When the news of Severus being named Headmaster of Hogwarts appeared in The Prophet, Susan reacted exactly as I expected she would. She immediately withdrew her blessing for the kids to go back to school. Attendance at the school was made mandatory so she and Henry quickly came up with an incurable affliction that the children were suffering from. Thomas waged war and still in the third week of September would not speak directly to his mother. I was relieved that I didn't have to tell her not to send them back myself after the warnings given by Severus. It would have been a task explaining what made me change my mind.
I continued using work as a distraction to pass the time between meetings with Severus. There was no shortage of work to be done and it made the wait to see him more bearable. The Carrows were thrilled with the news that they would be able to use any nonlethal spells they wanted on students as teaching tools. I was still angry with Severus for allowing that to happen, but it was difficult to be cross with someone who didn't agree with their own actions. He had stopped including me in strategic decisions because I was getting too upset with him. Most of our meetings now consisted of sitting in silence and Severus asking questions about my work. I still looked forward to sitting with him once a week.
I returned home after a rather long day to find a letter on my kitchen counter next to a rather large splat of owl droppings. I let out a sound of disgust followed by a sigh. I wet a tea towel and cleaned up the mess. I threw the tainted towel in the wash pile and turned my attention to the letter. My heart stopped when I saw the notation on the front of the envelope.
Ministry of Magic
Muggle-Born Registration Committee
I dropped the letter back onto the counter, my hands shaking. My heart was pounding erratically in my throat. I had heard that people were receiving summons to the ministry to appear at a trial where they were meant to defend their possession of magic. The trials were a sham and there was no way to win. Once you were found guilty of stealing your own magic you were sentenced to Azkaban. I couldn't breathe. How was I going to explain myself? I hadn't noticed I was crying until one of my tears splashed on the envelope, smudging the word 'magic'.
I took a deep, painful breath. My chest was constricted with anxiety. I willed myself to calm down. I didn't know for sure what was inside. My stomach churned, I couldn't convince myself that I didn't know what was waiting when I opened the envelope. I took another calming breath and ripped open the envelope.
Miss Ruby Winston,
You are being summoned by the Ministry of Magic to complete registration. Report to the Ministry on Wednesday, October 1st at 10 A.M. Bring with you your wand (which will be subject to inspection) and a complete family history including the blood statuses of all relatives. Based on findings during the registration process, you may be subject to stand trial.
Delores Jane Umbridge
Head of the Muggle-Born Registration Committee
My hands were shaking so badly that I could hardly read the words in the letter. My heartbeat no longer felt like a beat but more like a hum with its shallow rapidity. I realised I was no longer breathing and drew in a deep, surprisingly painful breath. My mind was going in a thousand different directions all at once. No thought running through was completed before another took its place. One thought punctured itself in between the others; I was going to be sent to Azkaban. My knees gave out and I found myself on the kitchen floor. Tears forced their way to the surface and violent sobs shook my body.
My attempt to compose myself enough that I could apparate was in vain. My hands were shaking too much to hold my wand steady and I certainly didn't have the level of concentration I needed. On the other hand, I couldn't go to Azkaban if I died from splinching. I breathed a defeated sigh and put my wand down on the counter. I picked up the phone and dialled Susan's number.
"Hello?" Susan's voice answered.
I had plans to calmly explain my predicament, however, once I heard Susan's voice, the thread holding myself together snapped and what escaped my mouth was a guttural sob. A click signalled the end of the call followed immediately by a crack in the kitchen.
"Ruby?" I heard Susan's frantic voice call. She found me still by the phone, the receiver still gripped in my hand. "What's wrong?" I still couldn't bring myself to actually speak. I held the letter out to her. She snatched it from me and I watched her eyes flick over the words. Her gasp pulled me from the dismal thoughts that had already started forming in my mind. "This is ridiculous. They can't do this. Not to you."
"I'm a muggle-born. My existence is a slap in the face to their entire mission. I'm sure the fact that I am a head at St. Mungo's makes me all the more of a target." I said tonelessly.
"We can get you out of the country." Susan suggested. "I've heard of people fleeing rather than stand a trial rigged against them. I have a cousin in Iowa in the states, you could stay with her. I'll give her a call." She reached for the phone still clutched in my hand. I pulled it from her grasp.
"No." I said, holding the phone to my chest. "I'm not going to run. I refuse. I won't give them the satisfaction. I can figure something out." I paused as I tried to force my mind to come up with a solution. "Maybe he can help me."
"Maybe who can help you?" Susan asked, taking the phone from my hand and hanging it up.
My heart leapt into my throat and gave a hard thump. For a moment I considered telling Susan about Severus. I looked at her, her face full of concern, and decided against it. She would never listen to anything I had to say beyond that I was spending weekly time with a murderer. "I don't know."
"Oh, Ruby." Susan sighed as she wrapped her arms around me. "Henry and I will do everything we can to help. Are you sure you don't want to go to Iowa?"
"I've never been more certain of anything in my life." I said with a shake of my head. "I'm not leaving."
"If you change your mind…" she continued.
"I won't." I interrupted.
We stood in silence as Susan's eyes were locked on me, searching for any signs of breakage. My brain was working as hard as it could, running through scenarios and options. No matter how hard I tried to come up with a solution the fact remained that they wouldn't find any evidence of magical heritage. I'd be put to trial for stealing magic and sent to Azkaban after an unfair trial. I'd be trapped with dementors. I shivered at the thought of them. As tough as I wanted to believe I was, I wasn't sure I could survive long in the wizard prison.
The next couple days passed in a whirr of work and going to Susan's where she and Henry both believed if you throw out every thought you have a usable solution will be found; it wasn't. I had completely given up any hope of victory. The most I could do was prepare myself to act reasonably when they handed down my sentence. I didn't want them to gain vindication from my tears. I would remain stoic, stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on, all the British things.
Laura entered the kitchen and opened the freezer. "Where is the ice cream?"
Susan snapped around to look at her daughter. "Ice cream?" She looked down at her wrist. "You should have been in bed over an hour ago. What are you doing up?"
"Mum," Laura whined, "It's Friday and S–"
"It's Friday?" I shrieked, jumping up from the table. I checked my watch and it was well past the start of my meeting time. My heart jumped. He was probably already gone and I needed to talk with him. "I have to go!"
"What about your pla–" Susan started.
"No time!" I shouted involuntarily. "I ha…ugh, wasted time!" I lifted my wand and disapparated from Susan's home. I landed in my own kitchen and grabbed my summons letter from my counter. I lifted my wand again and felt my feet hit the creaky floor of the Shrieking Shack. My surroundings were completely dark. My eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight enough that I could confirm that Severus was nowhere around. I berated myself for losing track of days and time. Defeated, I flung myself on the chair Severus usually occupied during our meetings. I crumpled the letter as I balled my hands into fists and pressed them to my temples in frustration.
"Don't ever do that again!" I heard a deep voice whisper shout. A bright light entered through the passage with Severus as he lifted his lit wand over his head. "I thought something bad happened to you!" I threw the wadded up letter at him as he pulled himself the rest of the way through the hatch. It landed near his feet and rolled a small distance. "What's this?"
"Something bad happened." I refused to look at him as I heard him pick up and unfold the letter. I couldn't look at him. If he showed any kind of emotion I would completely lose whatever composure I was able to hold on to.
I heard him take a deep inhale of breath. That's all it took. My restraints snapped and the sobs forced their way to the surface. I felt his hands take mine and lift me from the chair. He enveloped me in his arms, holding me tight. His hand moved rhythmically up and down my back. "We'll figure this out."
"How?" I asked, sounding a lot whinier than I had intended. "Susan and I have been trying to figure something out for days."
A small laugh came from his throat. "You're probably not thinking clearly since it's your existence on the line and…no offence, I know you love Susan but, she's never been the brainiest Ravenclaw." I felt his lips press against my shoulder. "Besides, I would never let anything happen to you."
I pushed him away, anger, confusion, frustration coursing through me. "What is it–, why are you–, What do y–" I couldn't complete a single complete thought and resigned to letting out a frustrated shriek. He looked at me with surprise and confusion. I paced in front of him for several strides. "What are we doing? What are you doing? You said you want a friend and then you do and say things like that and it doesn't feel like just friends. Severus, I'm in love with you and I feel like you aren't allowing yourself to be in love with me AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY!"
His dark eyes were wide with shock. He opened his mouth to reply but no sound came out. He closed his mouth and regarded me before trying again. His voice was low and soft as he said, "I don't want to hurt you."
A scoff escaped my throat. "What absolute fucking bullshit. You're convinced you're going to die and I'm convinced that I am going to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban. If either one of us is right, then why can't we use the time we have? Why does it have to be forever or never? If I'm never going to see you again after the next week and a half, then what does it matter?"
He took a step closer to me. I could feel the pull willing me closer to him. He took another step towards me until the space between us was almost gone. He leaned in, electric pinpoints danced over my skin in anticipation of his touch. His lips gently brushed my jaw near my ear, it took every ounce of restraint I had to remain still. "I would never allow that to happen." he whispered. His arms wrapped gently around my waist. I threw my arms around his neck and clung to him as though my life depended on it.
"They're going to accuse me of stealing magic." I cried. "There is nothing we can do."
There was a moment of silence where Severus just held me. It felt nice to be back in his arms. "You're right."
Confusion crashed into me. "What?" He usually never allowed me to act like this
"There is nothing we can do, because I've already done everything." Severus said, pulling away and looking at my face. My look of confusion prompted him to continue. "Your grandfather was a Gryffindor."
"No he wasn't." I said stitching my brows together. "He was a World War II veteran."
"I said he was a Gryffindor, he needed the house's stereotypical bravery to do what he did." Severus continued. "Philip Ledbury disappeared from all wizarding records. He apparently became a soldier in the war, married a muggle woman, and had two non-magical children."
"Is that normal?" I asked. "The non-magical children part?" I still wasn't sure if he was being serious or trying to bring me a sense of security I didn't deserve.
He shook his head. "Not normal, no, but certainly not unheard of. Your magic isn't stolen, it just skipped a generation."
"How," I stumbled over my words, "How could you know any of this? Did you already know about my trial?"
He shook his head. "I knew about the trials as soon as it was decided that they would happen. I wanted," He paused and cupped my cheek with his hand. "I wanted to make sure that you were safe. I started researching before I knew…that you didn't hate me. My plan was to get these findings to you from an anonymous source, but then you found me. Being absolutely reckless, stupid, and perfect, like you always are. I decided that I would only share my findings with you when necessary."
I looked into his dark eyes, embers glowing happily in my gut. "I love you." I whispered.
He leaned into my ear. "I love you." He whispered before pulling back. "And I'm sorry if you ever question if that is true. Just know that being in love with you is a constant state of being for me."
The embers in my stomach warmed my heart and I felt pure happiness. How could he fill me with such unadulterated, incandescent love? I thought this type of feeling was something you only felt when you were a teenager before life and everything connected to it became a complicated mess of second guesses and questioning intentions. He was still staring at me and I felt as though I might explode from the feelings that man filled me with; joy, excitement, love, fear. The fear was constant. The fear that none of this was real, that he would disappear, that I would lose him. He was standing in front of me, holding onto me and yet I already missed him.
"I want to show you something." I said.
"What's that?" Severus asked.
I held out my hand in response, which he took without question. I raised my wand and held tight to his hand. We both disappeared with a pop and landed with a thud in my living room.
"Where are we?" Severus asked, surveying his surroundings?
"My flat." I said proudly.
"You're a Healer at St. Mungo's and you have a," he took another look around, "one bedroom."
"In London." I added defensively.
"You could do better." he said, shaking his head.
I scoffed. "Are you chastising my flat?"
He regarded me with a smirk. I took a moment to appreciate how out of place he looked; this dark, extraordinary man in my light, average London flat. "Do you always leave the lights on?" he asked.
His question made me smile. "I'm exceedingly wasteful." I joked. "I was in a rush to leave and didn't think about it. I had been over at Susan's, I forgot it was Friday until her daughter said something. I apparated back here, grabbed my letter, and apparated to our meeting spot." I wasn't sure if he heard any of my explanation because he was wandering around looking at my decor.
He came to a stop in front of one of my bookshelves. "You still have it." he said so softly I almost didn't hear it. He reached his hand and gently slid a finger over the dome of the unicorn snow globe. "What was it you named it? Oscar?"
"Oliver," I corrected, "Which is odd now because that is the name of one of Susan's brother-in-laws. Very intense Quidditch player."
Severus nodded his head. "I remember Oliver Wood. I also remember Henry. So Susan married him?"
"They have three children all at Hogwarts." I said.
He stopped and squinted his eyes as though trying to see something far away. "Thomas, Sam, and Laura are Susan's?"
"You know them?" I asked, before realising how stupid that question was.
"Thomas looks so much like Henry that the first time I saw him a part of me panicked that you and Susan were around close by. Sam and Laura were inseparable. Constant giggling was annoying when I was trying to teach a lesson." He turned to me. "Why did you never get married and have children?" The question caught me off guard and made my stomach clench in an odd way. "I think you would have been a good mother." The realisation of what he was saying must have occurred to him, his cheeks blushed and he turned his attention back to the snow hung in the air between us while I tried to think of how or if I should answer that question. "Is there a reason we are here?" he asked, saving me from answering the previous question.
I shrugged. "The dirty old shack was wearing on me. I wanted to see you in something other than moonlight or wandlight. Besides, come to think of it, we've never spent time together in a space that's mine. We've always been in your office or whatever space we felt was private and where we wouldn't be disturbed."
A smile stretched his lips. "Could you imagine Susan and the other girls had we spent time in your dormitory together? The scandal."
I couldn't help but laugh at the image in my head. "I'm not saying that we didn't have our reasons, I just wanted to show you my flat." I watched him studying the books on the shelf near the snow globe. I watched as his eyes flicked over the titles. A strong urge to kiss him came over me. I shook my head. "Do you want a cup of tea?" He nodded without looking at me. I turned into the kitchen to put the kettle on.
I pulled two mugs from the cabinet and grabbed some spiced orange tea Sean sent me from his travels. I turned back and noticed one of the mugs was from Charlie's company. I picked it up and put it back in the cupboard trading it for another. Charlie still had yet to collect his things. I put the mug back on the counter so that when he did come he would see it and take it. I stared at the mug, shrugging my shoulders, I picked it back up and threw it in the bin. I looked up to find Severus standing in the doorway.
"Troublesome mug?" he asked, arms folded over his chest.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, my heart racing from the startle he gave me.
"Long enough to watch you move that cup three times before throwing it away." he smiled. "Do you two have a chequered past?"
"Sort of." I nodded my head as I poured hot water in the two chosen mugs. "I told him I was done with that life. I have a wife and kids now." Severus stared at me with a confused look. "That joke would be funnier if you were familiar with American crime movies. Sugar?"
He shook his head and grabbed one of the mugs. We walked back into the living room and sat on the sofa. He took a sip of his tea and looked around again. "You have such a normal life." he mused. "It might be ruined if you choose to invite me in."
"You have no idea what I would be willing to give up to have you in my life." I replied without any consideration.
