Chapter 10

22 MINUTES

-TOMOYO-

Winter was over, and so was our second trimester. Once again we got ready for the exams in study sessions at Sakura's place, although this time we were quite relaxed and chill about our situation. Sakura and Syaoran could be kissing each other non-stop, but me and Eriol wouldn't give a damn about it, since we were quite busy studying on our own, as we also exchanged notes from time to time.

I felt Sakura looking at us in a couple of occasions, but I pretended not to notice. In the end, I had no idea if she actually suspected nothing, or she was just pretending in order to not make it awkward for us. Worst of it all, was that I honestly didn't care.

Spring came, then April arrived, and so it was once again Sakura's birthday. She let us know a week beforehand, as we were having lunch at school. A casual party at her place. Her and her family, which meant Touya and his soulmate would also be there.

Eriol and I looked at each other. Would Yukito bring Yue along with him? I couldn't even imagine it. Luckily for me, Eriol would be there, and thus, I had a backup if I needed to run away for any uncomfortable situation that might occur.

The day arrived. Sakura's birthday fell on a Wednesday, so we gave her our presents during lunch, but the party occurred the next Saturday. So, at three o'four, my house's doorbell rang, announcing Eriol was there to pick me up.

We walked towards Sakura's place while we talked about random stuff. We both knew Syaoran would be there, but it had been so long since we last had talked about him, that I didn't know if Eriol was still intimidated by him, or not. Despite we had been having lunch all together for the past few months, I had no idea if he was now totally okay with it, or was just holding it all in.

I felt kind of bad for not giving him a moment to think it through. I mean, we were obviously going, it was Sakura's birthday after all, but maybe Eriol needed a moment to calm his thoughts, and maybe we should also come with a plan B in case we needed to run away and don't make it look too obvious…

I did the only thing that came to my mind: I held his hand.

A soft squeeze. We hadn't intertwined our fingers, but I still could feel his warmth. We were at the corner of Penguin Park, waiting for the traffick light to change so we could cross the street. My touch made Eriol stop looking at the sign, and looked at me. He didn't try to let go of me, but his face showed he was wondering what was going on in my mind.

But then, the traffic light changed color, and slightly pulling him, we continued walking.

"It's okay." I said, as we walked. "We're gonna make it."

We arrived at the Kinomoto household fifteen minutes later, and it was until we stopped in front of the gate that we let go of each other. I couldn't help but feel sad. It had felt good. Nice. Although it was obviously my imagination the one that was making me believe we were more than friends, I liked to pretend for a moment that we could walk like that every day. I hoped Eriol wasn't weirded out by my audacity, and not giving him the chance to ask me not to do that again, I walked pass the gate, and finally stopped right in front of the front door, where I rang the doorbell.

It was Li who opened the door for us. For a moment I wanted to hold Eriol's hand once again, but I restrained myself. We walked inside the house, where professor Kinomoto asked us to head towards the backyard. It seemed once again we would be a lot of people for the tiny dining table, and since the weather was so nice, it was best to have a barbeque, at the yard where there was obviously more space.

In the end, I was right: Touya had arrived with Yukito, and Yukito had brought Yue along with him. Still, despite me thinking things would get awkward, Yue behaved nicely, making it clear there were no hard feelings between us.

As Yukito offered us something to drink (Coke for Eriol, apple juice for me), Syaoran came to talk with us. I eyed Eriol, but hurried to pretend my apple juice was so interesting, and just stood there, listening to my best friend's replies.

"We're two months away from the year end ceremony at school." Syaoran said. "And you never came to audition for the football club."

"I'm not that good at football…"

"Lies." Syaoran interrupted, in a happy, friendly tone. "Sakura told me you were the MVP during middle school."

"Well…" Eriol started, and I couldn't help but be surprised when I heard him say. "Is just that I'm not that sociable. It would be really hard for me to bond with the rest of the team. Fit in…"

"Oh, come on." And Syaoran giggled. "Sakura's friends are my friends too. I totally get you don't want me to make things easy for you, but if you decide to audition for the team, next year, and you make the cut (which I got no doubt about), I'll personally make sure you feel as part of the team. The rest of the guys are really nice."

I looked how Eriol smiled at him. That was a huge progress. Giving him one last discrete squeeze on his hand, I excused myself, saying I would go to look for more apple juice (although my glass was only half away), and let them both keep on chatting, as I headed back inside the house.

I found Sakura at the kitchen.

"Happy birthday!" I said once again, despite already wished her a happy birthday two days ago.

"Are you guys having a nice time?" She asked me with a smile, as she kept on decorating the white cake, with pink macarons.

"We're having a blast." I said, as I sat on the counter, and looked at Sakura's hard work. "Eriol and Syaoran are chatting."

"Without poking their eyes out?"

I looked at her, visibly surprised. She just shrugged her shoulders.

"I mean, I have the impression Eriol sees Syaoran, the same way Touya looks at him…"

"And how is that?" I asked.

"Like an over protective brother that is waiting for Syaoran to hurt me. That's not going to happen!" she added as she pressed a macaron into the cake. "Syaoran was destined by my counter. Everything's going to be okay. He's my soulmate. We might have just known each other for eight months, but I feel as if I knew him from my whole life. He does feel as if this is destiny."

I couldn't help but smile at her. I was so happy she was happy, although a part of me was sad for Sakura to think about Eriol as just a brother, when he had had depression for his overwhelming feelings for her… But I was also happy to know he was slowly getting over it.

"What about you?" Her question came out of nowhere.

"What do you mean?" I asked, doing my best not to stutter. Was it obvious I had feelings for him? Or maybe she suspected Eriol had feelings for me? Because if that was the case, then I…

"Well." Sakura said, as she kept on working on the cake. "Eriol's counter already hi zero a long ago, right? And yours stopped also long ago…"

She finally looked up, and saw me, perplexed. She did her best to say sorry, she didn't want to sound rude or heartless, but I interrupted her.

"How do you know about Eriol's counter?"

"I saw it the day we met." She said, calmly. "During our first day of middle school. After that, Eriol started wearing his ribbon, and I didn't know how to ask him about what had happened, without sounding rude, or being annoying."

"Just like mine, his counter doesn't work." I whispered.

"Nonsense." Sakura said, holding my wrist. She then turned my hand, letting us both see my tattoo. "It's going to move, Tomoyo. Maybe just something extra weird, or extra especial happened, and that's why it had to pause itself."

"What about Eriol's zero?" I jumped immediately. "Because I think you must know the person his counter hit zero for, already has a soulmate."

Now it was Sakura's turn to look at me, perplexed.

"He said so?" I nodded. "I had no idea…" She added in a whisper, and took her time to think about it." I don't know." She finally said. "Maybe Eriol was just desperate for his counter to reach zero, and that's why he believed that person was his soulmate."

"So, you're telling me the counters can be manipulated?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I can't see any other explanation."

That just reinforced my idea that, if I actually wished for it, with all my heart, my counter would start moving once again. And now there I was, spending my hours, my days, my weeks, imagining myself with a faceless boy, going out to walk around Penguin Park, buying ice cream, watching movies at the cinema, holding hands, playing under the rain, kissing after a midnight date…

My daydreams ended as soon as the faceless boy turned into Eriol.

Impossible. We were friends, nothing more. I was just confused since, after resuming our interrupted friendship for three years, we were making up for lost time, and that's why we had gotten so close, so fast. Besides, we had gotten so close because of such a weird motive: two useless counters, that simply wished for someone to tell them "I love you."

Yeah, that was not love. No matter how much I wished to believe it, I knew I was just fooling myself, believing this nonsense to justify how much I needed to be loved. Haven't I've been doing that for the past three months? Getting obsessed with meeting someone who would like me, and since Eriol had showed how much he cared for me, I had fooled myself into believing his love was pure and sincere…

But one thing was what Eriol felt, and another was what I felt.

Because, even when I scolded myself daily, repeating myself that my feelings were nothing but a stupid crush, I couldn't help but wonder: If I let this feeling flow, how much bigger can it grow? If I accepted my feelings, and confessed to Eriol, would he give me a chance? Despite we both knew that, if this was all wrong and things didn't work out, we could never go back to be friends?

I was so scared to lose him. We had already parted once. My depression almost got the best of me. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I went back to that state. If I lost him again… I don't think I would be strong enough this time.

I did my best to ignore those thoughts and feelings, but it was something quite impossible, since we were together all the time. We ate lunch together, and during the afternoons we used to walk around Penguin Park, or had coffee together at the coffee shop. He still took me home every afternoon, saying goodbye at my door. He was there, 24/7, because, even when he wasn't at my side, he was always in my thoughts. Even when I tried not to think of him, I always ended up picturing his face.

He was there, just some inches away from my touch. I could hold his hand, I could jump over him, and hug him, or even kiss him. He was a text or a call away. Maybe, if I called him during a stormy night, crying, he would hurry to my place, and after asking if I needed something, I could…

My chest hurt. It hurt for being so selfish. For wanting to Eriol to love me, even when I had no right to demand anything, since I already knew I didn't deserve to be loved. But, once again, I was so full of anger, and I couldn't help but take it against the whole universe. Why? Why can't he love me? Why can't he give me a chance?

And still, I was way more scared of myself, taking that chance. To know that, if I actually confessed my feelings for him, everything could come crumbling down.

I hugged my pillow. It was Friday afternoon. Usually, at that time, Eriol and I would be walking around Penguin Park, or drinking a coffee at the coffee shop. But I had told him I wasn't feeling that well, and after rejecting him to take me home, I arrived alone, and threw myself onto the bed.

I could tell he was worried. He had insisted in walking me home, to buy me any medicine that I could possibly need, but I rejected it all. In the end, he had to give up, and just let me go, as long as I promised to send him a text as soon as I made it home. I promised I would, but now, being there, lying in bed, covered under my blankets and hugging my pillow, I felt I just couldn't face him anymore, not even throw my phone screen.

I liked him, dammit, I liked him so much. Thinking about him made me so happy, it made my heart race. He was the reason I smiled. But we were friends, we were friends, we were friends… We were both broken, and even when two negatives make a positive, I was absolute sure that equation didn't apply to Eriol and I, since he didn't have the same feelings as I did.

My phone vibrated. I ignored it. It was probably a text from Eriol, asking if I had made it safe and sound. I couldn't face him. I just couldn't reply, even through a text. At that moment, I needed to get away from Eriol Hiragizawa, and think about how I could ignore this feeling that was slowly suffocating me.

My phone vibrated again. Two, three more times. I did my best to ignore it, but then, I thought: What if, after sending me so many texts, he decided it was best to come and see me? Facing him in person would be even worse. I started to heavy breathe, and still with that pain in my chest, I rushed to roll on the bed, and grab my phone. I had four texts from him.

I had to reply them, before he decided it was best for him to come all the way here, when actually that would only hurt me more.

But I couldn't type anything, as something else had caught my eye.

"25 mins"

I dropped my phone, and looked at my counter.

"What?" I couldn't help but say, unable to believe it. Was that a joke? Was i suffering from hallucinations? Just in case, I rub it, hard, as if I was expecting it to get deleted. But when I moved my hand, the tattoo was still there.

What was all that about?

I got up immediately. I still didn't get it. Had my soulmate come back from the death? Was this my second chance I had been wishing for, during all these years? Was I expected to get out of my house, in order to find him? And if that was the case, where should I head to?

Not thinking in what I was doing, still with a puffy face for all my crying, and still wearing my school uniform, I ran outside my bedroom, and ran downstairs as fast as I could. I took my keys, and not worrying about taking anything else with me, I opened the front door. And then, I froze.

"24 mins"

I couldn't walk out of the house. I wasn't brave enough. Was my counter playing with my feelings again? Just when I had accepted my feelings for Eriol, was my counter going to push me to somebody else's open arms? And what was I supposed to do with all these feeling I had for my best friend? Was I supposed to simply ignore it because my counter had said so? Fuck this shit!

I slammed the door, dropped my keys to the floor, and walked upstairs, back to my room.

"If my soulmate wants to meet me, he'll have to come look for me." I angrily said, as I once again laid on my bed, and looked at my counter once more.

"25 mins"

"Weren't you supposed to move in a countdown?" I asked, as if my counter could actually reply. And then, I remembered.

It was a compass.

I stood up once again.

Once again I ran downstairs, took my keys from the floor, and walked out the house, as fast as I could. I stopped when I closed my front gate behind me, and looked at my tattoo once more.

"23 mins"

And now? In which direction was I supposed to go? Left, right, north, south… I had no idea where to beging looking for him. And then, a voice in my brain said:

"Go to his place."

But, who's place?

Although I already knew where I was heading.

I turned left, and started running.

"22 mins"

Hello y'all. Next chapter is the last one, so thanks in advance for reading me during these past weeks.

Hugs to everybody, and have a nice weekend.

Ribo~