6/29 – Wednesday
After School
Shujin Academy, Maruki's Office

Maruki took a long sip of apple juice as he thought. "How long do you have?" he finally said.

Ren counted it out on his fingers. "Uh, four days?"

Maruki whistled. "Well," he started, slowly, "no matter what happens, I'm proud of you for even committing to this. Telling someone how you feel about them can be terrifying, and most people aren't able to even consider doing so." He smiled softly. "If you need to back out because you're not ready, I know no one would be upset with you."

"I'd be upset with me," Ren said.

"I understand." He took another sip. "You won't lose your friend," he said, slowly. "I think I can say that with confidence. From everything you've told me about him, and everything I know about you, the absolute worst thing that happens as a result of this is that you just stay friends."

Ren paused. It was hard to accept that, his anxious mind was already whirring with cataclysmic possibilities, but he tried to believe that was true. He trusted Ryuji. Fuck, he loved him. "It'll still hurt," he admitted, "if that happens. I'm scared of that."

"Love is rarely painless," Maruki agreed. "But that doesn't mean it isn't worth the pain." Something about his voice made Ren think he was speaking from personal experience. "And, if it does end up going badly, or hurting more than you can handle, I'll be here. You can stop by anytime remember, even on days we don't have meetings. And I'll write you up a note if you just need a day to decompress."

Ren nodded, slowly. He didn't much like the idea, still felt far more inconvenient of him than he'd prefer, but it was good to know the option was there. "Uh," he said, "would I be able to call you if, like, I just can't get out of bed?"

Maruki nodded. "Of course. I'd write you a note then too. Whatever you need, Ren."

"Thank you," he said. And he took a long, deep breath. "I'll do my best."


6/29 – Wednesday
After School
Aoyama-Itchome

"You didn't have to wait for me," Ren said. Most of the students had already left for the day, only a few stragglers remaining around Shujin. Delinquents loitering just off campus, athletes stretching on the grass, and a couple of girls getting yelled at for having a picnic in the courtyard.

Ann shrugged. "I was bored, and you're my friend. Plus, I got an extra hour of studying in while I was waiting for you, so it's not like I was just twiddling my thumbs."

"Fair, fair." He held his bag carefully as he descended the stairs, as to not disturb the slumbering Morgana.

"So," Ann said, after a few seconds of silence, "what's on your mind, Ren?"

"Ryuji," he said, and then winced, expecting no small amount of mockery.

But Ann just nodded. "Yeah," she said, no hint of laughter in her voice, but a small smile on her face. "You're probably worried, but it's gonna be okay. I've known Ryuji way longer than you, and he's like...the biggest softie I've ever seen in my entire life." She broke into a wide grin. "He literally started crying on an aquarium field trip in middle school because he wanted to look at the dolphins with his mom, but parents weren't allowed to come with."

"Oh my god," Ren muttered, grinning despite himself. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Ann snickered. "I helped him buy her the biggest dolphin plush in the gift shop, just because he wanted to make her happy. I'm pretty sure he still owes me a couple hundred yen for that." She shrugged. "But also? He loves you. It's like, super obvious."

Ren took a long breath. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, you're probably right."

Ann looked like she was going to say something further, but she was interrupted by an inexplicable shout. "Ren!" The scramble of quick footsteps from, and both Ren and Ann turned around to see a freshman girl with red hair and a huge grin running towards them.

Ren blinked. "Oh, hey Kasumi!"

Kasumi almost tripped, stumbling to a halt in front of them with surprising grace. "I was heading off to practice," she said, spilling over her words, "and I saw you walking and I hope it wasn't rude of me to come say hi but I wanted to come say hi, so hi!"

Ren chuckled. "Hi to you too." He glanced to Ann, who looked a little taken aback by the girl's sudden intrusion, but not at all uncomfortable. Like she was sizing Kasumi up. "Kasumi, this is my friend Ann Takamaki. Ann, this is Kasumi Yoshizawa."

Ann's face lit up. "Oh! Ren told me about you, you two hung out last week, right?" She extended a hand. "Thanks for taking care of my friend, Kasumi. I think he was having a rough time, but he seemed fine the next day, so you helped a lot." Ren was struck by the very tempting urge to glare at her for that.

Kasumi just stared down at Ann's hand. "Oh," she said, quietly, her hands wiggling a little by her side. She slowly, carefully, reached out and took Ann's hand, incredibly lightly. "Nice to meet you, Miss Takamaki."

"Ann," she corrected, politely. "Any friend of Ren's is a friend of mine."

Kasumi tilted her head a little, considering that. Then, she nodded. "Okay," she said. "Friends. Nice to meet you, Ann." She shifted in place, looking seemingly anywhere but at Ann. "Um, would it be rude to say that you look very pretty? I don't want to make you uncomf-ortable."

Ann giggled. "Aww, you sweetheart. Thank you, you look really pretty too Kasumi."

Kasumi grinned in a distinctly bashful way, leaning from heel to toe to heel to toe, hands behind her back.

As much as Ren wanted to stick around and just chat, he felt the anxiety of his potential tardiness pulling on him. "I've got a doctor's appointment pretty soon, I've gotta head out, sorry. We should hang out again soon though."

Kasumi nodded. "We should!" She waved, flapping her hand a little. "See you round Ren! And you too Miss, uh, Ann!" And the young lady turned and rushed off.


6/30 – Thursday
After School
Ogikubo

Being around Ryuji was easy. Ren had been worried, as the 3rd inched ever closer, that he'd be too anxious around the jock, but as much as the concept of his own confession filled him with dread, he was still never anything but comfortable being in his company. "Are we celebrating anything in particular?" he asked.

Ryuji just shrugged. "I dunno." He chuckled. "Dude, I've just been craving ramen and you're my best bud. Might as well hit two rocks with one stone."

Ren chose not to correct him. "Hey, that's as good a reason as ever."

"Almost there," Ryuji said, quiet, almost a singsong. "I can taste it already."

"What're you gonna get this time?" Morgana asked from inside his bag. "Your usual?"

Ryuji considered it. "Nah, I'll probably just ask Sabi to surprise me." He started, glancing towards Ren's bag. "Oh, shit, Mona do you want a bowl too? I dunno what Sabi's policy is, but I bet we can get a little dish of broth for you."

"Oh," Morgana said. He was silent for a moment, then Ren felt him wriggle his head out. "You don't have to do that for me."

Ryuji waved a hand. "Dude, you're my friend. S'nothing at all." He turned back, jogging a few steps forward to grab hold of the ramen shop's doorhandle, and pull. It did not budge. He did not budge. He just stared at the door, blinking slowly.

"What's..." Ren began, but the words fell from his throat as he saw the piece of paper plastered to the door. He felt Morgana wriggle back into his bag.

"Our apologies," Ryuji read aloud, "to our wonderful customers. We regret to declare that we are permanently closed. We are sorry for any inconvenience and thank you for your patronage. Sincerely, Ishida Sabi." The blond slowly let go of the handle. He took a single step, wobbled, and then leaned back against wall. "What the fuck. Ren, what...what..." As if gravity had called in a debt, Ryuji slipped down the wall, slowly collapsing into a shocked seat against the empty shop, arms half-limp by his sides. "How could he just close it? He...it...how?"

Ren didn't know what to say. Silent, he just sat down next to Ryuji.

Neither of them said anything, for a very long time.

"This is dumb," Ryuji mumbled. "I shouldn't care like...it's...it's just a restaurant, right?"

Ren considered his response carefully. "That's up to you, I think," he said. "You said it felt like home."

"Yeah," he replied, quietly, barely a breath. Ryuji let out a long sigh through his nose. "I don't know. God, I feel like I lost a fucking family member or something. I mean it was just, it's like, this place was somewhere I could go to feel safe, when I didn't feel safe at home." He laughed without humor. "Shit, I don't know if I could have made it through middle school, after all that shit my dad put me through, if it wasn't for Sabi. And now his shop is just..." He gestured at nothing. "I mean, it's gone. It's just gone."

"I'm sorry," Ren said, as loud as his aching heart could bare, which wasn't much more than a whisper.

Ryuji glanced towards Ren. "I..." he muttered, and then he looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "You remember what I said, like, when we got ramen there? That it was supposed to be your place too?"

"I remember," Ren said.

"I wasn't, like, blowing hot air. I meant it." He sighed. "That's kind of why it hurts. I mean, it hurts cause of how much I'm missing it, but I really thought it was gonna be like...like, our place. I thought we could go get ramen here all the time, that it could be a special thing that was just you and me." Ryuji slumped down further. "Saying it out loud sounds pretty stupid."

Ren took a deep, unsteady breath. "Ryuji," he said, choking down a sob, "you're fucking amazing, you know that? You're just..." He paused, catching himself. "Fuck. You're gonna make me cry, you dumbass."

Ryuji snickered. "Sorry."

Ren reached over and pulled Ryuji into a sideways embrace. "We'll find somewhere else," he said. "For just you and me."

"Yeah," Ryuji mumbled back, leaning into Ren, relaxing just a little. "Okay. Okay."


7/1 – Friday
Lunch
Shujin Academy

Ann frowned, and swallowed a mouthful of bread. "You can't just force a 'special place,' Ren. It's gotta come naturally." Ann had turned her chair around so she could put her lunch down on Ren's desk.

He sighed. "I know. I'm not trying to force it, just asking if you have any suggestions. Or, ideas or something."

"Okay," Ann said, "then what about that shop where he always works?"

"That doesn't sound like a very romantic date location," Morgana teased from inside Ren's desk.

Ren rolled his eyes. "I'm not asking for a date location," he protested. "Just somewhere nice to go with a friend."

Ann smirked. "No, Mona's right. Wouldn't want the creepy owner dude watching you two flirt with each other." She scratched her chin, taking another bite as she thought. "Did you guys meet anywhere particular?"

"Same random overhang I met you," Ren said.

"Ah," she replied, "probably not a great hangout place then."

"What about that buffet we went to after changing Kamoshida's heart?" Morgana offered. "We've got some good memories there, I bet he'd like to go back sometime."

"Maybe," Ren said. "Would he like to go to somewhere that expensive often though?"

"Ryuji does get kinda anxious about spending money," Ann agreed. "Oh, didn't you two go to the batting cages at one point?"

"Hm." Ren scratched his chin. "Yeah, that sounds nice." He thought about suggesting the bathhouse, but...no. Absolutely not. "Has he ever mentioned anywhere else he likes going to? Like another restaurant he frequents?"

Ann shrugged. "Not that I can remember. I think he used to hang around at the arcade a lot before he met you, but as far as restaurants go, it was only ever that ramen place."

Ren twisted a lock of hair between two fingers. "I mean we could always go look around for another ramen place. But unless Sabi was in the habit of giving away his recipe, I don't...think..." He blinked. "Holy shit."

"What?" Ann asked.

He couldn't help but grin. "How do you feel about going on a hunt for Ryuji's favorite chef?"


7/1 – Friday
After School
Ogikubo

"All things considered, that wasn't that hard," Ann said, pocketing her phone. "I expected to be asking around a lot more." Sabi's home wasn't that far from his former shop, only a mile and a half walk through cramped, residential streets. It was a little two-story house with a faded tan paint job, nestled up between two similar properties.

"It sounded like Sabi was real well liked," Morgana said. "Everyone you talked to was really happy when you said his name."

"He seemed like a great guy when I met him," Ren said.

Ann put one hand out, and glanced to Ren. "Ready?"

"Yeah," he said. Ren decided it was a good think he liked Ryuji so much, otherwise he'd have been seriously considering bailing.

And Ann knocked on Sabi's front door. A moment of silence, then a faint mumble of conversation, and a young woman with dark skin, black hair in a ponytail, a plain white shirt and sweats opened the door, staring at the two high-schoolers. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"We're looking for Ishida Sabi," Ann said, as cheery as she'd ever been. Ren was more than happy with letting her lead the conversation. "Does he live here?"

The woman gave her an odd look. Then she shrugged, and shouted something into the house in loud and rapid English. Ren could only catch the first word, "dad," but he couldn't understand the rest.

Ann's face lit up. "Oh!" And she said in English as well, just as quick and just as impossible for Ren to translate. Something something "English" something something. A compliment, probably?

The woman raised an eyebrow. Something something "America."

Ann nodded quickly. Something "Finland" something something "New York."

The woman nodded, looking a little impressed. She said another few words, and Ann burst out laughing.

A man's voice from behind the woman, and she moved out of the doorway, to let the familiar face of Ishida Sabi stare through the doorway. His confused expression lit up after his eyes fell on Ren. "Oh! You're Sakamoto's friend, aren't you?" He turned to the woman, saying a few words in English, and then stepped out, closing the door behind him. "I don't believe I ever introduced myself. Ishida Sabi, it's a pleasure to meet you." He extended his hand to Ren.

"Ren Amamiya," he said, and shook the man's hand. It was rough, and calloused, and he had a very firm handshake. "This is Ann, she's also a friend of Ryuji's."

"Hiya!" she said.

"Very lovely to meet you both," he said with a laugh. "What can I do for you?"

"Well," Ren began, "we noticed that you closed your ramen shop."

"Ah, yes," Sabi replied, an odd sadness shining in his eyes. He stroked his goatee, his gaze distant. "My daughter had been planning on moving out in the last couple years, going to college, but she ran on some very hard times recently. And as much as I love my shop, and hate to disappoint everyone I've met while working there – young Sakamoto included – I need to look out for my child."

Ren nodded. "I understand. I was, uh, I was wondering..." Wow, it was a lot harder to ask than he thought.

"Spit it out boy!" the man laughed.

"Well Ryuji's one of the most important people in my life," Ren said, the words flying off his tongue unbidden, "and I know he's really going to miss your ramen, so I was thinking maybe would you let me borrow your recipe sir? I'd, uh, like to maybe make it for him sometime."

Sabi was silent for a while, just nodding ever so slightly. "Wait here," he said, and practically ran back into his house. Ren could hear the faint sound of clattering through the ajar door, and then hurried footsteps as Sabi returned, clutching a piece of paper in his hand. Without a word, and with a wide smile, he presented it to Ren. "Here you are, young Amamiya. I trust you won't go into the restaurant business without telling me, of course.

Ren didn't know what to say to that. He reached out and took the piece of paper. "Thank you, sir," he said, almost breathlessly.

"You take care of Sakamoto now too, you hear?" Sabi smiled softly. "That boy hasn't always been go-lucky, though he's definitely had his cheerful streaks. But I don't think I've ever seen him smile as big and as honest as when you were with him."

Ren just nodded, clutching the paper tight to his chest. He thought of that afternoon, when the two of them had gotten ramen together, he thought of Ryuji's smile then. And he found his heart ache so wonderfully at the memory.


7/2 – Saturday
After School
Cafe Leblanc

The bell over the door rang, and Ren poked his head around the stove to see exactly who he was hoping. "Makoto, Yusuke, over here!" He waved to them, then turned back to the pot full of broth on the stove. "When does it say to simmer, again?"

Sojiro squinted at the recipe in his hand, then glanced at the pot, then at the recipe. "This guy's handwriting is atrocious," he mumbled, before clearing his throat. "I don't see many bubbles yet, but keep an eye on it. Soon as it starts bubbling consistently, turn down the temperature all the way."

Ren nodded. "Got it."

"How's it going?" Makoto asked, stepping around the counter, Yusuke right behind her. She took a long sniff, and then her nose curled. "What's that smell?"

"I burnt some chicken in the oven," Ren admitted.

"And that," Sojiro added, "is why I'm now helping him."

"I think it's going okay," Ren said, refusing to look away from the pot for any longer than second. "I'm pretty sure we've followed the recipe to the letter this time. We've messed up the last few times though. Turns out we both suck at deglazing."

Yusuke hummed in thought. "Then, and I'm sorry if this is rude to say, why would need our help? You have Boss helping you, after all."

"Unfortunately," Sojiro said with a chuckle, "it seems that I'm only any good at cooking curry. Ramen is far outside my expertise."

Makoto nodded. "Well, I'm grateful for the opportunity to help. We'll do our best."

"Indeed we will," Yusuke confirmed.

"Thank you both," Ren said, smiling at them before turning back to the pot. "Is it boiling now?"

Sojiro nodded. "Looks like it."

Ren turned down the burner as far as it went. "Okay. It's gonna take a little while for that to simmer all the way, I think."

Sojiro handed the recipe to Ren, then scooted past Makoto and Yusuke to plop down on his stool behind the register. "I'll leave it to you three. Best of luck, let me know if you need anything."

Makoto took a long breath in and out. "Yusuke, how are you at chopping vegetables?"

"Well enough," he said. "Shall I busy myself that, then?"

"Please do. Ren, any more toppings that need the stove?"

Ren double checked the recipe. "Hardboiled eggs," he said. "And the noodles. Wait, uh, it says we do the noodles after the eggs."

"Eggs it is," she said, and rolled up her sleeves. "Let's get started."


7/3 – Sunday
Afternoon
Cafe Leblanc

Ren hadn't slept much the night before, but he was well and truly caffeinated, and anxiety kept him sharp. "You sure you're gonna be alright without me?" he asked.

Morgana glared at him. "I'm not a child," he snapped, "and Ann's a very competent woman." He turned his head to the side, harrumphing at Ren's presumption.

Ann giggled. "Hey, I'm not complaining at a chance to hang out with my favorite fuzzy buddy." She leaned down and scratched under Morgana's chin. "Plus, it's gonna be way more fun with just me, you won't have to listen to Ren flirting with his new boyfriend."

Ren felt his cheeks heat up. "Shut it," he grumbled, but he could help smiling.

"We can watch some movies and get delivery," Ann added.

"Oooh," Morgana said. "That does sound fun." He stretched his whole body out, and each leg in turn, and then pranced a little ways down the street. He paused midstep, and turned to yell at Ren. "Don't forget, there's a parcel tomorrow!"

"I won't!" he said, and turned to Ann. "And thanks for taking him for the night."

Ann shrugged, standing up. "Like I said, it's my pleasure." She hesitated. "And if it goes badly, and you don't want to be alone or whatever, you should come hang out with me and Morgana. Promise, you'll be welcome."

"I will," Ren promised.

Ann smiled and hugged Ren tight. "You've got this," she whispered, and then broke the embrace to jog after the not-a-cat. "So Morgana, any thoughts on what you want for dinner?"

"Could we get some sushi?" Mona asked.

"So long as we can find one that delivers," Ann said, and then the pair was out of earshot.

Ren took a long breath, in and out, in and out. Okay. Hour and a half left. Not that long at all. And at the same time, a near eternity.


Ren flinched at the sound of knocking at Leblanc's front door, almost dropping the heavy pot he was holding. "Come on in!" he called, biting his lip, carefully pouring broth from the pot into the bowl of noodles.

The bell above the door. "Ren?" Ryuji called, a little confused.

"One sec," he said, a little strained, doing his best to lower the pot gracefully back onto the stove. "You can sit down if you want, I'll be right there. Just finishing up lunch."

Ryuji laughed. "Alright, alright." The slight whine of a counterside stool legs against the floor. "You never did tell me what you were making."

"You'll see." Noodles and broth, of course. Eggs, vegetables, pork, a little pickled bamboo, and a single serving-size sheet of nori. Double checking to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything, and taking another deep breath to calm his nerves, Ren picked up the bowl and walked around the corner.

Ryuji's gaze was on Sojiro's jarred coffee beans, but he glanced towards Ren, and then towards the bowl in his hands, and then the blond burst out laughing. "Are you for fucking real!?"

"Hundred percent," Ren replied, carefully placing the bowl and a pair of chopsticks in front of Ryuji, then wiping some sweat off his brow. "Happy birthday, Ryuji."

"You're a sap and a half, you know that?" Ryuji took a long whiff, and sighed, so unbearably blissful. "Damn, that smells good. You gonna get a bowl too?"

"In a bit," Ren agreed. "Not the hungriest right now." He crossed around the counter, gesturing to Ryuji as he did. "Go ahead. It's all yours."

"If you say so." Ryuji cracked the chopsticks. "Thanks for the meal." And he twirled up a bundle of noodles, popping it into his mouth. He didn't move. Chopsticks held in his mouth still, motionless on the stool. Frozen.

"Ryuji?" Ren sat down next to the jock, barely able to keep himself from panicking. "Is...is it okay?"

Ryuji lowered the chopsticks, chewed, swallowed, and then whirled toward Ren. "Fucking Sabi's ramen!?"

Oh thank god. Ren broke into a sheepish grin. "Surprise?"

"Dude." Ryuji just stared at him, blinking, not saying a word. "How...how the fuck..."

"I uh," Ren glanced down, "Ann helped me figure out where he lived, and I asked him for the recipe. He says hi, by the way."

Ryuji turned back to the steaming bowl, still looking more than a little stunned. "Ren, holy shit. I'm...I'm...holy shit, dude. You're fucking amazing. Like, actually incredible. What did I ever do to deserve being your friend?"

Ren smiled too, trying to keep the knot in his throat from stifling his words. "You're you. That's more than enough."

Ryuji flashed a grin and then picked up his chopsticks again. "Sap alert, dude."

Ren just snickered. "Eat your fucking ramen, dipshit."

"Yessir," Ryuji said through a mouthful of noodles. And it was quiet for a little while. Ren's heart still pounding, Ryuji slurping at the ramen, and birds chirping away outside.

Finally, Ryuji took one last long sip, and placed the bowl back down on the countertop.

"How does it compare to Sabi's?" Ren teased.

"No fucking contest," Ryuji said, solemnly. "You killed it, dude."

He chuckled, but his own heart drowned out the sound. "Ryuji," he began, "uh. Okay."

Ryuji frowned turning towards Ren. "What's up?" His voice, his fucking voice.

Ren bit his lip, hard. "It's, uh, I kinda want, I want, I want to tell you something."

Ryuji nodded, that unbearably concerned look in his eyes. "Yeah dude, you can tell me whatever."

This was agony. He could barely breathe. This was fucking impossible. He couldn't say the words. This was hell. Ren would just have to find some excuse, some reason to back out, to play it off like a joke. And then he met Ryuji's gaze, stared into the boy's gorgeous brown eyes, and his nerves steadied. No. No running away from this. Not now. Not from him.

Ren forced a breath into his lungs. "Sorry," he said. "This is, this is really hard."

Ryuji just nodded, waiting without a word.

"So," Ren began, each syllable its own unique and agonizing burden, "you remember back a little while ago, when I said that, that I had something on my mind? But I wanted to think it through, before I told you."

Ryuji nodded again.

"I thought it through. And, I've made a decision, I guess. I've figured out how I feel." Ren swallowed hard. "I know we've only been friends for a couple months and everything, but you're, you're like the most important person I've ever met. I'm, just, so fucking happy to be your friend, Ryuji." It was a little easier now, just a bit. Word flowing after word. "Being around you makes me happy. Like, I don't know how to describe it. My chest gets all tight and I can't stop smiling and I just feel like 'this is it, I'm finally okay, everything's finally gonna be okay.' Just, spending time with you, it makes my heart ache, and I...I just..." He took a deep, unsteady breath. "I've never felt like that, around anyone. And I think, I think..." Go ahead. You know the words, Ren. Seven little words. No more, no less. "I think I'm in love with you." And he couldn't help but laugh, the sound bubbled out of him before he could stop it, and he was giggling like a maniac and hiccuping and trying to stop from sobbing. "I'm, I'm, I mean I, I want to be with you. Fuck, I...I just want to be with you. That's all I think I've wanted for a long while. But it's not like, like we have to change anything, we don't have to be anything more than friends." And his eyes finally focused enough to glance towards Ryuji, and everything else fell away.

Ryuji was crying. His lip quivering, eyes filled with tears, saline rolling down his cheeks, hands clutching tight to his jeans, his arms shaking, breathing so unsteadily.

Fuck. "Fuck, Ryuji, I'm sorry, I'm so–"

"Don't you dare," Ryuji said, laughing and sobbing and shuddering. "Don't you dare apologize, Ren. Don't you dare take it back."

Ren didn't know what to say. He couldn't say a word, no words came, nothing came. Nothing but static and longing and hope, oh god, that unbearable hope.

"I'm just," Ryuji blubbered, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, sniffling, taking a deep breath. "Fuck. I'm just fucking happy, man. I'm so happy." He laughed again.

"You're..." What were the words? What did he want to ask? What did every cell in his body yearn to know?

"Yeah, dude." And Ryuji smiled, he grinned, even as he cried. "Ren, I've been so fucked up terrified of like, ruining our friendship and hurting you and making you hate me and–" He cut himself off with a sob, gesturing frantically at nothing. "And you just fucking say it!? You say it and you feel the same and I'm just...dude, I don't..." He swallowed, looking like he was trying hard not to cry further. "Do I gotta say it too?"

"Please," Ren said, barely a breath, barely a whisper.

Ryuji laughed, and rubbed at his eyes, and took a long breath. "Not any easier for me," he mumbled, staring at the countertop, still shaking a little. "But I love you. So, so much. I don't even know how to fucking stand it, just, I feel like my ribs are just gonna break in half. I've loved you for months, and I want to be with you more than anything. "

He loved him. Ren blinked. He loved him. He loved him. He loved him.

Maybe it was silent, maybe the world had stopped completely, but Ren couldn't hear it. He couldn't notice anything, couldn't perceive a single molecule beyond of the young man sitting in front of him, his cheeks flushed and his eyes bloodshot and his hands tense on his legs.

Ren slipped off the stool. He reached up, and as gently as he possibly could, wiped the remnant of a tear from Ryuji's cheek. One hand found Ryuji's, and he squeezed them tight, and cupped Ryuji's cheek, and he leaned in, and he leaned in too, and he could taste his breath, and he closed his eyes, and he kissed him. His heartbeat tearing through every vein, such heavenly agony. Maybe he was crying too. Maybe they both were. He had no mind left with which to determine. He kissed him. He kissed him and kissed him until he couldn't breathe, and then he kissed him again. Like there was no one else in the whole world. Nothing else that mattered.


"So," Ryuji said, "we're like, dating now, right?" They were lying on Ren's bed, on top of his covers. Ryuji staring up at the ceiling, Ren's head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat through his shirt, the jock's arm around him.

"I want to date you," Ren said. He ran his thumb along Ryuji's hand. "Do you want to date me?"

"Yeah," Ryuji nodded. "So, uh, boyfriends?"

"Boyfriends," Ren chuckled.

"Rad," he said, grinning. And they were quiet for a while.

"Do you want to tell the rest of the Thieves?" Ren asked. "Or, like, Sojiro, and your mom?"

"Sure," Ryuji said. "I mean, I'd rather not go around telling everyone at school or whatever. But I'm cool with friends and family knowing. And I'm probably gonna tell Mister Iwai, if you're chill with that."

"Go for it." Ren adjusted a little, and looked up at Ryuji's face. "Can I ask you a kinda weird question?"

Ryuji nodded.

"Okay, so uh, do you like..." Ren felt stupid, he felt like an absolute idiot, but he had to know. "Do you want to be exclusive?"

Ryuji met Ren's gaze with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

He looked away, putting his head back down on the blond's chest, his cheeks hot. "Never mind. Sorry, it's dumb."

"Not dumb at all, Ren," he said, softly. "I'm just confused, that's all."

Ren took a deep breath. "Right. Okay, sorry." He closed his eyes. "I guess, like, you know how I've been getting those weird vision memories from Anachronism? In some of them, well, we're together, but there's also this girl I don't recognize with us. And I think...either you or me, or both of us, are dating her? And each other?"

"Huh," Ryuji said. He was silent for a bit. "I didn't know that was a thing. Hm." Another little silence. "I don't...think I'd mind that much if you dated me and someone else at the same time? Like I dunno for sure, but that doesn't sound that bad. I just love you, Ren, I don't think I'll love you any less if I have to share you." He laughed.

"Same," Ren mumbled. "If you ever felt like that for someone else, as long as you told me, and didn't leave me for them, then I wouldn't be upset."

"Okay," Ryuji said, his voice a little quiet. "Hey, Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you."

Ren smiled. "Love you too, Ryuji." And he slept.


7/4 – Monday
Dawn
Cafe Leblanc, Attic

The sun hadn't quite risen all the way, when Ren opened his eyes. It was still more dark than light in the attic. But he could see enough, see Ryuji's face in front of him, see his best friend – his boyfriend – lying with his shoulder against the wall, softly snoring away. Ren just stayed there, not moving, watching him sleep. for a little while. Watched his chest rise and fall. Traced his lips with his eyes, memorized the peaceful expression on his face. Watched until he couldn't bear to watch any longer. Ren rolled over, slowly, carefully, and slipped off the bed.

It wasn't that cold, in the attic. He'd forgotten to close the window, and they'd both slept on top of his blankets, but it must have been a warm night. The normal morning chill hadn't soaked into the floorboards, as it so often would.

Ren went around the bed to his desk, where he expected to see the clothes he'd laid out the night before, only to find them absent. Right. Right, he hadn't laid out his uniform, he was already wearing his uniform, because he'd fallen asleep before changing into his pajamas.

He sighed. Well, good thing he had a spare. He was about to head towards the far end of the room to grab it, but memory stalled his step. Right. Parcel.

As quietly as he could, Ren grabbed his phone off the bedside table, lowered himself to the floor and then reached under his bed for the parcel. After grabbing the wrong package twice, he finally pulled the 7/4 parcel from underneath, and brushed the dust from his shirt. Then, he undid the adhesive and opened it. A single sheet of paper, twice folded; now, twice unfolded, the handwriting messy but hardly illegible.

Oxymoron says everyone gets to add something to the parcels. Anachronism gets a few, but the rest of us only get one.

This is my one.

I wish I knew what to say to make everything right, to just fix it all. But I'm not really that smart, and even my Joker doesn't know the right words. So I'll do what I know how to do, and I'll say how I feel. Maybe that'll help somehow.

I've had a few bad days with my boyfriend. We've argued, and fought, and a couple times I worried we might break up, but we never did. Sometimes we didn't even talk afterward, he'd just sit down next to me and hold my hand and we'd just be quiet together for a few hours. By the time either of us could find anything to say, we never really remembered what we were even fighting about in the first place.

When he told me he was going to sacrifice himself to save the world, to save some future me and some future him, I could have said no. I could have dug in my heels and dragged him away. Maybe that would have changed his mind, but I wouldn't. Not because I want him to die, but because I know that look in his eye when he's set his mind on the right thing, when he'll move hell and earth for that, when he wants so desperately to hear me tell him I agree, and that I'll be right there with him, and that I'll fight by his side one more time. And because I love him. He says any purpose in a doomed world, even as a martyr, is worth fighting for. I don't know that I can see it that way, but I don't need to. He's the one fighting for it, so I'll fight for it too.

We're not dead, really, and we haven't lost, cause you're still alive and fighting. Even if you don't remember me like I am now, and even I forget every single evening we spent together, and every kiss you ever gave me, and every time I've cried because I just couldn't stand how much I loved you, I don't think any of that is lost forever. And next time I see you, I'll probably kiss you, and tell you I love you, and we can make all those memories again.

Yours, always,
Ryuji Sakamoto

Ren wouldn't let Ryuji see him, not shuddering the way he was, not crying so pathetically, not sobbing silently into the open air. He wouldn't be able to bear it. He couldn't handle it. So he cried, without a sound, without moving a muscle. He cried. Until his eyes cleared and his throat relaaxed and his heart could beat without sending further pain through his chest. Ren wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, and took a long breath in and out. He folded the letter back up, and placed it in the parcel.

"Hey Ren." Soft, and quiet, but it still made Ren jump. He glanced over his shoulder to see Ryuji, who looked barely awake, push himself up to sitting. The jock yawned. "What time is it?"

"Almost six," he replied. "Did I wake you?"

Ryuji shook his head. "Don't think so." He yawned again, and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. "Fuck, that's early. I don't usually wake up till eight."

Ren chuckled, feeling the tension start to drip out of him, flow down and down and out and away. "No wonder you're late all the time."

Ryuji just stuck his tongue out.

"You told your mom you were staying over, right?"

"Yeah," Ryuji said, "you fell asleep, but I texted her before I passed out."

Ren nodded. "I'm gonna grab my clothes and then make some coffee, you want some too?"

"Yes please," Ryuji mumbled. He chuckled, and pointed to his face. "Good morning kiss please?"

"Hmm." Ren got up, leaned over and then poked Ryuji's nose. "Come downstairs first. Then good morning kisses."

Ryuji groaned, and then flopped over onto the bed, burying his face in Ren's pillow. "You're the meanest boyfriend ever," he whined, muffled by the pillow.

Ren just laughed, patted Ryuji's shoulder, and then headed towards the staircase.


It took another hour for Ryuji to stumble down the stairs, and he looked no less exhausted when he did so. Without a word, he walked over to the booth Ren was sitting in, sat down next to him, and kissed him.

"Good morning," Ren said, and kissed him back.

"Morning," Ryuji mumbled. He held his coffee cup in both hands, and sighed in a distinctly blissful way. "That's so nice and warm." He lifted it to his lips, sipped it, shuddered at the bitter taste, and took another sip.

"Did you sleep okay?" Ren asked, fiddling with the empty cup in front of him.

Ryuji nodded. "Woke up a couple times, but I can't complain. You?"

"Honestly, better than I have in a while." Ren leaned over, resting his head on Ryuji's shoulder. "I think I just felt safe with you, or something."

Ryuji didn't say anything, but Ren could tell he was smiling. He took another long sip. "I'm not a big coffee guy," he said, "but this is pretty damn good, Renren."

"Renren?" Ren spluttered.

Ryuji chuckled. "Yeah man. I mean, we're dating now, we get to call each other dumb nicknames and shit, right?"

Ren didn't know what to say, so he just laughed. "You couldn't come up with anything better than that?"

"You think you can do better?" Ryuji goaded.

"With my eyes closed."

"Give me your best shot then, Renren."

Ren rolled his eyes. But as big a game as he'd spoken, he wasn't exactly sure–

A smile on his sun's lips; such a lovely sight. Common as the sunrise, but no less wondrous.

Ah. Right, as if it could have ever been anything else. "How about Sunshine?" He scooted closer, pressing a light kiss to Ryuji's cheek. "My wonderful, handsome Sunshine."

Ryuji didn't say a word, but Ren watched his face slowly turn the approximate color of a beet. Silent, blushing harder than Ren had ever seen in his life, Ryuji simply took another sip of coffee.

Ren burst out laughing, and rested his head back on Ryuji's shoulder. "See? Told ya." Ren's phone buzzed, and he fished it out of his pocket.

Ann
Yo Ren, how'd it go?
Everything alright on planet Amamiya?

Rather than text her back, Ren opened his photo app, and snapped a quick picture of the two of them, Ryuji mid-sip and distinctly blushing, Ren resting on his shoulder with a big grin on his face. "Cool if I send that to the gang?" he asked.

Ryuji grumbled, but nodded. "Yeah, but you've gotta kiss me like four times if you do."

Ren laughed. "I'll kiss you five times." And he tossed the photo into the group chat.

Ren
You tell me lol

Ann
YOU TWO ARE SO FUCKING CUTE I'M GONNA BE SICK