Hey guys, welcome back! I know that there has been some time that has passed since I last updated this story and I would like to apologise wholeheartedly for that. I know you don't want to hear any excuses but I have had a lot going on with life which has prevented me on working on all of my stories not just this one. I do want to advise (like I have done with every story I have posted recently) that I have evaluated everything on my fanfiction page recently and I think the plan that I had in place initially wasn't working (where I work on stories between my main story) I feel if anything this has put me into a writing block rather than helping me complete chapters and stories. So, at the moment I am going going to post whenever and whatever I like and in no particular order (as I did have a particular order in my mind). So, with this in mind I am going to post the chapters that I currently have ready and in connection to this story it is just this next chapter. I also some of you may not read this, but as you have come to learn by me now I always want to explain what I am doing. I just felt like I was being held hostage by time and struggling to find time to finish chapters and stories. I hope you all understand, much love RSD xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.
"Yeah" I answered, pursing my lips together. "Of course" I nodded as I watched as he continued to keep his face blank so I couldn't read how he was feeling or what he was about to say. "Do you want to wait until I have done this so we can talk over dinner?" I started to offer. "Or do you want to talk now?" I added.
"Erm-" he muttered and I watched as he bit down on his bottom lip nervously.
"It's up to you Cedric" I meekly smiled at him, hoping that my meek smile would help him in this situation. "Ball is in your court baby" I continued and we both smiled at each other for a few seconds before he broke the silence.
"We can talk over dinner" he decided with my favourite crooked smile, which started to make me feel marginally better about what he wanted to say to me. "I'll just go and get changed" he advised as he nodded behind him in the direction of our bedroom.
"Ok" I nodded and I watched as he quickly left the room, in fact I stared at the door way for a few seconds before I finally turned my head away. After everything that had happened today I really didn't know what to make about Cedric's current behaviour. Of course I understand that he's annoyed, anyone would be! What concerned me is that there was a undercurrent of uncertainty that was telling me something else was going on here - and that was scaring me right down to my core.
I had just finished making our meal of spaghetti bolognese I heard footsteps before I saw Cedric reenter the room out of the corner of my eye. We both turned and smiled at each other as I watched him go to the fridge and he pulled out two cans of Pepsi max out of the fridge. I turned around to finish with what I was doing and as I did this I heard two light thuds on the table and the chair scraping across the floor which told me that Cedric had set both the drinks down and sat down into his seat. I turned around with both plates in my hand and started to walk towards the out kitchen table, he both shared another smile as I set both plates down on the table and I quickly sat down in my seat that was opposite him.
As the room filled with silence I decided to let Cedric talk when he is ready, I saw no point in pushing the issue - he was obviously upset about the matter. And me trying to force it out of him was only going to make things worse, and this was the last thing that I wanted to do. As I picked up my knife and fork my mind then started to wander onto what had happened today, I then watched as Cedric have me a hopeful look before he took a couple of deep breaths before he broke the silence.
"Is it ok to talk about what happened?" he asked hesitantly. I pulled one brow up at the fact that he asked me if it was ok, of course it was I just didn't think that he would have asked permission to do so.
"Of course it is Cedric" I smiled at him as I stabbed my fork into one of the meatballs into my mouth. "Whenever you are ready to talk I'm ok with" I added before I took a small bite from the meatball on my fork.
"Thank you" he stated as my favourite crooked smile spread across his face. "First of all-" he started. "I would like to apologise for my actions today" he added as he pursed his lips together "I shouldn't have let Cormac get to me like that" he continued. "It's just-" he stated. "He pushes all of your buttons" he grimaced as I watched his both of his hands ball up on the top of the table. "Yes" he said with a blank look on his face. "And even though I know he means nothing to you, it's just-" he finished as he sighed as he pursed his lips together.
"Yes?" I prompted as I pulled one brow up at him, as nervousness pricked my stomach once more.
"I can't help feeling insecure" he quickly admitted as he pursed his lips together and balled his fists up again.
"Oh Cedric" I sighed sadly, I hated seeing him like this. Of course I understood how he felt, I was always scared of losing Cedric. I knew that he would never cheat on me, but the thought of him finding someone else was something that I always struggled with - especially after breaking up with him before I had to go into hiding. Unfortunately it looked like this was something that the pair of us was always going to struggle with. "You have no reason to feel insecure" I stated, hoping to start to reassure him. "You know I only love and want to be with you" I reminded him with a fond smile.
"I know" he answered with a meek nod. "And I don't even know why what he said bothered me so much" he stressed. "I just think that-" he started before he quickly stopped himself.
"Yes?" I prompted once more as I placed both my knife and fork down.
"After everything we have already been through-" he began again. "You leaving me is always going to be a fear of mine" he confessed and I watched as fear started to enter his eyes. I knew how much we both suffered with the separation when I went into hiding, and this did feed into our relationship when he did get back together. Every time we had to spend an extended time away from each other it was very hard, especially when I went back to Hogwarts to finish my final year. I know that Cedric supported my decision but I knew that he also did struggle being away from me - as so did I. So to help combat this we made sure we saw each other as often as we could, as much as school and work commitments would allow.
"I feel the same Cedric" I admitted. "We have been so through so much together" I added. "And I will always feel to blame for the hurt I put you through breaking up with you" I continued as I pursed my lips together.
"Mione-" he started and I knew what he was going to say. As soon as I brought up my guilt for breaking up with him and for what had happened to him at Malfoy Manor Cedric was always quick to dismiss it. I understand why he felt the way he did and we have talked about this at great depth but no matter how much time passed I always couldn't shift this blame and I didn't know if I ever would - even though I am working on this.
"Cedric" I advised. "Please let me say this" I begged and I watched as he looked up and down my face for a few seconds before he nodded. "As you know I am working on that blame-" I reminded him. "Losing you in never going to be an option for me, it scares me just the same" I pressed. "What we both need to concentrate on is not losing one another" I continued, hoping that my words was going to reassure him. "But to enjoy every moment that we have together" I finished with a warm smile. The kitchen fell into silence as Cedric took in what I had just said to him, I was about to say something to break the silence but stopped when I watched as a warm smile spread across his face.
"You're right" he nodded eagerly as he reached over and took both of my hands in his and he gave them both a gentle squeeze. "No matter what comes our way" he stated. "Or who" he added as he sighed. "That is what we need to concentrate on" he decided. "That" he said. "And our upcoming wedding" he continued proudly.
"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Which can't come quick enough my dear" I stated happily as I squeezed his hands back.
"Eager to be Mrs Diggory" he chuckled at me.
"Always Cedric" I grinned back. "Always" I repeated and I watched as the smile on his face then turned into a very large and proud grin. We started at each other for a few seconds before Cedric dropped my hands and picked up his knife and fork, and we both then started to eat our evening meal together. I couldn't help but feel relieved, yes I wasn't happy with what happened today but I was over the moon with the conversation that I had just shared with Cedric. I felt that after what had happened he needed my reassurance, he needed me to tell him that it was him I only wanted. Of course I knew he already knew this but there were times when he needed me to say it, as there had been times in the past when I had felt the same. But me and Cedric were so in sync we knew what we needed to do for each other, and this was never, ever going to change.