Chapter 3

7 MONTHS

-TOMOYO-

I did my best to convince myself I was just helping Eriol not have any awkward encounters with Sakura. But, to be honest, as days went by, a side of me finally admitted I was also doing this to help myself.

I had been a popular girl during middle school days, and finding out my counter had abruptly stopped without reaching zero, besides reducing my social circle as if I had just been diagnosed with the plague, it had also pushed me into a clinic depression that made me walk away from my only two best friends. Or maybe pushing them away was what made me depressed in the first place, since it seemed Sakura and Eriol were completely okay with me having a broken counter, and it was actually me the one who had rejected their friendship and support.

Maybe, during these past years, the only thing I needed was their help. And now, knowing I wasn't the only one who had a fucked up counter, with Eriol needing my help, Sakura still smiling at me as if we never stopped being friends, Eriol asking me to become friends again, and Sakura inviting me to each lunch together daily… I couldn't help but feel grateful to the fact they didn't hate me, and actually wanted to still be friends.

During all this past week, the only thing I could think of, was Hiragizawa's counter. Truth be told, during our three years of middle school, he had always covered it, always under that tied ribbon. Sometimes black, sometimes blue, sometimes gray, and I just couldn't come to an explanation. During all those years, I thought his counter showed a very far away date, and he was just protecting himself from an anxiety attack of knowing he had a date that seemed not come any closer.

Now that I knew the truth, I couldn't help but ask myself if his destiny was even worse than mine. My counter had suddenly stopped since my special someone had died. But Eriol's destined person was still alive. And we knew her: it was our best friend. He could see her every day, talk to her, laugh together… And yet they couldn't be together, since Eriol wasn't Sakura's special someone. If they remained as friends, Eriol was doomed to see someone else make her happy. He'd had to endure someone else being the one to hug her, kiss her, love her. Someone else was going to marry her and form a family together…

I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, despite I perfectly knew that wasn't what he wanted. And yet, I couldn't help but think that, even when my own pain was something quite serious, compared to him, my problems looked stupid.

I was absorbed in my thoughts, that during that Friday midday, as we once again ate lunch together, Sakura had to repeat her question several times, before I could fully understand what she was asking me. As soon as I understood her question, I couldn't help but freeze.

"Have you guys enrolled in a club?"

Eriol and I looked at each other, nervously, for just a fraction of a second. To be honest, I still didn't have enough confidence to join any club. And I was quite sure Eriol felt the same way, especially when Sakura added:

"Will you join the football club once again, Eriol?"

And especially when Li added:

"I'm the captain of the team. I can let you in without having to do the audition."

I could feel how Eriol froze right next to me, and so I did my best not to look at him, and just stare at my lunch.

"I don't need the favor. That's cheating." He said, doing his best to not sound rude. "If I join the team, I want it to be because I was good enough to be part of it."

"So, you're really doing the audition?" Sakura insisted. Definitely that conversation wasn't going as Eriol expected.

"I'll think about it." Was all he could say, and unluckily for me, that meant it was my time to answer too.

"So, how about you, Tomoyo? I heard this school also has a choir club."

"I haven't practiced in a long time." I replied, as I played with my chopsticks, trying to hold a single rice grain, to no avail. "I don't think I'm ready."

Luckily for me, the bell rung at that exact moment, and so we hurried to pick up our stuff, being Eriol and me the ones who stood up first.

"Do you have any plans for this weekend?"

Sakura's question stopped us instantly. Eriol and I looked at each other, and both said no, at the same time.

"Syaoran and I were thinking of going out tomorrow. A picnic, at Penguin Park. Would you two like to come?"

That's how that Saturday morning we found ourselves at Penguin Park. To be honest I didn't mind, so used to my manners, I was the first one to arrive. On the other hand, who seemed to be forced to be there, was Eriol, who arrived five minutes later.

I tried not to care. After all, he had his reasons: knowing Syaoran would be close to Sakura the whole day, and with his heart still broken… It was totally understandable for him not wanting to witness any romantic interaction those two might have.

During picnic, and the conversation that occurred as we ate, it seemed like Eriol could handle the situation easily. Still, I could feel he felt uncomfortable as soon as we finished our food, and Sakura and Syaoran started getting all cuddly. It seemed both of them were dying to kiss each other, but were just too shy to do it with us as public. So, to let them be, and also helping Eriol to get away of experiencing the show first hand, I decided to ask him to come with me to get a drink.

"We won't take long." I lied, since I was already planning to take ages. After all, it's not like they would even notice, or care.

"You didn't have to." Eriol whispered as we walked along the stone road, that ran sideways the river.

I wanted to say that's what friends do, but I felt it was still too soon to address each other as friends. I still didn't feel like a friend to him, and I was also sure Eriol still didn't see me like one; I was just someone who was doing him a favor, and thus he was in debt with me.

In the end, I preferred to answer:

"I think you'd end up doing the same for me."

We made it to the vending machines, and I went up and bought a can of coffee. I asked Eriol if he wanted something, he said no, and sat on a near bench. Looking back at the vending machine, I don't know why but I ended up buying two, and so, carrying those two cans, I sat next to him, and offered him one.

"Thanks." He said.

"It's quite uncomfortable, itsn't it?" I asked, as I opened my can and drank a sip of cold coffee. Eriol eyed me, not sure what to reply. "I don't only mean us, but Sakura-chan and her new boyfriend. I just can't imagine myself in a situation like yours. You're so brave to come here and smile at Sakura-chan, when deep inside you must be hurting."

Once again, Eriol didn't reply. He just drank his cold coffee, and looked at the river, in silence.

"What about you?" he finally said. "You could always pretend your counter keeps on moving." I looked at him, visibly confused. "I mean, there're just a few students who come from the same middle school as us, so it would be easy just to pretend to everybody else that your counter just keeps moving…"

"I'm not going to lie, if that's what you mean." I interrupted. "I got no plans to hide my counter, or make up it to pretend it's still moving." And unable to hold myself, I placed my arm between us, so he could see my 7 years tattoo on my right wrist. "I'm proud of this."

"Proud of being alone?"

It hurt, but I pretended it didn't.

"My counter will move." I said, cold as ice.

"Impossible." Eriol replied, firmly grabbing his can of coffee. "Once it hits zero, there's nothing up ahead."

"Well, mine hasn't hit zero, so it still can move." I said, stubbornly. "I'll find someone whom I will love, deeply, madly, with my whole body and soul, and this stupid counter will have no choice to accept he's the love of my life."

Eriol simply said no with his head.

"It's not that simple." And he raised his arm, although he didn't take off his ribbon. "It doesn't matter how much you can love someone, if that someone doesn't love you back… Then it's all useless."

It was a pessimistic approach, but it was still the truth. Divorcees weren't the norm, but they did happen. There had been cases of people meeting their soulmate, and yet their relationship didn't make it to a happy ending. People gave up on each other. There had also been cases of people being happily ever after with someone their counters had not reacted to.

Even when my own mom, or Eriol's mom, or Sakura's father (and apparently Li's mother too) hadn't got married again, starting a new relationship after the departure of a soulmate was also quite common. There were lots of people who after losing the love of their lives, or getting divorced, found a new special someone, and embarked on a new relationship.

"Sakura's so lucky." I couldn't help myself. "She's only fifteen and has already found her soulmate. How many years will she spend by his side? They still have ages to formalize any relationship, and God knows how many years will they be married before deciding on having kids, and then htey'll also have grandkids… I'm sure they're never going to break up…"

My voice cracked. Not only because I was imagining that future that I no longer had access to, but because I felt the way Eriol moved uncomfortable next to me, and I quickly understood expressing my pain was also hurting him.

None of us could say anything else. We just stayed there, ignoring our iced coffee cans, looking at the river, without really looking at it. I got no idea how long we remained there, and I also got no idea how longer we could've stayed, if it wasn't for Sakura and Syaoran, who found us.

"Where were you, guys?" Sakura asked, when she and her boyfriend stopped in front of us. "It's quite late."

She was right. We had arrived at Penguin Park just two hours after midday, but right now, the sun was already setting. It would just take some more minutes for it to become night.

"I think we should go home now." Syaoran said, holding Sakura's hand, intertwining their fingers. "What me to take you home?"

"Shouldn't we take Tomoyo-chan home first?"

I held Eriol's sleeve as discretely as I could, so Sakura and Syaoran couldn't see me.

"Don't worry about me, please." I said quickly. "Eriol will take me home."

"You sure?" Sakura asked. "But you guys live in totally different directions."

"I can take care of it." Eriol hurried to reply. Seems he had understood my idea of not spending any longer with them two and their cuddly attitudes towards each other, since it was affecting both of us. "I can handle it."

We said goodbye when we reached the corner of Penguin Park. Sakura and Syaoran walked headed west, while Eriol and I walked towards east. Truth be told, Eriol had never been at my place (during the old days of middle school, we usually spent our afternoons at Sakura's place, since hers was the closest to school), so basically I leaded and Eriol followed me.

After our talk next to the river, we didn't have much more to say. Our fifteen-minute walk happened in an utter silence, barely interrupted with some questions (made of pure politeness, rather than utter interest) about how's our family, and how are our mom's businesses doing.

"We're here." I finally said, as we stopped in front of the black gate.

"Wow. It's huge." Eriol said, unable to hold his surprise. I couldn't help but blush.

"Want to come in?"

"It's kind of late." He replied, and hid his hands inside his pockets. "My mom might be wondering where am I."

"Understandable." Was all I could say. "Then, see you at school."

I said bye with my hand, he replied the same way, and finally opened the gate and walked inside. As soon as I closed, I heard him walk away, and just five seconds later, I couldn't listen anything else.

During the rest of the weekend, I tried not to think about anything, but to be honest, I just couldn't get it out of my head.

I always thought Sakura and Syaoran's relationship wouldn't bother me at all. She had been my friend. No, she had never stopped being my friend, despite me pushing her away. She had welcomed me back, no resentments, and was happy to share her happiness with me. To be honest, I also made me happy that she was happy. If her counter had told her, her soulmate was Li Syaoran, I could only trust he'd make her happy, and would take care of her for the rest of their lives.

And yet, just like Eriol, it hurt me. I just couldn't understand why life had been so cruel to me. What crime had I done, for life to just take away my soulmate? From time to time, I was filled up with rage. Was there something wrong with me, and so I had no right to be loved by someone? Was I a bad person? Did I have no right to know what love was? Why everybody else could experience it, and I couldn't?

I just wanted someone to love me. I wanted to be able to love someone back.

Monday morning, when I arrived at school, I simply ignored everything, and everybody. I just wasn't in the mood to keep on with conversations, with whoever wanted to talk to me, and I was already preparing tons of excuses to miss out having lunch with our local lovebirds and Eriol.

Luckily for me, it seemed as Eriol had read my mind, since when the bell rung, he took both of our lunches, and pulling me by my wrist, he made us both run away from the classroom, before Sakura and Sayoran could even think of meeting us up.

We ended up sitting behind the gymnasium, looking at the fence that divided high school from elementary school. We sat in the grass, and proceeded to eat lunch, in silence.

I was so deep in my thoughts, that I didn't notice when I giggled.

"What's up?" Eriol asked, looking away from his lunch. "What's so funny?"

"Us." Was all I could say. "Our existence is so pathetic it ends up being laughable. We're so lame we look like a joke. We could fund, right here, right now, a broken hearts club."

He didn't answer. I had no idea if it is because I offended him, or he was still thinking about my words. Maybe in his head being this miserable panorama wass actually not funny at all, but I still kept on going.

"There's never going to be someone who loves us, Eriol. Do you understand how serious this is?"

"I don't want someone to love me." He finally replied, dropping his chopsticks. "I don't need a stranger to love me. I want her to love me."

"But she can't." I growled, gritting my teeth. "She can't, because she already has someone to love."

"Then I don't need anyone else to love me."

"That's your plan?" I asked, as I also dropped my chopsticks. "You're just saying no to anything that may exist after that zero?"

"This is how this works." He said, in his usual pessimistic tone. I couldn't help but snort, visibly outraged.

"It's going to move." I said, as if my life depended on it. "Your counter, and mine too, they're both wrong."

"The counter is never wrong."

"Ours is wrong!" I finally cried. "This is so stupid!" I added, as I kicked my lunch, and turned to look at him. "What's the point of a stupid counter heading me towards a person who was going to die anyways!?"

"Maybe it was an accident. There was no way to know…"

"Fuck that!" I kept on crying. "The counter knew about it. The counter knows it all, and yet it decided to hurt me this way! The counter is aware of all twists of fate. That's it's magic, and that's why it is never wrong. And don't try to come with a stupid space-time-paradox, because I won't believe it. Every counter knows every encounter is unavoidable, no matter how many changes occur in our lives. Whatever happens, the encounter happens! That's why giving me a counter that will never hit zero just because this person has died, is the stupidest thing ever!"

"You're being cruel." He whispered, but I couldn't hold it any longer.

"I hate him for dying." I cried. "If it was an accident, I hate the one that killed him, too. My happiness was taken away from me, in the stupidest way, and yet, I won't accept it. I still got lots of love to give-" And I punched the floor with my fist, so hard I even hurt myself, but I just couldn't care less. "And I'm going to find someone to give all this love to. A love so pure and sincere, that this stupid counter will have no choice than get moving again, and finally hit zero. I'm going to find my soulmate, whether this counter wants it, or not."

Hi everybody! Hope you're having a nice weekend.

This chapter I feel I could actually sit and edit, so I feel much more comfortable with it, compared to last one. Hope you also think I did a better work with the typos and grammatical errors. Feel free to point them out anyway tho.

Hope you enjoy this chapter! Before I forget, please be aware that while the POV of Tomoyo looks super positive and willing to change things, and Eriol's POV looks like he's just an emo who wants to quit everything, both of them will evolve little by little. Just be patient.

With this said, hope to see you next week.

XOXO, Ribo~