It was rare for Gaara to have time to see her cook. Hinata moved around the kitchen with ease, never looking down at the recipe she opened. What was the book for if she wasn't going to use it? She measured flour and sugar but never spices or small ingredients like flavorings. He slid the recipe book to him and glanced over the directions, and watched her put things in that were not on the page. He turned the page only to find a different recipe.

"You've done it wrong," Gaara held up the page.

"Huh?" Hinata turned around from her mixing and giggled. "Oh, I'm not following the recipe. I like it better this way. I've never made you that one."

"Then why did you open it?" Why would she use a recipe she didn't like?

"I use it for reference in case I forget the amount of flour or the heat, the base recipe is the same, but I always add things to it." Hinata set the bowl down and held out the spoon she was using to him. He held it for her while she poured what she was making into a baking pan and put it in the stone oven. She turned back, and he held the spoon back out. "You don't want it?"

"I have nothing to stir," Gaara replied.

"No, you lick the batter, see." Hinata ran her tongue over the spoon, getting some on the side of her lip, and handed it back. "It's safe, no eggs."

Gaara wasn't sure what they meant either. He licked the spoon far less than she had but understood the point. It tasted good, though he was unsure if it tasted good now, why they did not just eat it this way.

Hinata eventually realized she made a mess around her lips and wiped her mouth. "I was never allowed to lick the spoon in the kitchens when I was young. But, there was a nice older branch man that worked in the kitchen that would sneak me one from time to time. He always made sure to wipe my face, so I didn't get in trouble."

"Will this man be coming to the branch here?" Gaara wondered as she stole more of the batter left over in the bowl.

"No, he died several years ago now. His children might be, though. I would have to check." Hinata hummed as she started cleaning her mess.

"Are you licking a spoon?" Temari asked in a shocked voice from the kitchen door.

"Yes?" Gaara was unsure why she was surprised if Hinata thought it was normal. Was this only a Konoha culture thing, and she, too, did not understand?

"There is more batter in the bowl if you would like some." Hinata held out the spatula she used to scrape the sides, also still with some batter on it.

Temari grinned, taking the treat. "I haven't licked the spoon since I was a kid."

"You've done this before?" Gaara remembered the kitchen staff not wanting to be around him but letting him take what he pleased when he pleased. They never spoke to him, nor did they ever offer him a cream-covered spoon.

"Yeah, Kankuro and I would come down to the kitchen to sneak snacks before banquets or events because father wouldn't let us have lunch. They used to give us reject misshapen dango and pudding spoons." Temari explained. Gaara remembered them disappearing, but he had never gone with them.

"Gaara's never had one. I guess I'll have to make sure you get one when I bake." His wife then smiled in a way he didn't understand, happy but with sad eyes. What had he done this time?

How did caring for spiny plants become one of his only hobbies? With no real social interaction as a child and young man, he must have been bored. This was the only thing he picked up? Hinata yelped and yanked her hand back to see her finger had spines sticking out of her thumb where she was holding the pot's rim.

Hinata started to pull them out before her hands were taken from her. Gaara put his attention into removing the spines. "Why do cacti interest you?"

Gaara removed the last spine, and she stuck the skin in her lips to stop the bleeding. "They are odd plants. They are resilient. They live in an environment they shouldn't be able to survive in. They have a defense mechanism that hurts those who wish to harm them. It is not unlike me." He picked up the pot she set down in her hurry and placed it back in its place. "One day, my defense may hurt you too."

Hinata reached forward, fisting her free hand in his robes and tugging on him. "You and Shukaku-san would never hurt me. I trust you."

"You will regret that." Gaara sighed. Hinata didn't know where this came from all of a sudden. Yesterday, he was worried about letting her get hurt because he wasn't there to protect her. Why was he pushing her away?

"I won't," Hinata laid her face on his back and moved her arms around his ribs. His arms came to lay over his chest, and his head lowered.

Hinata didn't know what to do about this self-destructive behavior. She had no idea how to counter it when it would flip from him wanting to keep her close to wanting to keep her away.

Shukaku screamed at him for telling her his thoughts. They only served to upset her, but it was the truth, and she should know. Gaara would try to protect her, just like he did in his village, but he could never guarantee he wouldn't be the one she should fear.

Why was she never afraid of him?

Gaara didn't deserve her care and affection. He couldn't protect her, and if she didn't come to her death because of his negligence, then it would be at his hand.

Hinata was tossed, waking her up. Though she didn't fall off the bed, Gaara ripped his arm out from under her, jerking her awake. Hinata blinked into the dark. Gaara sat straight up in bed, breathing heavily. The sand in the room bolted about and laid over her skin surprisingly gently as it passed.

"Gaara?" Hinata sat up, placing her hand on his elbow. "Gaara, can you hear me?" She asked when she didn't get a response. Hinata was yanked into a crushing hug, and she let out a squeak of surprise. Gaara's breathing was heavy. He was violently shaking, and she was sure she felt her shoulder getting wet with tears.

Hinata brought her knees under her to support herself, burying her hands in the fabric over his back and hair. She wasn't sure what his nightmare was about, but it scared him.

Gaara was usually gentle with his hugs, even after panic attacks or being angry. He never squeezed her tight, even when he seemed to need it, in fear of hurting her. He wasn't so gentle now.

His finger dug into her ribs, and his forehead pressed as hard as he could manage with normal strength. Luckily, his grip was not high enough to bother the healing wounds across her back. Hinata whispered to him and kissed his shoulder to calm him, but it did nothing for the time being. All she could think to do was brush through his hair and let him tire.

When his shivers became fewer, his grip loosened. Hinata felt her ribs protest, still sore from her attack, but it was a minor ache, and she wasn't worried. She lifted her head back to look at his face, but he held her too close to move back far enough.

"Gaara, are you okay?" Hinata laid her head where she laid her kisses.

Gaara's heartbeat was erratic and only barely calming. "I… killed you."

"It was only a nightmare," Hinata ran her fingers to detangle the hair at the base of his neck.

Gaara didn't protest, but he let out a groan of pain, wounded and depressed.

"I'm here. You're not going to hurt me." Hinata kissed the base of his neck and under his ear on any skin, she could. Anything to tell him she was real, she was fine. His heartbeat started to even out, but it was still beating too quickly to be normal, but it was no longer adrenaline and panic-filled.

"Stop." Gaara jerked away, releasing her and putting a distance between them.

A rush of cold air filled her clothes, and she stared at him in the dark, confused. "Gaara, what…"

"Don't… do that, I'm…" Gaara rubbed where she kissed violently. He didn't want her affection? He never outright rejected it, no more than protesting she shouldn't be so caring to him.

Sand swirled at her back and pushed her forward toward him. Shukaku still thought she was needed. Hinata crawled the distance he put between them. "It's okay. I'm not scared of you because of something you did in a bad dream." Hinata laid her hands on his knees.

Gaara flinched. "You shouldn't…" Gaara trailed off. "It's not just…" He let out a huff of frustration. She hadn't a clue what he was trying to say.

Sand pushed her further, but she wasn't sure what Shukaku wanted either. Hinata was afraid if she tried to hug him, he would try to put more distance between them.

Gaara's hand went from his neck to ruffle his hair suddenly, violently, letting out frustration in bursts. He sighed and once again went back to barely moving.

Another push from Shukaku, and she had to lay her hand on Gaara's thigh to not fall forward. She turned to give a half-hearted glared into the dark but stopped when Gaara's hand slapped over hers tightly, holding it in a place like he was afraid she would move it. He pushed it back to his knee and kept his hand over it in the same tight, shaking manner.

"Sorry, my balance…" Hinata started.

"Don't… touch me. I'm… affected." What did the affected mean?

Hinata was given another harsh push, shoving her forward again, and with her wrist held down, she let out a yelp as it bent. The pushing stopped, as did Gaara's grip. He mumbled an apology.

"No, it wasn't you," Hinata rubbed her wrist, giving a scolding look into the dark. "Do you want to get up and make some tea? Something to calm you down?"

"No," Gaara said too quickly.

Hinata was stumped. She wasn't sure what he wanted. She laid her hands back on his legs, leaving her weight on them. "What do you want, Gaara?"

"You." Gaara's voice was thick in a way that could only make her blush.

Hinata understood what 'affected' meant now. "Oh." Now that she understood, his behavior made sense, but why was he pushing her way? She got lower, trying to see his face in the dark. "That's okay, Gaara. I am your wife."

"Not… now." Gaara denied.

Hinata frowned, worried. Gaara was terrified of himself, and she couldn't do anything about it. "You won't hurt me."

"You can't know that," Gaara said through his teeth.

"I do," Hinata assured him. Maybe she could get him to go back to sleep. She lifted her hand to his robes and tugged on him, hoping he would follow her to lie down. Instead, she was jerked onto his lap by her lower back, where his hands dug in.

Hinata felt her face turn red and her skin layered with goosebumps in the cold of the room. She let out a gasp and gripped onto him out of instinct. Gaara froze again, shivering out of cold, feeling, or terror, she wasn't sure. He moved again with his attack on her skin. Usually, he held back, careful not to hurt her, and though she could feel him still fight with himself, his hand twitching and tightening, and his kisses ranging between rough and gentle, this was far more… more than he would usually give her.

Hinata shivered for a new reason. Laying her head back and letting out a gasp that sounded like nothing of pain. She felt gravity and then the bed on her back. She latched her nails into his robe as he trailed lower over her collarbone, holding her arched back with his hand firmly holding her there.

Hinata let out a whimper and tugged up his robes until she could tuck her hand under the ends to run the ends of her nails over his lower back. Gaara shivered and pulled back, yanking it off and lifting her to him. She gladly arched up until she laid fully flushed to him, only her night robe between them. She felt him racked with another shiver, and he bit her neck.

Hinata let out another heavy gasp. Gaara jerked back only as far as he could as she snapped her arms out to catch him. "It's okay." She assured him.

"I'm going to hurt you." Gaara laid a gentle, agonizing kiss over the bite mark that she was sure wouldn't even bruise. His gentle roughness was painful only because he held back. She wanted more, but that could be at the cost of his comfort.

"It didn't hurt." Hinata pulled him back down, digging her teeth only slightly harder over the vein in his neck, and his finger dug into her hips as he let out a groan. "See."

Gaara laid his face in her shoulder for a moment, pressing it there as he debated. She ran her finger stiffly up his bareback and lifted her leg around his hip to make it harder to tell her no.