Weeks had passed since the first Order of the Phoenix meeting I attended. November was already coming to a close and not much was happening. I had gone to more meetings but they were mostly theoretical plans. There were as of yet no actual action plans that I could participate in. Most of what was being done was the radio show and sharing information. I wasn't very good at collecting information since I wasn't going to share whatever details Severus was willing to share with me. The Order did a pretty good job without me betraying Severus' trust.
I was in the middle of trying to sort out a rather nasty reaction to a counterfeit potion when Mathilda Rathbone approached me.
"Miss Winston," she greeted, "Would you perhaps have a moment where we could talk?"
"Oh," I said, caught off guard. I didn't think I had done anything that necessitated a talk. "Of course. Felix, could you continue with this for me? I shouldn't be too long." I looked over to Mathilda for confirmation of what I had just told Felix. She shook her and motioned for me to follow her to a distant corner.
"I have just received a letter involving you." she said quietly. My heart began pounding in anticipation of what the letter contained. "It was a request from Hogwarts for you to take the place of Madam Pomfrey for an unspecified length of time."
"Hogwarts?" I said with genuine surprise. Severus hadn't said anything about Madam Pomfrey being unable to do her job or requesting a sabbatical.
"I know," she said sympathetically. "Given the state of things over there I would not feel bad replying to Headmaster Snape that we could not possibly part with you. However, if you would like to go, I could take your place temporarily. It was mentioned that when you were there last you were 'competent enough'. High praise I'm sure." I shook my head in disbelief. "If you do decide to go, it has been requested that you start immediately."
"Immediately?" I asked and was met with a nod. Had something happened to Madam Pomfrey, was she alright? If I didn't take the spot, who would? Would Severus' hand be forced into allowing someone of Voldemort's choosing to take over the position? What would that mean for the students?
"You would report to the school tomorrow morning." Mathilda answered.
There was no time to consider any other answer. "I'll do it."
"Why would you do that?" Susan demanded during dinner when I told her the news.
"If I didn't, who would?" I asked.
"It sounds like that's not our problem." she spat. "Remember what happened last time you went there? You almost fell for him again."
"I suppose I could send an owl saying I changed my mind." I considered to a nod of agreement from Susan. "They'll probably just have some Death Eater take the role. I hear Bellatrix Lestrange is very maternal. She'll be very loving and gentle with the students."
Susan's eyes went wide. "As I said before, you're a natural choice and I think you made the right decision." She took a bite of the battered cod Henry picked up from the chippy. "I'll send you an owl everyday reminding you that Snape is a murderer, lest he try to win back your affections."
"Please don't." I said, taking a bite of a chip. "I'll be far too busy if students really are being used to practise the Cruciatus Curse, I fully expect to be loaded down with injured children. I'll send you owls when I can to let you know that your three are alright and if I have had to resist any advances, I won't, but I'll still let you know." I technically wouldn't even be lying when I told her I didn't have anything to resist. Mostly because I was sure that Severus wouldn't have much time for me, he had an image to uphold and consorting with the temporary school nurse wouldn't be consistent with that. I was still worried about what had happened to Madam Pomfrey.
"Oh!" Susan exclaimed excitedly. "I think I've figured out who your secret love and lifesaver is."
She certainly hadn't. "Who?" I set my chin on my fist as I waited for her answer.
A smug grin smeared across her face. "He works at St. Mungo's!"
"No." I said without missing a beat and the confident look disappeared.
"Damn!" she cursed. "I thought I figured it out."
"Who did you think it was?" I wondered.
"I don't want to say." Susan responded shyly.
"Tell me!" I demanded.
"No!" she shouted. "It's embarrassing now!"
"WHO!?" I seized her by the arm and started shaking her.
"Okay!" she said, pulling back control of her own arm. "Hippocrates Smethwyck."
I couldn't help myself from laughing. "He's married!"
"Well, how am I supposed to know that?" she asked. She let out a sigh of disappointment. "I'm going to figure it out. Are you sure he doesn't work at St. Mungo's?"
"I'm sure." I assured her. "I think I know the identity of my love and he definitely does not work with me."
"That ass Severus Snape." Henry said from behind his newspaper.
My head snapped in his direction, my blood was like ice, my face was on fire. "What?" Susan and I said in unison.
"This article is talking about how he closed the secret passages and sealed them with curses and put Dementors and Death Eaters at the ends. Just like what the kids said when they wrote to us." he said, flipping to the next page.
My blood slowed but my face remained hot. I was immensely relieved that Henry hadn't given me away. "Oh, yeah."
"Give him a hard time and keep the students safe while you're there, Ruby." he said, not pulling his eyes from the article he was reading. "Be safe though, I doubt he would have any qualms about killing you after what he did to Dumbledore."
"Right," I said, letting the conversation drift off and took another bite of my fish.
Early the next morning I apparated into a frigid Hogsmeade. I held onto my small carpet bag full of clothes, vials, and personal items I thought I might need during my undetermined stay. I listened to my footsteps crunch on the frozen ground as I walked to the castle. There was no one around, I was torn between enjoying the quiet and finding it off putting. The only time I had seen Hogsmeade this vacant, I ran into Death Eaters. I considered that might not be unlikely, so I sped up my walking.
I walked through the gates to the school. The castle loomed over the sleeping, frosted grounds. It seemed more intimidating and felt less like home than when I had last been there. This place felt foreign to me. I continued up the path to the double doors, my heart racing in my chest and my mouth dry.
A man in a black cloak stepped out of the castle, leaving the door slightly ajar. "Stop right there." he ordered. "What's your business?" I reached into my pocket and withdrew the letter requesting my services that Mathilda had given me after I accepted the job. I held it out to the man who snatched it from my fingers. His eyes flitted across the words before he refolded the paper and placed it within his own pocket. "Hospital wing, eh? I didn't know healers could be so pretty."
The way he looked at me made my stomach churn. "May I enter now? I have things to set up." I took several steps forward in an attempt to pass him and pass the threshold into the school but he caught me by the arm.
"Not so fast." he said, his grip tightening. "As Deputy Headmaster, it's my duty to make sure that certain contraband isn't allowed into the school." He ripped my carpet bag from my hand and started digging through my belongings. He pulled out a vial and without looking at it threw it into the air, it fell to the earth and shattered on one of the steps.
"Stop that!" I yelled as I reached for my bag.
He slapped my hand away. "Got something you shouldn't, don't you?" He dug his hand back into my bag pulling out several more vials and threw them onto the ground with the first. He pulled out a book and threw it where it landed in shards of glass and spilled potions. His hand came up again, grasping my unicorn snow globe. He paused momentarily watching the unicorn gallup around his enclosure.
"Put it back." I warned.
He lifted his hand holding the snow glove above his head. He flashed a cruel grin.
"I'll take that, Amycus." a deep voice droned. Severus appeared in the open door, taking the trinket from the Death Eater's grasp. "We mustn't take what isn't ours." He took my bag from Amycus and placed the globe back inside. He held the bag out to me. "Hospital Wing, now." he barked. His tone surprised me and I grabbed my things and fled into the school.
"I was just having a bit of fun." Amycus' voice said before it faded as I closed the door.
I entered the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was nowhere to be found. Last time she had given me some kind of rundown but her absence struck me as odd. I hoped Severus would come talk to me so that I could ask if she was alright.
I wandered into the room to the side that housed the room I could use as my own. I unpacked my robes and hung them in the wardrobe. I unpacked what I had left of my vials and brought them into the supply closet. I knew they would already be well stocked but I felt like I should bring something. I pulled out the snow globe and placed it gently on the table next to the bed.
"Getting settled in, I see." I spun around to see Severus leaning in the doorway of my room. His arms were crossed and his expression was stern. I wondered if we were being watched.
"What am I doing here?" I asked. "Where is Madam Pomfrey?"
He looked out into the hospital room before stepping all the way into my room and shutting the door. It felt oddly intimate to be in a room alone with Severus that contained a bed. "She's exhausted. She would never admit it, but she is. She's been busy with students and their injuries since the beginning of school and a woman of her age, no matter how tough she may be, can't handle that kind of constant work. I sent her away to rest."
I couldn't help but smile at his reasoning. "You were worried she was overexerting herself so you gave her time off. Why can't you just let everyone know that you're a big softy capable of empathy."
"I have–" he began.
"I know, I know," I interrupted. "An image to maintain."
"You're the only one that can know." He turned and opened the door, surveying the hospital which was apparently still empty. "Thank you for coming." He ran his finger across the top of my snowglobe.
"I don't like him." I said, thinking of my first greeting.
"Who?" Severus asked, shifting his attention to me.
"Amycus." I said. "He makes my stomach churn."
"I'm shocked!" he said, overly dramatic. "I thought you two would be fast friends. Don't worry. I'll try to make sure he stays away from the hospital wing." His eyes held me for a moment. I could tell he wanted to touch me, kiss me. Instead he balled his hands into rigid fists. "Have a good first day, I have to make rounds."
I wanted to kiss him too. Instead I held onto the locket hidden beneath my robes. "Thank you."
He turned and in a whirling of robes he was gone. I took in my surroundings, reminiscing about the last time I was in this room. Everything had been so different. I had still been in love with Severus, convinced that he hated me. I was still learning how to be a healer. I remembered the nervous anticipation of that first day and the fear of complete failure.
"Have you eaten?" Severus popped back into the room, pulling me from my thoughts. I had to think about it before shaking my head. "You should go get some breakfast in the Great Hall."
"I'm really not hungry." I said, picking absentmindedly at a hangnail on my thumb.
He noticed my hands. His head tilted slightly and he pressed his lips together in amusement. "You're not actually nervous, are you?"
I hesitated. "I know it's stupid, but I am."
"Why? Your skills are far advanced for what this job necessitates."
"I have a very particular set of skills that I have…honed in my years as head of the Third Floor." I considered. "I'm also used to having a team to work with and I know the order of process like the back of my hand. But here, I'm alone, injuries are going to be varied, and my patients are all children. I feel out of my element."
"You shouldn't feel that way." he said, his eyes focused on me in such a way that I began to blush. His face lit with a smile. "The only reason I was able to get Madam Pomfrey to go was by leaving the letter in which I was requesting your particular services where I knew she would stumble across it. After she saw that, she agreed to go. She has confidence in you, you should have confidence in yourself as well." He smiled at me and I smiled back in return. "Go get some breakfast."
He spun on his heel, leaving me alone again. I waited a moment or two before I left the hospital wing for the Great Hall. I was immediately struck by how sombre the dining hall felt. Students usually carried on with loud, zealous conversation that culminated into a riotous din. Cutlery on plates was the most prominent sound. A few outbursts of laughter came from the Slytherin table. I should have known they would be the only group to find enjoyment in circumstances such as these. I looked to the staff table where the professors normally took part in quiet, friendly conversation. Their attitudes reflected those of most of the students, eyes down, staring at their plates. I noticed the unpleasant man from my arrival speaking with a woman sitting to his right. I assumed based on their similar features that it must be his sister. Severus sat in the middle glaring out at the students. I had forgotten how strange it was to see him one way and then watch as he projected himself to everyone else in such a different manner.
I slid myself into a chair at the end of the table to draw as little attention as possible. A few students noticed and looked at me with curious expressions on their faces. I grabbed a piece of toast and began smearing it with butter and jam. My stomach felt like a stormy sea and food wasn't at all appealing. I made a quick glance down the table at Severus. He was still watching the students with his full attention.
"Miss Winston?" a voice whispered at my side. I looked over and found Professor McGonagall, I hadn't realised I had sat next to her.
"Professor." I whispered back. "It's good to see you."
"I see he finally ousted Poppy." she said cooly, glancing down the table. "He's been after her for weeks. I've half a mind to…" She trailed off and brought her attention back to me. "Not that it's not lovely to see you. I'm sure you don't know anything about the events leading to your being here. I'd say welcome, but I don't suppose many people feel very welcome here anymore. Good luck might be more appropriate."
I found myself extremely curious what McGonagall thought the reason behind Madam Pomfrey's dismissal was. "What happened?" I asked.
"That scum of a man," I knew who she meant. "A few weeks ago he started trying to get her to take time off. I don't know what he was playing at, probably part of a plan to strip the students of the few allies they still have. Poppy has been working around the clock for these students with the number of injuries up due to his ruthless cronies. I suppose we will all be forced out one by one. I, for one, won't be going. I do have to say that I am surprised to see you here. I assumed if he was able to get rid of Poppy that he would replace her with someone of his own choosing. That is to say, another Death Eater."
"He sent a letter to St. Mungo's requesting my services for an unspecified amount of time." I said. "I was surprised as well. I covered for Madam Pomfrey years ago. I suppose I thought my being here would be under similar circumstances, but apparently not."
"Don't take this the wrong way," McGonagall looked at me with her tired eyes. "I remember when you covered for Poppy the last time but it's odd that he would have chosen you in particular. I'd always gotten the impression that he really didn't like you. I'd exercise extra caution if I was you, he's up to something, probably nothing good."
I accepted her warning and nodded my head. An icy knife cut through me, his old friends were really turning against him. Not that I blamed them considering what they were led to believe was the truth about him. Something about McGonagall speaking about him with such acid hit me hard. She was always a stern professor, prone to exasperation, but had always been very reasonable and wasn't one to inconsequentially draw conclusions.
I excused myself. I assumed the professor thought my exit was due to her warning. I found myself overwhelmed at the understanding that I truly was the only person Severus had in this entire world. His life was a tangled string of lies, so many lies, I had to wonder how he was able to keep them all straight. I turned for a moment at the doors, surveying the space and its inhabitants. Severus was watching me, his face gave no indication that he felt any particular way about me. I felt prickles down the back of my neck. My eyes caught a movement to Severus' right. Amycus sat, his eyes locked on me. A foul smile appeared when he noticed I was looking back. His stare made my skin crawl. I took one last imperceivable look at Severus before exiting the Great Hall. I wondered when or if I'd get another moment alone with him.
The day flew by in a whir of treating a number of injuries. Most of them inflicted at the hands of the Carrows, though some of them were from Slytherins. Not even Slytherins practising on students in detention, they were just walking in the halls. It seemed that the new regime gave them the confidence to do what they always seemed poised to do. I was almost sure that in the steady stream of students, not one of the injured had been a Slytherin.
I was exhausted by the end of the first day and I was impressed more than ever with Madam Pomfrey. Once classes ended and I had a moment that wasn't filled with distraction, I realised how hungry I was. I tidied up from the day and made my way to the Great Hall.
Dinner was the same as breakfast had been, unnaturally quiet. After the day I had, I noticed how many of the students had bandages, cuts, gashes, welts, so many of them displayed injuries. It made me a mixture of sad and angry. Sad because I knew this wasn't what Severus wanted for them but angry because if he really wanted to he could stop it and sad again because if he did stop it, everything would be ruined.
"How was your first day?" McGonagall asked.
"I certainly appreciate what a determined, strong woman Madam Pomfrey is." I said." I'm exhausted. I'm starving but I'm too tired to eat."
McGonagall let out something like a laugh, but there was nothing of it on her face. She regarded me for a moment, she looked almost as if she pitied me. "I don't think it will get easier. Eat."
I choked down a rather delicious Shepherd's Pie. It sat like a rock in my stomach and snatched me of what little energy I had. I left, grateful that I had started during a partial week and tomorrow was Friday. I very quickly remembered that I was at a boarding school and that just because classes took a break over the weekend didn't mean that I could. This realisation made walking back to the Hospital Wing that much more of a chore. I was in for a non-stop…undetermined period of time.
All I wanted was to be able to curl up in my bed and fall asleep but there was still a matter of study hours and I'm sure there would be a detention served after dinner. I prepared bandages, potions, dittany, and anything else I thought I would need close at hand. I sat at my desk, waiting for students. The hours melted by slowly. I used the time to write to Susan about how strange the school was now. I was struck by how odd it was that I hadn't seen any of Susan's children. I was relieved that they hadn't been injured, but they also hadn't come to say hello. Perhaps they would get in trouble or, at least, thought they would. Maybe they were in their common room writing to Susan about how strange it was that I didn't say hello to them.
Dinner still sat heavy in my belly and the heat from the fireplace cradled me while the cracking lulled me into a drowsy stupor. My eyelids were beginning to close and I was brought back to consciousness by the feeling of my head slipping from my hand. I shook my head and continued my letter.
I was awakened by someone shaking my shoulder. When my eyes finally opened and focused I could see that it was Severus. I started and hopped up from my seat.
"I didn't realise I had," I cut myself off midway through my sentence, "Did I miss any students?"
"It's alright." he said softly. "No, you didn't miss anyone."
"But detention." I argued. "I assumed there would be injuries from that."
He shook his head. "There wasn't detention tonight. I cancelled it. I was going to ask how your first day was but I think I can tell."
"I can't believe I fell asleep." I groaned, rubbing my face. "How unprofessional."
A smirk pulled at his mouth, he walked over to the supply room. I watched him as he grabbed a clean cloth and wetted it in the sink. He returned to me, stopping so closely to me that I could feel the warmth of him. He lifted his hand slowly and brought the cloth to my face. His eyes held mine as he gently caressed my cheek. He moved the cloth to my brow, slowly wiping the fabric across my skin. He pulled his hand away, a dark stain on the once white towel. I looked down and noticed a smudge down the middle of the letter I had been writing. I could feel my cheeks blush and I'd hardly had time to register my embarrassment before Severus took my face in his hands and pressed his lips eagerly to mine. I let out a surprised gasp before melting into his touch. His mouth danced over mine and he began leading me off to the side room. His hands travelled from my face to my waist as he steered me through the doorway. He closed the door with his foot before he spun me around, pressing my back against it. His lips slid down to my neck, sending shivers through my body. "I love that you're here." he breathed against my delicate flesh.
"Was this your plan the entire time?" I whispered, followed by a soft laugh.
He pulled his head back. His hands pressed against the door at my shoulders, a half smile quirked his lips. "Merely a wonderful bonus."
I lifted my hands to his face and pulled him in for another kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck pressing myself harder against him. His hands flowed over my body, coming to rest at my hips. "Won't we be caught?" I whispered against his lips as the fear entered my mind.
"Do you think I would be so careless?" he questioned, pulling back. "It's incredibly late and I'm just doing rounds to make sure everything is secure." His grip on me tightened with the last word, sending a flurry of butterflies through my entire body. "I wanted to kiss you as soon as you arrived, it's been so long since I've seen you in the daylight and, God, you're beautiful. You've no idea how hard I had to restrain myself from touching you this morning."
"You've no idea how hard I had to restrain myself from breaking Amycus' hand." I said.
He smiled. "I'd have pretended not to have seen a thing." He curled one of his fingers in my hair absentmindedly before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. "So tomorrow night, our normal spot, here, or somewhere better?"
"Where is somewhere better?" I asked curiously.
"You'll have to find out." he said, his tone teasing.
I pressed my lips softly to his jaw. "I can't wait." I whispered with a smile.
