As always, thanks go out to all my readers, with a special thanks going to those who left reviews on the last chapter. It meant a lot to me.
Now on with the story...
CHAPTER LXIX
FOR KITH AND KIN
Annalyn did not hold back when she confided in Ninael. From the intimate dream and the incessant tug, to her mind connection with Haldir, she laid it all bare. Being so weary, she could do no less.
The Elf, for her part, sat in contemplative and assessing silence, listening as Annalyn spilled the entirety of her heart.
"What is happening to me, Ninael? Do you know?"
The look on the soldier's face hinted at the seriousness of what she was about to say. "I believe I do."
"And?"
Ninael steepled her fingers, her gaze falling to the table when she said, "While pondering your turmoil, one possibility came to my mind. But I just as soon dismissed it, for I did not believe such a thing was possible. Until now."
The ensuing pause was nerve-racking. "What sort of thing?"
Blue eyes met hazel. "The pain and grief you feel. Your connection to Haldir," she went on. "It seems akin to what a bonded pair might feel when they are sundered by more than distance."
Annalyn's mouth worked. She stammered, "Bonded pair?"
Ninael gave a solemn nod. "When an established bond is denied, one's heart, one's very soul will feel it."
No sooner had her friend spoken than the blood drained from Annalyn's face, her pulse quickening in time with her breaths. "A bond… as in a… marriage bond?"
"Yes."
Annalyn gained her feet at once, and whispered, mostly to herself. "It cannot be." But the words went against what she was feeling, for her weeping soul recognized Ninael's words as truth, plain and clear. "It wasn't supposed… We never meant to…"
As the enormity of the implications slammed into her, Annalyn brought a hand to her mouth, then started pacing.
I've doomed him. I've doomed him to eternal grief and pain.
Her guilt was like bile in her throat, so strong she nearly choked on it.
"If it is as I suspect," Ninael added, gently. "If you continue to deny the bond, time will not assuage your torment."
But Annalyn was still reeling. "When I left the Golden Wood,"—when I lied to him—"my aim was to protect Haldir, to spare him from eternal pain. But with one careless dream, it was all for naught. His fate is sealed."
What have we done?
It was a strange dichotomy, being utterly devastated on the one hand, and being joyful on the other. Bonded, Annalyn marvelled despite her remorse. "He is my husband," she murmured to herself. I am his wife. What had been a selfish wish was now reality.
"Come back with me." Ninael severed her musings. "Ride with me to Lothlórien. It is your only chance at peace. For both you and Haldir."
Even with her lingering anguish, her battered heart soared at the thought of returning, of seeing him again. After dragging a hand down her face, Annalyn cast a look at her lonely surroundings. What would be the point of staying?
But then she remembered. The vow she had made time and time again. That when war reached them, she would not abandon her people.
Could she turn her back on such a promise?
Her inner conflict must have shown, for Ninael creased her brows, and said, "Annalyn?"
Thus she began in earnest, "Ever since I returned without my kin, this house has been but a shell, it is true." Annalyn sat back down. "It would be easy to pack my things and leave at once. To ride north. But Ninael, darkness approaches. I feel it in my bones. With Theodred's muster leaving at dawn, a small but insistent corner of my heart warns me that I should stay, at least for a time." Images of little Gytha and Galan flashed in her mind.
Annalyn continued, "The Elves of Lórien have their own labours and cares, I know. And soon, you and your brethren will have to stand in defense of your Naith. If you cannot tarry any longer, I will not hold it against you. But as much as I long for Lothlórien, as much as I yearn to see Haldir, I cannot follow you just yet. I cannot leave my people. Do you understand?"
"I do. But just like your heart warns you to remain hither, mine urges me to stay by your side. If you have no objection, I will remain a while."
"Thank you, my friend." But then, her thoughts shifting to her beloved, she voiced her distress. "Ah, if only I was able to dream of Haldir, to speak with him!" Annalyn needed to, so very badly.
Ninael shifted. "I have noted how little you have slept of late. It is why I left earlier this morning." With these words, she untied the pouch that was secured to her belt, then placed it on the table.
"What's this?"
"Are you familiar with dream root?"
Even with her knowledge of plants, Annalyn had never heard of dream root. She shook her head.
"The plant from which it is part is common in Rhovanion. I did not know if I would find it on the Horse Plains. It took quite a bit of searching, but I found a small patch about three leagues from here. Once the leaves are removed, you boil the roots. The tea not only induces sleep, it also opens the mind and enhances one's ability to dream. If it works as intended, Haldir might even sense your dream while he is awake. At any rate, it is worth a try."
With shaking hands, Annalyn retrieved the pouch from the table, closed her eyes, and bowed her head in heartfelt thanks.
Some time later, after she and Ninael had brewed the tea, Annalyn entered her room, and closed the door behind her. After doing the same with the shutters, she set her tea aside and didn't even bother with a sleeping gown. Clad in breeches and a tunic, she only removed her boots before sitting on the edge of her bed.
Hopefully, this plan would work.
Reaching for the tea once more, her eyes went to the drawing that was resting on her dresser. Wed. She and Haldir were wed.
It would explain what she had heard and sensed from him earlier in the day. The shame he had felt, the remorse. When he had asked for forgiveness, calling himself an ignorant fool, the reason had escaped her. Now she knew. They both did.
In the relative darkness of her room, Annalyn downed the cooling tea in large gulps. With her cup now drained, she placed it on the dresser and slid beneath the blankets.
Please, let this work quickly.
It began with a light, fuzzy feeling, as though her head wanted to join the clouds. Shortly thereafter, as her limbs turned slack, Annalyn sank further into her straw mattress. With drooping eyelids, she heaved a series of slow breaths until, little by little, sleep finally claimed her.
When she first started dreaming, Annalyn found herself in a large, formless expanse. In the beginning, it felt like she was floating, but then her bare feet touched solid ground. Though she, herself, was lit by some unseen source of light, her surroundings were mostly black, with hints of hazy green and blue.
And so she started walking, wandering the vast emptiness in search of something, anything.
"Haldir!" she called with an echoing voice. Hours seemed to pass. Again and again she cried his name, her feet carrying her in a walk without end. Then, when her hope had long since faded, a small silver light appeared in the distance.
Wait, there were three lights. No, five. Then several more kindled to life. Some were green, some were gold. Lamps, Annalyn realised, her walk quickening into a run.
Seconds went by. The formless ground morphed into a long, elegant bridge. Then mallyrn began to materialise! From swirling mist into crisp, majestic detail. Ah! Lothlórien! The land of blossoms dreaming. How fitting, she thought and continued her search.
Her feet slowed. She needed to catch her bearings. His home. That's where she figured he would be. Halting for a moment, Annalyn spun around and surveyed her surroundings. Oriented at last, she quickly made for Haldir's home tree. At the first glimpse of it, her heart nearly burst from her chest. She was so close! Unsurprisingly, the surrounding city was empty, even the beloved terrace down below.
Onward she ran, until she reached the spiral staircase. Up and up she went. "Haldir!"
"Annalyn!" His voice was distant but clear. It came not from the direction of his home, but rather from a neighbouring bridge. Glimpsing him from afar, his gait made it clear that he was frantically searching for her.
"Over here!" she yelled and waved her arms, tears burning her eyes.
Slightly below her, Haldir looked up and froze. Now they were both moving, hurrying to meet.
When they finally collided on the footbridge, their arms locking around the other, holding on for dear life, Annalyn loosed a whimpering cry. It was him. He was here. In her arms.
"Firiel…" Haldir's brow was already resting against hers, his rapid breaths gusting against her mouth. "Na mhedui!"
Their lips met immediately after that. It had been so long. In her anguish, Annalyn tasted him thoroughly. Slanting his mouth over hers, Haldir responded with equal measure, his hands mapping her back, her shoulders, the side of her neck.
As Annalyn swayed on her feet, her fingers clutching his tunic, he made a tormented sound before ending the kiss.
"Díheno nin," he breathed before switching to Westron. "Forgive me."
Saddened by the utter remorse in his tone, Annalyn placed her hands on either side of his head, not guiding but simply holding.
"I knew not… Forgive me," he kept on saying while shaking his head. "I never meant to cage you like this."
Needing to catch his gaze, Annalyn slid her palms over his hair, down each side of his neck. When they came to rest on his shoulders, she beseeched him in a voice pitched soft and low. "Please, love. Look at me."
At first, he only tightened his hold, his face nestled in the crook of her neck. But then, as her fretful heart threatened to crack in her chest, Haldir relinquished his desperate grip and finally did as she asked. When he looked to her, and their gazes finally locked, his eyes were filled with such guilt, such regret, she found it hard to breathe. But more than that, Annalyn perceived a fair amount of shame as well.
"There is nothing to forgive," she said. "Neither of us knew."
His gaze widened in surprise. "You know?"
Annalyn nodded once. "Ninael and I put the pieces together today. You did not cage me, Haldir. My selfish heart is yours, has been since the night I first kissed you. But while being your wife is something I have yearned for, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you, to sentence you to unending grief. It is why I left, why I lied to you that final night, saying I could never be happy in Lothlórien."
Her voice thick with misery, she went on to explain, "Those deceitful words were ash on my tongue; this you must know. But I could not bear the eternal pain you would feel when my time comes. Even so, it was all for naught, it seems. If anyone is in a cage, it is you." Annalyn broke with these words. In his arms, she wept.
"Nay. This cage you speak of… it does not exist. Not for me. For my soul was yours even before we unknowingly wed. If given the choice, I would rather live one fulfilling lifetime with you than forsake what we have built these past few months. My love for you knows no bounds, Firiel."
Watching him through flowing tears, Annalyn rose on her toes, and kissed his mouth. Contrary to earlier, there was peace in that kiss. It was remarkable. A sense of rightness had descended upon Annalyn, easing the torment that had plagued her for days and days.
"Come home," Haldir whispered when their kiss ended on a soft smack. "Please, come home."
Annalyn's heart seized. Her promise immediately came to mind. Would he understand? "Haldir, I—"
A series of loud knocks sounded, the repetitive intrusion dissolving the dream in one brief instant.
"Annalyn!" It was Ninael's voice. "Annalyn, you must awake!"
Confused and groggy, it took a moment to come back to herself. The urgent knocking continued. Rising on slightly shaky legs, Annalyn went to open the door.
"What is it?"
Ninael's features were grave. "Something is amiss outside."
By the time Annalyn and the Elf exited the house, the village was alive with anxious commotion. Evening had fallen. Dressed in their night clothes, people were exiting their homes, seemingly as confused as Annalyn was.
In the middle of the village, Theodred was gathering his muster. Some of his men were already on their horses, clad in battle gear. The rest could be seen fastening their armour plates or fetching their horses.
"Make haste!" Theodred called to them as he waited in the saddle.
Spotting Edmund in the throng of alarmed bystanders, Annalyn hurried over to him. "What is happening?"
"Scouts arrived with a report that a great host is massing in Isengard. Half-orcs armed with axes, Orcish Wolf-riders, and horsemen from Dunland. Their eyes are fixed on Rohan."
Annalyn blanched at the news. This is it. This is how it begins.
Clad in his beautifully accented armour, Theodred spoke loud enough for his men to hear. "Now is the hour! We must gather men from the levies of Westfold, so we can overthrow Saruman's army before it is fully prepared."
As his horse pranced beneath his frame, the prince addressed the villagers. "The village must empty! Make for the fortress of Helm's Deep! Able-bodied men are welcome to join the muster, but some must remain with the women and children, to guard them during the march. A few of my soldiers will remain also." Theodred drew rein, and his horse pivoted. His voice rang out. "Make your choices! The Éored will leave posthaste! The villagers leave at dawn!"
Her heart in her throat, Annalyn glanced at Gytha and Galan, who were standing in front of their mother and father. Two choices lay before her—to go with the muster or remain with the villagers. While both were noble, one called to her more than the other.
After the soldiers had said their goodbyes, the muster was in readiness.
Her decision already made, Annalyn exchanged a look with Ninael. The Elf must have guessed her thoughts, for she nodded in agreement.
Helm's Deep it was.
"We make for Grimslade!" Theodred called, pointing his sword toward the ancestral home. "Forth now, for kith and kin!"
As he and his men left at a thundering gallop, the anxious villagers looked on. With a fretful heart, Annalyn could only wonder how many of those men would return home.
*Na mhedui! – "At last!"
*Díheno nin – "Forgive me."
Thanks for reading! Reviews are writing fuel. For those who are wondering, the next part should be in Haldir POV.
Until next time!
