Looking Backwards

by ToastyMagic

(Self Insert) After arriving in Gravity Falls by literally falling into it, Matt is dazed and confused. He is sent back from 2020 to 2012 with his knowledge of the show and he soon finds himself in the Mystery Shack where Stanley Pines takes him in. How'd he get there? Why are things changing? I guess you'll have to find out along with him.

4. Headhunters

Boom, twenty thousand word update for you cuz you guys are the best!

I was dreaming. It was something about being back home with my friends and catching up because I had gone missing for a week. There were eight or nine of us just lounging in my living room, enjoying each other's company. I missed them. It has been quite some time since I've seen these guys and I was very happy, even if it was only a dream. Suddenly, mid conversation, everything froze. At first I was confused, trying to slap one of my friends to see if they were just messing with me. Then the colors started to fade, rather quickly might I add. I stood up and whirled my head all around the room, only seeing something like this in a certain show and only when a certain character was involved.

In an instant my dream became lucid. I clapped my hands and the scene changed from my living room to an open field underneath a starry night sky. I was hoping that the change of location would also get rid of the lack of color, everything remained grey. I shook my head, trying to push myself out of whatever trap I was laid in, but it was no use. I couldn't even wake up.

"Sorry kid, we need to talk first." I heard a voice say from behind me. I pivoted to my left so I could see who was talking to me. It was a man, he was shorter than I was, wearing a plain red flannel along with plain blue jeans. On his face there was a scruffy goatee matching the color of his hazelnut hair. It couldn't be. He tried to step closer, but since this was the mindscape, my mindscape, I ignited my hand with a ball of flame making him stop. "Calm down." He said. "I'm a friend, I promise."

"So, are you appearing as Alex Hirsch to bring my guard down?" I asked and he shook his head in response. "Do you seriously expect me to think that you aren't Bill Cipher?" Alex didn't look amused by my statement.

He snapped and a chair appeared behind him so he could sit down. "I'm not that monstrosity. I am the god of this world, its creator." He said to me leaning back in his chair. "Bill hasn't been summoned to Gravity Falls ever since Stanford fell into the portal, but he will return." He was right. The demon did say that it was good to be back after Gideon summoned him, implying that he had been gone for quite some time.

"Are you actually-"

"Alex Hirsch?" He finished my sentence with a smirk. "No. He and I are two different entities, however, I guess you could say that man is your dimension's version of me. I created this world and he made a television show mirroring the events taking place in Gravity Falls into your world. Perhaps in a way we are connected."

"So Gravity Falls is more than just a show?" I asked, making Alex laugh.

"You're here aren't you?" He exclaimed with outstretched arms in my direction. "I need your help, I am unable to interfere directly with the events that take place in the world I created. I need somebody from another dimension to work with me.

"You're the one that brought me here?" I asked, completely taken aback when he nodded. "WHY?!"

"Jeez, calm down, the fate of reality is at stake. Besides, it's not like you're not enjoying yourself," Alex justified. It was true, I have been having a lot of fun in the short time I've been here.

I rolled my eyes and gave a quick nod. "Yeah, you're right," I said quietly. "Why do you need me? There better be a good reason for you taking me away from my family and friends!"

He made a calming gesture with one of his hands. "As I'm sure you know, Bill Cipher is an omnipotent being, constantly threatening this world," Alex explained. "Just before his destruction in the future, he invoked the Axolotl."

"A different form, a different time."

"Exactly. Bill, the one in the present, now knows how he will be defeated in Stanley's mind. You're here to make sure that he dies."

I looked at him like he was insane. Bill Cipher is literally a god, able to change anything he wants to his whim with no effort. He is a being of pure energy and no weakness. And I'm a kid.

"How am I gonna do that?!" I exclaimed. "I'm a teenager, I don't have any special powers!"

"Perhaps," Alex said with a small chuckle. "But, he doesn't know anything about you. Use that to your advantage."

"But why me?" I asked. There are thousands of people who would love to be in this situation. "Why did you choose me?"

Alex smirked at me, "I guess we'll find out."

I woke up. The weird stone that I had taken from the gift shop was now in my hands. I sat up and looked at the twins sleeping forms and then back to the stone in my grasp and let out a quiet sigh. "Can I ever catch a break?" I asked myself while setting the stone back on the nightstand above me. This was a matter that I would think about in the morning…

"I'm afraid your service won't be required here, sir," A voice from the tv said. It was now late in the morning and the twins and I were watching Duck-tective. Mabel was knitting a new sweater while Dipper was hounding down a large popcorn bowl courtesy of Stan's horrible parental habits. I was sitting on the couch and the twins sat near my feet on the floor. Mabel tried to grab a handful of popcorn, but Dipper swatted her hand away without taking his eyes off the screen. It had been a cold morning, so I decided to wear the sweatshirt that Soos gave me. Mabel had stuck true to her word and sewed the torn fabric back together. For whatever reason, she only had yellow fabric at the time and she decided to fix the hole with a patch resembling my first initial, 'M.'

"My men have examined the evidence and this is obviously an accident," The constable stated. I could see why the twins enjoyed this show, the duck's lines were witty and fun and the constable always said his lines with such emphasis and expertise. In this episode, the constable was briefing Duck-tective about a man who had died in a telephone booth.

'Accident, constable?' The duck quacked as his subtitles showed up on the screen. 'Or is it…' The camera zoomed in on the duck's face. 'Murder?!'

"WHAT?!" The constable yelled very dramatically as a duck foot appeared on the screen.

"Duck-tective, will return after these messages," The announcer stated as the show cut to commercial break.

Mabel dropped her knitting needles and grabbed her face in admiration. "That duck is a genius," She stated with wonder in her eyes.

"Eh," Dipper started, crossing his arms across his chest. "It's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground."

Mabel didn't look impressed. "Are you saying that you could outwit Duck-tective?" Mabel asked, putting her hands on both of her hips while squinting at her brother.

"Don't forget," I said, grabbing Mabel's attention and gestured between Dipper and I, "We were the ones that figured out the Gobblewonker was actually a Mommawonker."

Dipper craned his head to look up at me. "Nah, that was mostly you," He replied, in a surprisingly humble way.

"Even better!" I said leaning down, pushing his cap over his eyes and looking at his sister. "I was the one that figured out that she was a Mommawonker."

Dipper gave a quick laugh as he fixed his hat. "Plus, Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation," He stated while leaning closer to his sister. "For example, just by smelling your breath I can tell that you have been eating…" Dipper paused and sniffed the air. "An entire tube of toothpaste?"

Mabel faced away from the both of us out of embarrassment. "It was so sparkly," She said rubbing her hand.

"Well I can't blame you then," I said, lifting her spirits.

"Hey, Dudes!" Soos yelled as he barreled into the room. "You'll never guess what I found!"

"Buried treasure!" I exclaimed before either of the twins had a chance to respond. Dipper looked back at me, that was what he was going to say. "Sorry, my keen senses of observation got a little out of hand there." Dipper gave a smile and rolled his eyes at my mockery.

Soos led us out of the room and down the hall, broom in hand. "So I was cleaning up when I found this secret door hidden behind the wallpaper," He explained, walking up to the door. "It's crazy-bonkers-creepy." Soos pushed open the door, tearing some cobwebs and revealed the collection of wax figures.

Dipper stepped inside the dark room and pulled a flashlight out of literaly nowhere. "Whoa!" He exclaimed. "It's a secret wax museum."

I spotted Stan across the room in the shadows and decided that it would be best if I made his presence known. "Goodmorning, Stan," I said and Dipper shined the light on his grunkle, Soos and Mabel looked over as well.

"Hello!" Stan yelled making everyone but me jump back.

"AHH! DUDE, IT'S ALIVE!" Soos screamed as he dropped his broomstick and ran out of the room with the twins in tow.

"MATT!" Mabel yelled as she ran out of the room. "SAVE YOURSELF!"

I just rolled my eyes. "He's not that terrifying," I said with a sigh looking back at Stan and then visually grimacing. "On second thought, maybe they're right."

A few minutes later, I had recollected the twins and Soos and brought them back into the room. Soos was in the kitchen eating out of pure panic, Dipper was hiding behind the couch flipping frantically through the journal and Mabel was next to her brother ready to strike with her previously discarded sewing needles. The lights were turned on now making the room slightly less creepy.

Slightly.

"Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum," Stan stated proudly once everyone had calmed down. "It was one of our most popular attractions!" He then started to rub the back of his neck and added, "Before I forgot all about it."

I crossed my arms and shook my head. "Stan, there is something wrong with you," I said, avoiding eye contact with any of the cursed wax figures. Stan just ignored me.

"I got 'em all-Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes," He listed while walking down the long line of figures. He then paused before a representation of Larry King. "Some kind of, I don't know, Goblin Man."

"Is anyone else getting the creeps here?" Dipper asked on edge.

Stan must have not put in his hearing aid yet because he ignored his nephew as well. "And now for my personal favorite," Stan extravagantly held his arms out gesturing to a puddle of wax, "Wax John Wilkes Booth, right over-" He then noticed that the statue was melted. "Oh, No! Come on! Who left the blinds open?!" His gaze quickly flew over to another statue. "Wax Abraham Lincoln, I'm blaming you pal!" He then bent down to the wax puddle at his foot, "Actually I can't say I blame him though, 'Honest Abe' had to get his hands dirty for some old fashioned revenge. I can respect that." This is just great! Things are already going different, I thought with a roll of my eyes. Stan then stuck his hand in the wax. "How do you even fix a wax figure?"

Mabel spotted the distressed look on her grunkle's face. "Cheer up Grunkle Stan," She said while leaning on him. "Where's that smile?" Mabel then aggressively poked his face. "Beep bop boop."

"Ow."

"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan," Mabel said once he stood up. "I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax."

"You really think you could make one of these puppies?" He asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Fifty bucks says she can!" I yelled from across the room.

"Ha! I like those odds!" Stan exclaimed pointing at me.

"Don't doubt me Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts master," Mabel said confidently with her arms folded behind her back. "Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?" She asked as she presented her right arm, shaking it wildly.

"I like your gumption, kid," Stan stated while admiringly pointing at his niece.

"I don't know what that word means, but thank you."

Within the hour, we had moved all the wax to Stan's parlor along with some extra that Stan had lying around for some reason. I'm not going to ask questions, all I know is that the wax figure of Queen Elizabeth went missing and then suddenly Stan comes in with some extra wax. Like I said, I'm not gonna ask any questions.

Mabel was wearing a smock over her sweater and a beret on her head while standing on a small stepping stool. I had just finished bringing all the tools she needed when Dipper walked in. He was taking a swig of Pit Cola from a can when Mabel suddenly jumped at him, startling the poor kid and making him cough up and drop his drink.

"Dipper! What do you think of my wax figure idea?" She asked while pointing to a pad that she had been sketching on. "She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess." He locked eyes with me and I just shrugged.

"Maybe you should carve something from real life," Dipper suggested.

"I don't know, man," I said, grabbing his attention. "What if that is a real thing." Seriously though, what if it is.

"Nah, Dipper's right, it's a little over the top," Mabel admitted. "What about this?" She asked, drawing another sketch on her pad on a different sheet of paper. "A waffle with big arms!" She exclaimed, showing us her drawing.

I could tell Dipper was close to giving up on this matter. "Ya-okay, or, ya know, something else, like someone in your family," Dipper said, gesturing between the three of us.

"Kids!" Stan yelled as he entered the room, wearing his suit jacket and fez but no pants. "Have you seen my pants?" He asked, propping one foot up on a box and bringing one hand over his eyes to channel his sight. Not gonna lie, I heard heavenly music in my head when I looked at him.

Mabel's eyes dilated and bit her lip in excitement. "Oh muse, you work in mysterious ways," she said looking at the ceiling, making Dipper stare disappointingly at his sister.

"Why is your sister talking to the ceiling?" Stan asked his nephew.

"I'm not sure," I answered. "But I do know that you should get ready to pay up when I win this bet!"

"Yeah right," Stan scoffed as he walked out of the room in search of his pants with Dipper close behind.

"Let's show 'em what you got Mabes." I said giving her a thumbs up, she reciprocated the action with a smile. I handed her a pair of goggles from the supplies box that I had brought for her and Mabel strapped it tightly to her face while I turned on a boombox that Soos lended us to keep her hyped up while she worked. Mabel wasted no time, she took a hammer and started chiseling away at the block of wax. It was evident that she really was an arts and crafts master. Mabel managed to sculpt the figure in four hours and it took her another hour to add a layer of paint.

Soos, Wendy and Dipper brought in a bucket of glitter while Mabel inspected her almost completed creation. "I think it needs more glitter," She speculated with squinted eyes.

"Agreed," Soos said, handing her the bucket. Mabel splashed the figure with the entirety of the bucket's glitter without any hesitation.

Stan now walked in looking down at his feet. "I found my pants, but now I'm missing my-" Stan let out a terrified yell and fell to the floor.

"What do you think?" Mabel asked her collapsed great uncle hopefully.

"I think… The wax museum's back in business!" Stan cheered, still on the floor. I cleared my throat loudly and brought an open palm down towards Stan, making his face fall. With a sigh, he reluctantly pulled out some money. I counted the bills to make sure it was the correct amount, it was Stan after all, and I was pleasantly surprised that it was real money and the correct amount. Wendy gave me a high five for my victory.

"Scammer gets scammed, sucka!" She yelled in her boss's face.

"Wait hold on," I said looking at Stan, "Did it seriously take you five hours to find your pants?"

He didn't make eye contact and responded with, "I don't know how to answer that." Stan hastily retreated out of the room and down to his office with us trialing close behind. My eyes widened once I saw what Stan was standing next to.

"I'm not sure if this old girl is going to be able to work after this." He said while patting an old and dusty copier machine. "But we need to copy flyers for this reopening, it's a necessary comprimise." Stan pulled out a flyer that he must have made while he was searching for his pants, either that or he just had it lying around. He placed the paper on top of the machine. The twins, Soos and Wendy looked skeptically at the copier while I held my breath, this was an accident waiting to happen.

Stan pushed a button and a green light swept slowly over the paper and a few seconds later, a perfect copy was printed out of the side of the machine and rested harmlessly on an extended trey protruding out of the machine. Then another, and another, and another until thick smoke sputtered out of the copier for a moment. I let out a sigh of relief, good I don't have to worry about this machine right now.

"Well this will have to do," Stan stated, taking the flyer copies out of their trey. "Matt and Soos, you guys go into town and put these up." He handed Soos the pile of papers and I grabbed a stapler that was resting on Stan's desk.

"You got it Mr. Pines!" Soos exclaimed while giving his boss a salute. He waved his hand in my direction. "Let's get going, dude!"

As we exited the room, I heard Stan call from behind us, "Make sure people will actually see them Soos!"

"Mr. Pines has such a good sense of humor," Soos laughed light heartedly. I laughed as well, knowing that there must have been a reason for Stan to point out something so obvious.

Soos held the front door open for me as he pulled the keys of his pickup truck out of his pocket. With a quick beep, the truck's doors were unlocked and I stepped inside and sat down on the slightly ripped leather seats. Once I slammed the passenger door shut, the scent of pizza and pit cola forcefully invaded my nostrils. Surprisingly, it wasn't a terrible aroma, in fact, I would expect nothing less from good old Soos. He must be too busy with work at the Mystery Shack to ever really give his car a good cleaning, or at least that's what I hoped. Soos wordlessly entered the car and took his rightful seat behind the steering wheel while handing the flyers to me. I set them carefully in my lap and Soos started the truck's engine and pulled us out of the shack's parking lot.

We rode in a comfortable silence, the radio softly playing some music through the car. It was a song that I have never heard before, but I couldn't help but tap my foot lightly against the floor as we made the rough transition from dirt to asphalt. Soos pushed his foot down on the gas pedal a little harder now that we were on nice even terrain and rolled down his window slightly to get a bit of a breeze inside the cabin to combat the hot summer air. The handyman took a deep breath through his nose, rejoicing the cool sensation that swept through his body.

"It's a beautiful day isn't it Matt?" Soos asked as he exhaled, eyes watching the road with discipline.

I nodded in agreement. "It sure is," I confirmed with a quick gaze out the passenger window, taking in the lush green of the sturdy pine trees that lined the side of the road. It's a shame that we have to waste it with the reopening of the Wax Museum.

"How are you liking the Shack so far, dude?" Soos asked, trying to spark a conversation. I smiled as I looked out the windshield once more.

"It's great, man. Much better than I thought it would be," I responded. "Too bad we actually have to be doing work," I added while patting the flyers against my lap to straighten them out.

"Well, you'll get used to it eventually," Soos replied with a small chuckle. "There will be time to go hunt monsters or whatever it is you and the twins do. Speaking of, any idea when the photo competition results are going to come in?"

"They are announcing the winners tonight actually," I answered, running my right hand through my hair. "As crazy as it sounds, I think we might actually have a chance of winning. Stan got some pretty good pictures while the rest of us were panicking."

"We totally were, dude!" Soos exclaimed, making us both break out into laughter. During the Gobblewonker adventure, Stan had captured many pictures that were definitely contest worthy. Most of them were photos of the monster chasing us while we were on Soos's boat, but he had gotten one of me when the Gobblewonker had me in its grasp. The twins found the picture funny because of the distressed look on my face while I found that it served as a constant reminder that you can never be too careful. Especially in Gravity Falls.

My laughter slowly subsided as my eyes set on the Tent of Telepathy. I cleared my throat. "What is that tent thing over there?" I asked, pointing to it.

"Oh, that's the Tent of Telepathy," Soos replied. "I've never been but Mr. Pines says the person who runs it is an evil mastermind. He also kinda forbade me from going inside."

"So what is he, competition?" I asked and Soos nodded. I gave the tent another look. "I think we may have found our first stop then, Soos," I said with a mischievous tone.

"I like your thinking, dude!" Soos exclaimed as he turned into the tent's parking lot. "Perfect loophole too. Mr. Pines said I couldn't go, but he never said anything about you, dude!"

We had to be quick, in and out, and not raise much suspicion. Soos kept the truck running as I stepped out with five flyers and the stapler. I quickly made my way to the entrance of the tent where two white pillars held open the tent flaps so tourists could enter. Luckily there was no one there due to the lack of a show. Perfect. I stapled two papers onto one of the pillars and then quickly did the same for the other one. Since I had one left, I decided that the best place to put it was right over the schedule for show times. People entering the tent would more than likely see the flyers that I had planted.

Satisfied with my work, I turned away and began to retreat back to the truck. However, something caught my eye. Something that was short, had white hair and a pig nose. Gideon was staring at me through the window of his house just across the lot. I stopped moving back to the truck and looked back. I could tell that he was immediately suspicious of me as soon as we locked eyes, his stare was cold and dark. I'm sure pretty much everyone in town knew who this kid was, giving him very manipulative power, a power that no doubt got to his head. He probably thought that I was one of his "Sheep," and that I would crack under the weight of his presence. No way was I gonna let him force me into silent submission.

I smirked at him and while his expression had not changed, I could tell that he was surprised by my action. Next, I squinted my eyes at him and gave him a mock salute. As soon as I at-eased, I continued making my way back to Soos's truck. Gideon did not like this. How could I tell? Well, my body suddenly turned icy cold, just like the little runt's stare. He was trying to give me a scare with the amulet, trying to show that he was not one to be messed with...

Too bad I was still gonna mess with him.

Once again, I stopped and turned to face the window. Slowly and methodically, I shook my head at him, with a somewhat serious look. I continued moving back to the truck and made sure that I was moving at a speed that was no faster than a walk, showing that I wasn't afraid of him. I know I said that you could never be too careful, but come on! When am I ever going to get another chance to actually mess with this guy!

I opened the passenger door and ducked into the truck's cabin. "Gun it!" I exclaimed as soon as I sat down. Soos, being the perfect employee that he was, immediately complied and within seconds we were back out on the road. Just because I'm not afraid of Gideon doesn't mean that I didn't want to get out of there. He's still a total creep.

"Dude," Soos began, "You totally beat that kid in that staring contest."

"I sure did, Soos," I responded with a small but slightly nervous chuckle. Yup, we were totally having a staring contest, big guy. I looked over the flyers that were remaining and winced. "Uh Soos?"

"Yeah dude?" He responded with a side glance. I held the fyler out to him so he could read it and he smiled broadly. "We're gonna get free pizza! Oh, dude! I am so down!"

I shook my head while rereading the flyer. How could I be so stupid? "It says that people are going to get free pizza when they buy a ticket." The flyer was primarily dominated by a pizza with eyes and Stan's fez on top of its "head." I don't know how I didn't remember this, especially after the comotion it caused in the show. Maybe I was a little more on edge than I had thought while I was at the tent. "It is a smart scam, though. People will go to anything when there's pizza involved."

"Heh-heh, that's true," Soos chuckled. "People will come to this reopening for sure."

"Yeah but there's just one problem," I said while setting the flyers aside. "We don't have any pizza. Did you see any at the Shack, because I didn't. Plus, I don't think Stan is going to go out of his way to go get some, he's got his work cut out for him."

"Huh, I guess you've got a point there. Should we like, go get some?" Soos suggested.

"I mean, probably," I replied, slightly tilting my head. Why was I even bothering? The lack of pizza didn't casue the murder of Wax Stan so there would be no real reason to go and out and get free pizza for the people attending. I started running my hand through my hair repeatedly absentmindedly. Actually, the twins went on a wild goose chase thinking that he murder happened becasue of the lack pizza. If the pizza issue is taken out of account, then we can get right onto the wax figure's trail, not to mention it would be good for the Shack's reputation.

"You okay, dude?" Soos asked with worry. "Is your amnesia acting up, dude? Do you need me to pull over?" I smiled at his concern, almost laughing because clearly he had no idea how amnesia worked.

"Nah man. Nothing like that," I responded, taking my hand out of my now slightly messy hair. "I was just thinking about how much pizza we're gonna need to get for this event." I had almost forgotten that he knew about my "amnesia" since he had never brought it up. I guess he could keep a secret after all.

"Well, Mr. Pines is probably gonna want us two dudes back at the Shack to finish setting up. What if I drop you off at a pizzeria and I'll go finish setting up all the flyers," Soos suggested. "I do know where all the popular places in town are after all."

"Alright," I nodded, "We can try that." Soos can do this on his own… right?

"Okay, the Pizza place is just down the road. Do you need any cash?" Soos asked, taking one hand off the steering wheel and into his pocket for his wallet.

"No I'm good, I'll just use the money that Stan gave me when he lost that bet," I said while shaking my head.

"You sure, dude?" Soos asked once more.

"I'm positive, man!" I said as I gave him a light punch on the shoulder so he would take his hand out of his pocket. "Besides, you already helped me out a ton with the whole clothes situation on my first day here. I don't need to be taking more money from you."

"Suit yourself," Soos said with a chuckle while turning on his blinker, indicating not only that we were turning right, but that we had reached our destination.

"'Tony's Pizza,'" I read aloud, looking at the bright red sign above the building. "Isn't that a bit cliche?"

"Hey, say what you want about the name, but it's the best pizzeria in Gravity falls," Soos said proudly with a slap of the steering wheel for emphasis.

"Is that because this is the only pizzeria in Gravity Falls?" I asked with an arched eyebrow. Soos was quiet and his expression fell.

"Well there is Hoo-Ha Owl's but that really isn't a pizza place, and their pizza is mostly grease," Soos explained, making me shiver.

"I'll take your word for it, dude," I said while stepping out of the car. "I doubt I'll be more than half an hour, so try to be back before then."

"You got it, dude," Soos replied while shifting his truck back into drive. "I'll see you soon." And with that, he was back on the main road and out of sight. I stepped away from the curb and walked up to the clear glass door just as a mother holding a pizza box with her kid was exiting the building. I held the door open for them as they walked out and the mother gave me a quick thank you while the kid was chanting "Pizza!" "Pizza! "Pizza!" The man behind the register saw this and was very quick to walk over to the counter and give me service. I guess good karma exists after all. He was a short man with greying hair and a round belly under his white grease stained apron.

"Welcome young man, I don't think I have ever seen you around before," The man started."Are you one of the Corduroy boys?" Is Gravity Falls really small enough to the point when anyone sees a redhead they think it's a Corduroy? Wait, what am I thinking… Of course it is!

"No actually," I answered politely, "I'm new in town." The man showed a look of surprise and I couldn't blame him. It's not everyday that someone moves to a small town like this.

"Well where are my manners!" The man exclaimed. "The name's Tony and welcome to the best pizzeria in Gravity Falls!" Ya don't say?

"Nice to meet you Tony," I said while extending my hand to him, which he gave a firm shake. "My name's Matt." I took a glance at the menu just above my head. "How much for five large cheese pies?" Tony typed into the register for a moment.

"Exactly fifty dollars, son," He replied. "Are you sure you're that hungry?"

"What can I say," I shrugged, "I'm a big dude." This made Tony burst out into laughter, making some people that were eating give us a stare. It wasn't that funny, I thought with a smile.

"Will that be all?" He asked, his hand hovering over the confirm button on the register.

"Actually make that six pies," I responded after a moment of brief thought. "That should be it." Tony hit confirm and the total was sixty dollars, either there is no sales tax in Oregon or the people of Gravity Falls are much stupider than I thought. Hopefully it was the former. I handed him the money that Stan had given me along with ten extra dollars

"I already have two cheese pies ready," Tony said, "It will take probably another fifteen minutes for the others to come out. Are you in a rush?" I shook my head. "In that case, take a seat in any of the booths," He said while gesturing with his hand to an open seat. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you, Tony," I said while taking my order's receipt from him. He gave me a nod and walked over to the stone brick ovens to continue his work. With a sigh, I sat in an open booth and rubbed my face with one hand. Now I was alone with my thoughts. I had been avoiding thinking about what I had been told in my dream last night, but can you blame me? I found out that I was forcefully taken away from my family and friends. I should feel something. I should be angry that I was essentially kidnapped, sad that I don't have anyone to talk to about this or even upset that I can't get home, but… I don't feel any of that.

Instead I feel something new, something that my normal life would have never given me: Excitement. Sure, back home I would be excited to go to do something fun, like go to the beach or go see a movie, but none of those things really mattered. Those things never contributed to the greater scheme of my life. Yeah they made memories, but it's hard to focus on those good times when the constant pressure of reality is swirling around you. In Gravity Falls, not only do I have an apparent goal to destroy Bill Cipher, but I am enjoying being here. Back home, responsibility and fun never mixed, but here they are mixed together in the perfect blend.

This is quite literally a dream come true. Not just me being in Gravity Falls but me actually having a plan set out for me to do something meaningful. I actually feel important, and if what Alex told me was true, about Cipher not knowing anything about me, dare I say I feel confident. Bill's greatest power, in my opinion, is his ability to know everything about his opponent instantly. He would be able to appeal to their insecurities or fan their ego with fake compliments and flattery, making his target feel like they were in the presence of a friend. However, since Bill apparently hardly knows anything about me, it gives me a huge leg up on him.

But is any of that even true? This could be Bill's plan to bring my guard down and easily have me… "dealt with." But if that's the case why would I even be brought into this dimension? Nobody here knows about his plan, why would he risk it all just to bring me here? It doesn't make sense. Besides, I don't think it's even possible for Bill to use his powers outside of the Nightmare Realm currently so he couldn't have brought me here. With that in mind, Alex is probably telling the truth. I know I wouldn't want an equilateral monstrosity wreaking havoc on the world that I made.

But why me?

Why did he choose me? Why do I have to be the one that makes this huge difference? I don't know what the answer is. There are so many factors, so many possibilities as to why he chose me. I love these characters, I know and understand the story perfectly, I can be good with kids… but so many other people are too! What made me so special?

"What's up, man?" A voice asked, breaking me free of my thoughts. "I didn't mean to scare you, I'm only trying to sit down." I looked up, it was Wendy.

"Oh, hey Wendy," I said while sitting myself up.

"You all good, dude?" She asked as she plopped herself down into the booth across from me. "If you're able to zone out like that in a place like this there's gotta be something up." I shook my head.

"Nothing's wrong," I lied. "It's kinda hard to keep yourself occupied while waiting for food." I glanced at a clock to see how much time was left until my order was done, there were a couple of minutes left. "What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have to be at the Shack getting ready for the reopening of Stan cursed wax figures?" Of course she thought that was a joke and laughed.

"They are really creepy," She responded. "I'm on break right now so I decided to come get some late lunch and then I bumped into you." A bell rang and I thought it was my order, but it was actually the front door opening. "Shouldn't you be back at the Shack?" Wendy challenged.

"Actually," I said smugly, "I'm on an errand with Soos. We're trying to help out Stan because-"

"Excuse me," Another voice said. Oh you have got to be kidding me, why is she even here? I didn't need to turn my head to see who it was like Wendy did, I already knew exactly who it was. "This filthy establishment is full and has no booths left. I am expecting you to leave so me and my friends can sit."

"You sure you want to do that Northwest? These seats are all ripped and greasy, not up to the quality that a prestigious elitist such as yourself should settle for," I said resting my chin on my hand so she couldn't see my smile. Wendy slowly turned her head back to me with wide eyes. 'What are you doing,' She mouthed.

"Don't talk back to me like that! Do you know who you're speaking to?" Pacifica Northwest yelled, with her eye twitching. "If you don't move right now I'll-"

"Sue me?" I asked, cutting her off and looking at her now. "For what? Because I won't stand up and move for your convenience? I'm sure that'll go over well with mom and dad, especially while trying to get service in a place that I guarantee they disapprove of." I set my voice into a slightly higher pitch and continued, "Little Paciifca would get in so much trouble if mommy and daddy found out that you were amongst commoners, wouldn't she?" Wendy wasn't the only one staring at me. Multiple patrons in the pizzaria were now paying close attention to our conversation, I even smiled at a couple of them. "Besides, you don't even know my name," I concluded in my normal voice. Now, don't get me wrong, Pacifica is a great character, one of my favorites in fact, but this is Pacifica with her mask up... she needs to learn some humility. I turned back to look at Wendy, her eyes were even wider than before. I heard Tony clear his throat from behind the counter.

"Um, Matt, your order is ready," He called.

"Now if you'll excuse me," I said while standing up, revealing my full height to Pacifica and her posse, "I have to go and pick up my food." The girl that was voiced by Ariel Hirsh quickly moved out of my way, allowing me to make my way over to the counter and the six pizza pies that were waiting for me. As I walked away, all eyes were now on Pacifica. With a few quick glances around her surroundings, she noticed the attention that would usually be welcome.

"What are you all staring at!" She yelled, making every single one of them flinch and go back to their business. "I knew we shouldn't have come here," She huffed walking over to the door. "Let's go." Pacifica led her posse out of the pizzeria that was now completely silent. I grabbed hold of my pizza boxes but Tony placed a hand on top of them so I couldn't move them.

"Just to be clear," He started, "You do know who that was, right?"

"Yes sir I do," I responded with a smile. He nodded quietly and took his hand off of the boxes. I heard a car outside and just as I had hoped, it was Soos. "Hey Wendy!" I called. "Do you want a ride back to the Shack? Soos is right outside." She quickly and wordlessly stood up, wanting to leave the shocked atmosphere as soon as she could. We both walked out of the restaurant and once we were outside she punched my shoulder, almost making me lose my grip on the boxes.

"Hey!" I cried. "Watch the pizza!"

"Are you crazy! What were you thinking! That wasn't how someone with amnesia would act, dude!" She exclaimed and my face fell. She was right. I know that I told her very subtlety that I didn't have any memory loss, but I didn't tell all of those people watching. If Soos or Stan found out about this, I would be in trouble. I had thought that she was shocked at me because of the way I was talking to a Northwest, but it turns out I was wrong. "I get that you aren't from around here or whatever, but you should know that news travels fast," She said putting her hand on the passenger door handle. "Try to be more careful." Her demeanor changed instantly once she opened the door. "Soos, my homie!"

"'Sup Wendy!" Soos greeted happily. "You need a ride back to the Shack?"

"You know I do!" She replied, sitting next to him and buckling her seatbelt. I rested the pizza boxes on my knee that I propped up against the door so I could hold the handle to the backseat. I slightly pulled it open and then used my foot to fully swing open the door, muttering to myself that no one was helping me.

"Yo Soos," Wendy started once me and the pizza were secure in the back, "What errand were you and Matt on." She then looked at me through the mirror above the windshield. "Matt was going to tell me but he had to go pick up this large pizza order." I silently thanked her as the truck backed out to the main road.

"Well, Mr. Pines wanted us to put up some flyers for the reopening. Matt noticed that the flyer said that there would be free pizza for those that attend, but we didn't have pizza. To be safe on time, we decided to split up. Matt got the pizza while I put up the rest of the flyers." Wendy nodded in understanding and then looked back at me.

"Do you think that six pies are really going to cover for an entire event?" She asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Actually, I'm reserving one of the pies for us so it's only going to be five," I informed her. "If we need more that's Stan's problem, not mine." Wendy's eyes lit up.

"Sweet!" She exclaimed. "I'm so hungry, I never got a chance to eat." Wendy looked at me through the mirror once more, making me look away out of embarrassment while Soos just kept his oblivious eyes on the road. "Can I have some right now?" She asked and Soos nodded.

"There are napkins in the glove compartment. Help yourself, dude," He responded cheerfully. I opened the top box and handed her the biggest slice of pizza as a sign of gratitude for keeping my secret. Whether she noticed or not I'll never know because she instantly started hounding it down as soon as she had it in her control.

I cleared my throat. "Did you put up the rest of the fliers without any trouble, Soos?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, dude. Everything was fine," He replied with a quick glance. "I stapled myself twice and forgot to put my car in park a couple times, but aside from that everything went off without a hitch." Wendy and I exchanged a quick look in the mirror and luckily she was the one to respond. I couldn't find any words for what I heard.

"Good job, Soos!" Wendy exclaimed, making Soos beam.

"Thanks, dude!"

The rest of the ride back to the Shack was relatively quiet with the occasional thought of how this reopening was going to go. There wasn't time for a full on conversation though as it was only a couple minute ride back to the Shack. Once we arrived, I saw Manly Dan putting up a banner over the dirt path leading to the Mystery Shack. It displayed 'Wax Museum of Mystery Grand Re-opening!' in red letters with a yellow backdrop.

"These people are going to be so disappointed with how this turned out," I said once we parked. "Mabel's art skills are really good but I don't think that it warrants a reopening of an entire exhibit."

"You know Stan," Wendy replied. "He sees talent and he exploits it for as much money as he can." I snickered in response as we exited the truck. Stan was outside by the gift shop entrance which he had transformed into a podium for the ceremony. At the moment he was yelling at Dipper who was having trouble moving the wax figure of Larry King out onto the stage. I quickly ran over to the two of them. Dipper is probably getting traumatized by the task.

"Do you need any help with that, Dipper?" I asked once I was up on the podium. He gave me a grateful look but before he could speak, Stan cut him off.

"You!" He yelled, pointing at me which made me raise an eyebrow. "Where have you been?"

"Out with Soos," I responded in a confused voice, "doing exactly what you asked me to do." I crossed my arms now, not backing away from the old man. "We even got pizza that was mentioned on the flyer," I said gesturing to one that was hung up next to me. I tore it from its place and held it up to Stan's face so he could clearly see it and continued, "It doesn't even say what the event is. It just says 'Free Pizza with admission to the grand unveiling at the Mystery Shack.'" I shook my head and brought the paper down to my side. "This isn't a very good flyer, Stan."

"Okay, first, what are you talking about?!" Stan exclaimed. "It says free pizza on it! That's sure to attract attention. Second, I didn't even make these flyers for this event." I sighed and facepalmed at this revelation. Of course he didn't. "I just reuse the same thing whenever there is a new attraction at the Shack to grab people's attention. You can't say that this doesn't work," He concluded and I walked up to Dipper to help him, I couldn't handle that conversation any longer. I was losing brain cells talking about this subject, the flyer didn't even have a time or a date for the so-called unveiling. That's crucial information!

"Whatever," I said dismissing the conversation. "I'll just help Dipstick with these wax figures." Stan walked away and currently, Dipper was looking at the figure of Larry King very nervously.

"So, how do we move these things without making it… Awkward?" I asked and he just shrugged in response.

"What do you think I've been trying to figure out?"

The next half hour was uncomfortable… To say the least. While Soos got to set up the chairs and Wendy had to get the admissions stand up and running, Dipper and I had to move the rest of the wax figures outside and onto the stage. The mere fact that they were alive, made this task five times worse. It wasn't a physically difficult challenge, but a mental one, at least for me. By the time we were done, Dipper was in a cold sweat either because he was exhausted or because he was terrified. Both of us were sprawled out on the podium breathing rather quickly, trying not to think that we will have to do the same thing once the event was over. I slowly sat up and noticed the pizza had been set up with one of the boxes open.

"Let's go get some pizza ," I said while nudging his arm. "I think we've earned it." He nodded in agreement and we both slowly stood up and walked over to the foldable table that the food was placed on. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast this morning and was glad to finally have a chance to eat. I did have the opportunity to eat lunch when Mabel was working on Wax Stan, but I insisted on staying at her side, helping wherever I could. Boy did I regret that decision, especially now.

When we both laid our eyes on the contents in the pizza box, we both frowned. There was only one slice left. Dipper and I glanced at one another and then back to the final slice that was resting in arms reach. I wanted to snag it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Dipper noticed my expression and I could tell that we were in the same boat.

"You wanna Rock Paper Scissors for it?" He offered and I just shook my head.

"Nah, you can take it," I decided with a sigh.

"Are you sure?" Dipper asked and I nodded, but quickly after, my body betrayed me. A loud growl escaped my stomach making us both laugh. "We'll split it then," He concluded with a smile.

"I can live with that," I said with another nod and I started to reach for it. However before I could grab it, Mabel walked up.

"Oo, pizza!" She exclaimed, not even acknowledging her brother and I. We could only watch as she shoveled the entire slice into her mouth in one go. She stopped chewing and looked at both of us. "What?" She asked with her mouth full, questioning our helpless and distressed faces. We didn't respond, not with words at least. Dipper slammed his head onto the table out of frustration while I let out a loud groan. I glanced at the unopened boxes of pizza. Screw it. I was the one who bought them after all and I can eat it if I want to. Dipper must have read my mind because as soon as I had opened the box, he took a slice and shoved it into his mouth. I wasn't far behind him and Mabel just slowly backed away from the situation.

Within the next hour people, surprisingly, started to show up for the wax museum re-opening. There really mustn't be that much to do in this town. They didn't even know what they were getting themselves into, and let me just say the tourists' faces were priceless once their eyes laid upon the banner that Manly Dan put up. Stan was center stage with a microphone and Mabel stood excitedly next to him while Soos was behind his keyboard. He was way too excited to be there. Dipper and Wendy were handling the ticket booth together and I felt really out of place. I had changed into my question mark t-shirt to try and blend in but it didn't do much. I found myself standing next to Soos with my arms folded behind my back just as the reopening commenced.

Stan turned on the microphone that was on the stand that he had brought out. As he did so, a very loud feedback erupted through the speakers making the crowd flinch and cover their ears. Mr. Mystery himself now leaned against the stand and began speaking into the microphone. "You all know me, folks," He began, adjusting his suit collar, "Town doll and Mr. Mystery." Stan then held his hands out in front of him in a pushing motion. "Please, ladies! Control yourselves!" He exclaimed while wiggling his eyebrows in a way that only a foxy grunkle like himself could do. Wait, did I seriously just say that? I shook my head forcefully, playing it off like a bug had gotten in my ear and Stan continued speaking.

"As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements," He then leaned forward with a raised finger, "The likes of which the world has never known. But enough about me." He then stepped away from his stand and gripped a tarp that was covering something. "Behold… Me!" He exclaimed as he tore the tarp away revealing a glittering wax figure of Stan. Soos took his cue and played some 'Yeah!' notes on his keyboard. 'Ye-ah! Ye-Ye-Ye-Ye-Ye-ah!' I smiled at his fanfare while the crowd remained unimpressed. Stan stepped back to the microphone and handed it to his niece.

"And now a word from our own Mabelangelo," He exclaimed proudly.

"It's Mabel," Mabel said politely as she took the microphone, making me have to stifle a laugh. "Thank you for coming," She said in a raised voice while walking towards the bored audience. "I made this sculpture with my own two hands!" Mabel cried as she raised both hands into the air extravagantly. "It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids," She listed with an innocent smile. The whole crowd, now very alive, gagged and cringed. "Hehe, yeah," Mabel said with a giggle. "I will now take questions," She called. "You there." Mcgucket was prompted to stand up and he introduced himself.

"Old Man McGucket, local kook," He clarified as the tourists resumed their bored expressions. "Are the wax figures alive? And, follow up question, can I survive the wax man uprising?" This confused Mabel.

"Um… Yes! Next question," She exclaimed enthusiastically, while pointing to Toby Determined.

"Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper," He stated with fake confidence. "Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?" I rolled my eyes. Most certainly.

"Your Microphone's a turkey baster, Toby," Stan pointed out bluntly.

"It certainly is," Toby confirmed while examining it.

"Next question," Stan requested impatiently while pointing to Shandra Jimenez.

"Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter," She stated while eyeing Toby. "Your fliers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?" She then pulled out one of the fliers that Soos put up somewhere and this drove the crowd into many murmurs and side conversations about the subject.

Stan was hesitant to answer, so I answered for him. "Yes, it is true," I said in a raised voice over the crowd. "It's right over there," I presented with an outstretched finger. Within seconds, everyone was out of their seats and rushing over to the foldable tables that supported the pizza. I stepped over to Stan and whispered into his ear, "Go get the money from Wendy and Dipper before these people realize there isn't nearly enough pizza for everyone." Stan nodded in agreement and made a beeline to the cash sitting at the admissions box.

While her grunkle ran away, Mabel walked up to me. "I think that went well," She exclaimed happily, not even realizing that literally everyone was here for the pizza and not her masterpiece. I would never forgive myself if I told her though, she was too proud of herself.

"It sure did, kid," I confirmed while resting my hand on her shoulder. I gave a quick glance over to the crowd at the pizza table and noticed that it was almost all gone. Since I was the one who notified them of that tabel's location, I felt like I could be in a similar dangerous situation as Stan when it ran out. "You did a good job, Mabes. But if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and step inside."

Thankfully no one was outraged due to the small amount of pizza. Well… I can't exactly say that, so let me rephrase it. No one was outraged at us due to the small amount of pizza. A couple fights broke out but once the pizza was gone, everyone filed out pretty quick. Now no one from the unveiling will be considered a suspect for the murder of Wax Stan... Hopefully. I could've wasted sixty dollars for nothing.

Once the coast was clear of any potential angry tourists, we began to pack everything up. Soos volunteered to bring the wax figures back into the Shack and I gave him a big hug of appreciation. Once he pulled away, I grabbed Dipper's arm and led him away before Soos had any second thoughts. The both of us were happy to put the chairs away in comparison to the job we had earlier.

Night had fallen by the time that we were all finished converting the Shack's exterior back to normal. Wendy had snuck away to return home towards the end of our work, I don't think Stan even noticed. It's either that or he's accustomed to Wendy's slacking at this point, both are incredibly likely possibilities. By the request of Stan, Soos had left his wax representation resting against the couch. After that order was fulfilled, Soos was given permission to go home.

Stan, the twins and I were now all standing in the den. Unfortunately for us, Stan was wearing his boxers and undershirt. "Hot pumpkin pie!" He exclaimed, knowing that he wasn't allowed to curse while the twins were around. "Look at all this cash!" Stan then ran his thumb against the crisp paper. "And I owe it all to one person," He continued, making Mabel's spirit rise hopefully. "This guy!" Stan exclaimed while gesturing to the wax figure of himself, making Mabel playfully punch her grunkle in the gut. "Ooh!" He cried and then ruffled his niece's hair. "Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin."

I smiled at Stan's affection… until his hand moved onto Mabel's face and he lightly pushed her away. "Now, you kids wash up," He stated. "We got another long day of fleecing rubes tomorrow." Dipper was behind his sister as they made their way over the stairs. I cleared my throat.

"Stan," I started, "They are announcing the winners of the photo contest at ten on T.V." I glanced at the digital clock above the screen, it was nine fifty-three.

"What, you wanna watch it or something?" Stan asked, making me roll my eyes.

"Yes, there is money on the line!" I exclaimed, trying to appeal to Stan's greedy nature. "Money, Stan!"

"Well that's too bad," He said, taking a seat on the couch next to his wax figure. WHAT! "Duck-Tective is on at the same time." WHA-Okay that's reasonable.

"Stan, they are announcing the winners just before the show starts," I stated matter-a-factly. I was the one that submitted the pictures, I knew what I was talking about. Stan's expression eased.

"Oh, well then sure," He replied as I sat on the dinosaur skull next to him. Stan grabbed the remote and flicked on the television, it was already on the correct channel. For the next few minutes, both of us were completely silent watching the end of an episode of 'Why You Ackin So Cray-Cray.' I let out a sigh of relief once the credits started to roll.

A man in his forties wearing a well tailored suit appeared on the screen. "Good evening everyone!" He said while holding a paper. "My name's Kevin and I am here to announce the winner of this month's Monster Photo Contest. We have had many entries and submissions and we would like to extend a big thank you to all who participated."

"Yeah-yeah," Stan said while waving his hand in the air. "Let's get to the money part." I smiled and stifled a laugh at his impationtness.

"But let's get to what all of you are really here for," Kevin said, now looking at the sheet of paper. "The winner of this month's photo contest is… The Pines family! Congratulations!" Stan's face lit up.

"Ha! Ya hear that kid?!" Stan exclaimed. "We won!" He gave me a high five and Kevin continued speaking.

"Your prize is already on the way and should arrive tomorrow morning," He said. "And with that, we now resume our normal programming," I know I said earlier to Soos that we had a good chance of winning, but I didn't think it would actually happen! I was just saying that to keep his hopes up.

"Remember, Stan," I said while leaving the room, "We're splitting that five grand five different ways, got it?" Stan waved his hand at me.

"Of course!" He said in a slightly suspicious tone. "Goodnight, kid."

"Night, Stan." And with that, I was ascending the stairs to the bedroom. When i opened the door, I saw Dipper undoubtedly writing about the stupid unveiling in the journal while Mabel was laying on her back with her legs raised in the air. Both of them had changed into their pj's.

"Did you two brush your teeth," I asked, leaning against the door. Silence was the only thing that responded. "C'mon, you two." Dipper let out a small groan as he obediently got out of bed while his sister was a bit more vocal with her complaints.

"Okay, mom," She said in an annoyed tone as she walked past me. I just flicked her on the back of the head in response.

The twins and I were now in the bathroom brushing our teeth. Apparently there was a bathroom up in the attic in addition to the one downstairs this whole time. I was furious with Stan when I found out but he brushed it off saying that it was a test to see if I was snooping around or not. If I had been snooping, I would have found the upstairs bathroom rather quickly, so Stan appreciated that I wasn't getting nosy in his house. However, the explanation didn't help my thoughts on the matter. I had wasted so much time walking up and down the stairs just to use the bathroom.

Anyway…

Dipper, Mabel and I were brushing our teeth together, I don't know why, but we were. I couldn't help but feel like I was forgetting something. "Hey guys, wanna do a toothbrush race?" Mabel proposed while standing on the bathtub so she could appear taller than me in the mirror. We were about to respond, but a cry from downstairs swept through the Shack and to our ears.

"No… NO… NOOOOO!" Stan yelled and I instantly burst through the bathroom door with the twins in tow, throwing my toothbrush in the sink. I jumped down the final steps of the stairs and laid my eyes upon the decapitated figure of Wax Stan. Thank god! Wait, that came out wrong. For a moment, I thought that the real Stan might have been the one to bite the dust, with the whole details slightly changing and all. Stan was shaking as he turned his head towards the three of us.

"Wax Stan! He's been… M-Murdered!" He shrieked, throwing both arms in the figure's direction. This revelation made Mabel faint dramatically, but luckily her brother was there to catch her.

"Stan, you call the cops and we'll take care Mabel," I ordered and he rushed over to the phone. While he did this, I ran into the kitchen and opened several drawers in search of an item after pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge. I found the sugar packet that I was looking for in one of the drawers, and once I did, I ran right back to the twins. Dipper had laid Mabel against the couch so he wouldn't have to be constantly supporting her.

I took a knee beside her and brought the unopened sugar packet under her nose. "Clear!" I yelled as I tore the small packet open. Instantly Mabel's eyes shot open at the scent of her favorite substance. She grabbed hold of her brother's shoulders.

"Who did this!" She roared, shaking her brother wildly. "I want names, Dipper! NAMES!" Her angered gaze flew over to me, making me flinch slightly. "And you! Once I find out who did this, you're hunting them down!" She started swinging her arms like a lunatic. "I WANT BLOOD!" Dipper quickly grabbed the bottle of water that I had taken from the fridge and dumped its entire contents on her head, effectively calming her down.

"Sorry," She said quietly and Stan walked back into the room.

"T-the cops a-are on their w-way," He stuttered while fidgeting with his hands nervously. I stood up and stepped towards him, placing a hand on his bare shoulder.

"We'll find out who did this, don't worry," I said to him while Dipper left to go and grab a towel for his now soaked sister.

It took only a few minutes for the police to arrive, which was quite shocking considering who the two officers were. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland stepped through the back door and Stan wasted no time explaining the situation. Mabel was now leaning over her creations figure, absentmindedly tracing the area where Wax Stan's head would be.

"I get up to use the john right?" Stan recounted with folded hands. "And when I come back, blamo! He's headless!" He exclaimed gesturing to the fallen figure.

"My expert handcrafting besmirched," Mabel sobbed, "Besmirched!" Dipper knelt beside his sister and placed on her shakey shoulder.

"Who would do something like this?" He questioned prompting Durland to stop taking notes on a pad that he pulled out.

"What's your opinion, Sheriff Blubs?" The deputy asked.

"Look, We'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts- This case is unsolvable," Blubs stated with a sip of his coffee, making me roll my eyes.

"What?!" Stan, Dipper and Mabel exclaimed. "You take that back, Sheriff Blubs!" Stan threatened with an outstretched finger. Dipper couldn't believe what he heard.

"You're kidding, right?" He asked. "There must be evidence, motives. Ya know I could help, if you want." Mabel rose beside her brother.

"He's really good," She confirmed excitedly. "He figured out who was eating our tin cans."

"All signs pointed to the goat," Dipper stated while unironically pointing at the officers. Stan backed his nephew up.

"Yeah, Yeah, let the boy help," Stan suggested. "He's got a little brain up in his head." Blubs elbowed his deputiy's shoulder.

"Whooo! Would you look at what we got here!" He mocked. "City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!"

"City Bo-oy! City Bo-oy!" Durland called while cupping his hands around his mouth. I noticed how uncomfortable Dipper was getting, so I stepped in.

"Sheriff Blubs," I said calmly.

"Yes?" He replied, still laughing from his deputy's antics.

"Why is the sky blue?" I asked while crossing my arms

"Beg your pardon?" Sheriff Blubs asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Why is the sky blue," I restated with another roll of my eyes.

"I dunno," He responded, "It just is."

"Thought so," I mumbled as I turned to Dipper. "What about you, Dipper? Can you tell me why the sky is blue?"

"When sunlight reaches Earth's atmosphere it is scattered in all directions by all the gases and particles in the air," He answered. "We see the color blue because of its wavelength." I nodded in approval. "Why are you-" I cut him off.

"Durland what is three-hundred and fifty-two multiplied by forty-one?" I asked, making the deputy look at his partner for help.

"Uh..."

"Dipper?"

"Fourteen thousand, four hundred and thirty… two," He replied confidently and I nodded again. I have no idea if that's correct or not but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"Wow," I said proudly, looking at the deranged officers once more." He just did that without a computer phone." Blubs and Durland looked at each other nervously. "Let's get back to the situation at hand," I continued. "Dipper, if you were called to a crime scene of a "murder," what would you do first? Something that these two didn't even bother to think about."

"Look for potential murder weapons?" He answered, prompting me to nod.

"So let's do that," I said as I gestured to the Pines family. "While we do," I turned to face Durland who still had the pad and pen in his hands, "You can take notes, on how to do your job, officer." Stan's jaw fell slack and he looked at me in amazement. I walked away from the couch, knowing if I had been the one to find the axe it would raise suspicion. It took a minute, but Mabel found the weapon. She bent down to pick it up, but Dipper stopped her.

"Wait!" Dipper cried, grabbing her arm. "We need to check this for fingerprints." He glanced over his shoulder to see Durland furiously jotting down notes. "Hey, man," He said, grabbing the deputy's attention, "Can you get us a blacklight?" Surprisingly, Durland complied and stepped outside to fetch the requested Item. Once he had stepped out the door, Dipper turned to Blubs.

"Sheriff, were there any signs of forced entry when you arrived?" Dipper asked him.

Blubs took a moment to respond. "No, I don't believe I saw any."

"Okay…" Dipper said with a finger on his chin. He then looked to his grunkle with an arched eyebrow. "Did you lock all the doors, Grunkle Stan?" He asked.

"Yeah, I did, kid," Stan replied as he opened the door for Durland. "I did until these bozos showed up." Dipper nodded in understanding.

"So that means that the murderer was already inside the Shack," He said as Durland stepped behind the couch with the black light to observe the axe.

"Well ain't that somethin'," Durland said, grabbing everyone's attention. "There aren't any prints on the axe."

"Ooo, ooo! Can I take a look at it?" Mabel asked and once again, Durland, surprisingly, complied. "Yes!" Mabel exclaimed once she was handed the murder weapon. "I have an axe! Ree! Ree! Ree!"

Dipper gripped his forehead, partly because he was delving into deep thought and partly because he was trying to drown out his sister. Blubs and Durland were looking at each other in worry, at least they knew that the axe should have fingerprints. "Should she really be holding that, partner." Blubs asked. Nope, spoke too soon.

I took a glance at the clock and noted that it was now close to ten twenty, it was getting kind of late. "Alright, thank you for your help officers," I said while stepping towards them, "But we'll take it from here." They both looked at me in confusion.

"You're going to solve this?" Blubs asked and I nodded. He burst into laughter and his deputy even giggled a little, but despite this I held a steady gaze on Blubs. "How are you going to do that, boy? There's no evidence here!" The sheriff exclaimed. "All you've got is an axe and a dead… Lump of clay." Stan let out a loud dramatic gasp.

"How could you be so insensitive!" He cried while Mabel nodded in agreement, still clutching to the axe. "A man has died and you're degrading him!" Huh, I'm surprised he knows what that means.

"We'll do it, easily. You don't know what us Pines are capable of," I replied, ignoring Stan's comment. Don't get me wrong, I did want to back Stan up, the two officers were being disrespectful and not taking this seriously at all. Sure, not an actual person had died, but this is still damage of property and a potential break in! Of course the latter isn't true, but they don't need to know that. The two of them need to see what some good old determination can do. "Besides," I continued while gesturing to Blubs' walkie talkie that was pinned to his chest, "Seems like you've got another call coming in."

"Attention all units," A voice from the radio blared, "Steve is going to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. I repeat an entire cantaloupe in his mouth!" Durland swayed his arms in excitement.

"It's a 23:16!" He exclaimed prompting his partner to turn and face him.

"Let's move," Blubs stated seriously and led his deputy out of the Shack and into their cruiser. Dipper noticed them leaving and perked his head up.

"Where are they going?" He asked once the door closed behind the two officers. "We still don't have any leads." I took the axe from Mabel, prompting her to 'Aww' out of disappointment, and walked over to her brother.

"Listen, Dipper," I said, holding his shoulder with my free hand, "We'll look into this tomorrow, alright? I'm tired from the re-opening and I wanna go to sleep." Dipper looked at me like I was insane.

"What!" He cried. "The little evidence that we have supports the fact that the murderer of Wax Stan came from inside the Shack. He could still be here!"

"Dipper I don't know about you, but if I was at a crime scene and the cops showed up, I would have bolted the first chance I got," I replied, but he didn't ease up. Dipper was breathing heavily, obviously confused by my calm demeanor. "Besides, if the murderer wanted us dead we definitely would be by now." Stan nodded in agreement and I needed to hide my growing smile at the irony.

"The kid's right," He said with crossed arms, "We were all alone at one point when we were cleaning up earlier, that would be a perfect chance for them to strike." This seemed to begin easing Dipper back into a normal breathing rate. "You can always lock the door too just to be safe," Stan added.

I began to walk to the stairs, but not after setting the axe against the wall, Mabel was right behind me. "Don't touch anything else in here," I ordered. "There could be some clues that we haven't found yet." Stan flicked off the lights and followed me and his niece, his gaze lingering on the wax figure. Dipper soon reluctantly followed as he decided that being alone right now was the worst thing that he could do.

Once again, I was dreaming. This time, from the get go, I was well aware of this fact. I stood in the same open field that I was in the previous night, the color still drained from my surroundings. I was completely alone. There was no breeze, no sounds of wildlife anywhere. The only thing I heard was my steady breathing as I watched my surroundings. Off in the distance, I could make out the figure of my highschool. It was relatively small compared to other schools, because just like Gravity Falls, it was located in a small town. It was the site of a normal life, uninteresting and boring. I turned my head in the other direction and I saw the unmistakable cliffs of Gravity Falls. It beckoned me closer, wanting to share the secrets that it held within its valley. I could feel the adventure seeping out of it while I heard the ring of a school bell behind me. Even though I now had responsibilities here, the twins, the Shack and defeating Bill Cipher, I still had responsibilities back home.

My mind was trapped between two worlds, both completely different.

My situation at home isn't entirely the best. Yeah, I have a mother and father that love me very much and even a twin sister of my own, but it's not their love for me that's the issue. It's their love for each other. I could only imagine how me being in another dimension was affecting them. But despite this issue, I don't think that I can go home if given the chance, knowing that if I do, I will be giving the finger to the universe.

I heard a small, mystical poof. "Still having doubts?" Alex materialized behind me and I turned to face him. I nodded and then looked to the ground. "I see…" Alex continued. I gave no response and held my gaze at the grey, motionless grass at my feet. "You, uh," He began awkwardly, "You wanna talk about it?" I scoffed, making Alex raise an eyebrow.

"Never would have expected that an all powerful being would want to talk about a mortal's feelings," I replied, still not looking at him directly. "...It's just that… I understand that you need my help, and I am honestly honored that you chose me for this but, I still have all of these responsibilities at home."

"I understand." I gave him a look, "Okay maybe not entirely... I know that this is hard, but I brought you here to save the universe!" He exclaimed, gesturing all around us and I nodded.

"Yeah I get why I was brought here," I confirmed, "But what I still fail to see is why you chose me."

"That's for you to find out and discover on your own," He replied ominously, making me roll my eyes. "Do you have any other questions?" I wanted desperately to say no, like when a teacher asks if you have any questions about what you just read from a book in class, but this was serious.

"Are you gonna be vague with your answers?" I asked, prompting him to shake his head. "Alright, well, I was wondering why things are changing? Is my presence really strong enough to make an entire cave disappear?" Alex nodded in understanding and began to form his answer.

"Since in your dimension the world that I had created is a cartoon, somethings are going to be different," He explained. "For convenience of the story, things were added to the show to ensure the protagonists victory, sometimes making the impossible possible. I forgot the term that associates with that..."

"Cartoon Logic?" I suggested and he nodded, clearly pleased with my answer.

"That's it, Cartoon Logic," Alex continued. "Since this is a living, breathing world, Cartoon Logic does not apply here and there are no convenient ways to get out of a sticky situation, hence why there was no cave." Great.

"But how could Wax Aberham Lincoln still be alive, it's not cartoon logic that a wax version of John Wilkes Booth killed him. That's just logic logic." Alex gave a small shrug in response.

"What can I say? Having a completely different person added to the story is going to have major side effects. Makes it a little more interesting, especially for you," He replied. "Anything else?"

"Does Bill Cipher really know almost nothing about me," I asked and Alex nodded. "How is that possible?"

"The dimension that you come from is one that I like to call the 'Root Dimension.'" He replied, making me raise an eyebrow. "Your dimension is the one that is responsible for others like my own. When the people of your world make a movie, show or even a book, it creates an entire alternate universe that is rooted from yours. Magic takes many shapes and forms and in the Root Demension's case, magic comes from the minds of its inhabitants, and while they don't know it, they're responsible for a plethora of alternate universes.'' Alex scratched his beard thoughtfully. "You asked earlier if I was Alex Hirsh, technically I am. I was sent here from his mind with a world to build when he was coming up with his show idea."

"Okay," I said, slightly confused, "But how does that tie into Bill Cipher?"

"Only the creator of each individual universe knows that they are sprouted from the Root Dimension, no one else would ever suspect a thing unless they are explicitly told. Except for Bill Cipher. This dimension is a direct link to yours and if he gained a physical form here, he would be able to cross over to the Root Dimension and change anything and everything with its magic. This is why I had created the Law of Weirdness Magnetism, to ensure if Cipher ever came here, he couldn't sense your world. The bubble encasing the valley is not only a physical barrier but a mental one as well, able to block Bill's psyche from finding the Root Dimension. Since you come from a dimension that Bill cannot reach, he is unable to know anything about you, even if you were to come in contact with him." Alex scratched his beard once more. "Does that answer your question?"

"...Sure," I replied, believing that I got the basic gist of the long winded explanation. "How are you able to contact me when you said that you can't interact with the people in this world?"

Alex shook his head. "I said that I can't interact with the world I had created," He corrected, "You are not a part of this world. I can only speak with you when you are sleeping and only when you are holding the dream stone that you took from the gift shop." So that's what that is, makes sense I guess.

The scene that the two of us were in began to turn white, sending me into a slight panic. I say slight because I noticed that Alex was hardly phased by this. "It seems that Mabel is trying to wake you up and is forcing your consciousness back to reality."

"That's not gonna, like hurt, is it?" I asked with a degree of worry. Alex shook his head once more.

"You'll have nothing but a headache," He clarified with a wave of his hand as our surroundings faded away. "Be careful, and remember: there is a reason why I chose you." He disappeared in front of my eyes as I was pulled back to reality.

"Matt! Matt! Matt!" Mabel yelled in my ear as she shook me wildly. "Get up, we gotta mystery to solve!" I gave her a light shove to push her away from my face.

"I'm up, I'm up," I replied with my eyes still closed. "Give me a second, would ya?" She obliged and backed off, allowing me to sit up. I rubbed my head and opened my eyes to see a fully dressed Dipper waiting by the attic door. I gave a quick glance at Mabel and noticed that she too was fully dressed and ready to go. "I don't get it. Mabel, how do you have so much energy at… What time is it?"

"Time for you to GET UP!" Mabel yelled, making me flinch as she advanced toward me once more. Luckily, Dipper grabbed her and pulled her out of the room before she was in my face again.

"We'll be downstairs waiting for you," Dipper said as he closed the door behind him and his sister. Once they were gone, I opened my palm to reveal the dream stone that allowed me to interact with Alex. Relieved that neither of the twins spotted it, I set it back up on the night stand above my mattress after I stood up. Who knows when the next time I would have seen the rock if Mabel took it from me.

I quickly got changed. This time, I wore the red flannel with the black undershirt that Wendy had gotten me along with the pair of jeans. I exited the room and descended the stairs, deciding that I would take a shower later. Mabel was reaching for the axe that rested against the wall with one hand while Dipper was swatting her hand away from said axe that was resting against the wall.

"Nice to see you two haven't started without me," I said grabbing the twins' attention. Dipper pulled a roll of toilet paper out of his vest pocket that he must have gotten from the bathroom. With haste, he began to close off both entry ways into the room once I had joined them with numerous stripps of toilet paper.

"Okay, area secure," Dipper stated once he used up the last of the toilet paper. "No grunkle interruptions for the time being." He knelt down next to the figure of Wax Stan. "Do you have any suspects in mind?" Dipper asked me. Not only did I have a suspect, but I also knew who was the killer, but of course I can't give him the outright answer.

"I'm not entirely sure, but I think we can rule out anybody from the unveiling yesterday," I said, picking up the axe before Mabel could get a hold of it. "Us three deffinetly didn't do it becasue we were all together when the murder happened. I doubt that Wendy would want to come back to work after she had a chance to go home and I also doubt that it was Soos because he is too pure hearted to do something like this to his boss." Dipper nodded in agreement.

"So that leaves us with a deranged maniac or Grunkle Stan," Dipper speculated, looking up from the figure.

"Or option three!" Mabel chimed in cherrily, prompting the both of us to look at her. "It's a natural super monster!" Dipper gave a small roll of his eyes.

"Okay, first, it's supernatural," Dipper clarified. "And second, I think you might be right." Mabel put both hands on her hips in victory. "However, it is clear that what we're dealing with is smart enough to use an axe and doesn't have any prints. This can be dangerous."

"That's what makes it fun, bro-bro!" Mabel exclaimed, making Dipper smile at his sister's enthusiasm. "Whatever it is, we will face it together." She then high fived her brother with a smile and they went back to scouring the room for clues. Mabel had found two footprints, one of them had a hole, next to where she had recovered the axe. Dipper took note of this and hoped to find more tracks, but due to all the steps the three of us were taking in the room, any trace of other footprints had faded away. But even that didn't stop Dipper from finding something else.

"Hey guys," He called, "Check this out." Dipper was now standing in front of the door that led into the giftshop and was inspecting a small wad of wax on the doorframe. "The murderer must have gotten some of Wax Stan's, well, wax on him and then bumped into the door." He was right, the substance on the door was most certainly forced upon the doorframe. Wax Sherlock Holmes must have been in a rush to flee the room once he heard Stan coming and scraped, is that even the right word, himself while opening the door. Dipper poked the wax on the door. As he pushed in the substance, the wax slowly engulfed his finger tip. "Definitely wax," He concluded.

"Do you think there's more on the other side of the door?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Only one way to find out!" Mabel said, pushing open the door. All of our expectant faces fell at what we saw.

"Oh hey, dudes!" Soos said with a small wave as he swept up something on the floor. "Watch your step around here, there's a ton of wax. But not to worry dudes, I think I got most of it. Nice axe by the way, Matt."

"Thanks man," I replied while stepping into the room. "Did you, uh, hear the news?" He needs to know about this.

"There's news?!" He exclaimed. "Is it good?" I gave a quick glance to the twins and then looked back to Soos.

"Well there's no way to put this lightly," I said while preparing for Soos' breakdown. "Wax Stan was murdered last night." I closed my eyes, expecting him to jump forward and cry on my shoulder or something, but he didn't move.

"Oh yeah, Stan told me about that," He responded. "It's a real bummer, dude. But I bet you dudes are already on the killer's case."

"Well, we were," Dipper muttered under his breath, prompting Mabel to nudge him forcefully with her elbow.

"Have you seen what happened?" I asked and Soos shook his head vigorously.

"No way, dude," He said, backing away slightly. "If I did, I would definitely break down. I've gotta be strong for Mr. Pines as he makes it through this tough time." I nodded in understanding and Soos went about his business.

"Great," Dipper silently, "There goes our only lead." I turned to face the twins, Mabel was shaking her head with a smirk.

"On the contrary, my dear brother," She said with a confident smug smile, making her brother raise an eyebrow. "I think I have spotted something that may be of interest." However, before she could voice what she saw, Soos butted in.

"Oh yeah I almost forgot, dudes," He said reaching into his pocket. The twins' eyes grew wide as Soos pulled three large wads of cash out of his pocket. "The contest money came in last night! We won, dudes!" Mabel and Dipper still had their eyes glued to the money in Soos' hand. "Mr. Pines asked me to give you your share of the money." He handed me the cash since I was the closest. "He's outfront right now, hauling in a coffin that he bought with his share of the prize money."

"Thank you Soos, we'll go talk to him. See how he's doing, ya know?" I said, Soos nodded and went back to work. Dipper shook his head, tearing his gaze away from the money and back to his sister.

"Sorry, got a little distracted there," He said as I put the money in my pocket. "What was it that you saw Mabel?" She too had been distracted from the money and was presumably thinking about her life sized hamster ball at the moment. Her gaze was unfixed, just staring blankly at one of the shelves, completely unaware of her brother's attempts to get her attention. Dipper set a hand on her shoulder and gave it a small shake. "Mabel?" Instantly, like she was splashed with cold water, she came back to her senses.

"Huh? Sorry about that," Mabel said while absentmindedly scratching her arm. "What did you say?"

"He asked what was the thing that you saw, Mabes," I answered and her face lit up, like nothing had happened.

"Oh yeah!" Mabel said with a light smack on her forehead. "I didn't actually see anything. I was going to say something light hearted to boost morale!" She threw both arms up in the air with a big smile and Dipper let out a small sigh.

"So we really did lose the trail?" He asked dejectedly.

Mabel placed both hands on her brother's shoulders. "Don't worry, Dipper. You'll figure this out! Besides, you got me and Matt to back you up." Dipper gave a small wordless smile.

"That's right," I spoke up, "We can solve this mystery and show those cops how it's done!" Dipper, now feeling a bit better, laughed.

"Dude that's awesome!" Soos called from the other side of the giftshop. "You dudes are like, the Mystery Kids."

"Don't call us that," I said, giving him a serious look. Soos didn't notice this as he had already gone back to work. "I think that we should go check up on Stan before we do any more digging, though," I suggested. "That figure must have really reminded him of himself." Or a certain brother. "He's still probably all shoken up by it's untimely demise." Dipper nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we have time to check up on him," He said while gesturing out the window. "There's still plenty of daylight left." The three of us walked out of the giftshop door leading outside and sure enough, Stan stood next to his car with a coffin in its trunk. Within a few seconds he noticed us.

"Hey do you kids mind helping me move this coffin?" He asked in a surprisingly sincere tone. "I'm holding a memorial service for Wax Stan, it's something small but classy." With a grunt he pulled the wooden coffin out of the trunk and rested it on the ground.

"Sure thing, Grunkle Stan!" Mabel replied enthusiastically as she grabbed one side of the coffin. I squatted down to help her, knowing full well that there was no way she was moving this thing without getting hurt. I had a grip on the top end of the coffin and began to lift it up using the power in my legs. Mabel was barely getting her side off the ground which didn't go unnoticed by Stan. He took hold of the base, the opposite end from where I was. He grunted once more and the coffin was successfully off the ground. Since my back was facing the Shack, Dipper helped guide me to the back door. Mabel had realized that she wasn't helping that much, so she let go and decided to help in other ways…

"COME ON! PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT!"

… By yelling at the top of her lungs in Stan and I's ears. In Mabel's eyes, this was most certainly the motivation that we needed, but this was making things harder. Much harder. Not only was she yelling over Dipper's directions, but she was making me laugh, something that you do not want to do when you're holding something heavy.

"MORE EFFORT, GRUNKLE STAN!" Mabel yelled. "LET'S SEE WHAT THOSE BIG STRONG ARMS CAN DO!"

"Kid," Stan started "If you don't quiet down…"

"WHAT'S THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER MY AWESOME MOTIVATION!"

It went like this for a few minutes. Dipper was getting irritated because he would consistently have to repeat directions a few times and Stan was so close to dropping the coffin out of frustration. Either that or my constant laughter was making it hard for him to maintain his grip. Despite the difficulties, we were able to bring the coffin into the parlor without any major slip ups and set it on a wooden stand that Stan must have put up earlier this morning.

After the coffin was set in place, Stan wordlessly left the room. I frowned, being here to see Stan's grief has been more gloomy than I had previously anticipated. From what I could gather from Stan's deminor, or lack thereof, he has temporarily lost most of his feelings as this whole situation had resurfaced the long since buried emotions of that fateful day thirty years ago. I clenched my fists tightly while looking at the empty coffin.

"We're going to find the jerk who did this." I growled in a low tone that surprised the twins. Stanley Pines did not deserve to be in this funk, he didn't deserve to be this downcast and forlorn. Sure, Stan Pines had made poor decisions in the past, but he was still a good man.

Nightfall was just moments away now and the inhabitants of the Mystery Shack along with both of it's employees were currently seated in the parlor before a coffin. Soos had a handkerchief clutched desperately in his giant hands, having to wipe his eyes every few moments due to his over abundance of tears. I had convinced Wendy to stay for the service and even though she thought what Stan was doing for a lifeless replica of himself was over the top, she still fulfilled my request. Her hand was resting on the handle of her hatchet that I told her to bring. Of course she had questioned me why she would need to bring a weapon to a funeral but I told her to trust me, needless to say she did.

The twins and I had not found any more evidence to who the murderer was and where they could have gone, which had greatly upset Dipper. When he had reported this to his grunkle instead of being upset, Stan was in complete understanding which surprised even me.

The five of us sat in front of all the wax figures which was very unsettling but I powered through the very uncomfortable feeling I had. I'm never going to keep my back turned to a potential threat again. My hand rested against a box of matches I had in my pocket that I had taken from a drawer in the kitchen moments ago. I flinched slightly when I heard Stan open the door to the room.

"Kids, Soos, Wendy, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming." Stan stated with great heartbreak seeping into his voice once he was behind the podium that he had set up earlier. "Some people might think it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself." He continued making Soos shoot to his feet in a very aggressive manner.

"They're wrong!" He exclaimed while pointing at his boss.

"Easy, Soos." Stan said with a small hint of warning. "Wax Stan," He called while looking at the figure, "I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven." A tear then fell from his cheek which he was quick to wipe away. "I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye!" Stan cried as he ran out of the room with his face buried in his hands.

"Oh, dude!" Soos sobbed. He stood to run after Stan and believe me when I say that it took not only my entire will but all of my strength as well to keep him in place. "Dude can you please let me go." Soos tried to say in a calm voice as he stopped trying to get free from my hold.

"Soos, I talked to him earlier," I lied, "He said that if something like this happens he wants to be left alone." I gave him a pat on the shoulder and a sorrowful look once he took his seat beside me once more. If we're about to face a group of blood thirsty wax figures, I think Soos can come in handy.

"Those cops were right about me." Dipper moped as he slouched heavily in his chair.

"Dipper, we've come so far," Mabel responded while gripping the axe, "We can't give up now." Despite his sister's encouragement, Dipper continued to complain.

"But I considered everything- the weapon the motive, the clues…" He trailed off as he approached the decapacated figure. "Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it." Dipper stated while peering into the coffin.

"All the wax guys have that." Mabel replied standing next to her brother. "It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealies." Once Mabel said this, Wendy's eyes flew over to me. She had put it together. I had told her everything about the murder situation when she came into work today and now that was paying off. I gave her a nod once our eyes locked and she gripped her hatchet tighter with a quick side glance to the cursed wax figures behind us.

"Wait a minute!" Dipper exclaimed. "What has a hole in its shoe and no fingerprints?" He then leaned closer to his sister. "Mabel the murderers are-"

"Standing right behind you."

All five of us whipped around to face the now awakened wax figures. The twins let out a disgusted gasp, I grabbed the axe from Mabel's grasp and Wendy pulled her hatchet for self defense. Soos was slow to react and was seized by wax Genghis Khan.

"Well done my ameture sleuthes, you've unburied the truth!" Wax Sherlock Holmes praised. "And now we're going to bury you." He threatened while pointing his magnifying glass at us. Unlike in the show, the figures kept their distance not wanting to be cut down by the two teenagers with blades.

"Let Soos go." I ordered prompting the man child to nod in agreement. The wax figures ignored me.

"Bravo Dipper Pines, you've discovered our little secret." Wax Sherlock Holmes congratulated while pulling out the decapitated head of Wax Stan. "Applaud everyone," He requested, turning to his comrades, " Applaud sarcastically." The other wax figures enthusiastically clapped their hands to their leader's disappointment. "Uh no that's too sincere, slow clap." The wax figures compiled. "There we go! Nice and condescending."

"But how is this possible?" Dipper asked, prompting Holmes to face him. "You're made of wax!"

"Are you… Magic?" Mabel hopefully asked.

"Of course their magic, Mabel." Wendy answered. "Inanimate objects don't just animate out of nowhere."

"We're not magic! We're cursed!" Holmes declared angrily, taking a step closer. I pointed my axe's blade in his face, wordlessly telling him to back off.

"Cursed magic is still magic." I replied matter-a-factly, slowly pulling the blade away and dropping the conversation.

"We are cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing." Holmes stated. "Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale."

"A haunted garage sale, son!" Wax Coolio interrupted.

"And so the Mystery Shack wax collection was born." Holmes continued. "By day we were the playthings of man, but when your uncle went to sleep we would rule the night. It was indeed a charmed life for us cursed beings, that is until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get revenge on Stan for locking us away, but we got the wrong guy."

"Yeesh, nice monologue." I muttered.

"Wait, so you dudes were trying to murder Mr. Pines f-for r-real?" Soos asked fearfully.

"Yes you bumbling idiot. And now that you know our secret, you all must die." Holmes replied and instantly regretted it. Soos can take a lot of things, but the one thing that he cannot and will not tolerate is the endangerment of the people he cares about. With amazing strength, Soos grabbed Wax Gengus Khan's arms that were secured around his upper body, and flipped the figure over his head and onto the floor. But he wasn't done. Once Soos was completely free of his captor's hold, he elbow dropped him in the face, creating a massive indent that disoriented Khan's eyes. It was a successful and impressive attack from the handyman but there was one problem, Soos was stuck.

"A little help dudes?" Soos asked, trying to free himself to no avail. The other wax figures quickly took note that he was incapacitated for the moment and started to advance. Luckily Dipper and Mabel lept into action, pulling Soos' free arm with all their might while Wendy and I fended the figures off. The both of us never put out a full on swing however, as we were afraid that we might accidentally hit Soos or the twins. Only when Wax Gengis Khan joined in on the effort to move Soos, did the handyman get free.

Dipper, Mabel, and Soos all went flying back, landing just in front of a table and without any hesitation, they stood up and threw whatever they could grab. Mabel chucked a coffee pitcher directly and Wax Abraham Lincoln's face, causing it to melt. Everyone in the room watched as the figure fell to its knees in pain, which made Mabel give an unsettling smile.

"That's it we can melt them with hotty melty things!" She exclaimed as she and her brother grabbed an electric candle. Soos turned his cap backwards, cracked his knuckles and clentched his fists, he was angry, something that I never would have thought was possible.

"Anyone move and we'll melt you into candles!" Dipper exclaimed confidently, taking a step forward with his weapon.

"Decorative candles." His sister added with a menacing smile. The wax figures were now cowering in fear, hands and arms covering their faces. But then simultaneously, they all stood straight, realizing that we were still kids. Albeit kids that were armed, but kids nonetheless.

"Do you really think that you can defeat us?" Wax Sherlock Holmes asked the five of us. Dipper took a quick glance to his left where his sister and Wendy were, both clutching their weapons tightly. Then he took a glance to his right were Soos and I were, both with serious faces and ready to strike.

He then faced Holmes, who was still waiting for an answer. "Yes." Dipper stated confidently.

"So be it." Holmes replied and outstretched his arm at us. "Attack!" Wax Shakespeare charged forward at Dipper, fists raised. Dipper tried to play defensively, taking a step back and raising his candle. However, Wax Shakespeare was intercepted before coming in contact with Dipper. With a warrior cry, Mabel jumped at the wax figure and swung her candle at his raised arm. My eyes widened in worry at the result. Mabel did hit her target but instead of slicing the wax figure in half, the candle broke, rendering it completely useless. Then, words echoed in my head, Cartoon Logic does not apply here and there are no convenient ways to get out of a sticky situation. The candles were not nearly hot enough to melt through the wax figures, leaving the twins defenseless.

Dipper's confidence faded away and he gave a disappointed look at the unbroken candle in his hand. "Okay, not so sure now." Mabel desperately threw the broken candle at the horde of wax figures.

"New plan guys!" She yelled, dodging a swipe from the now recovered Wax Shakespeare. "We need a new plan!" Wendy and I stepped forward, both swinging our axe and hatchet respectively. Wendy cut clean through both Shakespeare's arms, making him scream, not in pain but in surprise. I wasn't as lucky. Since I didn't want to swing wildly at my target, I restrained my strike, losing crucial momentum. My blade got stuck in Wax Coolio's side, making him give a laugh.

"All ten of my kids could have swung better than that!" Coolio exclaimed. He was about to give another laugh but Soos punched him in the face, making him reel back and allowed my axe to slip free.

"Don't hold back, dude." Soos said. "I know I'm not. I technically got stapled twice because of these guys!"

"Got it, Soos." I replied with a smile. The handyman then ran over to Dipper who was still defenseless. Coolio recovered now, and I readied my axe.

"You gonna try another swing, baby arms?" He taunted and I hoisted the weapon up to my shoulder. I'm not gonna let some old, outdated rapper run his mouth about me.

I wordlessly, and forcefully, slashed at the wax figure's neck, sending his head clean of his shoulders and to the ground. "Huh, I guess you were." Coolio said once he hit the wooden floor.

"For the record," I said, bringing my left foot off the floor and behind me, "I don't have baby arms." I then sent my leg forward, effectively kicking him in the air, causing him to let out a scream as he soared above his wax companions. I was hoping that he'd land in the corner of the room or something, but instead he collided with Wax Gengis Khan who was clumsily trying to get past the other figures and to Soos for revenge.

Of course he completely forgot about his original target and charged right at me.

I tried to dodge out of the way, but the figure's reach was too great. He snagged me and tackled me to the ground, pinning me to the floor and pinning the axe to my chest. I grabbed hold of the weapon, trying to push it free so I could use it but Khan saw this. Quickly, he grabbed the handle with both hands and forced it towards my neck so he could effectively choke me. I pushed back with all my strength and I was gaining some leverage but that's when I noticed my friends were in trouble. Soos had gotten restrained once more, this time with one of his arms behind his back and Dipper was trying to get him free. The preteen had latched onto the upper body of Wax Groucho, clawing at his eyeballs. Wendy was fending off three figures at once while Mabel was distracting Wax Abraham Lincoln, just barely avoiding his attacks.

Due to my lack of focus on the brute that was currently on top of me, I started to slip and the axe handle pushed closer to my neck. "Hahaha! You think you're so tough, don't you?" Khan taunted. "You can hardly bench press the bar!"

I let out a small grunt. "What's with you guys making fun of my strength?" I asked pushing back harder now, coming up with a risky plan in my head. Don't let this backfire… Literally. I spat in Khan's face disorienting him even more allowing me to take one hand off the handle. My now free hand darted to my pocket, here goes nothing. "Mabel!" I yelled, grabbing her attention. Her gaze shot to mine and I slid the box of matches in her direction. Dipper saw this as well.

"Are you crazy!" He yelled. "You're giving Mabel matches?!" I set my hand back on the handle and began pushing back once more.

"Do you have a better idea?!" I called, he was silent for a moment.

"No, No not really." He replied, throwing the wax figure's eyes he had just clawed out at Gengis Khan. This, just like before, distracted him and his gaze flew over to Dipper, giving me a much needed opening. I punched Khan in the face, loosening his grip on the handle allowing me to roll the both of us over, but this time I was pinning him to the floor.

"What's the matter Dingus Khan?" I asked with a smug smirk. "Can't bench the bar?" Before he let out a roar of anger, Mabel rushed over to my aid. She had three ignited matches in between her fingers in a closed fist simulating claws of somesort, then she jammed the matches and their flames right into Khan's face. Of course the pain that the wax figure experienced was enough for him to let go of the handle and cover his face, prompting me to lift the axe up and swing down on his head, cutting right down the middle. Mabel, without looking, gave me an appreciative fist bump that I gladly accepted.

"Guys!" Wendy called, still in a three on one. "A little help!" She was doing good, all things considered, being able to dismember multiple of her attacker's limbs due to her defensive stance. Mabel ignited three more matches and rushed over to her friend in need. The young girl went into a slide and planted the three ignited matches right into Wax Nixon's leg, sending him off balance and allowing Wendy to push him into the fireplace. Nixon screamed and yelled, trying to push himself out of the intense flames but was unsuccessful as his arms began to melt, not giving him the crucial strength he needed.

Wax Robinhood tried to take advantage of a distracted Wendy, only for him to be cut in half and cast aside by a fatal strike of my axe, leaving Wax Lizzie Borden all by herself. She quickly realized that she was outnumbered and outgunned, having lost one of her arms to a swing from Wendy. The wax figure turned and tried to run out the door only to collide with Soos' fist, knocking her to the floor.

"And stay down!" Mabel yelled, throwing her now empty box of matches at the collapsed wax figure. The five of us lifted our gazes from the figure and looked around the room, fully taking in the carnage and chaos we partook in.

"Yeesh, Mabel," Dipper began, gesturing to the figure of Wax Abraham Lincoln, "What did you do to him." Once my eyes laid upon him, I thought the same thing. Every single one of his fingers was replaced by a burnt out match, a foldable chair was sticking out of his back and most terrifying of all, his head was twisted backwards.

"Just because I'm a master of making art, doesn't mean I'm not just as good at destroying it." She replied innocently.

"Fair enough." Her brother answered surprisingly calmly, taking another look around the room. But of course Dipper being calm is something that people get to witness for a short period of time. "Wait, where's Wax Sherlock Holmes?" He asked, a small hint of fear breaking into his voice. Sure enough, the supposed leader of the group of cursed wax figures was nowhere to be found.

"Oh no!" Soos gasped and ran out of the room. "Mr. Pines!" With a quick, terrified glance at one another, the rest of us bolted after the handyman. The five of us barreled into the den and laid our eyes on a horrifying sight.

"Well hello, children." Holmes greeted cooly. The wax figure held a sword to Stan's throat with one hand and held the conman's right arm against his back with the other. "So glad you could finally join us."

"Kids," Stan started, "Somebody better start explaining what the heck is happening right now!"

"Ah not to worry Stanford, you won't have to worry about that for much longer." Holmes said darkly.

"I don't like that underlying message!" Stan exclaimed. "Get me out of here!"

"Let him go!" Dipper yelled.

"And why would I do that?" Holmes questioned. "Did you not listen to my backstory?!"

"Trust me, we did." Wendy replied with a roll of her eyes. This was a very dangerous situation, Stan's life is on the line and this must be approached with caution and precision…

"I'll make what you did to Wax Stan look like a joke if you don't hand Grunkle Stan over right now!" Mabel yelled.

… Or we can approach it, guns blazing apparently. "Clearly you have not realized that you are in no position to be making threats, little miss."

"What are you going to gain from this?" I asked. "Besides, there was no way of Stan knowing that you were alive!" Holmes grew frustrated at this and tightened his grip on the sword.

"Quiet you red haired fiend!" He snapped back. "Your philosophy will accomplish nothing!"

Stan let out a sigh. "Thanks for trying kids, but it looks like this is it." Soos, Wendy and the twins were shocked to see Stan giving up, but I wasn't entirely convinced. The look in the old man's eye was not one of defeat or loss, but one of deceit. "I know you knuckleheads want a piece of this guy, but I'm sorry to tell ya… he's mine." There it is.

"Wha-" Holmes was cut off by a swift but powerful elbow jab from Stan's free arm, allowing him to slip under the sword and out of the figure's grasp. Stan quickly regrouped with the five of us and let out a sigh of relief, only for his eyes to widen once he saw Wax Sherlock Holmes let out a roar of anger.

"Ya know what, kids? Maybe I was being a bit too hasty." Stan proposed, making Dipper raise an eyebrow. "He's all yours."

"Wow, thanks Stan." Wendy said sarcastically while raising her hatchet, preparing for Holmes' next move.

"Heheh, you got it." Stan replied.

"You will evade my grasp no longer, Stanford!" Holmes yelled, raising his sword. The wax figure charged and leapt forward, and although Stan was in the back of the group, it was easy to tell that he was the intended target. Wendy easily parried the attack with her hatchet, prompting Soos to grab and restrian Holmes, not allowing him to produce another swing. Obviously the Wax Sleuth attempted to break free, he began punching ferociously at Soos and despite the onslaught, the handyman's grip did not loosen.

The twins lept into action next, taking hold of their adversary's legs as they noticed Holmes would soon begin kicking, still trying desperately to break free. Dues to Dipper and Mabel's added weight on the wax figure's unstable form. This in turn set Holmes off balance and instead of letting him crash to the floor, Soos brought him down slowly in order to maintain his grip. Once again, the wax figure began lashing out at the handyman but this time Wendy stepped on his arm and forced it to stay on the floor.

I glanced at Stan, he looked impressed at our unvoiced teamwork. His eyes were widened significantly and his mouth was slightly agape. And although I doubt he would ever say it, he was clearly grateful for us quite literally jumping into a hostile situation to protect him. I brought his wandering mind back to reality when I set a hand on his shoulder. Stan gave me a thankful look but his face fell once he saw me offering the axe to him. "Wanna do the honors?" I asked and was confused when he stepped back.

"What, and kill this guy?!" Stan exclaimed. "Look I know that he's after me or whatever and destroyed a replica of myself, but I'm not going to take the life of another human being."

Wendy cleared her throat. "Uh, Stan?" Her boss looked over, prompting her to continue. "He's one of your wax figures. They turned out to be cursed and murdered Wax Stan." Stan's eyes widened once more by this revelation.

"No wonder they were so cheap." The con man muttered under his breath, taking the axe from me now. "Welp, in that case!" Stan brought the axe above his head with a serious look. "This is for Wax Stan."

A couple hours later, the six of us sat around a fire that used the coffin Stan had bought as its fuel source as it was no longer needed. All of the remnants of the wax figures had been incinerated and disposed of… Well all except Wax Larry King. Just like in the show, he was nowhere to be found. Thankfully I was the only one that noticed, we wouldn't be sitting around a nice fire roasting marshmallows and cooking hot dogs if everyone knew a figure was still on the loose.

Just as I predicted, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland both pulled up in their police cruiser. "Solve the case yet boy?" Blubs asked through his rolled down window. "I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a big long sip from my cup of coffee."

"Actually," I said with a clap, prompting Mabel to throw Wax Stan's head over with a big smile. "The answer is yes." I replied smugly, showing the officers with proud outstretched arms. Blubs immediately spat his searing hot coffee into his deputy's face making him howl in pain.

"My eyes!" Durland exclaimed, flailing his arms wildly like a child, grabbing everywhere but his own face. His hands made it to the cruiser's steering wheel, and for whatever reason, fear I guess, Blubs floored the gas pedal, sending the pair into a tree nearby.

"HAHAHA!" Stan laughed loudly. "They got scalded!" This of course made everyone around the fire burst into laughter.

"Heheh, yeah dude!" Soos exclaimed. "Their overconfidence was their downfall!" What was supposed to be a joke or a cheer of victory from Soos, deeply resonated with me. He was right, their over confidence was their downfall. Not just the two deranged officers, no, but the wax figures as well. They severely underestimated us since we were a group of kids and because of that, they've melted and ceased to exist and if I'm not careful, I could suffer a similar fate.

Looking back on it, I was a bit over confident around two very dangerous and powerful people today, one of which I will be facing very soon. It wasn't all bad though, I guess. I needed to establish that I wouldn't back down from either of them. Could I have been a bit smarter about it? Most certainly, but now I know. I cannot allow myself to get cocky. I need to restrain myself, and ensure that my cover won't get blown wide open. I may be here for a very important mission, but I've made some very important friends as well.

I smiled, looking at my friends, knowing that we still have many adventures to come.

A/N

Hello again my fantastic readers! Thanks for reading the chapter, as you can tell it took quite some time. Enough about that though, I want to get into a more serious topic.

The reason why it takes so long for me to post chapters for this story is because I can be quite busy. I'm a rising senior in high school, I have a friend group that constantly wants to do stuff, I got my drivers license last week (Whoohoo!), I've gone on vacation a few times and of course good old writers block took quite a toll as well. There are a ton more reasons why, the biggest was actually touched upon in the story in one of the dream sequences, which unfortunately is not something I made up for this story. It's a real thing that's been eating me up for quite a while.

I've been trying to keep this self insert as accurate as possible, and I believe that I've done a good job representing myself in the story. I can definitely see myself doing and saying most of the things that Matt does in the story.

Also I wanted to add one more thing…

Autumn, I am so sorry I didn't reply to your PM, I really only check my account when I upload a chapter. That is the truthful reasoning behind why I didn't reply. I also regret to inform you that It will be highly unlikely for me to do a colalb since my hands are pretty full with this story and my social life. So no I can't do collabs or write a story that someone requested, but if you have an idea you'd like to see me implement into the story, either leave a review or message me. If any of you want to get in touch with me, try messaging me on my Instagram account toastymagic13 and I'm going to be looking at my PMs on here more often so you can try that too if you don't have Instagram.

That's pretty much it!

Thanks again, you guys are seriously the best!

-Matt