More Than Words

Nothing can stop someone with the right mental attitude from achieving

Sam and Mercy sat beaming; they couldn't have been any prouder if someone had asked them to be. This was their dream, it had come around in an unexpected way, but it was their dream, and they felt privileged and proud to be witnessing it

Flashback from Sam's POV

We'd waited long enough to get married, compared to our friends thirty-eight was late, so it came as no sock when after just six months of married life we announced we were pregnant, everyone was happy for us, we were elated, we were going to be a family. The love was always there but it grew in a way I couldn't explain when we got married it was like there was a physical tie there, then when a baby came into the equation it went into orbit. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said we both went into protective mode, people couldn't drink, smoke, or swear in our presence, everything had to be clean, pure, and ready for when our little one entered our world.

The actual pregnancy was textbook, we had the morning sickness, munchies, cravings, and we enjoyed every moment of it, even vomited together once, as I remember. Braxton Hicks where scary as hell, but the real thing OMG nothing actually prepares you for that, at the time it was pure pain, but when he arrived, we looking at each other, smiled and gave him his name

"Orin" we smiled at his little face, before sharing a kiss, how something so traumatic turned into something so beautiful so quickly is beyond me. We cooed in awe of him, while checking his little fingers and toes, somehow in that second those things were important. There was no doubt in our minds which day care, pre-school, even college, Orin was going to, where his first tooth was going to live when it fell out, even which friends and family we'd call on to look after him, we were ready.

Having been very shy at school we'd both decided that Orin needed to be socialised as quickly as possible, so we were great advocates for supplying those environments for our child, to avoid him the traumas we'd suffered. Week two and we didn't look anything like the elated parents we'd been at the hospital, Orin had developed colic, he was keeping us up day and night, I was still at work so of course I could only support Mercy during the night.

"Family life" Will; my boss smiled at me knowingly "Remember those days, these are the ones people forget to tell you about"

"We're good" was all I had, I just wanted to slap my head on my desk and fall asleep, but the class of 2023 New Directions were due in any minute, so I struck the proverbial match sticks in my eyes to keep them open, and carried on

I got home that night to the usual screaming Orin, only this time Mercy was crying too, she'd had enough, we were going to have to rethink on this 'doing it all ourselves' thing, we needed help. I felt like our parents had been sitting on their hands, bags packed, just waiting for the call, having only seen Orin once they couldn't wait to get to ours, and to be honest I couldn't wait for them to get there.

After two weeks and five days we got our second full night's sleep since Orin had entered our world, we actually woke up scared the next morning for not hearing his noise "It's okay" I grabbed Mercy back to bed when I remembered "Mom's got him"

"God yeah" the relief in her voice made me smile, it was nice to just lay there cuddling each other, nothing needed to be said, the moment spoke for itself

Our parents stayed for two weeks, and then mine went home, while Mercy's stayed the extra week having set their own rota up for someone to be supporting us every other week, for the next three months, we were both good with that, and life went on.

"Babe" Mercy's smiling face greeted me as I walked into our home, Orin in her arms silent and alert "Orin has his appointment for his seven week hearing screening on Thursday will you be able to make it?"

"Of course," I kissed her cheek before kissing Orin's forehead "What time is it at?"

"Eleven"

"Good, my class is at two, I can do that" I dropped my briefcase, took my jacket off, sanitised my hands, and took Orin off her, before kissing her properly "How was your day?"

"Good I think he's used to me now; I think he smiled today"

"He did not" I looked at my son proud "Did you smile today?" I cooed at him stroking his chin, laughing at Orin's reaction to me "You go get yourself an hour" I looked up at my wife, knowing she was happy but tired

"I think I'll grab a bath" she wondered off to give me time with my boy

We sat down to have the usual talk, which always started with what it was to be a man, moving on to letting him know we didn't care what he chose to do in life, as long as he was passionate about it, or who he decided he wanted to be, we'd love him all the more. The best talks were about what he was going to do when he started school, preparing him for all the attention he was going to get for being such a cutie, football was on the cards of course, and inevitably music was that extra gene he'd acquired, so that stuff was going to be pumped in like a life source. There were lifelong lessons too, like how to handle his mom without offending me, we got it all in every day, I figured after repeating that for seventeen years he'd get it.

I remember the day vividly, we'd woken up later than usual having finally got our groove back on after the required weeks, mom was in the nursery with Orin we could hear him giggling at her talking baby to him. The sun was beaming through the half open blinds, it was amazing for May, I remember commenting on the fact that summer was already looking good. Mercy jumped up with a certain spring in her step, one I'd been very used to seeing before Orin's birth and for that I was happy "Breakfast?" she asked

"Sure" I smiled "But, I'll make it for a change"

"Okay" she turned to look at me surprised "I'm not arguing" minutes later I sat watching her eat the Cheerio's I'd prepared as if they were slices of smoked salmon on toasted bread. We spent some time with Orin, playing with him, bathing him, and then getting him dressed before we passed him back to Mom and went off to get dressed ourselves. By ten thirty we were all in the car, with everything Orin might need for the ten minute drive across to the surgery for his routine check, we went in smiling

Flashback from Mercy's POV

We sat listening to every word the man had for us, we felt reassured that there was no pain, Orin was safe, and we'd walk away with a clearer knowledge that our boy was fit to bursting with health. I couldn't do it, the urge to slap the GP if Orin moved in discomfort, was strong, so Orin sat on Sam's lap as he went through a series of tests, but I like Sam sat watching smiling at every reaction Orin made to the sights and sounds the GP approached him with

"Mr and Mrs Evans" the GP sat down at his desk and turned to look at his computer before looking back at us "It seems Orin's hearing isn't what we expect"

"What do you mean?" I grabbed Orin's little hand

"What's wrong with him?" Sam's raised voice made me jump

"We'd need to do more tests before we can actually let you know exactly what's going on, but his responses are not quite what we expect"

"What does that mean?" Sam hugged Orin closer to him, I wanted to snatch him off him and consume whatever was wrong with him into me, I wanted to scream let it be me. I felt our happy ever after come tumbling down around us, there was room for a child, maybe two if we were lucky, but I don't think I'd ever thought of anything being wrong with my child, was that a wrong thought, would it be wrong if he didn't hear, was I thinking way past were we were right now, I didn't know.

"What does that mean for Orin?" I stared into the mouth of the GP pre-empting the words as they came out his mouth

"Mr And…"

"It's Sam and Mercy" Sam snapped at the man, I could tell he wasn't in a good place, it always took him time to understand things, so he was probably agitated that something else was being said before he'd processed the previous conversation.

"Sam" I grabbed his attention "Will you wipe Orin's mouth please" I spotted dribble and milk coming out his mouth and thought that would be the best way to change Sam's focus, I watching him grab hold of Orin's bag before I focused on the GP again. I don't like to stereotype, but while Sam was focusing on Orin, he didn't have time to be finding faults in the man's words to send this important conversation into orbit. "So, what happens next?"

"We'll need to do more milestone checks"

"But I don't understand, no one in either of our families struggle with hearing, this is so out the blue"

"This isn't always generic" the GP assured me "This is a lot to take in" he got up and grabbed some pamphlets off his shelf "There's some reading to allow a bit more understanding about what's happening for Orin" he shoved about three pamphlets in my hand "But I'll send you an appointment for more investigation, we need to see exactly what's going on"

"Can't you do the damn tests now?" Sam snapped

"We're in shock" I informed the GP grabbing Sam's arm in a bid to ask him to think Orin, our son was laying in his arms feeling all the tension that was flowing through him right now, not to say I was any better, but our son wasn't physically feeling my vibe.

"I…" the GP turned to his computer "I can get you an appointment with the specialist for ten tomorrow morning" his head moved quickly hack to us

"Tomorrow" Sam snapped jumping up with Orin in his arms, and leaving the room, of course I apologised and followed him out

The drive home was quiet, we were both trying to understand what had just happened to our perfect life, it had been shattered, that was my first thought, everything from that moment needed to be wiped out, the GP was wrong there was nothing wrong with my son, and indeed nothing wrong with my family.

"We have to tell them" Sam looked at me as the car came to a standstill on the drive

"Not until we know the facts"

"We know the facts" he snapped "His hearing isn't what they expect"

"How could you say that?" I snapped at him

"What are you shouting at me for, you let him say it?"

"Sam" I lowered my voice, acknowledging we were both stressed about this, I took a second to think about my response and came back with "If we're going to tell them, let's call mom and dad tell them all together"

"How did this happen?" he turned to look at me, I was shocked to see he was crying

"Babe" I grabbed hold of his neck and pulled him to me, tears came to my eyes as I let him cry into my chest

"He'll be singled out, confused, scared, I don't want this for him"

"We'll work it out" I assured him, at this point I knew it wasn't up to us anymore, regardless of the shock, or Sam's denial, things weren't going to change we'd got a journey on our hands, and we'd need a united front if we were going to get through it. I opened the car door and started getting Orin out, Sam seemed to go into automatic, taking Orin's car seat out, his bag, stroller, he walked up to the house and dropped them on the floor, opened the door and walked in and went straight upstairs

"Everything alright?" Anne asked watching him rush across the hall

"It's fine mom" I assured her "Will you take Orin for a minute?" I handed him to her without giving her a choice and followed Sam up the stairs

"They said" he turned to look at me as I walked into our bedroom

"Don't" I stopped the words coming out of his mouth again

I Walked into our bedroom and grabbed hold of him, we stood in the middle of the room crying, it was going to take some time to get used to this, our lives were going to change, Orin had needs and we needed to provide for them. Sam's questions buzzed around in my head, we needed to take some time for ourselves to let everything sink in, we finally looked at each other knowing a conversation needed to be had, but finding the words was going to be difficult, eventually Sam broke the silence

"I have no words" he blurted out

"This needs more than words" I assured him "Right now we have to be there for Orin"

"Give me a minute" he pulled away from me to sort himself out, turned the radio on and stood at the window trying to sort stuff out "I think we should call your parents over"

"That's another four hours" I flopped on the bed

"I don't think this is something that can be discussed over the phone, sorry babe"

"I actually agree, we'll need them all" my voice full of defeat "I'm drained" I fell backwards onto the bed

"Here" he climbed on the bed and pulled me to him "I got you"

"And I've got you" I leaned up to kiss him before settling into the comfort of his arms "We need to figure out what we're going to say" they stood listening to 'We'll Be Okay' by Imaginary Future & Kina Grannis

If you ever wonder, if you're always in my head, I assure you it's true
You don't have to worry, even when you're gone, I still spend every day with you

You're amazing, and you have me, it doesn't matter whatever comes to be
Or even if we somehow lose our way, we'll be okay, we'll be okay….

"I guess they're right" he nodded at the radio

"We will be okay" I lay my head on his chest assuring him, unsure how I was going to deliver on it

Flashback from Sam's POV

We lay trying to find the words to tell our parents about their only grandchild, it was breaking our hearts, so only God knew what it would do to our parents. Lunch was eaten in almost silence, my parents sharing looks after the announcement that Simeon and Joyce were on their way for some announcement. Five hours later we were all sat in our living room, Orin finally asleep, ready to have the dreaded conversation

"So" I grabbed Mercy's hand "As you all know we took Orin for his hearing test today" I looked at Mercy again, because my voice trembled and I needed her support, she squeezed my hand "And it wasn't good news" I paused deciding to word this exactly how the GP had worded it "They said his hearing isn't what they expected, so, we'll need to take him for more tests"

"What did they expect, he's seven weeks old for god sake" dad snapped

"Okay" Joyce calmed the room down immediately "This isn't conclusive, when are these tests?"

"Tomorrow" Mercy told her

"Okay" mom touched dad's arm to calm him down "We'll see what these tests say before we start rearranging our lives"

"Poor might" Mercy's dad shook his head, the devastation on his face was upsetting, later when Orin woke up, everyone was extra attentive.

The next day following an intensive auditory brainstem response test to establish how well sound moved thought Orin's nerves to his brain it was confirmed he was losing his hearing

"What do you mean losing?" I asked at the only word that jumped out at me, these people were so matter of fact it was annoying

"It's not much but there's a slight difference in the readings the GP logged yesterday, which suggests that Orin's hearing is deteriorating, and if it carries on at the rate it is, we're talking about months rather than years before he loses total hearing"

"What caused this, was it something we did?" Mercy asked

"No" the specialist assured us "Sometimes without warning things like this just happen"

We spent a good few days walking around in a daze, all the emotion and upset for Orin playing out in our snappy conversations and short tempers, everyone unsure who to, or where to turn, yes we'd had all the literature there was to have, but that didn't help us to deal with the emotion of the situation. Three weeks in and our boy was being measured for his first hearing aid, a profound realisation of the situation, but there were smiles as Orin's face lit up again when he was able to hear our voices clearly again, making us feel like we'd done the right thing.

Everyone did their part, we all started to learn how to communicate effectively with Orin, even teaching him small skills, but he was still a baby and other than playing with toys and gargling there wasn't much else to teach him. By month six Orin's hearing loss was profound, so there were more tests, updated hearing aids, then as things moved rapidly there were talks of implants, which was followed by a tedious barrage of tests.

It was a week after his first birthday when we were informed that he'd been put forward for a cochlear implant assessment, which of course meant more tests, but we soldiered on in our son's best interest. Six months later an MRI scan confirmed that everything was fine for the operation to take place, there was nothing to think about, we signed for our son to hear again. Orin underwent the eight hour ordeal, while we went through two days of anxiety and crying, but we burst into an uncontrollable giggle when Orin woke up four hours after the operation smiling at us, as if he wanted to ask, 'what's the problem?'.

It was about five weeks later, when the scars healed, and we were sat waiting for the switch on, it felt almost as intense as they day we gave birth, and again it was worth the wait for his first reaction. He didn't seen distressed he just sat taking everything in, looking around the room as if he were hearing sounds we couldn't even hear. Over the following months we attended the hospital to get the volume turned up until his hearing was at ultimate.

Orin was the life and soul of every party, always the first one up to dance, encouraging his grandparents and us to join him, forever humming along to the beats Mercy or I were throwing for a new song, it was clear music was in his blood. One day we were in the kitchen preparing dinner when we heard the most beautiful sound

"Dadda" Orin's voice bellowed into the room

"Did you hear that?" I laughed "He called me dadda"

"He did" Mercy giggled as we dropped everything to encourage him to say it again, after that, slowly the words started coming out, tones were out sometimes but Orin was talking, by the time he started his first mainstream school, Orin was ready, more so than us.

We watched as our more than confident son marched across the classroom to take his seat "More than words" I choked out, hugging my wife

"Definitely" she agreed, we'd let him out into the world, after seven years

Orin's POV

So, I was deposited in this mainstream school at the age of seven, I can't say I wasn't excited, I loved meeting people, and getting some freedom, but if I'm honest about that time in my life I was more scared than anything. My Parents bragged constantly about me being above average for my age, and maybe I was when it came to music, and all things art, but everything else was fabricated, or I was just good at bluffing my way through, I was still using baby sign language, to recite pigeon alphabet; if I was given time, and I'd sign to fifty, but that was it. My speech although audible felt laboured and I could never sound like my peers because I was always conscious of what made me different

I was gobsmacked at how fast some of the other children read, signed, and understood it all, I felt slow, inadequate even. But, after six months of getting everything translated; by my tutor Emma, I was writing, not Shakespeare, but I was writing, and by the time I was 17 years old I was writing, singing, acting and even playing football, I'd surpassed some of the students in my class.

I left school with above average grades, mainly attributed to the fact that mom and dad had integrated me into the local deaf community too, so I was naturally fluent in sign, spoken, and written language by the time I got into my teen years. It was when they allowed me to go to University I fully broke out of my shell, and developed into the person I am today.

I'd be a fool to say I did all this alone, my parents have always been strong role models, my father never let me forget who I was, where I was destined to be, and how to treat my mom. Their expectations of me led me to expect things of myself. There wasn't a day that went by, when he was about, that my dad didn't ruffle my hair, kiss my forehead, and tell me how proud he was of me, and that made me feel good.

They had busy lives, so my grandparents stepped in a lot, but there was never any disruption to my life, I laugh remembering the amount of times parents evenings were conducted via skype, with one or the other of them being away, but they were there, interested, present, and proud.

My mom was the home maker, it felt like every decision that was ever made about our family life was made by her, she'd always have the last word, dad taught me that. Mom was also the one that sat me down and brought my memories back, there was always a box of memories new to the ones she'd showed me before, filled with family memorabilia a story behind every piece, I guess it was better than sitting on our phones for the evening.

Everything had brought me to this point, I looked over at my parents and grandparents, clapping so loud they couldn't be ignored "Stop" I mouthed, pretending to be embarrassed

"You got this Orin" dad shouted, while mom's scream entered a note I'd have to find a piano to work out

"Okay" I stood in front of the microphone looking out at my first live audience "This is for my family, who no doubt made this happen" I strummed my guitar to get my note

If they're going to take you from me, they'd better bring a whole army, you know I'll fight back the sea, know there's no wave that can stop me,

when the sky turns black, I'll be the light you need, I'll go to hell and back, I'll be your remedy
Ain't got to have no doubt, I'll do it endlessly, with every breath I breathe

In this moment I knew how my parents had felt all my life, I was so proud of them, they'd given me everything I needed to achieve my full potential, teaching me with words and actions that nothing was impossible, if you really wanted it.

You know that I'll be, you know that I'll be here, here for you,, you know that I'll be, you know that I'll be here, here for you,
You know that I'll be, you know that I'll be here
I'll, I'll be here for you, I'll (You know that I'll be), I'll be here for you (You know that I'll be)
I'll always be near to you, you know that I'll be, you know that I'll be here 'Here' by Tom Grennan

Mom and dad were right, sometimes things happen, and you need to take a moment this was my moment and all I could hear was their words because it was true, this was an unexplainable overwhelming feeling

"You were great" mom ran towards me when I finally got off stage, kissing my cheek as she hugged me

"How did it feel?" dad ruffled my hair and hugged me, even at twenty five I wasn't looking forward to when he stopped doing that

"More than words" I smiled, we had a moment before the grandparents bombarded