CONTENT WARNING: The section "8/13 – Friday, Afternoon, Inokashira Park" contains references to abuse and sexual assault. While not graphic, this content still may be difficult or upsetting to read, so please take breaks or skip sections as needed. Stay safe.
8/10 – Tuesday
Afternoon
Cafe Leblanc
Sojiro was off on one of his regular errands – most likely half for the store, and half for Futaba – and he'd left Ren to sweep the shop, tend to any customers that might decide to beat the summer heat with a cold cup. However, it wasn't a customer in the doorway now, but a friendly face. "Howdy Ann."
"Howdy Lady Ann!" Morgana chirped from atop one of the booth tables. He'd been slowly converting his body mass into a black, fuzzy loaf over the course of the afternoon.
"Howdy Ren, Morgana." She slipped inside. "Hope I'm not interrupting. I'll only be a second."
"I'd rather you interrupted more, actually," he said, resting his broom on the counter. "Sojiro's been pretty receptive to me dropping work for a friend."
Ann snorted. "Sorry, maybe another time. I really can't stay that long." She seemed to compose herself, one hand on the strap of her bag. "I wanted to say thank you again, for Monday. I feel like I kinda dragged you along–"
"Ann," he said, firm. "I was happy to help. You're very welcome, and I mean it when I say that I'd do it again."
"Okay," she said, quiet, an honest smile. Ann adjusted one of her ponytails. "And sorry for taking so long to reach out. Been kind of a crazy few days."
Ren nodded, silently prompting the girl continue.
"We kinda sorta," Ann stuttered, "um, maybe, like, me and Shiho I mean, we uh, we might have told her parents. About us."
Ren blinked. "Holy shit."
"Yeah!" A belt of giddy laughter, like the news had taken its messenger by surprise. "But, uh, I think it's okay? They're still kinda..." She tilted her hand back and forth, scrunching up her face. "But they didn't kick her out or tell her we had to stop dating or anything like that. And, uh, they said they'd consider finding a way to keep her local. Shujin's not right for her, obviously, but we're gonna find somewhere. Or something." Ann shrugged, still smiling. "She's not moving, though. We're gonna make it work."
He let that all soak in, like the tide washing over him. "That's incredible, Ann. I'm so happy for you both."
"Thank you." Ann adjusted her posture, her gaze sort of distant, sort of...searching, maybe. "Ren. Uh, like, I wanted to say...you mean a lot to me."
"You mean a lot to me too," he said, simply. Maybe it sounded like a no-sell, but he meant it.
"No, but I mean, like..." She gestured at the air, clearly frustrated. "I mean, like, you're my best friend." Ann winced. "Okay, that doesn't even come close. You are, but you're more than that, you're like the most important person in my life, like, you and Shiho are both just...irreplaceable to me." She sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Not a Thief, not with Shiho, not...alive. I don't know if you saved my life, but I wouldn't...I wouldn't have the life I do, if you weren't in it."
"I'm glad." Almost a whisper. Ren cleared his throat "I'm glad. I'm really, really glad."
She grinned, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "So, I decided. I know wouldn't let me say I've been slacking, but I wanna make a commitment here." Ann made a fist and tapped it against her chest. "You're giving your all to make sure the Thieves succeed, so I'm gonna do the same." She lowered her hand with a sheepish smile. "I mean, I've still gotta look out for Shiho, keep up on modeling. But I'm gonna train even harder in the Metaverse. Carmen comes from my heart, so I want to...strengthen that part of me, I guess." Ann closed her eyes a moment, taking a breath. When she opened them, her gaze was focused, sharp. Something like that blue fire burning behind her irises. "I'm done holding things back, hiding from the world. I think I'm probably still a coward sometimes, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from being your bonfire, when you need one. When you're ready to burn the world down, I'll bring the gasoline."
Ren couldn't help but smile, even as tears prickled the edges of his vision. "Thank you. I'm really grateful to know you, Ann." He extended a hand. "We'll go all the way. You and me and the others. We'll make it to the end. That's a promise."
Ann glanced down at his hand, chuckled, and grabbed Ren's shirt, pulling him into a tight hug. "I believe you," she said. "I trust you, Ren. I really do."
He couldn't find the words to thank her, to articulate that overwhelming gratitude, that unfettered love. So he just hugged her back.
8/11 – Wednesday
Afternoon
Inokashira Park
Mishima was pacing in front of a cement bench when Ren arrived, back and forth; that wasn't a good sign.
"Got your text–" he started, as soon as he was in earshot, and Mishima exploded.
"Medjed fucked us!" he shrieked. Gesturing furiously, his phone in a white-knuckled hand. "They fucking...they're...ugh!"
"Slow down," he said, half to Mishima and half to his own panicked heart. "What's going on?"
Mishima shoved his hand, and the phone, at Ren. "Read," he said, simply, furiously.
He took the phone, skimming the text: another announcement on Medjed's social media. Phantom Thieves betrayal. Medjed operatives missing. Drastic changes of behavior. Citing mental shutdowns and changes of heart from the Thieves. "The Thieves haven't targeted anyone from Medjed," he said, carefully, handing the phone back. "I'm not sure what they hope to accomplish. They might just be stirring up trouble, or looking for media attention."
Mishima stared at him like he was speaking in tongues. "Don't be stupid. This is personal."
Ren blinked. This level of...hostility from Mishima wasn't at all familiar, and he wasn't exactly a fan. "I'm confused, how is this personal?"
"You'd know," Mishima growled, "if you paid any attention to the fucking Phan-site."
A twinge of honest guilt at that. Between the infiltration into Futaba's palace, Summer malaise, and Sojiro's inclination to put him to work, he'd been far too distracted to spend much more than a passing few minutes on the Phantom Aficionados site. "I'm sorry," he said. "There's been a lot going on for me–"
Mishima scoffed.
"–but I should have checked in more, you're right." Ren wanted to offer a hand, but Mishima's tense posture made the gesture unlikely to be accepted. "Could you tell me what I missed?"
He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. It was only then that Ren noticed the bags under his eyes, the slight strain to his breath. The boy was running on empty spite, and had probably been as much for a while. "I made that announcement, the one we talked about. Said thanks, gave some advice on ways to help, and told Medjed they should reach out and collaborate, if they meant what they said." A little smirk, like a small victory.
Ren blinked. "We didn't talk about that last part at all."
"Yeah, well," Mishima said, "I don't need to get your permission on everything, okay? I know what I'm doing."
"We talked about playing nice," Ren said, pressing the point, "we didn't want to cause a conflict."
"Stop saying 'we,'" he snapped. "You said that, that doesn't mean I agreed." Mishima grumbled out a sigh. "Besides, it doesn't really matter, cause Medjed is a bunch of spiteful little assholes and now they're trying to frame me for siccing the Thieves on them."
"You don't know for sure why they acted that way." Ren was starting to get a little more than frustrated now. "They wouldn't strike at the Thieves just to get to you."
Mishima laughed, bitter and ugly. "The Thieves aren't the Thieves without me. You're just a bunch of nobodies running around doing magical bullshit or whatever." You're, meaning...the horror of that statement didn't have time to sink in before Mishima stepped forward, jamming a finger into Ren's chest. "You need me, more than your stupid friends."
"You think that, huh." It wasn't a question. Ren felt cold, felt sharp. "You really think you're some mystical lynchpin here. Like the world revolves around you."
"That's rich, coming from you!" Mishima stepped back, throwing his hands up. "Just tell me what you really think of me already. Tell me I'm worthless, or a waste of space. Go ahead, I want to hear you say it."
"I'm not saying any of that," Ren protested, "because I don't think any of it. You're not any of those things, but this is all so much bigger than you–"
"Fuck off." Mishima laughed, rubbing his temples. "Just fuck off. Just another word for Thief business, Thieves only, useless little boys can go fuck themselves."
Ren stared him down. "Stop putting words in my mouth."
"Then stop thinking them so fucking loud!" he screamed. The shout echoed, like thunder in the trees. Distant, and distant, and gone. But the fury remained, that bitter stare...that flicker of yellow in his eyes.
Ren was angry. But he was cold. "I don't have anything to say to you," he said. "Not in this world."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mishima asked, brow furrowed, one eyebrow up.
"I'm a Phantom," he snapped. "What do you think?" And Ren turned on his heel and walked away.
8/12 – Thursday
Afternoon
Cafe Leblanc, Attic
Ren stared down at the phone in his hands, at that red text on black. Yuuki Mishima. Mementos.
"We're really doing this?" Ryuji asked. "I mean, that shit you said he said...I'd prolly sock him in the fucking schnoz, but we're changing Mishima's heart?"
"If the Phantom Thieves agree on it." Makoto tapped her fingers against her knee. "We only act unanimously, after all."
"I dunno." Ann folded one leg over the other. "I mean, I want to help him out, like we helped out Futaba. But Futaba asked for our help, Mishima definitely doesn't want it."
"I hate to consider the possibility," Yusuke added, "but is there any danger in losing the utility of the Phantom Aficionado site should we follow through?"
"There's that danger either way," Morgana said. "Mishima sounded really really angry."
"I want to face him." Ren's words quieted the room. "I'm sorry. I just...I want to speak to him. Heart to heart. He blames me for his pain, and I want to know why. If it's my fault."
A pause. Like a hesitation shared quintuple-fold. "It may come to blows," Makoto said, softly. "You know that, right?"
Ren nodded. "If it does, I'll fight. I don't want to, the thought makes me sick, but I'll do it. If I have to." Red text on black. Yuuki Mishima. Mementos.
8/12 – Thursday
Evening
Mementos
Mishima stood alone, in that room behind the swirling door in Mementos. One of many, but he stood alone. The veins across the walls had twisted off and down, branched off into a spiral pattern across the floor, to which Mishima was the epicenter. Like roots of a tree, growing out from his feet. And something golden and gaudy and sickened was pulsing in the air a few feet up and behind him.
"That's the seed of a Palace," Mona said. Quiet, but it echoed. "This isn't...if it's recent, it's developing way quicker than it should." He shifted in place, staring at the spiral of veins. "I didn't even notice."
"I didn't either." Ren's hand tightened into a fist in his pocket.
Mishima's Shadow just watched.
"You're sure about this Joker?" Queen asked.
"Yeah," he said. "I'm sure."
Quiet among the Thieves.
"If you die," Skull said, firmly, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Ren wanted to smile, but he couldn't. "I won't die." And he stepped into the spiral.
"So this is what you look like in here," the Shadow said. "Figures you're wearing a mask."
"You're wearing one too though, right?" One foot over the over, careful and slow as to not trip. "How much have you been hiding of yourself? How much have you been hiding from yourself?"
Mishima smirked. "I'm sure you'll be able to beat it out of me."
"I'm not here to fight."
He scoffed. "That's not how things work around here, Thief."
"Says who?" Ren took a step, and Mishima tensed, and he froze. Then he slowly, carefully stepped back. "That's the line, huh?"
"I..." Mishima's Shadow stared at him, lost. "What are you...I don't..."
"Yuuki–" Ren began.
"Don't call me that," he snarled. "Don't ever call me that."
"Mishima, then. I'm here to talk." Hands in his pockets, so Mishima couldn't see the tension. Couldn't see the fury. Not at him, maybe. But it ached there, across his knuckles. "So, talk."
Another loss for words, and then the Shadow burst out laughing. Then, he screamed. "Fight me!" Distortion threaded through every syllable. A ripple across his form. "Why are you just standing there!? I'll fucking kill you Ren, I'll rip out your heart! So stop..." An unsteady breath. "Stop standing there, looking at me like that."
"No," Ren said.
"Why!?" He looked like he wanted to take a step forward, like his foot had caught on the spiral, like he couldn't move. "You never saved me, you left me alone to rot like this and now you're going to just stand there and, what, watch!?" Mementos darkened, and the Shadow's eyes gleamed with furious gold. "What the fuck do you want from me!?"
"I want to apologize." And the false world regained its luster. The lights on the walls gleamed back into existence. "I don't know if it's my fault you're here, or only my fault for not noticing. I only saw that you smiled, that you looked inspired to be working, that you wanted to help. I saw that and thought it was enough." Ren reached up, fingers around his mask. "It wasn't. Was it?" And he pulled it off. A moment of resistance, and it lifted from his skin. "Would you tell me what I'm missing? Please."
Mishima's Shadow stared at him. Maybe thinking, maybe lost. Maybe both. He looked down at the ground, at the spiral of veins. And he took one careful step over them. "I've been waiting to hear that," he said, quietly.
"I know." Ren smiled, just a little. "I'm sorry I made you wait."
They were quiet, for a while. "You look good without your mask."
Ren chuckled. "Thank you. I bet you'd look good without one too."
"Probably not. Too much of a freak for that." A small smile, pained but honest. His yellow eyes seemed momentarily darker. Almost brown. Almost human. "How do..." He paused. "How do I...stop?" Mishima stared down at his hands. "How do I stop hating myself?"
"I don't know." He took a long breath. "Wish I did."
"You're a Phantom Thief," the Shadow protested.
"I'm tired." He laughed, and reached up to twist a strand of hair around one red-gloved finger. "I'm better than I used to be. Most days, I don't hate myself. Doesn't mean I like me. Just means I like what I've been doing, the guy I've been acting like." Ren smiled, a little bitter. "People like Ren Amamiya. They like Joker. Fuck, I like Joker. I don't know that they like me. I don't know if any of them have ever even seen me."
"But you're..." And Mishima trailed off. "You're..."
"I'm a good actor, I guess." He glanced towards the wall, tracing a crimson vein with his gaze. "I don't know. I think...maybe, that just might be the self-loathing talking. Might just be looking for an excuse to burn bridges."
Mishima nodded. "I'm...yeah." He stepped a little closer. "If I was, I dunno. Different. Not me. Would we still be friends?"
"I want to be your friend." Ren looked back towards Mishima's Shadow. "Even if you've been playing a part, or lying, or manipulating me – and those are some big ifs – then there's still something in there that's you. Some time where you've been yourself with me, for a second."
"Maybe." Mishima fiddled with the front of his shirt. Hand over his heart. "I...Ren, I..."
"Don't." Mishima blinked at him, probably shocked. Ren wanted to step back, but he stayed where he was. "Don't offer me that. You know I can't take it."
"You help people when they ask!" Mishima said. "I want you to change my heart. I want you to–"
"I'm sorry." Hands back in his pockets, so Mishima wouldn't see the fury, wouldn't see that pain. "You're a Shadow. You're like a dream, or something. Even if you ask for help, I can't accept that from you. Not like this. Not unless it's the other you, the you in the real world, who says it. I can't take that risk, not on you. Not on a friend."
Mishima's Shadow stared at the ground.
"It's complicated," Ren said, taking a long breath. "I wish it were easier, I'm sorry."
Mishima just nodded. "I see. You think I'm...not her." Ren blinked. Did he hear that right? Were his ears playing tricks on him? And the Shadow laughed, and turned away, facing that ethereal seed. "I think you're wrong." A faint glow, something almost pale, almost like light. New, and blooming. Not from the seed, but from Mishima. "I think I might be."
Ren was quiet, a moment. "Maybe. If you are, then I'm sorry for assuming that too." He turned back towards the entrance, towards his friends, towards the world beyond. "If you really want me to change your heart, tell your other self to come find me." And he walked. Over the veins, out of the spiral, and into Skull's arms. And he hugged him as hard as he could, and closed his eyes, and breathed. Breathed until no longer felt like screaming.
8/13 – Friday
Afternoon
Inokashira Park
Mishima looked tired. Like he hadn't slept. "Hey," he said, quiet.
Ren sat down on the bench next to him. He wanted to speak, but he didn't know where to start.
"I'm sorry for the other day." Mishima's hands in his lap, fingers wiggling against each other. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. And what I said. And everything."
"I'm not mad," Ren said. "Kinda hurt, that you felt that way, but I'm not upset with you."
"I was mostly just lashing out. But...I guess I kinda figured you wouldn't be mad." A few seconds of silence. "You're way too kind. I don't know, it's like you've never seen the bad in me."
"I've seen the bad in Kamoshida," Ren replied. A little colder than he meant it. "Madarame. Kaneshiro. Whatever scumbag put me in jail. And me, I guess. I know what it looks like. I don't see that in you."
Quiet, again. "It's kinda weird." Mishima rubbed the back of his head. "I feel like we've had this conversation before, but I don't remember it."
Ren stared at the ground. He didn't say a word. He couldn't. How could he face that?
"You...did something, didn't you?"
He nodded.
"You changed my heart."
"No. But I talked to him, or, uh, I dunno." He let out a long breath. "That Mishima sort of implied that they weren't 'him,' if that makes sense."
"Weren't...oh." And when Ren glanced up, he saw a definite blush painting Mishima's cheeks. "Cat's out of the bag, huh?"
"I know there's a cat and a bag." Ren felt Morgana shift, maybe some sort of silent rebellion. "Don't know the details."
"Got it." Mishima sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Uh. Yeah."
Silence, like ash hanging in the air, too thick to breathe.
"I didn't used to go by Ren," he said. "When I was a kid, my parents called me something else. I had to fight them on that, when I was young. I got my heart stuck on my name, on the one that fit me, and I wouldn't let it go until they called me Ren." He leaned back, staring up through the foliage-dappled sunlight above. "They used to call me their daughter, and I fought them on that too. I guess it's kinda fucked up that I ever had to."
"You're brave," Mishima said quietly.
"I never should have had to be." Ren glanced towards Mishima again, for a moment. "You never should have had to be, either."
Mishima nodded, and shuddered. "I want to," he said, unsteady. "I want to be brave." He reached up and wiped at his eyes, taking short, gasping breaths. "I don't know. I wanna be like you. I wanna be brave enough."
"I think you can be." He reached out and gently, carefully, put a hand on Mishima's shoulder. "You don't have to do it alone. You're not alone, Mishima. I'm here."
And they sat there, quiet, letting the moment pass. "I haven't figured out a name yet," Mishima said. "I can't find anything that feels like me."
"There's no rush," Ren replied. "I promise, there isn't. When you find one, you can let me know."
Mishima just nodded. Deep breath in, deep breath out. "I'm a girl," she said. Quiet, and assured. "No one else knows, I guess. I've told some friends online, but you're the first in person."
"I won't spill," Ren assured, trying to keep his calm even as he wanted to drop everything and just scream her praises. "Not without your consent. I promise that."
"Okay." Mishima smiled, and she looked like she might start crying again. "Are you sure you didn't change my heart?"
"If I did," Ren said, "then I didn't do it as a Thief. I'm pretty sure you changed your own heart. I only helped a little."
"Pretty sure you helped a lot." Her hands in her lap again, fingernails flicking against each other. "I said some pretty stupid stuff on the Phan-Site. About Medjed, mostly, I hadn't gotten around to talking shit about you guys, though I really wanted to." Mishima sounded ashamed. "I guess, uh...I should probably hand over the site. To someone better, maybe."
"There isn't anyone better." Ren smiled. "There really isn't, Mishima. As far as I'm concerned, you're the best girl for the job."
Mishima laughed. "If you say so. Either way, I've gotta try and fix that. Lot of people have been talking about some sorta dumb war between the Phan-Site and Medjed, and I really haven't been helping. Even if I just hand it off after, I gotta clean up my mess." She nodded, slowly, as if reaffirming something to herself. "I'm gonna be better. I promise, I am."
He nodded. "I'll be right there with you."
"Thanks Ren," she said.
"Hey!" A shout rang out across the park, making the pair jump in unison. Ren turned to see a grinning Shiho waving at them from her wheelchair, with a winded Ann pushing her along the path. "Fancy meeting you two here!"
"Shiho." Mishima stood up, then paused, sending a glare towards Ren. "Did you set me up?"
"Uh," Ren said.
"My bad," Ann said, raising a hand. "I was the one who asked him. You can be mad at me if you want."
"And I was the one who asked Ann to ask Ren," Shiho concluded. "So, really, you should probably be mad at me."
Mishima rolled her eyes. "So what I'm getting here is I should be mad at all three of you?"
Shiho snorted. "Whatever, dude."
Mishima still smiled, but there was something far more forced about it. "I'm..." She swallowed hard. "I'm kind of, uh, not a dude? I mean, like, a girl?"
Shiho's eyebrows shot off her head, in perfect time to Ann's own surprise. "Woah," Shiho said, fully deadpan. "Since when?"
"Shiho!" Ann glared at her girlfriend.
"I mean," Shiho yelped, "I mean, uh, okay, sorry, dumbass jock brain here." She adjusted herself in her wheelchair. "Thanks? For trusting me. Us. And, yeah. I'm...proud, of you?" She let out a little grimace at her own verbal stumbling. "Should I...I mean, call you anything different?"
"I'm still going by Mishima," she confirmed, averting her eyes. This was definitely uncomfortable for her, but there was something like a smile on her face. "Until I find something better. And, uh, the Thieves can know." A glance towards Ren with that. "Everyone else...not yet."
Shiho nodded. "Mum's the word." She opened her mouth, and then closed it. She glanced at Ann, gesturing at the two of them, then the confused Mishima.
"Me and Shiho are dating," Ann said. "I don't know if you heard from Ren already."
Mishima blinked. "I didn't." And she broke into a wide grin. "That doesn't really surprise me though."
"Yeah, yeah," Shiho waved a dismissive hand. "Little Miss Know-It All. Bite me."
Mishima laughed, full and genuine. Shiho, though, didn't. She kept smiling, but...
"Hey. Can I..." Shiho took a deep breath in. "Can I be a real bummer here for a sec?"
"...yeah?" Mishima's smile seemed a little more forced.
Shiho hesitated. Ann reached down and put a hand on her shoulder, and she seemed to lean into her girlfriend's touch. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I ghosted you, cause I blamed you for what happened, and that's–"
"You were in the hospital," she protested. "You didn't ghost me, I was just too scared of you to ever show up." And then Mishima winced. "Sorry. Um, sorry."
Shiho shook her head. "I reached out to other people. Others from the volleyball team, some old friends, but I never reached out to you. Cause, well..." She took a deep breath. "You were the last person I saw before Kamoshida assaulted me."
A shuddering exhalation; Ren felt it, that reflected pain, like an echo. "I'm sorry," Mishima whispered, "I'm so sorry."
"I wouldn't be apologizing if I still thought it was your fault," Shiho continued. "That's the point. It's not. It wasn't, and it's not, and you don't owe me shit for that."
"I could have done more." Mishima stared at the ground between them, almost hugging herself. "I could have...lied to you. Told him I wouldn't be his messenger. I could have done something."
"So what?" Ann now, firm but kind. "We all could have done different. None of that changes what he did." She smiled gently. "None of us got out of that without scars. Not Shiho, not me, not Ryuji, and not you. We can't change that it happened, all we can do is learn from it."
"Okay," Mishima said, her voice shaking a little. "I'll learn. I swear I will."
"I know you will." Shiho smiled. "You and me both."
