Chapter 8

2 MONTHS

-TOMOYO-

February brought us a lot of new things. First of all, a much pleasant weather. Second, a lot of letters in my locker, from secret admirers who wanted to be my valentine's. And third, a goodbye with Tsukishiro Yue.

To be honest, none of these three things came as a surprise. The weather report had said that winter would be over early this year, the letters in my locker confirmed that, just as in middle school, boys still found me attractive, and something inside me had told me things with Yue were just not going to work out, so it was better to just give up now.

The only problem I found on this last one, was that I couldn't finish understanding why.

Yes, he was older than me. We also didn't have any similar hobbies, but to be honest, it was those differences that had first brought us closer.

For example, or music taste was completely different, but we both were willing to listen to each other's favorite artists, and we even found out new songs that we added to our playlists. Same thing happened with books and even movies. I actually enjoyed learning all these new things, and I'm sure he felt the same way.

And I liked him, a lot. I just didn't love him.

And each time I came back home after a date, I couldn't help but ask myself what was wrong with me. Yue was the best one in his class, every girl would've be delighted to date Japan's future star doctor. But it seemed that didn't impress me. Same thing happened with his car. A ride in a convertible? I could really get used to it, and yet, every time I sat next to him in his car, I couldn't help but miss walking along Penguin Park, or just riding the subway.

Yue was a dream come true, too perfect to be real, actually. One of those people that when you meet them, you must be totally nuts to let them go. I think I was nuts, since that was exactly what I wanted to do. It was suffocating. Not him, but me. It was suffocating to try to feel something, and just not feel anything. Why nothing that he did or said made me feel butterflies in my stomach? Why I couldn't feel loved, and willing to love him back?

Breaking up came naturally.

It occurred similar to the way it started.

We were in Penguin Park, walking around, talking about how our week had gone. I couldn't help but feel stupid: a high school student talking about math problems, and waiting for Golden Week, to do nothing. Yue, on the other hand, sounded so important and busy: classes of Physiology, Pharmacology, Immunology, learning about things I wouldn't even know how to pronounce, getting ready for his medical practice in a local hospital during those two mid-march vacations that were approaching…

We walked in at the coffee shop where we had our first date. We sat next to a window, and after getting our coffees, I knew I had to break up with him, I just didn't know how.

"I think I know why we're here." He said, and so I stopped tapping my fingers against the coffee cup. "It was nice to meet you."

I looked at him, visibly surprised.

"How…?"

"I still have a lot to learn about you, Tomoyo. So I got no idea how you feel, or what you actually want to tell me. But I know what your body language is saying right now, and right now, it seems you want to be anywhere, but here."

I couldn't help but sigh, as I held a giggle.

"It's not exactly that…" I try to defend myself. "I like you." I began, but son interrupted myself.

Was that what I really wanted to do? The "It's not you, it's me" line? I mean, it was definitely me, but…

"You like me, but-." He repeated, interrupting my thoughts, trying to help me finish my sentence. So I did.

"But I think, right now, I'm not ready for a relationship."

"One is never ready." Was his answer, as he took his time to sip a bit of coffee. Weirdly enough, he didn't seem angry, or hurt, and I asked myself if it was somehow related to how mature he was. "But I do understand you're completely scared of being unfaithful to someone who is sure to come."

I couldn't help but look at him, visibly confused. He must have noticed it, since he continued.

"What I mean is, I totally understand you're thinking you're making me lose my time, since you're going to leave me in the future, when your counter reaches zero."

The counter. Always that damn counter.

"It doesn't work." I said, gritting my teeth, and I raised my arm, so we could both see my tattoo. "My soulmate died."

"I'm so sorry for your loss." He whispered, but I just shrug my shoulders.

"Doesn't matter. I didn't get to meet him."

"But he was your special someone. Your destined one."

"Destiny?" I laughed. "You're talking to me about destiny? You left your soulmate walk away, only because she came from another country, and spoke a language different from yours."

Yue didn't get angry, and just nodded in agreement.

"You're right. But the fact that I did let go of my soulmate, doesn't mean I can't love again."

I crossed my arms. If somehow he was trying for me not to break up with him, to give him another chance…

"I know what you're thinking." He said. "I know since I thought of that too. It can't be so easy for love to walk away from my life. Is it because I'm not worthy of being loved? Is it because there's no one to love me back? You're desperately looking for someone to love you; someone you can love in the same way."

I couldn't answer. Yes, he was basically reading my mind.

"I'm only twenty-two, so please don't expect me to have all answers." He continued, finishing his coffee. "But what I can say for sure, is that without a counter to point you in the right direction, the only thing you can do is play by trial and error. Things can only work if both of you do their best. Just if you both feel something for each other."

"And how do I know if I actually feel something? How do I know I'm not forcing myself to feel something, just so I don't end up alone?" I asked, as I did my best to hold my tears.

Yue shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know what. I guess… It just happens."

Neither of us said anything. With this, we both understood it was over. As Yue had already finished his coffee, he asked me if I wanted him to take me back home, but I said no. I wanted to walk a little bit more around Penguin Park, around downtown; clear my mind, stretch my legs. He said he was pleased to meet me once again, and after paying for both of our drinks, he said goodbye.

I stayed there, around fifteen more minutes. The cup of coffee was already cold, so I couldn't finish it. When I felt I had been long enough in that coffee shop, I finally stood up, pick up my stuff and walked back home.

Without the help of a counter, finding love was an endless circle. How could I know if I could love that person, and how could that person know they could love me, if we didn't try it first? And after giving it a shot, what if just as with Yue, things didn't work out? How many trials did this trial and error method needed before success? How much time would be invested in this method? How much hurt people would this method produce?

And yet knowing it was selfish, I wanted to find him.

The piece of paper landed in Eriol's table, as the English teacher was writing on the board. Eriol side eyed me, but took the piece of paper, and after unfolding it, he read it.

"Want to have lunch together, in front of the fence of the elementary school?"

I wrote. He took a pencil and wrote back a reply. When the piece of paper landed back in my desk, i could see he had drawn a smiley face.

To escape from Sakura and Syaoran's company, as soon as the bell rung, we took our lunches and ran out of the classroom. We ran all across the hallway, and even ran downstairs, despite it being dangerous. We had run so much, that when we arrived in front of the fence, we both had run out of air, and had to take a moment to breathe heavily, and calm the pain in our chest.

"What are your plans for Valentine's?" I asked, innocently. Eriol just shrug his shoulders, as he ate.

"I guess helping you carry all the chocolate you're sure to receive."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"This flawless skin is definitely not a product of eating 4 pounds of chocolate on a single afternoon. I'll gift you half of it. I couldn't eat it all by myself, either way."

"You're asking me to be your Valentine's?" Eriol asked. This time, it was him who laughed, as I remained serious.

"Yeah, why not?" He turned to look at me, visibly surprised. "I mean, Valentine's is a day for love and friendship. Let Sakura and Syaoran celebrate the love part, and you and I can celebrate friendship."

"Okay." Eriol said, as he went back to eat his lunch. "Anything for free chocolate."

"Okay." I repeated. "But if I give you my chocolate, you'll have to gift me something for White Day."

"I don't know how you have the courage to ask me that." He pointed, as he pouted. "You haven't even wear my Christmas gift!"

I looked at him, visibly surprised. It wasn't common for a guy to notice the accessories a girl was wearing, and there was Eriol, saying he hadn't see me wear my black velvet diadem. Worst of it all, being he was right.

"I didn't want it to get possibly damaged." I replied. "But I'll wear it in Valentine's, I promise."

The morning of February 14th, came with rain. A horrible day to go to school with my hair undone, since humidity was at 80%, and it would take me longer to brush it, before it all became frizzed again. But I had promised Eriol, and I couldn't just not break my promise because of the rain. So I didn't do my hair, wore my black velvet diadem, and after taking an umbrella, went straight to school.

When I opened my locker, the first chocolates of the day fell down to the floor. I hurried to take them. Some of them didn't had a name, but the majority of them did had a note. Either way I was really thankful, and hurried to put them all in my backpack. I then changed my shoes, and walked towards the classroom. Eriol arrived five minutes later. This time, he sat behind me, and after promising I'll give him half of my chocolate at the end of the day, classes begun.

It kept on raining during lunch, so we had to discard the idea of eating next to the fence that divided high school from elementary, and we had to eat inside the classroom, with the rest of our class. Luckily Sakura and Syaoran had decided to spend that hour alone, since neither of them appeared at the door, calling us to make them company.

I stood up, turned my desk and chair, and sat again, and now facing Eriol, I saw how he was doing his best not to laugh.

"Your hair is a mess."

I blushed, completely red. I was so ashamed, embarrassed. Not waiting for him to say another word, I hurried to my backpack, and looked for a hand brush, to fix the disaster my hair was.

"It's all because of the humidity!" I cried. "This damn rain…"

"If it's that bad, why don't you tie your hair?"

"You asked me to wear the black velvet diadem!"

"Y-you didn't have to if it would make you feel bad. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." I whispered, still sad, but I had managed to fix my hair, so I placed the brush back in my backpack. "You wouldn't have to ask for it, if I had used your gift any sooner. You had all the right."

"Just tie it if that's what you really want." He insisted. "Come on, i know you got a hair tie, or at least a scrunchie in your backpack. You're a girl after all."

I couldn't help but pout. Truth be told, I had at least two hair ties in my pencil case.

"If you don't do so, probably you'll end up pushing your hair ends in your lunch, and that's not very hygienic…"

I giggled, but finally did as he said. Yet, instead of tying my hair in a ponytail, I did a braid, and left the diadem in its place. That way, we could all be happy about it.

Rain had momentaneously stopped at the end of the classes, although the big gray cloud was still fixed over the whole city. Despite the storm that was about to fall over us at any minute, Eriol and I headed towards Penguin Park, and walked into the coffee shop to have a warm coffee and eat some of my chocolates. I had thought that was the best of our options: if either one of the boys who had gifted me the chocolate saw me, they would've been so offended, and that was definitely not what I wanted, since I was honestly so thankful of their attention.

We tried to divide it equally, as we drank our coffee, and ate some of them. When we finally divided the stock, and finished with our coffees, a single look at the sky told us we better hurried to go back home, before getting trapped in the downpour.

"You live nearby, right?" I asked as we walked by the orange brick road, and stopped at the corner of Penguin Park, where each of us would head on a different direction.

"Yeah, but I'll take you home." Eriol said, although I hurried to say no.

"You'll expose yourself to the rain. I got no problem with sharing my umbrella with you, but I think your best option right now is to go straight to your house, and avoid getting wet and thus catch a cold."

"Then, we better hurry to get you to your place." He insisted, but I did the same.

"Forget it. You live five minutes away, right? You can head straight to your place, and I can call my mom and asker to send me a chauffeur to pick me up…"

"Then, call her. I won't leave you until I see them pick you up."

I frowned. He was just so stubborn! As it seemed it would be impossible for me to convince him of going home until he didn't see me call my mom, I stepped away to call her. But it seemed my frizzed hair wouldn't be that day's only problem, since at that exact time a car drove in front of me, driving right on top a puddle, and thus getting me completely wet by the cold-dirty water.

"Okay." Said Eriol, looking at my wet legs, with his head slightly tilted, which I don't know why, made me blush. "You're coming with me."

"What?"

"To my place." He said. "You said it. I live five minutes away. If we wait for your mom to send someone to pick you up… You'll catch a cold."

"But…"

"Come on. If we run, we can make it on three."

And holding me by my wrist, that's exactly what we did.

I was already wet, so jumping over more puddles wasn't going to make much of a difference. Running was also the best of our options, since at that moment, rain started. It was a light rain, but it soon got worse, and if we stayed out even just one more minute, we would be completely soaking wet. So we ran even faster.

We finally stopped in front of a cute grey gate, with a wood roof, that gave us a momentary protection from the rain. We took our time to breathe deeply, looking at each other's eyes, as we couldn't help but laugh, as if we just had done something mischievous.

"We're here." He said, as he pointed with his head the house at the other side of the gate.

"Shall we get in?" I asked, as I also didn't take my eyes out of him.

"Let me look for the key." And I heard him search in his pocket.

But he also didn't take his eyes out of me. He kept on looking at me only, with that smile that make him look so handsome, and that made me smile him back.

Kiss me, I couldn't help but think. All wet, with the rain still heavily falling, standing in front of each other in that tiny space, I couldn't think of something else to do. I wanted him to kiss me, even when I knew this whim would change our friendship forever. Even when I was conscious that, if things didn't work out, I would once again lose my best friend. And yet, knowing the risks, I wanted him to kiss me.

The sound of the keys hitting the floor brought me back to reality.

"I'm sorry." Eriol said, breaking eye contact, and reaching for the keys. I did my best to pretend nothing had happened.

A couple of seconds later, he finally opened the gate, and thus we both walked inside the house.

We're getting close to the end.

Happy weekend.

Ribo~