Klaus had never known the bitter taste of panic — until now. It tasted like that ill-advised beet and turnip pesto pizza Caroline featured during the vegetarian conference — hopeless (and also like dirt, but Caroline stubbornly insisted it was "earthy"). While he was elated to see his siblings again, the timing was very poor. Caroline wasn't ready. He prided himself on being an exceptional lover, but he suspected that it would take more than one glorious afternoon for Caroline to be accepting of his true nature.

He waved his arms wildly at his siblings when they began the opening bellows of the battle cry, trying to silence them before they reached the chorus where their notes would shatter the windows. From their affronted expressions, he suspected the battle would be starting sooner than expected.

However, it was not to be. Instead, Caroline came through the kitchen's swinging doors, studying her clipboard intently as she said, "Klaus, we need to move the last row of kegs — you put the Belgian next to the American, but not all blondes are alike."

"Tell me about it, pet," Kol quipped, comically wiggling his eyebrows.

Klaus flinched when he observed the exact moment Caroline noticed his siblings. Her blue eyes widened and she dropped the clipboard. Everyone looked on in silence as they watched her lovely face grow curiously blank. She finally bent to pick up the clipboard, stiffening as she fixed her gaze firmly on the black sludge of hell's eternal despair crawling across the tile.

"My floor!"

Despite the dire circumstances, Klaus couldn't help but feel a smug satisfaction that he'd accurately predicted Caroline's reaction to her floor. And to think he'd once thought human emotions were difficult to anticipate. "Apologies, love. My siblings, Rebekah and Kol, have tracked mud onto your pristine floor."

Caroline continued to gape at the oozing muck, faintly replying, "Mud doesn't scream."

"Oh, right," Rebekah mumbled, bringing her sword point to the inky black sludge and it immediately ceased its screams, visibly shrinking from her threatening blade before scampering off.

Klaus flashed Caroline a pained smile, nodding encouragingly. Mud could behave in this manner; he was certain of it. Unfortunately, she seemed to be studying his siblings' leathery wings quite intently, and Klaus knew that she was far too clever not to see through a flimsy excuse. "Forgive their unseemly appearance; sadly, my siblings once suffered from the bloody flux and it left them malformed." He ignored their disgruntled noises, far too concerned with the progression of emotions that paraded across Caroline's face.

"Seriously?! The 'bloody flux' is what you're going with?! Those are fucking wings, Klaus!" Glaring at him, she furiously screeched, "Next, you're going to tell me the screaming black goo was brought on by a case of the vapors!"

Klaus was taken aback by the ferocity of her diatribe — and more than a little pleased that she'd cast aside whatever fear she had to embrace her anger. Such a brave little human. "Caroline, love, —"

"Don't you DARE try to bullshit your way out of this Klaus," she snarled, pointing an accusing finger at him, "You lied to me! I might not know what's really going on with you and your scary goth Tinkerbell siblings, but I damn well know there's NO rational explanation for this!"

Again, Klaus found himself completely enamored by Caroline's fury. He suspected that given the right provocation, her wrath would be glorious. Of course, it only was natural that he would be drawn to wrath given the Fifth Circle of hell was under his domain. Over the years, the punishment of the wrathful had shifted, embracing new concepts as humans continued to evolve. Rather than the guilty furiously attacking each other along simple rafts upon the River Styx, they now tear each other to pieces indefinitely waiting at a perpetually crowded port to board a belching behemoth known as a ship of cruise. The shredded bits of palm tree-bedecked garments were quite festive, Klaus privately mused.

Unfortunately, Kol and Rebekah had misinterpreted his lengthy silence and they advanced on Caroline with their swords drawn, fury etched on their faces. Rebekah bellowed, "Foul creature! You think to hold our brother hostage?! What are you, that you can hide your true nature from us?"

Kol angrily slashed the air with his blade, commanding Caroline, "Tell me what magic this is that you can cower behind this shell of humanity? What darkness lies underneath this bit of blonde fluff?! Baba Yaga? Perhaps Camazotz? Or Jormungandr?"

Caroline screamed and raced back into the kitchen with Klaus' siblings chasing close behind. She ducked underneath the counter, grasping a stockpot of simmering marinara sauce and hurling it with all her might at Rebekah and Kol, shrieking, "I'll show you what this blonde fluff can do!"

Klaus yanked both of his siblings away from Caroline, growling viciously, "No! That's my future queen — harm her and I'll see you both hanging from the White Oak Tree of Anguish while goblins chew off your claws!"

The siblings all hissed and snapped at each other, momentarily forgetting about Caroline until she clapped her hands and yelled, "Hey! I'm still waiting on an explanation!" Pointing at the thick sauce dripping down his siblings' heads, she asked, "Why didn't that marinara scald the shit out of you?"

Rebekah carelessly shrugged, explaining, "Because we're devils, you imbecile. I even bathe daily in the Lava Pit of Lobbyists."

"Also, we don't actually need to shit," Kol cheerfully explained.

Klaus sighed in irritation at his bothersome younger brother. If only Rebekah had brought Elijah instead. His elder brother was a pretentious bore (not to mention a loathsome traitor), but his impeccable sense of decorum would have been an asset in this disastrous introduction to the supernatural. He realized Caroline was looking at him expectantly, and he cautiously explained, I'm also a devil. Well, half-devil, half-demon."

She gaped at Klaus and his siblings, seemingly nodding to herself as she muttered, "Huh. So, uh devils. Like a 'devil on my shoulder' kind of thing."

"Not exactly, but that position can be made quite pleasurable if you're interested, pet," Kol told her, eyeing the myriad of kitchen utensils behind them with interest.

Bloody imbecile, Klaus thought, glowering at Kol and lamenting that his powers had been stripped or else he'd have soundly boxed his brother's ears. Despite Kol's ill-conceived antics, it did seem as though Caroline had been distracted from the more alarming aspects of Klaus' secret. While she was still a shade pale from this encounter, at least her body had become a bit more relaxed.

Rebekah hesitantly tasted a bit of the sauce still running down the side of her face, a surprised smile forming as she told Caroline, "This concoction is quite delectable. You've named your altar, Fire and Feast, yes? You must be an accomplished high priestess who tends sacrificial fires," she told her with an almost apologetic smile, and Klaus knew that was the closest his sister would bring herself to apologizing for attacking Caroline.

Caroline snorted, rummaging through a cabinet and tossing towels at them both. "Nope — just an ordinary human who serves extraordinary food." Nodding at the cooling racks laden with dishes, she asked, "Do you guys like beer and pizza? When your brother first got here, he acted like he'd never had it before."

"We didn't have such things in hell," Klaus gently told her, surprised to see that she didn't flinch at this truth. Although perhaps after hearing about demons and devils, hell was less of a concern? What a lovely, utterly confounding creature.

She blinked a few times, taking a deep breath. "Hell. Devils from hell," she muttered to herself, wearily shaking her head. Pointing at Kol, she said, "You go to the front of the restaurant and flip over the sign so it says 'closed'. I'm not feeding hell tourists and explaining you guys to my customers."

At first, Kol seemed ready to make a fuss at being ordered about, but then he seemed intrigued and mouthed 'hell tourists' over and over as he exited the room, pulling a few flames from the candles to juggle. Bloody showoff.

Klaus joined Caroline in gathering up several trays, Rebekah following them curiously as they walked back into the main dining area. Lighting a few candles, Caroline gestured for everyone to sit. "This pizza has the rosemary-butter crust that Klaus really likes, and here's a prosciutto-garlic bread we've started featuring on our menu." Pouring tall glasses of rich amber, she added, "And this is from one of my favorite breweries and tastes like toasted pecans."

Klaus eyed her carefully. "You're handling these revelations quite well." And she truly was. She was perched with the casual elegance of a queen, commanding the room despite the presence of powerful creatures of which she had no understanding.

Shrugging, she replied, "Oh, I'm definitely freaking out; I just multitask better than most." She waved her fork at the siblings, asking curiously, "So, why are you guys here? Are devils and demons allowed to take vacations? Does hell give you guys paid time off?"

Klaus shared an indulgent smile with his siblings. Hell's employee vacation structure was needlessly complex, and the demon union's last strike in which they only tortured with feathers rather than pitchforks had been quite effective during contract negotiations. While he was not well-versed in human courting rituals, it seemed prudent to postpone discussions of torture philosophies until at least the second date. "We're here because of...family discord."

"Family discord, that's bloody brilliant," Kol giggled, grabbing the prosciutto-garlic bread with both fists, turning to Caroline to add, "You should go pack more of this for the trip back, pet." Winking, he added, "It's sinfully delicious."

"What trip," Caroline asked in confusion, pouring another round for the table.

Rebekah took several gulps, looking positively delighted when she let out a small belch. "Our trip back to hell, of course. Our armies are ready to fight at Nik's side as he wrests control of the hellfire throne from our father," she explained matter-of-factly.

Klaus glared at his siblings, seeing the confusion on Caroline's face. There was so much to explain, but he didn't want to overwhelm her. "My siblings and I are descended from a noble line of devils; our father is the king of hell. It was discovered that I am not of his lineage and he cast me out. As I fell to earth, I lost my powers and you were the first creature to show me kindness."

Caroline quietly finished her beer, poured another, and drank off half before she finally rubbed her forehead and chuckled, "So, not just hell tourists, but ROYAL hell tourists. Any other surprises waiting for me?"

Klaus was relieved that she didn't seem especially concerned by these revelations. (Although, he suspected Caroline wouldn't truly begin to express her alarm until after she began creating a few of those tedious lists of hers.) He also noticed she didn't seem to catch that when he and his siblings returned to hell, Caroline would return with them. Best to let that one lie for now. "No other surprises that I can think of, sweetheart," he replied, patting her hand reassuringly.

And that was when the room suddenly shifted, bringing with it the churning, shrieking vortex of hell.