CONTENT WARNING: The first section of this chapter contains references to self harm, sexual abuse of a minor, attempted suicide, homophobia and parental abuse. While not graphic, this content still may be difficult or upsetting to read, so please take breaks or skip sections as needed. Stay safe.
10/16 – Sunday
After School
Odaiba, Shadow Response Unit Headquarters
Neither Ann nor Akechi said a single word. Model regarding Prince from the door with a tense, careful expression. Prince regarding Model from his bed with a bitter, cautious gaze.
Ren cleared his throat from his spot near the table. "I could go get Naoto, if you're uncomfortable–"
And Akechi cut him off with a barking laugh. "He already offered as much, and I made it clear his presence here was unnecessary. Spare me having to decline a second time."
"Okay," Ren grumbled, doing his best to swallow his frustration. "Spared, I guess."
"How's Kasumi?" Ann asked, with an abruptness that almost made Ren flinch. Akechi, however, didn't so much as blink.
"She's your teammate," he said, with a serpentine dryness. "Shouldn't you know?" Hm. Teammate, not friend. None of that jealousy he so often leveled at Ren when it came to the girl.
Ann shrugged. "I know she's busy, and anxious. And she cares a lot about you. I'm wondering if you're concerned about her." She threw a little glance towards Ren, a little smile, then back to Akechi. "Cause, far as I've seen and heard? You two are about as close as me and Ren. And if Ren was hiding how much he was freaking out, I'd probably be one of the first people to notice." The statement could have hit him bitter, like she was talking over him or something, but it felt oddly...kind, instead.
"You're the reason he lost his shit. You're the reason he had to lie to everyone."
"You've been fucking impeccable at that," he added, finding a smile drifting to him through the haze of lingering memories. "Dunno if I could keep something like that from you if I tried."
"And you never try," she fired back with a little laugh.
Akechi's gaze focused somewhere in between the two of them. A long pause. "I'm not worried," he said, simply. "Kasumi knows what she wants, and will not budge from the path she requires to obtain it. Nor will she allow me to stray far from that path." He lowered his head slightly. As if bowing to an executioner's axe. "She is stronger than me. You don't need to worry about her."
"I'm not worried," Ann said. "But thank you. I appreciate it." A little sigh escaped her, and she leaned back against the door, crossing her arms. "I guess it's kinda funny. It's still hard to trust you at your word, but...when it comes to Kasumi?" Ann shrugged. "Feels like you wouldn't lie about her. I guess...lying's been your own defense, yeah? A way of keeping yourself safe?"
"As if honesty would grant me anything but a shallow grave," Akechi replied. Still staring at the ground, but a spark of irritation had set a tension across his posture. Hands stiff by his sides, fingers curling into the sheets. "Unless you've been spared the ugly details, I see no reason why you would expect someone in my position to value truth as anything other than a liability."
Ann's brow furrowed, glaring at the boy. "Do you really not know why it might piss me off to find out you've been lying to my best friend? You've looked into all the Thieves, right? You know our histories."
Akechi let out a little bitter chuckle. "I'm a detective, not a psychic. The only thing my investigations have told me about you, Ann Takamaki, is your cowardice." He sneered out the word. Ren watched Ann's fingers curl against her sleeves. That familiar flicker of fury in her blue eyes. "Niijima is far too logical for her own good, she wouldn't kill anyone she didn't have to. It would have been difficult for Kitagawa and Okumura to end the lives of their guardians. Kasumi required something that her parents could not deliver from their graves. And perhaps Sakamoto has let go of the wound to his pride that injury caused him."
An involuntary laugh slipped out of the Prince. "You should have been the exception to that rule. And you were not. You allowed Suguru Kamoshida to be spared, despite everything he has done to you. Despite the man deserving death ten times over, you spared him." Ren felt his own anger boiling up into his throat, threatening to spill out between his teeth. "And you expect me to consider you anything more than a coward for that decision? For granting mercy to the man who–"
"Shut up!" The shrill voice caught Ren off guard. Judging by Ann's flinch, her rapid blinking, it was just as surprising to her. Morgana wriggled his head out of Ren's bag and growled at Akechi, the scruff of his neck standing up. "Ann is the strongest girl I've ever met! You don't know how hard it was for her to stop herself from killing him!"
He glanced towards Ann, and Ren could see the twinkling of tears in his kitty eyes. "If Kamoshida died, all the rumors about Ann and Shiho and Ryuji would have gotten worse. Mishima never would have had any closure. And the Phantom Thieves wouldn't have kept changing hearts. Ann knew all that, that's why she made sure his heart was changed, and that he didn't have a mental shutdown."
And he turned back to Akechi, hackles still raised. "You have no right to call her a coward! She was angry and scared the whole time we fought him, but she still made the best decision for her and everyone she cared about! She's the bravest person in the whole world!"
Ren found his breath again, somehow. "The easiest choice isn't always wrong. But causing a mental shutdown was always the easy way out for us." He reached out, petting Morgana's head. The cat leaned into his touch, seeming to relax a little. "Letting an abuser live long enough to confess to their abuse isn't cowardly. You're not an idiot, you should know that." Ren focused his gaze on the boy, who refused to meet his eyes. "You're still just looking for ways to write us off, huh? To make it easy to ignore when we say something you don't want to hear."
"That's quite the assessment," Akechi said. Dry, but quiet. And not a denial.
Ann stared at the boy for a long few seconds. "Ren, Morgana? Thanks." She sent the two of them a warm smile. "You don't have to stand up for me or anything, but...I dunno. I'm glad you're both here." A long breath, and she reached up to fiddle with her ponytails. "They're right, though. Guessing you weren't spying on us when we fought Kamoshida. Cause I was about a second away from burning that fucking scumbag alive."
A little ember of anger drifting out of her mouth. "But you don't care about that, cause you don't care about Kamoshida, yeah? It's not about him. It's about you. Cause if sparing someone like him is cowardice, then you're the bravest fucking guy on the planet." She scoffed out a laugh. "Yeah, right. You're not a coward, Akechi. But killing people doesn't take courage. Just a good knife."
The final word sent a flinch into the detective. "I suppose I am quite acquainted with knives," he said. A dry little nothing, darker than the bags under his eyes. And Ren felt sick at the memory of Akechi's sleeves stained through with red. "But, for all your reaction to my assessment of you, you seem quite satisfied with your own reduction of me. I suppose it makes it easier for you to cope with your own decisions if the person who chose differently is just some scraggly, misguided cretin, doesn't it?" His tone sharpened for a moment, but something about that last breath seemed to drift off into nothing.
Ann didn't say anything to that, just kept silently adjusting her hair. Finally, she let her arms drop, staring at Akechi with an odd expression. Maybe pity. Or something kinder than it. "Yeah. You're not wrong there, I have been writing you off. Cause I fucking hate lying, and you're the biggest liar I've met this year. You care more about being right than telling the truth, and that pisses me off. I know you have your reasons, and we're different people, but it still makes me sick to think about. It's like...so fucking easy just to shove you in a box in my head and pretend that nothing you say is worth listening to." A long breath out. "I don't want to do that. Can't even say why, I guess. There's just something in me that isn't satisfied with calling you a liar and leaving you to rot."
"Do you wish me to praise you for that kindness?" Akechi asked. Perpetually dry, perpetually bitter.
Ann pushed off the door, straightening up. "It's not kindness. I just know what it's like to be a slave." The word sent another bolt of tension through the detective, and he wasn't the only one. It echoed across the inside of Ren's ribs, playing his heart like a xylophone. Every beat a fresh ache, a new symphony of sympathy. "I know what it's like to have to answer to an adult who just wants to use you for something." T
hose blue eyes flickered with distant flame. Not a bonfire. A hearth. "If there's anything I hate more than being lied to, it's being made to lie. And it's looking more and more like the guy who's been fucking with your head is the same kind of guy that assaulted me and my girlfriend. Kamoshida almost killed Shiho. He almost killed me." Her voice didn't waver. She never should have had to be that strong.
But she was. Fuck, she really was. "We're both alive because we're lucky. But I never want to watch anyone make that sort of gamble again, not even you. I couldn't pull Shiho off that roof, but mark my words: you march up those stairs, and I'm gonna drag you right the fuck back down. You can count on that."
Akechi didn't say a word. Nor did he look her way. The detective interlocked his fingers in his lap, digging his nails into his knuckles. "Didn't your parents ever teach you not to make promises you can't keep?" It was almost a protest. Almost a plea.
Ann laughed a little at that. "Sure. But they also taught me to hate myself, and be a good little straight girl." Another, oddly bitterless chuckle. "And I've got no plans on doing either of those things. Shiho loves me, and I'm gonna love me too. Best I can, anyways."
Akechi made a little hum under his breath. "Seems Morgana's faith in you wasn't misplaced. That's quite a brave thing to do." And maybe he was mocking, but he seemed...too tired to be bitter, maybe.
"I dunno bout that," Ann said, but she still grinned across the room at the detective. "It's just what feels right." She let out a little sigh, almost a note in a lovely song. "If I can be even a little bit of the person my girlfriend and Ren see in me? Fuck, I'll probably die happy."
"An admirable effort." Akechi smirked, raising his gaze slightly, finally. "Do you expect the same from me, then? To try and live up to the lofty expectations Kasumi has set for me?"
"Do you want to?" Ann asked, raising an eyebrow.
Akechi didn't respond. Blinking, ever so slightly, like he hadn't expected that reply. Not a word. The silence stretched for seconds.
Ren stood, stretching his arms over his head. "It's getting a little late. Ann, you wanna head back?"
"Yeah," she said, though her eyes were still locked on Akechi. "It's still a school night, so...can't stay too long." After another pause, Ann let out a sharp breath and turned back towards the door.
"Oh, Takamaki?" Akechi said. She stopped, turning back towards him. "Do tell me how well that rebellion goes, will you? I'm...curious, I suppose."
"Sure," Ann said, with a little smile. "You've just gotta promise me you'll stay alive long enough to hear it."
Akechi laughed at that. "And here I thought you disliked lies."
"You doing okay?" Ren asked. They'd made it onto the subway platform in silence. Still about five minutes till the train's typical arrival, but the flashing 'delayed' on the display above made it clear they'd be there for some unknown amount of time more. "Still thinking about Akechi, or–"
"Other stuff," Ann said. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. I guess, uh..." She took a breath in, almost wincing out a sigh. "Do you think I did okay? Like, I didn't fuck up or misstep in there or anything?"
Ren blinked. "Uh, you did fucking amazing, I think? Like, it's really hard to tell with Akechi sometimes. But, I mean, he complimented you, and the only other person I've seen him actually praise without being backhanded is Kasumi, so...I'm pretty sure you made a good impression."
She nodded. "Okay. Okay, that's good." Another long breath, and Ann fiddled with the zipper on her jacket. "I've just been really distracted today, and I didn't want that to affect you or him or anyone badly. So, good to know."
"What's on your mind?" Morgana asked, poking his little head out of his bag. "Is everything okay?"
Ann gave the cat a little smile, and then gazed off across the tracks. "It's embarrassing, honestly. I made a big decision recently, and I'm still...I'm still not really sure if I made the right choice."
Ren nodded. "I know that feeling pretty well. Uh, you don't have to talk about it in any detail, if you don't want to. You could always leave out the embarrassing parts. And, I mean, you don't have to tell me anything at all. I'm still here for you, if you need it."
"Thanks Ren," she said. And Ann was quiet a moment. Maybe hesitant. Maybe just thinking. "Makoto confessed to me last night. That she has a crush on me and stuff."
Ren blinked. "Holy shit." And he found himself grinning. "Congrats! I mean, that's fucking awesome. You two are amazing together, I know you'll–"
"I turned her down," Ann said, almost wincing out the words.
And Ren once again found himself tripping on his own surprise. "Sorry, uh...so you don't...do you not feel the same way, or...?"
"I do, though!" Ann blurted out, gesturing sharply at nothing. A few other teenagers on the platform with them gave her an odd look from a few benches down. "I really like her, Ren. Like, I like like her. A whole fucking lot, like...fuck, I wanna kiss her stupid handsome face." She sighed, scrunching up her shoulders almost to her ears. "But I can't date her. Not right now, not...I dunno."
"Okay," Ren said slowly. "So, why not? Is it cause of Shiho? Or, like, you don't wanna date two people?"
Ann shook her head. "I talked to Shiho about my crushes already, she gave me permission to smooch as many gals as I wanted to." A little chuckle. "And I don't mind dating both of them, like..." She waved her hands in comically exaggerated fashion. "Oh no, I'm dating a gorgeous jock and a handsome nerd at the same time, whatever will I do?"
Ren couldn't help but laugh. "So, okay, it's not that. Then what is it?"
Ann pursed her lips. She didn't respond right away, like she was gathering her thoughts, or her courage, or something. "I dunno if you've noticed, but Makoto's been...really fucking distracted. Like, stuck in her own head even more than she usually is, and..." An angry little scoff escaped her. "Ren I fucking held her hand for like ten minutes yesterday and it was like she barely even noticed!"
Ann's posture sank again, the young woman seeming to wilt inwards. "I know she likes me, and I like her too. But I can't...I can't drag my girlfriend around, trying to get her attention every day. I..." She swallowed, her words leaving her momentarily strained. "Whatever Makoto's been dealing with, or focusing on? It's more important to her than me. And I don't need to be her whole life, I don't want to be her whole life. But I just want to be...be a part of her life. And I can't do that if she's just pining at nothing every single time I see her."
"Right," Ren said. He reached up to twist a strand of hair between his fingers. "I've noticed that too, yeah. I kind of assumed it was just her sister and stuff. Like, after everything she told us, and now that we're planning to...you know."
"Change Sae's heart," Ann said. "Yeah. That makes sense." She let out a frustrated breath. "But it's not like we'd even know if it was something else. She's barely told us about anything she's dealing with. And we wouldn't have found out about Sae in the first place if it hadn't been for Akechi's letter."
"She told everyone that she was struggling last night," Morgana added, softly. "And it's really hard for her to ask for help. Or to admit to anyone that she might need it. She is trying though, it's just slow going."
Ann winced, and nodded. "I know that, I promise I do. And I don't wanna punish her for struggling, I just..." She trailed off, clearly trying to find the right words.
"You know your own needs," Ren finished. "You know what you're looking for in a partner, and you're not okay with your girlfriend keeping secrets like that from you."
"Yeah," Ann said, almost breathless. "Pretty much on the money there." She let the silence linger again, and Ren similarly wasn't sure what else to say. "I told her that. I mean, all of that. I guess, I kinda said that she needed to get her priorities in order. And when she did, then she could kiss me." A little, almost pained smile. Maybe there was longing in it, Ren couldn't quite tell. "But, I dunno. Maybe I fucked up. Maybe she won't, maybe this is...maybe I just broke her heart and I lost my shot and now we're never gonna be together."
"Or maybe it works out," Ren said. "I mean, I know it's scary, but...I think you did the right thing. Even if you love Makoto, if being with her makes you miserable? You shouldn't be with her. Not until you two are like...where you need to be for that to work. Or who you need to be, even." He forced a smile, even as sympathy demanded a frown. "I mean, hey, think about what Ryuji would have had to go through if we'd started dating back in May, when I was still dysphoric as shit and lashing out at everybody and freaking out about Anachronism's memories."
That got a little chuckle from her. "Yeah. You'd probably have driven him up the fucking wall." Ann was quiet for a moment. "I almost wanna take it back. Tell her I changed my mind, or that I was wrong, or whatever." She closed her eyes, brow furrowed. "I don't wanna lose her, Ren. I care a whole lot about her, and I just don't wanna lose her."
"I know," he said, as soft as he could manage. "She cares about you too, Ann. Even through all that shit, whatever she's going through. She really loves you." He reached out and gently wrapped an arm around Ann's shoulders, pulling her into a sideways hug. "You won't lose her. And if she starts dragging her feet or pouting or whatever? I promise you: strongly worded letter. Gotta get to the beaurocrat in her somehow."
Ann laughed again, and the sound obscured something like a sob. "Picking favorites again, dear leader?" She leaned into him. "Thanks, though. You're a good friend."
"I try," Ren said. "I really try."
10/16 – Sunday
Evening
Cafe Leblanc, Attic
"So, uh," Ren began. He had his legs off the side of his bed, and he felt the giddy childish urge to start kicking them idly. Not that it would work, he'd just end up dragging his feet across the floor. "You guys had fun and stuff?"
"We did," Haru laughed. He could almost imagine her warm smile through the phone, and the thought made him smile too. "Ryuji is an absolute delight to be around. I can see why you like him so much." She hummed something under her breath, like a couple notes to a silent song. "The two of us just...ended up talking for hours. I don't even remember when I fell asleep, but it must have been quite early, considering I didn't wake up until noon."
"Woah, no kidding." He found a little laugh of his own. "What'd you even talk about?"
"You," she said simply, and Ren almost choked on his own saliva. "Not exclusively, of course. I told him about some of the theater performances I'd been in, and about my father's friend who babysat me quite often – she was a very interesting woman, you see – and he told me about his former favorite ramen place, and so many little details about the early Thieves' escapades." Another little giggle. "And of course, we exchanged more than a few stories about you. Ryuji had more to tell, but he seemed very entertained by mine." She must have heard Ren's wince through the phone, since she continued near-immediately. "In fact, he told me he thought you sounded very sweet in them."
He laughed again. "No way. Ryuji said that?"
"The one and only," she replied. "Why? You don't take your boyfriend as a romantic?"
"I guess not." Ren just shrugged, resting his weight on one hand. "I mean, this is the guy who calls his boyfriend 'bro,' remember?"
Haru burst out laughing at that. "How could I forget?"
"Okay, okay," Ren chuckled. "Did you guys do anything else, or just chat the whole time?"
She hummed out another thought. "Mostly chat. Though his mother did make breakfast for both of us! Or, lunch, technically. But I'm fairly certain matzah brei is a breakfast food."
"Sorry, say that again?"
"Matzah brei? Have you never had it?"
He shook his head. Then, remembering it was a phone conversation, Ren, you dumbass, he clarified. "Uh, no. Never even heard of it."
"It's quite delicious! Similar to French Toast, I suppose, but quite a lot lighter. We should make it together sometime." He could hear the rustling of papers in the background. "Miss Sakamoto even gave me a basic recipe."
Ren breathed out a laugh. "Holy shit, she's picking favorites! Last time I went, she told me I had to marry Ryuji before she'd give me a recipe."
"She did not!" Haru laughed, a little incredulous sound.
"I swear, she did." He leaned back until he flopped all his weight onto the bed. Morgana gave him a tiny glare from the end of the mattress, but didn't protest. "Ask Ryuji, he'll corroborate."
"It's alright," she said, another little giggle beneath her words. "I trust you." Three little syllables that knocked an absurdly wondrous ache into that hollow space between his chest, like the cosmos had settled in his guts.
"I trust you too," he said, before he could catch the words. He wasn't ashamed of them, but it still felt embarrassing to say them aloud, for some reason. "Like, more than pretty much anyone. You, Ryuji, Futaba, Morgana, Ann. You're all like...the most important people in my life right now. I mean, all the Thieves are, but you five especially. I trust you with anything." He reached out a blind hand and ruffled his cat's fur. "Or, I guess, everything."
"Where's this coming from?" she asked. He could hear the softest smile in her voice.
"I dunno," Ren said, shrugging into the comforter. "Just...felt like the right time to say it, I guess." He swallowed, finding a little wriggling doubt crawling up into his throat. "Could I ask something kinda dumb?"
"Always," Haru said.
"What you said to your dad's Shadow, about being a monster." He almost winced at his own words, but pushed through. "Do you think that about yourself? That you're, like, lying to us? Or that we're lying to ourselves about you?"
Haru didn't respond right away. If it hadn't been for the quiet sound of her steady breathing, Ren probably would have fallen over himself to apologize. "Sometimes I do. Or...perhaps, it is less that I feel it must be true, and more as though I am concerned it might be. In that case, fear would beckon me to prepare for the worst, to sever those ties in order to protect you all from me. From what I am capable of." She was calm, and so quiet he could barely hear her words. "At those times, I would consider my continued proximity to the Thieves to be selfishness. I know you would never see that in me, though."
"I wouldn't," he confirmed. "Cause it's...it's not selfish to stay around the people who care about you, Haru. It's fucking brave, honestly. Cause..." Ren did his best to swallow the steadily rising ache spiraling its way up his chest. "I mean, it's not the same, but I know I've been like...fucking petrified, sometimes, just thinking about all the people in my life who are close enough to see parts of me that I...I really don't want anyone to see yet. Maybe ever. And sometimes, I just want to find a nice dark corner to curl up in where no one gets to see me at all."
"I see," she said. So soft, so low. Like an echoed sadness. Some shared grief between them both. "It seems like we're both quite terrified by the concept of intimacy, aren't we?"
"Looks that way," he said. Ren was smiling, oddly, even though he felt sort of like crying. "Maybe it's good that we found each other, then? Like partners in...crappy mental bullshit."
Haru giggled. A little more muted than usual, but still just as lovely. "I'd say it's so very wonderful we found each other. More than just for that." She sighed into the receiver, and the sound was like a song compressed into a single breath. "Meeting you has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And I think it may be a few millennia before I stop being thankful for it."
Ren couldn't think of a single word to say to that. So, in lieu of anything even remotely clever or sweet or important, he simply replied: "ditto."
10/17 – Monday
After School
Odaiba, Shadow Response Unit Headquarters
Akechi took one look at the chessboard Makoto had placed on the table and burst into shrill, awful laughter. "You've come all this way here for a game of chess?" He half-grinned half-smirked at the young woman, whose expression remained completely stoic. "Shujin must really be shitting the bed if their Student Council President has enough free time to play games with a lunatic."
"I'm not the President anymore," Makoto said, simply. "Besides which, I'm really not feeling in much of a talking mood." She sat down a little too abruptly, sending her chair nearly an inch across the ground with an awful screech that made both Ren and Akechi jump. "I'd much rather focus my efforts on something more concrete. Something where you're much less likely to just lie to me or fuck around to try and get a rise out of me." Ren couldn't help but swallow slightly. Unfortunately, he was pretty sure he knew where Makoto's intensity was coming from. And she was handling those feelings pretty gracefully, considering, but it was still an awful thing to see.
"Seems you and Takamaki both despise mistruths," Akechi said, turning his attention to his fingernails in an exaggerated display of disdain. "Or perhaps that's simply a common bane for you Thieves. Quite an ironic thing, considering you have all enforced a great deal of secrecy regarding your own actions as Thieves."
Ren had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from taking that obvious bait, but Makoto didn't seem phased in the slightest. She simply pulled the small black baggie of chess pieces from her bag and began to align them across the board. "White or black?" she asked.
Akechi hesitated. A little irritation crossed his face, perhaps that neither of them had responded in the way he'd wanted to. "Black," he said, sliding into the chair across from hers, gaze flicking towards Ren with a smug little smile. "Different foes require different strategies, after all."
"Sure," Ren said, having no other fucking idea how to safely respond to that.
"Is white your preference then?" Makoto asked. Her eyes were still on the chess board, but her focus seemed sharper somehow, more pointed. "I don't want to assume, but that would be my guess."
Akechi raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why would that be, pray tell?"
"You don't seem like the type to feel comfortable dropping hints to the person you are behind your masks," she said. A little flicker of cold between her words. "And black is the color of the outfit I saw you in first. In Kaneshiro's Palace, when you used your...Loki, right?"
The corner of Akechi's eye twitched ever so slightly. "Yes," he said, stretching the word out into a slow, bitter hum. "I've found Loki's power will often wane when I attempt to use him in my brighter garb. He seems to...perhaps, prefer my black mask." He smirked for a fraction of a second. Like an involuntary little flinch pulling back the corner of his mouth. "I can't say I disagree with his taste."
Makoto nodded. "You prefer the outfit you wear when you murder people, then?" Ren flinched at the words, and he saw a similar tension settle into Akechi's posture. Her question might have been absurdly pointed, but Makoto's tone was steady. Almost as if she was honestly curious.
"Quite a leap to conclusions for a girl who values logic," Akechi said, low and sharp.
Makoto laughed. Odd and resonant. "I do value logic, you've got me there. But I'm sure as hell not a girl." Before anyone present could process that statement, she finished setting up the pieces and snapped her rightmost knight forward and to the left. "Your move."
Akechi was silent for a long few seconds. "So it is," he said, simply.
Makoto had adamantly refused to respond to Ren's multiple attempts to engage her in conversation, and his eyes had started to cross at the speed and precision with which she and Akechi made their moves. So, he'd excused himself – not that either of them seemed to care – and headed up to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. The cafeteria itself was mostly empty, still a few hours till dinnertime, but there was a young man standing against the wall right next to the coffee machine.
Yu Narukami gave Ren a big dorky smile as he approached. "Yo! Ren, good to see you." And he jerked his head towards the coffee machine. "You want me to pour you a cup?"
"Yes please," Ren replied, returning Yu's smile with one of his own. "Are you just like...standing here handing out coffee to anyone who comes by or something?" He was struck with the sudden memory of the first time the two of them had met. Ren had served him coffee then, and now their roles were reversed.
Yu burst out laughing, grabbing a styrofoam cup off the nearby stack and turning to the machine. "Nah, nothing like that. You're a special occasion, Ren my friend. I just needed some fresh air, and the smell of coffee beans sounded good to me."
Ren nodded, watching the young man work. "I can relate."
"Oh?" The coffee machine started to buzz and hum as it heated up, Yu throwing a glance towards Ren. "Everything going okay with our...uh, friend down below?"
"I think so," Ren said, resisting the urge to criticize Yu's tone. "Makoto challenged him to chess and they seem pretty focused on that."
"That's good," Yu said, clearly relieved by the news. "But you still needed some space?"
Ren simply shrugged. "I mean, they're really focused on chess. Kinda intense, honestly. So it didn't really make sense for me to stick around and get in the way."
"Ah, I see." Yu nodded sagely. "For me, it's pretty similar, I mean–" He cut himself off as the machine started to pour into the styrofoam cup, hissing loudly as it did. Yu raised his voice and continued. "These meetings, you know? It's been kinda nonstop just talking about Akechi, and how we wanna proceed, and what we can do about Shido. And Naoto doesn't even show up anymore, he's too busy actually taking care of the guy, keeping an eye on him and shit. But since I don't have any strong opinions either way..." The coffee machine slowly dripped to a stop, and Yu lowered his tone back to his normal volume again. "Then I'm basically just there to remind everyone what Naoto thinks. A parrot could do my job." He held the cup under the spigot for a few seconds, letting the last drips fall in, and then handed it to Ren.
"Thanks," Ren said, simply holding the cup with both hands and letting the warmth spread up his arms. "You guys aren't any closer to consensus, then?"
Yu just shrugged. "We keep finding new angles to talk about, so Mitsuru won't call for a final vote or anything. Plus, she might be stalling a little, so you guys can get the time you need to maybe...I dunno, change his mind or something?"
A little spark of fury curled around his tongue. "Do you think she wants us to change his mind?"
"No, probably not," Yu said, and that caught Ren slightly off guard. "I mean, I know she's got issues with Akechi's plan, no way she'd ever be comfortable signing off on letting a kid risk his life like that. Hell, he's about the same age as Ken, and she treats that guy like he's her beloved baby brother."
He sighed, leaning back against a nearby pillar. "Her job would be a lot easier if Akechi changed his mind and went for something safer. But I don't think she actually wants that, necessarily. It's more like she's playing devil's advocate, waiting until something changes so she doesn't have to gamble on his life. And no one else seems like they want to press the issue, so we just keep spinning our wheels in circles."
Ren took that all in, sipping at his coffee. It was bitter and watery. Still drinkable, but Sojiro definitely would have hated it. "It's sort of weird to hear about that. I mean, I saw it firsthand and all, but...you guys are working on a majority rule, not even unanimity. But I don't think the Thieves have ever debated about anything as long as you guys have about Akechi." He paused his next response behind another long sip. "Maybe it's like...you defer to each other a lot less? I mean, you're deferring to Naoto, but it didn't seem like anyone was comfortable with, like, not making sure everyone knew where they stood."
"You guys are tighter knit than we are, sure," Yu replied, with a little smirk. "But I think you're underestimating just how much hearing 'this self-destructive minor wants to go on a suicide mission' trips everyone's anxiety." He let out a long sigh. "There's a whole lot at stake, Ren. You know that, I know that. Nobody wants to be the person who pushes things along and fucks up and gets someone killed. You walk in there and talk about how a bunch of good kids might die if we're not careful, and you bet your ass Mitsuru is gonna make sure we cover every fucking angle we can think of."
"Oh," he said, quietly. Trying and probably failing not to let his frustration show. Right. Of course they still thought of the Thieves like kids. "Gonna be honest, it's hard not to take that personally. You're kinda making it sound like we're liabilities."
Yu winced. "Shit, that's fair. Sorry, that's not my intention. We all know you guys can handle your shit, you're not incompetent, we know that." He gave Ren a wide, honest smile. "It's just we've all kinda been where you are right now, Ren. I was like 16 when shit hit the fan in Inaba, and I was just going around every day praying that I wouldn't recognize the next corpse that showed up. Not even that no one else would die, just that the next person wouldn't be someone I knew."
He shuddered, slightly, and Ren felt the same tremor work its way down every vertebrae in his spine. "Just because we got through it doesn't mean we were all hunky dory by the end. I still have to call every one of my friends if I don't see them for a couple days, just in case. And fuck, Naoto barely even–" He cut himself off. "But that's his story to tell, not mine. All I can say is that we're doing our damnedest to make sure none of you guys have to go through that sort of hell. Cause, far as we've all seen? You've all already been through enough bullshit."
"Thanks," Ren said. "I mean...thank you for telling me." It was still hard not to be irritated at the guy, but that anger felt a little less important now. A little more distant, and pointless.
"Course," Yu said. A soft little grin on the young man's face as he pushed off the pillar. "I mean, I told you when we first met, right? Fools like us have to stick together."
"Yet, where the Fool should rest in your heart...there is nothing. An Arcana excised from you."
Ren barely heard Yu's footsteps as he passed him by with a pat on the shoulder. Memories swam behind his eyes, the twinge of that familiar dreamlike taste. Something from Anachronism that wanted to squirm up across his vision. He pushed it away. It wasn't the right time for that. Ren turned to face Yu, who was already nearly out of the cafeteria. "By the way, Margaret says hi!"
"What!?" Yu whirled back around towards him mid-step, and Ren got a single good glance at the young man's shocked expression before he tripped over his own feet. Arms out to either side, flailing at nothing, and then he fell backwards in an almost graceful display of clumsiness. It wasn't more than a second before he was sprawled out on his back across the linoleum floor. "Ow?" he said. It almost sounded like an honest question.
"Uh," Ren said, blinking at him, too surprised to move. "Um, fuck! Are you okay!?"
Yu's head snapped upwards from his spot on the ground and he stared at Ren with the most incredulous, comically pissed-off expression he'd seen in his life. "Sorry, 'hi!?' I haven't seen or heard from Margaret in four fucking years, and she says hi!?"
"Yes?" Ren replied, utterly lost for any other response.
"Oh," Yu said. "Yeah, fuck, okay. Sure. Tell her I said hi back." And with that, he simply lowered his head, the back of his skull clonking into the floor. "Also it would be nice if she could return my calls. Or, like, buy a fucking phone in the first place."
Ren did his best to stifle a laugh. "I'll let her know, I guess."
Without a word, Yu raised an arm in a thumbs-up, before letting the limb drop back down. "I think I live here now. Tell my boyfriend I'm leaving him for the fucking floor."
This time, Ren couldn't hold back his laughter. And it felt like something else left him between those breathless giggles. Something heavy he hadn't realized he'd been holding onto, like a breath he'd forgotten to take. And it left him feeling oddly light, snickering to himself in the middle of the cafeteria. It was nice. It was really, really nice.
Jane has helped a whole lot with this chapter, going above and beyond her normal brainstorming and beta reading. Not only did her fic A Matter of Perspective inspire a whole lot of the dialogue from the first scene, but she also provided some early concepts for Ann's speech to Akechi when we were planning out this arc about 5 months ago haha.
