"...What… was that…?" Jack whispers. No, dog-ear-dude, you did NOT hear that incorrectly.
RED ALERT THIS IS THE HENTAI DREAM.
My safe word is broccoli.
"Unfortunately, you all lost, and as per the terms of the contract you will work as my full-time servants until the very day you graduate from Night Raven College." Yeah, Azul is not making a good case for himself here.
"Hey! This is a scam!" Ace calls out, bringing unnecessary attention to himself.
"Let me see… Ace Trappola, freshman: Heartslabyul. How rude. A scam? The notes I provided, as per the terms of the contract, were perfect." Azul starts in the smarmiest manner. "At minimum for good study, you should have scored at least ninety points."
"Yeah, and? I didn't know you'd give EVERYONE those notes." I see where Ace is going, but…
They're all idiots.
"Ace is right." Deuce…
"And since we got all the same notes—it's impossible for everyone to get in the top 50!" Grim continues.
Yeah, no one here reads their contracts. Unless there was a stipulation against it, Azul was free to contract with as many people as possible. The game's rigged, but it's not unfair.
Don't play.
"If everyone scores an average of 90, then 85 doesn't mean anything!" Grim, you're the reason we got an 85…
"Does no one understand the term confidentiality?" Azul poses. "All of you are the same, iI want good grades but I don't want to study/i, iI'm going to relax until the exam/i, the idiots—I mean, all of you have very different reasons…" Did he just clear his throat there to hide he said idiots? Because he's at least a straight shooter. Calling it as it is. "Confidentiality, the privacy, means not disclosing who else, the circumstances, and contractual contents. How can you expect me to talk about others peoples' deals? It would ruin my reputation. I am a fair, and honest man." A lie of omission is still a lie, though.
But someone is clearly a too-big fan of the Sopranos. Wait. DO they have that here? I doubt it. But… still. My point stands. This Mafia-Don LARPing is… cringe. It's pretty cringe.
How he holds his hand over his heart and holds out the other one with that insincere smile. Oof.
He continues, pulling out a large golden contract. "-as we can all see here, it's on page 127 of the contract—a non-disclosure agreement clause." Wait wait. They have NDAs here?
The fuck?
But no labor laws?
What ass backwards legal system is this?
"See? It's all here in the contracts you signed." Azul continues.
"—so what happens to the magic we gave as collateral?" Grim asks.
HE GAVE WHAT?
"And my water magic?" A Pomefiore student asks.
"What about my unique magic!? I need it back!" A Scarabia student calls out.
"My, my, everyone…" Azul has this dramatic shrug too, like nothing can be helped. I'm not really into Mr. Mafia Larper here. "Did… all of you forget the terms of our contracts?"
Who read it, that's MY question. I am not signing a contract for notes that's 127 pages or longer. Who the fuck does that?
...Right. These idiots…
"The trade is clear, iin exchange for the notes for the upcoming exam, you must surrender your most prized ability/i. iIf you rank in the top fifty of your class, your ability will be returned to you… and I, Azul, will continue to provide notes until your graduation. However, in the circumstance of which you are unable to achieve a score as the top 50—you will be under my complete and absolute submission until graduation./i" Azul has these memorized. "—and, of course, the lock of hair in exchange for the binding of the agreement." Creepy voodoo shit too. "In other words, now, the return of your magic is completely and wholly at my discretion."
"Unbelievable!" Ace exclaims.
"Why would any of you give up your magic like this in the first place?" Should I have more sympathy for them? Absolutely not! These idiots gave away their magic for notes instead of studying harder! We had STUDY SESSIONS!
"After listening to all of this I can't stand iany/i of you!" Ah, yeah, Jack's all about hard work and not cheating. Of course he'd be pissed.
There's a bunch of surprised gasps.
"J-jack? Why are you here?"! Deuce, you think we wouldn't follow? Really? Ace must have control of the brain cell right now.
"AH, and who are you? You… don't have an anemone on your head." Azul questions.
I wish he had said tentacle and for some reason I'm really disappointed by this direct confirmation. Life is sometimes filled with disappointments… like my always-throbbing head either by the head injury or the stupidity I'm surrounded by day in and day out!
Yeah I am really not feeling good.
"This is a staff meeting—would you, the unauthorized personnel…" Azul catches my gaze, and there's this brief grin. "—escort yourselves out?"
I shuddered.
"Oh—kicking me out? I won against all of this as I actually studied hard on my own! But what you're doing—what you've done is underhanded! All of my efforts meant nothing because of this scheme!" Jack's growling too. I kind of him want to bite fish mafia there.
"And you involved my dorm member, and my academic other half in an academic affair without my knowledge or consent." Two of us can use fancy language here. I read big books too. And I've already done the non-magical school life but… but it…
Oh that's not good.
"Oh! No! Jack! Did you come to save us?!" Grim, you little shit.
"You're getting the wrong idea. I hate ievery/i single one of you here." That is some burning ire, Jacky boy. I'm not even going to dissuade it because I'm so disappointed in everyone right now.
"But it's not my concern—my side to take between scammers and dependents."
I already… know that this is something I'm getting involved with because Grim's involved, and because there's so many students I have no doubt in my mind that Crowley's probably going to force the issue too.
"So, why are you here, exactly?" Ace asks.
"No—no! I get it! Jack made me realize something—we should FIGHT!" God. Damn. It. Grim. "If we overpower Azul, we can take the contract and destroy it!"
"You've got a good idea." Is that the same Pomefiore student from earlier?
"—we have numbers, even without some of our magic! Let's get him!" The Scarabia student is insisting a workers' uprising without actually working.
Is this a union speed run?
"No! No! Wait—we don't—this place will get destroyed! We are iunderwater!/i" And the boys at Night Raven College are exceptionally stupid.
"Ay, ay, I honestly didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice." How many cliches can you use, mafia man?
With the Sea With dorm I think fish mafia works too.
I'll see what sticks.
"Jade. Floyd. Why don't you two come out to play with them?" Is he doing the anime fully-hand glasses push up? What a nerd.
FUCK. IT'S THE TWINS!
Oh GOD does a shudder go down my spine! And really with the suits and the scarves? The fedoras? Yeah, mafia wanna-bes. Did they have that phase? Is this just their idea—what IS all of this? I am so bothered. But I like that I can really differentiate the twins—Jade is dressed nicely, and Floyd barely bothered.
"Of course." Jade seems pleased with himself, and I don't like that.
"Oh man, it's going to be so fun to strangle them all!" Floyd exclaims so joyfully. "Yay!"
That boy ain't right.
I'm glad I didn't get to know him at camp.
"No!" Jack has me, pulling me back from the rush of students that come forward to combat the Leech twins. Ones who have met them before retreat—while others, foolhardy, are rushing forward and slinging magic.
Azul's grinning like a mastermind as if this is all going to plan.
I hate that we made eye contact again.
It's a slaughter. An embarrassing slaughter. The three of them mow down the little battalion like it's nothing; their magic, and skills, are superb. Sure, if there was someone like Riddle here or Leona I doubt it would be like this—but these are probably average students, and mostly freshmen. Housewardens are Housewardens for a reason—and if I recall correctly, one of the Leech twins is the Vice.
There's no… standing against that.
Floyd lets out such a disappointed huff as it ends. "So, so weak—I didn't even get to strangle a single one!" He's… whining?
I.
What?
Jack hasn't let me go, he's standing protectively; his hackles are raised—I hear a low growl.
I really appreciate it.
"I'm okay." I offer, maybe it'll help?
"A school of helpless fish I ever saw…" Azul seems disappointed, too, commenting on what's happened.
I can see the satisfied smile on Jade's face. Boy, he wigs me out. "
"How can Azul use so much magic?!" Ace struggles to get back up.
Jack is sharing a look of both anger and disbelief. The growling hasn't stopped. "-maybe he's using that golden contract to channel all the magic?" Good theory.
"Damn… I didn't realize how much I relied on my cauldrons." Deuce sighs, defeated.
"And without his fire, Grim's just a cat with a few tricks." Ace sounds so disappointed.
"M'not a cat…" And Grim falls over.
"Youa re right about that, Ace Trappola! You signed a golden contract, and it cannot be revoked. No matter what magic you use, no matter what you try—you cannot destroy it." And what a sinister chuckle he lets out. Ugh, Azul… "The anemones make your fate clear: you will obey my orders."
Don't care for this one either. That's two Housewardens on my not okay list.
"Now then, let's get to work: first, cleaning up this mess. And then? The food preparations. Come one everyone, get to work." Azul orders.
"Are you kidding me?" Ace sighs.
"Jade. Floyd. Please proceed to train our new staff members."
"Yes." The two respond in creepy twin sync.
"—and you two, Jack Howl from Savanaclaw, and No Wei—the Housewarden of Ramshackle… correct?" Azul's got his creepy attention on us. "Please leave of your own accord. The next time when Monstro Lounge is open, you are both more than welcome to visit. I will personally make sure of that." How he turns from a glare to such a gracious pose as a proper host to such an establishment gives me the chills.
Jack is growling after Azul's retreating footsteps.
"No. Let's go. There's nothing else we can do right now." Jack says wisely.
The tugs have started, forcing the students to follow the Leech twins' directions.
"Is there… really nothing we can do?" Of course not. Ugh. What even is this?
"You saw the battle, No, we can't do anything… not right now." That gives me a little hope, at least.
We retreat for now, exiting Monstro Lounge and event he majestic beauty of this dorm doesn't lift up my spirits.
It's not that long of a walk to Ramshackle, but I'm feeling so low on energy—it doesn't help I've felt bad for a couple days now, forget the recurring migraine from the Spelldrive Disc. It's still a tender spot, but I think part of it is just everything else. I'm probably getting stress sick and this is the latest problem not making it any better for me at all.
Fuck.
When we get in, Jack makes sure I take a seat before sitting on a chair nearby. He's quiet for a minute, sitting there, arms crossed and thinking. "...Those… the students with the anemones on their heads made deals with Azul to get good scores on their test. So many of them, that of course there would be many not in the top fifty as per the contract… they thought they were getting a good deal, not being aware of anyone else with that non-disclosure section…" He's walking through all of this. "Azul tricked them, he knew what he was doing."
"It's a perfect strategy to get fresh, constant workers for the Monstro Lounge. Downright genius. But aren't there labor laws here? Or… something in the school rules against this?" That is a thing you consult Riddle on, actually.
"There's no point in getting good grades if you have to rely on anyone else!" Jack.
I give him such a look. "You're not the one stuck in a half-student relationship, Jack." Oh, maybe my temper's a little…
He sighs. "That's—different. Studying together, and what you're doing—it's—it is what it is—but instead of taking the time to study themselves and put forth the effort they took the easy way out." Jack continues. "They just wanted bragging rights. It wasn't for their futures, or anything important. It's stupid."
"Isn't it troublesome, that so many of the students don't share Howl's mentality?" Oh FUCK ME RUNNING SIX WAYS TO SUNDAY IT'S FUCKING CROW MASTER FUCKLORD EXTRAORDINAIRE HIMSELF CROWLEY! "If they were serious and studious, I wouldn't have such a hard time..."
I FUCKING CALLED IT.
"Ah! Headmaster! You—you startled me!" Jack does look startled.
"Do you have any excuse sneaking in here, lying in wait, and finally speaking at a dramatic moment or are you just a creeper?" Is this the off chance he's listening? Doubt.
A deep sigh leaves the pimped-out Headmaster. "Once more…" He sighs, "I am unable to stop Ashengrotto's…" I do wonder how he hasn't clawed himself with those things when he raises his hands up for, "business" quotation marks.
"So what DO you know about this mess and why am I getting drug in this time?" Besides Grim.
"Azul Ashengrotto. Sophomore. Dorm Leader of Octavinelle. Like Rosehearts, he is an exceptional sophomore, and rose to his status during his freshman year—he has impeccable leadership over his dorm, as well." Or does he rule them like a mafia don, Crowley? "He—he is a little… no—no. He is quite problematic." YOU. DON'T. SAY.
Actually, what student here ISN'T a little problematic? I'm pretty sure between the three dorm leaders I've had pretty decent dealings—no. FOUR. FOUR OF THESE ASSHOLES NOW.
Well. Riddle's working on it. I actually like him as a person, he just needs a lot of therapy. But Vil Schoenheit? Azul Ashengrotto? Leona Kingscholar? Fuck 'em.
"Is it only the scamming? And why aren't you stopping it, you are the Headmaster after all." Jack once more makes an excellent point. He's a great sidekick for this adventure. It's a little weird not hearing Grim's shit-tier commentary on things, but I'm really liking the upgrade. Talking cat demon to man wolf…
So I'm moving down the furry scale. Go me.
Jack does not understand yet that I am here for the Headmaster's dirty work. He'll learn.
"It is because… as a teacher, I cannot ban his actions." I'm sorry Mr. Crow but you're full of shit. That's EXACTLY what teachers do.
"What's the real reason?" I ask.
"...And that means…?" Jack crosses his arms, clearly unimpressed.
"All Ashengrotto is doing, is distributing exam preparation notes to other students." Wrong. Try again, Crowley.
"He's enslaving part of the student body but sure, let's go with that." It's the part of the day where no one hears No Wei and I'm fine with that.
That's a lie.
"What he's doing isn't violating the rules—he's not stealing test answers." Crowley continues to explain. "And those guides are based off of all exam questions from the tests at Night Raven College for the past 100 years." Impressive, but the problem is student enslavement, not notes. "It's his personal study guide."
"While that is insane. Impressive. But—Headmaster. I implore you. He's ienslaving students/i, that has to be against the rules." Please. Someone. Listen to me.
"That's an impressive feat to do on his own!" Jack, stop being impressed and wagging your tail in admiration!
Aw but he's so cute…
"Wait… It's because this isn't cheating that you can't do a thing?" Jack asks, he's starting to get to my point but building a bridge takes time.
"Howl, your instincts are good. Yet as a teacher, an educator, I cannot prohibit students from making notes done in a legitimate matter of study." Crowley, you can prevent him from enslaving the student body to get access to them. "And clearly, he was only kindly helping fellow students study." His arms cross and I know he's full of shit.
"But aren't there laws against this sort of thing—long-term servitude? Or a school rule against basically enslaving other students?" I am trying but I do not understand what this guy is on about.
"So a ban might result in the students thinking they shouldn't study or ask their friends for help…" There's a growl of course as Jack gets further from the proper conclusion. "What a problem…"
NO. NO TO BOTH OF YOU.
Ugh, my head.
I might have tension headaches now because of these people.
But suddenly Jack perks up. "Wait—Headmaster… what was that? About… not being able to stop them… iagain/i?" Those big fluffy cute as can be ears are for something. "Did this happen last year, too?"
"Yes, it did; however, it was not this… large last year." Oh my God what happened and why are you a useless educator, Crowley?
Pretty sure he's made 0 progress on that iGet No Wei Out of Twisted Wonderland/i plan.
"I thought it wouldn't happen again this year, but…" He continues, "—there was a rumor this year, spread across the entire school that if someone wanted high scores on these exams, they needed to visit the Monstro Lounge."
"And no one was warned about what would happen if they didn't fulfill the contract?" Jack asks, he seems a little onto that this is a heaping pile of bullshit. Good.
"That is what it looks like—and as a result, there are countless victims this year of Ashengrotto's deal making…" He's looking at his claws so dramatically too. Please don't start that awkward sobbing again, Crowley. I don't want to deal with it and no one else deserves to suffer it too. "It also ruined the grade curve with the overall average of every tests being a i90/i. It ruins the curve! Even if it is preferable to failure…"
"That brings up a good question: what happened to the students last year? Are they still without their magic?" Jack's asking more pertinent questions but I just really wish Grim didn't make this my problem.
Oh who am I kidding, Ace and Deuce ALSO made this my problem. The three dumb asses made this a big problem for me. Do I deserve this? No. But I still have to live with it and the consequences.
"...Well… that is the thing… last year, he negotiated with me: the return of the students' magic in exchange for the opening and managing of the full operations of Monstro Lounge." AH. NOW THIS BULLSHIT MAKES SENSE. "He came to my office, citing that students without magic, so many, would ruin Night Raven College's reputation. In exchange for my cooperation, he would return their magic and offer a cut of the profits..."
Jack gasps in surprise.
"So he strong-armed the Headmaster into a contract… it makes what Dorm Leader Leona did look… childish." Jack, never tell Leona that.
"Jack, do not tell that to Leona." I sigh.
"With the school receiving ten percent of the profits, it is a rather win-win situation… yet it is so…" The Headmaster continues to reveal why he should not be responsible for students.
"What?! And—and you—ugh." Jack understands my frustration.
We're growing closer.
"Ah—what will he demand of me this year…?" Crowley asks in horror. "Will I once more be bound by another deal with Ashengrotto to save those idiot—poor, unfortunate souls? I—I am so kind."
"Expel him." I say immediately.
"Ashengrotto is a diligent student—and his habits are helping fellow students… at least, an outside perspective may think so." No one thinks so, Crowley.
"Expel, or murder." I suggest. Again.
Jack gives me a look.
I shrug. What?
"I am only a teacher; I am without the power to stop him." That's some more lamenting and blabbering from someone that could do something but isn't doing anything. "Oh, why is this school full of such problematic students?!"
Oh God he's crying again.
Jack and I are sharing the same horrified expression. This is a terrible, awful experience. What is it, the fourth time I've had to witness this? Have I not sinned enough and suffered for it? May I not be forgiven, to never suffer this grown man crying again in his weird pimp outfit and strange crow motif?
"I'm clearly fucked and going to get drug into some more bullshit." I state, for the Universe to know my absolute suffering.
"...No… Could you go to Ashengrotto, and convince him to stop this madness? Free your fellow students—where I cannot?" Crowley once more assigns me a horrific task. Great.
I love this bullshit.
Jack looks horrified and bewildered. Yes. This is MY life.
"I would like to be a student and not the school's evil-plot-clean-up-crew. If you haven't noticed, I don't have magic, and worse yet my posse isn't here to back me up." I'm trying to explain to Crowley; but I know he's never going to listen and I am FUCKED YET AGAIN.
"And, you know… Ramshackle's food expenses have gotten so terribly high… is that not cruel? And with my extensive research to send someone back to another world, maybe even another dimension—how could I have time to deal with this? Oh—oh! Don't mind me—I just—I am lamenting my kindness."
"I already worked off the lunch budget you're paying and managing the dorm's appropriate budget with the paperwork you make me turn in… plus stipend stuff…" I counter bitterly. "And really? What IS the progress on that?" But I sigh. "This means there's no other way to free them if I don't do it, is there?"
"It's because our administration is like this that we have a horrid student body." Jack says with such a gruff to it, shaking his head.
"I clearly don't have a choice. Fine. I'll go to another deadly plot mission but I want the birthdays I have to do CUT. And—we're replacing the broken tile and the old mattresses of this dorm even if it's out of budget." I huff my demands.
"Ah! Wonderful! Yes, yes! I am so glad to hear you will help—as expected of my excellent choice in the Dorm Leader I handpicked!" This crow fucker. "Ah! I am quite busy, students, so please excuse me! I am counting on you and your success!"
I give Jack such a tired look.
"...Is this how the Headmaster always is…? He seems to just drop in as he pleases… so, No—what's the plan?" Oh!? Jack's helping me?!
He is an angel. Good dog. Best friend.
"He won't stop if we ask." An obvious statement, Jack.
"We'll have to observe the target first, gather information, and then see if there's a way to possibly negotiate or strong-arm him. I'm not sure-" Okay I could be very very dirty about this, but it's against common decency.
"Scoping out the enemy—good intuition, No." He's grinning at me like he's proud of me and I kinda like that. "And it might teach them a lesson if we let them suffer awhile." Oh, little bit of a sadist too.
"True." I say, and my instincts are also telling me that with those looks from Azul, he wants something from me too.
But the fuck do I have of any value or worth to someone like him?
Hentai dreams… uh.
Hm.
"Let's meet in the morning—how about the hallways bordering the Courtyard? I think it will be a good place to start… since we're going mafia hunting." I tell Jack.
"Mafia hunting?" He questions.
"I have so much culture to teach you about—good ol' American culture."
Well, it begins again: bullshit for Crowley.
What fuckery will it be this time?