." Vriska bit her lip, turning around to check that the combination of Casey plus Regina plus Sammy hadn't gone extremely wrong, then turned the stove eye on before bending down to rummage through the cabinet for a skillet. "Turns out John's grandma—that's his dad's mom, remember—the Condesce is her mom. So that means John is her great-grandson, and Casey's her great-great-granddaughter."
Tavros stared at her, wide-eyed, before she continued. "Yeah, it's super weird, and to be honest I have no idea why none of us are dead. It's eerily coincidental, if you ask me."
Tavros remained silent, only nervously watching as Vriska continued to start dinner for himself and the rest of the group. "Um," he began, listening to the somewhat worrying sound of the stove eye heating up, "what is… John-human doing?"
Ripping the plastic wrap off the tray of ground beef, Vriska beamed. "Okay, so you know how John's super smart, right? So he's in graduate school—that's like some super fancy and expensive post-secondary educational institution humans go to—and they're paying him to do research? I don't really understand it, since it's something out of my particular field of expertise, but it's something that has to do with theoretical ecto-biological systems. Weird, huh?"
"I… guess?" By now the skillet was crackling, and Vriska promptly dumped the tray of ground beef into it. "Where is he, exactly?"
"So they're paying him to do the research, but that's only under the condition that he teaches classes." The cerulean-blood began to break apart the meat with a spatula, briefly glancing back at the children and dog as she did so. "He's teaching some biology class, I don't know. He gets paid for it, so I don't really care what kind of class it is."
She heard a sharp growl, and immediately turned around to see Casey and Regina equally bothering Sammy. "Casey, don't do that," she scolded, temporarily leaving the stove to pull her daughter off the dog. "Don't bother Sammy, or he'll get angry!"
Casey immediately gasped. "Sammy mad?"
"He'll be mad if you don't stop," Vriska told her, and after contemplating whether or not to listen to her mother, she shrugged before trying to figure out a way to play with Regina through the playpen's bars.
While Vriska turned back to the cooking, Tavros kept his eyes on Vriska's protégé and his daughter. God, his daughter . That was still weird to think about.
"Anyway, Tav, sometimes you just really need to keep an eye on her," Vriska started. Here comes another lecture . "Like, especially when things get quiet. Usually, when Casey's not making any noise, that means she's probably doing something she's not supposed to be doing."
"Sure," Tavros said, uninterested but not wanting to start anything.
"Like, there was this one time where I left Casey alone for like two minutes while I went to go pee or something, and then I came back and she was gone? I know you live in a smaller house than we do, but don't underestimate how many places there are for kids to hide…"
Tavros nodded, but Vriska only continued. "And then, holy shit , when Regina pupates and starts walking? Good luck, because you wouldn't think that something so small would be so fast , but—"
"Vriska, can you just shut up for once?!"
That was unexpected. "Tav, I just want to help," Vriska told him.
"I don't always want your help!" he spat back. "It's like you're not even doing it because you genuinely want to help me; you're probably just doing it to make yourself feel better! Do you even think about anyone other than yourself?!"
Tavros immediately felt his face grow warm. Did I really just say that? he thought, both shocked and proud he had actually stood up for himself for once.
Vriska simply stared at him, digesting his words. Everyone was silent, the only backing track being the mix of music and TV and sizzling. She didn't know what happened, but what he had said had actually resonated with something inside her. Do I…? she thought. Her mind immediately filled with a montage of her worst moments since coming to Earth—every hospital visit, every emotional breakdown, every disagreement she'd had with her friends and even her husband…especially Larissa.
Her stare shifted to an unfocused gaze, and the moment became even more tense when Tavros realized her eyes were welling with tears.
Finally she answered him.
"I don't."
By now Tavros was very much beginning to regret lashing out at her, and he quickly realized that there was a lot he wasn't aware of (and probably had no business knowing). This was extremely unfamiliar territory, being on the right side of an argument—with Vriska Serket, of all people. "Vriska…?"
Vriska simply stifled a sob as she sunk down to the floor, leaving Tavros absolutely bewildered as he stared down at the person who, as far as he was concerned, had been a Huge 8itch most of her life but was now displaying a vulnerable side he was immensely uncomfortable with.
"Are you okay…?" Tavros asked clearly, crouching down next to her. "I didn't mean to make you upset—"
Vriska sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Tav, you're right. I don't think about anyone besides myself."
This revelation was something he wasn't expecting, and he wasn't sure whether to respond or keep silent. Fortunately for Tavros, Vriska kept talking.
"I almost hurt Casey because I'm so fucking selfish," she continued. "If something happened to her that was all because of me, it'd absolutely crush me. Like, I didn't even want her at first, but something changed at some point, and I decided that I should put all the bullshit behind me and be the best troll I can be, for her —but it always fucking backfires! I've been so focused on being 'the best' my whole life that I haven't ever stopped to look at the big picture!"
Vriska sniffed again before absolutely losing it. "I fucking killed her , Tavros," she sobbed, trying her best to bring her voice down to a whisper so Casey wouldn't hear. "Casey would have had a little sister, but because I'm so fucking selfish , I killed her! And John was so mad at me and I wanted to die and—"
By this point Tavros had realized listening was probably the best thing to do, so he simply wrapped his arms around Vriska's shoulders in support. Somewhere along the way, he had figured her "take charge" attitude was merely a front, but he hadn't realized just how much she had been hiding up until now. "It's okay, Vriska," he said unsurely, not knowing if what he perceived as support would be something she'd perceive as an attack.
She sniffed and broke a small smile. "You've always been so nice, Tav," she told him, hugging him back. "I'm sorry I've been nothing but a bitch to you, and I'm sorry I pushed you off a cliff and made you lose your legs, and…"
"You haven't always been a bitch," said Tavros playfully, causing Vriska to laugh. "And, this might be awkward, but…do you want to…start over?"
Vriska looked up at him. "What?"
"Like, I know you're trying to be nicer and stuff, and you apologized to me without me actually having to prompt you? And we're on a new planet, which sounds like a pretty fresh start to me." He smiled and stood up, sticking out his hand for Vriska. "Do you want to be, like…human friends?"
Vriska wiped her eyes again and took his hand, smiling. "Human friends." Tavros helped her stand up and she brushed off her pants. "And look, if I ever start like…offering unsolicited advice again, just tell me, okay?" She lightly laughed. "I'm sorry for crying on your floor…"
Tavros snorted. "That sounded really sad—"
"Holy shit, did your voice just crack?!"
The two started to laugh, but then Vriska noticed an abundance of smoke beginning to pour from the stove. "The meat—!"
(A/N) happy 4/13 guys!
anyway i haven't forgotten about this! in fact i've spent a good chunk of coronacation replaying hiveswap/hiveswap friendsim/pesterquest and it's like really re-piqued my interest in homestuck? anyway there's a lot of that material that didn't exist when the first 3 volumes of this series was written obvi so i'm excited to put some of that stuff in this AU!
also, i was going through a bunch of old files and found a bunch of stuff that never made it into previous chapters but should have? like there was a lot of stuff that somehow didn't make it into the final drafts, and it was all stuff that clarified other stuff and otherwise just made sense. so that's been reinserted into other chapters! i've also done some basic editing of the first few chapters of YME, working on catching up and editing the other volumes in this series to fix grammatical and continuity errors and stuff. nothing major, just updating :~)
follow my tumblr! merryvrismas
