The first few days without Hinata were frustrating. At first, Gaara hadn't noticed what was wrong with his day. The effect was minimal. Temari filled in for the meals like Hinata asked, but she didn't have the presence Hinata did. What was making it unbearable was the sleepless nights and endless days filled with Shukaku's angry growling.
Shukaku was furious but wasn't telling him why. Shukaku loved torturing him with every little detail of what irked him, but his verbal silence and constant growling were almost more painful. They were far more distracting.
By mid-week, he couldn't remember the last time he was so exhausted. He begged the beast in his head for explanations for his new torture but got no reply, just louder, more persistent growling. Once Gaara had enough, he gave Temari control of the city and went to the dead of the desert, where he could safely fight with his 'inner demons.'
Gaara screamed until his throat was sore, but he still had no reply. He angrily slashed in the air until he was tired and lay in the desert, staring at the sky.
Gaara focused on something else for a while, Hinata. He missed her. He missed her presence as her scent slowly wore off the furniture with use. He missed her calm voice. He missed her effects on his day. Without her, he started falling back into his habits and noticeably snapped more.
What would he do if she suddenly decided to stay in Konoha? An angry, possessive growl ripped through his mind with a wave of panic from Shukaku, making him physically tremble.
Gaara sat up abruptly in realization. Shukaku rejected the idea of her being away longer. Had the beast missed her as he did? It was nearly laughable.
Gaara wasn't sure letting her leave was a good idea, but he wasn't sure he would be allowed to again. Would he be able to stand the next couple of days of anger boiling and keep his temper in check? He would have to take protective measures as he whittled away into his mind.
Hinata didn't expect the welcome she got. Temari dragged her in, explaining that Gaara left for a few hours one day and, when he came back, locked himself in his office and refused to come out. He accepted food the first day but not after. From what they could tell, he wasn't sleeping, and periodic yelling came from behind the closed door.
A horrible grip of worry clenched her heart as Temari explained this was something he would do years ago, but it stopped when he gained control. It would still happen occasionally, but never for more than a night, never this long.
Temari stopped at the door and left her to explain she would be down the hall, but it was best if he didn't see her.
When Hinata knocked on his office door, she jumped when she got an angry growl as a reply. "Leave!"
Hinata knocked again, hoping he wouldn't be upset with her for trying. "Gaara? What's going on? Are you going to be okay?" Hinata whispered to him through the door. "Have I done some…" The door flew open, and Hinata was pulled in by a wall of sand as the door slammed behind her.
Gaara's eyes were wild, his hair and clothes ruffled and abused, and his breathing ragged. He was in a full defensive panic.
"What happened?" Hinata reached for him. Gaara staggered back like she was brandishing a weapon out at him. She retracted her hand, holding it to her chest.
"What did you do to me!?" Was Gaara scared of her? His voice was low and defensive, like a cornered animal, not the gentle and demanding strength she was used to. It didn't even sound like his voice. Hinata showed her palms to show she meant no harm and slowly backed up, trying to give him space.
Gaara's panicked eyes flicked at the door. Hinata waved her hands, turning to put herself in the corner instead. "Not leaving." She promised.
The room went silent, saving his heavy breathing. The air and sand in the room swirled as he bent forward, holding his head. What did she do? She wanted to help, but what help was she if he was scared of her?
"Gaara, I just got here. I don't know what is going on. Please let me help." Hinata begged, hazarding a step forward.
"He's been growling and screaming." Gaara held his head tighter. "He doesn't stop. He's trying to kill me with his damned emotions."
"I understand, but if I caused it, I'm sorry." Hinata shrank lower, so she could see his face. "I'm sorry. Please, let me help." She offered her hands palms up to him.
Gaara winced, dropping to his knees like he was defeated, gripping painfully tighter to his head. Hinata cautiously came closer. She was afraid he might hurt himself at this rate.
Hinata's fingertips touched his hands, pulling them away from his head. At first, Gaara fought her but relented, forcing himself to give her his hands. She rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles. Gaara trembled with terror-filled eyes. Then his hands were not in hers, and her waist was not her own. Gaara gripped tightly to her, burying his face into her stomach. Her knees buckled with force, making her shins fall into his lap. Hinata cradled his abused head, curling around it. Gaara rocked back and forth on his heels, breathing jaggedly into her skin.
Hinata felt every tremble and tremor that wracked his body, waves of panic and fear coming off of him. It broke her heart. She remembered nights of rocking herself to sleep at night, riddled with anxieties of not being good enough for her family if that felt horrible. What on earth did this level feel like? She couldn't begin to imagine, which made it all the worse.
"Please," Hinata whispered into his hair. "Leave him be."
Gaara's breathing hitched as he tightened his grip, the muscles in his arms shaking, keeping the force. Hinata closed her eyes, waiting.
"We don't want you to leave again." Gaara strained voice was muffled in the fabric.
"Next time, you come with me." Hinata agreed. "I'd like both of your company." She pressed her cheek to his head and closed her eyes, letting the tears fall into his hair.
Gaara held so many worries when he let her in. What if he scared her? What if he hurt her? What if she thought he would? He was afraid of the terror he expected in her eyes, but it never came. Just worry. It scared him more. What would it be that turned her away then? Shukaku's possessiveness? It never came. Hinata offered her exit, her safety, her care, and her body.
Gaara clung and didn't want to let go. Hinata's soft plea stopped the growling. Shukaku was just as shocked as he was.
'Keep her.' The beast commanded.
If Gaara had it his way, he would. He was scared of what losing her would do to him. He was scared of this woman that he claimed. He was terrified of her and her power over him. He wanted her close and reachable at all times.
Hinata felt his breath tremble against her skin in heavy breaths as he calmed down. Her heart shattered. "Gaara, let me go." Hinata pleaded. "I'm not going anywhere."
Gaara shakily released, only enough for his hands to grab either arm. Hinata sat back on her feet, hoping she wasn't too heavy to still be in his lap. She was now at her goal, at eye level with him.
"Why are you scared?" Hinata let her hand fall to his forearms. The tremble of his muscles and the speed of his pulse made more tears form in her eyes.
"Why are you not?" Gaara replied, wounded.
"What have I to be scared of?" Hinata lifted her hand to rest on his collarbone.
"Me!" Gaara flinched forward into her face, baring his teeth like a cornered animal, defensive and scared to fight but needing to for survival. Is that what he saw her as? A threat to his survival?
Hinata's eyebrows came down into a scowl, making him flinch. She couldn't help the sudden anger at the world that rejected him, making him feel like he needed to be seen as the monster that he was told he was. "Never."
Hinata didn't think she would ever see him cry.
Temari cautiously knocked on her brother's office door, hoping Hinata had calmed him down last night. If she did, he should be more responsive this morning, as the hall didn't feel like there was a bomb in it anymore, but there was no reply. No angry growl, no soft voice telling her to come in. She feared the worst, opening the door hesitantly. Temari skimmed the room, eyes falling on her brother's napping couch. Once, she brushed off, but twice was a sign. Nestled on the couch was Hinata on her side facing the room, pale arms cradled her little brother's head, nestled into her stomach. Gaara curled tightly around her, arms circling her possessively even in his sleep.
Temari didn't care how Hinata had done it, but she would love it if she would keep it up forever. Her little brother deserves some peace.
Hinata didn't want to wake him. She knew it was getting later in the day, but he hadn't slept while she was gone. She couldn't bear to disturb him. She ran her fingers through his hair, detangling the strained tufts with the tips of her fingers. He worried her. She was afraid for him. She knew he hadn't had much affection as a child, so receiving it willingly, then having that taken away suddenly, was understandably uncomfortable, but being punished by an entity he couldn't get away from, it all must have been taxing until he broke down.
Gaara was asleep, but did that mean Shukaku was? It was worth another try.
"Shukaku-san." Hinata addressed him. "If you can hear me, please don't punish him for what I do. He can't always control what happens, and if he tries, there might be consequences you will dislike more." Hinata pierced her lip as she rubbed pieces of his hair between her fingers. "It hurts to see him like that. I'm not sure why you dislike me leaving, and I won't assume anything from it, but I'm not going anywhere far, and I'll always come back when I leave. I promise." Gaara's arms tightened in his unconscious state. Hinata wasn't sure of the cause but wouldn't think about it much. She could just go back to sleep now.