Note: Just to tweak things a little, Gloria hadn't seen Lourdes in two and a half years before being rescued off the streets. It wasn't a decade.
Thank you for beta'ing, MsSchneeheide!
"Just a dollar, por favor! Please, I need dinero!" Blanca keeps calling out as she rattles her few coins around in a plastic cup. Even though Maritza is able to afford their food and drinks, she wants some money on the side in case something happens, like one of them gets sick and needs an expensive medication or if Maritza gets mugged. "Can you spare twenty-five cents?" she asks while a group of teenagers walks by her, laughing and talking, completely ignoring her. "A quarter! Come on! Your mothers give you allowance!" she yells after them. "It's not even fuckin' yours..."
"Shut up, lady! I'm trying to sleep here!" a homeless guy with a thick beard growls. He's a little ways away, surrounded by broken beer bottles, cigarette butts, and packs of heroin.
"Eeeewww!" Raiza wrinkles her nose. "Mama, he farted and it's stinky!"
"Cállate, it's the middle of the day! Smelly drug addict pendejo cabrón!" Blanca snaps.
"Go to hell, crazy bitch."
"I'd love to, actually, it's nice and warm down there. Mi novio es El Diablo." She snickers at her own joke.
"Ay dios mío, Mami, that's enough begging for one day," Maritza scolds her lightly. "Y no fighting, he could be dangerous," she whispers. "Let's just talk quietly for now, okay? Until we're hungry again?"
Blanca rubs her hands together and presses them between her legs. "Sure."
"I miss my Barbie dollhouse!" Raiza states, pouting. Some of their new presents like clothes and shoes are still with them because they need those, but Raiza's dollhouse is at Aleida's since she has tiny daughters and it would make sense that it's there instead of Diablo's or Karla's place, if Dean decides to search for any evidence of the Floreses being there. He would know something was funky as soon as he spotted Raiza's toy in a home with no little girls living there.
"I know, lo siento..." They both take turns rubbing Raiza's back and gently ease a blanket under her legs and wrap her in it like a burrito since the ground is so cold. It's not unbearable, though, which is strange for New York's snowy days. "What was tu vida like before you met Dean?" Maritza wonders aloud.
your life
"Oh, darling, it was wonderful." Blanca's silent for a minute and she strokes Maritza's hair while holding Raiza securely on her lap. "I love you two so much. I'll tell you anything you want to know. I was blessed with two beautiful miracles, and I couldn't be prouder of you girls."
"Gracias, Mami," they murmur in unison.
"De nada, angelitas."
"I want to talk about how you got into this relationship. Quiero saber sobre your life when you were my age."
I want to know about
"I met him when I was thirteen," Blanca begins.
Maritza wrinkles her nose and makes a face. "Three years younger than me, then."
Blanca places Raiza between her legs and rocks her. "Maritza, keep your comments to yourself until the end of my story, por favor."
"Lo siento. Go on."
"Where's Abuela y Abuelo?" Raiza wants to know, barely awake on Blanca's thigh. "Can we see them?"
Maritza raises her eyebrow at her mother. "Well?"
Blanca shakes her head. "We have no family members en los Estados Unidos besides each other. I was an only child. Having my babies here with me is better than nothing. Mi abuela, mi tía Mirna, y mi primo Antonio live in Santo Domingo, pero...they're too busy with their own lives to worry about us."
in the United States
"Mama, when did me and Maritza get borned?" Raiza asks in her childlike voice.
"Maritza nació en mil novecientos noventa y dos, mientras que tú naciste en dos mil dos...cuatro, hace casi cinco años. I found Maritza on our doorstep and we decided to take her in. You came from my belly."
Maritza was born in nineteen-ninety-two, while you were born in two-thousand two...four, almost five years ago.
"Okay...your parents, what were they like?" Maritza wonders aloud.
"Mi mamá y yo were best friends. I barely remember mi padre. My stepdad and I, well, we were all right, but I wasn't as close with him as I was with mi mamá. I remember the very first time I told her I was seeing a guy, and Dean didn't even know that she knew about him."
"Mami, ¿cómo se veía Abuela?" Maritza asks.
what did Grandma look like?
"She looked like an older version of me. Picture her hair being a grayish-black, her eyes being brown, and she wore glasses. She was small, so if she were still here, she'd be shorter than me, probably your height. She had the funniest giggle, and she and your step-abuelo really loved each other. He could be a stubborn man at times, but he thought I was the best stepdaughter in the entire world. I had both of them wrapped around my little finger. You and Raiza would have really liked them. They talked of spoiling their grandchildren." Blanca feels a lump in her throat and swallows it. "Bueno, mi mamá habló más sobre eso. My stepdad didn't want to hear it until I was out of college. You should have heard their reactions when Dean tried to...touch my no-no areas."
Well, my mom talked about it the most.
"I want you to be completely honest with me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Were you planning on having sex with Dean?"
Blanca lowers her eyes to her lap and blushes. "Mm-hm..."
"Hey, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Teenage girls have needs. I was one once."
"You wouldn't care ¿si tuviéramos sexo?"
if we had sex?
"Well, of course I would mind, but there would be nada I could do about it if you went behind my back."
"Mamá, no quiero tener sexo. I'm not ready. It's just...Dean...makes me feel...like having sex. I would make sure he used a condom...and I'd go on the pill...but I'm just not prepared right now. Si no estoy preparada, why did I get wet?"
I don't wanna have sex. If I'm not prepared
Trina lets Blanca lean against her shoulder as she pulls her baby girl closer to her side. "Boys can touch girls in a way that makes them not in control of their own body. Tu mente dice que no, pero tu cuerpo dice que sí. It's the same if it was reversed. If a guy is not in the mood for sex, a girl can change his mind by giving him a simple handjob, or blow job. Kissing doesn't do it, just touching down there does. The nipples get perky and hard, and you can still get wet when he massages them. If a guy grabs your boobs, that's aggressive. Pero me gusta más la palabra masaje, suena más erótica."
Your mind is saying no, but your body is saying yes. But I like the word massage better, it sounds more erotic.
"¡Mamá!" Blanca exclaims with a giggle.
"What? I'm just saying..."
"This is too awkward. My mother, who is nearing forty, just said the word 'erotic'."
"What else do you want me to describe it as? Honey, I know fifty-five-year-old women who still use that word."
"Like who?"
"Como tu abuela Graciela."
"¡Ay dios, Mami!"
"This is supposed to be a serious discussion, Blanca!"
"You're making it really hard ¡cuándo usas palabras como 'erótica'!" Blanca hides her face against her mother's shirt.
when you use words like erotic!
"Lo siento," Trina says through bursts of laughter.
"I can't talk to you nunca más!"
"Oh, you're being so dramatic! ¡Cállate tu boca!"
"No, I'm not!" Blanca mumbles and rolls her eyes. "Stop that!" Trina is still giggling like a giddy schoolgirl.
"Yes, you are. Amo esa palabra..."
I love that word...
"I have the most embarrassing mother in the world. Plain and simple. Hey, could we speak English? I'm trying to improve for when I'm with Dean..."
"I'm sure others are worse. Imagine if I said it in public? Oh, the horror! My mom's more humiliating. When I was like twelve, I had a crush on this surfer dude, and I'll never forget what she said to him. She was like, 'my Trina's got the best body of any girl, and if you don't choose her, you're missing out on a real lifetime of fun! Oh, and you've got a damn good set of muscles, too, chico, and if you two get together, you'll be rocking that bed harder than my husband and I just did a few minutes ago'. Needless to say, we were a nonexistent couple. I didn't talk to her for weeks."
"If you do that, I'll pretend I don't know you."
"Just admit it. You have the coolest mom in the world, and there's nobody who could replace me."
"Eh, you're not that bad," Blanca teases Trina.
"Do I look almost forty to you?"
"No, you look about twenty-five," Blanca answers honestly.
"That was rhetorical, pero gracias, querida."
"You're welcome."
"Te amo."
"I love you too, Mom."
Trina hugs Blanca and rubs her back soothingly.
"So, do you understand now?"
"Yeah. I can't let Dean touch me in my erogenous zones because it makes me say sí when I don't mean it."
"Exactly."
"I don't want to give him the wrong idea. What if I say no and he thinks I don't love him?"
"Sex isn't about love. It's about lust. A relationship without amor is nothing, and a relationship sin lujuria is boring. However, you can wait for sex, but you can't wait for love. Love always comes first. If he loves you, he will wait and respect you. Making love for the first time is special, or at least it's supposed to be. Both partners need to consent, otherwise it's rape," Trina explains. "Tell him that."
without lust
"Oh okay, I will! Thanks, Mom, you're the best!"
"You are very welcome." Trina kisses her daughter on the head and they watch television until Chad comes home.
"Aw, Mami, she sounds so much like you! I could just see you doing that when we get our first novios...o novias."
"There was a skirt she got me for my thirteenth birthday...it was really special...but Dean stained it with spaghetti sauce when he was in one of his moods...he banged the table and it made my pasta fall en mi regazo. That time, a random dude at school said hey to me."
into my lap
"Well, he just sounds fantastic, Mom," Maritza says sarcastically. "Can you tell me another cute mother-daughter story?"
"Blanca," Trina starts after the car accident, which has gotten her daughter in a wheelchair. They are now home after being at the hospital overnight.
"¿Sí, Mami?"
"Chad quiere hablar contigo."
Chad wants to talk to you.
He kisses Trina on the lips. "Hello, dear. Blanca, how are you feeling?"
"I'm alright," Blanca says as her stepfather pecks her head.
He shakes his head at Blanca's condition. "You weren't aware of this when I told Dean, but you're not seeing that boy ever again!"
"Chad!" Blanca shrieks.
"You're not allowed to be in a car with him, either," he scolds her.
"Won't he get his license taken away?" Trina wonders aloud.
"He will."
"Chad, come on," Blanca begs with tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She pouts and widens her eyes innocently.
"Nope, it won't work this time. I can't have my stepdaughter in danger again."
"Ugh! I'm fine! You're pissing me off! Isn't that stupid, to irritate your temporarily disabled stepdaughter within five minutes of walking in the house?"
"Watch your mouth, young lady!"
"Chad, don't you think you're overreacting just a little?" Trina asks.
"Yeah, listen to your wife!"
"We'll talk about this. Blanca, go to bed. I'm doing this because I love you."
"No, you don't! If you loved me, you'd let me be with my man!" Blanca protests. "Now, I feel like Juliet! Thanks a lot, Chad!"
"I won't discuss it any further. Trina, please, help me out here."
"I'll help you carry her to bed. However, I have different thoughts than you on the matter."
"Why did she support you two? I thought she didn't like him," Maritza comments.
"She didn't, but she wanted me to have a chance at first love. She wanted me to learn from my own mistakes. That's not how I raise you girls...I felt like she should've been more hands-on."
"Yeah, like you are with us," Maritza states.
"Sorry, Dean, my parents are here, I have to go. I love you so much...good night." Blanca hides her phone behind her back.
"I told you to go to bed. You're in bed, but that also meant go to sleep. You have school tomorrow very early in the morning and it's almost midnight." Chad snatches the phone from Blanca's hands.
"Chad, give me her phone, please, and let Blanca be until you calm down."
He drops the phone in Trina's hands and leaves the room.
"Chad hates me, doesn't he?" Blanca asks with a sniffle.
"Oh no, sweetie pie. He couldn't hate you. Él es sólo muy sobreprotector."
He is just very overprotective.
"He's an idiot!"
"Now, don't say that about your stepfather," Trina says sternly. "He loves you very much."
"Doesn't seem like it, the way he took my phone away from me like I'm a child. Dios mío, I'm fourteen years old!"
"You're still growing up. You're not even in college yet."
"Being a teenager is so hard," Blanca chokes between sobs. "Your parents want you to be an adult, yet they treat you like a fucking baby!"
"I know. I totally understand. When I was your age, tu abuelo no me dejaba conducir because of all the drunk drivers on the road. I was so annoyed with him that tomé su auto y conduje hasta San Cristóbal. I had to come back to Santo Domingo when they called me. I was so grounded."
your grandfather didn't let me drive...I took his car and drove all the way to San Cristóbal.
"They thought you were dead, right?"
"Sí, porque I never talked to them that day. I basically ran away from home."
"Wow..."
Trina gets a few tissues from Blanca's nightstand and wipes away her tears. "I'm not overly fond of Dean for getting you into an accident, but just go slow in this relationship. Don't rush things, and don't let him pressure you into sex either, okay?"
"I won't." Blanca blows her nose a few times.
"Promise me?"
"Sí, Mami, lo prometo."
Yes, Mom, I promise.
"Good girl." Trina pecks Blanca's forehead.
"Am I still your princesita?"
"Sí. Are you ready to sleep now?"
"Yes, good night, Mom."
"Buenas noches, mi niña." Trina and Blanca kiss each other's cheeks. Trina plugs Blanca's phone into the wall and after closing the door, Blanca is sound asleep.
"They caught us having sex," Blanca whispers with a grimace while covering Raiza's ears.
"¡Ay dios mío! Are you serious?"
"I'm dead serious. It was one of the scariest moments in my life, well, en mi vida without Dean being terrible, anyway."
Chad pulls up into their driveway and he and Trina leave their car. They walk to the front porch and Trina opens the door with the house keys. Someone is moaning, but it sounds muffled. They give each other a knowing look and follow the noise upstairs.
There is a rustling sound and by the time Chad opens his stepdaughter's bedroom door, they see a guilty Blanca and a smug Dean. He has his shirt off and his pants are unbuckled. She hides most of her body with the sheets.
"Hey guys, how was back to school night?"
"More like when good girls go bad!" Trina glares at Blanca.
"You're in huge trouble, young lady!" Chad hisses.
"What are you guys doing here? I thought you would be home by ten!"
Chad clenches his jaw. "We're early."
"My question is, what are you doing here, Dean?" Trina asks in a tight voice. "How did you get here?"
"My dad drove me."
"Well, call him to take you back home. Dean, you are banned from seeing Blanca now. I mean it this time. My wife agrees with me."
"He just wanted to surprise me...lo siento..."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, Blanca. Dean, find your clothes and leave." Chad grits his teeth.
"I'll take care of it..." Trina rubs her husband's back soothingly.
Chad leaves the room and downstairs, the door slams loudly.
"When did you start having sex?" Trina asks Blanca.
"Valentines' Day was our first time," she answers truthfully.
"Well, you're grounded."
"What? I was honest with you!"
"You betrayed my trust. You promised me you wouldn't move too fast, but you are spending way too much time with Dean. You're flunking all your classes except for Health."
"Oye, Mami, did you straighten your hair? It looks great! Nice and long!" Blanca chuckles nervously.
"Don't try to distract me." Trina sets her mouth in a straight line. She gives Blanca her bra and shirt. She helps her get her sweatpants back on. "I have never been so disappointed in you."
"Mamá, why you trippin'?"
"First of all, I do not like to be talked to like some gangbanger thug dude. Second of all, you need to stop acting like a hoodlum and get tutoring."
Blanca rolls her eyes. "Mom..."
"Now, tell me, why is it that I see you doing your homework, yet you are not doing good in school? What has gotten into you?"
"I'm helping Dean with his, and I don't have time for my own."
Trina shakes her head. "You won't be doing that anymore. He needs to do his homework without any help, he's a big boy. Your work always comes first."
"I miss a lot of classes."
"I know you do. Tell him that if he helps you cut class, you won't graduate. Do you want to be in school forever?"
"God, no!"
"That will happen if you don't raise your grades."
Trina's respect for this boy is getting lower every time Blanca speaks of him.
"I didn't want to have sex tonight, okay?" Blanca mumbles. She takes a sharp breath and a tear rolls down her cheek.
"Then why did you?"
"Quería hacer feliz a Dean. He deserves to be happy. He's like my drug...I can't seem to stay away from that guy."
I wanted to make Dean happy.
"What do you like about him?"
"He's handsome, a total sex machine, polite, and he makes me really giggly, ¿ya sabes?"
"You know, that's how I described my first crush back then. I wanted to have sex with him, too. Strangely, un año after mi mamá embarrassed me in front of him, he held my hand. It didn't turn into anything."
a year
"Dean is not my crush, though, he's mi novio."
"When I was exactly your age, I'd been crushing on that surfer guy for tres años. Three very long years. It was pathetic, but I couldn't help myself. He was tall, dark, handsome, and rugged. The problem was, all the ladies loved him. His girlfriend was almost always a friend of mine. I felt really bad for liking him, since mis amigas were both heartbroken by him. Antonio was his name. I joined the cheerleading squad so he could see me looking all hot while he played basketball. Well, he did hold my hand once, and I...reacted, of course. I was falling hard and fast. Then, suddenly, he got a new girlfriend. I wanted to make him jealous with your stepfather. I was already friends with Chad, since he was a foreign exchange student from America and living con mi familia, and I started flirting with him."
"This is all very interesting," Blanca comments. "Was Antonio jealous?"
"Not one bit. I was so stupid back then. He had an underage girl in his lap when he was eighteen. That girl was only twelve, and he barely knew her."
"Then you figured out his game."
"Correctamundo. I cried over him in a bathroom stall and when I told your stepdad later, he said he wished he was there to comfort me."
Blanca smiles. "That's so sweet."
"The last time I saw him was when he was homeless and walking around Santo Domingo, begging for money."
"Ha! Serves him right!"
"I should have stayed away when I found out he was using weed. Everyone warned me!"
"It's okay, Mamá."
"You know why I told you that story?"
"No, ¿por qué?"
"I wanted you to know that sometimes, your first crush or boyfriend isn't always the one. While I was pining over that druggie, I was missing the real man in front of my eyes." Trina holds out her hand. "Walkman, por favor."
Blanca's face falls at the sudden change in topic. "For how long?"
"You're going to start your homework now without any distracting technology."
Blanca grudgingly hands it over to her mom. "Fine."
"She took away your music? I'm guessing that didn't last very long," Maritza says dryly. Raiza drifts off to sleep on Blanca's lap.
"It didn't. I think she felt bad for me because I was down in the dumps one day, on Friday the thirteenth, as luck would have it. She made me feel better by sitting down with me and we watched chick flicks together. One day, I wouldn't even get out of bed. I think Dean was draining me from the inside out, and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't eat. All I wanted to do was sleep. Sex turned to violación, and I even cut myself sometimes."
Maritza looks at Blanca sadly. "How long did this go on?"
"Dean acted more loving with me when he found out me estaba cortando y no estaba comiendo. I stopped for a while, and I only eat and stay away from sharp objects because of you girls. I don't want you to see me in pain."
I was cutting myself and not eating
Blanca wipes away the tears that begin to fall down her cheeks. She watches Maritza's facial expression go from serious to deathly. "He got you against your mom? You lost touch with your best friend because of him, too, didn't you?"
"Just give me a hug, sweetheart." Blanca's voice is thick with emotion as she wraps her arms around her teenage daughter tightly.
Maritza rests her chin on Blanca's shoulder and tears leak out of her eyes. "Mami, I'm so sorry life had to be this way."
"Yo también lo siento..."
I'm sorry, too.
The next morning, they wake up to a knock on the door. Blanca goes to get it, but Dean gets there first. He opens the door and a policeman stands in front of them.
"Are you Blanca Flores?"
She swallows and twirls a piece of black hair around her finger. "Yes, sir."
"I'm very sorry to tell you this...but your parents are dead. It looks like they were beaten, but we couldn't find the weapon...and there was evidence of strangulation."
Blanca steps back. She can't feel herself moving, but she knows she is.
"Miss?"
She covers her mouth and lets out a sob. "Mi Mami y Chad...¿ellos estan muertos?"
they're dead?
"We'll do our best to find the killer."
Dean puts his arm around Blanca. "Thank you for letting us know. We'll have a funeral for them straightaway." He shakes the cop's hand and waits until he leaves the apartment.
Blanca looks at the floor in shock. She can't hear Dean talking to her. All she sees is her mom trying on makeup with her when she was eleven and reading her bedtime stories when she was a little girl at the tender age of five and Chad being overprotective but meaning well. It's just a montage of her mom and Chad flashing inside her head, one after the other. All the memories blending together in her head are making her dizzy.
"I'm sorry..." Dean hugs her. "We will have a funeral for them, I promise."
The case was never solved until years later, when Dean confessed. It had been just before Blanca and her girls left him for good.
"I'm so sorry. They just wanted to take you away from me, and I couldn't let them." Dean laughs cruelly. "I had to do something!"
"Why?" Blanca sobs. "You goddamn bastard!" She wrenches herself from his grasp, picks up one of his empty beer cans, and throws it at him, but he dodges it. "I hate you so much!"
"Hey, hey, shhh...I know you're upset. I would be too, but it was really for the best. I wanted you all to myself, and now I have my wish granted. I did it because I love you so fucking much!"
"No, you don't!" she wails. "I'll never forgive you for this. I'm leaving you, and I'm telling that cop who killed my parents."
"Blanca, no, you won't. He's retired now anyway!"
She runs to his door and tries to escape, but he blocks the door with his arms.
"Yes, I will. At work, I'll tell someone-"
"No, you won't!" Dean repeats himself. "You won't tell a soul, because I know how you are. You'll do as I say, as you've been doing since we first went out."
"Why did you do it?" Blanca asks again, shrinking into herself under his menacing stare.
"I already told you, but I'll tell you in other words. I want you. I want you forever, and I am a very religious man, so since I got you pregnant, we had to get married..."
"So, he just murdered your parents? You were exactly my age and had to live with that lousy excuse of a man all by yourself until now?" Maritza asks.
"Yes, that's right. I don't know why I didn't just talk to my parents! I really should have," Blanca reprimands herself.
"Why didn't you?"
"I thought they were being mean by saying he was no good. I wanted them to stop talking to me if they weren't going to support my love life, and they did. I just shut down when they were...killed. When I finally realized they were right, I was too scared to say anything."
"Lo siento mucho, Mami...you don't have to talk about it no más, si no quieres. How were we as children?"
no more, if you don't want
"You niñas were charming and oh, so beautiful. Te adopté long before our wedding. You were conceived when I was fifteen, y tenía quince años y medio cuando te abracé por primera vez."
I adopted you...I was fifteen and a half when I first held you in my arms.
"Oh yeah, you've told me about my first days...but what about Raiza's?"
Blanca holds her baby girl in her arms. She has Blanca and her grandmother's curly hair and light brown skin and her grandfather's brown eyes. She yawns and starts crying.
"You're not used to this bright light, are you? Such a sweet baby," Blanca coos with tears in her eyes.
"What, we got a girl again?" Dean asks with repulsion in his tone. "I wanted a boy, but whatever. It would be fun to have a girl in the house who's actually related to us. For me, anyway...we'll call her Tami-Lynn, it's a trashy name. Then, all the boys would go after her."
"I think Raiza is a better name for her," Blanca murmurs silently. "It sounds so pure, it means rose, it's my middle name, and I love flowers." The newborn curls into Blanca's lap and quiets down.
"Yeah, yeah, just get her in the car, come on." Dean takes Raiza out of Blanca's arms, and the baby starts wailing again. Blanca sighs impatiently.
"Dean, I just got her to settle down."
He holds the baby high above him and is about to jostle her, but Blanca grabs her from him. "You'll give her shaken baby syndrome and kill her! There are other ways of calming her down."
"Is everything okay?" a doctor asks them in passing.
"We're fine," Dean slurs and puts his arm around Blanca's waist. He leads her to the car and opens the passenger door for her. He keeps watching for people, and he starts the car. Raiza falls asleep in Blanca's lap. "Sorry, Blanca. I'd never want to kill our-" he sneers, "-child. I just get irritated sometimes."
"Dean almost did what to Raiza?" Maritza asks. "Gracias a Dios you saved her!"
"Por supuesto que la hubiera salvado, y él también te hizo eso, así que también te rescaté de sus garras. Te amo, Maritza."
Of course I would save her, and he did that to you, as well, so I rescued you from his clutches, too.
"Gracias, Mami. I love you, too!"
"I never trusted him to change you girls' diapers, not that he wanted to, anyway. I always watched him to make sure he wouldn't sexually assault or murder you angels."
"Don't tell me if he tried to," Maritza says.
"He didn't."
"Sé que se quedaría sobre todas nosotras cuando pensaba que estábamos durmiendo...pero that was it. Anyway, Mami, I thought of another thing I could do on the side."
I know he'd just stand over us all when he thought we were sleeping...
"¿Qué, bebé?"
What, baby?
"I'mma buy myself a cheap guitar and sing whenever we're out here and there are people around...like a street musician."
Blanca smiles gently and pecks Maritza's temple. "Lo siento my voice ain't real good, but I'm glad you're gonna do that!"
"It's okay, Mami. ¡Estoy feliz de ayudar!"
I'm happy to help!
Thank you for reading and reviewing, Juliette45 and MsSchneeheide!