Torchwood: Divergence
Book Two: Adferiad
Chapter 25
Gwen closed the bookcase door behind her, and after a few minutes the two Hub residents heard the big cog-wheel door open then boom closed shortly after. Time to turn in for the night.
"Did the seizure make your side worse?" Jack queried quietly, turning his head to meet his partner's red-rimmed eyes.
"A little," Ianto admitted, his voice strained and nearly inaudible. "I'm sorry I asked Gwen not to tell you. I just didn't want you to worry… you've been through so much already tonight."
"It's okay," the older immortal reassured, giving the Changeling's hand an affectionate squeeze. "I've run you through the wringer with me since this started hours ago. I can't imagine anyone putting up with me the way I was after the Scieron finally sent you back. You weathered it all better than I ever could've hoped, and made me feel like no matter how bad things seemed it would turn out all right, because you still loved me. Without that… I don't know if I'd've come out of the meltdown same."
"I just feel like I'm failing you again," Ianto breathed, closing his eyes and hanging his head. "You need me to hold you close and give you a strong shoulder to lean on. You deserve that care and support more than anyone I've ever known, and so rarely gotten anything vaguely like it. I want to do that for you, Jack, but I can't manage to come even close without having convulsions and ending up a wreck… I can't do something so simple when you really need me to."
"You're doing fine," his partner insisted gently. "Honestly. No white lies to spare your feelings, no bull shit to hide the truth. You are the only reason I'm not still screaming and trying to bash my brains out against the wall. No, I'm not back to my normal, charming self yet, but I'm on my way. You gave me the love and support I needed when I needed it most, even though you weren't in any fit state to be doing anything but sleeping. And you're still right here for me, only now I'm okay enough to let you lean back a little. So, no more doubts or apologies, yeah? I say we're through for the night and it's past time to get ready for bed."
Ianto nodded, the older man quickly kissing the back of his hand before releasing it.
"Come on," Jack urged with a tired smile. "Quick shared shower, then you need to sleep."
The pair managed to get undressed, washed up, and dried off in fairly short order, not bothering with briefs as they quickly brushed their teeth then crawled between the just changed sheets and turned off the bedside lamp. The warm glow of the net lights overhead still softly illuminated the room, and they shifted to get comfortable.
"How's your side?" Harkness murmured, not wanting to put an arm where he could accidentally apply pressure to the damaged area.
"Pretty stiff and sore, but mending," the young Welshman reassured, radiating more than enough heat to prove the point. "Though it's causing me problems trying to sit up enough to give you your goodnight kiss."
"Well, trade about is only fair," Jack chuckled, carefully moving to brace himself up on one elbow and slide his free hand around the back of his lover's neck. "And I really should try to kiss the 'owie' better too."
He started out with a simple, light kiss on the lips then worked his way down the twenty-six-year-old's chin, throat and chest, shifting the covers back as he went. Finally, he came to the visibly bruised area on the younger man's left side over his lower ribs and diagonally across toward his navel. Each centimetre got a small, gentle kiss, before he made his way back up to the slight smile the injured Changeling now wore. This time the Captain claimed his beloved's mouth in a serious, full on snog, leaving his Archivist practically breathless when he finally drew back.
"Better?" Harkness whispered, playfully nibbling at the Shadow resurrected Welshman's left earlobe.
"Tonnes," Ianto sighed, closing his eyes and actually starting to fully relax. "I just wish it was already healed, so we could have a proper post-resurrection reunion."
"We'll just delay it a day," the American promised, settling himself and the covers once more so he could put his arms around his partner and hold him in a close but careful embrace. "Once the kids go home tomorrow, we'll have a special little dinner, either here or out, open a present apiece because we can, and then 'dabble' till dawn. Acceptable?"
"Sounds perfect," Ianto murmured, snuggling against the former Time Agent's chest and sliding down a little farther on the pillows so he could rest the side of his forehead near the older immortal's throat.
All was quiet then for several minutes, exhaustion seeming to have won out. But just when the Captain thought his companion was asleep, the young Welshman suddenly tightened his own embrace.
"Will you promise me something, Jack?" Ianto whispered uncertainly.
"I'll try," his lover replied honestly.
"Please don't ever let things build inside to the point they were today," Ianto begged softly. "I know there's a lot you're afraid to show, things you don't feel you should share because the rest of the team wouldn't understand. But I do, Jack… more than you might think and for a lot longer than you realise. In London I said I'd only scratched the surface, you told me that was all there was, but I knew it was a lie because I'd already seen beneath the gloss to the misery it was covering. And even though I didn't know details then, I recognised that inner abyss. You've pulled me from its edge so many times… I want to do the same for you.
"I'd rather we take time alone in the firing range or up on a tall building somewhere so you can get thing's off your chest once in a while, than feel like my heart and soul are shredding because it hurts so much to see you break like you did today. God, Jack… there were times I wanted to find a way to kill us both just to give you a little peace, and that scared me most of all. I'll never turn you away, and I swear I'll endure as many rounds as I have to exactly like we just went through if that's how it has to be. It may never get that far though if you let me help you vent more often. Don't say you will if you know you can't. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to do anything just to please me. But if you think you could promise to at least try, I'd be happy."
The older immortal was silent for a moment, then he shifted one hand to gently stroke his lover's hair.
"I knew I was hurting you," Harkness breathed. "And not just the physical damage I caused or the strain of holding back seizures. I'm sorry I put you through that… I didn't realise just how bad it was for you. You are a lot stronger than I ever imagined, or you wouldn't have come out whole at the end. Yeah, it's hard for me to share some things. I never had anyone before that I could trust completely, and wouldn't end up permanently medicated or locked in an asylum if I told them half of what was bothering me. But you're right.
"You know me better than anyone, Ianto, and no matter what ugly secrets have come to light since we started our affaire, you've accepted them, dealt with them, and kept right on loving me. Even when I've been a rude, cold-hearted bastard and purposefully tried to hurt you. That's part of why falling in love with you was so different from anyone else I took a chance with in the past, why you were the only person I couldn't just let Death have and move on from. I did promise you before that I'd do more sharing and told you not to let me backslide. I'm glad you're not afraid to push the point. And the idea of taking a private time-out when something gets to be too much is a good idea. But it needs to work both ways. I promise to let you know I need some venting time once in a while, so I want you to promise me the same. No more solo trips to the firing range when you're upset, okay? At least let me know you're going, so I can come try to help once you've had a chance to relax."
"I promise," Ianto replied quietly, turning his head so he could place a kiss on the American's collarbone. "Thank you for trusting me. I know I haven't always done things to deserve it in the past."
"I'm a lot guiltier of that than you are," Jack countered firmly. "Look at all the things I kept from you till today, even after the trouble it caused with the 456. Think about the stuff I had you do behind the scenes without the rest of the team knowing, where you'd take the heat and end up looking like you'd betrayed me or them if things went wrong. Things I openly let you take the blame for, outright named you as the guilty party to keep them from doubting me. And you never told me no."
"The only one it ever went wrong with was Gwen," the twenty-six-year-old in his arms sighed. "You hoped she'd see the truth about the Rift victims and leave it alone, not insist on bringing a relative to visit one of them and then let the woman refuse the Retcon after. She was upset because she thought I'd slipped her information without permission, but also angry that I knew the truth and hadn't just told her. Then she was furious when she found out you'd had me pay Mrs. Bevan a visit to give her an update on her son, and put two Level 3's in her diet soda so she wouldn't remember anything about the Island. Just quietly accept that her boy was gone, because Gwen simply let it go when she first refused the drug and the poor woman was absolutely miserable. Gwen wouldn't speak to me for a week after that."
"Sometimes PC Cooper is too stubborn and persistent for anyone's good," Harkness frowned, then gave a tiny shrug. "It's part of why I recruited her, but gets pretty annoying some days. Nobody's perfect though, and life would be really boring if they were. No, we know we can trust each other now if no-one else. I may have doubted the Scieron early on, but you've shown me repeatedly that they really meant every word they said that day on the firing range and I've learned that the only one I ever need to trust is you. Which I always have, by the way, even after Lisa. So, we're good, yeah?"
"Yes, sir," Ianto half-smiled, letting the older man's unique scent and soft touch on his hair and face lull him toward sleep.
They both heard the Rift alarm go off out in the Hub at that moment, but the Captain casually place his hand over his partner's ear to muffle the alert, obviously intending to ignore it.
"Sleep…" he urged gently, closing his eyes and concentrating on the sound of the younger immortal's breathing and the rhythm of both their hearts. "Everything else can wait till tomorrow."
Jack briefly shifted both hands, tugged loose the buckles on his wrist strap, then turned just enough to put it on the night table before snuggling beneath the blankets again. He got his arms back around Ianto the way they had been, felt the Changeling smile and sigh as he drifted into a deeper sleep. This had been a traumatic day, regardless of getting the Welshman back in one piece from Hell. They both needed some uninterrupted rest, and even if Cardiff was currently being invaded by an alien army, he was determined they weren't moving out of this bed until they both felt fit enough to face the day.
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AN: Things are finally really looking up after a truly harrowing experience for the boys. With luck, Christmas Eve will be nothing but smooth sailing.
Posting Saturday and Sunday until New Year's Day… And I'll be doubling up as well as posting when I can during the week, because I really want to at least get through Christmas Eve by our own Christmas Day. Happy Holidays…
Thank you to those reading the story. And thank you to those who have followed, favourited, and reviewed. NM