CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains references to attempted suicide, self harm, police brutality and drug use / overdose. While not graphic, this content still may be difficult or upsetting to read, so please take breaks or skip sections as needed. Stay safe.
10/10 – Monday
Evening
Odaiba, Shadow Response Unit Headquarters
While the underground section of the SRU facility matched Ren's expectations, he found the sight of the aboveground building to be...hauntingly mundane. It felt almost as if he'd taken an elevator across planes of reality, from the fantastical realm of androids and cognitive experimentation to a simple, unassuming office building. If it hadn't been for the familiar faces seated around the cafeteria, and the sight of Labrys leaning on the kitchenside serving counter with her metallic aspects barely hidden, he almost could have believed that he really had taken a left turn into some other insane SRU portal. But then again, he supposed it would have been unlikely that all his friends would have made the very same left turn, considering they were all seated around one of the cafeteria tables. Or, wait, not one table exactly. They'd pulled together something like four or five into some sort of super-table amalgamation just to give everyone a place to sit. And even from across the cafeteria, he could see a seat reserved for him, snug between Ryuji and Haru. It was almost too perfect to disturb. Almost.
Ann noticed him before he made it halfway across the floor, raising a hand to wave frantically. And of course, all eyes followed. Not only the Thieves', the entire cafeteria seemed to look his way. For a brief instant, panic stilled his step. But no strange gazes lingered. And soon, it was only his friends, their smiles lighting up the way.
"Sorry I'm late," he said, forcing a grin over his still quick-beating heart.
"No worries, Renren." Ryuji pushed out the chair for him, patting it twice. "Saved you a spot."
"I told them you were ch-ch-checking up on Akechi," Kasumi said. She was 90 degrees from his spot, seated on another side of the table. Shoulder to shoulder with Futaba; unsurprising, honestly. "Is he..." She trailed off, pursing her lips.
"Still a mess?" Ren replied. "Yeah." He sat down, scooting his chair in between his partners. The proximity immediately knocked his heart into a quick pace as well, though a far more comfortable one. Infinitely more lovely than the panic of being the center of unwanted attention. "He calmed down, though. Said he was going to talk more with Naoto, give him all the intel he could remember." He reached up to spin a lock of hair between his fingers – being very conscious to not elbow Haru in the process. "How'd your tour go?"
"This entire building is utterly fascinating," Yusuke said, his eyes almost lighting up. "The facility below is, of course, the SRU's primary base of operations, but the building atop it is equally amazing. Mitsuru showed us–"
Kasumi started in her chair. "Food first!" she chirped.
"Oh!" Futaba said, giggling airily and sliding a bento box across the multi-table. "Got you a box, bro. It's, uh...well, you'll see."
Raising an eyebrow, he popped the top and opened it up. Ah. Right. Bear-themed. Every single piece of food within was cut into a messy, but adorable, ursine face.
"I'll eat your sushi if you don't want it!" Morgana said, his paws up on the table next to Ann.
Ann laughed and scritched behind the cat's ear. "You already had your own whole box. And half of Yusuke's."
"I'm a growing boy," he grumbled, still leaning into her touch.
"Kinda surprised you let him," Ren commented towards Yusuke, before popping a roll into his mouth. "Free food after all."
"It was the only way we could get him to eat," Haru giggled. "He would have kept staring at his food otherwise."
"Edible art is still art," Yusuke protested, crossing his arms. "I simply wished to properly commit the sight to memory before it was gone."
Ren chuckled. "You were saying about the building?"
"It's a front," Yusuke responded. "The so-called 'Kirijo Building,' dedicated towards financial trading and the stock exchange. It doubles as both the SRU's cover story and their main monetary avenue."
"Huh." Ren chewed his way through another roll as he considered that. "So, she's making enough money to keep doing all that stock stuff, and keep Shadow Ops doing what they do?" He glanced towards Makoto. "Does that seem...like, it makes sense to you?"
She nodded. "Smart stock trading aims to earn on a percentage basis. Primarily, anything over a ten percent annual return on your investments would be considered highly successful, and that requires a certain amount of skill and luck." She gave a wry, tight-lipped smile. "From there, it's all based on your starting capital. I don't know how much Mitsuru placed into her investments, but even if it were only a few hundred million yen to start, she could easily be making a profit of ten million a year."
"Only a hundred million?" Yusuke spluttered, gaping at the young woman.
"And considering she's funneling the entirety of that profit back into the company," Makoto continued, "it makes perfect sense to me that both the Kirijo Group and SRU could manage on only those earnings." She chuckled. "And that would be discounting their distinct advantage."
Ren raised an eyebrow. All this money talk was going over his head, but he could follow along with her points well enough so far. Probably. He hoped. "Advantage?"
"Mementos," Futaba said, her grin almost sparking with manic glee. "They've got a bunch of scanners and stuff trained on the flow of the collective unconscious, so they can see how the market's gonna react before it actually does." She gestured frantically with one arm towards the general area of the cafeteria.
Shit. That was actually kinda genius. Albeit...somewhat concerning. Because it wasn't just the SRU who had access to Mementos. Shido did too. Not only knowledge of the Metaverse, Personas and Shadows from Akechi, but An-So had financial ties to all those different cognitive labs. And Ren could probably trust that Mitsuru was meddling for the greater good, but someone like Shido? Someone that malicious, that corrupt? Who was to say he hadn't done more than simply skim patterns off the top? Maybe he'd affected more. Maybe he'd affected a lot more.
"Ren?" His sister's voice instantly anchored his drifting mind. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry, I'm fine." He shook his head. "Not memories, just...thinking."
"Akechi?" Ann asked.
"Kinda," he said. "In part, at least." He glanced towards Kasumi. "Did you...tell them what he told us?"
She wilted away from the question, sending her eyes down towards her own lap. "Some of it. That he had the Wild Card, and he...that Shido doesn't know who he is." A breath in, careful and precise. "And that I still tr-trust him."
Ren just nodded. "Me too," he said, before he even thought about it.
"Is there..." Haru paused. Hesitating, like she was picking her words carefully. "Is there more that we should know?"
Ren's eyes went towards Futaba instantly, then away, almost wincing at his own impulse. "Yeah," he said, his own voice sounding alien in his ears, as if it were someone else speaking through him. "I won't give details. But..." Breath in, breath out. It wasn't enough for them to just trust Ren and Kasumi, to put their faith in Akechi through the two of them. That could probably get them far, but...not to the end.
His gaze flicked towards Ann. No more secrets, right?
"Akechi's been through hell," Ren continued. "Shido abandoned him and his mom, and he survived but she...she didn't." Another pause, another breath. "He caused the first mental shutdown by accident, he didn't have someone there like Morgana was for us, someone who knew what the Metaverse was, how it worked. And then when Shido's men came to investigate..." He trailed off. Words like empty breaths, absent, distant.
"He wants to kill him." Kasumi's voice sent a tremor across his lungs. She seemed to almost wince at her own words, but she didn't stop. "Akechi wants to kill his father. He wants to kill Shido."
Ren just nodded, feeling limp, as if his own words were tied to him like strings, keeping him upright when all else failed. Like without them, he'd simply collapse across the table. "He was fifteen. And he agreed to cause more mental shutdowns for Shido, to try and get close enough to kill him. But he got...he got suckered." Fury. Like blood boiling up into his throat, burning at his skin from the inside. "Shido offered him somewhere to belong. The Detective Prince shit, the television interviews, all of that was his reward. That's what he got for playing along."
He swallowed hard, trying to stay lucid, stay articulate. To not devolve into simple shuddering curses at the awful absurdity of the situation. "If he tried to stop Shido, he'd lose that. And even if he succeeded, An-So would probably off him. So it was either keep on being Shido's personal assassin, or lose everything and die."
"Fuck," Ryuji muttered. "Holy shit. That's...holy fuck." He ran a hand back through his blond hair. "Like, I'm not saying I'm not still pissed at the guy for everything, but all of that? Shit." A long, frustrated breath. "I mean, I might do the same if I were him. I mean, especially cause he didn't...he didn't have anyone, right? Like...if my dad came back and I didn't have all of you guys keeping me good? Fuck, I'd probably go back with the guy in a second." He swallowed hard. "Fuck. Fucking Shido."
Ren just nodded. "Yeah." A quick glance towards Futaba. Okay. She looked okay. Like she was still just taking this all in. Was this...was it the right time? And his eyes wandered just slightly to the right, to Kasumi. She met his gaze. And nodded. Once, slow and purposeful. "There's one more thing. It's...kind of a doozy, fair warning."
Breath in, breath out. Ren felt sick. "I'm not sure if he's really got the Wild Card. Cause the way he described it, he just awakened to a second Persona. Robin Hood and Loki, they both came from him. And Loki in particular, the one we saw in Kaneshiro's Palace, it..." Follow through. He knew the words. Now say them. "He used it for the first time in Futaba's mom's Palace."
If the Thieves had listened silently before, then this quiet was deafening. Not a word. Not a breath. Kasumi wrapped her arm around Futaba, pulling her closer. And it was Futaba herself who broke the silence. "Why?" Her voice was calm, quiet, and as empty as Ren felt. "Did he say why?"
"Sort of," Ren replied. "I mean, not all of the way. He just said Loki saved his life, that he would have died without it." He pursed his lips. "But he was forcing himself to do something he knew was wrong. And I think that kinda...broke him."
"Two Personas," Makoto said, quietly. "Two selves."
Ren nodded. "Akechi. And Black Mask. I think that's the only way he could manage. Because otherwise..." He trailed off.
"Otherwise he'd have to accept what he did to my mom," Futaba said. "Otherwise he'd have to accept what he did to me." She didn't sound angry. She sounded dark. Her voice was void, like the empty un-space in the heart of Okumura's black hole. Her hands, clinging to Kasumi's sleeve, shook. "He recognized me. Back in Leblanc, he knew who I was. He knew."
"Futaba." Ann's voice was soft, kind. "Are you okay? I know this is a lot, we don't have to deal with this all right now."
Rather than answer, she just turned her face, pressing her forehead into Kasumi's shoulder. "I hate him," she said. "And I hate that I want to forgive him." She breathed hard, shallow, messy. "I just want this to be over. I want to stop thinking about what he did. I want to stop thinking about why my mom had to die." A shudder like an awful laugh. "Can we just...go home, please? I'm sorry, I just...I can't. I can't." She reached a shaky hand out across the table, not even looking his way.
Ren nodded, his breath numbing his throat. "Yeah." And he reached out, holding his sister's hand as tight as he could. "Let's go home."
Leaving the Kirijo building felt like ripping off a bandaid. It was unbearable, tense, awful. And then he was outside. And then the cold ocean air washed over him. And then the hurt was gone. Ren felt...not quite calm. Serene, but still tense. Weird how that worked.
And now he was sitting on the train back to Yongen-Jaya. Morgana had settled back into his bag and promptly passed out. Ann, Makoto and Ryuji had taken their leave already, each giving a quick hug – or in Ryuji's case, a kiss on the forehead – before vanishing into the night. It was just him sitting next to Haru, Futaba hugging his other arm so tight it was a miracle he still had circulation in the limb – Kasumi's stop had come and gone, and the girl had gone from clinging onto her crush to clinging onto her brother without missing a beat. Maybe she was asleep too, he couldn't tell. Yusuke for one was still awake on the other side of the walkway, but he looked like he was a second away from passing out right then and there.
"This will be easier tomorrow," Haru said. "That's what people usually say at times like these, I think."
"Time heals all wounds, right?" he said. Ren wasn't even sure how he managed the words, let alone their steady tenor.
"But it doesn't." Haru sighed. "Not all of them. Not alone."
He nodded, opening his hand for her, turning it palm-up against his leg. An offer, almost. Without a single word. "It eases it. It's eased mine, at least."
"Ease," she echoed. And Haru took his hand, slipping her fingers between his. "I have had time. More than enough to ease those aches, and yet they have not eased. But this is the first instance where...that time actually matters, I think. Now that I have somewhere safe to spend it." A smile ghosted across her lips. "And people I trust, to spend it with."
"You don't have to heal right away," Ren said. "Your dad's heart is still gonna take some time to change. And...I mean, I'm patient. We all are." He laughed, and he wasn't sure why. "I've been a Thief since before the Thieves were a thing, and I'm still not over the shit I got put through."
"I know," she said. "And I promise, I am patient too. But it is...difficult to show that same patience to myself."
"Same here," he mumbled. "My therapist told me that we're all our own worst critics. I think that fits here." His head bumped gently against hers – he didn't even remember leaning over, but here he was, shoulder to shoulder. "Uh. Is this okay?"
"Very," Haru laughed. "Thank you for asking. And thank you for being patient with me. It helps, I think, to know that it is only myself who wishes me to hurry."
Ren smiled. And it felt so very real, so honest, so...him. "Of course. Wouldn't dream of rushing you. And it means a lot that I can help, even just a little. You're really important to me, Haru."
"As are you to me," she said, smiling with every word.
And they were quiet together, the rumbling of the train beneath them both.
"Ren?"
"Hm?"
"I love you."
Something fluttered inside him. Like his ribcage was weightless, for a brief instant. And he squeezed her hand. "I love you too."
█████
Afternoon
Mementos
The Witch was where she said she would be, standing in the center of the platform at the lowest floor of Adyeshach. Despite the near-red light flooding this section, her cloak was still a vivid grey, billowing around her as if it was trying to swallow her whole. Her head was bent, the hood covering her face completely.
"Hello, Joker." Her voice echoed here. Larger than she seemed. Weaker than he knew her to be.
He could hear his teammates behind him on the escalator, the sharp breaths and audial tension spreading throughout the Thieves as they finally caught sight of their shared benefactor.
"Oxymoron," he said, simply.
She raised her head, those sharp yellow eyes the only feature he could make out. "And the traitor makes eight. That's every Thief accounted for, then." He could have winced at her words if the wound they pressed into hadn't numbed ten times over by now.
"Fuck you," the boy in the black mask said. Almost too casual to be insulting.
"Under ordinary circumstances," the Witch continued, paying the boy no mind. "I would never reveal myself like this. There is too much at stake to risk contaminating your efforts." She tilted her head, as if her gaze had wandered off towards the walls of Mementos, perhaps tracing the fractals flickering through the air of this place. "Your leader has convinced me otherwise."
"I'm not their leader," the Trickster said, immediately. "Not right now." A hand on his arm, and he resisted the urge to shrug it off. With a frustrated breath, he gestured to the woman. "She's all yours, guys. Good look getting anything helpful out of her."
"You know me too well," the Witch said. It was almost a laugh behind her words. Something probably mocking. Or maybe just another inside joke only she knew the punchline to.
There seemed to be a lot of those, when it came to her.
█████
Evening
Inkoshira Park
For the second time in a day, the Witch was already standing at their meeting point by the time he arrived. Always waiting for the Trickster, never the other way around. There was probably something poetic there he wasn't smart enough to pick up on.
The setting sun was dappled behind her, amber rays casting off pondwater. His companion's blonde hair caught the sun, luminant from all directions. Like that flame that had once danced across her fingers, burning bright and vivid and passionate. But her eyes were still as cold as they had ever been, every single time he'd seen her since that day on the roof of Shujin. Every single time since the instant she'd left the Thieves.
"So," the young woman not currently in the cat mask said. "You're Oxymoron, huh? The time traveller?"
"As you are ██ █████," the Witch replied. "The once-Thief."
The young woman didn't blink. "You're the reason he," the word pointed like a dagger right towards the Trickster, "lost his shit. You're the reason he had to lie to everyone."
"In a sense." He could almost hear the smile in her voice. "Though it should be noted, at no point did I ask him to lie."
"Bite me," he said, before he could stop himself. A well-earned glare from the young woman not currently in the cat mask, and the Trickster shoved his hands in his pockets. Right. This wasn't about him. He needed to remember that.
The young woman turned back to the Witch. "You dumped this all on him. ████ showed me the parcel stuff, it's all cryptic bullshit. I mean...anyone would have shut down under that, right?" She reached up to fiddle with her ponytails, no doubt just looking for something to do with her hands. "I'm not saying I forgive him. But what happened...you put that pressure on him." She pursed her lips. "So I want a reason. I want you to tell me why."
"I have seen this world through dozens of iterations." The Witch's voice was plain, emotionless. Neither prideful nor apologetic. Empty. "The same year, a hundredfold, each one different. And the permutations of your efforts have resulted in many quite unlikely circumstances." Her eyes were as steady as her voice. They seemed almost too tired for anything beyond sight. "There have been iterations where I have told you all the truth from the beginning. There have been iterations where I have lied to you. Some, I am your enemy. Others, I am your friend. And in one, Miss █████, you trusted me enough to consider me your confidant."
"Bullshit," she said, instantly.
"You're a smart young woman," the Witch said, quietly. With the infinite calmness of a slow and unshakable heat death. "Consider then: if ████ had never lied to you, you would have no reason to depart the Phantom Thieves. If I had assisted you in that first Palace, if I had provided you answers and comfort and hope, then you would have no reason to hate me." And those cold eyes turned towards the Trickster. "And your leader's lack of confidence would have lead to him throwing his life away in your final Palace, rather than risk losing any of you."
His breath fell away.
The Witch looked back at the young woman, whose hands were white-knuckle clenched by her sides. "I have held back answers because it pushes you to look for them, and to strengthen yourselves enough to change those answers should you be unsatisfied with them. I have hidden myself so you are forced to learn how to save each other and yourselves. I have given my gifts to him and him alone because that first hurdle of trust is the lynchpin at which the Phantom Thieves succeed or fail. " A haunting chuckle escaped her. "Though there are always exceptions. After all, this iteration's Thieves have persisted quite far despite your absence."
The young woman lunged. A surge of motion, her hand up in a fist aimed right for the Witch's cloaked face, and–
–reality skipped. The young woman not currently in the cat mask stumbled, swinging through the empty air the Witch had occupied a second earlier.
"Don't worry," her voice rang out from behind them. The Trickster spun around, his heart nearly beating out of his chest, seeing the woman standing there as if nothing had happened. "Should this iteration fail as well, I will not take that infight as a point of success worthy of future emulation. You are one of the founding members of the Phantom Thieves."
"How the fuck can you talk about it like that!?" the young woman spat. "Like our lives, all we've gone through...like all of this is just some big fucking game to you!"
The Witch was silent. An empty pause, tension spread as thin as a blade. "To the contrary, Miss █████. This is more important to me than you could possibly imagine. Your success is everything to me. Why do you think I have spent the last hundred years watching you suffer and fail and die?"
A little rumble of anger like a distant storm. "What I do, I do so that you may live. So that the people who give your life meaning may draw breath. So that some iteration of their..." She trailed off. An odd hesitation. Not her earlier patient caution, more like she had caught herself off guard. "But of course, you would never see it as that. You are young, and lies have only been as sharp to you as the razor you keep in your makeup bag."
The young woman winced. "Fuck you. Stop...stop doing that. Stop acting like you know me."
A breath. Almost a sigh. "On the afternoon of April the 12th of this year, the door to Shujin Academy's roof was locked. You attempted to unlock it, but it did not open." The 12th? Was that...no, that was the day █████ awakened to his Persona. It wasn't...it wasn't that day.
Even so, all the color drained from the young woman's face. "You..." She took a step backwards, like that random comment had somehow struck some devastating chord. Like a song only she could hear. "I never told ███ that. I never told anyone that. How do you..."
"As I said before." The Witch's eyes seemed to gleam. "This year has played out in very many quite unusual ways. And in one of those iterations, you asked me to ensure that the door would always remain locked. It is a special day, after all. One that must occur very particularly to ensure the Thieves' success."
The young woman not currently in the cat mask shook her head, wincing as if the assertion had caused her physical pain. "That's...I wouldn't..." The Trickster reached a hand out, almost instinctively, and she recoiled from it. "Don't fucking touch me."
"Sorry," he mumbled. This wasn't about him. She didn't trust him. They weren't friends.
"I know what I ask of you," the Witch continued. "Thief and former Thief alike. I ask of you to fight for your world, even as it has been destroyed many times before. I ask of you to trust me, even as I very well may be lying to you as I ask it." She turned, staring out over the pond, watching the sunset. And for an instant, he could almost see her face, the sunbeams against her pale chin, before her hood blocked the view. "And I am asking of you to live long enough to see the end of the world, regardless of your opinion on the matter."
"How?" The word left him unbidden. "How are you expecting us to just...do that?" He could feel the young woman's eyes on him. He could almost hear that awful mix of concern and frustration in her gaze. Like she was caught between her own anger, and the bond between them that she hadn't been able to let go of. Or maybe that was all just him, all his own head and his own hope and his own stupid clinginess.
"You find what allows you to endure it," the Witch said. "And you allow yourself to continue dreaming of the day in which you no longer have to endure." She turned back to him, and the setting sun illuminated her melancholy smile. "Never wake up, dear Trickster."
And Ren woke up.
10/11 – Tuesday
After School
Takemi Medical Clinic
Mitsuru
Ren,
To answer your message, the Phantom Thieves – yourself included – are all welcome to visit the Kirijo Building at any point. I appreciate your caution, but see no issue with your continued presence within our headquarters. If you wish, I would be happy to issue you each an intern pass, to ensure you are not accosted in the case I happen to be too busy to escort you. But our earlier agreement still stands, and the Thieves may continue acting with complete autonomy regardless of our newfound arrangement. If you have any more questions, do not hesitate to text me. I will answer all of them at my earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
Mitsuru Kirijo
"It's in poor manners to be on your phone during a doctor's appointment," Takemi chastised, smirking over her shoulder at him before returning to her brick of a computer.
"Sorry. Important Thief stuff, I'll be done in a sec." Ren took another glance over the email-length text just to make sure he hadn't missed anything, and then quickly typed out a reply.
Ren
Intern passes would be great
I could pick them up when they're ready and pass them out to everyone
Thank you for your hospitality
I'll be around in an hour or so, just finishing up a doctor's appointment
And Kasumi told me she'd be on her way soon too
He pocketed his phone, letting the woman take her time to compose whatever bizarrely long message she wanted to. "Okay, done. Sorry again."
"It's your appointment," she said with a shrug. "However you choose to spend it is up to you." Takemi spun her chair around, one leg crossed over the other, her clipboard in her lap. "But I'm curious. What's so important that you needed to meet a day early to talk to me about?"
Ren shrugged, reaching into his bag's hidden pocket for the scrap of paper from inside the parcel watch. "It's not that time sensitive, I'm just gonna be crazy busy tomorrow. So better to do this today." And he handed over the paper. "I got this from someone else who has future knowledge. She didn't tell me what it is, so I was hoping you could."
Takemi took the note with a raised eyebrow, holding it between two pinched fingers as she leaned over to reach into her desk drawer, extracting a small handheld monoscope. Scope up to her eye, she silently skimmed over the tiny text. And her expression quickly morphed from curious to confused, and then past that to something he could only describe as mortified.
"Ren," she said, slowly, shakier than he had ever heard from her. Something that was neither fear nor rage bubbling through her breath. "Could you please tell me why your...oracle is requesting a chemical cocktail – which I'm guessing is meant to be administered to some poor bastard – that includes bemegride, diphenhydramine and fucking morphine?"
He resisted the urge to correct that it wasn't Oracle who had requested it, the snarky inside joke would be utterly lost on the woman. "I don't know what any of those things are. Besides the morphine, I mean, I know that's a painkiller. And I don't know what it's for, I just know it's something important enough to send me." He shrugged. "Not all of the stuff she's given has been helpful, I'm just trying to cover all my bases here."
"Hm," Takemi replied, letting out a long grumble. "I don't know exactly what this is supposed to be treating. And this is all some fairly intense medication, nothing over-the-counter besides the diphenhydramine, I think." Almost as an afterthought. "It's an allergy treatment. Also helps nausea, so it's probably just here to help counteract the bemegride, since that causes very intense nausea in most patients. And the bemegride itself is a stimulant..." A dry little laugh. "But maybe this is some sort of insanely counterintuitive overdose-remedy."
Ren blinked. "What do you mean?"
Takemi gestured loosely at the note, holding it at a slight distance as if the paper itself was somehow distasteful to her. "Bemegride is used sometimes to help treat barbiturate overdose, generally prescribed during emergencies where slower, safer treatment plans can't be used. But this note calls for the use of an extended-release injection. Which is insanely backwards logic!"
She shook her head, laughing again. "Under what circumstance would a patient need to mitigate specific effects of potentially dangerous substances over the course of...days, maybe? And to do so without any further treatments, or maybe just continuing to expose themselves to those substances? There's no way I would ever prescribe that."
Ren reached up to spin a strand of hair around one finger. The only word that came to mind was...niche. This wasn't just some performance enhancer, or panacea for Metaversal use. It was something precise, something with the intent of fixing one exact problem, something–
The metal chair was frigid, and he could feel the air around him nipping at his fingers, but his chest was a melody of buzzing warmth. The Trickster pressed a hand against the bruise on his stomach, and winced impulsively, but it did not pain him.
Ren's breath felt far too warm against his now cold throat. "You said barbiturate overdose, right?" The doctor nodded. He swallowed. "Do the police have access to any barbiturates that you know of? Like, for when..." He couldn't say it. It was so easy, but something caught the words before they left him.
Takemi froze. Without a word, she raised her gaze from the note, looking at him with the most horrifying recognition gleaming in her irises.
"Ren..." Morgana whined from within his bag. He could feel the cat's tension through the cloth.
"Sodium thiopental." The words sprung from her tongue with all the eloquence of a carefully placed dagger. "Commonly misidentified as a truth serum. Abused by police departments and military in order to place subjects into a susceptible state where a confession can be forced out of them." She leaned back in her chair, a shaky breath escaping her. "This isn't a long-term overdose remedy. It's a long-term anti-barbiturate." Takemi shuddered. "And the painkiller..." She stared at Ren. She stared through him. "What the fuck is this woman asking of you?"
"I don't know," he said. "But it might..." Ren took a breath. "It might not be something she's asking of me. It might be something unavoidable, something she can't stop. Maybe I don't have a choice. Or maybe I do, I don't know." An exhalation, almost a laugh. "I'm still piecing this all together. But if it's something I need to do, whatever it is, for whatever reason?" And he nodded to the note. "I'd rather not be drugged out of my mind, or too hurt to talk, or whatever."
Takemi glanced towards it as well, like she only now remembered the thing existed. She swiveled slightly, placing the paper gingerly on her desk. "I can synthesize it," she said, slowly, carefully. "But I'd like your word on something, Ren. I want you to promise me that you won't rush into this. When you need this – if you need this...I am going to need to trust that it is the only option. Because this," she pressed her finger into the note, crumpling it slightly, "is going to be putting a potentially lethal strain on your entire body. You're young, and you can probably bounce back. But even if there isn't a single complication to your health, you're going to be putting yourself through physiological hell. So I want you to promise me that you will consider every other option at your disposal."
Easy. It was so easy. Like hell he wanted to take some untested crazy drug, let alone waltz into custody again. But there was something inside him that tore at that ease. Dread layered on dread. The impeccable, awful tension of inevitability. And it made the words feel like choking hazards. Ren took a deep breath in, and let a deep breath out. "I promise," he said. "I promise, I don't want to go back there." His right hand found his left wrist. "I never want to go back there."
Ann
Wait so Oxymoron wants you to get fucking ARRESTED again?
Ren
"Wants" is sort of a strong assumption here
But it's a possibility
Pretty sure that's something that happened to Anachronism
And it's seeming like she either wants it to happen to me or wants me to be prepared for it
Like she thinks it has to happen to me or something
Ryuji
fuck that
fuuuuuuck that
like HELL i'm about to let that happen
Ann
It's not GOING to happen. We're not going to let it.
Yusuke
I'm with Ryuji on this. Under no circumstances should we ever allow that sort of compromise on your safety Ren. Not only as our leader but as our friend.
Oh and Ann as well. I am also with her on this.
Haru
You're very agreeable, Yusuke. (✿◡‿◡)
But I wouldn't offer my dissent either.
Ren, dear. You are not going back to jail.
I know you probably know that, but I will say it anyway.
As many times as you need to hear it.
That part of your life is done. And you will never go back to it.
Ren
Thanks Haru
That's really sweet of you, holy shit
I mean, I wasn't planning on getting arrested or anything, I promise
And I wouldn't want you guys to risk yourselves just to protect me
Ryuji
ok i'm calling double standard, dude
because everybody knows you'd risk your ass in a heartbeat to keep any of us safe
Ren
Hahaha okay, okay, fair
I totally would
I guess it's just something to know for the future
Fingers crossed it'll just be something we can avoid
Makoto
If we get 2 my sis 1st, maybe she can help.
U said she was intrrgtng you in Anach. dream right?
Ren
Uh
What's that one word in the middle of the first sentence?
Makoto
Interrogating.
Ren
Oh
Yeah, that
Futaba
Bdjfgbjhd SERIOUSLY?
Makie how the heck were you ever Shujin Prez with typing THAT bad?
Makoto
Bc I'm good at other things obv.
Haru
Oh good morning Futaba! ヾ(≧▽≦)
Futaba
Uh, morning!
I've actually been awake for a while djfhbgj. I just couldn't check my phone or get out of bed or anything.
But yeah, g'morning!
Ren
I know that feeling
Any better now?
Futaba
I think so.
It's sorta weird? Cuz yesterday I kinda felt like I was still in shock, but now I'm like...
"Oh yeah that's all normal."
And it's not? It's fucking weird and fucked up and insane?
Akechi got brainwashed by his awful piece of shit dad into killing my mom and I almost died because of it and I don't know whether I want to hug the guy or beat the shit out of him!
Akechi.
Akechi's the guy in that. In case it wasn't clear.
Cuz I know where I stand on Shido.
Ren
"Having complicated and contradictory feelings towards someone who hurt you is one of the most normal and sane things that anyone could ever feel"
Naoto said that to him last night
And I think that might be something he'd say to you too
Well he said "abandoned" not "hurt" I think, but it still fits
Futaba
I um-
Uh-
Hmm-
Ann
I got this Taba.
Ren. That is really really nice of you and it's sweet and big brotherly and stuff.
But literally no one here knows Naoto besides you and I guess Kasumi.
So asking any of us to imagine what he'd say to us is kinda fucking weird.
Ren
Oh
Right
Duh, yeah
Futaba
Ddfbgjhdbj.
Still nice of you though.
Thank you for translating Ann, you're the best.
Ann
No prob, Toucan. 3
Futaba
Heehee...
Haru
Toucan? (⊙_⊙)
Makoto
It's a Phoenix Ranger thing.
Ryuji
SERIOUSLY HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT
Ren
Hahahaha
Futaba
Oh! Oh oh!
That reminds me!
Is Kasumi around? I wanna ask her something.
Kasumi
I'm here! :D
Sorry, crowded on the train, bard toy or.
*Hard to type. X|
I've been watt him the group chai though!
Um.
Ann
*Watching the group chat?
Kasumi
Yes! That!
Ryuji
girldude i think your autocorrect might be like trying to send a message or something
Haru
"I want some tea," perhaps? (* ̄▽ ̄*)
Futaba
Adfjdhfbjhbjhfb omg.
Kasumi
XD
What did you win to tell me Futaba?
*Want
Futaba
Oh! Uhhhhh.
I mean we can talk details and stuff later but since we finished the other show we were watching I was wondering if you maybe wanted to watch Phoenix Ranger sometime? No pressure.
Kasumi
Yes! :D
I would love to yes please!
Oh this is my stop I need to go now
Text you later!
Futaba
:D
Ryuji
a: cute
b: you guys finished the lesbian anime already? didn't you start it like two weeks ago?
Futaba
Ryuji Ryuji Ryuji.
Never underestimate the power of gay love and also me not having a social life so my schedule is literally always free.
Haru
Oh! I didn't know you and Kasumi were going steady!
Congratulations! (^∇^*)
Futaba
WAIT WHAT NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT
THE SHOW THE SHOW I MEANT THE SHOW IS GAY
Ryuji
LMAOOOOOO
Ren
You guys need to stop being so fucking funny I stg
There's this old guy on the train who keeps giving me the stink eye whenever I laugh
Yusuke
Phantoms! Our task is clear.
We must amuse our leader so much that he gets kicked off his train.
Who is with me!?
Ren
What the fuck Inari
Makoto
Yusuke don't u dare
Yusuke
Well, it was worth a shot.
Tons and tons of gratitude to Jane for beta-reading this chapter, and helping come up with the idea for the redacted scenes featured within. Also shoutouts to Left at London's Kudzu, which I listened to on repeat while writing this chapter, and a particular piece of Tumblr poetry that grabbed me between the shoulder blades and would not let go until I wrote SOMETHING surreally cathartic.
Reminder as well that if you're enjoying this story so far, I'd be very grateful if you take the time to leave a comment and share your thoughts. And for anyone who has continued to read this story, whether or not they give feedback, I'm very grateful that you've stuck with us and I can't wait to show you what we've got in store.
