It was Saturday afternoon and Caroline was in a foul mood. Kate was out on her lunch date with Amy and she was stuck at home with nobody but her mother to talk to, and she was not yet that desperate for company. She recognized that she was jealous because she could never just think 'Amy' but always said the name 'Aaaim-eeee' in a snide way.
Caroline needed to know how the date went but at the same time, she didn't want to know how the date went. By early evening, she finally broke down and sent Kate a text.
'Are you interested in getting a drink tonight?'
Kate replied, 'Busy, I can't. Still on for drinks on Friday?'
Shit, they are still together at this hour thought Caroline and to wait a whole week to hear how spectacular the date with 'Aaaim-eeee' was, well that is its own unique type of torture.
Caroline responded, 'Change in plans, I have to take Lawrence somewhere on Friday. Maybe we can try to go to the gardens on Saturday.'
'Can't wait, I hear they are beautiful.'
Caroline was miserable, she couldn't ask Kate outright how the date went but she really needed to know. She would need a plausible reason to see her soon.
'Can you come to my office Monday?'
This was a strategic move by Caroline. It never ceased to amaze her how powerful she felt while in her office. She wasn't just Caroline; she was Dr. Elliot and bad news was easier to give or take while she wore that particular mask. She just needed to steer Kate towards the topic and hopefully she'd say that her date with Aaaim-eeee was a complete disaster.
Monday morning, just moments after Caroline arrived at school, Kate knocked on the door. "Is now a good time?"
Caroline put on a brave face, her Dr. Elliot mask, "Yes, close the door, take a seat."
Before Caroline could say anything else, Kate nervously interjected, "Did Lawrence talk to you…tell you."
Caroline gave a confused look.
"I…I know we are allowed to have private lives, obviously, but while I was on my date, I spotted Lawrence with Angus and his family."
"They invited him out, they do on occasion. He didn't say anything. I wouldn't worry, we've seen other teachers out and I've reminded him, that sort of stuff doesn't belong on Facebook. If you want me to speak with him or Angus, I can."
"Well…I think maybe, it might have been obvious we weren't just friends out to lunch…"
Caroline's heart sank.
"…but no…no, if you think it's okay, that's fine, I just wanted to let you know."
"If you change your mind, let me know," said Caroline. "Are we still on for Saturday or do you have a date with Amy?" Even with the Dr. Elliot mask, she struggled to get out the words.
"Nope, no second date, she was…she was kind, intelligent, beautiful and she would have liked to but, I don't know…I just…I don't know," Kate said as she looked at Caroline and thought, she wasn't you.
"Sorry it didn't work out." She allowed the mask to fall off.
"What did you want to see me about?"
"Mr. Davidson had suggested some new curriculum for next year and I wanted to run it past you. We still have a few weeks before I would need to order new books, but I value your opinion."
John was always unpredictable and never in a good way. He wasn't an awful father; she had seen enough of those while teaching but he was never consistent. Over the years, he'd often make plans with the boys and then back out, only to end up taking them like he originally planned. In hindsight, she realized, it was all probably due to other women. Today was one of those days.
John called Thursday night to say he'd pick Lawrence up from school on Friday to take him to the comic book signing and then to dinner. The vary same plans he canceled on Saturday which caused Caroline to cancel on Kate.
Caroline always had mixed emotions about this. Sad that Lawrence couldn't see his father for the man he was but at the same time, happy that Lawrence couldn't see his father for the man he was. On the positive side, this meant she didn't have to take Lawrence and was free for Friday drinks with Kate.
While Caroline was not a morning person, she never struggled to get ready for work. She had a vast wardrobe and picking what to wear was never an issue, she had always done so with little to no fuss. Today was different, there were already four discarded outfits on her bed and the fifth didn't seem right. By outfit seven, she was running out of time and decided it would have to do.
Most days at school were fairly uneventful, peppered with a few moments of chaos. To some degree, the more hectic work was, the better drinks out would be and both she and Kate had a rough day, thanks to Tabitha 'bleeping' Williams.
Caroline arrived a few minutes ahead of Kate, who had been right behind her but was stuck at the traffic light. This gave her a moment to quickly check herself in the rearview mirror. As she glanced down, she undid one more button on her blouse and smiled. As she looked back up, Kate had just parked next to her.
As they sat, she began to complain about John. She was used to his inconsistencies, but it always bothered her when it impacted the boys. John didn't have to see how disappointed Lawrence was when he canceled, how disappointed Lawrence was that he had to go with his mum and like a slap in the face to her, how thrilled Lawrence was when she told him John said he was coming.
Kate patiently listened before she noticed a button on Caroline's blouse had come undone. And then the blonde leaned forward. She needed to listen, she wanted to stare, she shouldn't stare. She was staring.
Kate looked away briefly, "you are a good mum, Caroline. He's still young but eventually he'll appreciate all you do. I think William does, right? It just takes some kids longer."
Caroline nodded, "William does, most of the time but he has his moments as well."
"Don't we all," said Kate.
Caroline had sufficiently vented about John but neither really wanted to leave, so one drink turned into two as they continued to chat about nothing. Eventually, the pair decided they should probably head home.
They were walking to their cars when Kate turned to Caroline, "after the day I had, I needed this, I'm glad you were able to come out."
"After the day I had, I needed this as well. We can worry about Tabitha on Monday. Until then, we have two whole days without her, unless she decides to stalk us at the gardens tomorrow."
They continued to talk as they stood next to Kate's car, standing just a little closer than normal, smiling just a little more than normal. When they decided for the umpteenth time they should leave, they each leaned in for a hug. They embraced just a little longer than normal, each taking from the other, what they could in the moment, before reluctantly letting go.
That Saturday, after a leisurely stroll through a magnificent gardens they opted to extend their time together and grab some lunch. Caroline was acutely aware of her growing attraction but did her best to hide it from Kate and fool herself that she was just another pretty woman. It was a lie she no longer believed.
Every laugh fills her heart, every smile gives her butterflies, every touch ripples through her. The moments they had were never enough, she was greedy, she wanted more. More time together, more laughter, more smiles, more touches, more, more, more.
After a lovely lunch, they hugged goodbye, more than a just little longer than normal and they parted ways, each to their own car. Kate turned left out of the car park and Caroline to the right. She didn't get very far before she turned onto a quiet side street and pulled over and shut the car off. She screamed a number of expletives before slamming her fists into the steering wheel and then lowered her head and began to sob. After a few moments, whether talking to a god whose existence she questioned or simply to herself, she whispered, "why?"
"Why, why, why," she said louder. "Why Kate? There are seven billion people on this planet, why her, why?"
The tears, anger and fright all continued to mix as she said, "I was managing, I did what was expected of me and John…John fucked it all up," once again slamming down her fists. "Twenty-two years, eight months and…" she paused to think, "…and four days since I last slept with a woman," she chuckled quietly, simultaneously realizing she never had such a count with John and her mother would have been mortified knowing she carried on long after their discussion when she was eighteen.
"I managed," she said quietly, "until Kate," she paused, "Kate…Kate…Kate, even if I want to, I can't, I'm her boss, I can't tell her, I can't, I can't, I can't." She continued to mumble to herself and cry before snapping out of it as someone walking their dog passed by and peered into her car. She quickly pulled herself together, wiped away the tears and drove off.