Lily set a cup of tea in front of a brown haired, sad eyed Tonks. When Tonks had first turned up at headquarters unable to easily change her appearance or keep the change if she did, everyone had been worried. Eventually, it was explained that shock, grief, and general depression could slow a metamorphmarges abilities.

Most of the Order assumed it was because of Sirius' death, but Lily didn't think so. For one thing, Tonks' hair had been black at Sirius' funeral (there had been no body, but James insisted on having one anyway), not mousy brown. For another, it had started after a mission with Remus not long after Sirius' death. Neither Tonks nor Remus had said anything about anything strange happening on that mission, and Tonks had never offered any explanation as to why she could no longer change form.

Until, that is, she turned up on Lily's doorstep in the middle of a rainy afternoon when James was at work and Harry at the Weasleys, asking to talk.

"Thanks Lily," she said, as she took the tea and sipped it.

"Any time," Lily said, sitting across from her and taking a drink from her own tea cup.

There was a moment of silence; Lily didn't want to push Tonks to talk to her. Tonks seemed to be chewing over her words, debating what to say and what not to say.

"I had to come to you," she said, finally. "You and James know him better than anyone, and I didn't want to talk to James."

"Know who?" Lily asked, although she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

There was another long pause. "Remus," Tonks whispered.

Lily nodded, not in the least surprised. "What happened that mission?" she asked, gently.

"It was at night," Tonks began, voice shaking a little. "It was dark, hard to see. There was an explosion. We didn't know where the other was. I think, for a minute there, we both thought the other was dead. And when we found each other," a faint blush rose over Tonks face, "We kissed," she mumbled.

Then her head snapped up to look Lily in the eyes. "The Death Eater's were gone," she said, louder, as if feeling the need to defend herself. "The explosion was to distract us, so they could escape. I suppose, we could have been trying to find them, but they probably disapperated, and..."

"Tonks," Lily interrupted, "I understand." And she did. The auror office would never have approved of such fraternization (Alice and Frank hadn't been on a ministry mission together once since they started dating), but the Order had never had enough members to be so picky. "What happened next?"

"He said," Tonks looked wildly around the room, "he said... Oh, Lily, you should have seen the look on his face when he realized what happened, his eyes..." Tonks swallowed and took a gulp of tea. "He said," she continued, more calmly, "that we could never be together in that way. That there was no future between us."

Curse you, Remus, Lily thought, heart aching. Did he even know how much he loved her? Remus had always been the king of denial. "Things will work out," she said, aware of how empty the words sounded. "I mean, it took me forever to realize how much I cared about James."

But Tonks was already shaking her head. "It isn't that," she protested. "If it were that he didn't care about me that way, I would understand. There would be some hope. No, it's not that at all." Tonks leapt to her feet and stood there, her voice rising with her emotion. "It's for some stupid, noble... no, it's not noble at all. He only thinks it is. He doesn't want to be with me because he's a werewolf! As if I care!" Tonks collapsed back into her chair, suddenly looking very tired.

Lily sat there, not knowing what to say to make this better. Two of the people she cared about were in pain, were falling apart, and she didn't know how to help them. Short of shaking sense into Remus, but she knew that wouldn't work either.

"I've talked to him since," Tonks continued in a low voice, "I've told him I don't care. He says he is too old and poor and dangerous. He says I deserve more. Better." She let out a harsh laugh devoid of humor.

"Remus has always been like that," Lily said, quietly, "Self-disgust, self-loathing. I think the Marauders becoming animaguses helped for a while. But it never really stopped, and then they left Hogwarts and most people are..."

"Gits," Tonks spat.

Lily smiled sadly. "Ignorant, prejudice, and sometimes gits, yes. He probably thinks that if he stays away from you, you will eventually move..."

"My patronus has changed," Tonks whispered.

Lily stuttered to a halt. "What?" she breathed.

Tonks raised her large, dark eyes to Lily's. "My patronus has changed form," she said, clearly. "It's a wolf now."

Lily felt as if all the air had left her lungs. It was not uncommon for married couple's patronus' to have something to do with each other, but then again, it wasn't uncommon for them to have nothing to do with each other. There was only one other couple that Lily had ever heard of who's patronus' mirrored so closely and that was her own and James. And a patronus changing was extremely rare.

"That's Remus' patronus," Lily murmured, finally. "His is a wolf too. He casts a non-corporeal one on purpose, because he doesn't like the reminder..." she stopped.

"I know," sighed Tonks. The two women sat in silence for a few minutes, occasionally taking sips of now cold tea. "I didn't want to tell James," Tonks eventually broke the silence. "Their such close friends, I didn't want..."

"James would never agree with him in this," Lily felt compelled to interrupt. "He would hate to see him throw away a chance for you both to be happy just because of his 'furry little problem.'"

Tonks nodded. "Well, I don't want anyone to get involved. But I had to tell someone. You won't talk to Remus, will you?"

"I think Remus needs someone to talk to him," said Lily with some heat.

"Please?"

Lily melted under Tonks' masterful puppy dog eyes. "Alright," she said, reluctantly. "I won't interfere."

"Thank you," said Tonks in obvious relief.

James walked in just then. "Hi Tonks," he said, cheerfully.

"Wotcher James," Tonks replied without smiling. She stood up. "I should go. Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Lily."

Lily stood as well. "Anytime, Tonks, anytime. Although, I'm not sure I helped much."

Tonks flashed her a tiny smile. "Trust me, you did."

"Don't leave on my account," said James. "You can stay for dinner."

"Of course," Lily agreed, quickly.

She saw Tonks glance between them and wondered with a pang how their happy marriage must look to her. "No, thank you," Tonks said. "I really must be going. I'll see you both soon." And then she was gone.

James turned to Lily. "Have I missed something?"

Lily shook her head, looking after Tonks. "No," she said, "nothing."

James looked at her carefully, then nodded. "Ok. Well, if either of you ever need any help with the nothing, just let me know."