5A: Familiar Shame
It was the skeleton in Peter's closet. His heritage, his secret!
For most of his life, Peter had known that he was the illegitimate son of a couple. Their lives weren't ready for a child so he had been placed up for adoption. This was all that the Burkes who had adopted him had been told.
Growing up, it had always been in the back of his mind. Who were his biological parents, where did their lives go after they gave him up, and did they ever wonder about him? What about extended family, did he have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or maybe even siblings that he was missing out on?
Those were the two parts that hurt the worst. Not knowing, and being an only child who longed for siblings.
He couldn't complain though. The Burkes loved and cared for him so he lacked nothing there. His father had created a family tradition of playing catch in the yard while watching baseball games, he'd picked him up when he fell, and he always had advice. Then his mother, she taught him every life lesson she could, made sure he was raised right, but still always had time for cookies and milk while listening to his day. Together, they balanced each other out and made sure he had everything he needed.
Still, adoptive parents don't fill biological holes.
So, when he'd gone to college, Peter had secretly put his information into one of the search programs that reunited families. His parents knew he'd been considering it for years so they'd helped him collect the information and learn the process, but he didn't have the heart to search for his biological family in front of them. He decided to let them know if anything came of it.
Years passed, he forgot about it, and life went on. Then one day, there was a match.
The agency had been running through its systems with no results for years. Then they updated to new software with better capacity and had results within three months.
When the envelope arrived, Peter had to think before he placed what the results were.
Fortunately, he was home so that Elizabeth could help him. She noticed how he trailed off mid-sentence and then stood frozen, staring at the envelope. "What is it?"
"The adoption agency," Peter realized then that he had a lot of explaining to do. He'd forgotten, so he hadn't told her about his search for his biological family. Had he even told her he was adopted? He was pretty sure he had, but then it wasn't like he talked about it often or that his parents brought it up. It was simply an accepted fact, not something to be dwelt on.
"Come, let's sit," Peter had her join him on the couch as he moved to take a seat himself. "I have told you that I'm adopted, haven't I?" He opened the conversation to alleviate her suppressed concerns because he could see the questions in her eyes despite her efforts.
Looking thoughtful, Elizabeth seemed to be trying to recollect if they'd talked about it or if she'd noticed anything. "I don't think so, I noticed that you don't look like your parents, but I didn't know you were adopted."
Taking her hand, Peter caught her up. "It looks like they found something, after all these years." He used his other hand to finger the envelope in his lap.
Squeezing his hand with one hand, and rubbing his arm with the other, Elizabeth tried to provide comfort. "Are you ready to open it?"
Sighing, Peter squeezed her hand before withdrawing his hand so that he could use both for opening the envelope. Once he had it open, he started reading out loud.
To summarize, his parents eventually married and then divorced when his father was arrested. Peter didn't look much further, he learned that his father's name was James Bennett and he was arrested for thefts, public corruption, and murder. After that, he didn't care to go into his maternal results or any of the following pages, he'd seen enough!
Feeling tainted, Peter shuttered, got up, and tossed the rest of the information into the trash. "That was the worst idea I ever had." Pacing about for a moment, he was angry, hurt, and he felt like his skin was crawling! Unable to sit still, he volunteered to take Satchmo for a walk. "I just need some air, to feel less like I'm about to crawl out of my skin."
Although Elizabeth looked hurt and upset for him, she gave him Satchmo's leash with a kiss and sent them on their way.
Peter felt better for the walk and was glad to see the trash emptied when he got back. The sooner he forgot this, the better!
At work, Peter struggled with his secret at first. It felt like everyone was judging him. He was the son of a criminal, and not one like Neal either, a murderer.
Of course, Neal and his team noticed, but he only told Hughes the general details. He didn't know anything else to tell. His boss noted it so that trouble wouldn't arrive later before dismissing him. The team offered support but didn't push, they respected his privacy.
A week later, things went sour between him and Neal.
It was on Saturday when Neal had shown up for a visit. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence so Peter didn't think about it much at first. Instead, he'd welcomed Neal in and asked if he wanted some coffee.
Neal had accepted, but his smile seemed muted. Something was up.
Pouring the coffee, Peter tried to gauge if Neal had a personal concern he just wanted to talk about, or if there was something more professional that could be an issue for both of them. "What's up, you seem like something is on your mind?" Peter decided to open dialogue before taking his first sip.
Fidgeting with his cup, Neal turned it slowly in his hands so he didn't spill it. "I don't know how to approach this."
"Okay, is this personal, or professional?" Peter figured he could give him a start while narrowing down his own questions. Their coffees provided something to do in the conversation gaps.
"Both, but the first part that leads to the second is personal." Neal must be bothered based on how much trouble it was to get the answer out of him.
Offering a snack, Peter tried to keep the conversation going by adding, "And the second part is professional?"
Nodding, Neal clasped his hands tightly around the cup to hide his emotions.
Were his hands shaking? Peter was getting nervous the more Neal drew this out. Putting his food and coffee down, Peter got blunt. "You didn't commit a crime, did you?"
"No," Neal was vehement and quick to respond. "I didn't, but someone else did, about thirty years ago." He was quiet and nervous as he tagged the last part on.
Stiffening, Peter remembered that thirty years ago was about when his father had committed his crimes. "Who had committed the crimes?" He couldn't help it as his voice dropped to reflect how stiff and cold he felt.
"A lot of people, there was a mob and their police counterparts," Neal added while watching him carefully. He'd also stopped any pretense of interest in his drink.
The kitchen around them felt close like the air was thick and there wasn't enough room.
Frowning, Peter felt more like Neal was hinting at his own family history, "And?"
"And, I think you know the name of one of them." Neal steeled himself before saying, "James Bennett."
Turning away at the name, Peter couldn't even look at Neal. He was too ashamed, too furious! "Why are you bringing him up? What do you know about him?" Peter growled at Neal while keeping his back to him.
Listing his crimes, Neal knew everything about James. But, the clincher was when Neal said, "he had a son."
Whirling around, Peter couldn't believe it, Neal had snooped into his past? How did he even know? Peter wasn't even sure what he said, but whatever he'd yelled at Neal, he wrapped it up with a roared, "Get out!"
Neal left out the front door and Peter slammed his way out of the back door. It was a good thing Elizabeth was out walking Satchmo, or else he'd be doubly in trouble with her, one for scaring the dog and two for slamming the door.
How Neal had learned his secret was beyond Peter, but he didn't appreciate Neal knowing!
Pacing around until long after Neal should be gone, Peter then decided to text him to remain home for a week. He didn't even want to see him!
Again, the team noticed that something was wrong, but Peter wouldn't explain. Instead, they theorized what crime Neal had done or why Peter was disciplining him.
By the end of the week, he was calmer so Peter let Neal return to work the following Monday. However, he did have him fend for himself on his ride to work. He didn't know what he might say if he was forced into an enclosed space with him.
Monday came around and set the new trend.
Peter drove himself to work, Neal made his own way, the team ran interference so they barely interacted during the day, and then they went home. There were no texts, no random conversations, no sounding boards, nothing.
The next change to happen was when a Washington senator arranged to visit their office.
Having been briefed by Hughes, Peter let the team know that "Senator Pratt will be visiting our office this afternoon. We don't know if he's just curious or if he has a reason. Be on your best behavior people."
It was strange how Neal paled, but no one else seemed to notice so Peter didn't point it out. Instead, he just continued through their morning meeting.
Then later that afternoon, Peter returned from lunch to find Hughes enclosed with the senator. Almost everyone else seemed to still be at lunch or working out of the office. Neal, Jones, and Diana were the only other three currently present.
Approaching Jones and Diana, he asked if there was any theory for why the senator had graced them with a visit. Dignitaries usually had better things to do, and a case would likely be taken to the Washington FBI office.
They didn't have much to say, but Diana did note, "He looked at your office. Maybe he was seeing which was yours versus Hughes' or maybe he was just curious?"
Not liking it, Peter could sense that he was the reason for the visit.
Looking up as Hughes' door opened, Peter suspected that they were about to find out.
Pratt seemed to be having a formal conversation with Hughes about his history with law enforcement. When they were close to Peter though, Pratt said, "I was a part of the DC PD back in the day. About thirty years ago we had an upset in the department; one officer was unfortunately murdered by another. Isn't that right agent Burke?" He smirked as he taunted him. "I believe it was recently discovered that the murderer had adopted out a son, one of your own, I believe."
"Leave him alone, Pratt," Neal's voice sounded from his desk as he moved closer to the conversation by standing against the front of it.
"And you would be?" The senator was distracted which was a relief to Peter. He didn't need his biological parentage drug out in front of the team, not even the few present.
"Caffrey," Neal stated like it was obvious.
Looking thoughtful, it took the senator only a second or two to place him. "Ah, it's been a long time, but Caffrey was his wife's maiden name." He provided the connection Peter was missing. "So, you're another one of his boys. Like father like son, I see."
Neal bristled but held his tongue.
"Weren't there more of you?" The senator queried.
"Yes, and there still is," another man who looked like Neal joined him at his desk. This one had a crew cut, a military stance, but civilian clothes. He put himself between Neal and Pratt before crossing his arms defensively.
"Too bad the third one disappeared when you were teenagers. I heard he died."
To Peter's amazement, a third Neal look-a-like joined the others to lean against the desk. He had a spook vibe going about him with his government-sanctioned suit and CIA attitude.
Fortunately, Neal was still distinctive and in the middle so Peter knew for certain that he was the one talking when he answered Pratt's chilling comment. "You heard wrong. I was the one who went for a walk after Officer Hill told me about dad and corrected everything we'd ever been told up until then. And I didn't just disappear. I was taken. They didn't get anything out of me for where the others were, but it wasn't for their lack of trying. You now know where my brothers and I are now, but even we don't know where mom or Officer Hill is."
"Are you insinuating something, Caffrey?" Pratt seemed something between amused and belittling.
Squaring his shoulders, Neal faced him off. "I am. I was in Witness Protection when I was abducted and the files are deeply sealed, even you can't legally see them. That means you were either behind my abduction and torture, or you illegally looked at my files. You're up to something either way."
There wasn't much for the senator to say, so he diplomatically said they couldn't prove anything and left.
In the awkward silence that followed, Peter stared at the identical triplets, his brothers. There was so much on his mind, he couldn't react to any of it.
Neal had been abducted and tortured over their parentage. It seemed that corrupt law enforcement was responsible and he had probably just faced off with the man responsible for his pain. That also meant that Neal knew about James through their shared heritage. Although it still didn't explain how, or really if, he knew the full extent of how Peter was connected; this also meant that Peter owed him an apology. Whatever he'd said when he'd reacted, it had probably been rather hurtful and undeserved.
Also, he had brothers! Three of them! He'd wanted siblings growing up, but had only dreamed about them, or so he had thought. Now he worked with one and hoped to get to know the other two.
However, while he was staring, Peter zoned back into the conversation.
The triplets seemed to be conversing quietly. Neal seemed shaken up as he stood with his arms crossed. One of the other triplets, the spook one, had an arm across Neal's shoulders while the army one stood with his arms crossed in front of him.
Listening, Peter heard them talking about an operation and how it was going to be more difficult after their encounter with Pratt.
"We no longer have the element of surprise. He knows we're suspicious of him," one was saying.
"Yes, but he won't suspect our secrets, Danny," another of them said.
"Neal here, it's my birth name and the name I'm using," Neal corrected.
Interesting, Neal had another name, Daniel by the sounds of it. Peter took note of it and their secret. He'd always been curious about Neal, but now he was even more so. Not to mention his interest in these strangers he was now related to.
Giving orders, the military one told the spook to take Neal and get coffee for everyone. He'd handle the rest.
Nodding, Neal walked off with his triplet without returning Peter's gaze once, he and the other triplets had all seemingly ignored him.
Once Neal and the spook triplet had left, the military triplet turned to the rest of the group. "I suggest we talk in the conference room just in case anyone else comes back shortly."
Following his lead, Peter and the rest of the team present followed him up. Hughes was talking to the triplet ahead so Peter found himself monitored by his agents.
"So, you're adopted?" Diana made the first cautious approach to the topic.
"Yeah, I always wanted siblings, and I was always curious about my parentage… until I found out about my biological father. After seeing the initial records about him, I couldn't look any further, didn't want to. Then Neal showed up knowing way too much and I blew up at him. I thought he'd looked into my information, the information I didn't want to be known, the information I didn't want to know. At least I now know how he knows so much about our father, and it sounds like he didn't handle the initial discovery well either." Sighing, Peter wished he'd paid more attention and had given Neal a chance to talk. Maybe they would have met and all be conversing as brothers if he had. Instead, he could tell the triplets were brothers, but he felt like an outsider.
"That's why you've been acting strange lately. We thought Neal had done something criminal or suspicious." Jones tagged on that they'd noticed his hurt, but had misapplied its cause.
"Neal didn't deserve that. I still don't know exactly how he knew, but he didn't deserve any of it." Peter was surprised to realize that he was more upset about what Neal had been through to worry about Jones and Diana now knowing his secret too.
"Don't worry about it boss, you and your brothers aren't responsible for what your biological father did. As for Neal, we can only apologize for the past and hope he forgives us." Jones stated while Diana hummed in agreement.
"Thanks," Peter was grateful for their understanding and support. He still had work ahead of him with Neal, but at least he felt better.
Settling in around the conference room table, Peter wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't what followed.
"My brothers and I are all task force agents. I'm James Carson and I work for the NSA, Danny Brooks is FBI and leading the operation, while Bryce Larkin is CIA. Due to what happened, Neal is his birth name and his cover ID, a name we've all used for this operation, but Danny Brooks is his legal name. Now that you know about Pratt, we don't want you to do anything that crosses over into the active investigation. To help with that, I'll see if we can get you written into the operation. Regardless, I need you to watch Danny's back. In our experience, well, we all get betrayed by our own far too often. He's been through a lot and it started younger for him than the rest of us." With this James sent a stern look Peter's way.
Although he still felt bad for what he'd done, Peter was easily able to acknowledge the look and promise to have Neal's back.
"We all reacted badly when we learned about James. Being named after him, I seriously considered keeping my Wit-Sec name. In the end, I decided to only change my last name from my birth name and keep my nickname. I'm Junior, but I'm my own man."
With that, Peter's mind switched to calling James Junior.
Feeling like he'd been forgiven by one brother, Peter felt better about his prospects in talking to Neal. "Still, I shouldn't have treated Neal like I did and I need to apologize for whatever it was I said to him."
Junior smiled slightly before asking them if he could commandeer the conference room for a while. He had official stuff to work on and didn't want to draw the attention of the office.
Permitting him, Hughes had the team go back to work with the orders to act as if nothing had happened.
While Jones, Diana, and Hughes left, Peter nervously approached Junior. "My office is connected next door if you need anything. I need to make things right with Neal, but I'd like to get to know the rest of you too."
Smiling, Junior seemed to have something amusing him. "We'll explain later, but we'd like that."
Patting him on the shoulder, Peter headed next door to begin his work for the afternoon.
Later, he saw Neal reenter the office with coffees for those who had been present for the encounter. Beside him, Bryce had sunglasses and a hat to help hide his features. Bryce took his and Junior's coffees before beelining for the conference room. This left Neal to carry his and two other coffees up to the landing. He took Hughes his cup first before coming back to Peter's office.
Expecting him, Peter used Neal's stop and brief chat in Hughes' office to close his blinds and wait by his door. When Neal knocked lightly, he opened the door and had Neal come in. Shutting the door, Peter could see Jones and Diana nodding in encouragement. Nodding back, he finished closing the door and turned to Neal. The kid had set the coffee on his desk and was looking out the window.
Moving towards him, Peter reached out to put a hand on Neal's shoulder. When the kid glanced at him, Peter started, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I said to you, but I'm sorry for all of it. Although I'd always wondered what had happened to my parents, and who they were, I couldn't take learning about James. It felt like I was tainted by him, by knowing about him as it wasn't something I'd ever felt before. After him, I couldn't read anymore so I didn't get far enough to learn about mom's maiden name or that I have three brothers. Then when you showed up knowing way too much… I thought you'd snooped into my past somehow. That was information I couldn't face, didn't want to be known, and it felt like a betrayal that you would dig into it without permission. It never crossed my mind that it could be our shared family history. Now I guess you probably knew from your operation and our biological connection." Pausing, Peter smiled before adding, "I always wanted siblings, now I get three brothers in a day."
Neal seemed to calm down as he talked until he smirked. "I kind of wanted a sister at times, and a sister-in-law is pretty close, and another brother doesn't hurt." Then he smiled as Peter pulled him into a hug.
Holding his brother close, Peter felt like he was finally adjusting to his new circumstances. "I want to get to know you better and the others too."
Sighing, Neal seemed to be comforted by the hug, but aware of realities. "We can't freely talk, even with you. I'm still technically in Wit-Sec, so life is complicated."
"You're still my brother and friend while they're my brothers, I want to talk what we can." Peter knew this made life more complicated, but he felt it was worth it.
Stepping back as Peter released, Neal was happier for the exchange.
Keeping a hand on his shoulder, Peter asked if Neal was needed in the conference room or if he was returning to the floor to work. "I don't want any more misconceptions to go around about you than necessary."
Shrugging, Neal wasn't bothered. "The team takes their lead from you, Jones, and Diana so you learning the truth will help. Besides, I can't be too poster boy for being behaved, Neal has a reputation to keep up." He raised his eyebrows playfully.
Laughing, Peter clapped him on the shoulder before Neal walked with him to grab his coffee and go around the desk into the conference room. Seeing the door shut, Peter sat to sip his coffee and look out his window for a few minutes. It felt good to relax and de-stress after weeks of upset.
Once his cup ran out, he returned to work.
Thank you, everyone, for reading, leaving kudos, and reviewing :D
