The Ray Merchant Incident
"Dr. McCord, I know it's outside your office hours, but I was wondering if you had a minute." I should say no. I have to go to Allison's parent teacher conference, and Stevie wants to go dorm shopping at Target tonight. But he's a student, so I ask him to make it quick and tell him to come on in. He makes sure to shut the door before taking a seat on the small couch I have in my office, and I take a seat behind my desk.
"I would like you to be my theses advisor." He starts bluntly. It's not an out of the norm question for me to receive. I am currently working with three other PhD. students on their dissertations. But something about the way he asks makes my stomach flip, I decide to trust that feeling.
"Ray, I'm already working with three other students. I don't like to have any more advisees than that at one time. I like to give everyone enough attention." I say, and it's not untrue. I see something in his eyes then, something he covers too quickly for me to fully understand.
"But, we're connected, you and me." He sounds like a little boy who has just heard the word no for the first time, he stands and walks over to me, my desk the only thing between us. He leans in close enough that I can feel his breath and speaks softly, the way one would to a lover "I mean you feel it too."
I push my chair away from desk creating distance. I need to let him down easy. I need to be able to make a quick exit if needed.
"Ray, you are making me uncomfortable, please back up." I tell him firmly. He doesn't move.
"I love you Elizabeth, I know you know that." He looks hurt. "Why are you doing this to us?"
"Ray," I use name again, remembering my CIA training, "There is no us, I need you to back up." I look down to my panic button, every professor has one. They connect to campus security, and were installed after a student shot a professor over a bad grade two years ago.
"What are you talking about, of course there's an us!" He stands up straight and continues to get louder, "You are everything to me! Elizabeth don't do this." Suddenly his hand is in his pocket and when it returns, he's holding a knife.
I take a breath to keep my adrenaline from rising too high. I reach for my panic button and press it. I spent 20 years in the CIA, I know how to make it out of this. I just have to keep him talking until help gets here. I trust my training and lean into his feelings.
"Ray, put the knife down, please. You're scaring me." I let my fear show a bit, hoping to gain some of his trust. He looks at me, his eyes are wide and I can tell he's decompensating.
"We love each other Elizabeth" He starts to point the knife towards me, a more overt threat. "You have to love me back!"
"I do care about you, Ray." I lie, hoping he can't see through it.
"No, you have to love me." He pauses, his movements now much more precise. He takes the knife and holds it close to my neck.
"I do love you" I say trying not to gag over the words. I try to back up even more, but I hit the wall. Breathe, Bess. You can do this. Three minutes, just three more minutes and help will be here. He rambling under his breathe now, most of it I can't make out. He's talking to someone who's not in the room with us.
"I can't kill her, I love her, I'll want to be dead too." I keep the fear at bay, I know better than to panic.
"Ray" I try to pull him away from the hallucinations, realizing now that he must be in the middle of a metal health crisis. "Ray, I know you're scared. I'm scared, too. Please just look at me. You know I don't want to hurt you. Let me help you."
I don't need to wait for him to think about it, suddenly two campus security officers are in my office and Ray is being pulled away from me. He's yelling about how I betrayed him, and that he'll get me back for it. I try to calm him down.
"We are going to get you some help" I try to sound reassuring. But I am having trouble holding back the adrenaline now that the direct threat is over. My hands are shaking now, as I focus on the thought that I could've died. Stuff like this isn't supposed to happen anymore. I left the CIA. I got a safe job in a safe place. I need to talk to Henry. I'm looking around for my phone when he walks in the room.
"Elizabeth? I saw that you hit your panic button" He's out of breath. He must have run all the way across campus from his office to mine. I don't say anything, I just walk over and throw my arms around him.
"Babe? Are you hurt?" He pulls away from me, accessing for injuries. I manage to shake my head.
"He… He's just sick." I say. Henry nods, he won't press me for more information yet. He knows I'm a delayed processor and that I need time to think and decompress before I talk about it. He pulls me in to his arms holding me tight.
"I love you." He says is sincerely and softly, kissing the top of my head.
"I love you, too." I manage before the tears come.
