I hope you enjoyed chapter one.
Ch. 2 Whatever Makes You Happy I'm Pretty Sure it isn't Me
(CLARE)
Jake parks the truck at school Wednesday morning, and I hop out. Usually, Owen picks me up unless he has practice, but yesterday he said he was meeting Anya early to have their budget finalized. So, I came to school with Jake instead. Jake parts from me as soon as we're inside and I start walking to my locker, but I stop when I see Owen and Anya together in the halls. I'm trying not to be jealous or suspicious, but they look so comfortable together, beyond friendship comfortable. Both are smiling, Anya is definitely flirting, and Owen seems to be enjoying it, and even flirting back. I don't really mean to stop and watch them but can't seem to help it.
"Good morning Sweetums," Fitz says draping an arm around my shoulders.
"I think Sweetums is the worse one so far, he's a big hairy monster Muppet," I comment twisting my mouth.
"You're my adorable, tiny Muppet," Fitz replies, and I roll my eyes. "Why are we spying on your boyfriend?"
"I'm not spying…just watching," I reply slowly.
"Uh huh, let's watch closer then," Fitz comments. He tightens his arm around me, and we walk over to Owen and Anya.
Owen sees us approaching and takes me from Fitz's arm when we get close. Owen's arm replaces Fitz's around my shoulders, and he kisses me hello. Only on the temple though, with Anya watching us so closely I would think he'd actually want to kiss me. The fact that he seems to not want to kiss me in front of her has me worried.
"Hey," Owen greets Fitz.
"Hey, found your girl in the hall," Fitz replies.
"Did you two finish your budget?" I ask.
"Yeah, we did, I hope we're done. Working out a budget was hard and we're still not sure what Owen would make in tips," Anya responds.
"You two were smart getting it done early," Owen comments.
"I'm sure Miss Sauvé will throw us some surprises. The class is called parenting and she hasn't mentioned anything about kids yet," Fitz remarks.
"Hey that's right, we can't afford a kid," Anya groans.
"Owen could always get a second job as a gas jockey," Fitz says. Owen grimaces but I giggle.
"Maybe Anya should get a second job as a stripper," Owen grins.
"OWEN," Anya shrieks slapping his arm playfully. I'm suddenly feeling like a third wheel while standing with my boyfriend. When I see Adam and Eli down the hall, I see my exit.
"There's the other misfits, I need to talk to them, see you all in class," I comment slipping from Owen's arm.
"See you next period Bunny," Fitz calls rather loudly. I look back to twist my mouth at him and see Owen smack his arm with a scolding look.
"I think Fitz is enjoying that way too much," Eli remarks when I approach them.
"Hey Clare," Adam grins.
I stay with Adam and Eli until the bell, Eli waves to us and I walk with Adam to homeroom. While I do listen to Mr. Perino lecture in homeroom, I can't help my mind wandering to the worrisome way Owen and Anya were flirting this morning. Even after Fitz and I were standing with them. I hate being the possessive jealous girlfriend, but I feel like I'm losing Owen. My only other relationship was K.C. so I don't have much experience in this, but Alli and Jenna do. I decide to seek some advice from them at lunch. As we're leaving homeroom, I ask Alli if she and Jenna will have lunch alone with me. She says sure and we arrange to meet in the memorial garden at lunch.
"Alright class, budgets need to be finished and turned in by the end of class Friday. If you were approved for a mortgage or house, make sure those payments are worked in. If you're renting, make sure rent payments are worked in. Next week all couples will be getting pregnant or looking to adopt, so if your current situation does not have room for children look at moving and have that on your mind for next week. If you feel your budget is finished, please send it to me to review," Miss Sauvé says as soon as we're all sitting in class.
"We've already worked that all into our budget and we were approved for a four bedroom with a basement. What are we going to do for the rest of the week?" I question while sending Miss Sauvé our budget.
"Yeah, we didn't leave anything out, there's nothing to revise. Hey, we have an actual house picked out, all the pictures are online. What if we designed it, like picked out furniture or take pictures of our furniture at home and put them together. There's programs that do that, right?"
"Fitz that's brilliant! It will be as if we actually live there, we can create whole lives for our alter egos, I am a writer after all," I grin.
"Man, Miss S is going to flip when she sees it all. I bet we could even go to the open house this weekend and get more pictures if we needed," Fitz says.
"Let's pull up the realty site and see what's there, I'll grab one of the notebooks."
We spend the rest of class getting the pictures from the realty site of the house and then looking at furniture store sites for furniture. Anything we like we take a screenshot of and send to our school accounts. When the bell rings I put the notebook back and overhear Anya and Owen talking as they gather their stuff.
"We should meet after practice; we'll go to Romano's like we used to. Have dinner, look at getting a two-bedroom apartment and I can finally figure out about what I'd be making in tips," Owen says.
"Sounds great," Anya smiles while I cringe.
I don't stick around; I grab my backpack and walk out with Jenna and Adam. Jenna tells Adam we're having girl talk at lunch and links her arm with mine. We meet Alli in the memorial garden and I tell them I'm worried I'm losing Owen. Alli invites us over for a girl's night at her place, after we all check with our parents and get permission, we find Sav. He agrees to swing by my place and Jenna's so we can pack an overnight bag.
I don't see Owen again until school is out, he finds me and gives me a quick peck before heading to practice. I barely have time to tell him I'm sleeping at Alli's tonight. Sav stops at my house first and then Jenna's, we are both quick about packing a bag. Anything we might forget Alli will have and we're all about the same size. When we get to Alli's we greet Mrs. Bhandari and then go up to Alli's room to work on homework. It doesn't take us long and we're done by dinner, when we're back in Alli's room after dinner they both look at me.
"Okay, why are you worried about losing Owen?" Alli asks.
"Is it all the time he's been spending with Anya for class?" Jenna asks.
"Not just the time spent together, but they're flirting, even in front of me. Fitz brought up this morning that we'd have children. Anya said they couldn't afford a kid, and then Owen joked that she could get a second job as a stripper. Not only was I standing right there, but he had his arm around me and still said it. I thought he was over her, but lately it feels like I'm just in the way when the two are together."
"Lay claim to him Clare," Jenna says.
"Haven't I already by being his girlfriend?"
"She means sexually," Alli clarifies.
"Oh," is all I can say. I bite my lip rolling it between my teeth pondering whether or not I'm ready to take that step with Owen. We've done a little, which is to say I gave him a hand job for his birthday in November. It was kind of awkward, I didn't feel very sexy, and we've only kissed since. Given that experience am I really ready for sex?
(FITZ)
I walk into school Thursday morning and see Clare in the memorial garden. She's sitting on the edge of one bench looking at her phone, her back to the door. I go in quietly, going behind her and snatching the phone from her hand.
"Checking on the boyfriend so early? Tsk tsk," I tease. Then I see what she was looking at, seems she searched "How to seduce your man" and was scrolling through the results.
"Fitz!"
"Is Owen getting lucky this weekend?" I tease. At the same time, I feel my stomach drop.
"Give me my phone back Fitz," Clare demands.
"Clare, you're not seriously thinking of giving Owen your virginity because you're worried about him flirting with Anya, are you?" I question while handing her phone back.
She doesn't answer, just looks down as she bites her lip. I twist my face; she is thinking about it. She's going to throw away her virginity just because she's worried about Owen and Anya. Before either of us can say anything, Owen pokes his head in the door.
"Hey, you two look awfully serious for this early in the morning," Owen says.
"Just discussing some things about our project," I reply quickly. "I gotta visit my locker before class," I comment after a few seconds and Owen steps aside to let me out.
As I walk off, I catch them kissing from the corner of my eye. I hate the thought of Clare giving him her virginity, especially in an attempt to keep him when I don't think she has anything to be worried about. I just don't know how to tell her that or if I even should. When Owen comes into homeroom with a stupid grin on his face, I worry that Clare told him. Not that I think she told him she wanted to have sex this weekend exactly, but something that maybe put the thought in his head.
He wears that grin all through homeroom, and now I'm really worried. I expect him to say something when we leave homeroom and walk for second period, but he doesn't. Usually he tells me everything, so know I'm even more worried that he's not saying anything.
"If you sent me budgets yesterday, I sent them back and made notes, please look at those first. Don't forget to have in future spending a larger house or apartment to accommodate at least one child, some of you may be having multiples. Budgets are due by the end of class tomorrow with everything considered. Next week you'll be pregnant or looking into adoption and that will be the focus of next week, be warned I may throw in some surprises for some couples," Miss Sauvé says when we're all sitting in class.
"I'll grab a laptop and see if she has any notes for us on the budget," I comment. I take one of the laptops and sit back with Clare. The only note Miss S left us is to say that she's impressed and we're doing great.
"Let's continue building our home, we should set up one room as a nursery knowing we'll be having a baby soon," Clare says.
"Yeah, we'll get done what we can in class. Why don't you come over after school unless you have newspaper staff? We can work on the house and also look up pregnancy and all possible complications so we'll be prepared for anything Miss S might throw at us."
"I finished my story and sent it in, I can skip the meeting today," Clare replies and I smile.
We spend the rest of class arguing over furniture and room layout. When the bell rings Owen asks Clare if she's eating lunch with us, and she nods. Drew and Bianca join us for lunch and as we start eating Julian comes over.
"Party at my place Saturday night, you're all invited," Julian says and walks off.
"Will the warden let you out for a party?" Bianca asks Drew. By warden I assume she means his mom.
"As long as my chores are done and I'm home by curfew," Drew responds.
"Sweet, we'll be there," Owen says for him and Clare.
"Actually, we're going to Glen's mom's in Scarborough, but Jake can drop me at the party if we get out at a decent hour," Clare speaks up. I remembered her talking about this a couple weeks ago, so I'm surprised Owen didn't.
"Aww, well I'll miss you," Owen comments faking a pout and kissing her cheek. "You're coming aren't you Fitz?"
"Yeah, I'll be there," I nod.
"You know, since you may not make it to the party, with it being a bye week and I have practice in the morning we should go out tomorrow night," Owen remarks after a moment.
"Yeah, good idea," Clare says with a smile. I feel that pit in my stomach again, and immediately worry what she may have planned.
After lunch Owen walks Clare to her third period but I go straight to art. Eli is already in class, Drew and Bianca follow me in. Owen comes in a moment later, but he's not wearing that goofy grin this time. We watch a movie in environmental science, but I'm not really paying attention, I'm mostly thinking about Clare. Wondering if I can talk her out of sleeping with Owen tomorrow night.
"See you guys tomorrow, I gotta go find my wife and take her home," I comment as we leave last period.
"I think you mean we gotta find my girlfriend," Owen says.
"Sure, but I'm still bringing her back to my house," I shrug while Drew and Bianca snicker.
"I got basketball, see you tomorrow," Drew remarks. He gives B a kiss before he runs off for the gym. Bianca waves to us as she heads for the front. Owen and I find Clare at her locker.
"I gotta get to practice, see you tomorrow," Owen tells Clare before capturing her lips in a quick kiss.
"Let's go home Muffin," I grin putting my arm around Clare's shoulders.
"Dude, are you ever going to cut it out with those nicknames?" Owen questions.
"Sure, when I run out, but I'll never run out," I reply with a wink.
Owen rolls his eyes and Clare giggles as she slips out from my arm. Owen gives her another peck before running off for practice. We go out to my car, and I drive us back to my place. When we come in, we grab a snack from the kitchen and go up to my room. My curved desk already has two chairs at it, Owen comes over a lot to play video games on my computers. I have two set ups. I boot them both up so Clare can also work on one, each set up has two LCD screens. I told my parents I wanted a second computer setup for my 15th birthday. I thought they'd get me a laptop and smaller screen, but no they duplicated what I already had.
"I still can't believe your parents bought you a whole new gaming computer with two monitors. I could barely get my parents to buy me a monitor for my laptop," Clare remarks sitting in the other chair.
"I think they think if they aren't going to be around for me then spending money on me is the next best thing," I reply while logging into my school account.
"Oh, sorry Fitz."
"It's not your fault my parents are having issues and are workaholics," I shrug. "Now, what should we look up? Pregnancy problems?"
"I don't think that will quite give us the results we want," Clare giggles. "How about potential pregnancy complications?"
"Yeah, that's better," I nod. She's already typing it in, and we get a lot of results.
"Clare," I speak up as she clicks on the first result.
"Yeah?"
"You can't do it, it's a terrible idea," I tell her. She stops looking at the computer and looks at me with her forehead wrinkled in confusion.
"What are you talking about Fitz?"
"Sleeping with Owen I mean. Don't give him your virginity because you're worried about him getting back together with Anya. All you've done is give him one hand job you are not ready to have sex. You definitely shouldn't do so because you're worried about him flirting with Anya."
"Just how do you know how far we've gone?" She inquires with an annoyed look on her face.
"I've known Owen forever, and guys talk. It's not like he bragged about it in the locker room or anything, but he did call me as soon as he took you home that night."
Clare sighs, bites her lip, and looks away from me. "You don't know what I'm ready for Fitz, this isn't any of your business."
"I know you aren't ready for sex when you've never even done oral. Hell, you've never even been fingered by Owen, and you think you're ready for sex," I reply and see her cheeks go about seven shades of red.
"I don't want to talk about this with you," she says crossing her arms.
"I don't want you to jump into something you'll regret. Especially, something so big. I know that Owen loves you and if you're worried about the time he and Anya are spending together then talk to him. To just offer up your body hoping to make sure he's thinking about you when he's with her is not the way to go about it. You're worth so much more than that Clare."
She lets out sigh again, bites her lip and looks considerate. "We should get to our research," she replies after a moment.
"Okay," I nod looking at the computer. I really hope I got through to her.
We spend the next hour and a half looking at all the potential complications to pregnancy. When both my parents have texted to let me know they won't be home for dinner and I'm on my own I ask Clare if she wants to stay. She says sure and I order us pizza for dinner. Clare ends up staying until I have to get her home for curfew. We finish our research and then do the rest of our homework. She doesn't even mention going home until she gets a text from her mom just before nine reminding Clare of her weeknight curfew.
"Promise me you'll think about what I said," I request when I drop her at home.
"I will, thanks Fitz." She smiles as she slides out of my car.
I wait until she's inside and drive home hoping she really does think about it. I wish I could read her mind or be a fly on the wall tomorrow. I'm really worried that despite what I said she's going to go through with it.
(CLARE)
"Ready beautiful?" Owen questions when he finds me at my locker Friday afternoon.
I only saw him in class, I ate lunch with Eli and Adam today. Fitz and I finished up our house, using a photo program we were able to drop in the furniture we picked out. Some of furniture we already had, like Fitz took a picture of his desk set up and his bookshelf. We even designed a nursery in greens and yellows and greys so it's gender neutral since we don't know what we're having yet. It's not perfect, some of the pictures we found of furniture were at odd angles, but it's still more than anyone else in the class did.
"Yeah," I nod. Owen slips his arm around my waist, and we walk out to his car. Fitz's car is already gone.
"I thought we'd start at the mall; we'll get a snack from the food court, and you can help me look at suits for prom. I also need a dress shirt for my grandparent's anniversary next month. Then we'll go to that Thai place you like and the new Rom-Com on Queen Street. We can walk around and get dessert after," Owen says as he begins driving.
"Sounds good," I reply. The date sounds fine, but I can't help thinking that we're starting by shopping. Dinner and a movie is also pretty standard and I do love Thai, but it's not the most romantic restaurant. When he and Anya got dinner the other day, they went to a romantic restaurant that they went to a lot when they were dating. While it sounds like Owen did put thought into our date, it doesn't seem like he spent much on it.
We arrive at the mall and get a snack, sitting down to eat. We talk about our other classes and our friends while we eat. Owen finishes his drink and I still have a little of mine, but we toss our other trash and I sip at my drink as we walk down the mall. I toss my cup just before we enter the department store. I spend the next hour and a half looking at suits and dress shirts with Owen. He doesn't buy a suit, just tries some on, looking at various styles as we discuss prom. A dance that's still four months away and I haven't even thought about my dress yet. We do find him a nice shirt for his grandparent's anniversary.
When we leave the mall he drives us to my favorite Thai restaurant, and we order dinner. We start talking about our friends again, and in the back of my mind I'm debating whether or not to go through with my original plan and have sex with Owen. I did think about what Fitz said, all night, all day at school. I still don't know what to do.
Dinner is nice, though we spent the whole time talking about Drew and Bianca or Eli and Adam. After Owen pays for dinner he drives us to Queen Street, and we have some time before the movie. He got tickets on his phone at dinner, so we walk along Queen Street a bit before going to the theatre. Owen has his arm around me during the movie, though it wasn't a very good movie.
"Should we get dessert here or go back to my house? We have cookies and ice cream, and we can watch TV until I have to get you home," Owen says as we leave the theater.
"Let's go back to your house," I respond. It's almost automatic, and I still don't know if I'm going to go through with sleeping with Owen or not. Owen smiles and puts his arm around me as we walk back to the car. Aside from the radio in the car the drive back to his house is mostly silent. I may not be saying anything but my mind racing, arguing with myself and everything Fitz said last night about whether or not I should sleep with Owen tonight. When we get to Owen's house, I notice that it looks rather dark. "Where's your family?"
"My parents had a dinner party tonight and Tris is at a friend's house overnight. I doubt my parents will be home for at least three hours," Owen says as we get out of the car.
The fact that we'll be alone in his house, probably until he has to get me home, is not helping my internal debate one bit. When we get inside Owen gets out ice cream and we make sundaes. Sitting at the table to eat but he puts on the living room TV. After eating and taking care of our dishes we move to the sofa, he puts his arm around me, and I cuddle into him.
"So," I venture during a slow part in the show we're watching, "how's it been being partnered with Anya?"
"It's nice to be friends with her again, I always did like hanging out with her."
"Do you want to get back together with her?" I question slowly. Owen pauses the TV and looks at me.
"No, I love you, you know that," Owen replies.
He cups my face and captures my lips. His lips linger on mine, there's passion and caring, but there's also something lacking in the kiss. I know he cares about me, but it feels like he's pulling away at the same time. Despite what he said I still feel like he's hiding something.
"I love you too," I reply when he takes his lips away.
Owen grins and resumes the TV we cuddle on the sofa for the next few hours until I have to be home. Owen takes me home, walks me to the door and gives me a tender kiss goodnight. In the end it was the kiss that ended the debate for me. If I'm not even sure that he truly loves me, that we're in love, then I shouldn't sleep with him. I don't want to lose him to Anya, but it's possible I already have.
(FITZ)
I'd been at Julian's party for about three hours. After the initial hour of greeting people and talking, Owen and I had gone to the rec room to play pool. When K.C. and Dave came in and wanted to play I left to get some food. I'd eaten and was now wandering the party with a drink in hand when I get bumped into. I feel the smaller figure start to stumble back and instinctually whirl around to steady her.
"Sorry Fitz," Clare apologizes as I catch her waist.
"No problem, glad you made it to the party," I reply still holding her waist.
"Yeah, me too, have you seen Owen? I can't find him," she says.
"We were playing pool in the rec room a while ago, that's where I left him. Come on, I'll help you look," I tell her. I remove my hand from her waist but take her hand, so she doesn't get lost in the crowd. I doubt Owen is still in the rec room, but we start there, looking for him along the way. We enter the rec room and find Dave, K.C. and Alli in here but not Owen.
"Have you guys seen Owen?" Clare asks.
"He left a while ago, I think he said he was hungry," Dave replies.
Clare says thanks and we leave the room. All the food is set up in the kitchen, so that's our next stop. We see some kids, but not Owen.
"Have any of you seen Owen?" Clare inquires.
"Yeah, he and Anya went outback about half an hour ago," Jasper tells us. Upon hearing this Clare immediately tenses.
"I'm sure they're just talking," I tell her when we turn away from the others.
"Yeah, about getting back together. How do we get out back?"
"Let's get our coats," I comment.
"No, I just want to find them," she replies.
"Okay, come on." I take her down the hall to the back door and we go through. Owen and Anya aren't in the yard, but there is a pool house. The pool is covered as it's January, and the pool house is dark, but it's the only place they could be if they were out here. "They must be in the pool house," I comment as we begin walking that way. When we reach the pool house I open the door, it's dark and quiet and when I flip on the light it's empty.
"Maybe Jasper meant the front yard?" Clare says.
We turn around to go out front and stop dead in our tracks. Julian's house has a basement but the only way to get to it is from the outside. It's split between a sewing room for his mom and a workout room. The light in the workout room is on, Owen sits on a weight bench, Anya in his lap and the two are having one fiery make out session. I storm over and lean down hitting the window to break them apart. They look up and see me, and probably Clare standing behind me.
"WHAT THE HELL?" I holler at Owen.
Owen looks guilty, but he's not exactly shoving Anya off his lap. I turn around just in time to see Clare run into the house with her fists clenched. I run after her, she's fast and makes it to the front door grabbing her coat and running out. I don't bother getting my coat, just run out and catch Clare at the end of the driveway. I grab her arm and she turns to me, her head on my chest as she begins to sob.
"I'm sorry Clare, there has to be an explanation," I say while rubbing her back. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her or myself.
"Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't love me and he's a cheating bastard," she spits. Then she rips away from me and looks up at me with anger on her face, but such pain in her eyes. Pain that I would do anything to take away. "Did you know?"
"What?"
"Did you know Owen was cheating with Anya? Have you been trying so hard to convince me that Owen would never do that to protect your best friend? Did you know that Owen wanted to get back together with Anya and were just placating me because we're partnered in class. Did you enjoy making me look like a fool?" Clare accuses with tears running down her face.
I don't know what hurts more, her words or that she thinks I would protect Owen and tell her he wasn't cheating when I knew he was. I know she's angry and shocked right now, but it stabs at my heart that she thinks I would hurt her that way. "No Clare, I had no idea, you have to believe me, I would never protect Owen if I knew he was cheating."
"You expect me to believe that?! You're his best friend and you told me just the other night you two talk about everything. You expect me to believe he didn't tell you he was cheating with Anya and ask you to distract me or keep me from finding out?"
I open my mouth to argue that I wouldn't have yelled at him or taken her outside if I knew. However, when I open my mouth to say her name it's Owen's voice that comes out.
"Clare," he calls running over to us and grabbing her arm, "wait please I…"
"Don't touch me!" Clare shrieks wrenching her arm away from him. "We're through Owen, I can't even look at you right now! I asked you last night if you wanted to get back together with Anya. You looked me in the eye and said that you didn't, and you love me."
"If we'd switched partners like I'd suggested this wouldn't have happened," I speak up. I know this will hurt Owen, but I want Clare to know I had no part in this.
"Is that true? Did Fitz suggest that you two should switch?" Clare asks him with her eyes wide from shock.
"Well," Owen says rubbing the back of his neck and looking away from her embarrassed, "yes but…"
Owen can't say anything else as she slaps him really hard.
"Clare…" Owen starts but she cuts him off.
"Don't! I can't right now! I don't want to hear it; I don't want to look at you. You told me you love me and then you cheat after knowing what my dad did. We're done Owen, I'm leaving," she says and turns running down the street. Owen starts to go after her, but I put my hand on his chest and stop him.
"Out of my way Fitz, I need to stop her, talk to her," Owen says.
"No, you need to give her some time, she's too angry to talk," I tell him. Owen deflates and when I look over my shoulder Clare has disappeared from sight. Owen turns and starts walking back to the party, I go with him. "How could you be such an idiot Owen; you just lost the best thing that ever happened to you. How could you break her heart like that?"
"I…don't know," Owen sighs.
We return to the party and Owen goes straight to the kitchen, no doubt to get something to drink. I grab my coat and get in my car; I drive a bit looking for Clare, but I don't see her. I try calling a couple of times, but she doesn't answer. I leave a voicemail asking her to call me, I doubt she will though. I almost call Jake and ask him if he picked her up, but if he didn't, I don't want him to worry. I go home to find my mom home, wave to her and go up to my room. I'm up all night, worried about Clare and angry at Owen.
Sorry Clowen fans but this is a Flare story. The update will pick up from about here in Clare's pov. I haven't entirely decided what's going up next so stay tuned.